Date: Wed, 18 Sep 2002 07:44:10 +0100 (GMT Daylight Time)
From: David Grimstone <grimstone@btinternet.com>
Subject: Two Way Conversation

'Two Way Conversation' by DCG

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DISCLAIMER
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Here we go again...This in no way insinuates anything about anyone in any
circumstance and should not be read by those banned by law and those who
don't for one reason or another like this stuff...It's man on man 'stuff'
by the way!!(By the way...this is an NSync story...how could it be anything
else...)

Authors Notes: Hey there everyone. As my internet connection failed me for
the last 8 weeks I thought I'd put a little story together for you
all...This thing as been ringing through my head since 31st Jan (JRT's
B'Day) and now I have come to point of putting it down in words...This is
only gonna be a 5 chapter thingimibob so enjoy it while it lasts... that's
unless you all like `totally' want me to continue it!! lol


Anyhoo...enjoy!

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'Two Way Conversation'
by DCG

From a crystal lake upon mountain high
To the lowest cut of the fresh green grass
You and me are twinned by heart...

Chapter 1 - Monday the 28th - 'Born on a Monday'

The afternoon was a hot one and Justin revelled in it. He was asleep on the
back lawn of the house the band had rented in LA for a few weeks. It was
January the 28, a Monday and his 21st birthday was fast approaching. He had
come to a conclusion some weeks ago that his birthday would herald a new
beginning, for him and someone else. He so wanted that new beginning to be
a good one, one that the other person would grasp on to and hold like it
was more important than life itself. But that was the stumbling block for
him. He had for years held a torch for this person, his one and only, but
had never acted upon it. He saw him every day but never once succumbed to
the temptation. His friendship was far too important to Justin for him to
jeopardize it. But that was three years ago, and the days were getting
longer and his willpower was fading by the second. Justin went as far as to
find excuses now and again to be away from him. He didn't want to be away
from his side, but he couldn't stand being next to it either, without being
able to hold his hand to his own and feel the warmth and love that laid
therein. He knew this didn't go down well with him. They survived on each
others happiness. That was one of the reasons for their closeness, and the
friendship that developed. Because they spent most of their formative years
in the public eye and away from home they lacked the family togetherness a
natural family brought, and this brought on sadness, especially for
Justin. So they kept together, they were and still are considered
inseparable because one gives the other happiness, and they feed off each
other. It isn't and never was as selfish as it sounds, they would give each
other anything. At least Justin has thought they would, because he didn't
know if his true love would.

Justin awoke several hours later and realized the sun had begun it's
descent into the horizon. The day was drawing to a close and the fact that
he had done absolutely nothing of any constructive value that day put a
smile on his face. It took him a moment before it registered with him that
the others were still not around. They have gone off at varying times
during the day to do their own things, with other people. It grated with
Justin slightly that they chose to leave him at home alone, but then he
knew that he was being selfish for even thinking it. The selfishness he
couldn't avoid was the that he felt towards JC. Their inseparability was a
key to their relationship and JC wasn't there. He knew that they were
getting older and Justin didn't need or require JC's guidance, as the world
saw, but to Justin, he would always need that closeness, that camaraderie,
that love, the love he always thought of inside.

He wandered into the house and sat down on the sofa, not thinking to check
the house for other people. His mind was cluttered with all manner of
thoughts and that one didn't pop into his mind at all, so he was startled
when Lance coughed lightly to signal his presence...

Justin jumped slightly but quickly settled back into his thoughts once he
knew it was only Lance. Lance perched on the edge of the sofa and looked
down on Justin.

"You look like your in another world there Justin!"

It took a moment for Justin to drag himself from within his thoughts to yet
again speak to Lance "Am I?...sorry, just thinking." answered Justin making
it perfectly clear to Lance that he wasn't all there, that his mind was
completely on other things...

Justin picked up the remote and turned on the TV, and tuned it MTV. The
edition of the MTV news was on, and it caught Justin's attention straight
away. His face drained of all feeling and emotion instantaneously. His jaw
dropped slightly as if his mind couldn't process what his eyes were
seeing. The remote control slowly slipped through Justin's grip and glided
over his fingers until it reached fresh air and fell to the floor. The
clatter of it hitting the floor shook Lance from his thoughts as he
continued to stare at Justin, trying to work him out. He immediately
followed Justin's unmoving gaze to the TV screen and the distant voice of
Carson Daly and his associates as he relayed the news. It took a moment for
it to register, but when it did, his gaze was also unmoving...

Lance felt some sort of pride for a moment as he looked on at the scene
developing in front of his eyes on TV. Justin, felt feelings that were
teetering on the other edge, they were feelings of regret, disgust, and
above all, envy. For on screen, for all the viewing world to see was JC,
their friend and brother, embracing, kissing, 'with', another person. He
was with Bobbie, the Bobbie people had always said he was with without
asking any questions. She was beautiful and debonair. She was everything
Lance expected her to be, because he knew JC deserved to be loved by
someone like her. She was everything Justin despised. She was beautiful, he
considered himself not. She was loved, he was not. She was with JC, he was
not, and that was what grated at his psyche the most. She had got to the
core of Joshua Scott Chasez, and he hadn't.

Justin sat for a few more moments, staring at the screen, trying to
convince himself that it wasn't real, but as much as he tried, the more it
reinforced the truth. JC was with someone else. But those few moment passed
quickly and Justin couldn't help himself. He leapt off the Sofa and headed
up the stairs to his room for some peace and quiet, and for some time to
think. Time to think about himself, his future, and how he would react to
JC when he returned.

His exit caught Lance off guard as he turned his attention away from the
subsequent news that was featured on the programme. All he saw was the back
of Justin turn the corner at the top of the stairs and go out of
sight. Lance didn't read anything into this...for he didn't see the tears
streaking down Justin's cheeks as he made his way to the stairs, and as he
ascended them to his private place...to think.

Once there Justin stopped at the edge of his bed. For years he had held
this torch for this one person. he had held this love for JC for years and
always thought that it might come true. He had never prepared himself for
the fall though. he hadn't prepared himself for the possibility that JC was
straight, and not interested. With this fact spilling into Justin's mind he
let his knees give way, and his feelings and fell to the soft cushion of
his bed and sobbed uncontrollably into the sheets... "I can't have him!"
exclaimed Justin in a whimper as he then buried his face deeper into the
covers...

Across the city JC had a phone to his ear, and awaited a reply... The
snippet of news blazoned across the screens of millions had been an hour
before and JC looked edgy. His eyes occasionally darted from one thing to
another, from a passing bus, to a stranger casting a glance his
way. Everything that moved seemed to catch his attention as the ringing
tone of the call continued through his ears...

"Yeah, mom it's me, can we talk?"

"I saw you on TV today Josh, I saw you with Bobbie, kissing!" stated Karen
in a motherly tone. JC flinched at her statement of the obvious. His glance
shot to another stranger passing by.

"I know, I think everyone knows now. They all think me and Bobbie are back
together." stated JC, his voice cracking slightly. Telling himself this,
out aloud again didn't help but to reinforce the truth.

"Son, they didn't know you had already broken up with her...They don't know
everything, only me, you and Bobbie know everything..."

"But she kissed me!" said JC, his frustration increasing, the sweat across
his brow multiplying

"I can tell that in the pictures...Don't worry, we've covered this
already...I know it doesn't look like what it seems..." reassured Karen to
her distraught Son. She could sense the fear in his tone. And more
importantly, she knew why.

"Thanks Mom...Thanks for making it seem better. Do you think..." JC was
about to ask before Karen interrupted him... "Yes...always yes.!" finished
Karen and a smile as wide as an ocean top appeared across JC's face... "I
love you mom, bye" "Bye Josh!"

Across LA, Joey and Chris were enjoying one of their usual afternoon jaunts
around the attractions that this city had to offer. They had been `at it'
for hours on end and the inevitable boredom was beginning to seep in. The
sights of the city, that in the morning had delighted and amazed them, had
now become somewhat of a bore. They had visited this city many times before
and although they liked it very much, the novelty wore off after a
while. Chris perched himself on the edge of his car and awaited Joey's
return from the restroom.

Moments later Joey exited the public convenience with a decidedly bemused
look plastered across his face. He looked spaced out as he approached the
car, not noticing Chris or anything else around him for a short while.

"Earth to Joe, wake up Joe!" Exclaimed Chris as he waved his hand
animatedly in front of Joey' eyes...

Joey then suddenly snapped out of daze and looked at Chris. "You are not
gonna believe what I just heard!"

"Go on, you know you wanna tell me." laughed Chris, knowing Joey wouldn't
be able to keep it to himself. At this point they both decided silently
that they would get in the car...

"I just saw JC on the TV and he was with Bobbie!" stated Joey as if that
was all that needed to be said...

"And? He has hung around with her before!" asked Chris

"No, he was *with* her!" finished Joey, and Chris got it! His face
contorted into complete surprise.

"Yeah, but I thought that..." started Chris. "Me too!" finished Joey, and
with that they sped off with questions buzzing in their mind that only JC
could answer.

The darkness had almost enveloped the surrounding city and Joey and Chris
had just parked up in the drive. Only two cars apart from their own perched
in the driveway. They were Justin's and Lance's...They had both expected JC
to have returned by now, at least to try and explain what everyone had seen
on TV. But then it dawned on Joey, he couldn't explain it, at least not to
Justin and Lance. Joey and Chris knew JC's secret, and the reasons behind
his split with Bobbie. No-one knew that they knew but they did. It was two
years previous and they were both horsing around as usual in the back
garden of Justin's house in Orlando. The sun was beaming down hot rays and
the guys were enjoying a soak in the pool, all except for JC. He was on the
phone, upstairs. Chris happened to glance the way of the bedroom window to
which JC was in and saw him, perched on the sill, phone in hand, having a
very heated and emotional conversation with somebody. Chris shot Joey a
look, and Joey followed Chris' gaze until he saw himself. They paused a
moment before making their excuses and exiting the pool and going into the
house. They alighted the stairs and stood outside the room to which JC was
having the conversation. The strained to listen as the voice within the
room became shallower and less easy to hear and understand...Chris and Joey
looked at each other for a moment to try and gauge if the other had
happened to hear something they missed, but they each shrugged their
shoulders, and it was met with...

"Bobbie...I'm Gay!" coming from the mouth of JC, in the room. Joey and
Chris froze like statues there and then. The ability to move had evaded
them as they continued to stare at each other. 'JC's gay?' was the
prevailing though running around and around inside their mind...That was
until it was shattered with a loud thump and a muffled cry...

Back in the present, Joey and Chris made their way inside and walked
straight into an icy room. They could feel the coldness of the surroundings
as they opened the front door and made their way into a room filled with
their three band mates, the rest of their brotherhood. Justin sat alone, on
a love seat, looking at nothing but empty space in front of his eyes. Lance
sat next to JC and looked uncomfortable as he shifted his gaze from JC to
Justin, not knowing quite what to do. JC sat, like Justin, in silence. His
day had been one to mark on the calendar as one to forget, but he knew it
wouldn't be that easy. His gaze met with the floor, fearing that if he
raised it, he would have to explain the redness that had appeared around
his eyes. He also feared explaining his liaison with Bobbie to Justin, and
to rest of the guys. Even though at the back of his mind, he knew they
considered it a normal thing, and something to celebrate, but not for him,
not for JC...it was something to dread.

Silence prevailed for a moment until Joey and Chris saw Lances' shoulders
visibly lighten as he saw them enter. It was as if a huge weight had been
lifted off his shoulders with them being there.

"You took your time guys." laughed Lance as he tried to break the icy
atmosphere that had trapped the room...

Joey was about to sit down when Chris pulled on his elbow and motioned to
Lance for him to follow his lead. "Give me a hand in the kitchen guys, I
think it's our turn to cook!" said Chris as he searched for an excuse to
speak to Joey and Lance without Justin and JC. Cooking was not the best
idea in the world because he rarely did it, but he had said it already so
he would have to live with it.

Both Justin and JC raised their heads slightly at the comment, both with
the same thought running through their heads `Cooking? Chris?', but as they
turned back away from their exiting friends they met each others
gaze...Those few fleeting moments felt like an eternity. Both men felt a
twang of emotion run through their eyes and minds as this moment
continued... Justin felt both betrayed and alone...but he also felt
guilt. JC didn't know of Justin's feelings and shouldn't feel bad about it
either, but Justin couldn't help these overwhelming feelings deep
inside. JC felt nothing but pure guilt. He had betrayed his feelings
towards Justin. He was in love with Justin, wholeheartedly, and he let
Bobbie violate them. It wasn't his fault really, because he didn't see it
coming and he didn't instigate it, but he felt the guilt anyway, and it was
something he couldn't shake...

As those moments passed, they both looked away...back to their oh so
interesting floors and ceilings. No communication having been made between
these two best friends and no communication attempted, leaving them both
alone together in silence.

In the kitchen Chris walked to the cooker and stopped, and turned around to
see a bemused Lance and a cooking ready Joey.

"What are we having then?" questioned Joey, completely oblivious to Chris'
intentions...

"You never cook, so it can't be a simple as that!" pointed out Lance, who
being the logical and thinky person of the group, now knew that something
was the matter. Having spent the last hour before their arrival sat between
2 uncommunicative best friends had made him see that. And the fact that
Chris excluded them both from this only served to increase the fact...

"Take Justin somewhere Lance." ordered Chris...His voice was strong and
authoritarian, and it took both Lance and Joey aback. But Lance knew to go
and do what he was asked to do. Whenever Chris got into this sort of mood,
you could do no worse than to defy his will.

"You need to talk to JC?" questioned Lance. He was completely oblivious to
the reasons, he just wanted clarification...

"Yeah, and it would be best if Justin wasn't about." answered Chris.

"Ok then, I'll take him out for a few hours, to a club or something, but I
want an explanation when we get back." followed up Lance. He hated being
outside the `loop' as far as information was concerned. He prided himself
on knowing everything about everything, that would affect these five
guys...It was a task he took to naturally. He was also concerned that
Justin was being excluded...but for what he reason he was yet to find
out...

Chris just said `ok' and Lance left...a muffled conversation was heard in
the background as Lance somehow managed to coax Justin out without JC
tagging along. Chris maintained his stance for a moment. Random thoughts
were running through his mind. He wasn't used to this fatherly role that
circumstance had forced upon him, but he was going to do what he could
anyway. He looked at Joey and laughed inside. Joey was looking straight at
him, with a questioning look in his eyes. Joey was never the most forward
thinking of individuals, but even Chris had to admit that Joey was right
when he demanded that they tell JC they knew all that time ago. But now
wasn't the time to think about the past and Chris knew that.

"I think we better go talk to JC." uttered Chris to Joey as he made a
beeline for the door...

Meanwhile, in Lance's car...Justin had finally had enough. Lance had
dragged him out of the house to go `clubbing' but had invited no-one
else. He hadn't spoken at all yet and that just wasn't like Lance.

"Are you gonna tell me what's going on here Lance?" questioned Justin

"Just felt like going out that all." answered Lance. Justin knew straight
away something was awry. Lance never had no reason for going somewhere. It
was like a military operation to Lance, everything. Even clubbing as a
social activity had some constructive undercurrent to Lance. It might help
with PR, or the group were getting tired of the schedule so needed a
release, or whatever...There was never a `just felt like going out' line in
Lances vocabulary.

But Justin didn't follow it up, he just shrugged acceptance and sat back in
his seat. Lance moments later leaned forward and clicked on the radio and
it immediately tuned to the local radio station. It was a late night
discussion programme...and the topic couldn't have been worse...

`Well now listeners...we have been inundated with calls regarding a little
news segment on MTV today. I hope everyone got to see it.'

`We'll be going to callers in a minute but lets hear what the NSync manager
Johnny Wright had to say on MTV today in response to this story...'

All the could be heard in the small gap between segments was the large
intake of breath from Justin. He had just put this to one side after
spending the majority of the last couple of hours crying to himself in his
room. This night out with Lance, however dubious, would give him the
ability to forget it for a while, or at least not to dwell on it. But he
knew what was coming...he knew what Johnny was going to say before he even
said it. He was going to do what every manager would do in his
situation. He wasn't going to confirm it, but he wasn't going to deny it
either...Justin waited for what seemed like an eternity as the tape clicked
on with Johnny words encased within...For Lance it was a mere second...

'I cannot comment on JC's personal life. I think everything was there for
people to see, don't you. I doubt there is much I could add. (laughs) I
doubt people would believe me if I said it weren't true now would
they?...All I can say is, there are other availables in the band (laughs,
again)...so don't abandon them just yet.'

And the tape clicked off and that was it. That was the sucker punch for
Justin. Johnny had always been the best of managers, making sure the band
got the best of everything they could. He always made sure that they got
the exposure they required and they had the creative freedom they desired
when they joined JIVE records. But right now, that didn't matter to
Justin. His career was always a high priority, but over the years it
increasingly took second place to his feelings for JC, until recently where
it exclusively took second place behind those same feelings...Justin had
more than enough money to keep himself comfortable for the rest of his
life, so that wasn't a good enough reason to put career above JC. He had
already experienced a lifetimes worth of emotions, and he had certainly
taken and used his inflated fifteen minutes of fame, so that wasn't a good
enough reason to put it above JC either...

"Way to go Johnny!" laughed Lance as he rejoiced in Johnny's apparent
change in tactic. In the past, relationships were considered the devils
battleground as far as the music industry and Johnny Wright were
concerned. So now Lance saw a change, a laxing of the rules, and he was
happy for JC, really happy. He thought Justin would be to...that's until he
turned to Justin, the smile still plastered across his own face to see a
tear...a small but glistening tear glide it's way down his cheek, and with
that, the smile on Lances' face disappeared completely...But he didn't say
anything...not a word...he turned the radio off, he returned his gaze to
the road and continued driving, making a note to talk to Justin...and try
and get him to make it a two way conversation...as they made their merry
way to the club...

Back in the house, Chris and Joey had made their way back to the living
room to see JC not there...They looked around for a moment before coming to
conclusion that JC was nowhere to bo found...

"I'll go check upstairs for him...you wait here?" asked Joey as they stood
in the center of the room...

Chris just nodded and sat down, dejectedly on the sofa...Joey meanwhile
started to make his way up the stairs to JCs room, where he was sure he
would be. Joey had deliberately suggested he go up and find JC...Joey had
for all that time, suggested that they (him and Chris) tell JC about what
they knew, but Chris was a strong willed person when he wanted to be, and
Joey found himself unable to fight him, or atleast convince him to do the
right thing. This was the opportunity Joey had waited for. He knew how
Chris would handle it, he would be overbearing about it...it was just how
Chris was, and Joey didn't hold anything against him for it, far from
it. But this wasn't the time for an overbearing, father figure to tell you
what to do and tell you what to feel...

Joey reached JCs door and it was partially open. He looked past the ridge
of light to see JC stood at the window looking outwards into the night
sky...his head fixed on the moon and it's splendour. Joey silently made his
way into the room, and made his way to JCs side, and put his hand on JCs
shoulder, as a silent sign of support. Joey could see that JC didn't want
words to echo through the void, and if he did, JC himself would be the
first person to break that silence...

JC felt the hand and knew that his secret would have to come out now or he
would crumble under the pressure...He knew it probably looked unusual for
someone to look this down, the same day they had been with someone like
Bobbie...but like he had kept telling himself for the past few
hours...Bobbie wasn't for him, no woman was...no man was...only Justin, but
he didn't know if he could tell anyone...A look of confusion and
apprehension crossed his face as he turned his head halfway to meet the
gaze of Joey...

Joey saw the look and knew...He could see JC wanting to tell him, but he
could see the words retreating back into JC every time he tried...Joey
decided to take the initiative, to cease the moment, to life the fear of
rejection from JC's shoulders...

"You don't need to tell me JC." reassured Joey

"I've got to tell someone..." pleaded JC as his eyes began clouding up...

"You don't need to tell me...I've known for a while!" finalised Joey as he
turned JC towards him...He looked directly into JC's eyes and
continued... "Me and Chris know your gay JC...We've known for a while...I
think I've always known..." JC suddenly tried to break into the speech but
Joey merely placed a finger over JC's lips and gestured him to listen...and
Joey continued... "and no, you don't need to worry yourself...cause your
one of my four best friends and you always will be...We knew the Bobbie
thing was a put on by her, she's like that...she always has been"

JC shoulders visibly lightened. He didn't know how Joey and Chris had found
out, but right now he didn't care. All he cared about was that he was ok,
and accepted. Joey was still stood in-front of JC with his hand still
perched comforting on JC's shoulder...and JC took this as his opportunity
and grabbed hold of Joey and hugged him tightly... "Thank-you Joe...thanks"
whispered JC into Joeys receptive ear

Joey pulled back after a few minutes to see JC wipe his eyes dry of the
small trickle of happy tears that had graced his cheeks...

"Now we just have to figure out how to get you and Justin together!"...Said
Joey, to no-one but himself...

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There we go...Monday 28th January...and JC's feelings finally get
aired...but what will happen when Tuesday comes around? What will happen to
Justin at the Club? What will Joey concoct for JC? How will Lance react
when he finds out the truth? Do I wish I was in-between the bitch-slapping
going on between Brit and Justin in that LA nightclub??? (only the sadistic
bit!! lol)

I hope chapter 1 was a pleasant diversion...and I hope you will all click
and type me and email to give me encouragement and feedback...(whether it
be good or bad I don't mind!!)

Just a note that Chapter 7 of Sins & Saviors is still going strong but will
be a while before it is out unfortunately...I suspect at-least a week
before it reaches that fab David at Nifty...so please be patient!!

Chap 2 by the way will be out tomorrow or the day after!!

Luv and Hugs and email !! (grimstone@btinternet.com)

DCG