Date: Fri, 08 Mar 2002 22:25:37 -0800
From: musicfan@fiberia.com
Subject: Where Do We Go #47

Disclaimer:

   Chapter 47 is the next chapter in an ongoing story about Stephen Gately
from Boyzone and Eloy de Jong, formerly of Caught in the Act.  I have no
contact, with either gentleman or group, so these chapters exist within the
imagination of the author's mind, combined with public events that happened
during this time.

   Cheers,

   Musicfan


###



     Michelle rang the house early the next morning. She had called the
night before and found out that Stephen had gone out for a meeting with
Louis.  Naturally suspicious, she wanted to speak with Stephen about what
had happened.  She had never liked Louis or his scheming ways, and knew
that nothing good could come out of it.  She was surprised to find that
Stephen was already out, early though it was.  She chatted with her mother
for a bit before hanging up.  She chewed her lip, wondering if Stephen had
even come home the night before.

     She tried his mobile, but apparently he had it off.  Frustrated, she
thought about going to find him, but wouldn't know where to look. She
figured he wouldn't appreciate her running around and tracking him down so
she had to content herself with waiting for him to ring her back.

     By late afternoon when she hadn't heard from him, she called her
husband and told him to meet her at her parents after work.  Then, packing
Jordan into the car, she headed off to Dublin. Stephen eventually had to
come home, and she wanted to be there when he was.  By the time she got to
the house, it was to find out from a neighbour that he had gone for a walk
with their mother.  Frustrated again in her attempts, she went to the
kitchen and started supper for her mother.  Her mother always planned out
the evening meal, putting the main ingredient on the top shelf of the
fridge. By the time she heard the door close, everything was well underway.

     Her mother stepped into the kitchen and sniffed appreciatively. "Oh
darling, you didn't have to do that!" She exclaimed, spying her only
daughter sitting with a cup of coffee in her hands.

     "Of course I didn't.  That's why I did." She said promptly, leaning
into her mother's caress.  "Did Stephen come back with you?"

     "Yes, he did." Margaret said, moving away to the sink and pouring
water into the kettle for a cup of tea.  "He's outside talking to some
fans.  He should be in soon."  She sat down as she waited for the water to
boil and looked at her daughter. "I will tell you he's not in the most
talkative mood. Very moody in fact. That's why I made him go on a walk with
me."

     Michelle sighed, resting her chin in her hand. "I knew no good would
come out of him having a talk with Louis.  That one is always up to no
good!" She said darkly. The sound of the front door closing could be heard
and in a few moments Stephen stepped into the kitchen.  Their mother got up
from her chair and poured herself a cup of tea.

     "Hey Michelle," Stephen said, dropping down into the seat beside her
with a sigh.  She looked at him, noticing that he had circles under his
eyes like he hadn't slept well the night before. "You sneak in just to cook
dinner?"

     "Something like that," she admitted, knowing it wasn't the time nor
the place to ask him what was wrong.  If their mother had been after him,
he would just close up and not answer anything at this point.

     Margaret started bustling around the kitchen, getting the rest of the
meal ready.  Michelle had already washed and peeled the potatoes, so she
set about cutting them up to put in the pan to boil.  She shooed them out
of the kitchen so they wouldn't get in her way.  Michelle knew exactly what
she was doing, which was to give them some time alone.  She knew if anyone
could get Stephen to open up, it was his older sister.

     They moved into the parlour and Stephen turned on the television,
listlessly flipping through the dial.  Jordan was asleep on the sofa, so he
sat down on the floor in front of it, not wanting to wake his nephew.

     Michelle hesitated, trying to bring up a way to start the
conversation, and was stumped.  The silence continued while Stephen sat
watching, and she chewed her lip as she thought about a way to approach
him. Finally she perched herself on the end of the sofa closest to her
brother and started giving him a shoulder rub.

      He leaned his head forward, tacitly accepting her massage without a
word.  She dug into the knots in his back, feeling a coiled tension in him
that she hadn't seen in weeks.  It reminded her of the last time he had
been home while doing the promotional work and tour.  After a little while
he sagged back against her, a little more relaxed than when he had sat
down.

     "Do you want to talk about it," she asked softly, leaning down to
whisper into his ear.  He shook his head, not wanting to say anything. "It
might help, you know."

     "I can't. Not here, anyhow." Stephen murmured in a low tone.  He knew
his sister wanted only to help, but he couldn't see a way that she could in
this situation.  He knew that she'd say something nasty about Louis and
tell him not to worry about any of it, because they couldn't prove
anything.  But he also knew how the record company worked and that Louis
hadn't made an idle threat.

     "Let's go upstairs then, away from listening ears," she suggested.  He
hesitated, knowing that if he let loose, he was going to fall apart.  He
shook his head, and she pulled on his arm.  "Come on.  You know I'm not
going to stop badgering you until I know what's going on."

     He sighed, knowing full well that she meant what she said. He allowed
her to pull him to his feet and followed her up the stairs and into the
bedroom he shared with his brother.  After closing the door behind them she
sat on Tony's bed, wrinkling her nose at the mess around it. A shadow of a
smile reached his face at her reaction as he crawled onto his own bed and
leaned against the wall under the eaves.  He didn't even know how to begin
to tell her what had happened.

     She sat on the bed, her legs crossed at the ankles as she looked at
her brother.  "So, what did that git tell you last night that put you in
this kind of a mood?"

     Stephen looked down at his hands, which he had been wringing
unconsciously as he sat there waiting for his sister to speak. He knew she
was going to go ballistic when she heard what happened, and knew that she'd
also have a strong opinion about what he should do.  Not that he had a
choice in the matter, but she wouldn't think of that.  So, haltingly he
told the story of the night before, going through the conversation with
Louis at the Pod.  Her face grew still as he talked and he told her how he
had wandered the streets for hours trying to figure out what to do.  He
ignored the tears that started sliding down his cheeks and told her of the
conversation with Eloy, and their decision to cool things down for a while.
He glossed over the conversation, but she could see from the misery in his
face that the decision was killing him.

     "Oh, honey," she said softly, eyes glistening with unshed tears and
her heart going out to her brother.  She knew very well that Louis had
played him like a fiddle, touching on his fears and playing off his concern
for his friends to make him pick the decision he had wanted Stephen to
take.  She found herself getting angrier by the moment, especially since
she knew he probably was the one who had told the company, if they really
did know what was doing on.

    "The thing that I can't figure out is how did anyone find out?  We were
being so fecking careful about it all! How did they know? Who told them?"
Stephen cried softly, mindful of where they were, but his pain needed an
outlet.  "Who?"

    Michelle thought about it for a few moments, going over it in her mind.
"Who?  Think of anyone who might have known.  Start listing them and we'll
see where we get."

    Stephen stared at her, surprised by the suggestion.  He looked down,
trying to think of all the possible people who knew about him having a
relationship with Eloy. "The lads," he said, not really thinking that any
of them would do such a thing.

    She nodded, but dismissed them with one hand. "I don't think any of the
other lads would do something like that. Who else?"

    "Who else knew about Eloy and I?  You, his mother and sister.  That's
it.  No one else."  Stephen asserted, positive that they had covered
everyone.  None of them seemed likely candidates to rat on him.

    "Who else might know you're with someone, but not know its Eloy?"
Michelle asked, musing out loud.  "Louis didn't mention him by name, did
he?"  When Stephen shook his head at her question, she continued.  "Then he
doesn't know who you're involved with, just that you are involved with
someone."

    Stephen felt a little better at working things out with his sister.
She could always be counted to keep a perspective on things and just
talking together was already helping clear his head.  He thought of who
else might suspect something, or know anything at all.  He shrugged
helplessly. "I can't think of anyone."

    She stared thoughtfully at him for a moment.  "Who else knows you spent
time with another man, Stephen?"  When he stared at her, not sure where she
was going with her questioning, she sighed.  "Mam. And Alan.  Lord knows if
anyone would go squeal like a stuck pig to Louis, it would be Alan."

      Stephen stared at her, thunderstruck by her comment. Surely his own
brother wouldn't do something like that! His mind refused to believe
it. "No, not Alan."

     "Who else?" Michelle asked softly.  "He's certainly made his feelings
known about what he thinks.  Don't you think he'd love to take a tale to
someone about this?  Just be glad he went to Louis, and not the press for a
quick buck."  Her brother blanched at her comment and her heart went out to
him.  He still could be rather naïve about life sometimes, and the fact
that he couldn't conceive of his brother ever doing anything like that
showed what a generous heart he had and how much he still had to
learn. "Maybe I'm wrong, but it certainly sounds like something he'd do."

     "I dunno, Shel," Stephen said, chewing on his lip. "I can't see him
doing it.  I just can't."  They sat silently for a time, each lost in their
own thoughts.

     "Eloy agreed to this?" She asked, coming back to the topic at hand.
Stephen closed his eyes, feeling desperately tired.

     "He did, though it wasn't willingly.  Michelle, I feel awful about it,
but I also feel trapped.  I don't have a choice, and if ever word got out
about him, he would be in the same boat.  So if anything, we have to cool
things down for a while.  Maybe someday, we can get back together, but for
now, we just can't."  He stumbled over the last words, feeling miserable.
If Louis were right in his prediction about the album, it would only get
worse, not better.  When he thought of this going on for years, he knew
that Eloy would only wait so long before drifting away.  It was inevitable
and his thoughts brought a renewal of the tears as he thought of a future
without him.

    "Oh sweetheart," his sister said softly, getting up and moving over to
sit next to him on the bed. "It will work out.  Really it will."

    "That's just it," he said, his eyes closed in an effort to stop the hot
tears from dripping down his cheeks. "I can't see that it will ever work
out."  He felt his sister's arms wrap themselves around him and he leaned
against her, stifling sobs against her shoulder.  She rocked him in her
arms and he clung to her, seeking a comfort she couldn't offer him.

    "It will because you both want it to," Michelle asserted, trying to
sound positive.  She felt she had to, for his sake.  His pain felt like a
tangible thing to her, and she knew that she could only imagine what he was
going through, never having had anything like that happen to her,
personally.  "All you can do is to take it one step at a time.  Be patient,
wait for the time, and it will come."

    "Will it really?" He asked, lifting his tear-streaked face from her
shoulder.  She nodded solemnly, trying to give him the courage to believe
her.  "I don't know..."

   "Believe, Stephen.  Keep the hope, and things will work out. Trust me,
honey."  She rested her cheek against his, kissing him.  "It will be fine
in the end."

   "God, I hope so. If I think of a life without him, I don't think it
would be worth living," he said softly and she had to suppress a shiver at
his comment.  While she was sure he didn't mean it the way it sounded to
her, she got scared when he made comments like that.

   In an effort to distract him, she made him lie down and rest.  He
admitted he hadn't slept at all the night before, leaving the house early
in the morning to go for another walk while he tried to sort things
out. She sat on his bed, tucking him in and turning the light off so it
wouldn't bother him.  Then, singing him softly to sleep, she went back
downstairs.  Other members of the family had come in while they had been
upstairs and she said that Stephen was sleeping, since he was feeling a
might poorly. Her husband showed up a short while later and Jordan crawled
over him, happy to see his father. She was glad that her brother Alan
hadn't chosen to show up for the evening meal, as she didn't know what she
would do if she were to see him at the moment.  The family didn't question
her story about Stephen and decided to let him sleep while they shared the
evening meal.  Their mother made sure she saved enough extra for both
Stephen and Alan if they were hungry later.


* * *

     A few days after Stephen's meeting with Louis, each of the lads got a
call from their tour manager telling them that the record was on hold for a
new tour.  Stephen was scared that the company had actually gotten wind of
his relationship and he made himself sick worrying about whether they were
going to say something to him.  He was actually relieved that they weren't
going back into the studio right away, and thought that an Asian tour was
probably the best thing at the moment.

     The next few weeks were filled with fitting sessions with various
designers for the clothes they were going to take with them. They didn't
have much time to rehearse, but having just come off the European tour they
had a lot of practise already, and the Asian tour wasn't going to have the
same type of staging that they normally did in the UK and Europe. It seemed
like no time had passed before the day arrived for them to get on the plane
and head out to their first stop in the Philippines.

     He chose not to talk to any of the other lads, not wanting to burden
any of them with his problems.  Their tour manager Mark made sure that they
all got to the airport in time for their flight to the Far East. Stephen
thought it was better to say goodbye to his family at home rather than
troop everyone to the airport, so his mother had a dinner the night before
his flight for the whole family.  Michelle kept on watching him with
concern, but he smiled at her, not wanting to talk about it.  His family
had a nice evening together, though his mother was constantly telling him
to be careful of the foreign food and water. He welcomed the distraction,
even though he had heard it before when he had gone with the group for
their first tour through Asia. However, it kept her occupied, and he was
able to forget about his problems in the hustle of getting everything
together for his trip.  He went to bed that evening tired enough that he
actually got some sleep.  His brother woke him in the morning as he was
getting ready for school and Stephen spent the morning putting the last of
his stuff in his old battered suitcase, his mother hovering as he did so.

    Before he knew it, the people mover was out in front of the house,
beeping the horn.  He gave his mother one last hug and a kiss, made sure he
had everything he needed, and dragged his suitcase out the door.  Jamie was
there on the stoop and took his suitcase to the back of the van where he
stored it behind the seat.  Stephen got into the front seat next to him and
waved to his mother, who was standing on the walk watching him.  Jamie
stopped and picked up Ronan and Mikey and told them that the others would
meet them at the airport.  They got there in good time, wading their way
through the crowd of fans who were there to see them off.  An article had
been leaked to the local papers about their tour plans and the fans were
there in force to give them a good send off.  They made their way through
the security checkpoints and got to their gate, meeting their band mates
and fellow travelers in the waiting area.  Together with their security,
they took up most of the plane and they settled down for the long flight.

    While they were prepared for the madness that they had encountered in
their past trip to the Far East, nothing could prepare them for the mass
hysteria they found in each of the countries they visited.  Stephen was a
bit shocked by the way the fans were treated by the police in those
countries, and no matter where they went, the fans tended to be shoved back
by the security at most of their appearances.  They were told that this was
for their own good, but he was disturbed by the fans' reactions when they
did get to meet their idols at the concerts they did as well as promotional
appearances at record stores and radio stations.  They were kept so busy
that often they didn't have time to even think, which was something Stephen
welcomed.  He got lost in the promotion and performing, and was able to put
thoughts about Eloy on hold while he traveled, working himself into a
stupor most nights, crashing into his bed and falling asleep almost
immediately.  From one day to the next he had no idea of where he was,
never mind what was going on.  He left that to Mark to run things, making
sure with the record company that they got to the right destination each
time.

    When they did get time off, he was more likely to sit in the hotel room
than to go out with the other lads.  He just didn't have any energy left.
Occasionally Ronan would lure him out with attempts to go shopping, but
Stephen wasn't interested.  It was all he could do to keep himself going
for the tour.  Often, he skipped their nightly meeting in the bars because
the last thing he wanted to do was get into a conversation about missing
their loved ones at home. He knew eventually that one of them would ask how
things were going with Eloy, and he didn't want to have to tell them what
had happened.  It wasn't their problem to deal with.  And while he did
spend a lot of nights up late thinking about Eloy and wondering how he was
getting on during their enforced separation, he was often too tired to
spend a lot of time worrying too much.

     The tour was pretty much a whirlwind that he walked through in a
daze. No sooner had they wrapped that up and come home when they found out
they were back on the road for another tour to do more promotion. Stephen
was beginning to feel stifled by the constant touring, but it kept his mind
off of his personal life, for which he was incredibly grateful.  The rest
of the lads were focused on Ronan, who was having a rough time being on
tour while his mam was sick.  He saw for himself the amount of strain Ronan
was under and felt that his problems couldn't even begin to compare to it.
So he shoved it all down where it wouldn't show and put his tour face on,
doing everything that was required of him.

     One thing that happened which made him feel that life was looking up
was that Louis told him they were going to put his song as the b-side to
the next single release.  He had pulled Stephen aside one of the times that
they were back in London for a respite and from the way he told the story,
he gave Stephen the impression that he had convinced the record company to
do this as thanks for his cooperation after the Dublin break.  Stephen was
thrilled that the song was going be released by the record company and
looked forward to promoting Shooting Star along with the a-side, which
Ronan had the lead on.

     With all of the constant push from both Louis and the record company,
none of them had a decent break other than a day here or there, though
Ronan did take some time off to fly home to be with his mam when he could.
In the face of what he was going through, none of the others felt like they
could demand anything, so they soldiered through the heavy promotion for
the single.


* * *


     As the weeks and months went by without word from Stephen, Eloy
drifted in a haze, not really in touch with what was going on.  The only
time he came alive was when his group was on stage and he felt he could
submerge himself in their performances.  They were getting great reviews
from critics on the single, though the album was getting mixed reviews, the
fans were still swarming wherever they went.  If his band mates noticed a
change in him, they chocked it down to the same tiredness that they were
all experiencing on this tour of increased work.

     Eloy found himself at one of the many industry parties in Amsterdam,
not really paying attention to the crowd around him.  Music thumped a
hypnotic beat at him, and he caught the sickly sweet smell of someone
smoking marijuana nearby.  He found himself drinking more than he normally
would in an effort to just keep himself from thinking.  It had been ages
since he had heard from Stephen, and he had heard they were on tour again,
so he knew that Stephen probably was flat out running around. He found
himself picking up the teen magazines that got left around at many of their
parties and he would flip through them just to see if Stephen or his
friends were mentioned.  They appeared on a lot of the magazines that he
had seen.  Each time he saw a picture of Stephen, he scrutinised it,
noticing the tired lines on his face and pensive looks that other people
probably wouldn't notice.  It worried him to see Stephen so somber in the
pictures and Eloy would get the urge to try and contact him.  Many times he
had reached for the phone, only to stop in his tracks, knowing that they
weren't supposed to be in contact with each other.

    He wandered around the crowd, not really paying attention to what was
going on.  Occasionally he'd nod to the greeting of someone who called his
name, or tugged on his sleeve, dragging him into a conversation that he
didn't really pay attention to at all.  He could see the others in the
crowd, going through pretty much the same thing.  Feeling a little stifled,
he made his way through the hotel suite to a doorway, hoping it lead to
someplace a bit more private.

    In the next room, he found he had reached a bedroom.  As he closed the
door behind him, he felt the relief of experiencing a bit of peace and
quiet for himself.  He moved to the other side of the room where sliding
glass doors opened up to a balcony.  Feeling the need to clear his head, he
opened the door and stepped out onto the balcony.

     It was dark outside, and he found himself enjoying the relative quiet
of the night.  This side of the hotel faced the pool area, which had been
shut down for the night.  He made his way to the railing and leaned against
it, not letting himself think.

     He wasn't sure how long he had been out there before the sound of a
shoe scraping against something made him look around.  He saw the light of
a burning cigarette behind him as someone stood in the shadow of the
building.  Unable to recognise who it was, he turned back, disinterested in
having a conversation with anyone.  Silently, he willed the other person to
go away, leaving him in peace.  When the silence stretched out, he thought
that he had gotten his wish when he felt someone lean against the railing
beside him.

     "Nice night, ja?" A voice he knew well said in the darkness and he
turned away, not wanting to have a confrontation with his former
lover. "You look down, liefste.  Care to talk?"

     This was a new approach on Carlo's part.  Normally he made dramatic
comments and demands.  The gentle question and endearment cut past any
rebuttal that Eloy would have made and so he said nothing.

     "It does help sometimes, you know." Carlo went on, glancing over at
Eloy's face briefly as he flicked his cigarette ashes over the railing.
"And even if we can't be lovers anymore, I think it would be nice if we
could stay friends."

     Eloy closed his eyes, wanting to push Carlo away, but he found himself
responding to his words.  He felt like if he didn't let off some steam at
some point that he would explode.  But this was the last person he should
be talking to about his personal problems.  He had hoped that Lee or Ben
would be able to talk, but Ben was still mired in the misery of his own
breakup and with Lee he just hadn't had the time to talk with him alone.
Sometimes he thought that the world was conspiring against him.  It always
seemed that way, the last few years.  Every time when he found himself
happy or content, the rug would get yanked out from under him.  He had
often wondered what he had done to deserve such a fate, since he never
seemed to get a break.

     When he opened his eyes again, it was to see Carlo's face peering at
him in concern.  Carlo had flicked his cigarette over the edge and had
leaned on the railing, trying to see what was wrong.  He turned his face
away and Carlo reached out, tentatively touching his sleeve before
reluctantly pulling his hand back.

     "Please, Eloy.  All I want to do is help. Just as a friend. Nothing
else." Carlo pleaded.  Eloy sighed.

     "It's nothing you can do, Carlo.  It's just... just the pace of this
promotion. You know how it is.  We've been running around for weeks.  We're
tired.  There's no end in sight and all I want to do is just collapse in a
heap and sleep." Eloy said quietly, his voice barely carrying to where
Carlo was standing.  He was waiting for Carlo to point out that he had
warned him about this very thing months ago, and to say that he was right.
He was surprised when Carlo said nothing.  Though he longed to be able to
talk about Stephen to someone, the man next to him was the last person he
would confide in.  Not because he expected Carlo to tell anyone, but
because he didn't want to hurt Carlo's feelings anymore than he had
already.

    Carlo wrapped his arm around Eloy's waist and hugged him
briefly. "Nothing lasts forever, honing. Ja, you feel tired right now.
With your schedule, who wouldn't be?  But you'll get through it.  You have
in the past and there's nothing different this time. When it's done in the
spring you can relax, right?  Just be patient."

    Eloy was startled with Carlo's comment.  This was the man he had first
fell in love with all those years ago.  The gentle man who would pat him on
the back, shore him up when things went wrong, and support him.  Not the
man that Carlo had become in recent years.  He closed his eyes, willing
himself not to get choked up by the other man's gesture. As he well knew,
this was just one facet of Carlo's character.  He knew the others as well
and he knew that Carlo probably hadn't changed much in the past few months
since they had parted.

    "Where is this new love of yours, Eloy?" Carlo asked, unable to
restrain himself.  He was still consumed with jealousy that Eloy had found
someone else to care for him, but at the same time, he was mad on his
behalf that this invisible lover of Eloy's wasn't supporting him the way he
should. "Why isn't he telling you these things?"

    The last subject that Eloy wanted to discuss with Carlo was Stephen.
But he felt the need to protect him and to justify why he wasn't running to
Stephen with his problems.

    "He does, and he has," Eloy said quietly, thinking back to the times
when Stephen had encouraged him on the phone when faced with the brutal
pace his group was on.  He did a mental comparison as to how Carlo would
have reacted to the cancellation of their weekend together, and knew that
he would have had a fit, despite his compassion now. "But he has his own
job and career, and can't be with me every moment of the day."

    "If you were important enough to him, he would be," Carlo asserted.  He
couldn't help but give a dig to this unknown paramour who had usurped his
place in Eloy's life.  "Surely he knows how important this is to you right
now."

    "He does.  More than you will ever know," Eloy said, thinking of their
sacrifice for the sake of their careers and the careers of their friends.
In the face of Carlo's comments, he found his resolve firming and
irrationally, he felt better about the situation with Stephen. "That's not
the problem.  I'm quite happy with the way that is going." He found to his
own surprise that he really did feel that way.  And that what Stephen had
done was magnificent, selfless and wonderful. Had he been faced with this
same situation with Carlo, he knew that Carlo would have said that they
should do what they wanted and the hell with the consequences.  It was one
of the essential differences between his past and present lovers that made
him admire Stephen all the more.

    Carlo felt that something was different with Eloy, even though nothing
much had been said between them.  He seemed a bit more cheerful, though
still tired.  "I still think that he should be here with you, by your side.
You need to be coddled, taken care of.  That's not happening, from what I
can see."  His tone had an edge as he left unsaid the implication that he
needed to do those things for Eloy.

    That brought a big grin onto Eloy's face. "Carlo, you just don't
understand, do you?  I don't need to be coddled or taken care of.  I need
to know that my love is there for me when I need to lean on him, and be
there to do the same for him when he needs it. I would love for him to be
by my side right now, but I know that isn't possible, for any number of
reasons."  He turned to look at Carlo in the face, the light from the
bedroom casting half of his face in shadow.  "But I know that when I need
him, he'll be there for me."

    Carlo didn't know what to say to Eloy's declaration.  The calm surety
of Eloy's comments meant that he wasn't at all insecure in his relationship
with this mystery man.  Deep down, he knew there wasn't a chance of them
getting back together again, and this time he was ready to admit it.

    "I'm happy for you, then, Eloy." He said quietly, fishing out another
cigarette and lighting it.  "Obviously this man is the one for you.  I just
wished you looked happier sometimes."

    "I'm just tired, Carlo.  All this running around..." Eloy waved away
Carlo's offer of a cigarette. "It just gets to be a bit much.  But it will
pass.  It always does."

    "If you ever need someone to talk to, you know my number, eh?" Carlo
said, smiling up at Eloy.  It seemed like their relationship had taken a
turn during the conversation and he found that once he had made the
decision not to fight for Eloy with his unknown lover, that he could relax
in the younger man's company.

    "Thanks, Carlo." Eloy smiled down at Carlo, equally aware that
something had changed between them.  He actually welcomed it.  The last
thing he wanted was to have this constant tension between the two of them.
With their two jobs, they would be seeing each other a lot, and the last
thing he wanted was more strife.  He leaned down and kissed Carlo on the
cheek.  "I remember."

    "You do that. Now, I think there's a party we're missing, ja?" Carlo
said with a grin.  "I'm going back in, what about you?"

    "In a minute.  I like it out here at the moment." Eloy said.  Carlo
nodded and with one last touch, headed back through the doors of the
bedroom and back to the party.  Eloy turned and leaned against the railing.
Making a decision, he pulled out his mobile and dialed a number by heart.

    The phone rang a few times before the message service kicked in and
Eloy closed his eyes as he listened to the voice on the other end.

   "Hey, how are ya?  Can't get to the phone right now, or I've lost the
damn fool thing again.  Knowing me, probably both.  Anyhow, leave a message
and I'll get back to you... hopefully before we're both old and grey!  Bye
now!" Stephen's message made him smile and as he listened to the tone, he
gathered his thoughts to leave a message.

   "Hallo, Stephen.  Just your friend Eloy calling to say hi and I hope
that all is well.  Haven't been in touch in a while, so I thought I'd drop
you a line, seeing how you are getting on and all.  Give me a ring when you
get a chance.  Bye," Eloy said before ringing off.  He deliberately left a
harmless message, similar to ones he had left over the last few years
before they had become lovers.  Since there was never a problem in the past
when they were just friends, he didn't see a reason why they couldn't keep
touch that way.  Mainly, he wanted Stephen to know that he was there,
thinking of him, and that he hadn't dropped off the face of the planet.

   He heard his name being called from inside the party somewhere, and
decided it was time to go back in.  Ironically, he felt better for his
conversation with Carlo.  It didn't make much sense, but those things never
seemed to make sense at all.


* * *

    Stephen fell into the chair in his hotel room, aching all over his
body.  All they had been doing was sitting in on the mix for the album, but
he felt like he had been running a marathon.  Recording a few impromptu
harmonies, he had been up and down the stairs from the studio to the
engineering booth and it had eventually caught up with him.  The last few
days had flown by as they finalised the tracks they were working on
here. The Christmas break they had flew by in the blink of an eye and the
next thing they knew, they were back at work on the album.  Stephen
welcomed the return to the studio, feeling like Louis' threat was finally
over.  They had been working like dogs, traveling to the hot new studio in
Sweden that everyone wanted to record at. They did have a short break when
Ronan's mother passed away, taking time to let him get back in the swing of
things.  Stephen thought it had been too soon when he returned so soon
after the funeral, but had respected his need to immerse himself in the
work.  Several times he had tried to talk to his friend about it, wanting
Ronan to know that if he needed it, that he was there to be a shoulder to
lean on.  But Ronan tried to act like nothing had happened and he pushed on
with the recording they did at Cheiron.  Stephen was disturbed by it, but
had to respect his friend's wishes.

   Their recording in Sweden was interrupted by a short break when
everything finally caught up with Ronan and he had to get away and clear
his head.  Stephen took the opportunity to go home, spending time with his
family.  His sister was mad that he refused to talk about the fact that he
hadn't been in touch with Eloy.  He got stubborn, deciding that his sister
was entirely too bossy and had no reason to tell him what to do in his
personal life.  He spend the time he had with his friends who were working
on remodeling the house he had bought, approving anything they wanted to
do.  He trusted them to know what he liked, so he wasn't bothered with them
ideas they had.  His sister wasn't too happy with his cavalier attitude,
but wasn't going to press him in the mood he was in.

    He also happened upon a chance of a lifetime that meant the world to
him.  Someone he had been chatting up at Polydor had agreed to set up a
meeting with one of his idols, Andrew Lloyd Webber.  He was a fan of all of
Webber's plays and was intimidated with the thought of getting to meet the
man himself.  When they did get together, he found that Andrew was quite
down to earth, and they spent their dinner together chatting about music
and what Andrew was up to next.  Their discussion had followed them from
the dinner table to the music room where Andrew had insisted on playing
some of the pieces he was working on for a new play he had in mind.

    When he saw how captivated Stephen was with the music, he suggested he
take a look at the songs and possibly record a track for a type of
soundtrack album concept that Andrew had been considering.  His writing
partner had suggested the idea, and when he saw Stephen's enthusiasm, he
decided it was a great idea.  He suggested that Stephen do a demo track for
him just to see where it might go.

     Stephen was over the moon about the meeting, and chatted it up to
everyone he knew.  The rest of the lads were quite tolerant and supportive,
encouraging him to do the demo track in between their studio breaks.  It
was the happiest that Stephen had been in months and he threw himself into
the recording sessions.  When he was done, he sent the demo tape off to
Andrew, and picked up again with his Boyzone work.

    The change from winter to spring brought another short tour for Stephen
and Ronan to the Far East to do some promoting.  While they were gone in
March, they got a call from Keith, who told them that Shane had proposed to
Easther and that they were getting married in England.  Both men were
surprised at the sudden announcement, but not surprised with Shane's
seemingly spur of the moment decision.  Stephen had wondered who was going
to be the first to go ahead and get married.  Personally, for a long time
his bet had been on Mikey, but his relationship with Sharon had fallen
apart in the wake of enforced separations and the demands of being in the
band.  Stephen regretted missing Shane's wedding, but knew it was probably
something deliberately done to just keep it to the family.

    Spring also brought about the first release from their next album, and
they went to work on the video for All That I Need.  Despite long meetings
with the record company on storyboards, when they showed up for the shoot,
it was completely different from what was described at the meetings they
were at.  They took it all in good stride, never ones to really want to do
videos.  Stephen was a bit disappointed, having been really excited about
some of the other ideas they had seen, but he wasn't about to make a scene
when the rest of them seemed okay with what they had.  It seemed like he
never had time to himself as they worked, constantly running from one thing
to the next.  They were flying back and forth between London and Stockholm,
and hardly had time to hang their hats before they were returning to work
on something else.

    Ronan decided he needed a break, but the rest of them were left with
doing interviews that had already been scheduled.  They were sympathetic,
all thinking that he should have taken a lot more time off than he had
originally.  But Stephen felt like he was in shock when Ronan came back
home and announced that he had gotten married while on his holiday.  He
felt like he had been sidelined by the announcement, and worried that his
friend had done it as a spur of the moment thing, frantic for someone to
care for the way he had his mam.  Stephen really liked Yvonne, but worried
that it was something that his friend hadn't really thought out.  They all
worried how the fans were going to take it, but knew that Ronan had
probably presented it as a fait accompli so that Louis wouldn't have any
say in the manner.  Stephen was happy that he wasn't around when Louis
found out, though he saw that he was mad enough for a long time afterwards.
Louis hated when anyone changed his careful planning.  Even his favourite,
Ronan. It took him a long time to come to terms with it, and he insisted
that Ronan go back in the studio and stop delaying work on the album.

   Next, they were off to the States to work at a recording studio in New
York.  Ronan was excited about it, especially since he would have a chance
to spend some time with his brother, who was going to school in the city.

    Stephen sat in his hotel room, thinking over the whirlwind that was the
last few months, and wondered about whether it was worth calling in and
having some coffee brought up, but he didn't want to bother.  Slowly he
kicked his work boots off and settled back in the chair, popping the
buttons of his jeans and just letting himself relax for a few moments.  He
saw the light flashing on his phone, but didn't really want to talk to
anyone at the moment.  He did decide to check his voicemail on his mobile,
because he was expecting a call from a friend that he was planning on
meeting for dinner the following evening.  He stretched and grabbed it off
the table, turning it on and pressing the number to retrieve his messages.

    He was mildly surprised to see that he had a few messages waiting for
him.  One was from his sister about his new house in Ireland.  She was
working with his friends who were working with his brother on decorating
the house and she had wanted to give him an update on how it was going.  He
passed on that message, making a mental note to ring her in the morning.
The next message was from his friend Sean, confirming their plans for the
next evening.  He flew out the day after that, so he was planning for an
early evening.  It was so seldom that he actually got together with his
friends, that he jumped when he did get the chance.

     The third message caught him by surprise as he listened to Eloy's
voice message.  Immediately his heart sped up upon hearing his voice, and
he had to replay the message to actually hear what Eloy had said.  After
listening to it repeat, he sat there thoughtfully, thinking about Eloy's
rather neutral message. He didn't know why he hadn't thought of that
himself.  He thought about returning Eloy's call and looked at his watch.
It was still relatively early. He hesitated for a moment before shrugging
and dialing in Eloy's number.  It rang a few times and he began to wonder
if they were going back to exchanging voice mails like they had in the
past.

    Just when he was thinking of what he would say in a message, Eloy
answered the phone.  "Hallo?"

    "Hey Eloy.  It's Stephen.  I just got in and got your message," Stephen
said, fighting the urge to call him baby. "How are you?"

    "Not too bad. What day is it?" Eloy asked, trying to stifle a tired
sigh. A low chuckle met his comment and he couldn't hold back a smile in
response.

    "It's Friday, if you didn't notice. One of those weeks, huh?" Stephen
said sympathetically. He knew well how time could get away from you when
you were on a promotional tour. "Did I catch you at a bad time?"

   "No, not at all. I just got back from a record party, which I was glad
to see the last of. They're all beginning to look the same and frankly, if
I never see another one again, it wouldn't be too soon!" Eloy said, this
time letting himself sigh tiredly. He went on to describe the party, the
people who were there, and how inane it all was.  Stephen laughed as he
listened to Eloy's description and they fell back into that old camaraderie
that they had as friends over the years.  He found how much he had missed
just the simple friendship of sharing things with Eloy and regretted his
earlier decision to lay low just to keep the record company happy.

    "So what else?" Eloy mused, winding down from his rant about industry
parties. "What have you been up to?" He asked.

    "Oh god, everything!  Lately, we've been spending a lot of time in the
studio, doing some multi-tracking on the stuff we've recorded so far.  It's
been interesting." Stephen said.  "What else?  Michelle finally brow beat
me into picking a house..."

    "Did she now?" Eloy said with interest. "What did you end up with?"

    "Would you believe the very first place she showed me?" Stephen said
with a laugh.  "Out of all of them, it was the only one I liked enough to
say yes to.  I think I wore her down, too," he said ruefully.

    "Is that possible?" Eloy asked dubiously, a wide grin on his
face. While he had yet to meet Stephen's sister, he had a feeling that it
wasn't often that she didn't get her own way with things.

    "It is, when you make her believe that the other option is no option,"
Stephen said with a laugh.  It was his threat not to buy anything at all
that made her look at the situation again, and agree to his original
choice.  That and her husband gently pointing out that she wasn't going to
live in that house, her brother was.  "Anyhow, we're moving along on that."

    "Are you happy with it?" Eloy asked, curious whether Stephen was doing
it just to get his sister off his back, or whether he really wanted a place
of his own.

    "Yeah, I am." Stephen said thoughtfully. "A lot went on when I was in
Ireland and I need some space of my own.  Some privacy where I can kick
back, relax and not be answering the door.  You know what I mean."

     "Ja, I do indeed." Eloy agreed.  He was sprawled on his sofa, having
collapsed there after answering the phone. He knew that Stephen had had a
pretty rough time at home, between the arguments with his brother and the
soul-searching conversations he had had with his mother.  Stephen hadn't
gone into any detail at the time, and Eloy had been content to let him talk
about what he was comfortable sharing.  But he knew that other than his
sister, Stephen didn't have a lot of confidantes.  "I think it will be good
for you.  Everyone needs their own space."

    "I've come to realise that," Stephen said wryly.  "Right now, I have
some friends who are remodeling it for me with my brother Mark. He's told
me that Michelle is driving him mad in the process, too.  But, between him
and my friends who are doing the decorating, I'm not too worried. Since
they know what I like, I'm going to just let them have a go at it and see
what they come up with."

   "Oh really?" Eloy asked in surprise.  Stephen seemed to be keeping his
hands off of the whole process, which made Eloy wonder why he was bothering
at all, if he didn't want to decorate it himself.

   "It's not like I'm going to be home much to work on it.  I'd rather just
get it done and crash when I come home.  Anything else is way too much
work," Stephen admitted.  He stared at the wall of his hotel room, not
really seeing much before changing the subject. "We're off to New York on
Sunday to work with this new producer."

   "So soon?" Eloy asked, amazed that so much time had passed.  The last
time they had talked, it was only a possibility.  He mentally calculated
the time difference and knew they'd have even less of a chance to talk with
Stephen in the States. "How long are you there for?"

   "Probably a month or two," Stephen said. "Not all that long in the
scheme of things, but long enough to get the music down and mixed.  We
might take a holiday while we're over there, too."

   Eloy almost moaned at the thought of taking a holiday, but held back. He
knew how hard it was working in the studio, so it wasn't like Stephen had
much time to relax himself lately. "That would be good if you did.  You
need a break."

    Stephen bit his lip so he wouldn't reply that it wouldn't be much of
holiday without his lover there with him.  He wasn't going to change their
conversation from the light-hearted banter it had started out to be into
something else.  He wouldn't let himself.  So, after a moment when he
thought he could be more nonchalant, he replied. "Yeah, I guess."  He
looked at his watch and saw how late it was. "Eloy, it's getting late.  You
need to get to sleep."

    "Is it?" Eloy asked in surprise, caught by surprise by his comment.  A
glance at his watch showed him the time and he was surprised that so much
time had passed.  "I hadn't looked."

    "What is it about us that this happens all the time?" Stephen asked
with a laugh, feeling like he was on safer ground again. Eloy's answering
laugh left a broad grin on his face as he sat back against his chair.
"I've missed talking with you."  His comment brought a momentary silence
from Eloy's end and he began to regret what he said.

    "I've missed this, too." Eloy admitted softly, trying to keep it light,
but having a hard time of it. He had gotten used to calling Stephen by
various pet names that he had to restrain himself from uttering them as
they spoke.  "Well, sooner or later, once we're both done with all this,
we'll have more time for it." He said, striving to put more across on his
response than he actually said.

    "That's true," Stephen replied, retreating to safer ground. "Though, to
be honest, they're talking about launching this album as soon as we get it
done.  With that comes the promotion, a tour, you name it.  By the time I
get through with that, you'll be working on your next one."

    "Argh! Don't say that, Stephen!  You're going to curse me! I'll be
lucky if I get through this one intact!" Eloy exclaimed.  That made Stephen
laugh and they relaxed back into their friendship again, their more
intimate relationship left unspoken. "I should let you go, you must be dead
tired."

    "Just about, but it's good to hear your voice." Stephen said, reluctant
to ignore what they had together.

    "Ja, same here." Eloy replied as they both dropped into silence. A lot
was being left unsaid, and neither of them was happy about it.  But Eloy
was reluctant to say anything else because he was afraid of scaring Stephen
off from ringing in the future. "I should let you go," he said after a
moment.  A sigh met his comment and he closed his eyes tiredly.  "When you
get to New York, give me a call, ja?"

    "Yeah, I'll do that." Stephen promised.  There was so much he wanted to
say, and so much he couldn't.  He felt his resolve eroding the longer they
chatted, and he knew he had to let Eloy go before he said something that
would ruin what they had built back between them.  "What's next on the
promotion wagon for you?"

    "They've put a tour together, so we're going out to Southeast Asia to
promote the album next," Eloy said, trying to stifle a groan at the thought
of more promotion.

     "Aw, Christ, don't mention Asia to me!  Though god, you haven't had a
break yet, have you?" He continued before Eloy could answer his question.
"God, don't you get a chance to sit back and breathe?" Stephen asked in
astonishment.

     "Somewhere, I think, but I'm not sure when.  Week after next." Eloy
admitted.  "Not long enough to really do more than gasp once or twice,
though."

     "Hey, you take care of yourself, okay? Or else I'll call your Mam up
and tell her you're not doing a good job," Stephen threatened.  They both
laughed, knowing how improbable that would be.  "You know what I mean."

     "I do.  Thanks for the thought," Eloy said, a smile on his face.  He
had really missed talking with Stephen, and he was happy he had decided to
call him.  "It's getting late for you, too.  You get some rest, and have a
good flight."

     "Thanks, I hope I will.  Good luck with you, and I'll give you a ring
when I can," Stephen said. "Take care, and sleep tight."

     "You too. I'll catch you later." Eloy said, willing what he really
wanted to say into the phrase before Stephen rung off.  There was so much
he really wanted to say, but felt he couldn't.  After Stephen hung up his
end, he sat there on the sofa for a few moments, hearing Stephen's sexy
voice in his head.  With a sigh, he hung up his mobile and moved to the
bedroom where he stripped off his clothes and laid back on the bed.  He was
feeling a bit frustrated, but not as much as he had been earlier at the
party.  Some contact was better than none, and he was grateful for what he
had.

     After a few moments he got up and went into the bathroom to take a
shower.  He looked down with a rueful grin as he noticed he was still
reacting to thoughts of Stephen's voice.  Resolutely, he turned the water
cold and stepped into the shower.