Date: Fri, 06 Oct 2000 14:35:01 GMT From: JaDe - <melsleepy@hotmail.com> Subject: Boybands - Sorry is Not Enough Okay, Jade here. Some of you might have read my other stories , "Mirror Mirror" and "Can I Keep You?". Sorry to say but those stories won't be continued for the time being. Thanks for all the e-mails and encouragements that I had received. All comments to melsleepy@hotmail.com This story is for Jacqueline.I decided to let out what I am feeling inside so this story is gonna be kinda bleak. All this is going through Lance's head. Sorry Is Never Enough --------------------- Lance looked into the mirror, wincing at the sight of his tear streaked face and red eyes. His eyes fell on the razor which lay on the sink and picked it up thoughtfully. He walked towards his bed, carrying the razor in his hands.He sat down on the bed, switching the razor from one hand to the other. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How can someone say that he loves you one day and break up with you on the next day. The word 'I Love You' used to be such a precious word and bring joy all around. Now it is thrown around carelessly, never meaning what it is supposed to mean. How can he tells me every night that I am his angel and that he loves me when it is all a lie? It is just like one of the songs that he sings. All the love songs which meant so little and yet so much. Does he even believe in the songs that he himself write about love? He used to call me and tell me everyday that he misses me and that if both of us trust each other, our relationship will work. Now what happened? He didn't have the guts to even tell me that he is seeing someone else on the side. He just stopped calling and leave me hanging. When I called him, all he could say is that he thinks that our relationship can just stop there and that we should break up. He didn't even tell me the reason for breaking up till I pry it from JC. He had told JC that he is seeing someone else and that I am just someone that he have to deal with. How would someone feel if when their ex boyfriend started asking him advise on their current squeeze. On how to make the other boyfriend happy? That night when he asked me that, I felt like screaming and punching him out. How can he ask me whether do I still love him? He is playing with my emotions, making me sad and blue. I asked him why did he ever court me in the first place, how come he tell me all those lies of loving me and why did he have another boyfriend? All he could say is that he was bored last time, that's why he courted me. He needed someone to talked to and since I was his boyfriend, I am there for him. The reason for him having another boyfriend is that the distance thing is getting to him. He needed someone to be with him all the time, hugging him, kissing him and be there for him. When he told me all that, what am I? Wasn't I the perfect boyfriend? I didn't pressure him to fly to where ever I am to meet me or even check on him like what other people will do. All I asked for is his love and understanding. Even that he couldn't give me. Once he knew of his friend's love for him, he grab it and just leave me there like that. Not once thinking of me, of my feelings..... Whenever I see him around or online, all he could say is 'Sorry'. All your sorries aren't enough. How can sorry mend a broken heart? How can a sorry undo all the hurt that he had caused me? He could say the word easily, 'Sorry' but did he ever think of what I am going through. Beating myself up because I wanted to know where I had go wrong in the relationship. I hate that word now. Sorry. It meant nothing, it is just another stream of lies from your mouth. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lance lay down, staring at the ceiling. A song started to play on the radio. You took my breath away The first time I saw you When you asked me to be yours I agreed in a heart beat You used to say that you want to protect me Keep me from all harm Now you starts to avoid me when you see me You are not worried about me and my problems People say that love is like flying a kite If you pull too hard, you will regret it Love is so painful It makes the blue sky seems black like the night It's not fair When you wanted to break up with me, I am the last one to know the news It's not fair How can you hug me and then leave me there Now I see you with another girl Giving her all your love and kisses It's not fair It used to be me in her spot How can this be happening Love is all a lie As the song ended, fresh tears appeared in his eyes. Lance shook his head and sat up. "Kevin, I wish you all the best with Nick. Treat him right this time," Lance whispered and picked up the razor's blade. Anything is better than going through this feeling of helplessness. Of numbness. Lance bit down on his lip as he flicked the blade quickly across his wrists. He lay down again, feeling his life force bleeding away and welcoming the darkness that descended on him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~THE END~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~