Date: Wed, 21 Mar 2001 22:28:45 -0800 (PST)
From: Jonathan Littrell <dreamkiid@yahoo.com>
Subject: when i dream at night: chapter 4

When I Dream at Night

Disclaimer: The story involves a relationship, between
a member of the Backstreet Boys (who? You'll have to
read and find out), and a rather charming fellow. Yes,
two guys. If that comes as a shock to you: 1. Your a
complete moron. 2. You need not procreate. 3. Press
ALT and F4 at the
same time right... NOW! Its a love story.. and that
means there will be sex in it.  That is if I can bring
myself to writing it.  I think sex is very much a part
of a loving relationship,
and that is why I want to include it.

Finally, this is fiction and not meant to imply
anything about the true sexuality of any member of the
Backstreet Boys . If you are underage.. yadda yadda...
you shouldn't be reading this.. yadda.. ::mumbles::
(don't get caught). ::mumbles::

Extra Note:  For the introduction and background info,
small description of Jonathan, the main character,
please check out Chapter 1.

Comments, Concerns, Criticisms, Praises:
dreamkiid@yahoo.com


Chapter 4:


I woke up at 8 AM on Tuesday, the morning after Brian
and I had our little encounter.  I was about to freak
out for waking up late when I noticed a note which had
been slipped under the door.

>>If you are reading this, it means you are traveling
with the Boys.  If you need to get in touch with the
rest of the crew (those who aren't needed in LA for
the Grammy's) will be heading to the next tour stop.
The Boy's flight leaves at 10 AM.  Be in the lobby
with your suitcases at 9:15 AM sharp!<<

I figured the guys weren't needed in LA so early so we
were given a couple extra hours of sleep.  I walked
over to the bathroom and removed my sweats.  I stepped
into the shower and stood under the cascading streams
of hot water for a while before lathering up.  The
bathroom had always been a place of relaxation for me.
 No noise, other than the sound of water, to interrupt
my thoughts.  While standing under the water, the
events of the night before came flooding back to me.
Brian obviously felt something for me, more than
friendship.  After the time we had spent together it
shouldn't have been surprising.  All those moments we
had.  I wouldn't call them awkward, but if they were
anything they were just that.  The way he looked at
me.  The way he found a reason to reach out his hand
and touch me.  It all made sense after I thought about
it.  Deep down I guess I sensed something was going
on, but how could anyone just realize it and accept
it, that someone, especially someone like Brian, was
interested in them.

I walked out of the bathroom and dressed.  I took a
seat on the carpet, in the middle of the room, and
meditated.  Once I was done I made my way out of my
room and down to the lobby.  It was only 9 AM but I
figured I would rather be early than late.  I walked
out into the lobby and made my way over to the front
desk to hand in my keys.  Halfway to the front desk I
noticed Brian sitting on one of the sofas in the
lobby.  He was dressed in baggy jeans, a gray hooded
sweatshirt, and a blue baseball cap covering half his
face.  To everyone else in the lobby he looked like
just an average guy sitting and waiting for someone.
If the girls in the lobby only knew who was sitting
only a few feet away from them, they would probably
pass out.  I stood there for a second and studied
Brian a little more.  I realized something at that
point which made me smile.  Just then, Brian looked up
and caught me looking at him, smiling.  I quickly
turned away and made my way over to the front desk.

After I checked out at the front desk I made my way
over to Brian.  I figured I had to speak to him sooner
or later, and I didn't want him to think that I wanted
to avoid him.

"Morning."  Brian looked up at me.  A smile spread
across his face.
"Morning."
"How did you sleep?"  I took a seat next to him.
"Pretty good, I guess.  Under the circumstances,"
Brian replied.
"Circumstances?"
"Oh, you know, the Grammy's being only days away, and
stuff."  Brian seemed to have found a new interest in
his sneakers cause he didn't look up once.
"Right.  Must be nerve wracking."
"Yeah, it is."  He answered simply.

"So..."
"So...."

We both laughed at our poor attempts in ending the
awkward silence.

"I guess we should talk...   Brian started to say.

"MORNING GUYS!"  Nick came running over to us before
Brian could finish his sentence.
Kevin followed close behind.  "Dammit Gene!  Why not
just break into a song and dance number right here to
get everyone's attention."
"Oh, people don't even know we're in this hotel,
Kevin!"  Nick didn't bother looking back at Kevin.

"Yo!  Let's get a move on guys!  We don't want to miss
our flight this time!"  AJ said as he made his way
over to us.
"Morning everyone," Howie added as he walked up behind
AJ.

Brian and I just sat there looking at everyone talking
to each other.  I know Brian felt a little weird about
what had happened the night before but he wasn't about
to bring it up with everyone standing around.  As the
managers and bodyguards made their way over to us, we
all picked up our bags and made our way out to the
vans waiting for us outside.

Kevin, Nick and Howie walked up to the first van and
loaded their luggage.  Before I could make up my mind
in which van to ride in, I felt someone tugging at my
sleeve.  Brian quickly pulled me towards the second
van without saying a word.  We both loaded our luggage
and jumped into the van.

"I guess we might not get a chance to..."
"Looks like there's room for one more in here."  Brian
was once again interrupted, this time by AJ, as he
made his way up to our van.

I couldn't help but laugh at Brian's second attempt at
getting out a complete sentence towards me.  Brian
broke out in laughter as well to AJ's bewilderment.

"I see someone had their coffee this morning.  What's
all the laughing about?"  AJ wondered.
"Nothing AJ.  Nothing at all."  Brian said, while he
looked at me.

We arrived at the airport in time and boarded without
too much commotion.  Barely anyone noticed the guys,
and the few fans that did spot them stayed quiet long
enough for us to make a quick dash to our take off
gate.  We were able to board the plane as soon as we
arrived so we wouldn't have had to wait in the lobby.
After some scheming, Brian was able to switch his seat
and be able to sit next to me.

"Oh no you did not!"
"Yeah, I did."
"New Kids on the Block?  I mean, you actually went
around singing their songs?"  I asked Brian.

The plane had been in the air for about half an hour.
Brian and I were engrossed in our conversation.  We
were talking about Brian's childhood and
pre-Backstreet Boy days.  We had set aside the
conversation about what had happened the night before.
 Neither of us was eager on getting it started so we
let it go for the moment.

"Give me a break!  Back then I would have given
anything to be doing what they were doing!"
"Well, who would have known, huh?"
"Known what?"  Brian looked confused.  Something not
out of the ordinary.
"That the loser kid who sang NKOTB songs would
eventually be doing what they did."
"Oh, that was harsh!  You didn't have to use the L
word now."  Brian looked away, attempting at looking
hurt.
"I see singing is your only forte in the entertainment
industry, huh?"  I said, referring to Brian's acting
skills, or rather, lack of.
"Oh, that's it!  Where's the flight attendant?"  Brian
turned to the Flight attendant walking by and grabbed
on to her arm.  "Excuse me Miss?  Could you throw him
off the plane please?"

"Brian!"
"I'm sorry Miss.  Could you just bring us water,
please?"

"What's going on over here?"  Kevin walked over to
Brian and I, just as the flight attendant was walking
away.
"Not much, just trying to pass the time," Brian
replied.
"I keep hearing you two giggle, so I figured you had
to be up to something," Kevin said.  "That and also
that Brian is always up to something."
"I am not."
"Yes you are," I said, looking at Brian.

"See, even Jonathan agrees and he hasn't known you for
all that long."
"I know him well enough by know," I said.  I almost
regretted saying that.
"Really?"  Kevin raised an eyebrow (and what and
eyebrow at that) at my comment.

"Here's your water, gentlemen."  The flight attendant
set 2 glasses of water in front of us.  "Mr.
Richardson, I'm going to have to ask you to return to
your seat.  We're about to serve lunch."

"Where have you been all my life?" Brian turned to the
flight attendant.
"Excuse me?"  She said, quite confused.
"I'm sorry.  I was just thinking about how great it
would be to have you around all the time to keep Mr.
Richardson away from us, " Brian said, trying to hold
in his laughter.

"I heard that Brian!" Kevin yelled over from his seat.

The plane landed safe and sound in LAX, much to the
relieve of Brian.

"Poor baby scared of heights?"  I said, mocking
Brian's nervousness.
"Don't forget I can fire you!"
"Oh, what a shame," I stood up from my seat and
started taking my carry on out from under my seat.
"A shame?  What is?"  Brian asked, bewildered.
"A man of words and probably no action," I said with a
grin and started moving towards the plane's exit.  As
I walked away, I turned slightly and caught Brian
blushing just a little.

***

Wednesday night turned out to be a very long one.  So
long that it turned into Thursday morning without
anyone having a wink of sleep.  Everyone was still
celebrating the guys Grammy nominations at their own
post Grammy party.

"What a night!"  AJ said taking another gulp of his
drink.  "I can't believe it."
"Yeah, it was incredible.  Who would have thought a
few years ago that we would be attending the Grammy's
as nominees, and perform with Elton John," Howie
added.
"Now that was amazing!  I will never forget that
performance for the rest of my life!"  Kevin yelled.
He looked as if he was floating on air.  "Can you
believe it cuz!  We performed with Elton John!!"

"Wow there Kevin.  I think you've had one too many
drinks," Brian reached over and took Kevin's drink out
of his hand.
"Oh come on cuz, live it up a little.  We just had an
incredible night.  We need to celebrate."
"You're right.  I don't mean to be a party pooper."
Brian reached back over to Kevin and handed his drink
back to him.  "But don't complain to me later on when
your hung over."

"I can't imagine if you all would have won those damn
Grammy's.  I think we'd be pulling AJ and Kevin off
the roof right about now."  I said taking a sip of my
soda.

"Well, we have a reason to be happy about not winning
then.  I don't think we could handle these guys more
out of control than they are now."  Brian added.

Everyone continued to have a good time.  Kevin, Howie,
AJ, and Nick stayed in one of the rooms partying it
up.  Their bodyguards kept a watchful eye over them,
keeping them from doing something stupid and
preventing just anyone from getting near the guys.  In
their drunken state, they couldn't be too careful.
Only fellow artist were allowed in the VIP section the
guys were in.

Brian had made his way over to me and pulled me aside.

"So did you enjoy tonight?"
"Did I ever!  I can't believe I got to attend the
Grammy's.  I met so many people, I'm still in shock."
"I'm glad to hear you enjoyed yourself."
"And to top it off I got to see you guys perform.  You
were incredible!  I have never heard you guys sing
"Show me the meaning..." better than you did tonight.
You knocked everyone out of their seats."
"Yeah, I think we did pretty good.  I think we
impressed a few people," Brian said humbly.
"A few?  Everyone was talking about how good you guys
sang.  Don't let their 'we're too cool' demeanors fool
you."
"Yeah, your right.  We did knock the socks right off
of them," Brian said.

"It really was an incredible night Brian.  Thank you."
"Thank me?  For what?  There's no need to thank us.
You had to work a little any ways.  I should apologize
for you having to work."
"Well, if we continue to thank and apologize to each
other, we'll be here all night."
"All morning you mean," Brian said pointing to the
rising sun.  We had made it outside onto a balcony.
The balcony overlooked the backyard, or better put the
park, behind the mansion.  The place was an amazing
site.  Probably worth millions.  A set of 3 pools were
below us, with magnificent gardens surrounding them.

"Its beautiful isn't it?" Brian asked, regarding the
mansion.
"Yeah it is.  A little too over the top but
incredible.
"Yeah, I would never be able to live in a place like
this.  Its too extravagant."  Brian added.
"I want a nice medium sized house.  Maybe in the
country or something.  A nice Spanish style villa.."
"That's exactly the kind of house I want,"  Brian
said.  "Another thing to add to the list of things we
have in common,"

"I didn't know you were keeping track,"  I said.
Before I could say anything else, Brian leaned over
and pressed his lips to mine.  Brian's tongue slipped
out of his mouth and licked at my lips.  I snapped out
of it at the feeling of Brian's tongue and pulled back
a little.  Brian took a step back and a look of
nervousness came across his face.  I looked at him for
a second and stepped towards him and planted my lips
against his this time.  Brian quickly responded back
and returned the kiss.  He sucked on my bottom lip and
then pressed his tongue against my lips.  I granted
him permission and separated my lips, allowing his
tongue to snake into my mouth.  We kissed passionately
for a few minutes, allowing our tongues to explore
each other's mouths.

"Wow, that was.. that was something," Brian said,
taking a step back.
I took a deep breath and just looked at Brian.  I ran
my fingers over my lips, where Brian's tongue had
been.  Before I could say anything, Brian's bodyguard,
Billy, called him inside.

"Interrupted again.." Brian whispered.
"I'm starting to feel like we're in a bad movie..
'Boys Interrupted,' or something."  That broke the
little tension that hung in the air.  Brian and I
laughed, and finally looked into each others eyes.

"So are we going to make believe that this didn't
happen in the morning?"  Brian asked sheepishly.
"I hope not.  I know I'm not going to be able to
forget it,"  I said.
"Good, cause I won't either."  Brian took my hand in
his and held it for a second before he walked inside.


All in all, Grammy night was incredible.  The guys
were not only nominated in the biggest categories but
they performed twice during the show.  Their
performance was received with respect and admiration,
but it didn't compare with the second time they took
the stage with Elton John.  Needless to say, it had
been an unbelievable night for the guys and everyone
who worked for them.  And the perfect night had even a
better ending with Brian and I finally coming together
and kissing.  I never had such a magical night as that
one, up until then of course.  It had been perfect.

***


Two week had passed, including nine concerts, since
the Grammy's.  Those two weeks were incredibly hectic.
 Everyone was working incredibly hard trying to make
the tour go on without a glitch.  One week was left of
the tour, leaving only 5 concerts to be completed.

I didn't speak to Brian for much of those two weeks.
We were only able to hang out once, by ourselves.  We
had lunch at a nice restaurant and enjoyed a run
through the park.  We never brought up the night of
the Grammy's.  It was as if we had never kissed, which
is fine by me.  I wasn't really comfortable with the
idea yet.  On another day we tried to escape to the
movies but we didn't make it out of the hotel alone.
Nick ran into Brian and I right before we left the
hotel, and he made us wait for him and the rest of the
guys.  It ended up being a fun day, except that Brian
and I barely talked.  Other than those two days, Brian
and I only exchanged hello's and good bye's.  The 8th
of March (Wednesday) was a day off for everyone.  The
following concert was only in Cleveland, Ohio, not too
far from St. Louis.  I hadn't seen Brian for a couple
days.  Sunday night, Brian and Nick had flown out to
New York for some business, right after the concert.
They flew back in, in time for Tuesday night's concert
in St. Louis, but I didn't attend that concert.

Wednesday morning I was woken up by a knock at my
hotel door.

"Morning..."
"Brian, what are you doing up so early?"  I rubbed my
eyes, trying to wake up.
"Its only 10 in the morning, but if you consider that
early, I guess I'm just an early bird."
"Well, there's no early worm here," I said still
groggy.
"Oh, so I guess I'll just come by later..." Brian said
reluctantly.
"I'm sorry Brian.  I didn't mean it like that.  I'm
just a bit of a grump in the morning.  I'm not a
morning person.  Come in."  I opened the door more to
let Brian in.

"I still can't believe your up after last night's
concert.  I'm still exhausted and I stopped working a
few hours before you did."
"I'm tired.  I just didn't feel like staying cooped up
in my room all day."  Brian took a seat in one of the
arm chairs in the room.  "So I figured I'd come to
your room and be cooped up all day."

"Oh yeah?"
"I was thinking we could just hang out in here for
most of the day.  That is if you don't mind."
"No, not at all.  I was planning on just lying around
all day and do absolutely nothing." I said.
"Great, sounds like a plan then."
"Yup," I agreed, taking a seat across from Brian, in
the opposite arm chair.

"Thank god you have a room to yourself again," Brian
said grinning.
"I don't seem to figure out how I've been so lucky," I
said looking at Brian curiously.
"Well, someone has to be the odd man out."
"I guess.  I just figured they'd tried to fit as many
people into one room as possible to save money.
Somehow I think I was spared though."
"Yeah, maybe someone was just looking out for you."
Brian said.

"So what do you want to do?"
"How about we order some room service?  Breakfast
sounds good right about now," Brian suggested.
"Sounds good to me," I said.
"So, what do you want?  I'll do the honors of
calling," Brian volunteered.
"Mmm, I want a croissant, a scrambled egg, fresh
orange juice, and some fresh fruit."
"Just a little hungry, huh?"
"Just a little," I said rubbing my belly.

Breakfast was brought up about 20 minutes after Brian
had called.  Everything looked delicious.  Brian
ordered pretty much what I did, plus some French toast
and hash browns.

"So..."
"So...." I said, looking at Brian.
"What do you want to talk about?"  Brian took a bite
of his French toast.
"I dunno, you?"
"MmmImmdunno..." Brian said between chewing.
"Didn't your mother teach you not to talk with your
mouth full."
"Yeah, she did.  I just forgot."  Brian sounding like
a little kid.  It made me laugh.
"You are just too cute aren't you."  I didn't think
before saying that.  I quickly turned a shade of red.
"I'm glad you think so," Brian said, enjoying seeing
my cheeks turn red.  We didn't say anything to each
other for a few minutes, building this awkward
silence.  We just quietly ate our breakfast, looking
up at each other every now and then.

After we finished breakfast, Brian stood up and walked
over to the long couch in front of the television.  He
took the remote in his hand and turned it on.  I
joined him a couple minutes later, sitting on the
opposite side of the couch.  We sat there quietly,
watching TV.  Somewhere between The Price Is Right and
Hotzone on MTV, Brian ended up sitting right next to
me.  Somehow my head had made it onto Brian's
shoulder, with his arm across my back.  It seemed so
natural, I didn't even so much as flinch.  I stood up
to go to the bathroom, and when I came back and sat
down, Brian pulled me between his legs, my back
resting against his chest, his arms wrapped around my
waist.

"This feels good," Brian spoke up during a commercial.
"Uhu," was all that came out of my mouth.  Brian had
been running his hand up and down my chest, caressing
me.  It was so soothing.  Almost enough to make me
fall asleep.

"Brian?"
"Yeah Jonathan?"  Brian placed his hands on my arms
and ran his fingers up and down.
"What are we doing?"
I didn't get a response from Brian right away.  "I
don't know, but whatever it is we're doing, it feels
right."  Brian finally said,  wrapping his arms around
my chest again, this time a little tighter.  "Doesn't
it?"

I thought for a second.  Not that I really needed to.
I knew what I was feeling, way before Brian had asked
me.  "Yeah, I guess it does."  That was as far as our
conversation about 'us' got.  At the moment, it didn't
need to go any further.  What was said was enough.  At
least for the time being.

At around three that afternoon, Brian decided we
should make our way out into the city and maybe catch
a movie.  This time without having the rest of the
guys tag along.  We figured they had all went out
early, so we wouldn't have any trouble going
unnoticed.  This wouldn't be the only time we were
wrong.

"Hey!  Where you guys off to?"  AJ said running up to
us as we exited the elevators into the lobby.
"Hey AJ.  We were just going out, explore the city a
bit."  Brian said nonchalantly.
"And you weren't planning on telling us?  I'm hurt,"
AJ said, overly dramatic.
"Hey cuz, what are you up to?" Kevin asked as he
walked up to us.  "Hey Jonathan."
"Hey Kev, we were just going to go out into the city,
maybe get something to eat." Brian replied.
Kevin looked around, a slightly angry expression
coming over his face.  "Brian, where's Billy?  I know
you're not going out without security.  How many times
do we have to go over this?"

"Kevin, chill out!"  Brian knew what was coming.
"Brian!  I can't believe we have to have this argument
over and over again.  You know its not safe to go out
without security.  I can't continue to have this
argument with you.  And by the looks of it, you
weren't planning on telling anyone that you were going
out!  What if something was to happen?  No one would
know where you were."

"Jeez Kevin!  Nothing wrong is going to happen!
People don't even recognize us when we go out.  Its
when we have security with us that people notice us!
Jonathan and I just wanted to spend a quiet afternoon
without having to deal with any of this crap!
Bringing security would just make us stand out!"
Brian said, trying not to bring too much attention to
us.

Kevin took a deep breath.  "I know you have a point,
but its just not safe Brian.  Its just not safe."
"Well, now you know that we are going out.  I have my
cell phone with me, so if anything happens, I'll call
you, ok?"
"Whatever,"  Kevin said.  He turned around and walked
away towards the elevators.

"Let me go get Howie and we can all go out, maybe go
to a restaurant and a movie or something," AJ
suggested.
"Um, we were just planning to...."
"Well, we'll just do whatever you were planning on
doing, just let me go get Howie," AJ said,
interrupting Brian.  AJ turned and ran off to get
Howie.

"I guess we should have left through the back, huh?"
I said, disappointed that Brian and I wouldn't get to
spend the day alone.
"Come on, lets go!" Brian grabbed my arm and pulled me
towards the front entrance.
"Brian, what about AJ and Howie?"
"Who cares!  They'll figure out we left when they
don't see us down here.  They'll deal!"
Who was I to argue.  We quickly jumped into a cab
waiting outside and sped off into the city.

***

"BRIAN!!"  AJ yelled, running out into the street.
"Damn them!"
"Yo, AJ, where'd they go?"  Nick said waking up to AJ.
"I can't believe they just left us like that!"  AJ
said frustrated.
"Did you tell them to wait?"
"Nick, don't be an idiot, of course I told them to
wait!"
"That's kind of weird."  Nick said.
"Who's weird?"  Howie said, walking up to AJ and Nick.
 "Hey, where's Brian and Jonathan?"
"They left us." Nick informed Howie.'

"What?"
"Yup, they just left."
"Now I'm starting to see what Kevin was talking about
earlier, about Brian acting kinda weird
around us lately.  He's barely spent anytime with us.
He's kinda been pushing himself away from
us."  Howie said.
"I don't what his deal is man.  I guess he just needs
some time away from us.  I mean, we do spend a lot of
time with each other.  I guess he just needs his
space."  AJ finally calmed down.

"What could possibly be up with him?  I mean, it
couldn't be what I think it is." Nick whispered to
himself.
"What was that Nick?"
"Nothing AJ.  Let's just go out.  We don't need them
around to have fun."
"Got that right!  Brian would only get in the way of
us having some real fun!"

Nick held his head down as he followed AJ and Howie
into the van AJ had asked for.  Marcus and Nelson, AJ
and Howie's bodyguards, were already waiting inside.
'Why is Brian being so distant with me?  Only a few
weeks ago he was crawling into my bunk and crying on
my shoulder, and now he barely talks to me.' Nick
thought to himself.  'Now he disappears for entire
days without telling anyone where he's going.  And
this friendship with Jonathan is weird.  It couldn't
possibly be what I think it is.  I mean, Jonathan
isn't like that... is he?'

"Yo, Nick!  You awake?"  AJ said, bringing Nick out of
his daze.
"Yeah, I'm awake.  So where we going guys?"  Nick
said, trying to get his mind off of Brian.

***

"Haha.  I can't believe you did that Brian!"
"That was just hysterical!  I can't believe I did that
either!"

Brian and I came running into the hotel lobby,
laughing and out of breath.  It was nearly 3 in the
morning, and we were just getting back to the hotel.
We had just ran about 6 blocks from a kareoke bar.
Brian and I had gotten up on the stage and sang, badly
I might add, 'I Want It That Way.'  Halfway through
the song Brian dropped the act and let his real voice
come out.  A couple women, no more than 22, recognized
his voice immediately.  Brian's had didn't do a good
job at hiding his face, so people quickly realized it
was him.  We quickly finished singing the song and ran
out of the bar at lighting speed.

We ran all the way back to the hotel, laughing
hysterically at the look on people's faces, in the
club.

"Be glad they seemed to be fans!  They could have
easily started throwing beer bottles at you!"
"At me?  You mean, at us!  Your overestimating drunken
people's aim!" Brian added still laughing.

We jumped into the elevator and rode to the top floor.
 Brian figured it was best to have me sleep in his
room.  I hadn't lucked out this time in getting my own
room, and I didn't want to wake up my roommates (two
fellow pr assistants).  As the elevator doors opened,
we stepped out on the floor and were met one angry
looking person.

"Glad to see your okay.  I want to see you in my room
first thing tomorrow morning.  Goodnight."  Kevin said
flat out.  He turned around and started walking back
towards his room.

"What the hell is your problem!"  Brian said angrily.
"Brian!  Let it go," I whispered to him.
"No!  He has no right to speak to me like that!" Brian
said.  "You hear me Kevin?  You have no right to speak
to me like that!"

Kevin turned back around and took a couple steps
towards us.  "I do not want to get into it right now
Brian!  Its late, everyone else is sleeping and we
have a busy day tomorrow!  Go to bed and we'll talk
about this tomorrow!"

"That's the thing Kevin!  There IS nothing to talk
about!  Well, nothing besides your bad attitude!"
"Excuse me?"  Kevin said, more agitated.  "Fine!
We'll talk about this right now!  Its fucking 3 in the
morning right now.  You left the hotel at around 3
this afternoon and you didn't bother to let anyone
know where you were going and what time you were
coming back!  I have been worried sick!  I had to come
up with something to tell management and security
about where you were!"

I knew the argument was going to get a little more
heated than it already was, and I wasn't about to be
standing right in the middle of it.  I reached over to
Brian's hand and took the card key into my hand and
slipped over to Brian's room.  I stood inside the door
listening to Brian and Kevin outside.

"Kevin!  I am 25 years old, or did you forget?  I do
not need to tell anyone where I'm going or when I plan
on coming back!  You have no right to talk to me like
a little kid!  You're not my father Kevin!  Let's
remember that.  You may play father figure in the
group but you are not going to pull any of that crap
with me!"

"Brian!  You left 12 hours ago!  You left without
security after I specifically reprimanded you about
it!  You dissapear for 12 hours without so much as a
phone call to let us know you were okay!  You know how
I feel about any of us going out into the city on our
own when we are on tour!  When we are on down time,
its different!  When we're on tour, everyone knows
we're in town!  There are pretty much search parties
out there looking for us!"

"You knew I was out with Jonathan!  Its not like I was
alone Kevin!  And you know I wouldn't do anything
stupid!  Like I was about to walk into a music store
and stand in front of our cd's and start singing!
Give me a break Kev!"  Brian sounded tired of the
conversation.

I flinched at Brian's comment.  He didn't actually
stand in a music store in front of the group's CDs,
but we had sung kareoke in front of a full bar, which
was just as bad.

By this time, Kevin and Brian's yelling had woken up
AJ and Howie.  "Guys!  Do we need to do this right
now?  Its 3 in the morning for God's sake!"  AJ
mumbled half asleep.

"Or how about we drop it!  I'm sure its not important,
nothing to fight about!  Lets just all go to bed,"
Howie added.

"You guys are impossible!  I get no support around
here!  I can't take it anymore!  You guys just don't
listen!  We agreed to keep our business, our business
and not managements!  I can't be responsible for
everything anymore.  You guys don't want to deal with
me, well then, let's see how you like dealing with
management!"  With that, Kevin walked into his room
and slammed the door.

"Ugh!  He is so annoying sometimes!"  Brian said,
turning and walking towards his room.  I stepped aside
and watched him walk in and slam the door.  "I really
can't believe him sometimes!"

"What was all that about?  The 'dealing with
management' part?" I asked.
Brian sat at the edge of his bed and released a big
sigh.  I thought he might not want to talk about it,
so I was going to drop it, when Brian started to
speak.

"Before we changed management, we were pretty much
controlled twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.
 Management had to know where we were at all times and
made sure security was with us."  Brian started
removing his shoes, getting ready for bed.  "It was
really suffocating.  We felt like we had absolutely no
privacy.  We really didn't have any.  Even inside our
hotel rooms, security was right outside the door.
They never left our side.  We all really grew to hate
it, especially me.  When we decided to change
managements, we all agreed that things would be
different.  We decided that the five of us would keep
our business exactly that.  We did not want management
playing a part in anything but our work commitments.
Once we were off the stage and out of the press' eye,
we would not have to deal with management."

"I see.  I had noticed that actually.  I mean, I've
noticed that management and security always seem to
meet you guys in the lobby in the morning and at night
there doesn't seem to be a trace of them," I said.

"That's how we like it.  It allows us to have control
of our own lifes.  We don't feel like we're being
baby-sitted anymore.  It has allowed us to live our
life's as normally as we can, while we are on tour."

"So, do you think that Kevin meant what he said?
About getting management involved again?"
"I don't know.  I would hope not.  I mean, if he does,
he is putting his own privacy at risk.  Kevin
designated himself the one in charge when management
was made not to interfere.  After all, we do need
someone to be slightly in charge, if not, none of us
would ever know where we are going and when to show up
for things."

"Which would make my job incredibly stressful!" I
added.
"Yeah, you would have to find us!" Brian said
laughing.  "Anyway, I doubt Kevin meant it.  He's just
upset right now.  He'll get over it."

"Well, I hope so.  Its nice hanging around you guys
without management and security down our back," I
said.
"So you ready for bed?"  Brian walked around to the
edge of the bed and pulled the covers back.
"Definitely.  I am so tired after all we did today, I
don't think I'll be able to get up tomorrow," I said,
removing some of my clothes.  I walked over to one of
the large sofas and sat down.
"What are you doing?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're going to sleep on the couch?"
"Um, yeah.  It beats the floor," I said looking at
Brian.
"No, you are my guest, so please, take the bed.  I'll
sleep on the couch."  Brian grabbed a pillow from the
bed and walked over to the couch.

"Don't even think about it Brian.  I'll be more than
comfortable on the couch.  There is no way I am making
you sleep on the couch."  I put my hand out to stop
Brian from getting any closer.
"Look, this is ridiculous.  The bed is big enough for
a baseball team, it can certainly accomodate both of
us."
"Uh, I don't know."  I wasn't sure sharing a bed with
Brian would prove to be a smart thing to do.  He was
my boss after all.
"Oh come on!  You take the right side," Brian said
walking back over to the bed.  He climbed into bed and
looked at me.  I was still a little unsure, but I
figured the bed was big enough that we would room to
spare between the two of us.  I walked over to the bed
and climbed in.  I pulled the covers over my body and
turned my back to Brian.  "Goodnight Brian."
"Night Jonathan."

***

As I started to come out of my deep sleep I tried to
move onto my side.  I was lying face up and felt
something heavy over my chest.  I slowly opened my
eyes and looked down.  There was Brian's right arm
lying across my chest.  Throughout the night Brian had
turned face down and stretched his arm across my body.
 His leg was bent a little, and laid on top of mine.
He was closely snuggled to my body, still sound
asleep.
'Oh god, what should I do?'  I thought.  I tried to
slide out of Brian's embrace and off the bed but as
soon as I moved, Brian stirred in his sleep and slowly
started waking up.

Brian slowly opened his eyes and saw me looking at
him.  "Morning Jonathan," Brian said, a little too
nonchalantly.   He quickly snapped out of it.
"JONATHAN?  I mean..."  Brian stammered out.  He
stopped and thought for a second.  By his face, I
could tell the happenings of the night before slowly
started to come to him.  He remembered himself
offering to share his bed with me.  Brian laughed once
he realized how he reacted to seeing me lying on his
bed.

Brian lifted his arm off my body and shifted over to
the other side of the bed.  "Sleep okay?  I hope I
didn't kick you or anything,"  he said nonchalantly.

I was still a little uneasy about waking up with Brian
nearly on top of me.
"What's wrong with you,"  Brian said, finally noticing
my uneasiness.

"Nothing, I just..."  I stopped mid sentence the
second Brian moved over and placed his hand on my
chest.  "I better get going.  Everyone is bound to be
waking up and I want to make it to my room before the
guys wake up."

I jumped out of bed, gathered my clothes and made my
way over to the door."
"Jonathan?"  Brian followed right after me.
"I'll talk to you later, okay Brian?"
"Sure," was all Brian could say before I left his
room.  I left him standing there, looking confused,
wrapped in a white bed sheet.
***

"Jason?"  I was sitting downstairs in the hotel's
restaurant eating breakfast when my cell phone rang.
"What's up?"

"Hey Jonathan.  Listen, I just had to tell you that
you should call Ben.  I was talking to him last night
and he really needs to talk to you."

"Jason, you know that I am not..."
"Come on Jonathan.  One phone call is not going to
hurt.  He needs to talk to you man.  I think you
should call him.  It'll be good for both of you."
"I don't know Jason.  I know Ben is your best friend
and he must have asked you to call me."
"No man, not at all.  Ben has no idea I'm calling you.
 Just talk to him ok?  I gotta go.  I hope you speak
with him, cause he needs you."
"Bye Jason."  I hung up the phone and placed it on the
table.

'Call Ben, huh?' I asked myself.  'What must he need
from me now?  You can't keep falling into his traps
Jonathan.  You can't.'  I sat there, nibbling my
plate, trying to decide whether to call Ben or not.  "

"I know Ben made Jason call me but, what the hell,"  I
said out loud.

My heart raced faster with every phone ring.  Finally,
after what seemed like the millionth time the phone
rang, someone picked up.

"Hello?"
"Ben?  Its Jonathan."
"Jonathan!  Oh my god.  I'm so glad you called me.
I've been wanting to talk to you so bad."
"What do you want Ben?"  I said, emotionless.

"Listen to me J.  I miss you so much.  I really do.
I've been going crazy here without you.  I hate the
fact that you left before we could resolve our
problems.  You didn't even say good-bye."
"Ben, I can't keep going through this with you.  I
really can't.  I can't deal with it anymore."  I said,
already frustrated with the conversation.

"J, its different this time.  I realized I was
treating you bad.  I'm sorry I pushed you away.  You
know I have a problem with commitment.  I was scared.
I didn't know what to do."

"Ben, we've had this discussion once before and we
both know how it ended.  You told me you would be
there for me.  You told me I meant something to you.
You didn't just push me away Ben!  You treated me like
shit!"
"I know J.  And I'm sorry!  I'm so sorry!"  Ben
replied.
"You hurt me too many times Ben!  Do you know what
that feels like to be made out a fool?!"  I said, a
little too loud, drawing attention from the people
around me.  "Do you?
"I'm so sorry J."
"You manipulated me too much Ben.  You came to me when
you needed me and there I was, like an idiot, always
there for you.  You have this power over me, I can't
seem to say no to you.  I use to not be able to say no
to you, rather.  I've learned my lesson though.  I'm
saying no to you this time though.  I'm not yours to
control and manipulate.  You can't play me around
Ben."

"Jonathan, it won't be the same, I promise!  I promise
baby!  I've changed.  I need you so much.  Baby?"  Ben
starting sobbing quietly.  I didn't know what to say.


"Baby?  I love you," Ben whispered.

I froze.  A tear slipped down my cheek.  A couple
minutes passed without either of us saying a word.
Finally Ben spoke up.  "What are you thinking about
over there?"
"I don't know Benji.  I really don't know."  I was so
confused, I started to get a headache.  I didn't know
what I was going to do.


To be continued.....