Date: Mon, 19 Feb 2001 03:06:29 +1100
From: AK W <curly_and_josh@hotmail.com>
Subject: Try walking in my shoes

Hi Guys and Gals, alright, firstly the legal crap: This story is about
certain N*SYNC band members, I don't know N*SYNC, nor am I writing on their
behalf. If I did know them, I know what I would want to do with them, and
writing does NOT even come into it. If you think this story is true, you
probably have a very vivid imagination and it's possible you need help.

Now that that is over, I need to tell you that I have no intention of
continuing this story any further, it is a bit too dark/depressing for me
to continue, and I don't do "dark" without it depressing the hell out of
me, I'm a happy kind of guy!  However if you want this story continued I'd
be happy to read any further additions to it and send them in if I like
them. The only reason I wrote this story was because of the lovely Miss
Willow, who is "self absorbed" (by her own admission) and has a "thing" for
Joey/Chris stories. Just personally Willow, I think you're ace and the self
absorbed thing is a front! My personal fave is Lance, so if the content is
a bit lacking I'm sorry, but I find it difficult to write about Joey,
because I just plain don't like him!  Enjoy!



"Hey Joe" Justin smiled, then added "Where you goin' with that gun in your
hand?" In an attempt to elicit even a slight smile from Joey

Joey didn't appear to venture far from his own private world to respond
with a sullen "Hey Just." Before continuing on his way down the hall.

It had been that way for about a month, ever since their tour in Germany.
Joey would spend all his time alone in his hotel room until he had to
appear for rehearsals or performances, which he only took half-heartedly

Last night, while talking with JC, Justin had concluded that maybe Joey was
mad at them because they left him out of a lot of the activities the rest
of the group enjoyed. This was by no means intentional, it was just that
Joey appeared not to be interested in the same activities as the others,
such as inline skating, basketball and clubbing.  Though accidental their
exclusion of Joey from the groups activities made Justin feel guilty.

The guys were currently in Australia for an album promotion, which involved
an all day signing at the Melbourne HMV store. After that they had a week
off before the Australian leg of their tour began. Justin and JC had
decided that, with or without Lance and Chris, they were going to use that
week to get closer to Joey.



"Wow, if all Australian girls look like that I'm not going home!" JC
stated, referring to the scores of scantily clad young girls who had lined
up to meet them at the signing that day.

"I know what you mean" Justin replied "Could they be wearing any less?

"YES!!!!" responded Lance quickly, inciting a laugh from everyone but Joey.

"Hey guys what do you say we hire a car tomorrow and check out a few of the
local attractions?" Justin asked hopefully, changing the subject of
conversation.

"Yeah sounds good." Replied JC enthusiastically, hoping to encourage the
others.

"Sounds OK to me." Lance agreed

"Yeah cool" Chris almost yelled "I've always wanted to know what it would
be like to drive on the other side of the road"

"Um, that's because you're a FREAK!" Justin teased "What do you think Joe?"

"Huh? What? Oh I dunno, I'll see how I feel in the morning." He responded
vaguely, causing Justin to scowl in confusion.

Throughout the conversation they had been in the back of their limousine on
the way back to the Hilton Hotel, the car now stopped, putting a stop to
any further conversation.

That night Justin and JC headed toward the room Chris and Lance were
sharing, which had only started since Germany, before that Joey and Chris
always shared a room.  They walked in to find Lance sitting on the lounge
with his feet on the coffee table watching TV.

"Hey guys you should see this, it's that crocodile hunter guy again, I
think he's cool!"  (the author thinks he's a moron and apologies for
inflicting him on unsuspecting Americans)

"That's great Lance" JC said absently "But we need to talk to you guys.
Where's Chris?"

"Chris is here!" he replied stepping out of the bathroom "This sounds
fairly serious." He stated.

"It is actually." Justin replied "Could you turn that off for a sec'
Lansten?"

Lance switched off the TV and they all sat around the small dining table in
the hotel room, Chris and Lance listening attentively.

"Have you guys noticed that Joey has been acting kinda weird and withdrawn
lately?" JC asked.

"Thank-you" Chris breathed with a sigh of relief, pushing back his chair
and standing up "I thought it was a big secret from me and you had all
noticed too but said nothing, it began in Germany and has gotten worse
since."

"Yeah we think it could be because we leave him out of stuff we all do."
Justin Added.

"Yeah but we like to do different things to him, it's not our fault." Lance
retorted defensively.

"It's nobody's fault, we just need your help to fix it, we want to make Joe
feel as much a part of the gang as you and I. That's why we want to do
stuff as a group this week, just to let him know we care." JC chastised

"Oh, OK, Sorry" Lance replied guiltily


Joey sat alone in his room. He could hear the voices of the other NSYNC'ers
in the next room. He wanted to go in there and tell them to stop talking
about him. To tell them he was fine and to leave him alone. He wanted to
but couldn't, because he knew that seeing them all worrying about him would
make him cry. He cried a lot these days.  Ever since the tour in
Germany. Joey had come to the conclusion a while ago that the most
important things in his life were the members of NSYNC and in particular
Chris.  He had incorrectly assumed that the rest of the band felt the same
way. He had made the group his life and had always visualized that Chris
would feel the same for him when he finally had the guts to tell Chris of
his feelings.  He had been prepared to do just that in Germany when he and
Chris had gone clubbing alone on their last night. Chris looked so hot in
his jeans and leather jacket that Joey had trouble keeping his eyes focused
on anything else. As soon as they entered the club Chris had gravitated
toward the nearest group of good looking girls and remained there all
night. Joey sat by himself demolishing bourbon after bourbon as the truth
slowly sank in.  CHRIS WAS NOT GAY.

Working out that their relationship was never going to be had destroyed
Joey.  The seams of his self-fabricated delusion were rapidly coming undone
and there was nothing he could do but cry. If he'd been wrong about Chris,
then he was probably wrong about the group being everybody else's life as
well. So now added to his loneliness he also felt stupid for assuming that
NSYNC were more than just a business arrangement.

Joey had slowly abandoned all of his old friends, not through any fault of
his own but because constant touring took its toll on even the tightest of
friendships, and his family wouldn't understand his feelings for Chris, or
his depression so he felt completely alone.

Over the past month or so Joey had tried everything to forget his problems,
but the mere sight, sound or thought of Chris gave him a dull ache in his
chest and a sorrow so deep he felt as though he'd never be happy again.

Joey turned toward the bar, which was (as always) fully stocked. Ever since
the group began touring they had gone first-class everywhere and made the
most of it.  But the hotel room bar, until recently, had been the one
luxury that went untouched. Joey took a bottle of red wine from the bar.

"Preece Cabernet Sauvignon? I'm no connoisseur but it looks expensive,
besides if it does the job..."

He opened the bottle quickly and took a glass in his other hand. He was
about to pour a glass when his hands began to shake. "AH to hell with it!"
he growled pitching the glass across the large suite, where it landed with
a loud explosion against the wall.  He upended the bottle downing over half
of its contents in one go.

"You OK in there Joe?" came JC's voice through the door.

"Fine why?" Joey asked curtly.  "Just heard something break that's all."

"I knocked a glass off the table." Joey lied

"OK, as long as you're alright, g'night Joe"

"Yeah right." Joey responded, then muttered "As if you'd care, as long as I
can still sing and dance and you're still making money."

Joey thought about the reactions of the others if they saw him drinking
like this. What would they say? He had a flash of guilt.

"I would tell you about the things they put me through the pain I've been
subjected to but the Lord himself would blush"

he sang mournfully

"The countless feasts laid at my feet forbidden fruits for me to eat but I
think your pulse would start to rush"

he took another long swig from the bottle.

"Now I'm not looking for absolution forgiveness for the things I do but
before you come to any conclusions Try walking in my shoes..."

He trailed off, breaking down and collapsing onto the carpet in despair.
"WHY ME?" he wailed pitifully into the carpet.


"Will you just leave me alone?" Joey mumbled as the phone rang again. He
looked at the clock, 8am. "Jesus" he croaked lifting his aching head.

"What?" he barked into the phone.

"Morning Joe" Justin oozed into the phone, apparently unfazed by Joeys
demeanor.  "I know you were probably sleeping, sorry" he continued quickly
"But you said you were thinking about coming with us to see the sights. I
just rang to say that the offer has been withdrawn, you're not invited
anymore."

"Really?" Joey replied, confused but secretly happy. The last thing he's
felt like doing today was spending a day with Chris and the others,
especially with a hangover the size of his.

"Yeah really" Justin laughed "The invitation has been rescinded and a
demand for your presence has been offered in its place!"

"Justy I can't" Joey moaned

"I thought you'd say that, so I've sent JC down to the front desk for a
spare key to your room, so we can drag your sorry ass out of bed!"

Panic hit Joey as he sat bolt upright in bed and surveyed the mess in his
room.  Empty bottles littered the small dining table, crisps and peanuts
littered the carpet.  "NO!" he almost yelled into the phone. "I mean its
OK." He covered "I'll come. I'll meet you in Chris and Lances room in ½
an hour," The guys could not find out about his drinking, then they'd know
for sure what was wrong and ask a lot of questions.

"I thought you'd see things my way dude." Justin giggled before hanging up.

Joey groaned. All he wanted to do was stay in bed all day and sleep. That
way he wouldn't have to think about Chris, or anybody for that matter.  He
dragged himself out of bed, gagging as he looked at the bottles on the
table.  After he had finished the wine last night he had gotten all dark
and moody as he always did when he drank. He had taken all of the miniature
bottles of spirits and lined them up in alphabetical order (difficult to do
after a bottle of wine) then preceded to drink them in that fashion, he
only made it to 'S' (for Smirnoff) before passing our cold.

At 8:30am the five guys met in Lance and Chris' room and studied a brochure
for the rental companies valet service. "It's got to look cool, I'm not
driving any car that doesn't look good" Lance stated

"UM, You're not driving a car at all, you're a maniac!" Justin replied
playfully

"Sorry we don't all drive like my Grandma!" Lance teased "What the hell is
a Holden anyway?" he stated tossing the brochure in the bin, "Let's go down
there, that way we can see what we're getting."

Until now Joey sat in the corner saying nothing, but now he stood up.

"I'm gonna be sick!" he muttered and ran for the bathroom.



An hour later Joey had convinced the guys that his illness had been the
result of taking cold and flu medication on an empty stomach, not the
aftermath of a mammoth binge- drinking session he'd conducted alone in his
room the night before. They were all seated, albeit uncomfortably, in a
small sports coupe.

"How come I have to sit in the back?" Lance complained

"Because you chose this foil covered shopping cart and if Justin and I have
to squeeze back here then so do you." JC explained plainly "What was wrong
with that 4X4? It'd have more room than this...thing!"

"This 'thing' is a 5 series BMW Joshua, I couldn't possibly be seen in
something as common as a 4X4." Lance replied, faking an air of superiority.

"A coupe might be cool Lance, but it's not too good for your knees." Chris
quipped as he rolled the passenger seat back and threw the backrest against
Lances knee-caps eliciting a yelp from Lance and a laugh from everyone
else, including Joey.  Joey had been waiting beside the passenger door for
Chris to get out when Chris positioned himself in the seat and turned
toward Joey smugly saying "Steering wheel is on the other side in Australia
Joe!"

Joey was confused momentarily, he hadn't expected to be driving. It
appeared that the rest of the group was willing to let him take control. As
long as he was sitting next to Chris he felt strangely good, so he was
willing to go with it for now.

"Where to guys?" Joey questioned brightly.

"Don't care dude, as long as we're back for the football match
tonight. I've always wanted to see a game of Australian Rules Football and
JC promised to take me tonight," Justin replied.

"Hey I got this brochure on bungee jumping from the hotel." Lance replied.
"We always talk about going, and they do it from a helicopter and all."

"Sounds cool!" Chris replied with an evil laugh.

"Yeah" said Justin excitedly

"Josh, Joe, what do you think?"

"Why not!" Joey replied, happy to do something that made Chris happy.


The day turned out to be a success. Joey's mood had Improved dramatically
throughout the day. Chris had turned to him for help because he'd been too
scared to bungee, so they did a tandem jump, which literally mad Joey
closer to Chris than he'd ever been.  They'd eaten at a nice restaurant and
spent the afternoon shopping and gambling at the casino.  They had gone as
a group to the football match Justin had wanted to see, Joey and Chris had
decided to follow the opposing team to the other 3 and when their team won
Chris gave Joey a bone-crushing cuddle. Joey had never felt so emotionally
close to Chris, and he was happier than he'd been in ages. When they
returned to their hotel they all said their goodnights and retired to their
rooms.

Joey's good mood quickly began to fade as soon as he was alone. He began to
picture Chris's baby-face in his mind. The partial goatee and un-kempt hair
that suited him perfectly. His impeccable dress sense (but anything would
look good on that body, no??)  and his totally care free attitude. When
Chris smiled his entire face lit up. It wasn't just these things that Joey
noticed, it was Chris's apparent unawareness to the fact that he was the
sexiest and most loveable guy Joey had ever met that made him more special.
He was everything Joey wanted but could never have.

"God I want him!" Joey sobbed "Why can't he just want me too? Why can't
life be easy?"

"Morality would frown upon Decency look down upon The scapegoat fate has
made of me But I promise now my judge and jurors My intentions couldn't
have been purer My case is easy to see."

By the time he had showered and changed for bed he felt the familiar urge
to cry again...


OK. There it was. Now this is where the inattentive ones of you are
expecting to see the words "I hope you enjoyed it, I'll write more later"
Well guess what? Had you have read the intro you would know that unless you
write it yourself you get NOTHING!  HA! So you'd better start writing. I
want to hear nothing vulgar, offensive or insulting, especially if its
about moi. I'd also like to keep the dark mood of the piece going, just
because I think it's an interesting writing style. See how you go folks,
send any submissions/ideas to Curly_and_Josh@hotmail.com unless they
involve acts of depravity my lovely fiance (female) can't read. Save them
for your therapist! AKW

BTW:- The song is called "Try walking in my shoes" and its by "Depeche
Mode" I'm not sure if I need this for legal reasons, but if anybody didn't
know that, or doesn't own a copy of that song in any format, don't tell me
or I'll cry.