Date: Sat, 06 Jan 2001 20:26:32 -0500
From: Adam Irwin <bottledup03@hotmail.com>
Subject: Reaching Out 6

                           Last time on Reaching Out

    With in a few seconds, JC was popping back up out from under the covers
                  a smile on his face. "Now we can go to bed."


"But, don't you want me to, ya know, return the favor." Justin asked,
still panting from his own orgasm.

       "Nope, I took of it myself while I took care of you." JC smiled at
     Justin, and kissed him on the cheek. "I know your tired, and we don't
     have to return favors. You just owe me one next time." JC giggled, and
      pulled Justin close to him. "Now sleep." Justin did as he was told,
                   relaxing into JC's strong and caring arms.


It was a great day for the two of them. JC was up for another twenty
minutes just watching Justin. He was proud of him, Justin had sought the
therapy, opened up to him, and they enjoyed themselves all day. He hadn't
seen Justin laugh like that for a long time, and he knew that he and his
friends hadn't had as much fun together for a long time too. It was
great, he was proud of Justin, proud that his younger lover had managed
to last a full day with out the drugs. And proud that Justin allowed him
to flush the drugs, proud that his boyfriend was getting help. But still
scared, that the worst would come when Justin really went a longer time
with out the drugs.

-----------------------

"You ready babe?" JC asked, as he knocked on the bathroom door.

"Yeah, I'm ready." Justin replied, popping out of the bathroom, his hair
neatly curled, and his face washed. His breath smelled of toothpaste, and
he himself smelled of JC's own cologne, a smell that they both enjoyed.

"Alright."

It was the second time they were on their way to the therapist, this time
Justin knew he would have to describe more things. More of his past, more
of what he wanted, but he was ready for it.

"I'll see you in an hour or so." JC kissed Justin lightly on the cheek,
sending him into the room.

"Hello Justin."

"Hi."

"How are you?" Dr. Roberts asked him, letting Justin take a seat.

"I'm fine, doing better I guess."

"You guess?" The doctor questioned his choice of words.

"Well, we threw away my drugs, emptied them down the toilet." Justin
replied.

"Ah, we as in who?"

"Me and Josh, well, I actually couldn't do it. But I wanted to, I need
to. So I let him do it." Justin replied.

"Did it upset you that you had to get rid of them? Did it make you angry
that you couldn't continue to have them?"

"I don't know. I was mad that I had to get rid of them, that I had to
quit something I had done for so long. But I wasn't mad at Josh for doing
it, he's so perfect for me. He would never do anything to hurt me, he
knows that by doing this that I can work through my problems without any
other rehabilitation." Justin replied in length to the two questions,
nervous that the doctor continued to write something for a good minute
after he was done.

"And you said something about other rehabilitation, which I'm taking to
mean something other then my own help. Could you elaborate at what that
other would be?"

"Um, after we left here the other day, Josh and I got in a fight. Over
you actually, he won't let me call you a shrink, he says you're a doctor.
I know you are, but to me you're a shrink, who helps people who have
mental problems. I have mental problems so I see you as a shrink, but
Josh says that I don't have mental problems, that I just need to work
some things out, and that you are helping me with it." Justin began to
ramble on, not sure where the conversation was even going as he
continued.

"Justin, could you tell me what the other help would have been?" Dr.
Roberts reminded him of the conversation.

"Well after the fight, Josh sayed I should go to one of those clinics, a
drug clinic. Ya know, where you stay for a couple months or as long as
you don't crave the drugs any more. And I broke down. He stopped the car
and we talked about it. I couldn't stand being away with him for long, I
need him. This whole time I've been doing drugs, he's all I've ever had.
I know I had my bandmates, I know I had Britney, and my family, but he
was all I ever really wanted to have. And now that he wants me, I
couldn't handle not having him. I need him to hold me at night, I need
him to be their for me. So instead we decided to throw away the drugs,
and just take it from their. He knows I can't go out to get them, and I
don't think he thinks I would try. He trusts me, at least I hope he
does." Justin got himself back on track in the conversation, and answered
the question that he was addresssed.

"Tell me about that Justin, about why you really started doing the drugs?
Was it because of your love for Josh?"

"JC." Justin corrected the doctor.

"And tell me about that. When you told me about the past few months, you
made it seem like everyone directed JC as JC, but you call him Josh...is
their a reason behind that?" The doctor changed topics for a moment.

"I, I don't know. I just don't like it when other people call him Josh.
That's my name for him, cuz it's more personal, I'm more personal to
him." Justin replied to the question pretty easily.

"Alright, now about you starting the drugs?"

"I guess it was last February, my birthday is in late January, and I
didn't really have a good one last year. We as a group were doing great.
We had released Bye, Bye, Bye and it was doing good. No Strings Attached
was coming out soon, and we were huge. Bigger then the Backstreet Boys,
but it wasn't enough for me. I have been doing this since I was 12,
that's almost 8 years. I've been the dreams of millions of young girls
for 8 years, I've been the talk of the tabloids, and music industry, for
8 years. It was the same in Mickey Mouse, it was so much, that it was too
much. So last year I picked up a phone book, dialed up a guy I knew at
the record label, and asked if he could hook me up with something. I was
pretty naive then, the first time I took acid I thought I was just
supposed to swallow it right away. I got laughed at pretty bad for doing
that. But I got the hang of it after a while, and soon I was doing it
frecuently, before concerts, after them, during interviews. It's really
easy to hide something tiny on your tongue and still manage to talk. I
got used to it quickly." Justin paused for a second looking to make sure
that the doctor was still paying attention. He hated the fact that it was
like having a one sided conversation when he talked to him. "Anyways, I
got hooked quick, and from then on it was that and alcohol instead of
friends. I would go to Britney though, she never told, I knew I could
trust her. I would call her when I was drunk, when I was trippin', when I
was both. God that's dangerous, I only did it twice, and never again. You
can pass out when you do those two together. But that's not the point,
Britney was their for me, ya know, I knew that Josh was the one I needed
but I couldn't let him see me like that."

"Why would JC be so upset with seeing you that way?" The doctor
interrupted him.

"Josh most of all is against drugs. He hates them, he barely even touches
alcohol. For such a long time he was a positive influence on me, sure I
drink though, I always have. Joey always gave me drinks back when we
started. And now that we're famous, any one will give me a drink." Justin
replied.

"Do you like that? The fact that you can get a drink any where, that
people will do anything for you?"

"I guess I do. It's a high in itself, that when I was as young as 16 and
17 people were giving me alcohol, just cuz I was the cute singer from
NSYNC. And when I was 19, combine that with the high of acid, and you
can't a bad situation. The night everything really got fucked up is when
I got caught drinking and driving. Like I told you, things fell from
their.I tried to kill msyelf, they all found out I did drugs. But at the
same time it was the best thing to happen to me.I got Josh, I got him."
Justin smiled.

"You talk as though without JC, that in a sense their wouldn't be a you."

"Their wouldn't, cuz I couldn't live without him. In gay relationships,
theirs the um, ya know bottom and top." Justin blushed furiously as he
spoke about it. "And I'm, the bottom, but it's uh, not all sexual ya
know. To me it's more the emotional. And Josh really is on top of all
that, he holds me together. He cheers me up when I cry, he holds me when
I need it, and he's just their for me all the time. I need that, I don't
like to be alone. I don't like to be away from him. I know he's just
outside those doors, but I still feel like he's miles away."

"So in other words you are saying that without JC you would perhaps, end
it."

"I would in a heartbeat. If he had walked out of those doors at the
hospital when I told him, I would have killed myself with the nearest
machine. I couldn't take a day without him. He promises me over and over
again that I won't have to. But I know some day that we'll have to do
seperate things for NSYNC, like me in New York, him in L.A., maybe just
for a day, but that would kill me. And he's older then me, and I know,
that, that he might die before me. And in a sense leave me." Justin was
beginning to hold back tears that for some reason were about to flow from
his eyes.

"Alright, Justin. I think we made some progress today. I can see that you
probably need to see JC, so I think the rest can wait until the next
session."

"Thanks." Justin cleared his throat and shook the doctor's hand.

"Good bye Justin."

"What's wrong?" JC could tell by the way Justin walked out of the room
that he was crying.

"Nothing, lets go." Justin answered in reply, his words very soft, almost
silent.

"Alright." JC replied, knowing that Justin wasn't going to say anything
else.

"You wanna talk about it Curly?" JC asked as they drove down the road,
heading back to their house.

"It's nothing." Justin had stopped crying now, he just focused on the
road. Looking over quickly, he desperately wanted to have his hand in
JC's, but JC had both on the wheel. So instead he just let it lay
lifeless on the seat.

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. That's okay, just
know that I'm here for you." JC looked over and saw Justin's face and his
hand. He put his own hand down, and squeezed Justin's tightly, which drew
a small smile from Justin's face. "Now, how about we go home and, uh,
well." JC smiled as he licked his lips facing Justin. Justin smiled back
and shook his head in agreement.

------------------------------

"You think that he'll be able to do it?" Joey asked his bestfriend as
they lounged around his apartment. Like usual it was the pace that he and
his friends met when Justin and JC were busy some where else.

"I don't know, he's tough." Chris replied, flipping through the channels
not really paying attention to the question.

"Don't you mean JC is tough?" Dani laughed.

"Yeah, well that too." Chris replied to his girlfriend, still not paying
attention to the conversation besides answering the questions at hand.

"Give him some credit guys, I think he can do it." Britney jumped into
the conversation.

"What you say is probably right Brit. You've known about this longer then
us, ya know how long he's done it and all." Lance replied to Britney's
comment.

"When do you guys start recording for the new cd?" Britney asked changing
the subject away from the one at hand.

"Uh, Friday is our first day back in. I think Justin's pretty lucky that
what happened, happened when we were off and on break. If it had happened
during a tour we wouldn't have been able to hide it." Lance answered the
question, after all he probably was the only memeber of NSYNC in the room
that knew the actual answer.

"That's cool, you guys are all lucky. Justin wouldn't have ruined his own
career but all ya'll's. I mean, it would have been one thing to have been
arrested for drunk driving, but then the drugs, the suicide attempt and
all that, you guys's never would have made it out of the tabloids." Dani
jumped into the new conversation.

"Lucky? Huh. We aren't even half way through this, Justin's drugs have
only been gone a day, day and a half now. You honestly think he's already
kicked it? He's got a long way before he can kick a drug." Joey laughed
at Dani's suggestion.

"I was just saying that you are lucky it didn't get out into the papers."
Dani got defensive of her statement.

"Calm down girl, I ain't dissin' you or nothing." Joey laughed again as
Dani calmed herself.

"So what are we all up to tonight?" Lance asked.

"I want to do something exciting. A club?" Joey suggested the same thing
he suggest every time they had free time. In every city, they had
probably been to every club except for the country or the line dancing
ones.

"Sure, but we have to ask Justin and JC if they want to go. I know that
it would be a hard place for Justin to go, but we can't exclude them
again." Lance agreed.

"We should wait awhile and then we can call them. I'm pretty sure that
Justin said something about having another appointment with his doctor
today." Chris agreed as well.

"Anything is cool with me." Britney agreed with and Dani shook her head
in agreement as well.

"That's odd." Joey laughed.

"What?" Chris asked, a little confused by what Joey was laughing at.

"We actually agreed on something without a fight for once." Joey
explained himself, and they all snickered at it. Usual it would take them
at least an hour to make plans, but that didn't count the number of
fights, and arguements as to where they should go. This time it was much
easier as they decided with in ten minutes.

"That is kinda odd." Britney agreed, laughing on her own this time, and
soon they were all laughing at how stupid she was for finding the topic
funny.

----------------------

TBC.....

---------------------

I've just come to the conclusion that this story isn't going to be very
long. I like it and all, but I feel like I can end it in 10 chapters, and
that's what I'm going to do. Just to give you all a warning until then.

As for this chapter I'm sorry it was so short, but that's the way the
cookie crumbles this time. The next chapter will be longer I hope.

I also have a few mistakes to correct. First things first, I noticed in
Chapter 4 that I said the doctor looked no older then four. Sorry about
that I meant fourty, all that it doesn't really make that big of a deal.
I also forgot to give the doctor a name, so I created one in this
chapter, Dr. Roberts. I apologize if their were any other mistakes or
lack of information when I talked about the doctor in Chapter 4. I guess
I wasn't thinking straight when I wrote that chapter.