Date: Wed, 11 Jul 2001 20:10:08 -0700 (PDT) From: Enis R. <enis1220@yahoo.com> Subject: What I Want Is What I've Got Chapter 8(Gay/Celeb/BoyBand) DISCLAIMER: This story is FICTION. This is not a reflection on the Backstreet Boys, Westlife, and Boyzone or their sexuality. This is a gay story, I don't know them , and don't know anything about their sexual preference. It is complete fiction and should not be taken seriously just merely a source of entertainment. This has a homosexual theme so if you are offended by this go see another story more appropriate for your taste. Note: This story will not be nsync friendly. What I Want Is What I've Got By: Enis Chapter 8 Westlife's Point Of View "What is going on in the Backstreet Room?" Markus says leaning against the wall trying to hear the muted screaming. "I don't know Markus, maybe they are arguing about how nosey you are, or maybe about how flaming gay you are!" Kian says laughing. "Leave Markus alone Kian, I'm sure it's nothing they are probably just yelling over something very minuscule and Kian honey leave him alone, he's not as obvious as you used to be" "I was never obvious, I was always very discreet about my "gayness". You just got flirted with cause you were so damn cute." Kian says pecking Bryan on the cheek. "Don't flatter me, and yes you were obvious. Every guy that walked by you would check out. You would go out of your way to look at guys, so don't say you weren't obvious. I'm surprised everyone in the whole world doesn't know your gay." All the guys in Westlife start laughing at Kian. "Hey stop laughing! I'm not flamboyant, I don't go around flirting with everyone that even glances my way. I wonder who does that (sarcastically) maybe his name is Bryan." The guys by now are all on the floor laughing hysterically. "I don't flirt with everybody, I'm true to you!" Everyone saw the fight was going for the worst, so they all file out before getting involved. "Please Bryan you will flirt with anything and you even do it in front of me, like I'm nothing." Kian says his voice raising more and more. "That's just so no one will find out. Ronan told us to be discreet about our relationship. I'm only doing that so no one gets suspicious. I only have eyes for you Kian, don't get upset with me. I'm only doing this to keep us safe." Bryan says walking to Kian trying to hug him. "I just don't want to end up like Stephen and have to come out cause someone finds out about us. Would it be so bad to just come out on our own terms?" Kian says starting to get teary eyed. " I think we should wait until we get a little more popular, we owe it to the guys, we are not the only one's in this group. Don't worry about it sweetie, I'll make sure you never have to go through what Stephen had to go through." Bryan pulls Kian into his arms, rubbing his back. "Baby I'll always love you no one else." Bryan pulls Kian's face to his and places his lips on his. Kian moans into the kiss. Bryan pulls back and pulls Kian closer to him hugging him tightly Shane and Nickay's Room: Nickay is sitting on Shane's lap on the bed kissing him and trying to arouse him. "Nickay we have to get ready!" Shane says trying to pull away from Nickay. "So we'll be a little late come on lets just have some fun. You know you want to I can feel you getting aroused." Nickay unzips Shane's pants and pulls his boxers down to reveal Shane's cock. "See I knew you wanted this your all excited for me. Little Shane is big and happy and needs attention." Nickay sits on the floor and lick's Shane's cock teasing him. "Mmmm... Nickay that feels so good, Oh but we can't do this we are gonna be late and what if we.... we..... we..... oh god do that again." Nickay giggles and goes back to sucking on the head of Shane's penis, using his tongue to push on the vein driving Shane wild. "Nickay.... oh..... my.... god..... that.... feels....... so .............good!" Nickay lets go of Shane's cock and pulls off all of their clothes and pushes Shane back on the bed laying on top of him and kisses him. "Nickay we really shouldn't be doing this Ronan will kill us if we are late this is our first big gig, Please stop!" Nickay pulls his head up from kissing Shane's chest. "Do you really want me to stop? Please Shane you know you want this. You know you like when I do this, forget about Ronan he's busy with Steo." Nickay goes back to licking Shane's nipples, Shane let's out a loud moan. "Mmmm... Nickay.... please we have to stop, we have to get ready. Come on stop, I promise I will make it up to you after the show I swear, but you really have to stop." "Okay but you better make it up to me when we get home." Nickay gets up and dresses watching carefully Shane's movements while getting dressed. Shane pulls Nickay into a hug then kisses him before going back to his room to take a cold shower. Nickay has to take one as well but really needs to talk to Stephen. He takes a quick 5 minute shower, then runs over to Ronan's room. "Nickolas Bernard James Adam Byrne why aren't you getting ready?" "Sorry Ronan, but I really need to talk to Steo." Nickay says trying to look past Ronan's figure closing the door slightly. "Erm... he's ..... a....... sleeping..... right now." Ronan says a little nervous. "Ronan your a horrible liar, and by the way your shirt is backwards, just tell Stephen whenever you two are done, I need to talk to him. I'll be in my room." Nickay walks back to his room and tries to find a nice outfit to wear to the venue and one that would totally get Shane's attention. One that would get Shane all hot and bothered, to tease him for making him stop the fun. Kian and Bryan's Room: "Kian are you mad at me?" "For the millionth time Bryan, I am not mad at you. I just don't feel like talking right now." "But.... your avoiding me and I know it. Sweetie I only love you. Nothing will change that. I just don't want our image ruined, we have to be presented as straight, believe me everytime I flirt with a girl, all I'm thinking about is how I could be spending my time better by being with you." Bryan goes into the bathroom hoping on the counter watching Kian shave. "Sweetie please pay attention to me." "What the hell do you want from me, do you want me to cut myself shaving is that what you want leave me the hell alone! Go bother someone else for a little while until I'm done in the bathroom!" "Geez, what is your problem? If I didn't know you were a man I would be thinking you had P.M.S., cause you sure do have a nasty attitude today with me!" Bryan says walking out of the bathroom. "Well isn't that convenient for you, cause that's what you treat me like A WOMAN!. I'm always the one getting fucked, I'm always trying to plan a head to have something special planned for us. Heaven forbid we should be equal in this bloody relationship!" Kian says walking closer and closer to Bryan with the razor in his hands. " Wow calm down Ki, put the razor down! Is this what this is about you think I'm treating you like a woman in the relationship. We are equal you just always want to be the bottom. I would plan something special for us but you always do it, you never give me a chance." "Oh PLEASE! Did you ever once ask me if maybe I would like to fuck you. NO! you don't! you always assume I want to be the bottom. You probably wouldn't even want me to fuck you, because then you would feel like less of a man wouldn't you !?" "That is totally not it. If you had told me you wanted to do that, I would. I have no problem with being the bottom. Our relationship should be equal. I love you Kian. I would do anything for you and don't ever doubt that you and I belong together, and no one is ever gonna change that." "Oh Bryan don't give me that horseshit love crap, you always pull on me. It's not gonna work anymore. I'm not gonna fall for it anymore. I'm through with you and your bullshit." "No Kian! don't say that!. I need you, you can't leave me. Please! I'll do whatever you want. I won't look at anyone else if you want. Please Kian! don't be like this. If you had a problem with our relationship, you should have told me, I would do anything for you Kian, I LOVE YOU!. That is no bullshit. I really do! You have to believe me Kian, we can't be breaking up. You mean to much to me please KIAN!" Bryan says trying to hold onto Kian. Kian begins to walk away. Going into the bathroom to get changed. "I don't want to discuss it now Bryan. We will talk after the concert. Now go get ready. "No! we are gonna settle this now, because if we don't it's gonna effect our performance and guys do not need that when we are trying to get a fan base and especially when we are in our home country. We have to for the rest of Westlife to resolve this right now." "Bryan!........ fine do you want to know my problem? (Kian let's out a big sigh) I don't want to be another one of your conquests. I love you, I do, I always have from the beginning. I even picked you out of all those hopefuls cause I liked you, but you changed since then. You flirt with people right in front of me. Yeah it may mean to you that you are keeping our image but to me. To me Bryan I see the look you give them and it hurts in here. (Kian clasps his heart) The one I know as desire and lust is the look you give them. You push me aside for other people. Even in front of our friends you treat me like crap. Bryan I just want to be in a relationship were the person makes me feel like I'm wanted. I don't want a relationship were I feel like shit. I'm not a woman Bryan. I'm not gonna sit there and take all your shit. Unless we have an equal relationship and you keep your hormones in check and you start treating me with the respect I deserve, I will not be with you. Now excuse me, I'm gonna move my stuff into the other room that is not occupied. Good-bye Bryan. I will see you at the concert." Kian grabs his bags not daring to look up at Bryan. He hides his tears, and walks out the door. Bryan closes the door behind him, not moving from his spot just watching the door. The tears begin to fall from his eyes, realizing what he has lost. He sits on the bed hugging Kian's pillow to his chest, the sobs just wrecking his whole body. Shane, Nickay, and Markus come running into the room, to see what is the matter with Bryan. The guys have never seen Bryan cry, they are all shocked to see him like this. "Bryan........Bry........ Baby Bryan........... hey man what happened?" Nickay says sitting next to him and pulling him into a hug. "We.......we........... he.........he............. he bro........... bro..............broke up with me." Bryan can barely get the words out before choking up and getting worse with the sobs. "I'm sorry Bryan..... but can you really blame him? I mean you did treat him really badly." Shane says sitting on the other side of Bryan. "I know.......but I ........ I love him. I don't want to loose him. He means to much to me, I would do anything for him. I can't loose him, please guys you gotta help?" Bryan says looking hopefully about at the boys. "What do you expect us to do? Don't expect us to make you look like the good guy because we won't" Markus says not wanting to get in the middle of his friends lovers quarrel. "No I don't want you to do that. Look I know that this hard for you guys because your friends with both of us. I don't want you to get involved , just..... tonight let me sing a solo and I'll dedicate it to Kian please?" Bryan says trying to wipe away y all the tears. "Okay but, If Kian comes after us we are using you as a body vest." Shane says giving Bryan a light hug. "You can. I'll do anything to get him back, I really do love him and don't want anyone else. He's the first person I ever loved and He's the only person for me." Bryan says looking somber at his friends. "Well you better prove that to him before you loose him for good. Don't push the matter either, you know how Kian hates to be pushed into a decision." " I won't Nickay, I'll just sing to him tonight, and hope for the best. Thank you guys this means a lot to me." The guys all hug Bryan and leave him alone to think. MARKUS: `Man I hope Bryan patches things up with Kian. Those two belong together. They were made for each other the way they act. I wish I had someone. Maybe, I have a chance with Brian........ He did confess he was gay. Yeah but, he probably has taste, he would never go for someone like me. I'm so pathetic, I can't get anyone to even look at me interestingly. I'll never have someone to love. The ugly one never gets the love. I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life.' Markus goes into his room and changes settling down on his bed. Holding his teddy bear and thinking about all the trouble he's had with love in his life, wondering what was so wrong with him that no one likes him. Someone knocks on the door so he gets up to answer. "Hey Markus, do you have the single for Flying Without Wings? I need to hear Everybody Knows." "Yeah sure Bryan hold on a sec and I'll get it for you." Markus says already rummaging through his bag. "Cheers Mark." Bryan says walking into the room and looking around. He spots something on the bed of interest. "Mark you still have this ratty old bear with you, aren't you ashamed to be seen with this?" "Hey leave my security alone, it's the only thing I've loved and didn't run the other way." Markus says grabbing the bear out of Bryan's hands. "Oh Mark..... don't beat yourself up over love you still young. You'll find someone who is perfect for you. No one could ever resist your charm and beautiful singing voice." "Bryan 12 year old screaming fans don't count. I don't want to be locked up as a pedophile. Anyway they only like the stage Mark, they don't know the real me. I need someone who loves me for me. Let's face it though whenever they see the real me. They will run the other way. Remember I'm the ugly on with the bad teeth and goofy grin" "Oh Mark don't listen to those pre-pubescent girls, they don't know what they are talking about. They don't know how nice you are, how handsome you are, how completely unselfish you are, and how amazingly talented you are. Don't ever think your not good enough, your better than a lot of people and any guy should be happy to be with you." "Here take the cd and stop hassling me. I don't need anyone to butter me up, I need someone to love me and let's face it, that's not gonna happen anytime soon." Bryan moved over to the door about to leave but turned back to Markus. "You know if it means anything I love you, not in that sense because I love Kian more than anything. But I love you in the sense of a friend and someone who's become like a brother to me. You should never let anyone put you down and never let anyone tell you, your not good enough because you are. I hate for someone like you to put yourself down so much, you don't deserve it. Mark don't think about finding someone, just let that someone come to you. That's how I got Kian." Bryan says leaving the room, leaving Markus to think about what he has said. `How can I let love come to me? Bryan may not have been looking for love, but Kian was at the time. So no matter what someone in the relationship has to be looking for love. Why am I so obsessed with love? It doesn't help that I have to sing about it everyday, but why am I so set on getting someone. I'm still young, I don't need anyone right now. It would be nice though to be with Bryan. He's so cute and he's nice to me. He doesn't have the disgusted look on him when he sees me. He is gay, so that's a start, but he's probably only being nice to me cause he feels sorry for me. I hate myself I really do. Maybe I should get plastic surgery then maybe people will like me. Ronan might kill me, but maybe it would be worth it. Great now I'm crying.' Someone knocks on Markus' door. "Whoever it is go away I don't want to talk to anyone." "Markus Michael Patrick Feehily open this bloody door this instant." "Coming Ronan." Markus says making his way over to the door and opening it. He walks back to his bed plopping down on it. "It's not Ronan Markus, it's Steo. And you have to be pretty out of it if you thought it was him. What's the matter Mark, why are you crying?" Stephen says sitting by Mark. "It's nothing Steo, I'm just homesick. Don't worry about me I'll get over it." Markus says wiping at his eyes. "Uhm Mark that would of been a good lie if maybe we were in a different country but we're not and you just left your family yesterday morning and no one can be that homesick this fast. Now Markus what's really the matter?" "I......... I'm lonely. Everyone has someone. I'm the odd man out in this group. I have no one." Markus says starting to sob once again. "Mark you don't need anyone right now. Relationships just complicate things. You;ll find someone later on in life right now all you need is to work on your goals and get your place in society. Jesus, Mary and Joseph don't listen to a bloody word I just said. I just sounded like Ronan. I have been with him for too long, I'm starting to sound like him. Listen Mark, love is not something that comes easily. Some people will wait there whole life for love. Your still young and have plenty to offer to the guy that gets your heart and don't let anyone convince you otherwise. I had many boyfriends before I was with Ronan, it takes a while to find true love, and sometimes you find it right away, these people are lucky. You are a great person and I am sure you will find someone. Now come on cheer up for me you have a concert to do and no matter how your day goes, you never let the fans be disappointed. Just remember when you feel like things are bad it could always get worse, that's why always kept me going when I was going through your awkward age. Mark I went through the same thing you were going through when I was young so if you need someone to talk to you can always talk to me." "Thank you Steo, I'm glad it wasn't Ronan at the door. No offense, but he doesn't know how to deal with emotions." "Ronan unfortunately, is a very private person, I still can't read his thoughts. He never lets on his feelings. I wish he would but he was always taught a man doesn't show emotion so he doesn't. Just remember what I said Mark, now go get ready before Ronan gets after you." Markus hugs Stephen and goes into the bathroom to change. KIAN: (During the Concert) `Good one more song and I can get far way from Bryan. Why can't I stay mad at him? I just look at him and I'm not upset anymore. This is killing me to stay mad at him. Why are the rest of the guys leaving the stage? Why am I being pulled off the stage? Why is Bryan staying on the stage? "Tonight if you people don't mind I'd like to do a song by myself. I did something very wrong. I hurt someone I really care about and love. Baby I'm sorry and this is for you." It's never to hard to find the words The words to say to you You make it so easy just to talk The way we talk things through You never to tired to care You never to busy to just be there And when I smile my feelings show So Everybody, Everybody knows And everybody knows this love's for sure There's no searching anymore And no one ever doubts you're mine, I'm yours It's the one thing that's for sure And everyone we know says all the time They wish they had a love like yours and mine And everybody knows Even people in love said I'm a fool For loving you too much But we were the exception to the rule For us it's not enough They used to say we're out of touch Now everyone wants to be like us Not afraid to let it show So everybody, everybody knows And everybody knows this love's for sure There's no searching anymore And no one ever doubts you're mine, I'm yours It's the one thing that's for sure And everyone we know says all the time They wish they had a love like yours and mine And everybody knows Like yours and mine That bridges all divides A love to conquer time When everybody knows And everybody knows this love's for sure There's no searching anymore And no one ever doubts you're mine, I'm yours It's the one thing that's for sure And everyone we know says all the time They wish they had a love like yours and mine And everybody knows And everybody knows this love's for sure There's no searching anymore And no one ever doubts you're mine, I'm yours It's the one thing that's for sure And everyone we know says all the time They wish they had a love like yours and mine And everybody knows `Oh god..... he's singing this for me. This is my favourite song. Oh Lord! I love him so much. He looks so cute singing up there. Oh god I'm crying now. Is someone hugging me I feel someone hugging me.' "Sweetie, Kian please I'm really sorry." Bryan says crying, releasing his hold on Kian to look into his face. Kian leans in and kisses Bryan, only releasing him when they had to go back and do the last song. What will happen to this couple................ End Chapter 8 Please send feedback to enis1220@yahoo.com or AIM enis1220 PLEASE SEND FEEDBACK IT WOULD HELP A LOT EVEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE STORY!!!!!!!!!!!! I would really appreciate it! Thanx A side note: I've been trying to get this story out for a while. School was hectic and now that I have so much time on my hands I can do it. Also I would like to address the issue about AJ. I was saddened by the whole thing. I hope he recovers and is back with the boys where he belongs. He has my love and support and I hope he has everyone elses. He is a very courageous man for admitting he has a problem and getting help. I wish everyone was as brave as he was.