Date: Sun, 07 Apr 2002 22:30:21 +0000
From: Christopher Barrett <aliens_in_your_horizon@hotmail.com>
Subject: Something Like Justin Chapter 10

This is a bit of relief (if that is what it is called) after a long period
of absence.  Thanks to my he-men; Steve (on a peg! ;)) David, James, Candy
(ooh, should that be She-Ra?), Liz (another She-Ra), Ry, Dawn (She-Ra),
Benny, Denise (She-Ra), swaflyboy, and Jai.

Disclaimer; don't you people get it yet?  I don't own, know or mean to
imply anything about the one and only NSync.  Justin is a free man, Justin
is a free man!!!  YAY!  Go read and send in your chocolate coated emails!!
(too much coffee) O_o


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Something Like Justin Chapter Ten- Playing

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I felt before I could see.  The flesh beneath my fingers was warm,
crumbled from sleep and resistant to my hesitant pressure.  I blinked
my eyes open, the granules of dry sleep irritating my eyeballs,
causing me to remove my touches from the body beside me to wipe
away at the discomfort in my tear ducts.

My plaything, lying so peacefully, so restfully at my side, part
covered by my limp limbs and glistening wet on the curve of the
pectoral where my drool had fell upon him.  My plaything.  I let my
lazy eyes wander over his physicality, my devilish imagination using
the still form to construct idle fantasies.  My plaything.  Curly-
creased, caramel nipples, erect and blushing in the morning, stood
proud puckish from the sweep of his chest.

What was I to do?  I could feel a dull ache in my backside, a
comforting nudging at my tailbone, which made me feel strangely
satisfied with myself.  I yawned soundlessly, scanning his morning
skin with patient enthusiasm, and fear.  What was I to do?

He had touched me, had moved inside of me.  What was I to do?  He
had seen me naked, with my flaws, and now, I felt vulnerable and
awkward.  Yet still, fate forces me to face my fears...

"Morning." He grinned lazily at me, his eyes creased and crinkled
with sleep.

"Morning..." I eventually managed to say as my throat moistened.

"Last night was great." I could feel his arm slid around my waist.

"Yeah...it was," I coughed lightly into my palm, "I'm gonna go get
ready.  We have to go soon."

The shower was cool on my skin as I stepped gingerly beneath its
downpour.  As far as my impatient ears would allow me to know,
Ryan was motionless beyond the flimsy partition door.  The water
ran quickly over my skin, the coldness hardly registering as my brain
boiled with deliberation.

I barely noticed the restrained whine of the door hinges, but I felt
the wave of air as he stepped behind me, dragging his hands up my
sides,

"I thought we'd save time..." He murmured, pressing his lips to my
shoulder.

"I'm finished, so it's all yours." I said levelly and escaped his
embrace.

The tumour of anxiety was already filling out my stomach, making
my body feel heavy and tired as I dressed.  The patter of the shower
through the open door served as a sad, repetitive rhythm to my
thoughts.  I finished dressing and set about stalking over to the
small diner to grab breakfast.

I located Joe, Steph and Hannah through the large plate glass
window, arranged neatly around a small, circular table with their
respective orders half eaten before them.  I fell into the booth beside
Joe and nonchalantly gazed at the laminated menu.

"Morning." Joe greeted brightly, onyx eyes flickering expectantly
over my face.

"Morning." I replied stiffly, not allowing my eyes to be drawn away
from the monotony of the printed surface before me, "You reckon
the eggs are riddled with salmonella or what?"

The three looked morbidly down at three plates of half eaten
scrambled eggs and shrugged.

"May as well make it four beds in the hospital," I chuckled dully and
gave my order to a handy waitress, as she swept past playing with
her plaits.

"You're in a capital mood this morning!" Steph laughed lightly,
"What's got you so down?"

"Nowt." I responded calmly, drumming my fingers softly on the
laminated tabletop.

"Ooh, Chris didn't get lucky last night." Hannah sang jovially.

"Just shut the fuck up." I smiled saccharinely and pulled the plate of
food from the grip of the advancing waitress.

I ignored the wide eyes and grim mouths that viewed me as I
assaulted my breakfast with knife and fork.

"We're going to have to get a move on if we are going to get to
Orlando at a sensible hour." I dictated firmly after swallowing.

"Yeah...we still have quite a way to go..." Joe chimed in, voice
catching distinctly in his throat as he saw Ryan's shadow advancing
on the building.

"Joe, nothing's wrong." I assured in a hushed voice so only he would
hear, "Don't give him any trouble."

Grumbling quietly and lashing an obscene amount of attention to his
breakfast, his taut cheeks and dark eyes communicated his
compliance to my request.  The heavy, glazed door whined tunefully
as Ryan entered the building.  He shot us a movies star smile, all
sparkling eyes and finest dental work, and negotiated the busy staff
before planting himself onto a chair at my side.

"Hi." He feathered a short kiss on my cheek, his busy eyes scanning
the patrons for any sign of his fame in that dusty place.  There was
none evident, so he felt safe.

"What do you fancy?" I gestured vaguely at the menu.

"Ooh, nothing, thanks." Movie star lips and teeth again, "Who's
driving today?"

"Me!" Steph erupted, joyful to be in possession of her steering wheel
once more.

"I can sleep then." Ryan grinned his arm snaking around my back.
He gave a slight squeeze and I focused my tight-lipped attention on
my food.

*****************************

Endless.  At least we were nearly to our destination.  My skin
prickled uncomfortably with heat and a clingy, discreet sweat
confined in the few cubic metres of car with Ryan.  The sides of my
mouth were aching from making all those polite smiles in his
direction when he talked to me, and making excuses of feeling tired,
before dealing with the innuendo he supplied after each excuse.

As the lush humidity and heady clouds of Florida slowly bled into our
conscious, my mind and stomach settled somewhat, blatantly aware
of the encroaching destination.  I felt its smothering arms encircle
me with the sweet mixture of achievement and nervousness that the
bursting city of Orlando held in store.

The maze of corridors forming the honeycomb structure of the hotel
we were staying in provided a welcome sanctuary from Ryan's
company, those persistent reminders of his touches each times his
jacket brushed against my shirt, the swift breath escaping his lips
evoking his kisses and the reflections of the strip lights in his pupils
supplying a haunting memory of his drunken lust.

"Chris?"

The furred edge of her precise voice dragged me out of my musings.

"Emily.  I didn't expect that you'd be here already."  I knew that my
haggard tones were uncharacteristic and left me emotionally naked
before her.

"Well...you know, planes are generally quicker than clapped out old
Buicks." She grinned broadly, the airline obviously having sat well
with her current mood.

"Don't let Steph hear you say that..." I smiled wanly, "...she treats
that car like a child."

"Maybe we should get the NSPCC on her."

I laughed lightly, finding that uncomfortable affliction residing in my
throat when I seem to be breathless and hoarse.

"You okay?" She pulled fugitive, curled locks away from the frames
of her glasses, "You seem tired."

"Yeah...I guess I am." I shrugged, "God knows how many miles
we've travelled."

"You sure that it's just the journey?"

That moment seemed to slow to that unbelievable slow motion that
you only see in the movies, or just before you die.  This was an
invitation, from an old friend, someone who I trusted greatly, but,
recently, whose opinion sat largely out of my favour.  Yet the
uncertainty about my feelings towards Ryan, and the psychologically
significant 'freakiness' of me not wanting to be near him were things
that I needed to give an airing, preferably to someone who could
either reassure me, or counsel me.  And I love to talk about myself.

"No, it isn't just the journey." I bit my lip, "Have you got a few
minutes?"

"Umm...maybe you should sleep before spilling your guts to me,"
Emily built the flood barriers quickly, "I'm guessing that whatever
you want to say won't be helped by you being all ratty.  Get some
sleep, then tomorrow we can go out shopping for the birthday boy's
present, and we can have a good chat all about you."

"Thanks Em." I smiled, the constant fingers pressing on my temples
supporting her suggestion of sleep: in a bed with sheets that don't
cause annoying friction, or are shared by someone else.

Once again, the honeycomb engulfed me as I made my way back to
my non-descript door with its supposed status symbol of shiny brass
numbers.  I wanted a big glittery star stuck on there with my name
scrawled elegantly through its centre, joined by the words, 'fuck off,
I'm sleeping'.

Ryan and I had separate rooms in the hotel, Orlando being a fairly
canny city, the chance of the well primed hotel staff sharing details
of a shared room with a local rag was far too likely to even hint at an
association, and it was the way it had been planned anyway.  I was
aware that this wouldn't stop Ryan looking in on me as it were, but if
I was asleep then I couldn't answer the door.

The milky cool sheets greeted my body and I drifted slowly to a
heavy sleep.

***************************

Whatever dreams I had were threadbare and easily forgotten once a
soft rapping at the door dragged me completely from reverie.
Debating sharply, and incoherently, with myself, I propelled my
sluggish frame from the bedclothes and my crumbled eyes sought
out a bathrobe to cover my nakedness.

My splintered consciousness did note the creamy blushing sunlight
drowning the drudgery of my hotel room, smothering all surfaces
with its burst yolk tint.  Upon passing the indifference of the mirror,
my messed hair, with its reluctant sheen, reminded me that I
needed to devote some pained time on washing it.

The door stammered open at my efforts, revealing a bright ad chirpy
Emily, all bounce and curls.

"Hi.  Oh, you're not ready yet."

"No..." I yawned supremely for effect, "...Give me half an hour."

I swung the door shut in her face.

*****************************

I wasn't sure how we found that place; a square of courtyard tucked
behind and between some of the multi-storey commercial and
residential crates guarding the streets of Orlando.  The place was
refreshingly without a theme, or a corporate identity, so the
numerous other patrons were not sitting and musing over the ethnic
calibre of their meals, nor complaining about the homogenisation of
the globe.

A spattering of those succulent, fleshy leaved plant forms, along with
those stunted palms, rustling their quills with the rush of the nearby
traffic, graced the paved plain.  The three walls enclosing the
courtyard were painted a patchy off white up to around twelve feet
high, from whence the rust red of the brickwork regained its
freedom.  The glare of the sorbet Sun bounded gaily from the broad,
pale expanses enclosing us, and the few tubular metal and mesh
tables.

"So..." Emily disinterestedly fingered the leather key fob I had
impulsively bought Justin from a tacky gift shop.  Embossed onto the
flabby surface were the words 'Made in America', although the 'i' was
replaced with a 'u'.  On the reverse, stamped on in ink was the
phrase 'made in Taiwan'.

"So." I mimicked childishly and played with my glass.

"What is it that's bothering you?" Emily said calmly, "'Cause I know
that something is bothering you."

"Well..." I chewed on my neuroses, trying to categorize my feelings
and fears, "It's a Ryan thing."

"Really?" She frowned, "I thought that things were good between
you two."

"Umm...I guess that they are..." I faded off, looking away from her,
only allowing my eyes to snap back to hers in an unbreakable stare
when I announced softly, "We had sex."

I blushed immediately after I had said it.  It was so immature, to say
it like that, to remember it like that, but there was no other way I
could enter into this without telling her it simply.

"Okay..." She grinned with that kind of superior wisdom of the
experienced dealing with the fragile novice, "And it was good?"

Unsurprisingly, I spluttered a giggle, then affirmed,

"At the time, it was great.  No complaints." I laughed again.

"But?"

"But, when I woke up this morning, it felt different."

Emily restrained a laugh.

"What felt different?"

"Oh, haha." I said dully, but grinning nonetheless, "I meant that I
felt different towards Ryan."

"How?"

"Like, I dunno.  I didn't want him around me."

"Hmm." Emily mused.

"I felt kind of used, or guilty...I don't know." I sighed, those confused
mutterings in my head pushing and pulling away at my
consciousness, my determination to stand higher than my own
psyche.

"You like Ryan though, don't you?"

"Well, yeah." I said.

"With enthusiasm?"

"Yes, I do."  Something was biting my lips and tongue as I said the
words, tightening my throat and stinging my lungs.

"If you don't feel comfortable doing something, then you shouldn't
do it." Emily said carefully, the words bounding off my earlobes, "You
know that don't you Chris?"

"Yeah...I mean," I sighed and shrugged, "Maybe I'm just nervous,
because it was a first for me, so I need to get over it."

"I'd suggest that you tell Ryan what you are worried about."

I knew that it was good advice.  Well, good advice to sustain what
Ryan and I had, whatever that was.  Emily wanted us staying
together because it kept me away from Justin.  My mind was playing
tricks on me.  What did I want?

I took up the leather key ring from where Emily had deposited it on
the painted surface of the table and held it firmly between my
fingers, twisting the hot material and indulging in the clammy kisses
it made on my skin.

A mild breeze crept through the courtyard, rustling the ruffs of
leaves of the small plants, and ushering crinkling protests from the
fabric of our collection of carrier bags.  The lofty heights above us
stood solidly on in the heat, a stray child's cry from an open
apartment window ringing out around in the brief period of silence.

What was I to do?

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End of Chapter Ten

It was short, I know, but I'm hoping the shorter, the sooner.

Email me and make me happy, goddamnit :)

Kris