Date: Sun, 13 May 2001 09:39:29 EDT
From: Gking0300@aol.com
Subject: Celebrity/Boybands/Torn/1

I don't usually see Nick and JC paired up, so I decided to do it myself.
This first part is just setting the stage for the story, showing you some
of their past history and what they went through.  I'm starting with a
breakup, which is sort of unusual, but hell, if you want usual, go
somewhere else. . .

I love to hear from people and their comments, so e-mail me! ! !  Your
input will be valued and I'll make a half assed attempt to get back to
ya'll.

Gking0300@aol.com

DISLCAIMER: This story is a complete work of fiction, meaning it's not
true. . All references to the sexual orientation of any of the members of
Backstreet Boys or NSYNC are completely contrived and have no basis in real
life.

**I. Introduction: When Everything's Made to Broken**

The room was dark and cold; the shadow's shifted randomly across the
seemingly black walls, the heavy curtains hanging like lifeless sentries
against the tall arched windows blocked the feeble light from the outside.
Two men stood face to face, their handsome features contorted and angry,
their demeanor's set and their hands on their hips.  "I didn't think I'd
ever be telling you this Nick, but get the hell out of my life."

Nick looked disbelieving at JC, his blond hair matted and sweaty, his chest
bare, his crimson lips like blood against his pale face.  A tear lay poised
on his bottom lid before plunging down his face, leaving a shiny streak
behind it.  "I can't believe you won't even hear my side of it Josh, it
didn't happen that way, I swear to you.  I love you Josh, I wouldn't do
anything like that, not ever.  Ryan and I are over and you know that."

"I would never do something like that," JC mocked, his voice cruel with a
cold sharp edge in it; something Nick had never heard before.  Nick's
lover's normally beautiful blue eyes shined sharp like daggers, a stormy
blackness ripping through their profound beauty.  "I never want to see your
face again Nick.  And don't tell me you love me.  Hearing those words out
of your mouth, the same mouth that lied to me so many times, makes me sick
to my stomach."

Nick grabbed JC's hands in a last attempt to make himself heard.  "Joshua,
please let me-,"

He was cut short as JC violently threw the younger blond from him, sending
him reeling into the wall.  There was a crash as the vase on the table fell
to the floor, the porcelain flying into millions of tiny shards, some
embedding themselves into Nick's pearly white skin.  His mouth slightly
open from shock, Nick's large eyes stared up at JC in silent anguish.
Blood ran from the tiny wounds in Nick's arms and hands, mixing with the
water on the floor.  "I love you JC, I love you so much, I always will."

JC looked at Nick lying on the floor, his face streaked with tears, his
beautiful smooth skin bloody and cut, his gorgeous features twisted into
one of pain and desperation.  JC left the room, swiftly slamming the door
behind him.

Once out of the room, he let out a shaky breath and collapsed against the
door.  He stared out into nothing before sobs over took his body and he
wrapped his arms around his knees, feeling his tears soak his jeans.  "I
love you too Nick," he whispered quietly.  "I love you too."

**II. The End of What Comes Before Forever**

Nick pulled clothes from his closet, carefully placing them on the bed,
smoothing out the wrinkles, and placing them into his suitcase.  Pushing
down to compress the material, he jammed one last pair of jeans into the
bag and zipped it shut.  Lifting it from the bed, he gasped at its sudden
weight and dropped it quickly on the ground, pausing to massage his sore
hand and calm his breathing.  Looking around the room, he surveyed the
tangle of bedclothes and the bloody towels in the bathroom.  The sheets
were stained with cum, and the air was heavy and humid, and a vase lay
smashed to tiny fragments next to the entry.  Grimacing at what the maid
would think of the scene, Nick slid a hundred dollar bill next to the
remains of the broken glass.  I hope that covers it, Justin thought to
himself, trying to carefully scrape the glass into a smaller pile.

Picking his card from the top of the television, a glimmer caught his eye.
Reaching down to the bedside table, he picked up a magazine clipping.  His
brown hair was streaked with blond, his beautiful blue eyes sparkled with
the life and love Nick had come to know so well.  But like a dream ending,
their love had crashed to an abrupt halt, leaving Nick heartbroken and
loveless.  Poised to crumple the paper in his hand, his eyes strayed again
on the beautiful smiling face and masculine jawline.  Shaking his head to
himself, he jammed the picture into his pocket and abruptly left the room.

*****

"Hey Nick, wait up," Brian shouted as he watched the tall blond make his
way slowly across the parking lot.

The sky was gray and threatening and dark clouds scudded across.  The wind
picked up and howled, whipping Nick's blond locks around his head and
sending the piles of leaves into a whirlwind.  Looking back, Nick gave a
crooked smile as he watched Brian, complete with hat and dark glasses, run
over to him, waving his arms.

"You're such a dork Brian, even when you're not trying to be," Nick said
shaking his head.  "What do you want this time?"

"I talked to JC and he told me to tell you that he's-," Brian started but
the cold look Nick gave him stopped him abruptly in midsentence.  He stood
in front of Nick awkwardly and stared at the ground for lack of anything
better to do.

"Thank you for relaying that message Brian.  I can count on you to tell him
my answer," Nick said calmly.  Turning, he lifted his bag in front of him
and boarded the bus.  "And I want a package of sour gummy worms too."

Nick watched Brian walk back across the parking lot, the meager daylight
seeming much less from behind the bus' tinted windows.  The sun looked a
sickly orange color, and Nick smiled at how the late autumn day fit his
mood perfectly.  Sitting down in a chair next to his bunk, Nick's eyes
glazed over as his mind wandered back through his relationship with Josh.
The kisses, the sweet words, holding each other, smelling his scent,
feeling his arms.  Feeling himself tear up again, Nick dashed the memories
from his vision.  I don't need him anymore.  I have my own life, Nick
thought to himself.

But you still love him.

No I don't.  I'm over him.  It's his fault he accused me of something I
didn't do.  Hell, he didn't even come to me.  He trusted someone else over
me, and if there isn't trust in a relationship, hell, it would have ended
anyway.

But you still love him.

Nick closed his eyes as his heart and his mind battled in a hailstorm of
logic and reasoning.  But something about JC made Nick forgive him no
matter what happened, no matter what he did.  Something about his beautiful
sapphire eyes, something about his smooth skin and perfect body, something
about his seductive movement and gorgeous smile made Nick wild even after
everything JC had put him through.  Nick put a hand to his lips as he
remembered the warmth and desires JC ilicited from him.  Nick felt a
stirring in his pants as he remembered JC, his skin gleaming with a sheen
of sweat, his hands pinned behind his back and his head thrown back in
ecstacy.  His passionate moans filled Nick's head as his mind ran through
their lovemaking.

"Nick."

Nick, caught up in his reverie, jumped suddenly as he heard his name being
called.  Adjusting the growing bulge at his waistline, he shook his head
and ran a hand through his honeyed locks quickly, checking his reflection
in the mirror.  Licking his lips, he turned to see Brian holding a plastic
bag, his hair touseled and rain-flecked.  Nick smiled as Brian shook his
head sending small drops of water right and left.  Squinting from the
rainwater running down into his eyes, Brian thrust the bag into Nick's
hand.

"Thanks Bri," Nick said opening the package and biting off a piece of the
worm, puckering his mouth and pulling a face as the sour taste filled his
mouth.

"You get so happy when you have candy," Brian said thoughtfully as Nick
munched happily.  "Just like a little kid."

"Hey," Nick said grinning as he chewed.  "I'm not a little kid anymore, I'm
this many," he said cheerfully, holding up three fingers.

Brian rolled his eyes and sat down on a chair by Nick, running a hand
through his rain-soaked hair.  His usual golden brown color was dark and
auburn from the moisture, and his shirt clung closely to his body.  "I
wouldn't run through a rainstorm and risk getting mugged, raped, torn to
shreds, and frozen for anyone but you."

Nick smiled sweetly and clasped his hands together and fluttered his
eyelashed comically.  "Really Mr. Littrell?  You wouldn't?  Not for anyone
else?  Oh my, I think I might just be in love with you."

Brian punched Nick playfully, but instead of receiving the usual snide
response, Nick flinched and rubbed his shoulder.  "Jeez Bri."

Brian narrowed his eyebrows.  "Ryan?"

Nick looked away and pursed his lips.  "Maybe."  The package fell forgotten
to the tabletop.

Brian sighed and crossed his arms.  "Nick, don't be this way with me.  You
know I just want to help you, I always have your best interests at hand,
you know that."

Nick rose, his cheeks slightly flushed.  "What if my best interest is you
fucking off?"  He brushed past Brian to stand at the window.  Pressing his
nose against the cool glass, he watched as his breath formed condensation
against the running rain on the ouside.

"Nick?"

Nick clenched his hands into a tight fist, biting his lip hard to ebb the
tears threatening to spill from his eyes.  He winced as blood appeared,
running down his chin.  "What," Nick said, his voice cold as steel, more of
a challenge than a question.

"I want you to be happy Nick, and this certainly doesn't look like happy to
me.  Let it out Nick, you know I won't be judgemental or jump to
conclusions.  Why won't you just tell me what's wrong?"

"Fuck off Brian, it's different between us now.  I can't just spill my guts
like I used to.  I'm older, and-."

"And I got married?"  Brian's eyes shot daggers at Nick, his normally clam
disposition turning stormy at the drop of a pin.  "Different now that you
think you're not number one anymore?  Sorry Nick, but as much as you'd like
to think I dropped you as soon as I married Leighanne, you're as much my
best friend as you were before."

Nick crossed his arms and stood unmoving at the window.  "But it's
different."

"Different from what?" Brian said moving to stand next to Nick.  "Different
just because now I'm attached.  Different because we can't be silly
teenagers and have no responsibilities?  I'm sorry Nick, but I grew up and
you didn't.  That's why it's different."

Nick turned to Brian slowly.  "You grew up and I didn't? That's a lie,
that's the biggest lie I've ever heard in my life.  I've gone through so
much, things that you don't know, things that you wouldn't understand,
things that would make your blood run-."  Nick stopped abruptly as his mind
caught up with his voice.

"I-," Nick started again but Brian cut in, his voice several pitches higher
than normal.

"What?  Things that I don't know?  Things that would make what?  Make my
blood run cold?  Scar me for life?"

Nick turned his head away and closed his eyes slowly.  "Yes Brian, things
that would make your blood run cold, things that would scar you for life.
Things that only homo fags do."  Nick's voice turned angry with a sharp
edge, his eyes flashed dangerously as he stood up quickly.

Brian looked at his friend, pleading.  "Tell me Nick, tell me what's
wrong."

"My patience is wearing out."

Brian crossed his arms and glared up at Nick from his seat.  "Tell me."

"Alright Brian, I will.  I'll tell you what it was like with Ryan.  How
would you like to be thrown around, beaten, abused, called names that would
curl the hair of a perfect babtist boy like you.  How would you like to
have to be down on your knees whenever he told you, how would you like to
be hit and kicked for things that you couldn't control.  Huh?  Huh Brian?
Tell me what you think of that," Nick said, his voice quickly becoming
hoarse from yelling.

Brian looked up at Nick in shock.  This outburst was completely
uncharacteristic, and Brian was at a loss for words.

He bent down close to Brian, grabbing his shirt collar and pulling him
sharply upward.  "On your knees so much you've got a rugburn, on your knees
so long they bleed, up your ass so hard you can't sit down."  Nick released
Brian and vacated the bus quickly.

Brian watched silently as Nick jogged across the parking lot.

The leaves swirled, the rain poured, the lightning rippled across the sky,
and the thunder rolled in the background.

*****

The water poured over Nick's body, steam rising from the shower to cloud
the mirror.  Nick ran his hands through his golden locks thoroughly
spreading the shampoo lather through his hair.  Ducking his head under the
shower, he rinsed the foam out and smoothed it back, feeling the hot liquid
running in rivulets down his smooth skin, working the kinks and soreness
from his tired body.

Squinting as water ran into his eyes, he heard his name softly from outside
the room.  "Nick?"

Nick groaned and opened the shower curtain a crack.  "What?"

There was a long silence and Nick grew impatient.  "What do you want?  Is
it an emergency?"

"Sort of."

Nick turned off the water and grabbed a towel, vigorously drying the water
from his body.  Wrapping a towel around his waist and running a brush
through his wet hair, he pulled open the door.

Shocked by the rush of cold air, Nick recovered.  But as the steam poured
out of the bathroom and the initial surprise was behind him, Nick's eyes
widened again.  Stepping back, he bit his lip and mumbled quietly to
himself, at a loss for words.

Joshua Scott Chasez stood outside the bathroom door, watching his
ex-boyfriend reel backwards as if his mere presence were a blow to the
head.  Tears sprang to his eyes and he entered the bathroom, closing the
door behind him softly.  "Nick, I, I," he started but stopped as Nick cut
in.

"You what JC?  You took the word of someone else over mine?  You believed
someone you didn't even know?  You didn't even hear my side or let me
defend myself?  You hurt me mentally and physically?  You broke my heart in
two and left me to bleed alone?  What do you want JC," Nick said,
emphasizing the initials harshly.

JC winced at the cold words.  "Nick, I'm so sorry.  I never meant to bring
back the memories of Ryan."

Nick's face paled.  "Don't say that name JC, don't say it."

"Goddamn it Nick, I love you.  I was blinded by anger, I didn't mean to
hurt you," JC said quickly.  Calming down, he sighed heavily.  "I wanted to
be everything Ryan wasn't.  I wanted to hold you, to love you, to make you
feel like you were at the top of the world-."

"But you didn't," Nick said coldly.  "You didn't.  You made me bleed just
like Ryan.  You dumped me like yesterday's trash just like Ryan did.  You
threw away my love and turned your back on me when I needed you the most.
Joshua, I don't love you anymore so don't come back to me and-."

"Don't say you don't love me anymore Nick, it hurts too much," JC said
quietly.  "I still love you Nick, I've always loved you and I always will."
JC slowly got down on his knees and took Nick's hands in his.  "I love you
Nickolas Gene, take me back, I beg you."

Nick looked down into the beautiful blue eyes staring up at him.  A pang of
hunger came over him and he longed to kiss JC at that moment.  He longed to
feel arms around him holding him close.  But in the battle of mind and
heart, Justin had let his heart win one too many times.  Closing his eyes,
he let his mind take over and made his decision.

Throwing JC's hands away violently, Nick's eyes narrowed.  "I have one
thing to say to you JC.  Get another boyfriend."

Nick tore the towel from his waist and grabbed his boxers from the floor.

"Get a good look Chasez, because it's the last one you'll get."  Nick
whipped past JC quickly and slammed the bathroom door behind him.

*****

Nick walked with the confidence born of fear.  The fear of getting hurt and
the fear of hurting someone.  Nick's face was beautiful.  Each feature
looked perfect, like someone had pondered for hours and then, with a
paintbrush, delicately and painstakingly created the most beautiful male
figure their memory could come up with.  His face was unblemished and
slightly tanned, and his eyes had a youthful and passionate shine.

But his beauty couldn't protect him and that was the one thing that he
regretted.  Sometimes, he wished he could hide behind his fame and pretend
that nothing could hurt him; that he was invincible and his beauty would
stand guard against all the hurt and pain that could be inflicted upon him.
But it couldn't.

Ryan knew that, and Ryan enforced that.

Nick's mind jogged back to life with Ryan.

Life with Ryan.

It was like a living hell.  Shoved up against the wall, Nick had felt the
warm salty taste of blood in his mouth and even more present was the bitter
taste of fear that had welled up from deep inside him.  Nick flinched as
his shirt was ripped to shreds and cast upon the floor.  Ryan was rough,
rough from day one.

Nick winced as he remembered the bruises covering his arms and back.
'Falling' had been so common with Nick back then.  It seemed he was always
falling down the stairs, or slipping on a wet floor.

It was the only way to cover the bruises.

And he had to really fall, and it had to hurt.

But Nick walked confidently.  He walked with the confidence of someone who
had seen to much not to.  He walked with the confidence of someone who had
learned that if you don't look sure of yourself, someone will hurt you.

"Nick?"

Nick was thrown from his reverie as Brian's voice pierced through his mind.
"Yea?"

Brian jogged to catch up.  "Phone call."

Nick took the phone from Brian.  "Nick here."

Nick's face instantly tightened and the muscles in his body tensed.  "What
do you want, I thought I made it clear that I never wanted to talk to you
or hear from you again.  What part of good bye did you not understand."

There was a pause and Nick's eyes widened a little.  Brian stood by
nervously, not knowing whether to leave or stay.  He bit his lip and
figeted slightly.

"I'm sorry Ryan, but I'm not falling for that again.  Ever," Nick said
calmly.  "It's been over, and it still is."

Brian took the phone from Nick abruptly.  "Nick can't talk right now, don't
call back later," he said harshly and slammed the phone back down on the
receiver.

Nick smiled and pulled Brian close.  "What would I do without you?"

Brian shrugged and stuck a carrot into his mouth, chewing contemplatively.
"Jack off alone?"

Nick shoved Brian from him and mussed his hair.  "Fuck off sicko."

"Love you too babe," Brian said and ambled off toward the kitchen.

Nick stared at Brian's yellow boxers with brown polka dots.  "I'm gonna
have to do something about that," he said quietly.  Still laughing to
himself, he stared at the phone, motionless on the desk.

"Fuck you," Nick said eyeing the phone evilly.  Picking it up carefully, he
opened the back and took out the batteries.  The yellow light blinked out
on the base and the flashing lights ceased.

"What you gonna do now, huh?  Can't ring now witout yo batteries," Nick
said to the phone.

The phone lay on the desk, motionless.

Juggling the batteries in his hands, Nick walked off, chuckling softly to
himself.

*****

"We're doing what?" Nick asked again, not sure whether to believe what he
was hearing or not.

"Nick, I know things between you and JC are still tender, but we're doing a
joint tour.  It's not my choice and you know that," Kevin said quietly.
Sitting down next to Nick on the couch, he turned Nick's head to face him.
Gently, he stared into Nick's eyes.  "I won't let him touch you, I
promise."

"Not once?"

"Not once," Kevin repeated firmly.  "And if he does, I'll beat the fucker
until he lookes like Howie."

Over on the couch, AJ gave a snort, but quickly concealed it at Howie's
glare.

"Thanks Kev," Nick said quietly returning his gaze to the floor.

Nick looked over at Brian, still in his repulsively clashing undergarments.
"Bri, you really need new boxers.  Those are, well, hideous."

"Hey, don't be dissin the phat pants man, I shopped a whole five minutes
trying to look for boxers," he said with mock anger.  "Now if any more a yo
peeps have a problem with these here duds, yo be answerin to moi."

AJ gave Brian a reproving glare.  "Brian, those are the most hideous pair
of, well, just about anything that I ever saw.  Didn't you learn that
yellow and brown don't go?  Get it together bro.  And don't talk ghetto my
man, you don't got no black power and you know it."

Brian looked around, and finding no support in the room, he bit off a piece
of his carrot loudly.  "This is what I'm doing to your dicks right now."

"I'd never let you near my dick in a million years," Nick countered from
his place on the couch.  Kevin got up and sat in a safer spot away from the
danger zone.

"That's not what you said last night," Brian said evilly eyeing Nick.

"I didn't say anything to you last night," Nick said.  "I'd rather not talk
to your ugly ass at night.  Make that your ugly naked ass at night."

"And I thought I was the only one," Kevin said, but on receiving an angry
glance from his cousin, he fell silent.

"Yeah, you didn't say anything to me last night cause my ten inches was
rammed down your throat," Brian said coming closer to Nick.

"Your ten inches?  More like your half inch," Nick said, knowing he was
pressing buttons.

Brian launched himself onto Nick and they both fell from the couch and
rolled around on the floor.  Nick yelped as Brian elbowed him in the
crotch.  Brian rolled off and Nick pounced on his head and clamped it
between his legs.  "This a familiar position Bri, or did you like it more
up the ass?"

Brian managed to mumble out an inaudible answer and flip Nick onto his
back.  Nick struggled and they rolled over, wrestling viciously.

The lamp on the end table fell with a crash, and they both froze.

Standing up, Brian and Nick straightened their clothes and immediately
pointed at one another.  "He did it," they said simultaneously.

Kevin stood, his formidible height falling over the group.  "Grow up you
two.  We've got a meeting with the 'Impressionists' in an hour and I've
gotta get the paperwork together, so stop fooling around and get some fresh
clothes on."

"Yes Kevvy," Nick said batting his eyelashes at Kevin.

"That's daddy for you," Kevin said gruffly before vacating the room.

"Hey Nicky, I didn't know you were in to that kinky stuff," Brian said
grabbing his crotch.  "We'll have to try some of that shit tonight, I'll go
buy the handcuffs right now."

Howie and AJ left the room as Nick launched himself on Brian as yet another
lamp fell to the floor.

***III. Waking up to Love**

Joshua Scott Chasez sat at a table by himself, watching the snowflakes fall
gently by the window.  The harsh flourescent lights gleamed against the
highly polished windows, and he could feel the cold radiating from the
glass against his blushed cheeks.  Looking down, he pressed his forehead
agianst the glass watching it fog where his breath hit.  The baggage
tractors wove their way through the maze of refueling carriers and
personel, their faint orange flash of lights blinking in Justin's
peripheral vision.

Checking the flashing television screen above him, JC cursed.  Damn, yet
another delay in his flight.  Watching the sun sink slowly below the
horizon, JC's eyes dimmed as the daylight stole away and was replaced by
the blackness of nightfall.  Sighing, he looked over to make sure his
backpack was still beside him, and took another sip of his soda.  Cupping
the glass in both hands, he swirled it around on the table making designs
with the moisture rings.

He winced, warding off another fit of nausea.  He was returning, returning
to life with the band.  Returning to his chaotic, stressful lifestyle that
had pressed his nerves to the breaking point recently.  And now an eight
hour plane ride.  Eight long hours smashed inbetween two people in the
suffocating atmosphere of coach class wishing he had sprung for first
class.

But something more was there.  A premonition, a feeling that something was
going to happen.  Something terrible, something unexpected and deadly.
Taking another sip, he closed his eyes and tried to concentrate, but his
splitting headach sent his vision into blackness.

Something was wrong.  Something was horribly wrong.  But try as he might,
JC couldn't put his finger on it.

"Hey, is this seat taken?"

JC looked up and smiled his trademark grin.  "Nope, free for anyone, and
looks like I have a customer."

As the man sat down, JC shivered slightly, a cold and insecure feeling
washing over him.  Narrowing his eyes, JC surveyed the newcomer.  He was
handsome, tall and thin with curly black hair and light green eyes,
mediterranean in origin.  His lips curled into a perfect smile and his
clothes fit his lean and muscular body perfectly, yet leaving little to the
imagination.

"Jackson Dawson," he said, his beautiful face lighting up with an
earthshattering smile.

JC returned the smile and shook his hand firmly.  "JC Chasez."

"The?"

JC nodded and smiled meekly again, feeling suddenly sick to his stomach as
the cold feeling permeated him again, almost sending him out of his seat to
the floor.  "Where you headed?"

"New York City, flight eight oh four, due out about," he paused and looked
at his watch.  "Eight hours ago."  Laughing, he shot JC another wide smile.

JC nodded appreciatively.  "New York City, flight nine sixty two due out
about three hours ago, but I'm scheduled for take off in a few minutes.
Some kind of technical problem, and then this snow.  I'm surprised that I'm
not later than I am."

"Lucky bum," Jackson said putting his bag on the floor next to him,
groaning as the weight was removed from his shoulders.  "I've gotta wait
for an indefinate amount of time, and I promised my girlfriend I'd be home
yesterday.  It's our one year anniversary tommorow, and we wanted to be
home early and surprise her."

"You really love her, don't you?" JC said, resting his chin on his clenched
hands.

Jackson shifted in his seat and looked at the ground, the slightest color
rising to his cheeks.  "Yeah I guess.  It's the first relationship that's
ever worked out the way I wanted it to.  I've had some rough times."

"Such as?"

Jackson looked away and played awkwardly with a napkin on the table.  "It's
not that I don't trust you JC, but they're things that-."

"Hey, I'm being nosy, I know.  Sorry if I pushed you too far," JC said
quickly.  Pushing his tickets and boarding passes over the counter, JC
nodded towards them.  "You take these.  Go see your girlfriend."

"No, I couldn't do that JC, I would never inconvenience you like that,"
Jackson said slowly, but there was a definite look of longing in his
sparkling eyes.

JC shook his head, and a lock of curly golden hair fell in front of his
vision.  "Hey, what are friends for?  It's the least I can do for being so
rude."

Jackson's face broke into an earthshattering smile.  "Thanks buddy, I owe
you a million."

JC shrugged and took a last drink from his cup, crunching some ice down.
"I'll remember that when I need a favor, but you better hurry now.  They're
boarding you now, you better get going."

Jackson picked his bags up and shouldered his carry on.  "You're a life
saver man."

JC nodded his response and returned to swirling his drink around on the
tabletop.  Watching Jackson carefully, the cold feeling rose uncontrollably
in Justin and he almost doubled over.  Jackson waved and JC managed a small
smile.  With that, he was gone.

JC bit his lower lip softly and watched the remaining passengers boarded
the giant jet.  The jetwalk slowly retracted from the plane, and the
creaking of rusted bolts permeated the uneasy silence.  The aircraft moved
backwards from the gate slowly, the engines prepping suddenly roared
through JC's mind.

The swirling orange warning lights flashed through JC's vision repeatedly,
bringing new stabs of pain to his tortured mind.  The wings passed
dangerously close to the terminal and the engine noises became defeaning.
Snow fell from the top of the plane in showers as the craft picked up speed
jerkily and disappeared around the corner.

JC exhaled slowly.  The cold feeling wrapped itself around him, its
tendrils choking the life from him.  What he thought had been a favor,
somehow was going to go wrong.  So wrong that it would take a lifetime to
patch up the damage.

He could see it.

He could feel it.

*****

The jet picked up speed and with a skidding squeal, the front wheels and
then the back lost contact with the ground.  They retracted quickly into
the belly of the airplane and the engines whined with the increasing air
intake.

The city of Chicago spread out beneath the craft, the faintly blinking
lights of the downtown offices shone in the distance, and the snow fell
softly.  The plane banked sharply and began its final climb to cruising
altitude.

"Welcome to Synation Trans-American Airlines flight eight oh four with
service to Kennedy in New York.  Please direct your attention to the
informational safety video on the retractable screens in front of you."

The aircraft climbed, the engines roared.  The black night sky flew by and
the snow fell, unstoppable.

Jackson sat in his seat, his earphones secured around his curly black hair.
He opened a magazine and his intense eyes scanned the words.  Settling back
in his seat, he disregarded the video and sighed, turning a page as the
elderly man next to him fumbled with his seatbelt.

"Please note in case of an aquatic landing, your seat will turn into a
floatation device.  Strap it around your body as demonstrated now."

The lights on board flickered slightly and the plane jerked.

Jackson looked around nervously as the plane lost altitude sharply, and
banked.  His stress ball rolled from his fold down table and across the
aisle.  Leaning over to apologise to the woman across from him, the plane
jerked again, the onboard lights flickering on and off.

The man beside Jackson had forgotten his seat belt and was peering intently
out into the night air.  Fixing his eyes on the horizon, Jackson watched as
the line where air met land rotated wildly.

The stress ball rolled to the front of the plane as the airplane lost
power.

The black night sky flew by and the snow fell, unstoppable.

*****

'Flight eight oh four Synation airlines, we have you on our screens.  Go
ahead'

'Synation to control, requesting emergency landing at O'hare international.
We have technical difficulties and possible on board fire and electric
system failures'

'Permisson granted Synation airlines flight eight oh four to land on runway
eight b.  Emergency crews will be dispatched immediately'

'We have an engine A and B burnout, fuel dump procedures in process'

'Follow standard fuel dump procedures flight eight oh four, please activate
emergency recording devices'

'Affirmative control, initiating fuel dump and activating black box at
specified bandwidth'

*****

The huge jet screamed across the sky, white spray from the fuel tanks
following it like a contrail through the frigid air.  The tiny pinpricks of
light marking the windows flickered slightly as the giant craft lost
altitude.  In a flash, an engine ignited, thick smoke billowing almost
immediately.  In a jerk, the plane listed dangerously to the right, now
only a few hundred feet above the ground.

In a sudden increase in altitude, the one remaining engine groaned in a
weak protest before going out, leaving a thin sheen of smoke floating
across the sky.  With no more propulsion or stabilization, the fuselage
plummeted to the ground quickly, whining as the increasing pressure
attempted to rend the aluminum plates from the airframe.

In a brilliant fiery explosion, the aircraft met the ground at slightly
over two hundred miles an hour on the outskirts of the airport.  Burning
metal was thrown miles into the air as the grid of iron and steel exploded
violently.  In a final conflagration, the plane blew itself apart
completely.

Joshua Chasez watched a flash of light appear off in the darkness.  "I was
supposed to be on that plane," he said quietly.  He watched, his eyes
burning and his mouth slightly open.  Shrapnel flew from the burning craft
like rock fragments from a meteor shower.  The cold feeling took over his
body completely, and he fell to the floor, his eyelids closing over his
glazed blue eyes.

*****

"Nick, we need to talk," Brian said softly coming into the room.  The dawn
light filtered through the drawn curtains.  Nick sat up in bed slowly, his
messy blond locks falling into his face.  His squinted and narrowed his
eyes as he saw Brian.

"Hey, whats up?"

"Nick, I need to talk to you, seriously now.  I don't want you to
overreact, but I have to tell you this before you find out on your own."

Nick tensed slightly.  "Well, what is it?"

"It's JC," Brian said, lowering his voice to a whisper.

"Is he here?" Nick said, hs eyes widening.

Brian looked at the floor.  "No Nick, he's dead.  He died in a plane crash
late last night."

Nick froze, the color draining from his cheeks.  "No, no.  He can't, he
can't be dead.  I didn't get to, get to tell him, I didn't get to hold him
one last time, I," Nick mumbled incomprehensively.

Brian wrapped his arms around Nick's body and let the younger man cry out
his frustration.

"I still love him Bri, I just wanted to get to tell him that, that's all."

Brian nodded.  "We all know that Nick, we already knew."

"When did you find out?"

Brian shrugged and checked his watch.  "An hour ago."

Nick nodded numbly.  "Life goes on, right?"

Brian nodded.  "Life goes on."

"So this is the end of Nick and JC?"

Brian nodded again.  "But it can be the beginning of something new."

Nick wiped a tear from his eye.  "Or the end of something wonderful."

"Was it wonderful?" Brian prompted.

Nick nodded.

The phone rang and Nick moved to pick it up, but Brian stopped him.  "Just
rest Nick, you need to sleep now.  I'll take care of it."

Brian reached to pick up the phone as Nick's eyes closed.

And Nick dreamed of JC.

*****

Hey, it's me.  How was it?  Good?  Bad?  Really shitty?  Let me know.  As
you hopefully figured out, JC's not dead, but I don't know whether to
continue this or not.  It's just a little thought I had and wanted to
share.