Date: Sun, 4 Aug 2002 22:25:05 +0100 (BST)
From: Jezebel <eh_oh_po@yahoo.com>
Subject: set adrift chapter 4

Title: Set Adrift
Author: Jezebel the Temptress
Feedback: eh_oh_po@yahoo.com

Disclaimers: This story is fiction and it is not intended to imply anything
about the true sexuality of the celebrities mentioned or any personal
knowledge about their private lives.  If you are underage for your area or
if it is illegal for you to look at this why not go somewhere else, if you
don't like the thought of two men together in a loving, sexual way this
isn't for you either.

Summary: Nick finds out that one small act can have severe repercussions
for a long time to come.  Who would have thought that one kiss could cause
so much pain?

Check out the following stories by the authors that inspire me:
Maze of Moments (Nsync - Lance)
On the Streets (BSB - Kevin)
Under Management (Nsync - Lance)
Brian and Me (BSB)
JC's Hitchhiker (Nsync)
Double Take (BSB)
My New Life (Nsync)


---------------------

Note: Another jump in time but this will bring us a lot closer to the
present and finally to the part that we have been leading up to.  This
deals with some tough issues, alcoholism, some minor violence and finally
some sexual intimacy; you knew they had to get some eventually.



*Two Years Later - 2001*



AJ was drunk.  This was hardly a new thing for him, at 23 he was used to
drinking, he had grown up around alcohol but lately he seemed to be
spending more time in a state of inebriation than out of it.  It was just
easier that way.  Life had handed him too many lemons to make lemonade and
so he had to find other ways of dealing with it, alcohol numbed the pain
and when that didn't work he was glad to have some chemical stimulation to
do the rest for him.

It was as if all of the bad stuff in his life had come to a head, he had
lost his grandmother, the only woman other than his mother that he truly
trusted and had split with his girlfriend at the same time.  Amanda was a
great girl, she got a tough time from the fans and an even tougher time
from the press but it had finally been him that had driven her away, he had
been drinking back in the day when it had still been only an occassional
occurrence and he had made the mistake of chatting up one of her friends.
Amanda was usually open to that kind of thing, okay with him flirting with
other people, especially on tour or when it could not be helped but he had
made two fatal mistakes; one she had been right next to him at the time and
two it had been one of her male friends that he was chatting up.  He didn't
know why but apparently his being bisexual worried her and she was worried
that he would go off with another man.

Life was hard, they were in the middle of a tour that was not going well
and AJ couldn't really see a way out of this rut.  As he reached for
another bottle of Jack Daniel's from the mini bar, a brief thought of his
pups at home made him think of his Mom and that led back to Sully, at the
end of the day it always came back to him.  AJ sighed, he needed to get his
mind out of that train of thought before he arrived at depression city.

Scouting around for something to do AJ was surprised to find that Nick had
left out his notebook, he was never usually that careless and the notes
that he kept in there were a closely guarded secret that not even his best
friend Brian or his younger brother Aaron were privy to.  AJ was sharing a
room with the youngest in a hope that it would moderate his drinking, of
course it didn't help when Nick had gone out for the evening and left him
behind with a full mini bar, they had not really thought it through
properly.  AJ hated the fact that they thought he needed a minder and
decided that reading Nick's diary cum notebook would be the perfect
revenge.  He didn't know that he would find out what he did nor what it
would mean to them both as a band and as brothers.

AJ turned it to the first few pages and flicked through pictures from their
first photo shoots and some lyrics that Nick had obviously toyed with in
the early days.  It was obvious that this was only for the most special
occassions as it was rarely written in for more than a few words, a name or
possibly a number, a snippet of a thought or a lyric.  The first full entry
was about touring Germany and meeting Mieke and Felice, two girls that had
gone on to be Nick's first and second girlfriends.  The next was about
England, the rest of Europe and drinking in a bar despite being underage,
the type of things that a sixteen year old would have been excited by.  It
was the next page that amazed AJ, merely because the date was one that was
important to him too.




June 15th

I can hardly believe it, after a few weeks of confusion and despair I
finally did it; I kissed another man.  I can't say that it was much
different to a girl and yet it felt better in some ways, perhaps because it
is so secret and it feels dirty (but in a good way if that is even
possible!).  Alex said I'm too young, that he is with AJ and a whole
barrell of other excuses but I know that he wants me, he must do or else he
wouldn't have kissed me back.  It's great, I feel as if I want to tell the
world but I promised that it would be our little secret and the amazing
thing is that I want to do it again.





It took a moment for AJ to realise that this was written the day before his
friend had left, and that the Alex that Nick had written about was his
Alexander, Sully to his friend.  Nick can't have known him too well, no one
called him Alex, least of all a lover.  AJ knew what his lovers called him
because once, for a brief moment in time he had been one of the people that
called Sully a lover.  Not Nick.  Never Nick.  If he had truly had a secret
affair with Sully he would know that no one called him Alex, only his
father and the man was long gone from his life.

"Hey." Nick said, having come in unheard as AJ was deep in thought and
seeing the other man reading his private thoughts.  "That's private."

"You BASTARD!" AJ screamed as he threw the book at Nick, watching as it
missed the blonde and flew directly into the terracotta coloured wall on
the other side of the room.  He must be more drunk than he first thought if
his aim was that out.  Maybe he should leave the room and calm down a
little, he couldn't face the other man at that moment.

AJ moved to leave but Nick made the mistake of grabbing the door to their
shared hotel room as AJ moved out of it.  AJ pulled the door firmly behind
him and watched as Nick's hand got shut into it, trapping him with a loud
crack as the heavy safety door crushed his hand.

Nick screamed out in pain and two doors on their corridor flew open,
obviously worried people coming to check what the racket was about.  Brian
ran to the door that AJ was holding loosely and pushed it open, wincing
himself as he heard the yelp of pain that Nick emitted as the door moved
away from his damaged hand.  Howie too had come out and went to AJ, wanting
to make sure that whatever had taken place did not erupt into a full scale
brawl.

By the time Kevin came out he could see Brian staring daggers at AJ while
soothing Nick and Howie half holding AJ up and half pinning him into the
wall.  Kevin was about to lay into AJ when he saw the tears streaming down
his friend's face.  This was not the time for laying blame it was the time
for getting them help, both the immediate medical help that Nick needed for
his now very purple hand and the long term psychological help that AJ so
obviously needed to deal with the problems that they had ignored for too
long.

It was not normal for someone to drink this much, he should have seen it
before but as he smelled the alcohol so clearly on AJ he knew that he had
let him down, spending too much time with Kristen.  They had all let AJ
down, ignoring the problem in the hope that it would go away or clear up on
its own.  A lot of people had problems that they alleviated with a little
drink every now and then but not all of them were prone to alcoholism as he
could now see AJ was.  After tonight none of them would make that mistake
again and ignore something so huge.  Not if it meant more broken bones.
Maybe they had gotten off lucky, after all AJ could have been driving or
could have gotten into a fight with someone bigger.  Maybe a broken hand
was a small pennance for their ignorance.  Either way it would not happen
again.

"AJ.  Why did you do it?" Howie asked, trying his best to soothe his friend
while getting to the bottom of the problem.  "What made you lash out at
Nick tonight?  Why now?"

"He knew." AJ said through the deep sobs that were now wracking through his
body as he tried to let out all of the pain.  "He knew why Sully left and
he didn't say.  He kissed him, scared him away and he didn't even say that
he made him leave.  I thought...He made me think..."

"Shhh..." Howie said as he pulled the still drunk but nonetheless
depressed man to him in a brotherly hug.  "It's not your fault.  It wasn't
ever your fault."

And for the first time in five years AJ began to believe that it was not
his fault that Sully had gone.

---------------------

"...Backstreet Boy AJ McLean was today admitted into a rehabilitation
clinic for alcohol and narcotics abuse after a problem that has been
plaguing him for quite a while has come to light.  The band made a brief
statement saying that all current tour dates will be rescheduled but that
AJ would need time..."

Alexander Sullivan felt his ears prick up at the news, he of course had
gotten used to hearing of his friends over the years, hearing people
discuss if their music had any cultural relevance, if it had staying power
or just seeing their picture on just about every girl's magazine, billboard
and shop window he had passed for the last four years and yet here he was,
still worried at the sound of that name.  The name of the only man that he
had ever truly loved.

"Yo, Sully, you okay?" A voice asked.  He looked up and saw the waiter that
was serving him breakfast, the same man that had served him at this truck
stop every Tuesday for the last few years.  He smiled and nodded.

"Get me the usual Tony, with extra bacon.  I feel hungry today."

Tony smiled and put the full fried breakfast in front of the other man,
still awed that anyone would eat blood pudding, it was an acquired taste
but one that he had imported especially for this regular as well as a few
others and did the full "English" breakfast for once a week.

As Sully took a bite from the artery clogging dinner he could almost feel
the lump forming in his throat.  It was not that the food was inedible but
he suddenly had no appetite, seeing AJ on the screen, his face gaunt and
sickly as he was at a recent interview he could barely swallow the mouthful
he had.  Suddenly the greasy food did not seem so appealing.

"Sorry Tony, I'm not as hungry as I thought." Sully said, sliding the plate
away and going down to the restroom where he lost his lunch.

It hurt him to know that Alex was in pain, that the other man would need a
lot of support and friendship, but what hurt most of all was that he could
not be there to give it to him.  They had shared so much in their pasts and
now just as his friend needed him so desperately he was helpless, all
thanks to one kiss and a piece of paper that barred him from ever meeting
with one of the band or anyone associated with them ever again.  He could
not even call to see how Alex was.  He would have to put up with inadequate
news broadcasts and websites that would only ever tell half the story; he
just hoped that wherever Alex was he was doing better than him and that he
had the love, support and friends around him that he would need if he was
going to get over his problems.

--------------------

Tucson, Arizona was hardly the most glamorous of locations for the
rehabilitation clinic that would be his home for the next month but at
least it was quiet and out of the way.  He had been there for a few days
and so far no one had recognised him as AJ McLean.  Of course it helped
that they had very little contact with the outside world, he was there with
people that were not only alcoholics but those that needed other help and
some of them were better off not seeing the news, what television they did
see was closely monitored and supervised.  It therefore made it easier that
no one could link him to the Backstreet Boy that had the same problem that
they all faced.

Therapy wasn't so bad after a while, once you got over the initial worry
that it would all be blamed on your parents or on some sexual deviation it
was really just a case of talking through problems with an impartial third
party.  Someone that would provide help and advice and would help you sort
through the mess of your life.  AJ had been clean for less than a week and
was already seeing that the drinking had done just as much damage as it had
helped, he had let down his family, his friends and his fans and most of
all he had let down AJ McLean.  AJ was a mask that he wore to be famous and
he was supposed to be the moody one, not the one that smoked crack or drank
too much.  Part of the main problem his therapist told him was that he was
trying to keep AJ and Alex as two separate entities when they were in fact
the same person.  Trying to control two personalities had been a large
strain, perhaps larger than anyone should have to cope with and he had not
wanted them to merge.

He was also working through his issues of anger and hate, he knew that they
were irrational but he still wanted to blame Nick for sending Sully away
even though he believed the other man that they had kissed once and that it
was not something that he had expected, he knew that Sully was AJ's lover
and he did not want to split them up, at least that was what he had said.
At the time it may have been a different sentiment but he was older now,
more responsible and AJ knew that he would not make the same mistake again.
However, it still made him want to rip Nick's head apart, even if it was
the Nick of five years ago and not his more mature friend that he wanted to
kill.  He would have to make do with the throbbing of the broken hand that
his friend had to endure.  He wasn't sure if it would make up for his five
years of pain though.

Neither was Nick.

The younger man was upset as soon as he found out why AJ had been so upset
when he had come in that night.  He had never meant for anyone to find his
private journal but on hindsight he had left it in a rather obvious place
and it was partly his fault that his hand was broken, it was also his fault
that Sully had left in the first place.  At least in part.  He felt some
responsibility for Alex's being alone and wanted to help him.  With the
tour suspended for at least two months while AJ recovered and got back onto
the wagon Nick knew that he had time to at least try and correct the
mistakes that he had made in the past.

Nick wondered for a moment if he should have done more when the other man
first disappeared, if he should even have kissed him in the first place but
this was no time for regrets.  All he had was now and the future and he
vowed that he would reunite the two Alexanders even if it took another five
years to do it because he owed it to them both to at least try.  Maybe it
was time for Alexander Sullivan to come back into their lives.  All they
had to do was find him first.

Nick knew very little about looking for missing people, especially when
like Sully they weren't really missing just misplaced or moved on.  However
as a rich, young and busy man Nick knew a lot about paying people to do
things that you didn't have time for or had no inclination to do.  A
private investigator, though expensive, would have the tools, the expertise
and the contacts to do such a job.

He called two investigators before he found one that would take the case,
he was not too well known and relatively expensive but he promised to make
Nick's case top priority and promised that he would give weekly updates on
the case.  He said similar things to the police, he had read the initial
report that the police wrote during his own search and Nick was inclined to
agree that Alexander Sullivan was not missing, just misplaced.  The only
problem was that after five years he could be well hidden in the system and
even more so could be settled down in a completely different state or worse
than that in a different country.

Nick's only hope was that the man came through and that it would be soon,
because although he was committed to this in the long term there was a
chance that AJ would not forgive him and if he did not then their entire
careers could be trapped in the balance.  Nick was beginning to see just
how disastrous something as simple as a kiss could turn out to be.

---------------------------

To Be Continued.

I don't beg, I leave the puppy dog eyes to Justin or Nick because they look
cuter when they do them, but do let me know what you think.

I know it is dark now but there is light at the end of the tunnel, and it's
coming soon - I'm a sucker for happy endings so they'll get theirs too.

Also, what do you guys think of Nsync?  Should they be here too?


Jez