Date: Mon, 25 Jun 2001 19:39:31 EDT
From: FourHim821@aol.com
Subject: "While you loved me" by Mandi Part Two

Part Two

*****Flashback******

Justin was sleeping in the hotel room, he'd had another headache and
decided to sleep it off this time. JC started to get more and more worried
about him, he just didn't seem to be able to shake his headaches. He didn't
know how to approach Justin with the thought of going to the doctor, he
hated doctors, not to mention so did JC. So how could JC make Justin go,
when himself didn't? But as he thought about it more, he decided to see if
it was just headaches that was wrong with Justin, if so, then it just might
be stress, and if not it could be......well something that he didn't quite
know yet.


A few weeks past, and JC watched Justin intently, seeing him stumble over
steps that seemed to come so easily to him before. Yesterday in practice he
actually forgot half of the dance to "I want you back", how could he do
that, they had been doing that dance for years?!? He missed his mom's and
Paul's anniversary, he said that he simply forgot, he forgot about an
interview a week ago, said it slipped his mind. JC had heard him cry at
night, he wanted to get up and hug him, but thought better of it. Justin
hated to seem like he was sick, or upset, he wanted anything but to be
treated like a baby. JC stood back and just let Justin handle it himself,
he knew if it got to the point where he couldn't take it anymore, he'd ask
for help.


But today was different, Justin wasn't at rehearsal, and wasn't answering
his phone, something wasn't right. Lance and JC went back to the hotel, got
an extra key, and barged into Justin's room. There, curled up on the bed in
a position that resemebled the fetal positioin, was Justin. Lance ran over
to the bed, only to see a crying hysterical Justin, with his eyes shut so
tightly Lance thought they might bruise. He ran his hand up and down his
back, figuring Justin needed the contact. JC called an ambulance, he
couldn't handle it anymore, he was sick of worrying he needed to know what
was wrong with him, and needed to know now.


The ambulance arrived, JC rode with Justin as Lance went to call Nick.

Lance knew Nick was really worried these past few weeks, he was the one
that brought it to their attention that Justin seemed to have more
headaches than most other kids his age. They started in the mornings,
Justin never got up in the mornings anymore, he's simply in too much
pain. But by mid-afternoon, he was okay, aside from the stumbling and other
things, the headache seemed like a distant memory. But the next morning was
the same routine, the cursed headache returned again.


Within two hours of getting there, the guys was greeted by a doctor that
walked solemly into the waiting room. No one moved from their seats, JC
still had a hold of Nick, who had almost cried himself exhausted, but
managed to pull himself together to see what ailed his boyfriend. Fifteen
pairs of eyes meet the doctors when he walked in, Justin's and Nick's
parents had all flew in, worried about their son, and the other boy that
seemed like their son. The doctor took a deep breath not wanting to reveal
what in his heart would change their lives forever, and possibly the world.


"I'm sorry to inform you of this, but what's wrong with Justin lies far
beneath the headaches, and memory loss, the stumbling, the problem lies in
the one part of his body that controls all of this." he said, waiting for
it to sink into thier heads. He recieved a gasp from what he presumed was
the boys mother, "His brain, what's wrong with my baby's brain?" she asked
tears still falling down her cheeks.


"He has a tumor, on his brain, the one that controls motor skills, and
memory, and things like that. We are going to put him on chemotherapy, and
radiation, praying that will work. If not, the last option is surgery."

he said.

"Will he be alright?" Nick asked.

"Depending on the side affects, and the effectiveness of the treatments, he
could lose his sight, motor ability, or be healthy, or he could die."

the doctor said truthfully.


The doctor left the family alone, and walked back down to the room which
held the young man, knowing full well, the treatments wouldn't work. The
tumor seemed to cover so much of the boy's brain, he didn't even know if he
could live for a couple of months, but he decided that trying never hurt
anyone, and did his best to save the object of so many people's affection.

**********End Flashback********

JC took a deep breath before he knocked on the door which housed two of his
best-friends, not knowing how long he still had to say that. All of the
guys were coming to stay at the house for a month or so, until......well
they didn't have a good reason to stay there anymore. They had stopped
touring that day they found out Justin's fate. The treatments hadn't
worked, and the surgery wasn't as successful as they had planned. Justin
did get some of his motor skills back, but his vision was deteriorating as
we speak, and even though he did get some motor skills back, his legs
didn't work. JC knew that was the hardest part for Justin, basketball, the
only thing, other than Nick, that he loved more than anything, he couldn't
do. JC had seem him in his wheelchair, usually when he thought no one was
watching, shooting basket ball out on the courts.


JC was brought back into reality when Nick opened the door for him, he
looked like hell, but JC wouldn't say anything though, no one ever did.

Nick let him in, looking behind him to see if he was the only one that
accompied JC on his journey. No one else was behind the man, so Nick shut
the door, and pointed upstairs. JC grabbed his stuff, and followed Nick
upstairs into a spair bedroom, where JC put his stuff down and looked at
Nick and asked where Justin was.


"He's asleep in our room, he'll be awake in an hour or so, why don't we
both take a nap, and then see what happens from there?" Nick suggested,
knowing that Josh couldn't turn down a chance to sleep.

"Sure, but can I sleep in the floor of your's and Justin's room? I'd feel
better if I felt a little closer by."

Nick agreed, and soon both boys were fast asleep, not thinking about
anything, for the first time relaxed.


***Downstairs****

Joey, Chris, Lance, Kevin, Brian, Howie, and AJ, including Justin's
parents, and Nick's parents were all gathered downstairs. They had let
themselves in, knowing that Justin was asleep, this was the time that Nick
always asked not to call, cause he always put Justin down for a nap, as
well as himself.

Jane and Lynn both walked upstairs into the boy's room. They saw Nick
asleep in the bed with Justin, a protective arm around the boy, and JC
asleep on the couch beside the bed, on Justin's side. Lynn walked over to
Justin and brushed her lips across her son's forehead, as Jane did the
same, and they both repeated the gesture to Josh. Lynn walked back to where
Justin lay to see her son's eyes open looking at her, tears running down
the sidesof his face, she almost ran to him.

"Momma?" Justin asked, not really being able to see her that well.

"Yes baby, it's momma, how are ya' feelin'?" she asked wiping the tears off
his face.

"My head hurts mommy, make it stop, please!" he pleaded, adjusting in the
bed, while waking the man beside him.

"Justin?, are you awake?, " Nick asked, then seeing the tears, "are you
alright?"

Justin turned to see Nick, staring at him, he feel into his arms, saying
over and over again, make the pain stop, please Nicky, make it stop.

Nick got up and went to get his pain medication downstairs, as Lynn just
held Justin until Nick got back.

Nick ran as fast as he could, ignoring the fact that everyone else in
Justin's and his own band was seeing him in his boxers, and ran back
upstairs.

He quickly injected it into Justin's blood stream, and felt Justin
relax. Lynn and Jane watched as Nick took care of Justin, watched the
gentleness, and the love in Nick's care.

"Momma?" Justin asked in Nick's embrace.

"Yes honey?"

"Where are you?" he asked, his eyes searching for a blur around the room.

"I'm right behind you, turn around and I'm right here."

He turned around, and sure enough there was his mother, he reached out to
her, he wanted to feel safe again, he didn't know where Nick had run off
to.

"Where's Nick?" he asked "He went to throw something away, he'll be back in
a second."

"I didn't feel safe, and that's why I wanted you to hold me, I feel safe
when someone holds me. I can't see, so I don't know what is around me and
it scares me."

"It's okay honey, we won't let anything happen to you, we promise. Well,
guess who just walked through the door, it's Josh honey, you wanna see
Josh?"


In the process of the whole commotion, JC had gotten up and left to go get
something for Justin to eat, he'd figure he'd be hungry.

"Yeah, Josh, where are you?"

"Right here buddy, I brought you something to eat, Nick told me to bring
you breakfast, we're all going to have lunch downstairs later." JC said,
walking closer to Justin.

"What is it, it isn't that stuff that he made yesterday morning is it?"

he asked laughing.

"Nope, it's cereal, Apple Jacks, actually."

"Give me, Give me." Justin said, as he reached for the bowel, everyone
laughing.


Nick walked back into the room, to see Justin and Josh goofing around, and
it almost made his heart break. He knew how much longer he had, and didn't
want to monopolize his time from his friends and family, so he turned
around and was getting ready to go back downstairs when a voice stopped
him.


"Nick I know your here, why aren't you with me?" Justin asked.

"I forgot something downstairs, but I guess it's not important, I'll come
sit with you, if that's what you want me to do?"

"Yes, come sit with me."


Nick did as he was told, and sat down beside Justin, spreading his legs and
brought Justin in between them so the boy could rest his head, which had to
be killing him, on Nick's chest. Not but five seconds later did Justin do
just that, giving Nick a look, saying, I'm still in pain. Nick looked up
and caught Josh's eye, and he walked out real quietly to the bathroom to
get the morphine. Nick knew this was coming, soon he's going to lose all
motor ability, and most of his memory, and all of his sight. So he just
held Justin, while they waited on Josh, and acted like nothing was going
on.


Five minutes later Josh walked back through the door, with the biggest
needle Josh thought he had ever seen. He handed it to Nick, as everyone
wondered why Justin was getting a second dose?  "He's still in pain, so I'm
going to give him some more pain medication."

"Josh?" Justin asked.

"Right here."

"Will you give it to me?" he asked.

He said yes, as Nick was explaining what to do. After Nick and Josh found a
vein, Josh turned to Justin, "you ready?"

"Nick?, kiss me."

So Nick bent down and captured Justin's lips with his own. Not but a second
later he felt Justin's tears, and he felt Justin bit his lip.

Nick didn't jump, didn't even move, he knew what pain he was going through
was nothing compared to what Justin was going through. When he felt Justin
relax, and let go of his lip, he loosened his grip. Justin started
laughing, and Nick looked at him funny, "I drew blood sweetie, I think you
need to go check your lip." Everyone laughed, as Nick got up to go to the
bathroom to check what damage had been done. He was dabbing alchohol on it
when Lynn walked into the room and shut the door. Nick turned around,
wondering what she was doing?  "Lynn?"

"Yeah, I wanted to thank you for what you just did for Justin , and to ask
you a few things."

Nick knew this was coming, "it was nothing, I really didn't feel it till he
let go, and sure ask me anything," he said seeing that his lip had stopped
bleeding.

With Lynn on the toliet lid, and Nick on the bathtub, they looked at
eachother for the longest time. He were the two people who loved Justin the
most in the entire world, and would have to say good-bye, both of them
knew, before it was time.

"It was morphine wasn't it? He didn't ask for you the last shot, it was
morphine wasn't it?"

"Yeah, I kind of knew that you knew what was going on, but I didn't know
how many other people knew, so I wasn't going to say anything past what I
said."

"Thank you though, for being honest, and for loving my son the way he
deserves," tears running down her face.

"No problem, I wanna thank you to."

"For what?"

"For having him, and letting me have him," tears running down his own face.

They sat there for a while holding eachother, wishing that it was under
other circumstances. Justin was their life, and without him both of them
wondered if they could live their's alone? With heavy hearts they both
walked back down the hall way to find most of everyone was downstairs, "I'm
going down, bring him when he feels like it." With that, Lynn walked down
the stairs, praying that the tears won't be seen.


Nick walked into his fiance' and his' bedroom, to see Josh and him
laughing.

"Justin, your mom wants you to come downstairs when you feel like it. By
the way, everyone else is down there."

Justin smiled and reached for Nick, "Now."

Nick picked him up with ease, the boy didn't weigh much less than Aaron
did, and carried him downstairs and set him on the couch. Everyone's faces
lit up to see Justin so happy to see them, or in his case, to have them
here.

"I wanna move the wedding up."

Everyone nodded, figuring this would happen.

"I wanna get married today."

Chaos erupted, and we don't mean Nick.