Date: Wed, 11 Sep 2002 19:06:18 -0400 (EDT)
From: Kai Wailbone <wailbone@excite.com>
Subject: Second Toughest in the Infants - Chapter Ten

SECOND TOUGHEST IN THE INFANTS
by Kai Wailbone

Author's note: I'm starting to realize that this story has taken a
rather different turn than I originally meant it to take... Okay,
quick explaination - I was supposed to put these out over two
months ago. I had some rather unavoidable medical problems... but
I'm better now.



For James, for support, encouragement, and such like...


DISCLAIMER FOR CHAPTER TEN

     This is a work of fiction. The characters are fictional,
though their names and descriptions are similar to real people. Do
not take this (the story) seriously. Please.

     The title is from the Underworld album "Second Toughest in the
Infants." The chapter headings are from lyrics and song names.



Second Toughest in the Infants
Chapter Ten - There is a sound

___________________________________

"I don't know if I am real without you
What is left of me without you?
I don't know what is real without you
How can I exist without you?"
     - Stabbing Westward, "Shame"
___________________________________


"So... how was the hangover?"
     Ashley smiled crookedly as he ran a hand through his still
shower-damp hair. He had managed to pull on a pair of jeans, but
his chest was bare except for the wet towel around his shoulders.
     "Pretty bad," he admitted. "But I'm used to it by now."
     Jeremy's casual smiled faltered slightly. "Yeah, I'm sure...
so, I guess Nick brought you back in one piece?"
     "Yeah, he did. He's a really nice guy." Ashley glanced
nervously at Trevor and Erik, sitting on the bed across from him,
then back at Jeremy, who was leaning by the wall, fiddling with an
unlit cigarette. "So, uh... what's up?"
     Jeremy glanced around the room. "Is Jacob around?"
     "No... he left while I was in the shower. Didn't he come
down?"
     "He might have on another elevator or something... we may have
passed him."
     "Why, you need to talk to him?"
     "No, no... I was actually going to talk to you." Jeremy pulled
one of the chairs near and sat down, staring at the floor, plucking
nervously at his jeans. "Um..." Glancing quickly to Trevor and
Erik, he said, "Ashley... um... about the other night..."
     "Oh... uh... yeah..."
     "I just want to..."
     "No, I was going to..."
     "Look, Ash..."
     The ringing of a cell phone interrupted them, and Jeremy
jumped as he reached quickly for his.
     "Sorry," he said as Trevor and Erik automatically checked to
see if it was their phones ringing. "I'm expecting a call..."
Opening his phone, he answered it excitedly. "Hello?" A second
later a slightly disappointed look crossed his face. "Oh... hi...
quoi? Non, non, j'ai deux semaines avant mon, uh..." Looking up, he
smiled apologetically, shrugged and turned away as he spoke quickly
into his phone in French.
     Ashley took the moment to think. He had a pretty good idea
what Jeremy wanted to say, and he wasn't looking forward to it,
especially in front of Trevor and Erik. He even felt a tinge of
irritation that Jeremy wouldn't ask them to leave first. So as soon
as Jeremy hung up, he spoke quickly.
     "Jeremy, I'm sorry. I was really, really drunk." At Jeremy's
surprised look, he added sheepishly, "Not that it matters, now...
but... I am."
     Jeremy paused. Slowly closing his phone, he turned to face
Ashley. "Funny... I was just about to say that."
     Ashley smiled a half-smile. "Really?"
     Jeremy shrugged. "Yeah, and it does matter. Because I was
drunk, too, and I've done this apology thing myself more times than
I'd like to admit."
     "I think EVERYONE got drunk that night... Will was making sure
of it." Ashley laughed, but it sounded forced.
     Jeremy smiled thinly. "Yes... yes, I suppose. I just... I know
how it must have looked from your side, and I just want you to
know... about the thing with David." Taking a deep breath, Jeremy
said, "Look, it's not that I don't trust you or something. It's
just that... it's David. Ben and I have a sort of... well, Ben,
Nick and I have a sort of thing with David, where we feel the need
to protect him. It's stupid, it's not really cool... in fact, it's
not really fair to David at all. Or to us, and... anyway, Nick
talked to me about how I was acting, and I have to admit I agree.
It was inappropriate, my actions and... MOST of the things I said.
And I want to say, I'm sorry."
     Ashley glanced again at Trevor and Erik. "Look, Jeremy... I
just want to say that I was just drunk, too, and... that's all. I
don't want you to get the wrong idea. It was the first time I ever
smoked..." Ashley's eyes flickered to Trevor and Erik again. "I
mean... I was kind of crazy, and I was doing things... I just don't
want you to think I'm gay or anything."
     Jeremy stared at Ashley for a moment, in shock. He opened his
mouth, closed it, then opened it again. "I'm sorry, did you just
say..."
     Ashley shrugged, smiling slightly. "Yeah, man. I mean... no
offense, but... it's not like I'm normally interested in guys or
anything."
     Jeremy stared at Ashley for a moment longer. "Yeah... I mean,
yeah, sure, of... course not..." Running a hand through his hair,
Jeremy sighed. "So... we're okay on the whole David thing?"
     "Yes. Definitely."
     "Excellent."
     "Besides, I spent most of the night with Nick, anyway."
     Jeremy smiled. "Oh, that's right, you two WERE spending a lot
of time together... so... you had fun with him?"
     "Yeah." Ashley laughed. "Damn, you should have seen some of
the things... that guy is good, let me tell you that."
     Jeremy's smile seemed frozen. "Good at... what, kissing?"
     "Kissing? That boy's lips should be in the Smithsonian or
something. And his tongue... I mean, damn, what he can do to your
nipples..."
     There was a sudden loud crash as Erik stood up, his knee
knocking into the night stand, but that didn't slow him down.
Without looking up, he stalked out of the room, slamming the door
behind him.
     For a moment no one moved. Then Trevor slowly stood up.
     "Um... sorry about that. He's just... he just needs a bit more
time, you know?"
     "Time?" Jeremy asked. "TIME?"
     "Yeah... it'll be okay."
     "No, no it won't. It'll never be okay with time. Time helps
union workers and mold to grow. You guys are going to need a hell
of a lot more than time, at least as long as you're living in this
damned fishbowl of a life..."
     "Yeah, yeah..." Trevor interrupted, waving his hand. Smiling
slightly, he said, "You forget, we've heard all this before. And I
should..." He motioned towards the door. "I'll be back, I'm just
going to see if he's okay."
     Jeremy nodded, smiling. "Sure, no problem."
     Ashley watched as Trevor left, then turned back to Jeremy.
"He'll get over it," he said, surprisingly casual.
     "What?"
     "He'll get over it." Ashley scratched his chin. "It's no big
deal, really."
     "That's a rather... callous way of looking at it."
     "Yeah, but it's also realistic."
     "I see... the whole time thing again..." Jeremy watched Ashley
for another moment before settling back. "So anyway, any idea
what's bothering Dan?"
     Uncertainty flickered across Ashley's face like a shadow.
"Dan? Why, is something wrong?"
     "I don't know... just... he seems a bit on edge today." With
a sly grin, Jeremy raised his eyebrows. "I figure it's problems
with Cindy, but Trevor said you were rooming with him last night,
so... what's the inside scoop?"
     "Um... yeah, I guess it's girl trouble. He'll be around moping
somewhere, I'm sure, not wanting to talk about it." Straightening,
he said, "Actually, he seemed a bit upset about it last night. I
think we should probably just let him work this out on his own, and
not bug him to talk about it."
     "Oh, definitely." Jeremy nodded. "These kinds of things need
to be worked out on a personal level without anyone else
interfering."
     Ashley paused, studying Jeremy's face. "So you're not going to
bother him about it?"
     "Ashley..." Jeremy pretended to be offended. "I'm shocked and
appalled that you would think so. No, I won't 'bother him' about
it... it's none of my business anyway."
     "Okay, good." Ashley sat back, relieved. "So... what else is
going on?"
     Jeremy raised an eyebrow almost imperceptibly. "Not much. Just
recovering from the party. Other than that... absolutely nothing."

*************

     Erik was staring at the sidewalk between his feet, his back
pack sitting beside him. Ashley was muttering to himself as he
shuffled a couple dance steps, whether to practice or to create, it
wasn't clear. Dan leaned against the Suburban, dark glasses on, a
clear distance away and staring at the sky. No one spoke to each
other, and so great was the apparent tension that Jeremy almost
laughed in relief when the hotel doors opened, signaling Trevor's
return, but his smile faded when he noticed that Trevor had come
back alone.
     "Trev... where's Jake?"
     Trevor sighed as everyone's eyes turned to him. "He's not
coming out."
     "What do you mean, 'he's not coming out'?"
     "I mean I knocked, but his door is locked and I can't get in."
Trevor looked embarassed. "I... I think he's crying."
     Instantly four pairs of eyes looked towards Ashley.
     "What?" Ashley asked, startled.
     "Jacob's not coming down," Trevor said. "Any idea why?"
     "How should I know? It's not like I'm his babysitter or
anything..."
     No one spoke.
     "Seriously," Ashley said, trying to laugh. "I'm not..." He
trailed off helplessly.
     Still no one spoke.
     Ashley hesitated. Sighed. Looked at his watch. Sighed again.
     "Give me five minutes." Ashley dropped his bag onto the
sidewalk and stalked back into the hotel.
     Trevor glanced at Erik, who looked quickly away. Jeremy was
smiling for some reason, and he winked when Trevor looked in his
direction.
     No one noticed as Dan looked quickly away and walked to the
other side of the Suburban, pushing his shades up to rub his eyes
roughly.

**********

"Jacob?"
     Jacob looked up, making no attempt to hide his tear-streaked
face. Ashley stared at him for a moment, unsure if this was making
him more excited or more repulsed. Either way, smiling took far too
much effort. Instead, he beckoned to Jacob, almost sneering.
     "Jake, I... I want you to know..." Ashley resisted the urge to
sigh in resignation and dredged up his sketchy knowledge of love
stories and poetry. Shelli had made him watch her movies to death,
the ones that were always saying something to ignite passion or
some shit like that... "Jacob... I came back... I... listen, I
understand why you're upset. I want you to... Jake, I... "
     Jacob just stared at Ashley, not looking particularly
impressed, but at the same time seemed to be hanging on his every
word. As if he was... waiting for something.
     "Jacob..." Ashley managed a very small smile. "Jake, I... was
thinking... I really can't imagine life without you anymore. I miss
you. I want you with me. I... I want to make love to you..."
     That last line hit Jacob. Wiping his eyes, he managed to
smiled back. "Really?" he asked in a soft, hoarse, almost child-
like voice.
     Instead of feeling guilty or repulsed, Ashley felt a surge of
excitement as he looked at Jacob's hopeful expression.
     "Yeah, sure," he said, sounding more convinced this time. "You
know I really like you... and just because I can't love you the way
you love me right now... doesn't mean I never will, right?"
Stepping forward, he sat down on the bed next to Jacob. Jacob
started to turn away slightly, but Ashley reached out and held him
close.
     -not so fast you still owe me-
     Leaning forward, Ashley kissed Jacob gently on the forehead,
then on his cheek. Jacob turned to face him, and looked at him with
red, shy eyes. Smiling comfortingly, Ashley kissed Jacob's lips,
tasting the salty tang of his tears.
     "Ashley..."
     It was rough, but Ashley didn't care. In mere moments, he
hadn't just convinced Jacob, he OWNED Jacob. But it was obvious
Jacob wanted it, and though it salved Ashley's conscience, it also
frustrated him in some unfathomable way. Even when he pushed
harder, forcing Jacob's head down so hard he gagged, his struggling
was minimal.
     It was over quickly, since Ashley had been waiting since that
morning for release. Holding Jacob's head, he didn't let him come
up until he was convinced Jacob had swallowed everything in his
mouth, then let him flop down onto the bed, exhausted and boneless
as a broken puppet.
     Ashley sighed in satisfaction, then glanced at his watch.
Stuffing himself back into his pants, he stood up. "Get dressed,"
he said. "They're waiting for us." Without waiting for Jacob's
response, he left.
     Jacob lay staring at the ceiling, trying to catch his breath,
the taste of Ashley still in the back of his throat. He was still
highly aroused, but knew he didn't have time to take care of it
himself, so he just enjoyed the feeling for a moment. Then, smiling
slightly to himself, he pulled himself up to get dressed.


_____________________________________
Okay, shorter than I normally make 'em... sorry, but I'm having a
hard time getting through some... problems. I'm writing these
things as fast as I can, with no idea when I'll be posting them.
Anyway, for those fellow writers out there, yes, I know I have
quite a few loose ends and unexplained phrases, some of which will
never be resolved. The story is writing itself differently than I
originally wanted it... sorry...
-- Kai Wailbone  wailbone@excite.com
_____________________________________
Coming soon...
Second Toughest in the Infants
Chapter 11 - Listening to the barbed wire