Date: Thu, 24 Oct 2002 16:48:11 +0100 (BST)
From: Jezebel <eh_oh_po@yahoo.com>
Subject: Set Adrift 16

Set Adrift 16

Disclaimers: This story is fiction and it is not intended to imply anything
about the true sexuality of the celebrities mentioned or any personal
knowledge about their private lives.  If you are underage for your area or
if it is illegal for you to look at this why not go somewhere else, if you
don't like the thought of two men together in a loving, sexual way this
isn't for you either.

-------------

Breakfast was strained.  It was the first time that Kevin and Sully had
been in the same room since their heated argument at the Compound the day
before.  Now that they were in a hotel it was no different.

Sully was willing to put any differences behind them and was trying to be
pleasant but he would not be overly kind or else Kevin would think that it
was okay to treat him like that.  Sully believed Brian when he said that
Kevin was not always like that and that he was just overprotective but
Sully also never wanted to be on the receiving end of that wrath again.

For the most part Nick was the one that was keeping the peace, he was happy
about something and wanted everyone else to be happy too.  After a while
Kevin slinked back into his silence and Nick and Brian kept up the
conversation with a discussion about video games and where the tour was
going.  Howie and AJ chipped in when they felt the need and Sully would
listen with interest at some points and feign interest at others.

It was not perfect but it was the way that things were going to be.  At
least it was not too testing on them all.

The days were pretty regimented as far as Backstreet were concerned, it was
the only way for them to have any semblance of a life on tour.  They had a
strict routine that they followed and would block the rest of the world out
as it was not part of that routine.  As Sully sat in the post-breakfast
meeting he wondered if that was why Alex had found it so hard to function
in the real world, after leading such a structured life.  He would not ask
him directly but it gave him a little insight into what it was that Alex
had been escaping.

"So, Sully, I'm not sure what you're going to do while all of this is
happening." Kevin said as he went over the schedules.  "Alex wasn't really
clear on what you were doing with us."

"He'll come with us." AJ responded.  "Sully is here as my friend."

"And you don't think that anyone will question why we suddenly have a sixth
member?" Kevin asked sarcastically.  "He can't be with us the whole time
without someone getting suspicious."

"I won't get in the way." Sully replied for himself.  "I'll disappear for
the photo shoots and interviews but join you at the venues."

"That sounds like a good compromise to me." Nick said, acting as a
mediator.  Brian and Howie agreed and it was only AJ and Kevin that seemed
annoyed by the suggestion.  Still, it was them that were being asked to
compromise.

"So, we're clear on the schedule?" Kevin asked after a moment of
uncomfortable silence.

There was a general affirmative response and Kevin decided to leave it at
that.  Sully thought about it for a moment and then nodded as well, he was
pretty sure that the question was not aimed at him but he would respond
anyway.

The days were structured so that when they were not travelling between
venues they would be staying at hotels.  The morning was filled with local
promotions, interviews and competitions followed by a light lunch which may
or may not be shared with fans that had won the chance to meet the boys.
After Lunch they would travel to a venue, do a sound check, followed by the
meet and greet and then the concert.  After the show they would either head
back to the hotel for the night off or if there was no second show in the
city then they would be on the bus and on the way to the next show.

It sounded like a tough and gruelling schedule but Sully supposed it was
necessary.  He remembered when Alex had first told him of their trip to
Germany, that it had all been about the fans and it seemed that no matter
how large the Backstreet Boys became it was still all about the fans.

Sully had a good respect for that attitude and he saw a little of the old
Alex in it.  The man that would have driven around his old neighbourhood to
give his friends a ride in a limo when he was famous, that was the same
Alex that still thought of his fans even though he was now big enough to
blow them off and still be loved because of who he was.

It was almost enough to make Sully fall in love with him all over again.

"You okay?" Nick asked as they made their way out of the room and off to
start the day.

"Yeah." Sully said as he watched Alex and smiled.  "I'm good."

"And Alex?" Nick asked with concern.

"I think he'll be fine too."

***

Over the next few days they settled into their schedule and Sully began to
see how the tour process worked.  He even managed to spend a few hours
helping out with the general workers on tour and getting an idea of what it
was that the other people on the tour did.  He had a lot of time off to see
them working while the boys were doing their mornings promotional work.

Sully was not sure that Alex had taken his offer seriously.  They had slept
in separate rooms every night since that first night and Sully had to admit
that he was a little disappointed at that.  He wanted to be wanted and
right now Alex seemed to be doing fine without him.  His friend had barely
even spent time with him without the other band members being there and
Sully was sure that he was not the only one questioning why he was still
there when Alex seemed to be doing good.  Of course he should have known
that any premature thoughts along that line would just be a cause for
trouble.

It was on there third night on tour that it went down.

Sully didn't know how it had started, the stage hands had been playing some
joke or other on Nick and had left out a set of tools, the first that Sully
heard of the accident was when Howie hobbled in carrying an icepack
clutched to his knee.

"You should get that elevated." Sully said without really thinking.  He
didn't know a lot but he remembered someone at the club falling once and
someone had said that.

Howie had smiled and fallen into a seat, taking the weight off his leg.

"What happened?" Sully asked as he watched the look of agony that Howie was
trying to hide.  It was clear that he had a bruise or a swelling that
needed attention.

"Someone left their tools out on stage and I tripped over Alex." Howie
said.  "He seemed to be fine, it was me that got injured."

"I could give you a massage." Sully offered.

Howie coughed.

"I don't know if I would survive your style of massage, I've seen you give
a back rub remember."

Sully laughed, he wondered if they would ever tire of that joke.  He had
been serious about the massage, not in a sordid way but just one to relax
the muscles in Howie's knee.  It might at least let him know what was going
on.

"I did a little sports science in college." Sully admitted.  "I had a crush
on the assistant coach and he taught me a thing or two, of course the fact
that he had learned them from his wife was crushing to me, but I learned a
little about massage."

"Okay." Howie said as he took off the ice pack.

By the time Alex got there Sully had Howie lying on his back, one leg
raised and the long-haired Backstreet Boy was groaning at the manipulation
of his now relaxed muscles.

Alex got a stormy look on his face as he saw the scene and then turned to
leave.  It was only Nick standing in his way that stopped him from getting
out of there immediately and running away.

"Get out of the way Nicky." Alex accused as he tried to push past.

Nick was not having any of it and pushed back.

"Alex?" Sully asked as he got confused from seeing his friend.  "Are you
okay?"

Sully lowered Howie's leg, put aside the deep heat that he had been rubbing
into the joint and wiped his hands on a towel before standing and going to
his friend.

"Back off Carter." Alex said again.  "I meant it."

"Alex?" Sully asked as he put his hands to AJ's shoulders and rubbed them
softly.  AJ tensed with the action.

"Don't touch me." He seethed through gritted teeth.

Sully dropped his hands immediately and took a step back.

"Let him go Nick." Sully advised as he saw the taller man towering on the
door way but also saw the tension that was coiled up in AJ like a string
that was ready to be sprung.  "Alex, I'll be around later if you want to
talk." Sully added as a codicil as AJ walked away.

They watched as AJ stalked off and Sully wondered what was wrong with his
friend.  He hoped that he had not just sent Alex off when he was in need of
a drink but he also knew that in the past his friend had come to him, or
one of the others, and could only hope that he would do that again.
Besides, they were in the stadium surrounded by security, if nothing else
AJ would not get very far.

Sully could only hope that this would be enough, because the last thing
that they needed was AJ drinking again.  He didn't think that he could deal
with being the cause of that, especially when he did not know what AJ was
upset with in the first place.

***

AJ paced the backstage area of the stadium restlessly as the words flowed
through his mind.  They were angry and thoughtless as he knew he had been
earlier but he wanted to get them out of his mind before they were spoken
and his newly rebuilt and tentative friendship with Sully was destroyed.

How could Howie do that to him? AJ asked himself.  AJ wanted Sully for
himself, he was his friend, no one else's and yet he had been sitting with
Howie laying on his back and not AJ.  Alex wanted nothing more than for he
and his friend to resume their relationship but he could not ask that of
Sully.

Alex knew that he didn't deserve Sully but he could not help his jealousy
when he saw him with someone else.  He knew that Sully had been with Drew,
he had heard a little about the other man's lover both from Nick and from
Sully himself, and that was bad enough.  But to see him touching one of the
other Backstreet Boys in the way that he knew he wanted to be touched by
Sully had driven Alex to despair.

What was worse was that now he was angry and the others would be worried.
Alex didn't want them to worry but he was sure that they would want him to
talk through his feelings as his counsellor had discussed.

The problem was that he didn't want to tell anyone else about his feelings,
especially not Sully and he was the one that he had brought with him to be
there when he needed someone to talk to.  This was one thing that he could
not talk to his oldest friend about.  He hoped that Sully would understand
if he didn't want to talk.  Maybe in time he would tell him but he could
not risk losing him, not yet.

***

Alex returned with an hour to spare.  Just enough time to join the meet and
greet without anyone having really noticed his absence.  Well, anyone
outside the band at least.

The Boys went on stage without discussing the events of earlier in the day.

Howie had his ankle strapped up but was cleared by the medic to be able to
dance.  They would review it if he got any severe side effects from the
injury but the medic was pleased that the swelling seemed ot have gone
down.  No one mentioned the fact that it was Sully's manipulation of the
joint that may have stopped further swelling.

The show was good on a technical level, all of the moves and songs were
accurate and no one would really miss a thing but to the watchful eye there
was something off.  Sully, who had seen the show and sound checks a number
of times could see that the spark was missing in the boys and even Nick who
had been glowing since their return to the tour was a little subdued.  Alex
was especially down and didn't seem to take any comfort in the cheer when
he announced that he was three months sober.

Sully didn't know what he could do but he knew that something had to be
done.  Otherwise there might not be a band for the fans to see at the next
show.

***

As the five men came off stage there was a general consensus that something
had to be done about morale in the Backstreet Boys camp.  Kevin was ready
to rant and rave about their performance that night but he was stopped when
he saw that Sully was already waiting in the dressing room for them.  One
of the few rules that they had on the tour was that no one came into the
dressing room without good reason.  Usually it was an area that was
reserved for the band alone, this was the place that they aired their
grievances and shared their secrets.  No one else was supposed to enter
that space without permission.

"Hi." Sully said, his words directed at Alex as he ignored everyone else.
"We need to talk."

It was those four words, four of the most ominous in the English language,
and Alex merely nodded.  The other four could see some sort of internal
battle that was going on in each of the other two but they felt powerless
to stop it.  This conversation could have a large effect on the rest of the
tour and none of them would be privy to it.  Somehow that felt wrong.

"I think that we need to talk about sending Sully home." Kevin said after
the pair had left.

"That isn't even an option." Howie replied.

"If he goes, I go," was Nick's response.

Brian did not speak but Kevin had to wonder what it was that these boys saw
in the other man that he had missed.

Maybe it was time for him to re-evaluate the situation, but he was keeping
an open mind until he heard what it was that AJ and Sully discussed.

After all, perhaps Sully himself would suggest that it would be best for
him to return home.  Kevin could hope and if not he would consider making
better friends with the man that his brothers seemed to respect so much.

***

Outside the dressing room Sully had followed Alex to a relatively empty
part of the backstage area before taking a seat on a raised step and
beckoning for Alex to join him.  It was obviously an unpopulated area
because there was no carpet on the floors and there was no paint on the
walls.  Still the bare greyness of the entire space reflected Sully's
uncertain mood.

"I'm sorry about earlier." Alex started.

He knew that one of them would have to apologise and it might as well be
him.  There was a fear in the back of his mind that if he did not make the
first move then he would lose Sully again and he did not want that to
happen.

"I don't mind so much how you reacted as why you reacted." Sully replied
honestly.  "Was it something that I did or said?"

"I just..." Alex sighed, looking down at his hands as he wrung them
together and thought about what to say.  "I invited you on tour to be here
for me." He said finally, knowing that it had come out wrong.

Sully reached out and put an arm around Alex and patted his shoulder in a
brotherly gesture.  It was the most that Sully felt he could do without
giving away his deeper feelings for Alex.

"I am here for you." Sully added.

Alex sighed again.

"I guess I was just jealous." AJ said.

He didn't want to give away his growing feelings for his friend in case it
caused problems but he wanted to be able to go to Sully and know that he
was at least half honest.  If they didn't have honesty then they could
never hope to rebuild the friendship that they had lost.

"You don't have to be jealous.  I'll give you a massage if you like." Sully
replied.

"But not a back rub?" AJ joked.

Sully's intake of breath was an indicator that maybe he had gone too far.

"I mean..." Alex began a retraction of his statement but was met with a
firm kiss which quelled his words.

When Sully pulled away he wondered if he had done the right thing.  Maybe
AJ had just been joking around but either way the line had been crossed now
and there was no going back.

Alex's lips met Sully's again and Sully got the non verbal answer to his
question as to whether this was the right thing.

Sully didn't care if it was right or not.  It felt good and Alex thought so
too.

"We should go." Sully said reluctantly as he pulled away again.  "The
others will be waiting and you need a shower before you go back to the
hotel.  I doubt that they'll want to travel with you in the small confines
of a car while you smell like that."

"I smell of success." AJ said as he stood to go back to the dressing room.

"You're full of shit is what you are." Sully replied.

AJ laughed and took a few steps and for a moment Sully wondered if he had
imagined the kiss but then he felt a hand intertwine with his own and he
knew that though the words would have to be spoken eventually for now they
had said enough.

Just the fact that they were together spoke volumes.

The others were waiting in the dressing room apparently not having moved
from the spots that they had been in when Sully and Alex had left.  Sully
didn't think that they had been gone that long but it was certainly long
enough for them to have moved or finished dressing in Nick's case.

"Okay?" Nick asked as he saw the pair walk in.  It was not really a
question on how they were so much as one about the atmosphere between the
pair of them.

Sully nodded and then pushed Alex toward the shower.

AJ laughed and went to get ready to go.

"I thought we were in a hurry," he commented as he left the room.  "You
guys aren't exactly rushing out the door."

Brian and Nick both moved at the comment and Kevin and Howie followed them.

As Sully turned his back and tried not to watch the half naked Backstreet
Boys as they got dressed in their street clothes and prepared to leave the
stadium behind he wondered what else there now that he and Alex were
together.  There was a long road ahead of them but suddenly it seemed less
lonely.

"You ready to go?"

Sully felt the hand on his shoulder and turned to see AJ behind him,
sunglasses firmly in place and a familiar black cap on his head.  He nodded
and followed AJ and the others out and back to the hotel with a tight
stomach as he wondered what the rest of the evening had in store.

His main question was whether or not he would sleep alone tonight?

***

***

Sully lay on his bed, a magazine in front of him as he idly flicked through
its pages and tried not to think about the fact that Alex was around
somewhere else and not there with him.  When the knock on his door came
Sully realised that he was suddenly very aware of his loneliness and he
rushed to the door without checking what he was wearing.

Sully realised too late that he had answered the door in only his boxers
and to his horror it was not AJ on the other side.

"Hi.  Can I come in?" Nick asked nervously as he took in the expanse of
bare chest that was in front of him.  "I mean, if I'm interupting I can.."

"Come in." Sully said as he himself moved further inside and grabbed a
robe.  He pulled it on hastily and then indicated for Nick to take a seat.
"What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering.." Nick began.  "I mean.."

"Take your time." Sully prompted helpfully.

"How well do you know Ben?" Nick asked, blurting the question out before he
really knew if it was the question that he wanted to ask.

"Ben Maloney?" Sully asked as he quickly searched his brain for anyone else
that he knew with the name Ben.

"Yeah." Nick replied.  Sully saw a look in Nick's eye that could have been
a dreamy faraway look of someone with a serious crush and hoped that it
wasn't.

"I know of him." Sully replied.  "He hangs at the club with his entourage.
That's the boys that fucked him and stayed around and the ones that are
holding out and hoping that he will fuck them.  Why?"

"I like him." Nick said.

"Have you actually spoken to him much?" Sully asked.

No one just liked Ben Maloney, he was the kind of boy that could get what
he wanted with just a shake of his ass but he wasn't the type that you had
a conversation with.  He was a trick not a lover and as cruel as it was to
say it Sully wasn't sure that he was the type of person that Nick should
get involved with.  Especially not with a career as high profile as Nick's
was.

"Yeah, we spoke a few times on the phone.  He seems nice." Nick replied.

"But you've already been with him?" Sully asked, although it was more of a
statement than a question because Sully knew that Nick and Ben had been
together.  It was one of the sexual liaisons that Ben had rarely spoken
about but that a lot of people knew of.

"Yeah." Nick challenged.

"Nick.  Have you ever heard Ben talk about Love?" Sully asked, trying a
different tack to see if this would work.

"He said he didn't believe in love.  At least not for people like us." Nick
admitted softly, his eyes downturned and his voice sad.

"You're not like him Nicky, you're better than him." Sully said
sympathetically.  Sully had developed feelings for Nick as a friend and
didn't want the young man thinking that he was a slut.  He was nowhere near
as bad as Ben was rumoured to be.

"I think I might love him." Nick confided softly.

"Women always say that no matter how hard you try you can't change a man.
I don't know if that is true of all men but you'd have to work pretty hard
on that one." Sully responded.

"What do I do?" Nick asked.

Nick sounded desperate now and Sully felt for him.  He wondered if there
really was anything that his friend could do that would stop him getting
anymore hurt by the rejection.

"My advice, for what it's worth, would be to just keep doing what you have
been.  Be his friend.  Talk to him, maybe e-mail him, and just see how the
friendship goes."  Sully said.  "At least get to know him a little more
before you make any serious decisions."

"You think that if I spend enough time with him I'll get over it?" Nick
asked.  Sully had to admit that the boy was clever.  "This isn't some
stupid crush.." Nick spat.

"No.  I don't think it is." Sully said and sounded sad about it.  "But it
might give you a little more insight into Ben Maloney and his world.  If
you still want to be with him and a part of that world after you've gotten
to know him better then maybe you'll have a chance."

Nick sighed.

"I'm sorry Nick, but that is about all I can offer." Sully said as he
looked down at the floor in defeat.

Nick nodded and stood, turning to leave, not even saying goodbye as he left
the room.  Sully was about to go after him when he heard the door to his
room shut.

Sully looked up and saw a pair of bare feet, following them up he saw a
pair of jeans covered legs which led up a chest to AJ's smiling face.

"I thought he would never leave." Alex said with a smile.

Sully sighed.

Alex's face dropped slightly.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked, his voice laced with concern.

Sully mustered up a small smile and then stood, walking to Alex and holding
out his arms, glad when the other man took his need for physical comfort
over further conversation.  Sometimes it was easier not to talk and to just
let actions speak for themselves.  Sully hoped that they would not have to
talk tonight about what had happened earlier or what was about to happen.
He would prefer to just do it and then talk about it later.

"You ready for bed?" Alex asked huskily.

Sully nodded gratefully and wondered if they would do anything more than
sleep, by the time they reached his bed though he didn't think he would
have the energy.  Thankfully Alex stripped down to his own underwear and
slid in one the left side that Sully had left empty.  He placed a gentle
kiss on Sully's shoulder and then wrapped himself up in his friend's arms.

There was time for everything else but for now they were safe enough in
their shared comfort.

Everything else could wait, at least until morning.

***


To Be Continued soon...

Notes: There will be more Nick in future chapters, for all that asked for
more :)

As for Sully and AJ if you have any ideas about these two let me know :)

Feedback is always welcomed at: eh_oh_po@yahoo.com