Date: Fri, 9 Nov 2001 00:44:02
From: musicfan@indabox.com
Subject: Where Do We Go #34

Disclaimer:

   The following story is the next installment in an on going series about
Stephen Gately from Boyzone and what I imagine to be the story behind the
beginning of his relationship with Eloy de Jong from Caught in the Act. I
have no contact with either person, nor know any of the members of either
group.

   As always, if you're not old enough to be reading this, then don't do
it.  If you are, then please, keep on reading, and don't forget to write
and let me know what you think of this next chapter.


    Cheers!

    Musicfan


####



     His soft plea urged Stephen on and he rolled them over on the bed so
that Eloy was now on his back and he was on top of him. He spread Eloy's
arms out against the mattress as he sat up.  Eloy looked up at him, waiting
patiently for him to make the next move.

     "Don't go away," he said in a low voice as he leaned down to kiss
Eloy's nose. "I'll be right back."  He slid off of Eloy and moved to the
side of the bed where his bag was sitting next to the dresser.  Eloy
couldn't see what he was doing, but he could hear him pulling stuff out of
the bag. He was getting rather curious about the amount of time that
Stephen was taking when he heard a sigh of satisfaction.

     "I forgot about this last night," Stephen said absently as he crawled
back onto the bed. He saw that Eloy hadn't changed his position at all.

     "What's this?" Eloy asked curiously. He couldn't see what Stephen had
put on the bed and craned to look.  Stephen pushed him gently but firmly
back onto the bed and shook his finger at him.

    "Behave." He admonished sternly.  Eloy tried to grab his finger, but
Stephen moved back out of the way before he could grab it.  He laughed up
at Stephen in response. "And before you get a crick in your neck again,
'this' is special massage oil that I picked up on my way over from London."

    "Ah," Eloy said. "And what is so special about it?" Stephen crawled
over and straddled him, grabbing the bottle and pouring some of the
contents into one hand.

    "It is special," Stephen said with a small smile as he dipped a finger
into the oil in his cupped hand.  He placed the tip against Eloy's
lips. "Because it's edible."

    Eloy licked the oil off of Stephen's finger.  As the flavour touched
his tongue, he grinned knowingly.  "Mmmm, shades of Paris, perhaps?"  He
licked the strawberry oil off of his bottom lip.

    Stephen smiled down at him.  "Perhaps.  I also have some chocolate
flavoured, if you'd rather." Eloy laughed at the oblique reference to their
explorations with the fondue. They smiled at each other, both sharing the
same thought.

     Stephen raised his hand up and let the oil drip onto Eloy's
chest. "You know what I'm going to do with this, don't you?"

     Eloy watched him with half closed eyes as he felt the warm oil roll
across his pectoral muscles. "What?"  He saw that Stephen had that wicked
little smile that he knew meant that he was thinking of something naughty.

     "I am going to lick it off." Stephen said, matching his actions to the
words as he leaned forward and ran his tongue across Eloy's chest. It was
like a trail was emblazoned across his skin as Stephen followed the line of
oil.  Eloy shuddered, struck by the sensuality of what Stephen was doing.

    Stephen placed his palm on Eloy's chest and rubbed the remaining oil
into his skin, moving in slow circles.  He lazily made his way up to his
shoulders and back down the pectoral muscles.  He felt Eloy's skin shudder
under his touch and he smiled.  He had thought this might be a good idea
when he had seen the oil in the shop window on his way back to the hotel.

    Eloy relaxed under the spell of Stephen's hands.  He closed his eyes
and enjoyed the feel of Stephen's hands drifting lower on his chest and
down towards his belly.

    Stephen took his time in his travels, exploring as he went.  He kept on
liberally applying oil and took his time licking it off.  Soon Eloy was
squirming under his touch, brought to the edge by what he was doing.  He
had to smile, since Eloy seems so self-assured and together to him
normally.  But this time, he was moaning and begging for him to continue.

    He drifted lower until he was level between Eloy's legs.  He briefly
glanced up and saw that Eloy had an expectant look on his face.  He had to
admit to himself that he was quite eager to continue, having wanted this
moment to come for so long.  He picked up the bottle and slowly let some
oil leak out onto Eloy.

    At the touch of something wet on his legs, Eloy opened his eyes and
raised himself up on his elbows so he could see what Stephen was
doing. Stephen was laying on the bed propped up on one arm, and holding the
bottle over Eloy.  He grinned at the expression on Stephen's face.  He had
seen that look before, and delighted in seeing it now.  Stephen had that
bad boy expression that was very endearing to him, and he knew when he
looked like that, something special was going to happen.

    Stephen noticed that he had an audience when he looked up just as he
leaned down to lick the oil. He paused, and thought about teasing Eloy a
little bit more.  He leaned in and blew on the oil.  He was amused to see
that Eloy's whole body twitched in reaction.  When he had been in the store
looking for something for them, the shopkeeper had come over to give him
some advice.  At the time, he had been mortally embarrassed, in case the
guy had recognised him.  The man hadn't given any indication of knowing who
he was, and he had relaxed a bit, though he had said that it was a stag
party gift for a friend of his, rather than let the man think it was for
him.  The shopkeeper had steered him towards the flavoured massage oils and
had picked out a particular brand with a knowing wink.  He pointed out the
description on the back, which said that a special property in the oil
could be enhanced by air movement.  He had demonstrated it by pouring some
onto the back of Stephen's hand and then telling him to blow on it.
Stephen had been amazed, because it felt like the oil had gotten hot to the
touch. He had taken the shopkeeper's advice and bought the brand, hoping
that he and Eloy would have some time to play together.

    When he had seen how tired Eloy was from his promotional work, he had
put aside the idea, because he thought it best that they just take the time
together to relax.  But after their conversation earlier Stephen had been
glad that he had thought to buy the oil.  Though he had a feeling that Eloy
wasn't feeling relaxed at the moment.

     "Wat bestaat opdat?" Eloy asked, not realising he was speaking Dutch
instead of English.  Stephen knew what he was asking, though.

     "I told you, darling.  It's massage oil." He grinned up at Eloy, who
was staring at him in amazement.  "I told you it was special."

     "I guess," Eloy said in wonderment.  "Wow," he said with a shy smile
that made Stephen's heart skip in response.

     "Well, I was looking for something different.  I guess this is it.  Do
you like it?"  He asked, holding his breath.

     "Ja, ja," Eloy was quick to reassure him.  "Please, continue." He
reached out with one hand and caressed Stephen's cheek.  Stephen leaned
into his touch and turned to kiss his hand.

    "I had every intention of doing just that," he said with an impish
grin.  "Where do you suggest I continue?"

    Eloy laughed softly as he shifted restlessly on the sheets.  "Why not
at the head of the problem?" He suggested with a wink. Stephen paused to
consider the suggestion, all the while stroking an area of the inside of
Eloy's thigh.  "Well?"

    Stephen chuckled. "I think that's a good place to start."  He leaned
over but bypassed the suggested point and licked his way down Eloy's leg.
A whimper met his actions and he held back a grin in response.  A few
moments later, he felt Eloy's hands stop him from going further down his
thigh.

    "What, not what you were thinking?" He asked, looking up briefly. Eloy
shook his head solemnly and pointed.  Stephen's lips curved up briefly as
he followed the finger to the intended destination. "Oh, sorry."

     Eloy laughed, knowing that Stephen was playing with him.  "Please,
zusje.  I can't wait any longer."

     Stephen figured he had gone on long enough.  "I'm sorry, sweetheart.
I really didn't mean to misunderstand you.  Let me try again, okay?"  He
looked up at Eloy through his lashes and was pleased by the look on his
face.  Eloy nodded eagerly and urged him lower.

     He decided that enough time had passed, and blew gently on the oil
pooled on Eloy's skin.  Eloy moaned softly as he descended.  He licked
lightly on the outside of Eloy's penis, quietly fighting Eloy's hands,
which were urging him on.  He didn't want to rush this at all, and took his
time with what he wanted to do.

     After a few moments, Eloy let him do what he wanted, since urging him
along wasn't helping at all.  Once he let go, Stephen picked up the pace,
licking and biting gently as he went.  He reveled in the moment when he
finally engulfed Eloy.  There was a mixture of tastes as he did so and he
paused to savor it.  Eloy had dropped his hands to the bed where he grasped
the duvet in response to Stephen's actions.

    Eloy gasped, focused on what was going on below.  He whimpered as
Stephen moved off of him briefly, only to return again.  He had no energy
with which to raise his hands anymore, so he lay back and let Stephen have
his way with him.

     In all of his other relationships, never had he felt what he was
feeling at this moment.  Had someone told him that this time it would be
different, he would have laughed, thinking he had experienced everything.
But anything Stephen did was something new to him.  Sex with Carlo paled in
comparison to the feelings that were coursing through him as Stephen made
love to him.  He would never have thought that something so simple could be
so different.  In the haze of feeling, he tried to do a comparison and came
up with a blank.  It was after a few moments that he came to the
realisation that Carlo had never paid the same kind of attention to him
that Stephen did.  It was like it was the first time he had ever made love
to someone. He came to the conclusion that his love for Stephen was far
different from what he had with Carlo.  He was amazed that such a thing
could happen.

     As for Stephen, he felt totally inexperienced in what he was doing. It
wasn't like he had had a lot of practice, but from Eloy's responses, he
must have been doing the right thing. While he had had a few casual
encounters with other men over the years, he had been quite reserved on how
far he went with them. The only other person he had ever gone all the way
with was his best friend growing up.  But what they had experienced
together was totally different from what he was feeling now.  Then, it had
been more fumbled explorations than a mature expression of love.  And while
he was deeply tied to that time with his friend Stephen, he felt that this
time spent with Eloy was a totally different moment in his life.  He paused
a moment and sent a private prayer of forgiveness to his former lover, and
quietly closed the door on that part of his heart.  When Stephen Howard had
died, it had felt like a part of himself had died in the process.  He had
gone into a morass of self-hate, blaming himself for his friend's
submission to drugs.  At the time, he had been young and the thought of
getting in the group was his ticket out of the area they had lived in.
Louis had made him sever his ties to his friend and he had been heartbroken
at the time.  The others hadn't realised what a sacrifice he had made until
Stephen Howard had killed himself. He had been depressed for months
afterwards, wondering if he could have changed the fate of his friend by
staying with him instead of listening to Louis' advice.

     It was Shane who had made the connection and had taken the time to
spend with him through his grief.  But then, Shane had known him the
longest, and had helped him a lot over the years that they had been
together.  Shane had hung around with a lot of the same people that Stephen
had and had come to the conclusion about Stephen long before he had told
the rest of the group.  It didn't matter to him that Stephen was gay, but
it did matter that Stephen was having a hard time with his friend's death.
Shane had met Stephen Howard on the same disco dance contest circuit that
he had traveled with Stephen.  It was fairly apparent to him at that time
that the two Stephens were quite close, and once they were in the group
together, he hadn't been surprised when Stephen had come out to them.  In
fact, it had been Shane's acceptance that had gone a long way towards
healing the break inside of him.  While he would never forgive himself for
being the cause of his best friend's death, he could now separate what
happened from anything he had done.

     Eloy sensed that something had changed.  The way Stephen moved told
him that there was something different.  He moved his hand in a bid to stop
Stephen from going on, but Stephen ignored his gesture, leaning down to
suck on his penis.  The sensation as he did so threw all thoughts out of
Eloy's head and he gave into the sensations that were filling his body in
response to what Stephen was doing.  The knowledge that there was nothing
between them was incredibly exciting and he submitted to the surge of
emotion coursing through his body.

   Stephen focused only on Eloy's body, which was before him.  He had said
his private goodbye to his former lover sometime before, and this final
prayer had been all that he needed to free himself for this new love in
front of him.  He felt like Stephen had blessed his relationship with Eloy
and he made a promise with himself that this time it would be different
than it had been in the past.  He knew that nothing could keep him from
Eloy, not Louis, not heaven or hell.  And that if their relationship
spelled the end of his career, well, then so be it.  It was far past the
time that he had a life of his own, and a love he could truly call his.  He
had thought long and hard about what a relationship with Eloy would entail
and he willingly gave himself to it.  All this and more he put into his
actions this night as he made love to Eloy with all his heart.

    After a few moments Eloy knew that this wasn't going to be enough for
him.  Not their first time together.  He felt that there needed to be a
sharing, a time spent where they fully accepted one another.  Gently, he
raised a hand to stroke Stephen's face as he moved up and down, sucking on
his penis.  He lightly caressed Stephen's cheek, trying to get his
attention.  Stephen had his eyes closed tight, concentrating on what he was
doing.

     Eventually, Eloy had to be more forceful, pushing with his hand to
stop Stephen's motions.  Gradually, Stephen became more aware of a pressure
against his face and he paused, opening his eyes.  He looked up to see Eloy
staring at him.

     "What?" He asked, coming out of the trance he had put himself in of
tasting the massage oil along with the texture of Eloy's skin. Eloy had an
odd expression on his face and it gave him pause before continuing.

     "Stephen, please." Eloy said softly.  "Come here."  He motioned with
one hand for Stephen to come level with him.  Stephen felt reluctant to do
so now that he had made his peace within himself.  He felt that if he
stopped, he wouldn't be able to start again.  "Please, baby."

     Briefly, Stephen closed his eyes in response to Eloy's plea.  He
debated with himself for a few moments before allowing himself to be swayed
by Eloy's request.  With one last intimate touch, he moved up onto the bed,
covering Eloy's body with his own.  When he came level with Eloy's face he
kissed him.  "Yeah?"

     Eloy wrapped his arms around Stephen and hugged him tight.  He wasn't
sure why he felt the need to do it, but it certainly felt right to him.
"Stephen, I love you.  Thank you for what you're doing, but it isn't the
way we should be doing it."

     Stephen raised himself up on his elbows, a bit confused by what Eloy
said.  "And how should we be doing it?" He asked curiously.

     Eloy shrugged, at a loss to explain himself.  "I'm not sure, but what
we were doing felt wrong somehow.  I think it should be more of a sharing
of what we mean to each other.  Does that make sense?" He asked, searching
Stephen's eyes with his own.  Stephen paused, arrested by the echo of
something he had heard years ago.  This was the same exact comment that his
former lover had said to him years ago in their first attempt at making
love in an abandoned warehouse in Dublin.  He shivered in response and
dropped his head on Eloy's chest.  Goosebumps rose up on his skin as he
heard the echo of Steve's comments and he was instantly taken back to the
moment when he first made love with him on the abandoned mattress.  They
had been in a derelict warehouse practicing dance moves.  It was a
convenient place to meet since they didn't have to contend with anyone
giving them a hard time.  His friend Steve had found the place and he never
asked how.  But it was a perfect place for them to work in.  They both had
dreamed of life in the spotlight and the contests were a way for them to
actually punch their way out of the situation they found themselves in.

    Stephen remembered that day clearly.  They had been working on a
particularly hard move that his friend seemed incapable of learning.  He
had bit back his comments and had patiently gone over the steps again and
again, hoping that the next time his friend would actually get it.  It had
seemed at the time that he was being deliberately obtuse, since normally he
picked up on these things rather swiftly.  Eventually, they had had an
argument and he had gone off into the next room in anger rather than take
it out on his friend.

     Steve had followed him, apologising at his inability to pick up the
dance move.  He had stood by the window, looking at the shipping vessels
moving out of the mouth of the Liffy.  Steve had walked in behind him,
standing at his shoulder and not saying anything for a long time.

     "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be nasty, but if you don't get this move,
we're never going to make it to the next competition," Stephen had said as
he looked out the window.  There were no panes, the glass having been
either smashed by some druggie or taken to be better used elsewhere.  One
thing the North Dubliners were, they were a thrifty bunch.  He had leaned
on the sill, his body hunched over in anger, but not wanting to take it out
on his best friend.  They were both 15 and it felt like the life looming
ahead of them was rather bleak.  The only thing they had to look forward to
were the weekly contests held by the different counsels.  Stephen felt they
were quite good, but lately his best friend hadn't been concentrating on
what they were doing.  He didn't know what the problem was, but he was a
bit miffed at the result.  He really didn't think that it was their ticket
out of the north side, but he did think that it was a good chance at
getting somewhere, at least.

     A hand on his shoulder made him flinch, knowing how bad he had made
his best friend feel.

     "I'm the one who should be sorry," the quiet reply came. "It's just
that my head hasn't been in it at all for a while.  I'm sorry Stephen.  I
know how much this means to you.  And I'm willing to try, honest."

    Stephen kept hunched over the window frame, shielding himself from
Steve's touch.  He was always the first one to give in on an argument and
he promised himself that he wasn't going to give in this time.  Hair hung
down over his eyes and he impatiently brushed it back.  He shrugged, not
convinced.  They had been working on this routine for over two weeks now
and Steve still didn't have it down.  He kept on tripping over himself at
odd moments.  Stephen didn't know why, but he was getting pretty sick of
whatever it was.

     "Can you at least tell me what the hell is wrong with you?" He
mumbled, not wanting to turn around and look at his friend.  He knew if he
did, he'd just give in once he had seen his face.  It was always this way
between them and he was determined not to give in this time.

     "I don't know what's wrong!" Steve cried, frustrated with himself. In
actuality, he knew damn well what it was, but he couldn't tell his best
friend that he was in love with him.  He and Stephen had never talked about
that kind of thing before and he didn't know where to begin to tell him
what was wrong.  It tore him up to see them at odds with one another, but
he just couldn't figure out a way to tell him how he felt.

    "Well, you better figure it out, you eej, if we're going to do the show
on Saturday or we better not bother," Stephen said sulkily.  He finally
turned to face his friend, noticing the stricken look on his friend's face.
Against his will, he made allowances for him. "Listen, what can I do to
help?" He leaned against the sill, facing his friend. "Tell me what it is
that is bothering you, so we can get past it and move on."  He waited
patiently as his friend looked down at the rubble on the floor.  He idly
noticed that he had never seen his friend so uncomfortable before.  He put
out a hand in reassurance and clasped Steve's shoulder.  "I'm here for you,
you know.  Why can't you tell me what's wrong?" He asked softly.  "It's not
like I'm going to hate you, no matter what it is."

     "I think you will," Steve said, glancing up briefly from the floor to
look at Stephen's face before moving out of reach and looking back down
again. "You're going get pissed off at me if I tell you."

     Stephen sighed in frustration.  He hated when his friend got morose on
him.  This had been going on for months now, but had never been as bad as
it had been this time.  He found himself clenching his fists in frustration
and made a conscious effort to stop himself from doing that.  That wasn't
the answer to this problem.  Violence never was.  It kind of frightened him
that he could get this worked up about it all and he made an effort to
relax.

     He pushed himself away from the sill and approached Steve, who
flinched as he drew near.  He saw the reaction and jumped to the wrong
conclusion.  "Steve, who's been milling with you?" He asked, his voice soft
so as not to startle his friend.  He had seen plenty of kids in the
neighborhood whose dads were tossers. While he loved Steve's parents and
thought they were grand, he did have a few relatives who weren't so great.
He reached out and put his arm around his friend, who hunched his shoulders
in response.  "You can tell me, Steve.  You can tell me anything."

     "I can't," his friend said softly, not looking up.  As much as he
wanted to, he couldn't tell his friend how he felt, because he was afraid
that it would drive him away.  Just the touch of Stephen's arm around his
shoulders caused a feeling of longing through him.

    "You can," Stephen said encouragingly.  He wrapped his other arm around
his friend in a hug.  Steve clung to him, giving into the need to be held
and they stood there for a long moment.  He noticed after a few moments
that his friend was crying and he got scared at what was really going on.
"Steve, please talk to me." He leaned down so he could look up into Steve's
face. "I can't help you if you won't tell me what's going on."

    Steve opened his eyes, looking down at his friend who was peering up
concernedly into his face.  It was the same friend whom he had loved for
longer than he could say, but never did because he knew it would kill their
friendship. "You don't know what you're asking," he said, his voice
catching in his throat.

    "I think I do," Stephen said solemnly.  It was tearing something inside
of him to see his best friend in such a condition, and himself helpless to
do anything about it.  He leaned into the hug and held Steve tight, hoping
that his action would loosen whatever was holding him back.  As he did so,
he brushed his lips against Steve's cheek and whispered into his ear, "I
trust you with all that I am. Please trust me the same way."

     Steve wrapped his arms around his younger friend in response, reduced
to sobs at his gentle persuasion.  He knew that Stephen didn't have a clue,
but he also knew that if he didn't say anything now, he never would.  He
was at a loss as to how to start.  He pulled back out of Stephen's embraced
and looked at him.  Stephen watched him worriedly, waiting for him to say
something.

     In the end, he proceeded with the only way he knew how.  He leaned
forward and kissed his friend, praying that it would all turn out all
right.

     Stephen was completely startled by his friend's actions and froze as
Steve initiated the kiss.  What really scared him was that he liked what
was happening, but hadn't realised that his own hopes had been so apparent.
He adored his older friend and known for a while that he had had a crush on
him.  He had never thought that his feelings might be reciprocated. Steve
was always the one going out with the birds and never in a million years
would he had thought that he'd be interested in him.  He found himself
really confused, but didn't want to give his friend a negative response in
any way.  So he closed his eyes and leaned into the kiss deliberately.

    Steve was startled and pulled back when he got a response from his
friend.  He looked at Stephen's face and his heart stopped at the look that
he saw in front of him.  With a trembling hand he reached up and touched
Stephen's face, startling him.

    Stephen opened his eyes, brought out of the dreamland he was in.  He
saw his friend standing in front of him, unsure about his reaction, and so
he responded in the only way he could think of, which was to reach out and
pull his best friend back into another kiss.  Neither of them questioned
their good fortune as they explored their love.  It was a rather new and
fragile thing, with neither of them knowing what to do, but Stephen was
content to let his friend take the lead and dictate what they would do.

    They had quickly found themselves down on the floor on an old mattress
left behind from some former tenant. It didn't occur to either of them that
it wasn't the most sanitary of places to meet up, either. That first time
was more of a fumbling as they each tried to find out what they wanted to
do to one another.  Steve had been in the process of giving Stephen his
first sexual experience when he had stopped.  Stephen had looked up,
curious about what might be wrong, when Steve had told him that it wasn't
the way their first time together should happen and that it should be
something they do together.  Stephen had quickly accepted and let Steve
lead him on.  It had been a special time together and the beginning of a
new part of their friendship.  It had been obvious to him from that point
on that Steve had far more experience than he did in things like this, but
he followed unquestioningly, finally feeling alive for the first time as he
experienced the love of another individual on a sexual level.

    "Stephen?" Eloy said softly, seeing his lover lost in some memory.  He
didn't want to startle him, but it was a bit scary to see him totally
motionless at his comment.

    Stephen shivered violently as he came back to the present and looked at
Eloy with an odd expression on his face.  "What?"  Eloy noticed that he
suddenly felt cold to the touch.  He gently rubbed Stephen's cold arms
reassuringly.

    "Are you all right?" He asked, his concern for Stephen evident in his
tone.  "You look like you just saw a ghost."

     Stephen closed his eyes, unable to look at his lover as he rested his
cheek against his chest.  "I just think I did."  At the questioning tone
that Eloy made, he knew he had to give an explanation.  He took a few
moments to gather his thoughts on a way to explain himself.  Eloy continued
rubbing his back, trying to warm his cold skin.

     Eventually he raised himself up on his arms and looked at Eloy, who
stared back at him with a worried expression on his face.  "I'm sorry,
darling.  I don't mean to scare you.  It's just that something you said
brought a memory I had forgotten back to me."

     "And?" Eloy asked, his question a mere whisper past his lips.  He
searched Stephen's face, looking for some reassurance that everything was
okay between them.  Stephen reached out a hand to touch Eloy, stroking the
hair off his face.  It was a good thing that he looked nothing like Steve
or he probably would have run off screaming long before now.  He closed his
eyes briefly, trying to figure out where to begin.

     "Did I ever tell you about Stephen Howard?" He asked, opening his eyes
to gauge Eloy's reaction.  Eloy slowly shook his head, indicating that he
hadn't. "Steve was my best friend growing up.  We did everything together.
School, friends, dancing... everything." He looked down and sighed, trying
to figure out how he was going to go on.  Eloy hugged him briefly in
encouragement.  It gave him the time he needed to continue.  He looked up
again so that he could watch Eloy's face as he spoke.  "He was also my
first lover."  Understanding dawned on Eloy's face as Stephen explained how
they had broken up under pressure from Louis when he had joined Boyzone.

    "To give him his due, I don't think Louis knew about the two of us.  He
was just trying to separate me from all my friends on the north side.  Said
they were a bad influence and that I needed to keep my distance if I was
going to get anywhere.  He filled my head with all sorts of excuses why.
To tell you the truth, I didn't listen to any of them," Stephen said with a
small smile on his face. "Every chance I got, I'd scoot off to meet with my
mates.  When we thought we could get away with it, Steve and I would meet
in different places around the city.

    "But once things started happening for the group, I found myself with a
lot less time on my hands as we went to London to record our first album.
Steve was devastated, thinking I was finally listening to what Louis had to
say.  If anything, it was the farthest thing from the truth.  By that time
I had told the rest of the lads about myself and they were good at helping
me out."  He smiled in reminiscing about the early days of the group.
"Keith especially.  He's a big lug, but damn if he isn't the most romantic
one in the group."  He looked up briefly to see how Eloy was responding to
his story.  Eloy nodded, silently waiting for him to go on.

    "I tried to tell Steve that I would always be there for him, I really
did." Stephen looked out into the darkness of the room, trying to find the
will to go on.  The pain was still raw within him, but he knew he had to
tell Eloy everything.  "But he wouldn't listen.  He got into the wrong
crowds once I was gone from Dublin.  When I came back, I'd go by his house
but he was never home.  There were times when Shane and I would search the
city high and low, trying to find out what rave he was at.  God love Shane.
He went through hell and back with me.  He had known Steve also from the
days when we all competed against each other on the circuit.  Sometimes
we'd find him, in the back of some party, stoned out of his mind."  Stephen
stopped briefly, the words caught in his throat.  "I felt I didn't know who
he was anymore." He rested his chin against Eloy's chest and felt a hand
rub his neck in reassurance.  "I guess he felt the same.  Only I didn't
know... I didn't realise how bad he was hurting."

    He stopped, unable to continue the story.  Eloy hugged him tight,
guessing the outcome, but not saying anything.  He rested his cheek against
Eloy's chest and listened to his heart beating strongly beneath him.  He
took solace in that, and the knowledge that what had happened was all in
the past and couldn't be undone.

    "As he got into drugs, even when he did want to be with me, he
couldn't... well, you know.  I got disgusted and bitched him out about it,
too.  Not that it did any good.  He ended up moving heavily into heroine.
Nothing I said or did seemed to have any affect.  I thought that if I
threatened to walk away completely, that it would shock him out of the
spiral he was in.  I was wrong."  Stephen closed his eyes tightly, trying
to will away the tears that sprang up.  "God, I was so wrong."

     Eloy murmured something softly, hugging him tight.  He shuddered as he
remembered. He knew now why it had taken them so long to get together.  It
was himself, not Eloy who had delayed things.  He didn't say this aloud,
but he knew he had to take the story to its conclusion.  He pushed himself
out of Eloy's embrace and looked down at him with tears in his eyes.  Eloy
was as different from his former love as day from night.  Where Steve had
always been moody and brooding, his dark Irish looks lending itself to his
mystique, Eloy was light and laughter.  He reminded himself of all the
reasons why he loved Eloy and found they were radically different from the
love he had had for Steve.

    "He ended up killing himself earlier this year." Stephen said, looking
into Eloy's eyes.  "I wasn't there for him.  I had walked away a long time
ago from what he was doing to himself."

    "Ah, honing," Eloy said softly, reaching up to cup Stephen's cheek. "It
isn't your fault, what happened. You know that, right?"

    "I don't know if I'll ever know it, E." Stephen whispered softly. "But
I think I'll always feel responsible for the fact that I wasn't there when
he needed me the most."

    "Do you think it would have changed anything?" Eloy asked him, holding
him in place with his hand.  "There always would be a time when you
wouldn't be able to be there, you know."

    "Up here, I know that," Stephen said, tapping his head. "But in my
heart, I'll never believe it."  He leaned his head into Eloy's hand willing
his pain away.  He hadn't realised how close to the surface it still was.
"I'm sorry.  This wasn't the way I wanted this to go tonight."

    Eloy pulled him down for a kiss. "It's all right, Stephen. There's no
script here, you know. I want to be here for you, to share things with you.
This is a part of that commitment we've made to each other when we said we
wanted to be in each other's lives.  I'm sorry if something I said brought
this back to you, but maybe it's something we needed to talk about before
we could go on."

    Stephen considered his comment and nodded slowly.  He wiped the tears
from his face with a sigh.  "How did you get to be so smart?"

    "Me?" Eloy asked, startled by Stephen's question.  "Nothing smart about
me at all, other than wanting to see you smile for me again."  He reached
forward and touched the wetness on Stephen's cheek.  "And to make sure this
doesn't happen again if I can prevent it."

    Stephen gave him a shaky smile. "Well, that would be a tall order to
fill, would it not?"

    "Well, some people tell me I'm a tall order myself," Eloy said with a
smile.  Stephen's smile grew in response at his answer and he leaned into
Eloy's arms for a hug.  Eloy held him tight, trying to express everything
he could in his actions.  When Stephen looked up, what he saw in Eloy's
face served to banish his dark thoughts away.

    "How are you doing?" Eloy asked, watching Stephen's face
intently. Stephen let out a sigh and nodded, a smile still hinting around
his lips.

    "A lot better, thank you darling. It was just that when you made that
comment about sharing ourselves, it was an echo of what Steve said to me
the first time that we were together.  I guess it spooked me a bit."  A
look of understanding crossed Eloy's face at his explanation and he
squeezed Stephen's shoulders reassuringly.

    "I'm sorry, I don't know where that came from, honestly.  Everything
that you were doing felt so good, but it felt like something was missing,"
Eloy explained apologetically. "Like I needed to do something, too." He
shrugged.  "Maybe your friend was talking to me, telling me to do it
right."

    Stephen seriously considered his explanation. "I don't doubt it,
sweetheart. It wouldn't be the first time I've run into ghosts in my life.
I just hope he isn't mad at me." He shivered as he thought about it.  He
had always had a problem with seeing things that weren't there.  His
mother's bedroom was one place he always avoided because he felt the
presence of someone else in there whenever she had sent him in to get
something for her.  He also ran into this feeling in hotel rooms.  There
had been a few nights on tour when he had been found knocking on one of the
other lad's doors, fearful of being in his room alone.  Keith was the most
tolerant of this and often let him crash in his room.

    "Do you honestly think he would have had me say that if he wasn't all
right with it?" Eloy asked, taking his comment seriously.  Although he
didn't have any experiences like Stephen's, he wasn't one to disregard
them.  Stephen seemed startled by his comment and thought about it for a
few moments.

    "I dunno, but maybe you're right." He said softly.  He rested his cheek
on Eloy's shoulder and let the other man stroke his hair.  He was still
mulling things over when Eloy hugged him again before rolling them both
over to their sides.  He looked up to meet Eloy's gaze.

     "Maybe it's just better if we sleep tonight," Eloy suggested softly.
He wanted to make it clear that he wasn't rejecting Stephen in any way, but
he also didn't want to force him into continuing.

     Stephen looked down as he considered the suggestion.  The smell of the
oil on Eloy's body wafted around them and he inhaled deeply.  His reply was
in the form of action as he leaned forward and blew gently on Eloy's chest.
The air caused the chemical reaction on the oil that was still there and
Eloy let out a tiny gasp at the feeling. Stephen began placing kisses all
over his chest before working his way back up to Eloy's face.  He pulled
back briefly to look in his eyes before kissing him on the lips.

     Eloy responded lovingly, opening his mouth to Stephen's tongue. They
stayed poised that way for several moments, savoring their kiss. When
Stephen pulled back again, it was to push Eloy onto his back.  He leaned
over him and kissed him again, all the while running his hand up and down
Eloy's chest.

     "Nah, I don't think so." He said quietly as he looked into Eloy's
eyes. "I think we need to do exactly what you suggested earlier."  He
deliberately placed his hand on Eloy's penis and began stroking it again,
keeping his eyes on Eloy's face.  "Let's make love."

     Eloy submitted to Stephen's wishes and reached down to touch the hand
encircling him. He had lost his erection some time before, but Stephen's
attention made him hard again.  He trailed his fingers up Stephen's arm
until he moved over to his leg.  Never breaking his gaze some Stephen's, he
reached out and caressed Stephen.  He reached up with his other hand and
gently cupped Stephen's neck, caressing his hair there.  Stephen broke into
a satisfied smile and leaned down for another kiss.  The strawberry oil was
still on his lips and Eloy nibbled at them with his own.  He pulled Stephen
down on top of him so that they were lying skin to skin and he hugged
Stephen close as he continued to explore the depths of his mouth.

     They took their time making love, neither one wanting to come to a
conclusion anytime soon.  When one of them got close to ejaculating, they
pulled back and contented themselves with light caresses and kisses.  It
heightened their awareness of each other and Eloy relished the feelings
that Stephen brought to the surface time and again.  They moved all over
the bed, changing positions as they shared the massage oil, finding new
places to explore every time they moved.  They also teased each other
gently, finding something that the other liked and bringing themselves
close to the edge of completion before retreating again.  It was like their
dance from earlier in the night, their hips moving together, their eyes
locked on one another's faces. Their hands touching lightly, lips caressing
gently. Occasionally, one or the other would graze his teeth along
sensitive skin, drawing a gasp from the other.

    Eventually, Eloy found himself kneeling behind Stephen, running his
hands alternately over his back and chest, reaching down to stroke Stephen
before working his way back upwards again.  Stephen pushed back into his
hips, grazing his penis and distracting him from what he was doing. He
found that he couldn't pull back this time and picked up the bottle of oil.
There wasn't a lot left, as was evident by the mess on the sheets.  He
poured a small amount on Stephen's buttocks, letting it slide down between
his cheeks. Stephen murmured approval as Eloy leaned forward and blew on
the glistening oil. He started stroking a finger down Stephen's cheeks
before spreading them so he could kiss him.  He let his tongue dart out and
stroke Stephen's anus, hearing a groan in response to his actions.  He felt
himself grow hard again and knew that the moment was right to go all the
way.  He gently bit Stephen's cheek, using his hand to massage the other
one roughly before kneeling upright and pulling his hips closer to his own.
Stephen backed into him, wiggling enticingly.  Eloy grinned. Stephen really
could be a tease sometimes.  He tweaked one cheek with his hand and Stephen
yelped in surprise, turning to look at what Eloy was doing.

    What he saw made him hot all over.  Eloy had snaked a hand between his
legs and was stroking him, going up and down his legs before moving to
caress his scrotum and penis.  The friction caused by the cooling oil
burned along his skin and he moaned in response.  Seeing Eloy with a full
erection behind him also stirred something deep inside him. He met Eloy's
eyes and nodded willingly, blowing a kiss in his direction.  That was all
Eloy needed as he pulled him backwards until he was sitting on his lap.
Eloy wrapped his arms around Stephen's chest and hugged him briefly before
lifting him up slightly, urging him around.  Stephen frowned at this change
of direction, but willingly moved until he was facing Eloy. He started to
say something but Eloy put a finger to his lips to silence him.  He kissed
the finger and waited, content to follow Eloy's lead.  Eloy reached down
and stroked himself a couple of times before patting his thighs in an
invitation.

     Stephen didn't have to be encouraged more than once.  He moved over so
that he could straddle Eloy's lap.  Eloy supported him from the rear,
holding him up as he moved closer.  Briefly, their penises touch in a
caress and he gasped in reaction. Eloy grabbed a hold of him and lifted him
up.  He held him there for a moment, Stephen's face above his own.  The
look of anticipation on his face was something to marvel at. Slowly, he
lowered Stephen down, spreading his cheeks as he did so for easier access.
Stephen closed his eyes and let his head roll back as Eloy slowly entered
him. The feel of Eloy's skin inside his own was almost enough to make him
ejaculate on the spot. He concentrated, trying to make sure it wasn't over
before it began.  Lips on his neck caused to him jerk in reaction and he
wrapped his arms around Eloy's shoulders before raising his head again to
look down at him.

    "Slow, baby," he said softly, wanting to make this moment last as long
as he could.  Eloy nodded, his eyes half-closed as he felt Stephen slide
around him.  They delighted in the sensations they were feeling together,
Stephen lightly caressing him wherever he could reach. They shared an
intense kiss, Eloy matching his actions below with his tongue, keeping the
same rhythm as Stephen slid up and down along him.

     Stephen started breathing heavily, unable to hold back any longer with
Eloy making such a seductive assault.  He moaned, pulling back slightly and
arching his back. Eloy grunted softly as his change in position caused new
sensations to run up and down his penis.

     "Liefste, alstublieft," he begged softly, resting his arms on Stephen
to stop his movements.  Stephen was lost in his own surge of emotions, not
really noticing that Eloy wasn't speaking English.  He responded to Eloy's
touch though and paused in mid motion.

     "What?" He asked breathlessly, opening his eyes to look down at his
lover.  Eloy was panting, sweat rolling down his chest from their
exertions.  "Something wrong?" He asked worriedly.

     "No," Eloy said, resting his sweaty head against Stephen's chest as he
tried to marshal his thoughts into some semblance of order. "It's just that
you might not have noticed, but we're not going slow anymore." He looked up
and laughed at the startled expression on Stephen's face.

    "Did I say slow?" Stephen asked, trying to remember.  Eloy nodded, his
hair brushing Stephen's chin.  "Shite, I did, didn't I?" He felt a low
rumble under his hands as Eloy chuckled tiredly.  "Well you know
something?"

    Eloy lifted his head and shook it slowly.  Stephen moved down to kiss
him on the lips and he licked Eloy before pulling back so he could focus on
his face.  "I don't think that slow is an option anymore.  What about you?"

    Eloy broke into a grin and pushed further inside Stephen. Stephen let
out a sigh before breaking into a huge grin.  "Hmmm, I see your point," he
said with a laugh.  He lifted himself up off of Eloy's lap before wiggling
his way back down again.  Eloy shuddered in response, Stephen's movements
were close to pushing him over the edge. He leaned back again, loving the
way Eloy scraped inside him as he moved.  This had been the moment that he
had been waiting for months now, and to finally be at this point excited
him to no end.

     He took control, using his legs to push himself up before slowly
lowering himself back down again.  The feeling of Eloy filling him time and
again was simply incredible, his touch inside shooting darts inside
Stephen's body.  His penis slid up against Eloy's abdomen as he moved and
he focused on the tip touching Eloy's skin.  He saw that he was already
leaking and knew that it wasn't going to be much longer. So he pulled up so
that Eloy was almost outside before shimmying down slowly, taking in his
length a tiny bit at a time.  He could feel himself rubbing against Eloy's
chest and leaned in for one last kiss as he ejaculated.  His shudder
reverberated through to Eloy who felt him squeezing tight.  Eloy shook,
finally giving into the urge like Stephen had. He moaned into Stephen's
mouth, his body jerking slightly in reaction. Stephen felt a rush of warmth
inside him and smiled against Eloy's lips at the feeling.  They kept on
kissing as they came down from their high of making love.  Stephen left his
lips and left a trail of kisses across his face before resting his head
against Eloy's shoulder.  He was covered in sweat, his limbs that were
intertwined with Eloy's making an odd slick sounding noise as they
repositioned themselves more comfortably.

    "Wow," Eloy said softly in Stephen's ear, making him smile. "That was
incredible, sweetheart."  He had a hard time concentrating on speaking
English, but he really wanted to get it right the first time. "Thank you,
Stephen." He stroked the back of Stephen's head with a loving touch.
"Thank you for this moment, and for making it so special."  He pushed
Stephen's shoulders and with a tired but satisfied sigh, Stephen raised his
head to look Eloy in the eye.  "I love you."


     "God, I love you baby," Stephen said, smiling tiredly down at his
lover.  "And thank you, for making it special for both of us."  He leaned
down for a light kiss, enjoying the feel of Eloy's lips on his own. "And
thank you for knowing when the time was right.  It was perfect."  Although
Eloy was losing his erection, he was still inside Stephen and Stephen
wiggled appreciatively.  Eloy bit back a groan.  He thought to himself that
if Stephen kept that up and would be raring to go again, but they were both
too tired to make the attempt.

   "I do think we made a bit of a mess, however," Stephen said
apologetically as he looked around the bed.  Oil was glistening on the
sheets from their playing, and when he looked down between them, he could
see that he had made quite a mess of his own.  He smiled shyly up at Eloy.
"Sorry."

    Eloy followed his gaze downwards before looking back up with a laugh.
"Don't ever be sorry for that, liefste. That, we can always clean up
afterwards.  I'd rather you enjoy yourself than not."  He smiled up at
Stephen happy to see him smiling again. "Think we should do something about
cleaning up?"

    Stephen considered the question, lightly tugging on Eloy's
hair. "Perhaps.  It will make for some sticky sleeping, otherwise. What's
the best way to go about it?"  He asked, considering the possibilities.

    "Like this," Eloy said, grunting as he raised them off the bed.
Stephen wrapped his legs around Eloy's waist for balance as he stood up and
stepped off the bed.  One of his legs had fallen asleep from Stephen's
weight resting on it and he stumbled slightly before recovering.  "Oops."

    "You okay?" Stephen asked, a worried look on his face.  He wiggled,
silently asking to get down, but his movement caused a reaction from Eloy
who was still inside of him and he paused, an odd look on his face.  "Good
Lord, you can't be ready again, can you?" He asked in amazement.

    "No, not at all.  That's just a mild twitch," Eloy laughed.  "But if
you keep up what you're doing, I will be in a while."  Stephen blushed at
the knowledge that he had that kind of effect on Eloy.

    "As much as I'd love to, darling, I'm not sure I could take it again
right away," Stephen admitted softly, a red tinge still staining his
cheeks.  Eloy laughed and raised Stephen up off of him before setting him
down in front of him.  Stephen leaned against him and hugged him
tight. "Ugh, we need a shower."

    "Ja, we do," Eloy said with a laugh.  "But first things first." He
gently pushed Stephen back and leaned down to give him a kiss. "Let's strip
the bed before we duck in the shower."  Stephen nodded and they separated
with a smile before turning towards the bed.  It was a mess, the sheets
pulled off the top end and a tangle of sheets and blankets covered with
massage oil in the middle.  Eloy quickly pulled off the sheets, his mind
briefly touching on the remembrance of the last time he had been forced to
strip his bed in the middle of the night because of sticky sheets.  He
found himself glancing over to make sure that Stephen was with him and felt
reassured to find that he still was beside him.

    They bundled up the dirty sheets and dropped them in the laundry bin
before heading off to the bathroom for a shower together.