Date: Thu, 04 Nov 1999 17:00:07 PST
From: Benj Thall <benj_thall@hotmail.com>
Subject: A Thorned rose, Part 3

Disclaimer: You know the routine and all that. Anyway, I don't wanna go
thru the same thing again but I do wanna thank everybody who wrote in and
said such nice things about the story. Thanks, OK? Um, anymore comments can
be directed to me at Benj_thall@hotmail.com but I have to warn all who
wanna mail that from Nov '99 to Feb 2000, I'll be away from my mail so I
doubt if I can mail you back. Anyway, that means a hold on the stories
until I find another PC. Whatever. See ya.

Chapter 3: Lunch at Allie's

	When I got up the next day, it was already somewhat past eight and
after washing up, I got breakfast ready. Which means that I have to cook
enough to feed a small army. The twins always ate a lot and now, Jer and
Buttons seemed to be catching up. I scrambled some eggs, prepared some
toast, fried some sausages, a bit of bacon, squeezed some orange juice and
poured out milk. The good thing about those type of meals is that it never
takes too long to prepare. By 8:30, breakfast was done, and I got in to
wake everyone up. Jer, I managed to wake rather quickly, ushering him into
his toilet, to wash up before chowing down. The twins, I had no problems
with. Only Buttons. I managed to wake him up but the moment my back was
turned, he was asleep again. He always hated getting up early on
Saturdays. In the end, I threatened to feed his breakfast to the twins -- a
threat which got him up rather quickly.
	By the time Buttons was ready and starting on his meal, the twins
and Jer were already done and still looking hungry. Sighing, I cooked more
until they were finally full. Eventually, I started on my own meal. After
we were finished, I got Chris to help me with washing up, though, he
grumbled about it. When the washing up was done, I decided to start
baking. You see, during the weekends, I always baked a little to earn some
extra cash, selling what I baked to the bakery who always gave me a good
price or to the people in the city. I recalled that I had invited JC and
his friends to lunch but realized that no one had mentioned how many were
coming. Just in case, I decided to cook a little extra. I got the dough
ready for the cheese bread I made while the Buttons and Jer watched
cartoons with Zach popping in to look at times. Chris, meanwhile, tied up
the phone on a conversation with his good friend, Dylan. I wasn't too
worried about people trying to get through on the phone; we had call
waiting so it was OK.
	I was just in the midst baking when Chris yelled, "Allie! Phone for
you!" I was quite mystified. Who would call me? The only people who would
actually call me would be either Aunt Lizzie, checking up on us, or maybe
Danny to just chat. I hurried over to an impatient Chris. "Are you still on
the phone?" He nodded. "OK, hold on, then." I put my ear to the
receiver. "Hello?"
	"Allie? It's JC."
	"JC, hi!" I was surprised how happy I was to hear his voice
again. "How did you get my number?"
	"Ever heard of Information?" he teased.
	I laughed slightly at that and then, caught Chris's impatient
glare. "Oops, uh, is there any reason why you called? I gotta hurry 'cos
Chris is on the other line."
	"Oh, OK. Just confirming that we're coming over -- that is, Justin
and me. Lance is going out with his parents and the other two have
something on. Is that OK?"
	"Yeah, sure. So, two extra. Around 12:30 then?"
	"Yup!"
	"OK! I'll see you then. Bye!"
	"Bye!"
	I hung up, half-elated, half-nervous. He was coming! "JC's coming
for lunch?" Chris asked, or stated, actually.
	"Yeah. Him and Justin," I told him nonchalantly.
	Jer squawked in incredulity. "You're serious? Justin? Oh man, oh
man, oh man, oh man!"
	I looked at Jer oddly. "Calm down! You already met him yesterday!"
	"Yeah, but yesterday was at night! Today's in the morning!" Jer was
yelling, pacing excitedly, gesturing wildly.
	"Jer has a crush on Justin," Zach teased. Jer blushed before
denying, "I do not!"
	"Yes, you do!"
	"Do not!"
	"Do too!"
	"Do not!"
	"Do too!"
	"All right, stop it, you two!" I glared at both Zach and
Jer. "Zach, stop teasing your brother. Jer, calm down. There's no
difference between meeting someone in the morning or meeting someone at
night. Now, they're coming at 12:30, so I want all of you to have your
shower by then, OK?"
	There was a chorus of "OK" and I turned away, satisfied. I put the
baking aside for a while, instead, deciding on what to cook for
lunch. Maybe, roast chicken and mashed potatoes? Or lamb chops? Or
spaghetti? In the end, I settled on the first choice. Much easier to
prepare. I basted the chickens with a mixture of salt, olive oil, sugar and
just plain butter after stuffing both the birds with breadcrumbs and
cheese. Then, I simply stuck the whole thing in the oven, set it for an
hour and turned to the next task. The mashed potatoes were even easier to
prepare. Boil the potatoes, peel off the skins, then mashed it together
with a bit of milk, salt, butter and a dash of vinegar. After mixing the
gravy, I was done. I left the fowls in the oven, to keep it warm, then,
dashed off for my own shower.
	I still had about an hour or so till they arrived so I decided to
take my own sweet time. I soaked in the tub, until I looked like a prune,
just relaxing before I got out, dried myself and changed into jeans, and a
blue cotton shirt. I checked up on Buttons who had finished first, looking
behind his ears. No dirt there. I inspected his fingernails and was
relieved to see them all nicely trimmed and clean. I heated up the fowls,
brought them out, first cutting them up into decent slices, letting the
slightly crispy breadcrumbs topped with melted cheese to simply spill out,
Served the mashed potatoes with the gravy in a different bowl, set the
table for seven, and waited for the rest.
	Jer almost drove me to distraction as he changed clothes one after
another before settling on his first choice. Maybe Zach was right about Jer
having a crush on Justin. After all, it was a stage that all guys around
Jer's age go through, idolizing a fairly famous, good-looking guy, and
Justin did fit the bill. I wondered if he knew about it. Perhaps, or
perhaps not.
	When the bell rang, I jumped up to open the door and there they
were. JC smiled at me while Justin grinned and tried peer inside. He caught
sight of Jer who ran over, hugging him, crowing, "Hi, Justin," almost
shyly. Justin muttered," Hey, kid!", obviously embarrassed, and I caught JC
watching the both of them in amusement.
	"Hey, you guys! Come right in!" I told them before closing the
door. For once, everybody was well-behaved, and Buttons was quite happy to
see JC, almost tackling him. I gestured them towards the dining table, and
got everybody seated. I sat at the head of the table with JC on my right,
Justin next to him and Jer next to Justin. On my right, was Buttons, Chris
and Zach. "Justin, would you say grace?" I asked him.
	"Yeah, sure," he agreed, still looking harassed. Jer was watching
him with glowing eyes and I reminded myself to have a word with him.
	"Lord, thank You for this food which we are about to enjoy, and
thank You for giving us such wonderful family members," at which, Justin
eyed Jer askance, "and such dear friends. I pray that we will forever enjoy
such luxuries as You give us. Amen," he ended, echoed by all of us. Without
a moment's hesitation, we dug in. I could see that both JC and Justin
enjoyed the food I had prepared, going for seconds. The rest of the guys
talked among themselves with Jer almost hanging on to Justin's every
word. Justin still looked harassed and embarrassed, but I think he was
rather flattered that a guy thought so highly of him.
	JC looked at me occasionally, chewing thoughtfully. I just kept
silent, watching all the others enjoy themselves, laughing and talking,
teasing and joking. I watched Justin closely, knowing that JC watched
me. Half-distracted, I considered Justin. With that smile and that
close-cropped blond curls, somehow, Justin looked so much younger than I
was and I felt so much older -- even though I knew that Justin was, in
fact, my senior by five months or so. Why did I feel so much older? I
really didn't know. I turned my head to see if JC was still watching me,
and his eyes caught mine, looking furtively. He raised his dark eyebrows
quizzically and I almost flushed. This was so strange! Why was he making my
blood heat up and my heart simply race? I was nervous all the time around
him; I felt so inadequate, something I had never felt before anyone. I
really didn't like it -- not at all.
	When lunch was done, I was glad of the distraction of washing up,
and I ushered the others to the living room, getting them drinks and
snacks, before washing the dishes by hand like I always do normally. Once I
was done, I moved out into the living room. Zach and Justin were playing
with the Playstation while Buttons and Jer commented. I was glad that Jer
didn't seem so dazed this time by Justin's proximity; instead, he
criticized Justin when he was bad and complimented him when he was good. I
looked for Chris, and found him on the phone -- again. So where was JC? On
a hunch, I checked the balcony, and there he was, sipping from a glass of
lemonade, legs crossed at the ankle, watching me as I approached him.
	"Hey, what you doing out here?" I asked, smiling as I settled next
to him.
	"Nothing much, really." He gave me a look that I simply couldn't
decipher. "I have something to talk to you about, Allie."
	"Yeah? Shoot." I waited for his reply.
	He hesitated for a moment before looking around then staring me
right in my eyes. "I was wondering if you would actually like a job with
us."
	What? "What are you talking about? What job?" I asked him,
half-confused.
	"You know that we -- Chris, Joey, Lance, Justin and I -- are in a
group, right?" I nodded impatiently. I knew that -- they had mentioned it
before. "Well, we're based here in Orlando and I was wondering if you'd
like to join the group."
	My mouth nearly dropped open at that. Join them? In some
new-fangled group that everybody seemed to talk about? I couldn't even
remember the name of their band or whatever. "Are you serious? I - I don't
know what to say."
	"Wait, before you say anything else, consider my offer
carefully. First, you'll get rich and you won't have to work so hard for
your brothers any more. You have the most amazing voice I've ever heard and
you're talents aren't being properly appreciated here," JC told me, almost
pleading. "Here, only a handful of people will hear you sing but if you
join us, CDs of your music will be all over the world! Everyone will hear
you sing -- you'll be famous!"
	I considered everything for a moment before speaking. It sounded
wonderful -- I wouldn't have to sing my throat sore anymore just to support
the guys. They would have everything they ever wanted. But, what about the
Sterlings? What about Leo? And Danny? "Wait, do we have to do tours and
stuff like that?"
	JC nodded. "Yeah. Two or three major tours a year with a few months
in each tour."
	"But that would mean I'd hardly get to see my brothers at all!" I
protested.
	"Yeah, but look at this way! You'd be giving them everything they
would need!"
	I pondered on that for a moment more. You have to make sacrifices
anyway and this was a more worthwhile way to do things, I guess. Still, it
sounded to good to be true. I had the pros, so what about the
cons. "Considering that you're famous and everything, you don't get much of
a private life, do you?" I waited for his reply. He shook his head and
looked as if he was about to speak but I simply cut in. "So, if I was one
of you, I wouldn't have much of one either, would I?" He shook his head
again. "Yeah, but -"
	I forestalled him. "You sing pop and all those mushy stuff, right?"
He nodded. "JC, I'm more used to singing the songs that I do, and I don't
think I'd be able to suit your style of singing."
	"Allie, Allie, why don't you just try out for it? If you're
successful, you have the choice of either going ahead or not. How about
this? I'll pick you up next Monday and take you to our studio where you get
to see everything."
	"I have a job -"
	"Oh, come one! Can't you take a few days leave or something?" JC
pleaded.
	"I guess I could but -"
	"NO buts! You're coming along!"
	I sighed and gave in. "OK, fine!" And then, I thought of
something. "What's the name of your group again?"
	"N'Sync," he answered, rather proudly.
	"I heard from Jer that it's supposed to be a mixture of your names
or something, right? So, how would I fit in?" I asked him.
	"Well," JC considered, "N'Sync actually stands for the last letter
in all our names. N for Justin, S for Chris, Y for Joey, N for Lance and C
for me, of course." He paused, just thinking for a while. "So, what about
E-N-S-Y-N-C for En' Sync?" he asked me, smiling.
	I grimaced. "I suppose. It still sounds funny to me."
	JC simply shrugged. "Just think about it, OK? You have the whole
weekend."
	I sighed. "OK."
	JC looked at me, and put his arm around my shoulder. "I'm not
forcing you to accept or anything, OK? Just consider it."
	I couldn't answer, only nod. His arm on my shoulder was doing
strange things to my constitution -- my heart was pounding like I was
running and my face felt like it was on fire, the way it burned. I almost
pulled away but it felt so good to be treated like a friend, like a
buddy. I almost thought, was I in love here? My curious questions to Danny
had led to something like this. The way he dreamily talked about the
symptoms of falling in love, of blood rushing to your cheeks, of your heart
pounding away, of the feeling as if you couldn't live without him. But, I
wasn't gay, was I? I didn't know! I had never dealt with love, with
attraction, with desire! How am I supposed to handle this? I panicked! What
should I do? Thankfully, JC lifted his arm first, telling me that he was
going to the toilet. I gave him directions and then I was left alone to
confront my own feelings. Was I really in love? I had all the symptoms that
Danny talked of. So, could this be it? Was I like Danny after all? But,
then, I realized that maybe it was just elation of finally having a good
friend. That was it, I told myself in relief. Nothing more. I hope. I
sighed. Ever since JC had entered my life, I was rapidly becoming more
confused than ever.

	JC splashed water in his face. What the hell was happening to him?
When he had placed that arm around Allie's shoulder, he had felt so
delighted, so excited that it had nearly caused him to freak out. Was he
gay? Was he, to feel this way about someone whom he hardly knew, a guy whom
he hardly knew? Then, on reflection, JC considered the possibility that he
might have been simply excited that he had managed to wrap up a deal that
benefited everyone.
	"That's all, you fool! Stop being so sensitive about everything!"
JC told his own reflection in the mirror. He wiped his face dry with tissue
paper, checked his reflection before stepping out of the toilet
	He met Justin halfway on his way out who quirked his eyebrows at
him. "What? Is something wrong?" he asked worriedly.
	"No, nothing wrong at all," Justin replied. Frankly, though, Justin
thought that JC looked rather flushed but happier as if he had just been
granted his greatest wish. JC made way and Justin stepped into the toilet,
locking the door after him. Almost haggardly, Justin paused to study
himself in the mirror. "Aren't you just so happy at getting another fan?"
he asked himself rather sardonically. Seriously, though, Jer was getting
better. He was more relaxed though, sometimes, he had a half-crazy look of
adoration on his face, a look that half-scared him. But, is that because
I'm scared of a guy being attracted to me or because I think that Jer is
actually rather cute? B'cos, yes, Justin had thought that Jared Taberner
was one very good-looking boy for all that he was fifteen. God, don't tell
me I'm becoming some kind of paedophile! Ugh, actually thinking that way
about young boys!
	But, then, I'm not attracted, am I? It's OK to simply state the
truth b'cos all the Taberner boys were actually quite good-looking young
men. That's it, I think. Justin shook his head, amused that he had let
something like this bother him the whole day long. What a fool I've been,
he told himself. Washing his hands, Justin began whistling as he walked out
of the toilet, happy once more.

	"Allie? We've gotta go now," JC told me quietly as he stepped back
onto the balcony.
	"Oh, I'm sorry." I looked at him, now smiling, his eyes gleaming in
the sun that was about to set soon already. I realized I had to sing soon
as well, and I hadn't even prepared dinner yet. "Maybe we could meet in
church tomorrow? I'll be singing as well . . . "
	JC smiled at me. "I'd like that very much." We both turned back to
the apartment once more where Justin was receiving hugs from all the
guys. I stepped forth to hug him, smelling the fragrance of his cologne,
very subtle, and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks for coming," I told him
warmly. "No, I should thank you for the lunch! It was fantastic!" he told
me exuberantly, non-plussed at all at being kissed.
	"Hey, do I get one?" JC joked. I smiled. "Of course." I hugged him,
feeling his hands wrap around my waist, and my heart began to thunder so
loudly that it was a wonder that he couldn't hear it. I pressed my lips
against his cheek, ever so gently, feeling the smoothness and softness of
his skin. I stepped back and let the others replace me.
	It was that time when no one was really watching except me that Jer
gave Justin his kiss. As always, hanging shyly back, Jer stepped up to kiss
Justin who turned his cheek towards the boy. Instead, Jer pressed his lips
full against Justin's lips, and I could see that Justin was as surprised as
I was. Once done, Jer stepped back, smiling shyly before retreating to his
room. I sighed. I guess I had to explain. As I escorted them to the door, I
noticed Justin eyeing Jer's closed door. As they were about to leave, I
called to Justin. A bit confused, he retraced his steps. "Yeah?"
	"About Jer . . ." I paused. How was I supposed to phrase this? "I
hope you don't take his kiss the wrong way. It's just a way for him to
express how much he loves you and I guess he just wanted to tell you that
he loves you like a brother." I hoped that would work.
	"Yeah, I'm cool," he nodded. "Jer's a sweet kid and I'd love to be
like a brother to him. Pass him this, will ya?" Justin handed a necklace
that he wore around his neck, pulling it out of his shirt. "I want him to
have this." He looked at me for a moment, almost shyly then said, "Does
this make us brothers, then?"
	I smiled. "I guess. Bye, bro."
	He smiled back at me. "Bye, bro." He waved and then was gone. JC
gave me one last smile before disappearing down the stairs. I walked back
in where Chris and Buttons were messing about on the computer. This time,
Zach was hogging the line. Well, now would be a good time, I suppose, to
pass along Justin's gift. I knocked softly at Jer's door, only entering
when I heard the muted "Come in." Jer was lying on his bed, face pressed
into his pillow, dark hair lying across the headrest. His legs were pulled
up on to the bed, bare and shapely, completely hairless. Must be another
family trait.
	"Hey, Jer! Got something for you from Justin!" I told him. I swear,
his ears perked up at that, and he was out of the bed in a flash, whining,
"What? What is it?". I handed him the little bead necklace that Justin had
handed to me. Jer received it with trembling hands, and his eyes seemed to
light up with some inner radiance. It was so obvious that he loved it, and
I felt happy for him.
	"It's beautiful," he whispered in hushed tones. I smiled. It made
me feel good to know that he felt good. "Yeah, Justin wants you to have
it. He said he'd like to be like a brother to you."
	"Oh," Jer voiced, in a more subdued manner. Why was he so sad now?
Maybe he was just overwhelmed by it all, I guess. I ruffled his hair. "Come
one, kid. He may be a star and all, but he's just like you and me.'
	"I guess." He turned away and flopped back on to his bed. I
sighed. Nothing else I could do. As I turned away, I heard Jer go, "Allie?"
	"Yeah?" I turned around to face him. His head was angled to look at
me.
	"Thanks."
	I smiled. "Whatever, Jer."
	I closed the door quietly behind me. Jer was definitely in that
rather awkward stage. The twins had gone through it before but, other than
some rudeness which thankfully faded away, they were pretty much OK. But,
Jer was a different case. He had to handle this -- I could only do so
much. I sighed. Oh, well. I saw Buttons clicking away furiously with the
mouse and I realized what I had wanted to do. "Buttons!"
	"Yeah?" He didn't even look away at the computer, still clicking
away at some game he was playing. I glanced at it as I moved towards
Buttons. Some weird game with insectoid things all over the screen. As I
watched, little figures started shooting at some flying things. "Save your
game, Buttons. You gotta go for a haircut."
	"Allie, later, please," Buttons whined.
	"No," I said firmly. "Later, I won't be free, OK? So, save your
game and get ready."
	He grumbled a little but finally gave in. As soon as he was done, I
walked downstairs with him, arms around his shoulder. He squirmed a little
and I sighed again. For the 365th time this day, it seemed. I gritted my
teeth and prepared to deal with a restless 12-year-old, trying to chivvy
him into the barber's. It was not a task that I thought I would enjoy.

	Jared stared at the little bead necklace that Allie had given
him. It was just a leather cord with beads of blue, red, green and white,
strung onto it in various patterns and ratios. At times, the beads were
separated by a crystal shard that glittered in the sunlight as Jared held
it up before his window. It was a gift, true, but from a guy who wished to
be his brother when Jer wanted him to be so much more.
	It was a pain that gnawed away at him. He liked other guys -- he
knew that, had known it since his 13th birthday, had known it when he
developed a crush on Zach's friend, Kyle. Jared had never actually gone
beyond saying hi to Kyle when he saw him but it was still a painful
reminder of something that he never wanted anyone to know. How could he
disappoint Allie, his older brother, the brother he loved the most, the one
who had supported all of them when Mom and Dad had passed away? Jer knew
that while Allie wouldn't say it aloud, deep down in his brother's heart,
something would have changed between them.
	And, now, Justin. Jared rolled on his bed, trying to shut out the
images -- to no avail. He remembered the way Justin had smiled at him, so
sweetly that it felt as if nothing else mattered anymore, and all Jer had
longed for was that smile to be bestowed upon him again, and again, and
again, until the end of time. He remembered Justin's cheerful blue eyes,
filled with warmth and compassion, filled with all the love in the world
that Jer harbored for his secret hero. Sometimes, Jer regretted ever having
met Justin in the flesh, regretted knowing him as he did now. It had never
been this way when Justin was just a distant figure that Jer occasionally
dreamed about. Now, Jer couldn't stop thinking about him, couldn't stop
wishing that Justin would treat him like a paramour, instead of a
starstruck young boy. It isn't fair, God, it isn't! Why, oh, why me? And,
God, why, oh, why, him?
	And, that foolish kiss! He hadn't been able to restrain himself,
hadn't been able to keep himself from pressing his lips against
Justin's. It was a dream come true -- Justin's soft, sweet lips against his
own, first still and unresponsive, then pressing back so sweetly, so gently
that it had made his heart pound so hard that it was a wonder no one had
heard. Still, all Justin wanted to be was his brother! As is he didn't have
enough brothers already!
	It was all a foolish hope. Nothing can come of it. I have to forget
about him in that way, stop hoping that he will love me the way I love
him. Jared closed his eyes, feeling tears seep through. I swear I will put
it behind me. But, a small voice in his heart continued whispering to him,
and try as much as he could, it wouldn't shut up.

	Justin closed his eyes, feeling the hot water from his bath
sloshing against him. The air was filled with the faint scent of the bubble
bath he had emptied into the water, filling his nostrils with that scent --
yet, another scent remained in his mind, so clear, so sweet, so him. Even
now, he could remember the scent of Jared's hair when they had kissed so
gently, both thinking that none had seen -- except that Allie had.
	You are so sick, Justin Timberlake. You disgust me. These were the
thoughts that ran through his mind. He knew what had happened in Allie's
place. Jer had given him an innocent kiss, as innocent as the boy probably
was, and he had turned it into a sick mockery of the pledge of brotherly
love that Jer had made. Instead, he had responded by pressing his lips
harder against Jer's soft, sensuous lips. God, he was good kisser! That
thought only sickened him more. You pervert! He could still taste Jer's
lips against his own, and in his bath, he found himself responding to that
memory. Why this? And why now? He had never felt this way before -- not
about any girl, and, certainly, not about any guy or boy. Yet, he found
himself thinking how good company Jared really was. The boy was older than
his years, more mature, more intelligent, more considerate. He was perfect
as he was, so damned beautiful, and so damned innocent. And, he was only
15!
	And that bead necklace was his fantasy, a way of saying you're mine
to Jer, hoping against all hope that the boy would accept it, would accept
him. How could Jer when even Justin couldn't accept himself?
	His eyes opened briefly, seeing the result of his arousal right
before his eyes. He groaned, certain now, more than ever, of his sexual
perversion. A kid, Lord! Why kids? If this a test, Lord, I don't think I'm
doing too well! Justin closed his eyes, praying that he wouldn't dream of
Jer again. However, his heart betrayed himself once again, filling his mind
with the images of a dark-haired youth running through the forest. In that
dream, Justin chased after him, hearing the boy's musical laughter
lingering in his ears. He would catch the boy, staring into those beautiful
emerald orbs, before they would kiss, pressing lips against lips, and make
love gently to one another beneath the open boughs of the trees. It was a
dream that haunted him every night though it was rare for him to dream of
sex. Sometimes, it was walking by the beach beneath a moonlit sky. Other
times, holding hands while they walked down the road. All dreams -- dreams
that haunted.