Date: Tue, 04 Apr 2000 19:58:10 EDT From: Kenitra Writer <kenitra_canada@hotmail.com> Subject: set-you-free-10 Legalities: It's just a story folks. It is not intended to imply anything about any of the Backstreet Boys or anyone else. If you're offended, please go away. If you're curious, read on, you might like it! If you're too young, don't get caught. Notes: Thanks again to everyone who is reading and wrote to let me know they liked this story. A special thanks to everyone who wrote with suggestions and their opinion on how the story should go. Most readers told me two things - Jason should be with Kevin, and I should go with my own instincts. Having said that, I'm taking that advice and sticking to the original story I wrote - SO please no flames if you don't like the way it ends. :-) Hopefully this section explains some of the questions people have been asking...if not email me your question and I'll try to answer it. :-) I've only one more part planned after this. Having said that, I may come back to the story later in the summer if I think of a direction to take it, so never say never. But until then....Enjoy! Kenitra kenitra_canada@hotmail.com BTW - If you haven't read the earlier parts - I'm a gal! _______________ I'll Set You Free ------------------------- (Previously) Jason walked up the two flights of stairs. An idea was forming in his mind, but he had to wait for it all to come together. Back in the apartment he checked on Nick and Brian; they were completely entangled with each other. Jason took a shower, made breakfast then sat out on the balcony watching the brilliant sunlight shine over the city. *************** Part 10 *************** The day went by quickly once everyone was up. Last minute checks for costumes and equipment had to be made. A fan press conference had to be attended, followed by a meet and greet with some terminally ill children. Jason went into overdrive snapping pictures of the five guys in their public element - with the fans. A quick late lunch was the main meal of the day. The early hour of the concert precluded a normal dinner beforehand. About two hours before the concert, the guys were ready to go to the small theatre for warm-ups. "Jason? Why aren't you ready?" Nick asked as he walked into Jason's room. Jason was hanging some photos on one of the lines he'd strung throughout the room. Jason looked at Nick and grinned. "Nick, I'm going to meet you guys there. I want to finish these pictures," Jason said. "Oh, okay. But you'll definitely be at the concert?" he asked anxiously. Jason walked to the blonde man and stood on his toes to kiss him. "I promise." Nick smiled in relief. "See ya later," he said and walked out. Brian stuck his head in the door. "See ya soon, Red?" he asked feeling an unexplainable uneasiness. Jason repeated his actions, walking to Brian and kissing him. "Promise." Jason finished developing the pictures he'd taken earlier in the day. He was still feeling restless. Finally, he changed and headed to the concert. There was a mob of teenage fans outside. Jason fought his way through to the door, showed them his pass and ducked through the entrance. He found his way to the front of the theatre and the separate row of seats reserved for friends and family Jason was nearly deafened by the screams of the hysterical crowd as he took a seat to one side. Only a few minutes later the lights went down in the theatre and spotlights lit up the stage. The five singers were all sitting on stools as they began to sing. They covered a few of their old numbers, but concentrated mainly on the new stuff. Jason thought it was all fantastic. As the evening drew to a close, the stools returned to the stage. The guys took their places - A.J., Brian, Nick, Kevin and Howie. Nick waited until the crowd quieted a little, then stood up. "This last song is very dear to my heart. The lyrics are from a poem written by a young man, no longer with us. The music is from my soul. Together, this song is dedicated to a mutual friend. So, wherever you are M.C.R., thank you for the inspiration. It's called 'I'll Set You Free'." As the music began to play, Nick returned to his seat. Jason's mind finally registered what Nick had said - M.C.R. - Michael Cory Reed. All Jason could do was stare up at the stage as they began to sing. I see the pain deep within your eyes And read the betrayal on your face I don't know how one that you could love Would ever put you in such a place Goodbye my love. Its time for me to leave I've come home, to finally set you free It makes me ache to be so far apart But don't let the hatred take your heart You'll find new love, maybe not today But don't let the fear keep you away Goodbye my love. Its time for me to leave I've come home, to finally set you free Perhaps one day, I can make you understand I am but only a tiny grain of sand But you my love have great things to do I told you once I'd do anything for you Goodbye my love. Its time for me to leave I've come home, to finally set you free You have the courage; I'll set you free You have the strength; I'll set you free You have the hope; I'll set you free Jason felt the tears sting his face as Brian sang the first verse, Nick the second and Kevin the third. All five men sang the chorus. The audience was unusually hushed as the haunting music and lyrics cascaded over the crowd. Every word went directly into Jason's heart breaking down an invisible barrier that he'd built there. As the song ended, he realized what he had to do. He looked at Kevin, who was sitting directly in front of him. For just an instant, Jason's imagination made him think Cory was standing beside the singer. "I know Cory," Jason whispered to himself. Before running off stage, Nick ran to the edge and handed an envelope down to Jason. "Read it!" he mouthed, then slipped off stage. Jason knew the guys would be another couple of hours. They had to shower and change, then attend a media press conference to promote the new CD. Jason folded the envelope and put it in his pocket before slipping outside. He had driven Nick's jeep and made his way to the vehicle. He drove straight back to the apartment. After calling the airport and finding an available flight to Toronto in a couple of hours, he quickly began to pack. He left the photographs until the end. Standing in the doorway, he glanced around the room at the hundreds of pictures. Then he went into action. All the scenic pictures he would take with him. Out of all the pictures of the five singers, he only took a few, some group shots and a single individual picture of each. He sat down at the kitchen table and wrote a letter to Nick and Brian. ################### Dear Nick and Brian, I know neither of you wants to hear this, but its time for me to leave. You will never know how much I enjoyed and needed to spend this time with you both. I had a huge hole in my heart that you showed me how to fill; how to feel again. I will always be grateful. I care about both of you immensely. Listening to Nick tonight, made me realize something though, I've been allowing you to shelter me. I know its what I wanted, it's what I needed at first. But because of you Nick, and you Brian, I think I'm strong enough to stand on my own and face my feelings. I want to find true love, and I have to be strong enough to deal with love or rejection on my own. I believe Cory brought us together to show me that love exists and friendship exists and I do deserve both. I will always cherish you both and hope you feel the same. I've never had friends like you before, and hope you understand why I left, and will still consider me a friend. I've gone home. Yes, despite what happened in that house, it is still my home. You know where I am if you need me or want to see me. All I would ask is you give me a few weeks to adjust to my own life. I hope you always find happiness with each other. Jason. ################### Then came the more difficult one- a letter to Kevin. His will power almost deserted him as he tried to find the words to tell Kevin what was in his heart. After a couple of failed attempts, he finally wrote what he was feeling. He left Nick and Brian's letter propped on the table. He grabbed his suitcase and bags, set the keys on the table, and walked out the door. He went down the two flights of stairs to Kevin's apartment. Before he could change his mind, he slipped the note under the door. He caught a cab to the airport. While waiting, Jason half expected, half hoped someone would show up to stop him. No one did. His flight was called and he boarded the plane, returning to Toronto and his house. It wasn't until he walked into the house that he remembered the envelope Nick had given him. He sat on the stairs and opened up the letter, a letter Cory had written to Nick before the crash. ################# Dear Nick, I'm not going to tell you my name, it doesn't matter because by the time you get this letter I will be dead. I'm not dying from any horrible illness or disease. I'm dying from a broken heart as I watch the love of my life slowly be murdered. I hope you are wondering what I'm talking about. My love has been suffering sexual and physical abuse from his father since he was twelve; he's almost eighteen now. I've known him for three years and have loved him every day since we met. I've tried to convince him to tell someone, but he won't. If I could face his anger and hatred, I would tell myself. But I'm weak. The only good thing I've done with my life is love him and show him that he deserves to be loved. Now I'm going to set him free. Free him to live the life he deserves, and find a new love to make him happy and keep him safe forever. I wrote this poem for him, although he has never seen it. If you think its worthy, I would like to ask you to turn it into a song. Even if the song never is played, I know I'll hear it, and I can only hope that Jay hears it too. I'm not sure why I'm sending this letter to you, except perhaps because you are my favorite. I hope you can understand the sacrifice I'm making, and not hate me for being a coward. Anyway, here is the poem. Do what you will. I'll Set You Free I see the pain deep within your eyes And read the betrayal on your face I don't know how one that you could love Would ever put you in such a place You have the courage; I'll set you free It makes me ache to be so far apart But don't let the hatred take your heart You'll find new love, maybe not today But don't let the fear keep you away You have the strength; I'll set you free Perhaps one day, I can make you understand I am but only a tiny grain of sand But you my love have great things to do I told you once I'd do anything for you Goodbye my love. Its time for me to leave I've come home, to finally set you free MCR ##################### ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ After he gave the envelope to Jason, Nick rushed off stage. All of them were pumped and talked excitedly about how the concert went. "Anyone seen Jason?" Brian suddenly asked. Everyone shook their heads. "I gave him Cory's letter to read, so maybe he just wanted to be alone for a while," Nick said as he went to shower. They all showered and changed before heading into a small conference room to meet with the media. They fielded the usual questions. "Nick, tell us more about *I'll Set you Free*," one reporter finally asked. "Who is M.C.R.?" Nick thought for a minute before answering. "Earlier this year, I received a fan letter, sort of. It was written by a young man who has since died in a car accident. He told me about the love of his love and how this person was being hurt. He'd written the poem for the person, although never gave it to them. He asked if I thought it good enough, to turn it into a song. I was stunned. The poem was beautiful and as soon as I read it, I began to hear the music in my head." Kevin was unusually quiet during the conference. Over an hour later, almost two since the concert ended, the guys were ready to leave for home. "No sign of Jason yet?" Brian said, realizing he hadn't even been at the press conference. Brian glanced at Kevin. "Kevin?" Kevin had tears running down his face. "He's gone," he said quietly. Somehow, he just knew. "Yeah, he probably went back to the apartment," Nick said, purposely misunderstanding what Kevin said. They drove in silence back to the apartment. Nick ran into the building and was the first to find Jason's letter. He read it, then reread it before handing it to Brian. They both sat there quietly stunned, yet they both knew it had been coming. Kevin walked in a few minutes later, his face streaked with tears, holding a letter of his own. Brian walked over to his cousin and gently pulled the paper from his weak grasp. "May I?" he asked softly. Kevin nodded. Brian read the letter. ############################ Kevin, I'm not sure what I want to say. We always carefully avoided talking about what there was between us. Maybe that was right, maybe not. I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye, but I was afraid. Afraid I'd see that look of disappointment and pain on your face and change my mind. Being with Nick and Brian, and knowing you, has given me the strength to stand on my own. Now I have to try. No, I know exactly what to say. It's what I've wanted to say to you since almost the beginning. When we were first introduced, I felt a jolt, a shock of something. I think it was Cory telling me to open my eyes and look at the man before me. It was you I first told my secrets to, it was you I told my hopes and dreams to, it was you I watched up on stage. When I see your smile, I smile. When someone caused you pain, I felt that pain. I could just sit beside you, never say a word, and be happy forever. It's true that Nick and Brian showed me *how* to fill a giant hole in my heart, but I just realized that I filled that hole with you. I don't think I can say anything else in this letter. I'm going home to find out what my life will be like on my own. I need to know I can survive without crutches, before I allow someone new into my life. I'll ask the same from you as I did from the others; please give me a few weeks alone to figure out my life. Ask Brian or Nick if you want to talk to me or see me. I hope you will forgive me for leaving only this letter. It won't be easy, but I'll understand and I'll survive if you decide your life is better off without me in it. I know I'm still pretty messed up. But I do know one thing that will never change. I love you, Boo. Jason. ###################### It was the one, small, four-word sentence at the end that told Brian everything. Brian hugged Kevin. "I'm sorry Kev, I didn't know. What are you going to do?" Nick took the letter from Brian and read it, finally understanding what was going on. Kevin shrugged. "I'm going to give him time, I guess," he said. "What else can I do?" ********************************* TBC