Date: Thu, 28 Dec 2000 23:47:38 -0500
From: Adam Irwin <bottledup03@hotmail.com>
Subject: Reaching Out 4

                           Last time on Reaching Out

"I can't believe you. You know how I hate drugs, and you know that I love
you. So what do I do? Tell me, do I just let this slide, like I never
knew anything? Or do I handle it in a sensible way?"

"I don't know, I'm sorry, I just..." Nothing came from his mouth, he
couldn't explain it. Not to JC at least, he couldn't explain anything
like this to JC, he could see the disappointment in JC's eyes the whole
time he spoke. And that's when the tears started flowing, and the sobs
accompanied them.

Looking over to his right, JC caught a glimpse of the clock, and a frown
passed over his face. "Merry Christmas Justin, you've made this one so
great."

---------------

"Please Josh, I'm sorry, I didn't, I didn't, I don't know. I didn't mean
to do this." Justin was sobbing now, nothing could form into words. Only
syllables came to his mind, and soon he was sitting by himself, noticing
that JC was no longer in the room. No longer watching him, no longer
their to make everything better.

The curly haired youth was alone. For the first time in his life he had
real reason to believe he was alone. For almost 7 years he had a best
friend, some one who looked over him, watched him, took care of him when
he was lost, scared, confused, all of those combined and their was
nothing he couldn't help him with. Now, that man was gone. And Justin had
done it to him, he had forced him a way, made him leave, finally right
all along. He knew he screwed up, he knew he was making the worst
decision in his life, and the whole time he sat their crying, he was
doing it, he was on the one thing that was ruining his life...drugs.

"Justin, are you okay?" Justin stopped, his head hung down low, tears and
sobs still coming from his body, but not quite so evident now that
another was in the room. Looking up, he caught eyes with JC's sister
Heather, her face filled with concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Heather could see through that, even as a teenager she
was smart enough to see that some one who was crying with sobs
accompanying it that he wasn't fine.

"No you aren't. Come on, tell me what's wrong." Heather started to walk
into the room, when she looked down her eyes catching on the same bag
that JC had only dropped minutes ago. Her face froze, her mind raced, she
was in highschool, she knew what she was looking at. "Who's are these?"

"Mine" Justin couldn't lie, he knew she would either think they were
Justin's or JC's, and he wasn't going to do anything else to make JC
pissed at him, he already had a hard enough fight ahead of him to get
himself out of what he had done already.

"What? You're doing drugs."

"I know, I know, I'm fucked up. I have problems, lots of them. I love him
though, I love him, I didn't mean to hurt him like this, I can't take
this." Justin was sobbing again, back to the loud sobs that were their
before, and Heather stood still stopped where she had when she saw the
bag, not doing anything. She was shocked when she felt an arm touch her,
standing beside her was her brother Tyler, and behind them their parents.
Justin looked up to see that his two sets of parents were behind them,
and behind them he could make out JC's figure. The only one's missing
were Jonathon and Steven, but he knew they weren't going to be awoken for
what was about to come.

"We need to talk Justin, we need to have a long talk." Randall
Timberlake, Justin's biological father spoke, his voice loud although
coming from the hallway. "Downstairs now!" The booming voice startled
everyone, and all of them rushed down the steps. Tyler and Heather most
surprised of all that they were allowed to go with them.

Once downstairs, they all sat down in the living room, Justin sitting in
a chair, isolated from the rest. He had not stopped crying yet, and his
shirt was already wet from the sobs he had shed earlier.

"What do you have to say Justin?" Randall was the first to speak again,
his voice down to a more decent term for the time of night.

"Joshua told us Justin. Why are you doing drugs?" Lynn Harless spoke
next, and Justin only cried harder as he looked up to find that no only
was she crying, but his step-mother Lisa was crying too.

"I'm sorry"

"You're sorry, that's all you can say? You're doing drugs and you want
your explanation to your family and friends to be I'm sorry?" Randall
Timberlake's voice rose again, back to booming.

"Don't yell at him." Paul Harless' voice was competing to be louder then
Randall's.

"Both of you stop." Lynn yelled at her husband and ex-husband, silencing
them both. "Sorry isn't going to cut it Justin. This is serious, you are
going to ruin your life if you keep this up."

"So what, it's not like theirs much of one left anyways." Justin's words
cut through all of them. They were his family, all of them. Heather and
Tyler were like his brother and sister, their parent's like a second
family to him. JC was his boyfriend, and his own set of parents were even
more shocked that he would say it.

"Why are you doing this? Did you want to die that night? Take the easy
way out for yourself, and make the rest of us suffer. Cuz you aren't the
only one going through hell right now Justin. I'm your best fucking
friend, your boyfriend, and I didn't know any of this shit. And to think
that you don't want to live, that you escape with drugs, that's worse
then not having you." All eyes shifted to JC who had been relatively
silent through out the conversation up until that point. He was on the
verge of crying but it was obvious that he was holding it in, and his
vulgarity was something out of the common as well. "I love you Justin, I
always have and I always will, but if you keep this shit up, I won't be
here by your side, I'm not going to watch you die in front of me, it
hurts to much."

It was to much for Justin, the yelling the tears, his boyfriend's loving
words. He rushed from the room running up the steps, but not before he
could distinctly hear a herd of footsteps following him just as fast as
he was running. He couldn't even shut his door before the first to arrive
was in, followed by the rest.

"We aren't done Justin, you are going to listen to us." Randall demanded
of his son, and Justin sank into the bed, sobbing again.

"I can't, I can't listen anymore. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I hurt all of you.
I'm sorry I'm doing this, I'm sorry that I'm not the great son you've
had. I'm sorry that I'm not stable, I'm sorry I'm a fuck up." Justin let
it all out, crying, sobbing, not expecting anyone to care, anyone to
respond in any way but words.

But he was wrong, he couldn't feel it, he was still high on the acid,
which made him numb, but he could certainly feel it when they were
wrapped around him. JC was the closest, pulling him into a tight hug, and
the rest of them hugging him in other spots, he could tell that the
lightest of the huggers, Heather was behind him wrapped around his back.

"We all love you Justin, we're gonna get you through this, trust us."
Surprisingly it wasn't Justin's family that spoke the words, wasn't JC,
but JC's mother Karen Chasez, and her words helped Justin at the moment,
helped him ease down for a while.

---------------

"So they were there for you?" A black man no older then four sat
questioning Justin, his hands filled with a notebook and pen.

"Yeah, they were their for me, in the end. I love them all, their my
family, and Josh, he's my rock, not even my rock he's my everything."
Justin replied to the question.

"But you do have other friends, your bandmates, Britney?" The doctor
questioned again, keeping the conversation going.

"I love them all too, we have to love each other, we're around each other
for months, and then when we get off we hang out together, like we can't
get away from each other." Justin laughed to himself, knowing that he
doctor didn't find it amusing made him laugh even harder.

"Why don't you tell me about them, your bandmates and Britney that is."

"Well, um, Chris is the goofy one. He can always tell when things are
shit for someone. And he always wants to make everyone happy, God knows
he helps though, he can make the most serious person laugh. Then theirs
Joe. He's the one I always party with, the one that takes me out places.
Ya know, the older brother everyone has, the one that sneaks them a beer
here or their, or gets them their first porno, shit like that, that's Joe
to me. Lance is the sweet one, the quiet one, the shy one. I respect him
though, he's got a lot more talent then I do. His voice is different, the
deep one, the more profound one that you can pick out, I sound like a
girl." Justin stopped after listing his friends, stopping before he got
to Britney, because he could tell that the doctor was about to ask a
question.

"You said that Joey snuck you into clubs and got you beers. Did he get
you the drugs the first time you got them?"

"Nah, none of the guys have ever done drugs. Not even Joey. I got them
myself, one night at a bar." Justin replied with ease.

"So, none of the guys had any effects on you as far as taking the drugs?"

"Of course they did, but not like that. It's the pressure, working with
four guys all year, being compared to other bands, it gets to you after
awhile. JC is the one with the real voice in the group. Lance has got the
business aspect down pact. They both have shit to fall back on. Chris has
got FuManSkeeto his clothing line, and then Joey's got a lot of that.
He's the one every one thinks is cute and cuddly, he always has a new
girl. I can't compete with it, I'm just the pretty one. But looks run out
after a while, they already have. Look at me, my eyes are blood shot
constantly, I haven't slept good for days."

"What about Britney? Did she have anything to do with it?"

"God yeah, I was always paired with her. In the media we were the perfect
couple. I'm not even dating her, I'm gay. That got to me the worst, I
couldn't even live my own life. I can't be gay, can't let my boyfriend
hold me in public without ruining my career, ruining the guy's career. It
sucks, so I slipped into drugs."

"When was the last time you took the drugs Justin? Christmas Eve?"

"Yesterday, I had a bad day, JC and I got into a fight, and I took one."
Justin frowned at what he was saying. He hated to admit that he was still
doing it.

"Alright, Justin. I think we're out of time. But I think we've covered
alot, same time next week?"

"Yeah, I'll be here."

---------------------

"How did it go babe?" JC asked, as they approached the car that had taken
them to the doctor's office.

"Okay I guess, I told him about us getting together, and then all the
shit that happened on Christmas Eve and Christmas. And he asked me about
the guys, and Britney and why I started taking the drugs." Justin
replied, not really filling in any real specifics.

"I'm glad you're talking to a doctor Justin."

"Would you just call him a shrink, he's a fucking shrink Josh. He works
with people with problems in the head, ya know, loony people like me." He
wasn't expecting the outburst from Justin, he was keen now on watching
what he said to make sure that he didn't have to see the outbursts, but
he assumed he wasn't watching hard enough.

"You aren't insane baby. You're fine, you just have a few problems that
you need to work out."JC started up the car, and left the parking lot.

"Let's just get home. I wanna be alone." JC knew what that meant. It had
been a month since Christmas. In that time JC knew Justin had taken acid
at least 15 more times, which meant one every two days or so. He said
nothing, he kept it a secret, Justin said he was getting clean on his
own. But JC finally managed to convince him to see the doctor, hoping it
might help faster, but he could tell that the only thing Justin wanted at
that moment was to take another hit of acid.

"I know you're still doing it Justin. I know you haven't stopped, I know
you haven't even tried." JC didn't turn over to face Justin, he knew that
it would just make him want to cry again.

"I have tried Josh, you don't understand. You aren't doing it, you aren't
addicted to it."

"I do understand Justin. I understand that you can't see what you're
doing. I understand that you don't see your bandmates around you avoiding
you. When was the last time Joey, Chris or Lance stopped by? Yeah, it's
been a while hasn't it. Sure we see them at the studio, but that isn't
enough for me. Have you noticed that we aren't as close Justin? We sleep
in the same bed, but it's been nine days since I've kissed you, maybe you
don't count, but I do. Because I miss feeling your lips on mine, I miss
feeling you melt into me, I miss it Justin."

"Josh, please, I don't want to fight right now. I'm sorry for doing all
this shit, you know I am. I never wanted to start, I never wanted to hurt
everyone, especially not you. I love you, I don't care about the guys, if
I piss them off it doesn't matter, not like it does if I hurt you. I know
that I'm not the greatest person right now, I know that I'll never be
one, I know that you aren't happy being with me, so you don't have to
start a fight over it." Once again Josh was caught off guard by Justin.
He wondered if Justin even listened to anything he said.

"I think you need to get into a drug clinic Justin. You're missing every
thing around you, you're missing what I'm saying to you right now. You
need help, I try to give it to you, but you turn to the drugs, why don't
you turn to me Justin? Why the fuck can't I be the shoulder you cry to
like before?"

"I'm not going to a clinic, people will find out. Our careers will be
ruined, I couldn't live with myself." Justin disagreed quickly, glancing
over he noticed that JC wasn't even looking at him, but still focused on
the road.

"I could care less about our careers. You don't get it, you don't fucking
get anything I'm trying to say to you Jusitn. I love you, I fucking love
you. I love being your boyfriend, I love holding you, I love everything
about you. I don't care that you fucked up, I don't care that you are
going through some rough times, because I want to be their for you during
it. Our careers mean shit compared to that, you mean everything to me,
more then my career, more then my family, more then my friends, more then
it all Justin. Because you are it all, you are my family, you are my
friend, and you are the reason why I want you to get help. I want you to
be okay." JC was crying now, usually he was strong, but it was all built
up in him. He hadn't cried for a while now, maybe once when he found out
about Justin doing the drugs, but now they were heavy tears, and Justin
felt his own coming at the site of JC's.

JC could hear the sobs, and he realized that if he didn't stop, he wasn't
going to be able to see very well to drive. Pulling to the side of the
road, he turned off the car, and turned to face Justin.

"I don't want to go to a clinic Josh, I don't want to stay their. I don't
want to be alone at night, I don't want to be away from you."

"It's okay, it's okay. You don't have to go, but please Justin, throw out
the drugs that you have left, for our relationship's sake, throw them
out."

"I will, I swear Josh. I'll try harder now." Justin's words were like a
child, lost in a world to big for them. And JC knew that it was the
truth. He knew that Justin would try, he just hoped that his tries would
be good enough to get him through it.

--------------------------

"Don't you think we are handling this kinda shitty?" Joey questioned his
four friends. They were all sitting around in his apartment, absent of
two of their close friends.

"Nope, I don't want to be around Justin while he's doing drugs." Chris
responded easily, his arms wrapped around Dani.

"I knew" Britney said only two words, and they all stopped to look at
her, confused by the words she had chosen to speak. "I knew the whole
time, I knew he was drinking. I knew he was doing the drugs, I knew he
was drinking and driving. I was the one he came to, every night he was
drunk, or to high to go home, he came to me. I didn't tell any one, I
couldn't do that to him, but now, its all my fault. I hung up on him
right before he killed himself. I knew all the hell he was going through
all the while and I didn't do anything. I knew how much he loved JC, I
knew he felt like shit every time he fucked up, and I didn't do anything.
I could've stopped it, I could've helped him a long time ago, but I
didn't. I can't help but blame myself for all this shit."

It had all built up inside of her, and she finally had to let it out of
her system. She had to tell some one every thing she knew, or she felt
like she was going to explode. And letting it all out helped, she didn't
cry, she didn't raise her voice, in fact she was emotionless all the
while telling the story. She couldn't cry over it anymore, she had cried
to much. And yelling was the same, she had screamed out every obscenity
she could at Justin, yelled at him, and nothing had worked. Emotionless
she felt like it came out right, void of any thought, just the truth.

"You knew the whole time?" Dani asked with a little anger in her voice.

"I didn't know the whole time. I remember a while ago, he came by and he
seemed drunk. No big deal, but then he told me he was on acid, but he
promised it was the only time he had ever done it. He said he would never
do it again, and that turned into months of promises. Months of I won't
do it agains, and I'm sorrys. I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone, he
trusted me, I didn't want to ruin our friendship." Britney responded, she
showed no remorse in not telling anyone, which only seemed to flare more
anger from Dani.

"I can't believe you, how could you not tell us? Their his bandmates, I'm
one of his good friends, and you left us in the dark. Were you thinking
clearly, or was all that plastic clotting your brain." Dani went some
where she knew she shouldn't have. Britney could take a joke about her
breast job, the one she never had more like it, but she knew that was an
insult.

"Excuse me, but I am a much better friend to Justin then you are bitch.
I'm sure you wouldn't have told any of us if it were Chris doing drugs."
Britney stopped for a second to look at Dani. She could tell by the look
on her face that she was regretting what she had said. "Ya know what, we
don't need to argue over this. Right now we have to focus on Justin, and
as for your question Joe, no I don't think we are handling this the right
away."

"Good, now I know that I'm not the only one who feels like shit for
avoiding him." Joey replied, happy that some one was on his side for
once.

"I don't think we should just stop seeing him. That might only make it
worse, and we haven't returned JC's calls in how many days?" Dani asked,
jogging her own memory for a date, an amount of days, but she knew it had
been a while since they had talked to Justin or JC.

"Am I the only one that feels like shit? Cuz, Justin's birthday is in 6
days, and we haven't even started looking for presents. He's going to be
20, were we even going to throw him a party like we usually do?" Joey
looked down at his feet in shame. Dani just let herself be wrapped
tightly into Chris, not wanting to answer Britney's question.

"I don't think he needs a party this year. Parties mean alcohol, and
Justin doesn't need that. Not right now, and I don't think ever again. We
have to do something nice, but just us. No one else, and I think the
gifts should be something to help him out. Like books on getting over
drug problems, or something useful like that." Chris suggested.

"I think thats a good idea. And I think while we're at it, if Justin
can't drink, neither do we. It's only tempation for him to want to." Joey
added, looking at Chris. Chris set down the beer he was about to sip, and
shook his head in agreement. "Good, I'll throw it all out, and I suggest
you two do it too. Britney, I don't think you have any beer, but if you
do throw it out."

"Don't worry, I don't drink. Especially not after watching Justin for so
long. It scares me, he's so different, so horrible. I don't ever want to
be like that."

---------------------------

TBC.....

--------------------------

I told you this chapter would be out in the new year, but I lied. But it
was a good lie, because it's coming out sooner. I got bored, family was
annoying, had some free time so I did it now. I hope you liked this
chapter. I covered a lot of stuff in it, inlcuding Justin and JC making
up.

I hope every one understands that the first three chapters are sort of
like a story being told. Justin was explaining the past month or so to
his new doctor, which was the first visit, but not the last. I know that
this chapter leaves it hanging a little too, because Justin and JC are in
another little tiff. The question is, is Justin going to go home and
throw out the drugs, or will he take them again? I don't know, if you
have any suggestions e-mail me at bottledup03@hotmail.com (that includes
criticsm, and any other stuff you wanna tell me. I like hate mail, it
makes me laugh)

See ya next time, probably around the 2nd or 3rd.