Date: Fri, 12 Jan 2001 00:49:58 -0500
From: Sprout <sprout_0813@hotmail.com>
Subject: This-Gift-8

	Again I know it took me a while to get this out. I'm sorry. First
my computer crashed completely and I had to wipe it clean and start anew,
then I realised that I had lost my MS Word CD, and so I had to re-purchase
that, and with work and all, I've been kept busy. You gotta believe that I
truly and really wanted to get two instalments out for the holidays, but it
just wasn't meant to be or it would've happened. So, hopefully the wait
wasn't too painful, hopefully this instalment isn't a disappointment, and
hopefully the next one will be out sooner.

	I gotta say *THANK YOU* to MH, cause if it weren't for him, you
wouldn't be reading this story in a legible format. I owe him a lot, and I
can never express all my gratitude towards him. You're the bestest! (And
you know I mean it!)

	I gotta give mention to a story Kevin & Justin, written by Pete. I
fell upon it by having the same editor (go figure), and can't get enough of
it. C'mon Boo, when's the next chapter coming out?

	I just wanted to thank Kamadu and Ice for helping me figure out how
to word a sentence that was really bothering me. Your help was appreciated,
and I just want to let you know that.

	A quick mention on other 98 Degrees stories, if y'all haven't yet,
y'all should check out the following stories: 98 Degrees The Hardest Thing,
Una Noche, Give Me Just One Night, A Taste of Heaven, Love At 98 Degrees,
and last but not least, 98 Degrees Brotherly Love

	I want to thank all of y'all who got off your LAZY ASSES, dished
out some cash and bought the new 98 Degrees album REVELATION. It's truly a
remarkable display of their talent, and well worth the price. (And you
CHEAP ASSES takin' from Napster, get out there and support my men, BUY IT!)

	Sad to say, yes it's true Drew married. He's finally tied the knot
with his high school sweetheart Lea. Though it shatters my dreams of him
being gay, I know (in my dreams) that he's at least bi. I wish them both
the best of luck, and hope their relationship remains strong through the
trials and tribulations that will be set forth. CONGRATS DREW! (Yeah, like
he's even reading this.)

	You know the rules... don't read if you ain't allowed, this is
fake, my fantasies... yeah, there. There's somewhat of a sexual scene in
this one, a feeble attempt anyhow. Let me know how I did, cause I know it
didn't turn me on in the slightest. :)

Enjoy and write me: bigdaddycool_0813@hotmail.com

Drew

***********************THIS GIFT - Last
Time*********************************

	I peeled down the parkway, paying no heed to the speed limit or any
other signs for that matter. I was there physically, but mentally I was
somewhere else. As I came upon an intersection, I failed to notice the
light was red. Hearing a car's horn followed by a screeching, I turned my
head to the sound. 'What the...' BLACKNESS.

***********************THIS GIFT - Chapter
8*********************************

	Slowly, my eyes fluttered open. They must've been closed for a
while - I could see spots before my eyes once they opened. I looked around,
trying to take in the foreign surroundings. 'Where am I?' Suddenly as I
tried to raise myself an extreme pain coursed through my entire body,
starting from my head.

	"Son of a bitch!" I exclaimed.

	Deciding to raise myself a little slower, I had managed to
successfully sit up with only minimal pain. Looking around I realised I was
in a hospital - where else would there exist such a retched smell? Looking
down at my body, I noticed I was sporting a cheap hospital gown and also
had tubes in my arm.

	Seeing the needles made me nauseous. I was always queasy when it
came to medical stuff. Any biological dysfunction was enough to make me
weak in the knees and get the sudden urge to show the lunch I had eaten
hours ago. Fighting the dizziness that plagued my head, I examined my
surroundings. I was alone.

	'Why was I so stupid? Why did I try and repeat what Maria had done?
Surely she must be looking upon me with such disappointment.' The thought
of even remotely letting Maria down was enough to start tears in my eyes. I
had let her down before, and that's what caused her death. I couldn't let
her down now - it would just prove I hadn't changed a bit.

	Suddenly a doctor walked into the room. "Hey, it's time to check up
on you. Nice to see you're finally awake."

	"It's nice to be awake, aside from the pain in my head." I replied
still a little dazed.

	"I'll give you something to help cope. But for the time being,
everything else alright?"

	"Yeah, pretty much. How long have I been here doctor..." I trailed
off allowing the doctor to fill me in on his name.

	"Michaels, Dr. Michaels." He said, offering me his hand. I shook
his hand as he proceeding in detailing our brief history together. "You've
been here three days, after being admitted due to an automobile
accident. You came in pretty badly, but nothing that couldn't be fixed." A
smile shone through the haziness of the hospital, shattering all thoughts
of death possible. "Have I had any visitors?" I asked, hoping for some and
not wanting others.

	"Yeah, you've had quite a few, actually. A couple of your
co-workers came by - they gave you that lovely display of flowers." He said
pointing to a truly breath-taking arrangement sitting on the table in the
corner. "Your mother comes by every day for hours. She just left not that
long ago to shower and change, just to come back. Some friends have popped
in too, old school friends I'm guessing."

	"That's it?" I asked, hopeful yet disappointed.

	"Will ya let me finish?" He laughed. I was grateful he was easy
going as well as professional; it was a quality I respected greatly within
these walls.  "And, we mustn't forget that you have had quite an impact on
a couple of celebrated figures. I'm not that good with names, but I recall
one Lance something-or-other, and four of his friends... JZ or something
like that was one of them... like I said I'm terrible with names."
Dr. Michaels said waving his hand around to emphasise his point.

	"Oh, they came?" I smiled brightly. True friends. I had true
friends who'd take time out of their busy schedules to come and check on
me. I realised that I was monopolizing a lot of their time lately though
and would have to remember to get their asses back in the studios once I
was out.

	"Yeah, they came, and then I can't forget this one, Nick. He's
really shaken up about your situation. It's as if he blames himself for
it. And then there was this girl, I don't remember her name. And another, I
only remember this one because he shares your name. He doesn't say
much... he's kinda just out of it."

	My face fell. "Where are they now?"

	"Who?"

	"Nick and Drew?"

	"Probably the cafeteria. It *is* 6:00 you know, time for
dinner. Which reminds me... since you're awake, you think you can handle
eating something light?" It was obvious he didn't want me on the
intravenous longer than I absolutely need to be.

	"Sure... I can try. So Doc, how come you remember all these
people?" My curiosity peaked through.

	"Well, you're an unusual patient, pretty unique among the
dead-beats I usually get. Y'see, you're actually my first traumatic
patient. I normally deal with walk-ins with colds and cuts - nothing as
serious as an accident before. I guess I just involved myself more with
you." He said while shrugging.

	"You're doing a great job. I would never have guessed I was your
first."  He had begun examining the top of my head, removing some kind of
bandage that had been applied. I noticed him gain a serious aura as soon as
he began his 'work'. Checking some other areas on my body and writing notes
down in my file, he oozed out a smile filled with healing. "You're gonna be
fine, just rest easy.  I'm sure someone will be in to see you soon... get
some rest."

	With his departure came darkness as he shut the lights off on his
way out.  I was somewhat content that he had, since I was extremely tired,
but since I had just woken up, I had no intention of going back to
sleep. Unfortunately, my body betrayed my mind, and it wasn't long before I
drifted to a state of unconsciousness.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I awoke again, yet this time I wasn't alone - I could hear
voices. I decided not to open my eyes just yet, they were in the middle of
a conversation and I had wanted to hear it.

	"Drew, whether or not he's awake tomorrow, we *have* to go."

	"I can't." Drew's voice was laced with emotion.

	"Look, Drew I know how you feel, really I do. I just... well... we
can't stay here for much longer. You know just as well as I how much
management already doesn't like the situation. If we push it, they'll drop
us." Nick struggled to find a nice way to say it.

	"NICK! I said I wasn't leaving him! Got it? Look what I've
done... I can't leave him now. I can't leave him again." Drew sobbed out.

There was no reply, just silence. It wasn't like Nick to submit to others,
he was a fighter. 'Nick must really want to make things right.' I thought,
'But can it ever be the way it was before?'

	I opened my eyes. There, in front of me the two brothers
stood. Seeing Nick made me happy, extremely happy. Seeing Drew was a
different story; it was as if he were a murderer, killing my happiness. My
facial expression turned icy.  "What are you doing here?"

	Drew turned to look at me, a look of pure shock on his face. His
mouth was slightly agape, his brows furrowed with confusion. Opening his
mouth to speak, no words came forth.

	"Well... what are you doing here?" I repeated with a more urgent
tone.

	"I... I... I'm your boyfriend?" His reply more of a question than a
statement.

	"Oh, are you?"

	"Y-y-yeah." His stuttering showed me he was upset - it's the only
time he did it. "Aren't I?"

	"Drew... I wish I knew the answer to that. For the time being, I
can't say one way or another."

	Tears began pouring out of his eyes. It killed me to see him hurt,
though the state of pain I was currently in - both emotional and physical
– severely dampened the compassion that I could possibly feel for the
guy.

	"Drew, you're my boyfriend, right?" I queried.

	"Yeah," he still held his ground, earning him some kind of brownie
points.  And at this point he needed all the points he could get.

	"Then why did you get married without telling me?"

	"I had no choice; management set it all up. I wanted to tell you,
but not over the phone. What kind of boyfriend would I be then?" He took a
seat at the foot of the bed, playing with the sheets.

	"What kind of boyfriend are you now?" It surprised me how cold I
sounded, even scared me a little. "You wanna know what kind of boyfriend
you are? You're the kind of boyfriend who left me in the dark about one of
the most important parts of your life..."

	"I'm gay!" He exclaimed. "My marriage with Lea means nothing."

	"Oh, what would management say if they heard that?" Slipping a
little sarcasm into my voice.

	"I don't give a shit what management would say. Andrew, don't you
get that?"

	"You're the kind of boyfriend who, once I had already forgiven you
for the whole fucking thing, needs to make things worse by kissing your
so-called wife in public even though she means nothing?!"

	"I had to make a public appearance as a couple..."

	"Drew, open your fucking eyes! If anyone thinks anyone is gay in
your fucking group, it'd be Justin! No offence to him. You needn't try to
prove your straightness. Are you that fucking naïve?" I exploded on him
and damn did it feel good! I didn't have a care in the world; I just wanted
to get my point across.

	"I... I'm just... I'm sorry." Drew stammered before jumping up off
the bed and running out of the room.

	Nick, who had been watching the whole thing from the sidelines,
finally made himself known. "D, that was just harsh. He was trying to
apologise and you just turned him away. He's your boyfriend, you're
supposed to kiss and make up."

	"Nick, he *was* my boyfriend, but I don't know what he is
anymore. He's not the man that I once knew." Tears began to fall down my
cheeks, one at a time.

"He's the same old Drew... nothing's changed D. Nothing ever changes at a
single stroke. You of all people should know that."

	"I'm sick of this shit, nobody's ever on my side!" With all my fury
I jumped off the opposite side of the bed that Nick was on, pulled the
tubes and instruments out of my arms and despite the pain, dashed for the
door with Nick in pursuit.

	"STOP! D GET BACK HERE!" Nick screamed after me. The adrenaline
rush surging through my body allowed me to run quite fast with minimal
pain. Just before me was an elevator already in the process of
closing. Sliding through the doors in the nick of time, I was able to
escape Nick's chase.

	Figuring that Nick would probably head to the lobby to try and stop
me, I got off two floors below the floor my room had been on. Taking the
stairs, I found a side exit. 'Man, déja vu or what?' I asked myself
remembering I had done the same thing not that long ago.

	Thankfully, this time as I stepped out, it wasn't raining. It was a
beautiful evening, though dressed in only a hospital gown, my nipples soon
erected indicating my coldness.

	I stood at the curb and hailed down a cab. As I opened the door and
took a seat inside the cab, the cabby began to laugh. "The typical fleeing
from the hospital scene," he managed to get out between laughs in his
Pakistani accent, "jumping in a taxi in just a hospital gown." Apparently
it was incredibly hilarious as he couldn't believe that it was actually
occurring.

	"Can you please just drive?" After giving the cabby - who's name
happened to be Punjab - my address, we were soon off. The ride was a quick
one, I didn't live that far from the hospital, and thankfully Punjab had
taken the quickest route home.

	As we arrived in my driveway, I looked at the fare metre. "Give me
a second, let me go get the money from my house." I obviously wasn't
carrying any money with me.

	"No, no kind sir. You have given me such pleasure in making me
laugh, this ride is free." I couldn't help but think of Apu from The
Simpsons as I listened to him. His gesture was the first real act of
kindness I had received in a while and reduced me to tears.

	"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!" I exclaimed.

	"No problem, thank you, come again!" With that, he was off, and I
ran up to my front door. Realising I had no keys to open the door with, I
trekked to the backyard. Walking up onto the porch, I lifted a board and
pulled out a spare set of keys.

	Unlocking the door, I walked in and headed straight for the
shower. I felt incredibly dirty; sponge baths just didn't work as well as a
shower. My shower was amazing, I've never felt so refreshed. Emerging clean
as a whistle, it was like a new beginning.

	With a towel wrapped around my waist, I opened the door to the
bathroom and stopped dead in my tracks. Before me, looking straight back at
me, was Drew. He looked like complete shit: tear streaks down his cheeks,
eyes puffy and red, face wrinkled from stress. Right then it became clear
to me how much I was killing him, I just couldn't fess up to it.

	"What are you doing here?" The words were out of my mouth before I
could stop them - my voice cold and devoid of emotion.

	I was greeted with silence; he didn't even acknowledge the fact
that I spoke to him. Instead, he continued to stand there looking at me,
looking in my eyes; the windows to my soul. Where there was no possible way
for me to lie; they spoke the truth to Drew even though I willed them not
to. There was no doubt in my mind he found the answer to his silent
question: I loved him.

	Neither of us moved, instead we continued our soul searching,
desperately trying to figure out the answers to the things we didn't have
the courage to ask. Silence is golden they say; at moments like these I
could attest to that.

	Finally breaking his stare, I looked to the floor, no longer able
to look into his hazel eyes sparkling from his unshed tears. Closing my
eyes, I imagined his face before me, the face I've come to love. 'Where did
things go wrong? Why am I losing you?' I thought as if Drew could hear me.

	Then, from what seemed like nowhere, came a voice so angelic I
couldn't dare interrupt.

	"Love, I see forever in your eyes
	I can see heaven in your smile
	And when I hold you close
	I don't want to let go
	Because deep in my soul I know boy
	You are the only light I see
	Your love means everything to me
	I promise that we'll never part
	'Cause you'll always be in my heart"

	It took me a moment before I actually realised what was
happening. Drew closed the distance between us, pulling my chin up with his
right hand so he could peer into my eyes once again.

	"If the sun should refuse to rise
	And the moon, doesn't shine in the night
	The tides won't change, seasons rearrange
	When the world is through
	I will still love you"

	Tears had formed in my eyes, and were trickling ever so slowly down
my cheeks. Still, I didn't dare say a word. This was Drew's moment and
nothing, and I mean *nothing* would take it away from him. He continued:

	"Boy you're like an angel from above
	Sent here to shower me with your love
	Hold me beneath your wings
	Tell me all of the things
	All the hopes and the dreams we can share
	'Cause I'll be your shelter from the storm
	I'll be the fire that keeps you warm
	I'll be the light in your dark
	'Cause you'll always be in my heart"

	He proceeded to sing the chorus, wiping my tears with his thumbs as
he himself cried. How he could sing and cry at the same time was beyond
me. I just couldn't believe what was happening; it was a sensory overload.

	"If anything could last forever
	It's what I feel for you
	Oh baby, you touch my heart in ways
	That words could never say
	That's why I'll always love you"

	It was the most sentimental moment in my life and I couldn't be
happier that I was spending it with him. Drew had never told me he loved
me. Well, he had once, that time Lance was revealing his feelings for me. I
had called Drew to explain I'd be a while, and ended by saying I loved
him. He said it back, after hesitating a bit.

	That's why this was such an incredible experience. Drew was telling
me he loved me, and not just that he loved me, but he'd love me forever. It
all seemed too good to be true. "You're being serious here, right?"

	He chuckled, "Yes, I love you Andrew. I have now for a while, and I
plan to do it for the rest of my breathing life, and then some. I can't
tell you how much you mean to me, words don't do justice. I just know that
without you I..."

	I placed my index finger over his mouth to silence him. I couldn't
hear any more of his words; I was in ecstasy. Replacing my finger with my
lips, we engaged in the most passionate kiss either of us had ever
experienced.

	Though the kiss lasted only a minute, it seemed like an eternity;
and would be burned into my memory for the rest of my life. As we parted,
we stared into each other once more. The love was so obvious, why hadn't I
seen it before?

	"I love you, Drew. More than you'll ever know." I placed a quick
kiss on his lips once more before feeling a chill run down my back. "Brrr,
it's cold.  Lemme get dressed, k?"

	He sat down on the bed while I got dressed. I felt like a new man,
refreshed, rejuvenated, and reborn. It was a new beginning, for me, for
Drew and for our relationship. Once dressed, I grabbed Drew by the arm and
lead him downstairs where I presumed the others were.

	Reaching the bottom of the staircase revealed what I had thought:
the sounds of people talking and dishes clanking emanated from the
kitchen. An ever-so-subtle odour of Chinese food hung in the air. "JC's
here," I whispered to Drew, eliciting a smile from him.

	"I know," Drew said, "Let's go eat, and you can talk to the love
birds while we're at it."

	Nick had chosen that moment to walk out of the kitchen, swiftly
pulling me into an embrace. "What the *fuck* is wrong with you? Do you have
any idea how fucking worried I was!"

	"Nick... I'm fine. Look at me! I'm fine." I tried to reassure
him. It wasn't working.

	"You have to go back," he stated firmly.

	I shook my head. "No. I'm fine." I wasn't going to budge on my
decision.  However after Drew also showed genuine concern, I submitted to
their pleas, offering to get an appointment with a doctor from the hospital
as soon as possible.

	"Alright... but you *have* to go and *I'm* going to make the
appointment."  Nick finished the argument. I nodded in agreement. "Now
let's eat," and he left us standing there as he went back to the kitchen.

	Walking forth, arm in arm, we made our way to the kitchen. As I
thought, our appearance caused a standstill. An eerie silence filled the
room as heads turned and eyes goggled in our direction. I loved being the
centre of attention, but this was surreal. The eyes bore into me - I've
never felt so uncomfortable in a room full of my friends before.

I did my best to cut the tension, "What, do I have something coming out of
my nose?"

"Actually," Joey spoke up, "yeah, you got a big booger hangin' out of your
left nostril."

	I furrowed my brows, raising my right hand towards my nose and
rubbed it with the back of my hand. To my surprise, and horror, Joey had
been right. My face turned beet red. I was so embarrassed.

	 "Why didn't you tell me?" I slapped Drew playfully in the arm.

	"I couldn't... the look on your face was too priceless." He managed
to get out between laughs.

	At least the tension was lifted. It was a great sight, the guys
from 98 Degrees and the guys from *N SYNC all in the same room. JC and
Lance were leaning against the counter, side by side each feeding one
another. Justin Timberlake sat with Jeff at the table, scarfin' down some
chicken balls. Nick was discussing something with Justin Jeffre and Joey,
and Chris was in the corner talking with Lea.

	As my eyes came upon Lea, my smile faltered. I dropped from Drew's
embrace, and walked over to JC. Grabbing my left cheek, JC pulled me closer
to his face, and kissed me on my right cheek. "Glad to see you're alright,"
he whispered.

	I just smiled, my moment of happiness killed by the sight of my
boyfriend's wife. 'Why did you have to get married?' I thought, glancing at
Drew who remained standing where I had moments ago. He took notice of my
gloomy countenance, and walked towards me in an attempt to comfort me. As
he neared, I backed away. It was wrong. I knew he loved me, but the fact
remained that he was married, more importantly - married to someone other
than me.

	His face contorted, as confusion settled over him. As I glanced
over in the direction of Lea, he pieced things together. "It's *you* I
love," he said to me quiet enough for only Lance, JC, and I to hear.

	"It's *her* you married." I replied flatly.

	"D, come on, you're not being fair." I could see the pained
expression on his face - I just couldn't bring myself to comfort him.

	"And that was?" His face fell completely. I couldn't believe how
harsh I was being. He just declared his never-ending love for me, and here
I was crushing his heart.

	"I see..." he trailed off, heading over towards his wife. As I
watched his every movement, all sound drained from the room; it was as if I
was watching a soap opera with the TV on mute.

	He walked over to her and embraced her in a hug. She hugged him
back, then pushed him away to look in his eye. I saw her mouth the words
'What's wrong' and Drew shake his head as if to say it was nothing. But his
facial features belied his silent reply. She pulled him in for another hug,
this one much tighter than the first, rubbing her hands on his back as an
attempt to ease his pain.

	I turned my gaze to the floor, JC rubbing his hand up and down my
back. I knew he was probably whispering reassurances in my ear, though
since I had blocked all sound out, I couldn't be sure.

	Suddenly, Drew leapt up with a bound. "You know what, I can't take
this shit anymore!" Drew yelled, allowing for silence to resettle in the
room as heads pivoted in his direction.

	"What shit?" I was completely thrown for a loop. I had no idea what
he was talking about.

	"This shit! I'm sorry I got married! I thought you, of all people,
would know that I'd've done anything to have you in Lea's place that day -
had we been ready to marry each other."

	"But you didn't marry me, you married *her*!"

	"Why the fuck are you always like this, D? Always thinking of how
hurt *you* are? Can't you see how much you're tearing me up inside? Can't
you see how much you're fucking killing me? What do I have to do to make it
up to you?"

	Once again, silence. No one uttered a single sound. They all stared
at Drew, his chest heaving up and down after his outburst. I allowed his
words to penetrate my brain, and after a moment of thought, broke the
silence.

	"Just show me how you feel."

	"I am! I try so hard, but you *never* make it easy for me!" He got
up and began to leave the room, "Goodnight."

	The rest of the night went by without much discussion. We ate,
watched movies and headed to bed. I walked into my room and found Drew
asleep in my, or rather, our bed. I wanted nothing more than to be asleep
in his arms. It was something I yearned for, something I needed.

	Stripping off my clothes, I slipped into bed beside him, trying to
snuggle as close as possible to him. Without waking, he instinctively
turned over and put his arm around me. I couldn't help but smile, after
everything we had been through, he still managed to put our grudges aside,
and love me still.

	My last thoughts before dozing off were of Drew singing 'Still' to
me, in his angelic voice as his loving eyes peered into my soul.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I awoke in the middle of the night to sounds from downstairs.
Thinking it was a thief, I decided I should check things out. Reluctantly,
I untangled myself from Drew's embrace and inched my way ever so quietly
down the stairs. I didn't want to alert my visitor that I'd be coming, now
would I?

	Concluding that the sounds were coming from the kitchen, I quietly
made my way on over. Peering around the corner, I saw the open refrigerator
casting the kitchen in a dull light. With further examination, I realised
that my 'thief' was none other than Lea. 'Great, just great,' I though with
a sigh, 'well, I guess I should get to know her...'

	Without another thought, I entered the kitchen being sure to make
my presence, trying not to frighten her. "Hey," I said, my voice still not
awake.  She jumped, "Sorry." I supplied softly.


	"Hi," she said, unsure of herself.

	"Whatcha doin' up so late for?" I asked while turning on the
kettle. I was cold after leaving Drew's side, and was hoping that some hot
chocolate would warm me up.

	"I can't sleep," she answered honestly.

	"A lot on your mind?"

	"Yeah..." she trailed off, giving me the impression that I was the
problem.

	I sighed, "It's me, isn't it?"

	Silence befell the room. It was somewhat eerie. Then, she
sighed. It was obvious the tension was thick. Encased in one room was the
wife of the man I loved, and the boyfriend of the man she loved. How
ironic. It must've been hard for her, but it was as equally difficult for
me.

	"Yes." It was short and sweet. "And no," she finished.

	"How so?" I asked, my brows furrowed with confusion.

	"Look, I'm not gonna lie to you. I hate you because you've taken
the man I love away from me... but I love you because you make him
happy. Sure, *I* may be married to him, but it's nothing to him, your
relationship is more sacred than our marriage. I hate you because every
time that I'm with him, he's thinking of you... but I love you because it
brings out the smile that I've come to love so much. I hate you for being
so sweet... but I love you for it at the same time. Why must you create all
these mixed emotions within me?"

	I was completely shocked. After her speech, tears began to pour out
of her eyes. I was flattered that she could like me without even knowing
me, yet disappointed within myself for not even giving her a chance. I got
out of my chair and walked beside her and embraced her.

	Holding Lea tight within my arms, I too began to cry. "Lea, I'm
sorry I never gave you much leeway in this situation. I know it must be
hard for you...  it's killing me inside. I can only imagine how you
feel. Lea... please forgive my selfishness."

	We held each other for a moment longer before pulling apart. Lea
looked me in the eyes, just as Drew had that same night. Peering into my
soul, just as Drew had. Finally, after presumably finding what she was
looking for from within my hazel orbs, "I forgive you."

	Somehow, for some reason her forgiveness meant the world to
me. Never before had it mattered to me what others thought of me, yet here
I was extremely grateful that she had opened her heart to me and I her.

	"So... is he good in bed?" Leave it to Lea to say something like
that. I had to hand it to her, she knew how to cut the tension.

	I chuckled. "Really... I don't know. We haven't
really... um... well...  you know." I stuttered, blushing crimson.

	"You mean you haven't had sex!?" she exclaimed.

	I blushed even further and managed to bashfully reply, "No."

	"Damn boy, what are ya waiting for?" she managed to between fits of
laughter. Her laughing died down and came to a complete stop as she noticed
my serious demeanour, "You... you really love him don't you?"

	With no idea on how to respond, I decided the truth was
best. "Yeah. I do.  I just don't know if he loves me anymore."

	"Andrew, Drew loves you. Maybe you don't see it, but everyone else
can. It tears him up when he's not with you. He's cried every night since
we married because he knew it would hurt you... I can see it in his eyes,
everyone else can see it. Why can't *you* see it?"

	"I honestly don't know. Maybe I don't see it cause I'm looking
*too* hard or something... all I know is that I love him, and it hurt to
hear that he got married to you - a girl - without even telling me. I
understand why he didn't tell me, but still... it hurts. Every time I look
at you, I'm reminded that you're the person he married, and I'm not. I know
it sounds dumb, but marriage is a big thing, a huge thing, and for him to
go off and marry you..."

	"It doesn't sound dumb," Lea began, "it sounds normal. I'd say you
were weird if you weren't bothered by it. It bothers me, and I'm not even
in your position. Look at it through my perspective: I'm married to a man
that's in love with someone else - a man no less. Think of how that makes
me feel. We're all in awkward positions, but if we work through this
together, we can all be happy."

	"I'm willing to work through this if you are," I offered.

	"So am I, now it's time for sleep." We both stood up, Lea coming
over to me, embracing me. "Get some rest, you'll need it. From what I know,
Drew has a big day planned for you tomorrow. Sweet dreams."

	Before I could even ask her what he had planned, she had already
left the room and headed to her sleeping quarters. Suddenly filled with
exhaustion, I began walking to my room so that I could slide in with my
warm and cozy man. As I lay down, Drew wrapped his arms around me pulling
me tighter to his body. God it felt good. 'Damn I love you,' I thought to
myself while kissing his forehead earning a contented sigh.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I awoke as the sun poked through my blinds. Turning my head to the
left a bit, I took in the handsome figure beside me. There he was, the man
of my dreams. I lay there admiring his beauty. No matter what anyone says,
they can't tell me they truly saw how beautiful Drew Lachey was until
they've seen him sleeping. All his innocence was prominent and with nothing
to bother him, his stress wrinkles had disappeared. Life just couldn't seem
more complete for me than it had at that moment.

	I leaned forward and gently kissed his lips. No response. I leaned
in yet again. No response. Deciding that just kissing him was not going to
do a damned thing, I decided a little friskiness was in order. Drew and I
hadn't done anything sexual as of yet, and I wasn't really quite sure what
to do with a guy.  Drew was my first. Every intimate moment I spent with
Drew was like a new lesson for me, and I took in every little thing I
could.

	While Drew had been away doing what he loves best, I had been doing
some research. I wanted to learn how to please my man best, so after
searching around for a while, I came across a 'How To' site for gay
males. I learned quite a bit from this site, and felt that I was ready to
try some of it out - whether or not Drew was as well.

	I began placing kisses down his body, down his chin, over his
Adam's apple, slowly making my way to his dime-sized nipples. 'Damn this
boy's got sexy nipples, why didn't I realise this before?' Sticking out my
tongue, I began to flick it around the little nipple. Liking what I tasted,
I enveloped his nipple with my mouth, encircling my tongue around the nib,
which elicited a gasp.  Looking up I found that Drew's eyes were still
closed, but he now had a huge grin plastered on his face.

	Moving from one nipple to the other received a similar response,
though more of a grunt than a gasp. The sounds coming from Drew made my
cock begin to throb. Feeling brave, I slowly licked my way from his nipples
down over his defined abs, delving my tongue into his navel. Damn! Even his
belly button was incredibly sexy.

	My tongue reached the waistband of his boxers, and with just one
look I could tell Drew was enjoying my first practice session - the tent in
his boxers said it all. Reaching out, I grabbed his rod with a shaky hand -
I was nervous alright, gimme a break. As I latched on, a sense of unity
came over me.  Here I was, holding onto the most private part of Drew's
body, and conscious or not, he wasn't protesting.

	Without enough nerve to actually disrobe Lil Drew, I began to lick
the fabric of his boxers familiarizing myself with his penis before I
actually took him in. Beginning to enjoy myself, I felt that it was time -
time to see Drew in all his glory. Time to unbury my treasure. I wanted
Drew, and I wanted him now.

	Slowly, ever so slowly, I began to lower Drew's boxers. The
miniature forest that was hidden beneath the cotton shield soon became
visible. With every inch I moved his boxers down my cock began to swell to
higher heights. The tip of his cock came into view. 'Circumcised... nice!'
noticing a little droplet of pre-cum leaking out the tip, I couldn't help
but dive forward...

	"What are you doing?" I froze, what was I doing?

	"Um... what does it look like I'm doing, I see some delicious meat
here, I'm hungry, and I'm gonna feed myself."

	Drew chuckled. "Not this chunk of meat," he said while pulling his
boxers up, 'chunk is right,' my mind supplied, "at least not yet anyhow." A
look of disappointment flashed across my face - I really wanted to suck him
this time. I felt the need to show him that I wanted him. As if he could
read my thoughts, Drew said. "You know, you don't need to try and prove
anything. I know you love me, and that's all that matters. We'll do this,"
he said indicating to his little fella, "When the time is right. Now's not
the time... don't worry, you'll get yours.

	I blushed. He had figured me out, that's one of the lovable things
about him, he had figured me out already and I ain't that easy to figure
out. "You know what?"

	"What?"

	"I love you."

	Drew smiled, "And you know what?"

	"What?" Even though I knew where he was going - or thought I did.

	"We gotta get up; we have a big day. Get in the shower, you take
longer than me." Drew began to push me out of the bed, heading towards the
bathroom.  "And I'm kinda hoping on getting out of here before the others
wake up."

	Reluctantly, I walked into the bathroom and began to close the
door.  Before it shut, I opened it back up. "You know, we could take one
together...  save time and water." I suggested.

	Drew stood there, contemplating the idea. Like I've said, we
haven't done anything remotely sexual and the thought of actually seeing
each other naked before just inches away from the other *was*
appealing. "Sure... why not?"

	'Yes, score one for me! Score zero for Drew.' Drew stepped into the
bathroom and I quickly closed the door and locked it so he wouldn't get out
without me having enough time to persuade him otherwise.

	So there we were, in boxers, standing before each other. My heart
was pounding in my chest; I was about to show Drew my body. It wasn't the
greatest body to show off, but it was definitely not the worst
either. Either way, Drew would eventually see me in my birthday suit sooner
or later so it didn't really matter. Slowly, yet surely, I began to lower
my boxers onto the floor and began to adjust the water so that we wouldn't
freeze our asses off once we stepped into the tub.

	Turning to face Drew, I noticed that he must have been staring at
me since my fella had been exposed. Suddenly I became very self
conscious. 'What if he doesn't like it?' I thought. "Whatcha lookin' at?" I
asked aloud.

	"Y-you," he stuttered.

	"Is it really *that* bad?" I couldn't help but wonder.

	"No! No, completely the opposite... you're amazing." I felt the
blush rise to my face - there was absolutely no way to prepare for hearing
that. I was completely taken aback, but hearing him say that produced the
best feeling in the world. I was floating on cloud nine.

	"Um... thanks?" I said; I had no idea how to reply. "So... are we
gonna take that shower, or are you just gonna stand here and stare at me
all day?"

	"I'm thinking I like the second choice better..." he trailed off.

	"Get over here," I said while grabbing him, and then I slid his
boxers down over his hardening cock and dragged him into the shower. The
water cascading over Drew's defined body was breathtaking. Try as I might
to find a comparison, there's just no way to compare such incredible
beauty. One of the reasons I was attracted to Drew was his looks - there
had to be *some* form of physical attraction - and just looking at him
helped me realise that this boy was definitely someone to keep - had I not
known already.

	I grabbed the bar of soap and began to soap Drew down, starting at
the top and working my way down. Rubbing the soap into his shoulders I
couldn't help but lean myself forward, planting a kiss on his lips. 'Damn!'
my mind exclaimed.  This kiss wasn't like a normal kiss Drew and I
shared. This one burned with Passion. His mouth was on fire, and I was more
than happy to go in for more.  Leaning in yet again, our tongues began a
duel in which there'd be no winner.

	Sliding my hands further, I worked the soap down his abs until his
dick was in my hands. Already standing tall, I began to slowly stroke him
eliciting a series of hushed moans. As I worked my hands over his stiff
rod, I subconsciously began to lower myself onto my knees in front of him,
also allowing for the water to rinse the soap off the front of his body.

	Finally on my knees, Drew there before me, I leaned in and licked
his dick for the first time. His penis was hard as steel yet soft as
silk. Completely mesmerized by his cock, I licked up and down the length of
it, stopping to bring his balls into my mouth one at a time. His balls were
bigger than average - I may have only seen a couple of pairs in my
lifetime, but even I knew those were some huge balls - which really
complimented his package well.

	After a minute, I began to work back up the shaft, wanting nothing
more than to have him in my mouth. Incredibly aroused, and feeling like a
dirty slut, I worked him into my mouth. Quickly sliding down his cock, I
began to gag, not being used to having anything close to a penis in my
mouth. Within minutes I began to bob back and forth, working his cock with
a steady rhythm, while Drew grabbed the back of my head and thrust his hips
in sync with my sucking.

	My hands, still roaming his body, came upon his ass. Sliding my
fingers down into the crack, I eventually ended up at the entrance to his
back door.  Slowly and cautiously, I began to ease a finger up inside
Drew. "OH FUCK!" Drew exclaimed as my finger brushed against his
super-sensitive prostate. It paid off to research this thing while he was
gone, I learned about the whole prostate gland thing.

	Adding another finger inside his tight ass made Drew thrust faster,
harder; his balls slapping against my chin with force. The whole situation
was so erotic, and the sounds coming from Drew were making my balls ache
with desire to release.

	Figuring Drew could take yet another finger, I began to gently
insert it into his taut, hot ass. With a couple of forceful thrusts and a
manly groan Drew began to unload his sweet juices in my mouth. He came with
such force that I was unable to swallow it all, causing some to leak down
the side of my mouth.

	As I rose off of my knees, Drew embraced me, "That was incredible,
baby. I love you." Completely out of breath, Drew rested his weight on me,
spent for the moment.

	"I love you too, Drew. With all my heart."

	Quickly cleaning each other up, we exited the shower, dried up, got
dressed and headed out for the big day that Drew had planned for me. We
piled into the back of a taxi, and Drew whispered the destination into the
driver's ear. "Where we going?" I was curious as to why it was so
secretive.

	"It's a surprise. You'll see."

	Inside the taxi, we kept our distance. Drew still had an image to
keep up, and he was married after all. What would the public say if they
saw him holding hands with a guy in the back of a taxi? We weren't going to
take any chances.

	Ten minutes later the taxi came to a stop outside the Ottawa
International Airport. "The airport? What are we doing here?"

	"Oh quiet you, just trust me. Do you trust me?"

	"Yeah, of course." I said without a second thought.

	"Then, put this on... please?" Drew held out a blindfold. I was
about to protest when he started with the puppy dog eyes. 'Damn you! You
know that always works with me!' I thought while I reluctantly grabbed the
blindfold from him and tied it at the back of my head.

	"Happy now?"

	"Extremely!"

	Completely in the dark - literally - I followed Drew's lead as we
walked to wherever he was taking me. "Step right... careful, watch for the
lady, sorry, left... k, wait right here." With that Drew was gone for a
couple of minutes, leaving me standing there by myself. I was about to take
off the blindfold when I heard him, return conversing with someone.

	"Yeah, this is my friend. He just finished having surgery on his
eyes, so he has to be kept blindfolded. So, everything in order Lisa?"

	"Yeah, it seems so. You're free to go." She replied.

	"Thanks, c'mon D." Yet again, I was being dragged around
blindly. After running into four people, tripping up stairs, and walking
into a wall, I finally found myself sitting in a chair.

	"Can I take it off now?" I asked, raising my hands up to reach for
the blindfold.

	"NO!" He exclaimed, throwing my hands down again, "Not yet. Don't
worry, I'll let you know when."

	Sighing with defeat, I sat back in the chair. "So what do I do for
now?"

	"Just sit back and relax for a bit." I had to admit, it did sound
like a good idea. I had been so worked up the past couple of days with the
news of Drew's marriage, their kiss, my accident. Relaxing sounded pretty
good.

	As I sat there beginning to doze off, an announcement came
on. "Madames et messieurs, merci pour avoir choisi l'Air Canada. Notre vol
en route à Charles de Gaulle serait a peut près six heures et nous
arriverons à 14h 30, heure locale.  S'il vous plait, attacher vos
ceintures et j'espère que vous aimiez le vol." My eyebrows furrowed with
confusion, "Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for flying Air Canada. We're
now departing Ottawa arriving in approximatively six hours at Charles de
Gaulle International Aiport at about 2:30 local time. So please, fasten
your seatbelts, and we hope you enjoy your flight."

	Pretty sure I was dreaming, I stayed perfectly still; supposedly
sleeping. It wasn't until I heard the click of my seatbelt that I jolted
awake and ripped the blindfold from my eyes. Drew was sitting beside me, a
grin prominent on his face. Looking around I realised that I was indeed on
an airplane, which apparently was heading to France.

	"Drew?!?" I asked, wanting an explanation.

	"Shh... just relax."

	"Relax? I'm on an airplane. I've never flown, the plane's gonna
explode and you want me to relax!?" my voice was a little higher than it
probably should've been.

	Drew just laughed. "Sweetie, don't worry, everything will be fine."

	A stewardess, upon hearing my little outburst, came forward, "Is
everything alright here sirs?"

	"Yeah, could we just get a blanket?" Drew asked, smiling
double-time at the stewardess.

	"Sure thing." And she was on her way to retrieve the
blanket. Minutes later she returned handing Drew the blanket. "Anything
else?"

	"No thank you." I replied.

Apparently my answer wasn't good enough for her because she repeated
herself, directing more towards Drew. "Will you require anything else?"

	"Um, no, no thanks." Drew placed the blanket over me, certain that
it overlapped the arm rest so that he could hold my hand.

	"She was flirting with you, you know?" I said with a jealous tone.

	"Oh would you stop that? You know I only have eyes for you. Now get
some sleep; the flight won't be so bad if you sleep the whole way."

	I was about to protest, but instead found myself stifling a yawn -
maybe some sleep wasn't such a bad idea. Closing my eyes, I nestled into
Drew's neck.  I figured if I was sleeping it'd look pretty innocent. "I
love you," I whispered into his ear.

	"Ditto."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

	I awoke just as the tires bounced on the runway, the plane taxiing
its way into the terminal. "Wh... why?" I asked, still hazy with confusion
from being asleep.

	"Why what?"

	"Why did you bring me to... Paris? Is that where they said we were
going?"  I began to take the blanket off me, folding it to the best of my
capability.

	Drew chuckled, "Yeah, Paris. Paris, France. And you'll see why
later.  Right now just enjoy the fact that you're out of Canada, in the
country where they speak the language of love."

	"But you don't even speak French?" I pointed out.

	"And you would?"

	"Um, yeah, I would. Canada... hello, English and French are the
official languages." I said with a 'duh' tone.

	"Mmm, maybe I'll have to get you to teach me some day." A smile
spread across his lips as whatever naughty thoughts popped into his head.

	"Maybe."

	Drew stood up and ushered me out into the aisle so we could exit
the plane. We walked down the ramp that led into the terminal and were
greeted by a bunch of French speakers. Having just woke up, I didn't want
to bother with translating anything they had to say, so I just followed
Drew. Obviously he had been here before since he knew where he was going.

	Drew led me out to a taxi of which we climbed in the backseat once
again.  This time, however, Drew grabbed onto my hand tightly, not caring
who saw him. I guessed that since he was away from his home, and without
his fellow band mates that he figured PDA's would be alright. I wasn't
about to argue.

	The taxi brought us, after a while, to a parking lot. Had I not
read the sign at the entrance, I wouldn't have known where we were. "Disney
Land?" I asked hopeful and excited. I had never been to Disneyland, not yet
anyhow, and here I was with the man I loved... I was glad I was going to
share a special moment such as this with the one person who meant the world
to me.

	"Yeah, Disneyland. Your mom told me you have never been..." he
trailed off as if he had let out a secret he wasn't supposed to tell.

	"You talked to my mom?"

	"I had to." I turned from his view to smile, I didn't want him to
know I was actually impressed that he'd go through that much just to make
me happy. It worked - he was feeling guilty already. "Please don't be
mad. D... D, look at me." He reached for my chin with his right hand,
pulling gently so he could look at my face. "You're smiling... you ass, got
me worried here thinking I shouldn't have done that." The smile on my face
was clearly reflected in his.

	"Well, how could I be mad at you when you whisked me away from my
nice comfortable bed, me and dragged me blindfolded onto a plane headed for
France, and then bring me to Disney Land?? How can I be mad?" I pulled him
into a deep embrace, planting a subtle kiss on his neck. "Thank you."

	"No, thank *you*. For not wanting to kick my ass."

	"Who said I wasn't going to kick your ass... there's still
tonight." A smirk peeked at the corners of my lips.

	"Grrrrr, naughty boy! Now let's go!" He dragged my by the hand to
the ticket counter, paid for us and proceeded to drag me around the
park. It was an incredible experience; all the love, happiness, and
innocence radiating from everywhere made for a once-in-a-lifetime
occurrence.

	Drew brought me on every ride possible; we ate everything
possible. It had been dark for a while and everything was going to shut
down in about half an hour. Walking hand-in-hand with Drew we came upon a
carnival game. I stopped - I had a plan.

	Walking up to the counter, I gave the man some francs (luckily, I
had exchanged some money at a booth somewhere) and the man handed over
three darts.  I threw dart number one. Miss. Dart number two. Miss
again. Dart number three, yet another miss.

	Determined to win something, I handed over some more francs in
exchange for more darts. Drew, ever so quick to catch on, grabbed me
tightly, planted his lips on mine as we shared a fiery, passionate
kiss. "Thought that might help."  Drew explained, "If it could work for
Maria, it might work for me."

	Shocked that he had just done that, and completely hypnotized by
the intensity of the kiss, I turned to face the balloons. Dart one, hit!
Dart two, hit! Dart three, hit! "Damn baby, it worked!" I exclaimed,
pulling him to me tightly.

	"Votre choix." The man behind the counter said, pointing out the
top row of the stuffed toys.

	"Les gros?" I asked, wondering if he was serious about choosing
from the big stuffed toys.

	"Bien sur," he said with a smile, "spécialement pour vous."

	I knew what that meant. In reality I wasn't supposed to choose the
big ones, but for some odd reason or other he decided to be generous and
kind and was letting me choose from the top. I was really grateful to say
the least.

	"Hey sexy," I whispered into Drew's ear, "Which one do you want?"

	"You're lettin' me choose?" I couldn't quite understand why, but he
was shocked.

	"Yeah, I won it for you... besides, you played a *major* role in my
win."  I nuzzled against his neck while he checked out the selection.

	"That one, the monkey." He said pointing to a black monkey. Monkeys
just so happened to be my favourite animal.

	"Monsieur, puis-je avoir le singe noir?" I asked, pointing to the
monkey Drew told me he wanted. He pulled it down, passed it to me, and I
handed over the rest of the francs I possessed. He thanked me and we were
on our way, Drew hugging the monkey with one arm, my hand grasping the
other.

	"Drew, thanks for this... I really needed it. You've proved to me
something today." I squeezed his hand as we waited for a taxi.

	"What's that?" he inquired.

	"Just how much I love you."

	"And how much is that?" he smiled, squeezing my hand back.

	"With all my heart and soul." My eyes started to tear up - I was
having one of the most meaningful moments of my life and I was beginning to
feel sentimental about it. Gimme a break, alright?

	"Don't get all sappy on me yet, the night's not over yet." By then
a taxi had pulled up and once again we entered, Drew holding on to his
monkey for dear life.

	The taxi pulled up outside of the Eiffel Tower. Drew paid the
driver and pulled me - along with his monkey - out of the taxi. "The
tower's closed, but I asked for a favour." With that Drew once again led me
by the hand up steps and up the tower. Once we reached the utmost spot,
Drew stopped and pulled me to the edge to look out over Paris.

	"It's beautiful." I said somewhat breathlessly.

	"It's perfect." Drew said, turning to look at me.

	"Yeah, that too." I agreed.

	"No, it's perfect for this..."

	"For what?" I cut him off.

	Drew pulled a box out of his pocket, and knelt on one knee; the
typical proposal position

	'What is he doing? No, please Drew, don't be proposing to me. I
can't... I love you... I don't even know your family yet.' All these
thoughts rushed through my mind as Drew pulled a ring from the box.

Grabbing my right hand he began to slide the ring onto my finger.
"Andrew...

TBC...