Date: Wed, 18 Sep 2002 14:55:41 -0400 (EDT)
From: Kai Wailbone <wailbone@excite.com>
Subject: Second Toughest in the Infants - Chapter Twelve
SECOND TOUGHEST IN THE INFANTS
by Kai Wailbone
Author's note: Okay, probably redundant for anyone who's still
reading this story, but this story will seem out-of-date... this
takes place back in 2000/01... do keep that in mind.
For Tom R. - I hope you've gotten around to reading this
DISCLAIMER FOR CHAPTER TWELVE
This is a work of fiction. The characters are fictional,
though their names and descriptions are similar to real people.
These real people are depicted with character traits, past
histories, and sexualities that ARE NOT MEANT TO IMPLY ANYTHING
about their real-life counterparts.
Do not take this (the story) seriously. Please.
The title is from the Underworld album "Second Toughest in the
Infants." The chapter headings are from lyrics and song names.
Second Toughest in the Infants
Chapter Twelve - Resonator (Part 3.1)
___________________________________
"Now it's just too late
and we can't go back
I'm sorry
can't be perfect..."
- Simple Plan
___________________________________
Ashley sat alone in his hotel room, staring at the blank
television. It was extremely cold, with the air conditioning turned
on full blast. He gritted his teeth to keep from shivering, but
didn't get up to change the temperature.
All the lights except for the bedside lamp had been turned
off, and even though the remote for the television rested on its
stationary post just beside him, Ashley had no real intention of
turning it on.
Confusion had settled on his mind like a fog, but instead of
resisting it he clung to it desperately, swirling his thoughts
around to make it greater, because it was the only thing that
seemed to hide the pain. A pain that seemed to come from nowhere,
but pushed up into his mind whenever he thought about
(Dan)
Jacob, or anything that had happened in the past couple of
days. A strange, rising feeling of... embarassment...
Taking a deep breath, Ashley stood up.
* * * * *
Trevor looked up at Erik over his book. Erik hadn't spoken to him
all evening except for the monosyllabic comment or occasional
glare. After almost an hour of thick silence in their hotel room,
Trevor had finally pulled on his headphones and opened his old
battered copy of "The Great Gatsby." Erik had always laughed at him
for bringing a book he had to read in school, but Trevor had always
loved the book.
Now, however, he couldn't concentrate on more than two or
three words at a time. And the music from his headphones was little
more than background noise blocking the sound of Erik getting ready
for bed.
Erik looked over and caught Trevor's eye. Trevor held his gaze
for a few seconds, then looked back at his book. From the corner of
his eye, he saw Erik stare at him for another few seconds before
going to the bathroom.
* ** * * *
"It's like musical rooms, where is everyone now?"
"Ashley's by himself, Jacob and Dan are together tonight, and
Trevor is with Erik."
"Is this final?"
"I don't know. Dan was supposed to be alone, and Ashley and
Jacob together, so... Dan's in Jacob's room with Ashley's things,
and Ashley is in Dan's room with Dan's things."
"Do they know they have to get everything sorted out and
packed?"
"I think they wear each other's clothes so often now it
doesn't matter."
"Even underwear?"
"I suppose."
"Okay, then. And when are they leaving?"
"This weekend."
"And... you're okay with this?"
"No, but I wasn't brought in on this decision."
"Really? I thought everything had to be run by you, now."
"Yeah, well... is that mine or yours?"
"Mine."
"What does it say?"
"Hold on a sec'..."
"What is it?"
"Someone's leaving their room."
"Who?"
"Ashley."
"Did he call in?"
"No."
"Typical. Okay, call Terry, get him out there."
"He won't be happy."
"This is his job, he has no choice."
"Fine."
"Anyone else leaving?"
"No."
"Probably should send someone around, check see if anything's
going on."
"Yeah, okay."
* * * * *
"Hello?"
"Hey, Rabbu."
"Michelle! Oh, my God..." Jeremy sat up straight in his chair
so suddenly he almost dropped his phone. "Where are you?"
"Yes, I'm doing fine, thanks for asking." The girl's voice on
the other end of the phone was heavy with sarcasm.
"Oh, yes, well... how are you?"
"Told you, I'm fine. And we're in Phoenix right now."
"Arizona?"
"No, Vermont."
"Okay, okay, I get it." Jeremy stood up and walked slowly
around the living room. "So, you're coming, right?"
"When have we not?"
"True, but... wow, I was waiting for this."
"Yeah, I figured. So... what low-life degenerates have you
invited to invade our holidays?"
Jeremy grinned. "Oh, you'll laugh."
"I'm laughing already. Who?"
"Well, Trent and Rev said they'd come."
"Ooh, great. Really. Dad'll be so proud at your new friends."
"Yeah... Sebastian and Jason said they'd come."
"Is Seb bringing James?"
"Pretty sure." Jeremy idly picked up a blue glass sculpture
from the mantle. "And... heh... a couple people you don't know."
"Who?"
"You know, I've always wondered... what is this blue thing on
the mantle here at the beach house? It looks like a really tall
woman... or a tree. A strange, glass, blue tree..."
"Don't make me ask again."
Jeremy coughed. "Just... a couple pop stars."
"Male pop stars?"
"Does it matter?"
"YES! Now, who?"
"Um... a boy band."
"Oh, dear God, not the Backstreet Boys again."
"No, no... O-Town."
There was a pause. "You're making that up."
"No, no, they're coming."
"No... O-Town? You made that name up, didn't you? It's really
the Backstreet Boys again, isn't it? I told you, if Brian brings
his dogs around, I will seriously cook them..."
"Shelles... seriously, there's a band called O-Town."
"Geez, do they call themselves that in public?"
"Apparently, yes."
A sigh. Then, "Are they cute?"
Jeremy took a deep breath. "Ye-es.."
"Then they're gay, aren't they?"
"Not... ALL of them..."
"Oh, geez..."
"So, anyway, Ben's here somewhere, want to talk to him?"
"No, not really, but Rachelle probably would... she wanted to
ask him where he got those white pants."
"Which ones, the jeans?"
"No, the judo pants."
"Oh, yes... let me just... go to the bedroom..." Jeremy
chuckled as he made his way up the stairs. "So, anyway, you're okay
with our guests?"
"No, but I guess I don't have a choice since you invited them,
didn't you?"
"Shelles..."
"Don't 'Shelles' me. You do this every time, inviting
weirdos... this is supposed to be a family thing, you know..."
"Yes, like we did that first year? We waited months to get
together for an hour and a half?" Jeremy came up to the bedroom
door to find it closed. Frowning slightly, he opened it. "At least
this way you get to see what I've been..."
"Shit!"
"What? Oh, Jesus... Jeremy..."
Jeremy stared, his sister momentarily forgotten as he opened
the door to the darkened room. Enough light spilled in from behind
him to show him Ben smiling calmly up at him, with someone else
scrambling wildly to cover himself with his sheets.
"Oh... my... God... NICK?"
"Hello? Rabs, you still there? Who are you talking to?"
Michelle's voice sounded small and tinny from the receiver, which
Jeremy had dropped away from his ear. "Did you say Nick? It's Nick
from the Backstreet Boys, isn't it?"
"Um..." Jeremy lifted the phone back to his ear. "Um...
Shelles? Can I call you back on your cell? I've... got to take care
of something."
"Yeah, sure. But soon, okay?"
"Sure. Bye." Jeremy ended the call and lowered the phone, his
mouth opened slightly in shock. "Um... Ben?"
"Hey, Jer." Ben smiled slyly, seeming to think nothing unusual
about his laying naked in bed while Nick was wrapped up like a
mummy beside him. "You remember Nick, don't you?"
Jeremy's gaze flickered towards Nick. "Hey, Nick. How's it
going?"
Nick hesitated. "Hey, uh... Jer, Ben said you wouldn't mind,
and... and we were going to wait for you, but you... and..."
"Nick, calm down," Ben interrupted. "He's fine with it. Aren't
you, Germ?"
Jeremy slowly made his way into the room. "That was Michelle."
"Oh, how is she?"
"Fine, she and Rachelle will be here this weekend."
"I see."
"Yeah, she didn't think there was such a band as O-Town and
how the HELL did this happen?"
Nick flinched. "Jer, I..."
Ben laughed. "Oh, Jer, stop it, you're scaring him."
Jeremy glared at Ben for a moment, then grinned mischeviously.
"Oh, I was just starting to have fun, too."
"Yeah, well."
"So I guess this is what happens when I leave you alone?"
"No, just when you act like an asshole all the time. You
should know that by now." Ben sat up and crawled across the bed to
reach for Jeremy. "But we really were going to wait for you."
Jeremy allowed himself to be pulled close by Ben, then glanced
at Nick, who was staring at them. "Hey, Nick, what's up?"
Ben leaned close and whispered loudly, "It's his first time."
"Really?" Jeremy raised an eyebrow. "First time with a guy
with a foreskin?"
Nick smiled, relaxing. "No, actually, with... actually... yes,
yes, with a foreskin. But with... you know... two guys."
"I see." Jeremy stroked Ben's cheek before kissing him gently.
"Have you been gentle with him, Bird?"
"Actually, he likes it kinda rough."
"Really?" Jeremy looked sideways at Nick, then made his way to
the door. "Well, then I'll just let you two kids finish playing..."
"Aren't you going to join us?" Nick asked. At Jeremy's look he
ducked his head, blushing. "I mean... you can if you want to..."
Jeremy smiled softly and glanced at Ben. A second's silent
communication passed between them, then he closed the bedroom door.
"Well... alright, then."
* * * * *
When I was younger, I believed in fairy tales. The kind where the
lonely girl gets together with the handsome prince, even if he
doesn't like her at first, or doesn't even notice her at first.
Where one's greatest fantasy, one greatest dream could come true,
no matter how unlikely it might seem in the beginning.
But life isn't a fairy tale. The lonely girl often stays
lonely, locked in her tower, staring at the world she can never be
a part of.
* * * * *
Dan grunted as he turned his face away from another of Jacob's
kisses. Jacob hadn't shaved that morning, making his face
unbearably scratchy, and his goatee irritated him to no end, yet he
seemed intent on sucking Dan's tongue out of his mouth.
"Hey..." Thinking he'd try distracting Jacob a bit, he pushed
him back and guided Jacob's hand to his leg. "Here, check this
out..."
Jacob's fingers traced the inside of Dan's thigh, but his
other hand started unbuttoning Dan's shirt from the bottom. Dan
instantly grabbed his hands and stopped him before he got halfway
up.
Jacob looked at him questioningly. "You okay, Dan?"
"Yeah, yeah..." Dan held Jacob's hands for a second longer,
thinking. "Just, uh... cold hands."
Jacob smiled. "Oh... sorry."
"No prob." Dan licked his lips, letting Jacob's hands go. He
noticed that his own hands were shaking as he touched Jacob's knee.
"Is it... can I...?" He inched his hand higher on Jacob's leg.
Jacob stared at Dan's hand. "Wh... do you want to?"
"Kinda..."
"Is this a little weird to you, too?"
"I actually wondered what this would be like for a while now."
"Really? Then why now?"
Dan looked away. "Really drunk," he mumbled.
"But Dan..."
Dan looked up. He was salivating in spite of himself and had
to swallow hard before speaking. "Y... yeah?"
Jacob laid a hand on top of Dan's. "Should we be doing this?"
"Huh?"
"I mean... with Ashley and all... I was just thinking..."
"'Thinking'?" Dan shook his head. "Jakie... now's not the time
to be thinking. I'm not." He tried a slight smile. "I mean... we're
drunk. We're REALLY drunk. We've been drinking non-stop for the
past three hours."
Jacob lifted his head and smiled back. "True." He giggled, a
surprisingly sharp sound. "Very true," he said softly, and leaned
forward to kiss Dan again.
Dan didn't like the uncontrolled sound of Jacob's laughter, so
he let the kiss go on a bit, but eventually the scratchiness of
Jacob's face got to be too much. Besides that, even with his eyes
closed it felt like Jacob's breath was too hot, too strong -
nothing like kissing a girl.
Pulling away, he was surprised to find he was breathing hard.
He wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do, but... he needed
something from Jacob. This had seemed like a good idea at the time,
just going along with this until he could ask... but now...
Wiping his mouth, he took a deep breath and reached for
Jacob's belt.
* * * * *
In fairy tales, friends are loyal, unwavering, and always come
through for you in the end. But they're not. Not always, at least.
Sometimes friends aren't your friends.
* * * * *
Blue eyes.
Blond hair.
Ashley smiled exageratedly into the mirror. Frowned. Pulled
the skin of his cheeks back. Relaxed his face. Sighed.
Still the same. Blue eyes. Blond hair. Nose. Mouth. The same
face that had stared back at him in the mirror for as long as he
could remember. Nothing special. Nothing remarkable. There was no
spark, no light, no special something that seemed to make everyone
go crazy. He couldn't see it. Any of it.
-what the hell does everyone else see that i don't?
Nothing. There was nothing. He was ordinary. Less than
ordinary - kids used to make fun of him in school, make blond jokes
and laugh because he was laid back and didn't always understand
when they laughed at his expense.
But things were different now. All those kids who used to
laugh and tease - where were they now? Working at a fast food joint
to earn money in the summer? Trying to muster the courage to ask
the girl out across the class room? Hanging out at the same tired
mall they all hung out in since junior high?
And what was he doing? He was being recognized in malls and
fast food joints. He was wearing designer clothes, not needing to
pay for his cell phone or pager or meals. He had girls dreaming
about him that he never even met, all around the world. His dreams
had come true, and all those losers... they had none of it.
So why wasn't he happy?
Picking up a comb - he guessed it was Dan's - he ran it under
water and started combing his hair straight forward over his
forehead. He used to wear his hair like that when he was in grade
school, but now, the way it was cut, it made him look like a kid
from an old black-and-white comedy show. Sighing in frustration, he
threw the comb down, letting it clatter into the sink.
Suddenly, and very desperately, he needed to get out of the
hotel. Where, he didn't know, just... out.
Rushing out of the bathroom, he grabbed his jacket, turned the
collar up and pulled a baseball cap down over his eyes. As he
rushed to the door, the noticed that the baseball cap was Dan's,
but didn't feel like going back to Jacob's room to get another one.
He felt a twinge of guilt as he closed the door behind him - Dan's
hats were the one thing he never lent out - but figured Dan would
never know. After checking to make sure he had his key and wallet,
he stalked down the hall to the elevator.
* * * * *
Sometimes the good guys are't so obvious, and they're not
always good. And the bad guys can end up to be the most unlikely of
saviors.
* * * * *
When Trevor finally turned off the light, Erik opened his eyes. His
headphones had been blasting Jennifer Lopez remixes into his ears
for almost an hour, and he'd kept his arm across his eyes,
pretending to be asleep while Trevor got ready for bed. He refused
to talk to Trevor, even when he heard, just above the music, Trevor
tell him good night before the lights went out.
Carefully, he moved his headphones to his temples. Trevor
would still hear the music blasting and assume he was listening to
it, but it wouldn't bother him so much. Why it was so important for
Trevor to hear his music, he couldn't say exactly, but he kept them
on.
Trevor had put his own headphones on, and Erik could hear the
soft, slow bass of Boys II Men. A furtive glance over showed Trevor
with his headphones fully on his ears, eyes closed, and unaware of
Erik's covert movements.
With a sigh, Erik shifted until he was flat on his back,
staring a the ceiling of the hotel room. He felt cold, and lonely,
and oddly embarrassed. It felt like every step he made was a wrong
move in someone's eyes, and every time someone looked at him it was
with disapproval. He felt more an outsider than he ever did, and he
didn't like it.
It was incomprehensible - just a month ago, he was talking to
reporters and interviewers about the brotherhood, how they were so
close, lived together, ate together, shared each others clothes...
it was so simple. So comforting. So much like a family. And now,
without warning, it had all changed. He wasn't a part of this group
of strangers, revealing secrets after so long, proving so much to
be a lie, and being the only one who thought it was wrong, who
realized this couldn't be...
Pain stabbed at Erik's heart. He thought he'd never be alone
again after he joined the band. After he'd been chosen, he thought
things would be different, that things would change. That he'd be
happy.
Pulling his headphones back over his ears, he pressed them
close, trying to let the loud music drown out his thoughts.
* * * * *
But fairy tales are important. I do believe we need fairy
tales. Or at least a healthy ability to believe lies about the
past.
* * * * *
He was waiting just outside the hotel.
"Aw, shit."
"Ashley, hi."
"Um... hi... Terry, right?"
"Right."
Ashley managed to smile. "How'd you know?"
"Got a call." Terry hoisted the camera onto his shoulder.
"Going for a walk?"
"I was hoping to."
"Where to?"
"Not sure. Just... to walk."
"Great. You waiting for Dan and Jacob?"
Ashley narrowed his eye. "Dan and Jacob?"
"Yeah, got a call, said they were coming down, too. You all
going out or something?"
"Um..." Ashley thought quickly. "Yes. We're all going for
coffee. In fact..." Glancing to the street, he saw the line of
parked taxis. "We're taking a cab. Why don't we go wait for them
there?"
"A cab?" Terry looked at Ashley, puzzled. "I thought you were
going for a walk."
"I am. We are. I just... I'm going for a walk after. At the
park. By the coffee house."
"Ah. I see." Terry looked at him suspicously for a moment,
then lowered the camera. "And you want to wait in the cab?"
"Yes."
"Then let's go."
Ashley walked swiftly to the line of waiting cabs, praying he
was right. Getting into a cab near the end of the line, he waited
for Terry to get in before talking to the driver.
"Could you wait a minute, our other friends are coming."
The driver just nodded.
Ashley settled back, smiling at Terry. Looking out the window,
he watched the hotel until Dan and Jacob came out.
Jacob walked as if sleep-walking, looking thoroughly depressed
and staring constantly at his feet. His dreads hung limp into his
face, disheaveled as if he just woke up. And Dan... Ashley had to
keep himself from saying something. Dan looked like death itself,
pale and tired-looking with circles under his eyes, but he also
seemed on guard, his eyes constantly returning to Jacob, as if he
expected him to collapse at any moment.
In spite of himself, Ashley looked at Dan's neck, but it was
covered. Dan was wearing a shirt buttoned all the way to the top.
As Dan and Jacob made their way to the street, Ashley held his
breath. If they didn't get into a cab, his story was shot, and he'd
have to explain himself to Terry. But if they did...
Dan lead Jacob to the first cab in the line and opened the
door.
"Shouldn't we tell them we're in this cab?" Terry asked.
"Huh? Oh! No, no... we're following them. I don't know, uh...
where it is." Leaning forward, he tapped the glass to get the
drivers' attention. "Um... sir? Could you follow that first cab?"
Terry looked at Ashley suspicously. "Aren't you going to call
them or something, let them know we're coming?"
"Um... no."
"Why?"
"They, uh... don't exactly know I'm coming. It's a... a
surprise."
"A surprise? Why? And how did you know they'd be coming out?"
"Terry," Ashley said, looking at Terry condescendingly. "Isn't
your job to shoot film? Start the camera, I'll explain it to our
loyal viewers."
Terry shot him a nasty look, but pulled the camera onto his
shoulder and switched it on.
Ashley smiled automatically, and unconsciously pushed the
baseball cap further back so his face wouldn't be in constant
shadow. "Okay, we're following Dan and Jacob's cab. They don't know
I'm here, right now, so they're going to be a bit surprised..."
* * * * *
Because sometimes the past can't be faced, no matter how
strong we are, or how happy we should be.
* * * * *
Dan slowly released his grip on the bed sheets as he tried to slow
his breathing.
"Oh... wow..."
Jacob came up to lie down shoulder-to-shoulder with Dan. "Glad
you like it."
Dan opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. He wasn't sure
how he felt about what just happened. What Jacob had done... it had
felt good. Real good. And Dan clung to that feeling of pleasure
like a drowning man to a floating log.
It took him a few seconds to realize Jacob was gently stroking
his hair, smiling at him.
"This is... kinda nice," Jacob said, his other hand running
along Dan's arm.
"Yeah, I guess." Dan sighed heavily, his shoulder feeling
overly warm against Jacob's bare skin. He was feeling good. Jacob
was feeling good. Maybe they could even convince themselves they
were still drunk. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes. "Hey,
Jake?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I ask you a question?"
Jacob chuckled. "Yeah, why not."
"It's personal."
"At this point, I don't think I mind so much."
"You'll mind this."
Dan felt Jacob turn to face him. "Dan? What is it?"
"Jake... I... I need to know..." Dan took another deep breath.
"What happened?"
"What do you mean..."
"I mean what happened. With... with Lou."
Jacob's motions instantly stopped. "Why... why are you
asking?" His voice was cold as he pulled his hands back.
"I just..."
"I told everyone never to ask that," Jacob interrupted. "I
TOLD EVERYONE..."
"I know, I know," Dan said quickly. "I just... please, Jacob.
I need to know." He didn't like the desperate pleading sound of his
voice, but Jacob seemed to soften.
"Need to know?"
Dan shrugged, hoping Jacob could feel it since he wouldn't be
able to see it. "I'm... I have a... I'm having trouble dealing
with... something."
"And what Lou... did to me... will help?"
"Yes... I mean... I think so."
Jacob took a deep breath, but didn't talk for a long time. Dan
wasn't sure if wanted to ask again, or just let it go, and was just
thinking of turning away and trying to sleep when Jacob spoke up.
"I feel like coffee. What about you?"
"Now?"
"Coffee for me always seems to encourage serious
conversation."
"Well... okay. Just let me get dressed."
* * * * *
The bad thing about pasts that can't be faced is that they
always seem to be the very things that never die, that never go
away, and never let you forget them...
___________________________________
I've been told that I've been doing things all wrong, that there
has been too much talking and not enough action going on in the
story... so I'm putting more action into the story. Or rather I
will. I just have these couple chapters to get through and then...
things get messy.
-- Kai Wailbone wailbone@excite.com
____________________________________
Coming soon...
Second Toughest in the Infants
Chapter 12-B - Resonator (part 3.2)