Date: Sat, 05 May 2001 16:41:54 +0800
From: Mary Jane Whittaker <de_vil@2die4.com>
Subject: shape of my heart 8

Okay. I know this is *way* late. But I've been like, totally busy for like,
the last month, so like, I'm really sorry for like, totally killing y'all.
Hah. Oh alright, I'm sorry. So I sorta made this extra long this time for
all my readers who were suffering in agony meanwhile.

Discliamer: Don't know them. Want to. Don't read if you shouldn't.

Oh, and this space will be taken up by the segment known as "What I think
is good." A story I think is good (duh!) will be posted here for every
episode/installment/whatchamacallit.

And now, for the What I think is good for this whatchamacallit:

Brian and Me (bring him back and make him write more!)

And now, on with the show.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Chill out man!" said Howie. Brian sat down heavily on the bed.

AFter he gathered his senses a little and shut his mouth, Brian asked one
simple word. "How?"

"Simple. Well, ok, actually not *that* simple. But me and AJ gathered
enough over the past few months to surmise that well.. yeah."

"Oh."

***********************************************************************

Meanwhile, Nick had finished his game and was dying to know what Brian
wanted to tell Howie. He stood up and stretched, causing AJ to look up, who
lifted an eyebrow. "Going somewhere?"

"Yeah, I'm going out for a walk. I want to find Brian and know what he
wanted to keep so secret."

"Alright then." said AJ, turning back to his book.

***********************************************************************

Later that night, the two brown-eyed men compared notes. "Well, so what do
we do with these two lovebirds?"

"You sure Nickers said that he loved Rok, Bone?"

"I'm sure that I'm sure, D."

"And Rok said that he loved Nickers."

"Hmm."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"If what you're thinking is what I'm thinking." grinned the younger
man. And he listened intently as the older man quickly outlined his plan.

***********************************************************************

"Wow! I didn't know that your place was so great, D!" shouted Brian over
the music.

"Thanks! Always wanted to bring y'all here, just didn't know why I didn't
do it!"

"Pity Kevin couldn't make it though!" shouted AJ. "Why don't we go
someplace quieter!"

They moved off and into the office upstairs. "That's better. That way I
won't have to spoil my voice."

"Like you're gonna make any difference with smoking that much. Anyway it's
our two songbirds here that have to take care of their voices. We just have
to take care of our looks." jibed Howie. Nick blushed and fell silent. He
hadn't been allowed any drinks by Howie, and since Howie was the boss here,
what he said went. He had minded intially, but after AJ had told him that
Howie needed him to take care of Brian, he just gave a weak smile and
agreed with his temporary liquor ban. Brian, however, was another
matter. He seemed to be back on his alcoholic binge tonight again, and even
though AJ and Howie had tried to control it, he had managed to slip
goodness-knows-how-many triple-malt whiskeys past them and to him too. He
had tried to keep it down, but Howie had caught him about half an hour ago,
and was presently telling Brian that no, Nick can't have a drink as he'll
have to take care of you, and I'll have to take care of AJ.

"Hey, I haven't had *that* much to drink!" It was true. Recently, AJ's
comsumption of alcohol had gone down. Obviously, making him pledge to the
fans was working. Maybe they should try that with Brian too. But
later. Anyway, Howie had a gut feeling that Brian's drinking had something
to do with Nick. Kevin had been called home by his mother, for something
very urgent, that he could tell by the look in Kevin's eyes, but he didn't
know what. And now Kevin had left him, as the second oldest in the group,
with the responsibility of taking care of the group. "Good luck." the older
man had said with a brief smile on his lips, but the urgency and worry were
still in his eyes as he left them at the boarding gate.

Nick was feeling a little zonked out, most probably by the liqour Brian had
given him, and judging from Brian's blurred speech, he was totally
drunk. Who would've thought, thought Nick, that angel boy was an alcoholic?
"Man, you look about ready to go, Nickers." said AJ. He nodded.

"I guess me and Brian'll just take my Durango back."

"Nah, you look a little drunk. In fact, I asked the bartender how many
Brian slipped you. I don't care, you *are* drunk." as Nick started to
protest.  "Even though you're not a very big drunk." added Howie. "Take a
cab back."

"'K. And thanks for the compliment." said Nick dryly. "See ya tomorrow,
yeah? And Bone, don't forget to make two extras tomorrow." Nick was
referring to AJ's so-called 'miracle' hangover remedy. However, it seemed
to work on AJ and AJ only. But it'll be worth a shot, thought
Nick. Afterall, he knew how bad a hangover could be. And he hadn't tried
AJ's 'miracle' yet. Half-carrying Brian out the back door, he went round to
the front, and sat Brian down on the curb, while trying to hail a passing
cab. About five cabs later, he finally managed to get one. Hauling Brian in
after him, he gave the driver the address, amidst Brian's rantings.

"Your friend there, is he alright?" asked the cabdriver.

You'll never know how 'alright' he is, and visions of blue eyes locking
onto blue eyes floated into his mind. He promptly shook himself mentally,
and said, "Yeah, he's just a little drunk."

"Ok. Just make sure he doesn't barf into my darling." the cabdriver said.

"Huh? Oh, ok." said Nick, before falling into a silence, which Brian more
than made up for, with his mumbled mutterings and occasional hiccups.

Nick absently paid the cabdriver as he pulled up into their driveway. Well,
ok, his driveway. He'd kinda never bothered to remember Brian's new house
address, assuming that Brian would move back in with Kevin after checking
that the place was suitable.

After setting Brian down on the curb again and reflecting that Brian had to
lose some weight, Nick unlocked the door and half-carried, half-dragged
Brian in after him. He was glad that he had decided to leave the first
floor bedroom alone, and panting and puffing, dragged Brian to the bed,
such that Brian's body was half on and half off the bed. He sat down on the
bed to take a rest. He giggled at the sight of Brian, then sobered up as he
smoothed down Brian's hair. Alternately giggling and being quiet, he then
sighed and was about to stand up and leave when Brian, who was now
comparatively quiet, turned and moaned, "Nick.." Nick froze and looked at
Brian out of the corner of his eye. "Stay with me.." Nick sighed and turned
to look at Brian properly. Brian was half snuggled against his leg, and
somehow or another, Brian's hand had ended up on Nick's thigh. As Nick
noticed this, his member began to spring to life. He gulped and forced
himself to think of other things, other than Brian's hair, his eyes, his
smile, his hand still on his thigh. Nick quickly pushed it off and in the
same movement, pulled Brian further up the bed. Taking off Brian's shoes,
he looked at Brian, who was tossing around. "Nick?" mumbled Brian. Nick
sighed again. Slipping off his own shoes and socks, he settled down next to
Brian. What was he doing? screamed his mind. But it was already getting
cloudier by the second, and the next thing he felt was the soft pillow
under his head before he drifted off to sleep, making sure of a 'safe'
distance between himself and Brian first, of course.

***********************************************************************

Back in the club, Howie said, "That was hardly foolproof, dontcha think?"

"Well, it *was* the best we could do under these circumstances..." trailed
off AJ. "Anyway, whaddya think happened to Train?"

"Goodness knows. Why are you so concerned about him then?" asked Howie
suspiciously.

"Aren't you then?"

"Well, we know that Train can take care of himself. And.. Oh well, we'll
just have to hope for the best for him then."

"Yeah, I guess."

***********************************************************************

"Hello?" said Kevin tentatively as he entered his home in Kentucky.

"SURPRISE!" shouted everybody as someone flipped the switch on.

"Happy Birthday, honey." said his mother as she hugged him.

"My God, mum, you gave me a right scare when you called up sounding so
flustered. And what was up with Kristin?"

"I *was* flustered, preparing for your party. And what's up with Kristin is
that she's here for your early birthday party."

"Mu-um!" that conveyed his indignation she had to put in so much effort
just for him but Kevin smiled as he hugged his mother back and looked round
at the people in the house. "Thanks guys."

Kristin walked up and hugged him. "So did you miss me?"

Picking her up and hugging her to him, he said, "Of course, darling. How
could I not?" But at the back of his mind, a voice whispered, But you miss
Brian even more. Ignoring it, he carried Kristin to the dining table where
his cake was waiting. And together they celebrated his twenty-eighth
birthday.

***********************************************************************

Brian was dreaming that he had Nick in him arms, and he was telling Nick
that he'd love him forever, and all the things that he had longed to tell
Nick all these years. Then, slowly, he leant down and kissed Nick. Feeling
the lips below him kiss back, he kissed them even harder, slowly slipping
his tongue between Nick's lips. Then Nick moaned. *Then Nick moaned.* Oh my
god, his mind screamed. And he leapt up, then came crashing down again as
the pain in his head surfaced. Closing his eyes for a moment to regain his
balance and to try to reduce the throbbing in his head, he took a deep
breath and opened them again. And he saw Nick, lying flat on his back, his
eyes wide open in some unrecognizable emotion. And Brian got up and ran.

***********************************************************************

Brian crumpled up in the kitchen, then tried to ease off his hangover with
some asprin and think of a way to explain to Nick as to why he was kissing
him. But why did Nick moan? found its way to the top of his head as he
tried to rationalize all that had happened. That question was shelved in
favour of trying to explain to Nick as to why he was kissing him, but Brian
could only come up with Becasue I love you. Deciding to solve that later,
he came up with what he thought was the best solution then. He should have
known that running away does not solve things, but only makes them harder
to bear.

***********************************************************************

Nick lay back on the bed when he heard the front door slam shut. His blue
eyes brimming with tears, he wished he hadn't moaned, because he that was
when Brian woke up from whatever dream he was having to put an end to *his*
dreams. He had woken up, thinking that Brian had called his name, but it
must have been his imagination, for Brian was whispering that he loved
someone very much, and how he had longed to get with her for so
long. "Stupid! Stupid!" he scolded himself. How could he have thought that
his perfectly straight best friend was in love with him? And that kiss. It
was meant for *her* lips, whoever *she* was. He looked at the ceiling
bitterly. Why couldn't he *not* have moaned? Then he could imagine that
Brian *had* been calling his name, and then he could have avoided seeing
that *look* in Brian's eyes, and then Brian would still be here with
him. But now he was all alone.

***********************************************************************

It was the day after the party, and Kristin was out shopping, for she
hadn't had time to buy Kevin a birthday present in time for his party the
day before. So Kevin and his mother were alone in the house, the assorted
friends and relatives having caught their respective flights and rides
home.

"So how's everything with you guys?"

"Oh, everything's fine. We're just prepping for the next tour now."

"I know that. You sent me a copy of your schedule for the next three
months, didn't you? That's why we decided to arrange for your birthday
party for today."

"Well, that was the tentative copy then. But now it's confirmed."

"You seemed a little downtrodden just now. Want to talk about it?"

"Nah, it's just some business, nothing I can't take care of."

"Well, okay then."

Inside, Kevin struggled to tell his mother that, well, that he was gay. But
should he? He didn't even know for sure yet. He sighed and smiled, then
suddenly enveloped his mother in a hug, wiping unshed tears on his
sleeve. One day, he thought. If I am, well, gay, and I'm sure, I'll tell
her. Not now. The wind blew softly, and the wind chimes in the window
tinkled.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay. That's all for now. Go bang your heads against the wall if you
want. I don't care. Don't threaten to kill me, flame me, whatever. Cos if
you do that, it'll be even less likely that the next chapter will come out.

Just kidding. :)

Any comments, suggestions, food, parcels, cash, cheque or money orders or
even the Backstreet Boys are to be sent to de_vil@2die4.com. Flames will be
used for barbeques and arson purposes. Peace out!~ MJ