Date: Mon, 9 Aug 1999 11:56:47 EDT
From: NeilsANerd@aol.com
Subject: The Real Kevin (Part II)

DISCLAIMER: Not for people under the age of 18 years.  Includes homoerotic
material that may be unsuitable for some readers.  This is a fictional
story (how I hate to say it) involving celebrities.  This story is in no
way meant to imply or suggest the sexual orientation of anyone involved.


--------------
The Real Kevin
--------------
by Neil
e-mail me at NeilsANerd@aol.com

Part II
-------

     "So, I'm off to my recital.  Just make yourselves at home.  And I'll
see you guys later!"  I said hurridly as I made my way to the front door.
     "Bye!" all the Boys said in unison.
     I hopped in my car and made a speedy exit.  I only had 20 minutes
until the actual recital started.  'I can't believe forgot!' I thought to
myself.

     "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!?"  Mrs.Howards, my dance teacher.  "We've
almost finished practice.  You better hurry up and warm up."
     "I'm sorry.  My parents left for the weekend, and I have to run the
house.  I got some business, so I lost track of time."
     "Well, whatever, just hurry up and get dressed.  We have to review the
music selections to make sure they're right."
     Music selections.  I almost invited the Backstreet Boys to this
recital.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

     Finally, the recital started.  First, four of our ballet dancers
danced to "Show Me The Meaning."  Then I came in with five others when "I
Want It That Way," "Larger Than Life," and finally "It's Gotta Be You"
played.  Things were going great.  Not one mistake despite my unordinarily
late entrance.  At the end of the last song, we had to slowly gesture and
point out towards the back of the room when the last line "It's only you"
played.  That's when I noticed two people sitting in the back.  They were
dressed like they didn't want to be noticed, and I saw immediately who they
were: AJ and Nick.  Nick pointed towards the front left part of the
audience, so I looked and saw the other three sitting there.  Brian had the
biggest grin on his face.  Kevin and Howie were politely clapping with the
rest of the audience.  I felt my face turn a thousand shades of red as the
room suddenly got so much hotter.

     "Wow, you were good!"  Nick exclamed.  They had waited for me after
the show.
     "Shut up.  Not one word out of any of you.  Not ONE word."  I wasn't
really angry, just very embarrassed.
     AJ defied me.  "Oh now, come on.  Those were some good moves."
     "I'm going to stop at Andy's house on my way home.  You guys just go
ahead to the house, I'll see you there."  And I took off.
     "You don't think he's mad, do you?"  Howie asks.
     Kevin answered, "I hope not.  I don't think we should say anything
about this when he gets to the house."
     Everyone nodded.

     "They went!  You must really feel like a complete loser!"  Andy never
succeeded in cheering me up.
     "Yes, they went.  I can't believe it.  Ugh, I can't go home.  I'm just
going to live in your basement until I die."
     "Oh, now come on.  Remember, *Kevin* is at _your_ house."  What was
that I said about his never cheering me up?
     "You're right.  I just gotta face it, and them.  Bye."

     The Boys' rental van wasn't there when I got home.
     "Hey there!"  Brian greeted me near the front door.
     "Hi.  Where are everybody else?"
     "Well, AJ and Howie went looking around or shopping or something.  I'm
about to meet Nick in the game room to kick his butt at pool.  And I have
no idea where Kevin is.  He might be in his room."
     "Ok, thanks."  'YES!  I can go talk to him one-on-one now' I thought.
     <<knock>><<knock>>
     "Who is it?" Kevin asked in his soothing voice.
     "It's Neil."
     "Oh, come on in."  He opened the door as he said it.
     "Hey, Kevin, I just wanted to see what you were up to.  Everyone else
seems to have gone their seperate ways."  Then I noticed his eyes were
really red.  I saw tissues in the wastebasket.  "Is something wrong?"
     "Well, I guess I can't hide it.  But it's really nothing that you'd
understand."
     "Try me.  I'm a Psychology major."  This got a chuckle out of him.
     "I'm just...alone.  AJ and Howie.  Nick and Brian.  Then just me, by
myself.  That's it."  At first I thought he actually meant that they were
couples, then I realized what he really meant.
     "Oh, I see.  You feel like you're all alone, the fifth wheel, don't
you?"
     "That's right.  It's like they go off and do their things, then I'm
left alone and have to fend for myself."  More tears.  I got him another
tissue.
     "Well, let me tell you about high school for me.  I was torn.  I had a
group of friends from elementary school.  But I was smart, so I also had
the smart group of friends.  But I was also trendy, so I had a group of
popular friends.  I ran track, so I had the athlete groups of friends.  I
was a popular person, but I didn't totally fit in with any of them.  I was
alone, too.  But I realized one day that I was happy being there.  The one
down side was that instead of having some friends that I could trust with
my life, I only had a bunch of other friends.  It wasn't until I started
going to college and met Andy and Shannon that I found some true friends.
I was elated.  I could tell them everything.  They're the only two I've
came out to...." Then I realized what I had said.  I thought 'Yikes!  You
idiot!  What the heck were you thinking?'
     Kevin gave me a somewhat startled look.
     "Well, anyway," I continued "the point is that you have those real
friends in the group members.  I think you feel like the only things
holding you in the groups is being Brian's cousin and happening to know all
the words."
     "Actually, I kinda do feel like that.  It's just weird, being in the
back all the time.  I feel like I'm holding back because I'm afraid of what
might happen."
     "Holding back?  What, your voice, your real feelings about this all?"
     "Everything.  I mean, I feel like I could do more, vocally, for the
group, but I hold back.  And I keep to myself a lot of feelings.  I
couldn't tell the guys...."  He really started to cry now.  I put my arm
around him.  It was then that I stopped seeing him as a Backstreet Boy and
saw him as a person.
     "It'll be alright.  What can't you tell the guys?  You can tell me, if
you really want to get it off your chest."  I gave his shoulders a slight
squeeze.
     "....Well.....I can't......I'm.....I'm......I'm gay too."  He broke
down.  He turned and laid on the bed, face down.  He was sobbing so bad,
but the blankets muffled the sound.  I didn't know what to think.  This was
a dream come ture, but it was also very sad.  My fantasy Boy had just
admitted to me that he was gay, but he was so upset about it and about what
it might do to the others.
     "Do you want me to leave and give you some time?"
     He sniffled, then looked at me.  "No, you don't have to go.  I'll be
::sniff:: fine now.  Thanks for the talk."
     "Whatever you need."  I put my hand on his back and started patting
him.
     "Do you think I should tell the others?"  He asks.
     "I think you already know what you want to hear."
     "Yeah, I do.  I guess I just have to decide when."
     "Well, I'm going to get a shower now.  All that dancing really got me
sweating."
     "Hey" he called as I was going to the door.  "You weren't mad that we
were there?"
     "No, I was just really embarrassed.  And terrible, which made it
worse."  Again, he chuckled.

     I don't know how long I was just staring while I was in the shower.
What should I do?  What the heck is happening here?  What will happen to
the group when he tells them?  Should he tell them?  Eventually, I just
turned the water off, dried off, and got dressed.  As I walked into my
room, I saw Nick and AJ.  "Now may I ask what you're doing in my room?"
     "Just going through your CD's.  You have some cool stuff here." Nick
answered.
     "Thanks.  So, AJ, what did you buy?"
     "Just a shirt and a hat.  We didn't shop for long.  Howie and I just
mainly talked."
     "Oh, well, if you guys don't mind, it's getting a bit late, and I'm
really tired."
     Nick says, "Oh sure man, sorry.  Hey, can I borrow this CD for
tonight?"
     "Sure.  Good night, fellas."
     "See you in the morning.  Good night."  AJ said.
     I laid down, and I must have immediately went to sleep.  The next
thing I knew, I felt a hand shaking me.  I looked up and saw a figure that
I couldn't make out.  "What time is it?  And who are you?"
     "It's almost one.  And it's Kevin."
     I sat up.  I reached for the light, but his hand grabbed mine.  "No,
we might wake someone up" he said.
     "Alright.  What do you want?"  I was still very groggy, and had
forgotten about our talk earlier.
     "Can we talk some more?  You know, about my situation?"
     "Situation?  Wha....oh, yeah, now I remember.  Sure, you need to talk.
I'm here to listen."
     "Well, I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing by telling the guys.
I don't know what they'll do.  I know Brian will support me; he always has.
My main concern is Nick.  Even though we've known each other for years, I
still can't seem to...read him.  You know what I mean?"
     "Yeah, I know.  What about Howie and AJ?"
     "I don't think there'll be a problem, but I don't know.  I thought
about telling them all tomorrow, well actually that would be today."  I
smiled.  I could see him smile too, since my eyes had finally adjusted to
the light.
     "If you think that's a good idea, then I say go for it.  Holding that
particular secret in is very hard.  I hated it."
     "Well, if things don't go well, at least I know you'll be here for me.
That's why I chose today."
     "You're right.  I will be here for you."  I pu my hand on his shoulder
again.
     "I like it when you do that."  Kevin then wrapped his arms around me
and hugged me.  "Thank you."  I was in heaven.  And I actually started to
tear up.
     "You're very welcome.  Do you want me there when you tell them?"
     We broke the hug, and he spoke.  "No, I think I'd better....Hey,
what's wrong?  Why are you crying?"
     "Just talking about this with someone else who has had the same
feelings as me.  It's something new to me, and it's just overwhelming."
     He put his hand on the side of my face and wiped my eyes with his
thumb.  I hadn't been making eye contact with him, but now I did.  He was
looking right into my eyes, and he put his other hand on my face.  He held
me there, and he kissed me.  It was the best feeling in the world.  It was
just a little kiss before he drew back.  "I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have."
He took his hands off my face and looked away from me.
     "Kevin, look at me.  Look at me."  He didn't, so I grabbed his head,
and made a more...forceful move.  I pulled his head towards me and kissed
him back.  This one wasn't going to be a short one.  He eased up and
started to kiss me as well.  It was deep and passionate.  We just stayed
like that for 15 inutes, holding and kissing.  Then we heard loud music
that startled us.
     "Nick!  He always does this!"  Kevin got up and angrily walked out the
door.  I hear some muffled words, then the music died down.  Kevin came
back to my room and said, "I think I'm going to go back to my room to
think.  Thanks again for understanding."
     I just nodded as he shut the door.  How did he expect me to sleep
after that?

     In the morning, I got up and started a pot of coffee.  I sat down with
a bowl of cereal and a glass of orange juice.  Then Kevin walked into the
dining area.  "Good morning" he said.
     "Good morning.  Did you sleep well?"  I was making polite
conversation, as Howie had also gotten up.
     "Uuuuhhh....need...coffee...."  Howie joked and sloshed his way to the
coffee maker.  He poured a cup for him and a cup for Kevin.
     "So, I guess you guys have a busy day ahead of you."
     Kevin answered, "Yeah, we have rehearsal in a couple of hours, then we
have 3 hours off, then another rehearsal before the show.  Are you coming
to the show?"
     "I wish I could, but I couldn't get tickets."
     "I think we can take care of that" Brian said as he walked into the
room.
     "Wow, thanks!  I hate to impose, but would it be possible to invite
Shannon and Andy too?"
     "Well, I guess..." Brian joked.  "I didn't sleep well.  I don't know
why.  I guess I'll sleep on our offtime."
     "That reminds me.  Neil, would you take me sight-seeing when we have
time off today?" Kevin asked.  He was looking right into my eyes in a way
that suggested we wouldn't be seeing many sights.
     "Sure, I'd be happy to."  I raised an eyebrow when I said 'happy.'
Howie and Brian didn't notice.
     "Ok, what am I missing?  What are you talking about?"  Nick asked.
     "Oh, just what our plans are on our offtime."
     Nick replied, "well, I'm sleeping.  I couldn't catch a wink all
night."
     "So you decided to keep everyone else up too?"  Kevin glared at Nick.
     "Geez, man, I'm sorry.  I didn't realize it was so loud."
     AJ came into the room already showered and dressed.  "Nick, I could've
killed you last night."
     "Yeah, well, that's the way we feel about you right now, AJ" Brian
said.
     "Hey, I'm a morning person.  What do we have to eat?"

     The Backstreet Boys spent the rest of the morning getting ready,
making phone calls, and working on their voices.  I just stayed around to
watch them, and I caught Kevin looking at me several times.  Every time I
saw him, he just smiled at me.  This was going to be a good day.


To Be Continued....