Date: Wed, 9 Oct 2002 16:43:29 +0100 (BST)
From: Jezebel <eh_oh_po@yahoo.com>
Subject: Set Adrift 14

Disclaimers: This is fiction.  None of this is true.  I don't know any of
the people mentioned herein and AJ is happily married as far as I know.

***

While Alex and Sully discussed the simple parts of life, on another bus
behind their's in the convoy Nick and Howie were settling in too.  Nick had
barely boarded the bus before Howie was on him, not physically of course
because Howie was the least confrontational person that you would meet, but
verbally.

"I hope you know what you are doing Nicky." Howie said as he sorted through
some of his bag and took out a few things he wanted for the trip.  "This is
a very tricky path that you are building and I am not too sure if you know
where it will lead."

"What do you mean?" Nick asked, his head hurting from the metaphors that
Howie was using.

"I mean Sully."

"What about him?" Nick asked.

At the same time Nick tensed as he wondered if Howie shared Kevin's view of
his new friend but had not expressed it.  The tour would be hard if none of
them wanted Sully there.

"I mean what happens if he and Alex have a falling out?" Howie asked.
"What if Alex goes off the rails again and he has a relapse?"

"That won't happen.  AJ is stronger than that." Nick replied unwaveringly.

"No Nick, he was stronger than that once.  But going into rehab was like
ripping off the old wounds, he needs time for them to heal." Howie said.
"You don't know what it was like for him, you weren't there."

Nick's face clouded as he heard the words, wondering if he would ever live
this down.  Alex had forgiven him but it appeared that the others had not.

"This is what this is about isn't it?" Nick accused.  "You just want this
to go wrong so that you can prove that I shouldn't have brought Sully back
here.  You're just trying to get me to prove you right."

"Nick, one day you'll realise that not everything in this world revolves
around you."  Howie said.  "I'm worried about Alex and Sully.  They both
went through hell after their first separation, I don't know if they can do
that again."

"What do you mean?" Nick asked.  "AJ hardly noticed that Sully was gone.  I
don't remember him getting upset at all."

"Oh grow up Nick.  You're not a kid anymore." Howie said madly.  "Alex was
heartbroken.  Do you really think that the sunglasses were just a part of
the image?  He didn't have them in Europe."

"I didn't know, I mean..."

"Yeah, well, I guess that is the problem isn't it?" Howie interupted
angrily.  "You never think."

Before Nick could answer him Howie had gone to the back of the bus and
locked himself in.  Nick would not follow.  Howie very rarely blew up but
when he did it was better to just let it lie.  As Nick finished with his
bags and settled on to his bunk he thought over what Howie had said and let
the tears fall.

No one really understood how hard all of this had been on him.  No one had
cared about his tears back then.  Brian had tried but he was just a tired
little boy that missed his family, that was what it was always written down
as.  No one thought that Nick had lost someone too.  Sure he and Sully had
not been friends, they barely even known each other, but he had a crush.
Having that ripped from him at such an early age had made Nick feel cheated
somehow.  Instead of nurturing dreams of a happy life or the safe daydreams
of holding hands and kissing Nick had experienced none of that and none of
what it meant to be a 'normal' kid growing up.

Nick had always wondered what it would have been like if Sully had stayed,
or if he could have gone to Alex to tell him that he was gay too.  Instead
Nick had held the secret in until Kevin had caught Nick with another man in
his room.

Nick hadn't been with a man in a long while, instead he had chosen to
remain celibate but he was becoming more and more isolated from his
friends.  After Brian and Kevin had married he had found himself spending
more time alone.  Of course it had nurtured his writing and his guitar
playing but was that enough?

Sometimes being a Backstreet Boy was a very lonely place to be in and there
were times when he wondered if he had any friends at all.  Like now, when
he wanted to call someone to pour out his heart and he realised that there
was no one to phone.  Sully would either hate him for this or be too busy
with Alex to care and there was no one else.  Nick hadn't even had a decent
conversation since he sat in the bar with Ben.

Nick reached into his bag, sorting out his diary and flipped through it
impulsively, the thought had made him think of something that he had not
thought before.

There, just as it had been preserved all those years ago was the card that
one Ben Maloney had left on his bedside after their first and only fuck.
Nick hadn't tried the number, by the time they had been back in New York he
had not wanted to sleep with anyone.  Nick had been in the process of
re-evaluating his life and the last thing that he needed was the man that
had kick started that revolution in his bed again.  Now though, Nick
wondered if the number would still work.

Before Nick realised what he was doing he had dialled the number
instinctively on his cell and was waiting for the phone to ring.  He wasn't
really sure what to expect.

"Hello?" A voice answered, it was a deep male voice but it was not Ben.
Nick knew the other man well enough to recognise his voice.

"Hi.  I was wondering if I could speak with Ben Maloney..." Nick said.

"BEN!!!" The voice called.  "He's just coming." It told Nick.  "Can I ask
who's calling?"

"It's Nick." Nick replied.

In the background he could hear voices, listening to Ben tell the other man
that he didn't know anyone called Nick made his heart fall, he had thought
that Ben might remember who he was.  Just as he was about to hang up and go
back to moping Ben came on the phone.

"Hello?" He asked dubiously.

"Hi Ben it's..."

"Carter, is that you?" Ben asked.  The voice in the background said that he
thought it was Nick, but Ben shushed them.  "Well, dang boy.  I didn't
expect a booty call from you."

"I just called to talk." Nick said, his voice more hollow than he had meant
it to be.

"You want to have phone sex?" Ben asked sarcastically.  "You can't be that
desperate for a date."

"No." Nick replied earnestly.  "I just wanted to talk.  You know, the
weather, sports, music, what you did today...just talk..."

"Oh." Ben said, sounding as if he was more surprised than disappointed.
"Okay."

"Did I call at a bad time?" Nick asked, wondering if that was why Ben
sounded so different.

"No.  Now is good.  So, what are you doing?" Ben asked as he got
comfortable and opened a conversation.

As Nick began to talk about the non-essential things in his life he felt
himself relaxing.  Just listening to Ben and making small talk.  After a
little while he wondered if maybe he did have one friend in the world after
all.  And by the time that they had hung up he was sure that if he hadn't
before that he had one now.  After all Ben had agreed to call the next day
to tell Nick about a party he was going to and Nick was going to tell him
about the tour.  Wasn't that what friends did?

***

While Nick was on the phone Howie was feeling guilty.  He remembered that
it was hard for Nick to get over Alex in rehab and that in some ways it was
there fault for protecting him so much, but sometimes it rubbed on his last
nerve that Nick could not take a hint.

Howie was worried that Alex and Sully were not getting on, or worse that
they would get on a little too well and that this too would lead to
disaster when there was a problem with their relationship.  Surely Nick
knew how vulnerable Alex was right now.  Nick had seen him since rehab even
if he had not seen him in that place.

Part of Howie wanted to call his best friend on the other bus, what was
supposed to be his bus, and see if things were okay.  But what could he do
if they weren't.  Alex knew where they were if he needed them and they had
to let go sometime.  They had to trust him eventually and Howie was
convinced that sooner rather than later was the best way to go.  At least
that way Alex would get used to his real world again.

Still, it didn't make Howie feel any better.

As soon as Nick woke up he would apologise and then he would wait until the
next stop to talk to Alex, maybe he could even speak with Nick in the mean
time and see if he could get him to have a word with Sully.  Maybe instead
of alienating Nick he could use his friendship with Sully to their
advantage.  If nothing else they would be able to deal with both sides.

Howie wasn't going to start on the issue of Kevin and Brian until he had
the others sorted out.  The cousins' objections to Sully being with them
could wait until Alex was settled.  First things first, he would speak with
Nick.

***

The conversation finally tapered as the sun began to set.  Alex let out a
yawn as Sully told him of New York and the club that he ran, conveniently
missing out the fact that he had inherited it from his lover.

"Oh...excuse me." Alex said as he tried to cover the yawn.

"I'm sorry that I am boring you." Sully said with an amused smile.  Alex
smiled in return.  It was easy for the two of them to be comfortable
together and that in itself was reason to be happy.

"Maybe we should get some coffee at the next rest stop." Alex suggested
playfully.  "I'll need to stay awake if you keep talking about stocks and
bonds or long term business plans.  Don't you know what an accountant is
for?"

"Hey, I have an accountant." Sully responded.  "I just know what he does
with my money, unlike you."

Alex just laughed.  He was sure that Sully's indignation was real and that
just made it even funnier.

"What?" Sully asked.  "What's funny?"

"I never saw you as someone with an accountant.  You were always going to
save the world on your lunch break.  It's just funny that's all." Alex
said.

He remembered picturing Sully as a teacher or an outreach worker, helping
people get on the straight and narrow, not running a club that was probably
contributing to the delinquency of minors.  It probably helped people like
him get access to alcohol.

"Alex.  I never wanted to save the world.  I just wanted to make it a
better place."  Sully said.  "Maybe I don't do it as well as you, I can't
have a children's charity or sponsor some huge event but I'm not a
capitalist either."

"I'm sorry." AJ said solemnly.  "I didn't mean..." He paused when he saw
that Sully was smiling, the bastard had been joking with him all along.

As AJ was about to retort something rude about Sully's parentage the bus
veered to the side and they came off of whatever road they were on.  Alex
still wasn't sure where they were headed but he was glad that they were
well on their way and he didn't only mean that with the journey on the bus.
It referrred to the journey that he and Sully were taking together too.

***

Nick got off at the bus stop in order to use the bathroom.  Of course there
was a toilet on the bus but unless it was avoidable they preferred to use a
proper restroom, that way there was less chance of getting lumbered with a
tourbus that smelled like a fertiliser factory.

Nick also knew that he had a mission.  Howie had eventually come to
apologise for their quarrel and had told Nick some of his concerns.  Nick
was still smiling from talking to Ben again and from the revelation that he
had a potential friend outside the group so he had forgiven Howie and
listened.

Nick wasn't sure about the plan but he knew that Howie had been right.
Sully and Alex were in a volatile place and there was one rule in the
Backstreet book that you did not break and that was not letting stuff
affect your work.  Nick wasn't sure that AJ could break this one again and
they needed to be careful.  If Sully and Alex were aware that this could
affect the rest of the boys if they had another argument then they might be
more cautious and that would be a good thing.

Nothing else could ruin this tour or the band would have to rethink their
careers.  The fans might not take yet another postponement well especially
if it was over one of the band's ex-boyfriends.

"Hey Nick.  You coming in for a meal?" AJ asked as he climbed down off the
bus that he shared with Sully.  "I need some good red meat and some decent
food."

"Don't get too comfortable, we're only stopping for thirty minutes." A
stern voice told them.  It was the only words that Kevin spoke before he
too headed off to wherever he was going.

"I'll come with you." Howie said quickly.  "I wanted to talk anyway."

"Well, I guess I'll catch up with my roommate then." Sully said as he
nodded to Nick and indicated that he would wait outside for him.  "You boys
go off and have fun."

"You sure?" Alex asked Sully.  Howie was wondering if he was too late and
if they were together but there was only concern between the other two and
not lust.  That had to be a good thing.

"Yeah. " Sully replied.  "You have a whole day with me, go spend some more
time with your boys."

Alex nodded and waited a moment for Howie before heading inside.

The plan had started, Nick thought, now all he had to do was talk to Sully
about keeping it cool with AJ.  Somehow he thought it sounded easier than
it would be.

***

Howie waited until they were inside and seated with plates in front of them
before he started.  He knew AJ well enough to know that the other man was
always more amiable after he had been fed.

"So, how are you and Sully getting on?" Howie asked conversationally.

AJ looked up from his burger and fries and frowned.

"What do you mean?" AJ responded, his mouth still full of something.

"God." Howie said as he rolled his eyes at the display.  "I mean how are
you getting on.  It's kind of sudden for you to ask him on tour and he
hasn't been back that long."

"It's okay." AJ said.

Howie raised an eyebrow, as if willing Alex to go on and his friend watched
him for a moment.

"I haven't fucked him yet if that is what you're implying." AJ said, timing
it so that Howie had just reached for a sip of his drink as he spoke the
words.

When Howie choked, soda coming out of his nose and his eyes watering, Alex
knew that it had worked.

"Alex..." Howie protested as he coughed and wheezed.

"What?" AJ feigned innocently.  "That was what you were implying."

"I wasn't I just..." Howie paused.  That was exactly what he had been
implying he had just hoped that he was being more subtle than he had been.
"Okay, I'm just worried about you Bone."

"Don't be." AJ responded.  "There is nothing to worry about.  We're both
adults and even if anything did happen, which it won't, I know how to be
careful."

"It's not that I'm worried about." Howie responded.  "I know that you're
careful with your health but you're not always so careful with your heart.
If you give it away again I am worried that this time we'll lose Alex for
good."

"I can't give him my heart." AJ responded to Howie seriously.

"I know that you think that now but..." Howie began, thinking that AJ was
saying that he was not ready for a relationship.  AJ held up his hand.

"It's not that D, I know that it will be hard to build a relationship now
but that is not why I can't give him my heart." Alex replied.  "I can't
give him my heart because it is already his."

***

To be continued...

And I promise that Sully and Alex will be back together soon :)