Date: Thu, 28 Feb 2002 11:57:35 -0800 (PST)
From: J X <xxx_supafly@yahoo.com>
Subject: There For Me

Usual little celebrity disclaimer, though I don't
think I really need it in this situation.  This story
is fiction, and is not meant to imply anything about
the sexualities of the included celebrities.  Jeff
Hardy, Chris Jericho, Trish Stratus, Stacy Keibler,
Matt Hardy, Amy Dumas (Lita), Adam Copeland (Edge),
Shane Helms, Stephanie McMahon, Mark Jindrak, Lance
Storm, Kurt Angle, Billy Kidman, Torrie Wilson, Jay
Reso (Christian), Shannon Moore, and Rob Van Dam are
all property of WWFE Inc. But try not to think of them
as wrestlers, but more as characters in this story.

The song "There For Me" by Mariah Carey is used
without permission. It belongs to her, as far as I
know.

As always, this story cannot be used on ANY site
without my written permission.  If you wish to use it,
contact me at XXX_Supafly@yahoo.com.  This and all my
other stories are available on my website
http://www.angelfire.com/mi3/TripleX.

This story does contain sex of the gay kind, drug and
alcohol use, implied incest, one incestuous kiss, and
scarily enough, straight kissing and implied straight
sex! If any of the preceeding scares you, exit this
story. If you're still here, I hope you enjoy.

******************

<i>I'd never have known
The way it feels to love
Without the love you showered
Down upon me
Warm as the sun
Melting away the rain
Giving me the strength
To face another morning

So many times I felt afraid
And turned to you
To find my way
I reach inside
And find you there
You are with me everywhere

All
It would take all of my life
To find someone more there for me
There for me
And I'm never alone
Cause in my heart I know
You're always there for me
There for me

I won't let go
Of precious memories
They are the light of hope
That burns inside me
And every time I lose my way
You shine for me
And I'm okay
You lead me way beyond it all
And you never let me fall

All
It would take all of my life
To find someone more there for me
There for me
And I'm never alone
Cause in my heart I know
You're always there for me
There for me
You always catch me when I fall

All
It would take all of my life
To find someone more there for me
There for me
And I'm never alone
Cause in my heart I know
You're always there for me
There for me
My love

You're always there for me

Mariah Carey "There for Me"</i>

I pushed past the mobs of people littering the streets
and made it to my building. I let myself in, and made
my way quickly up to my apartment. I'd needed to piss
for the past nine blocks, and while it was New York
City, I wasn't comfortable whipping the big guy out in
public. And since I'd taken off from home in such a
hurry this morning, I left my wallet sitting on my
dresser. So I got to foot it the 15 blocks home today.


After I had successfully drained the one-eyed monster,
I made my way back into the living room/bedroom area
and gave a glance at my answering machine. The number
4 was blinking at me, so I hit the button then
preceded to change out of the uptight clothes I had to
wear to work.

"You have four new messages," The machine spoke to me

"Trish, Steph, Mark and Stacy," I guessed as I tossed
my shirt in the direction of the massive mound I
called my dirty clothes.

"Hey Jeffy, it's Trish," Ah, score a point for me.
"Calling to ask you about the reunion this weekend. We
still riding to the airport together? Gimme a call,"

The reunion. The one day I had been looking forward to
all year. A chance to catch up with old friends. I
hadn't seen some of them since the last reunion a year
ago. And then there were some I saw every day, like
Stacy and Trish. Well, and Mark.

But for some reason, I'd been wishing I'd see less of
Mark. I didn't know why. I mean, the guy was hot.
Actually, hot didn't even start to describe him. And
he was an easy guy to get along with. He wasn't
boring, he didn't have a speech impediment like that
guy that Amy used to date. But there was just
something about him lately that annoyed me. He became
too clingy, or something. Actually, who was I kidding?
I was just trying to make there be something wrong
with Mark. His only problem was, he wasn't Matt.

Matt, my own brother. But I was so in love with him.
And no matter what Mark did, no matter how much he
said he loved me, I could never banish Matt from my
mind, or my heart. He still had such a hold on me. I
could spend hours fucking Mark, but the second I
looked into those puppy dog brown eyes, I would think
of Matt. I still wanted Matt so bad. But he didn't
want me. And that sucked. He'd pretty much traded me
in for a smaller, less attractive version of me with a
female name. Shannon, what kind of name is that for a
guy? But even though he'd done that, I couldn't bring
myself to hate him. I don't think I could ever hate
something that beautiful. 'Oh well.' I thought to
myself. 'He doesn't want me. He's got Shannon.' I
deleted the message and waited for the next one to
play.

"Hey Jeff, it's Stacy," Two points for me. "Torrie's
gonna be at the reunion right? I sound desperate, I
know. Anyway, gimme a call,"

My dear lesbian friend Stacy and her obsession with
the bicycle of our little group. That bicycle I'm
speaking of is known as Torrie. We call her the
bicycle because, well, she might as well be. Everyone
in our group had gotten a ride, male or female. I'd
even let her suck me off one night in a coke induced
haze. I ran my ass down to the clinic the next day to
make sure she hadn't given me something. Thankfully,
she didn't. I knew damn sure I'd never let that happen
again, no matter how fucked up I got. We all warned
Stacy about the dangers of riding the bicycle, but she
still marveled at its handle bars (Read: Gigantic
Breasts.) Well, whatever floated her boat I guess. I
was the one in love with my own brother after all. I
didn't give it a second thought as I deleted Stacy's
message and let the next one play.

"Hey Jeff, It's Mark," Three points. "Listen. I'm not
coming to the reunion this weekend. They're more your
friends than mine, so you just enjoy your time
together with them, and I'll see you when you get
back. Later,"

That was odd. For the past week or so, Mark had been
totally hyped about the reunion, and seeing everyone
again. Now he was calling and telling me he wasn't
going. I can't say I was disappointed however. I was
actually sort of relieved. He was a newer edition to
our group, though I wasn't the one that brought him
in, Stephanie was. But anyway, since he was a newer
edition, he hadn't formed any close friendships
besides myself and Stephanie. And at these reunions,
Stephanie usually kept herself glued to Rob's ass,
thus leaving Mark glued to mine. At least with him not
going, I had a chance to just hang with my friends.
And get shit faced like we used to do. And have sweaty
reunion sex with all my old buddies if the opportunity
arose. I was sure the opportunity would arise at least
once. I was seriously wishing that one time would be
Matt, but I knew that was probably nothing more than a
pipe dream. I deleted Mark's message then began
digging in my refrigerator for something to eat.

"Hey bitch, it's Me," Me, of course, was Stephanie.
Did I know who calls me or what? "Everything is set
for the reunion. I'll have your and Trishy's tickets
at the airport. Anyway, gimme a call. Later babes,"

I deleted the last message, then plopped down onto the
couch. I dug around in the cushions for a few seconds
until I produced the TV remote for the 13" TV I'd won
as a door prize at a strip club. Thankfully, my
building had an illegal cable hook up, so I was able
to get more channels than just the local shit. I
flipped around for a few seconds til I reached ESPN. I
wasn't all that interested in sports, but they were
doing an interview with an old friend of mine from
Canada, who just happened to play for the Detroit Red
Wings.

"So Kirk Maltby, fans everywhere wanna know, what does
a girl have to do to get your interest?" The reporter
asked. I almost spit my soda out when I heard the
question. You see, Kirk and I had been "special"
friends. With the exception of Matt, Kirk was the best
I'd ever had. My interest was piqued. I couldn't wait
to see how Kirk answered this question.

"Well Joel," Kirk started in that sexy Canadian accent
that I loved. "She's got to be a really, special
girl,"

"Yeah, or a special guy," I spoke to the TV.

The grin on Kirk's face was enough to make me weak in
the knees, but he'd always had that power over me.
Come to think of it, Matt had that power over me too.
Dammit, I couldn't even go five minutes without
thinking about him. Even when staring at the sex god
that is Kirk Maltby, I couldn't stop thinking about
Matt. Seeing him with Shannon this weekend was going
to kill me. Oh well, hopefully I'd be too blitzed to
even notice. I snapped myself back to reality and
noticed the interview with Kirk was over. I switched
off the TV then reached over and grabbed the phone. I
dialed up Trish's number then walked to my closet. I
started searching through my clothes for something gay
to wear, something told me we'd be hitting a bar
tonight. And I was sick of not getting hit on because
they thought Trish was my girlfriend. We'd only fucked
once, and that was a total drunken mistake. I would
never dock the Skin Boat in Tuna Town sober.

"Talk to me," Trish said as she answered the phone.

"Hey bitch," I replied, in my typical fashion.

"Hey, we clubbing tonight?"

"I'm up for it if you are,"

"I'm always up for it,"

"See you, 8ish?"

"Be there,"

"Later," I finished, shutting off the phone and
tossing it to the bed behind me.

I ripped a grey mesh shirt from the hanger and tossed
it over to the bed. I flipped through my pants for a
few seconds until finding the black cargo pants I was
looking for. I yanked them out and tossed them to the
bed with the shirt. I pulled my boxers off and tossed
them onto my dirty clothes pile, then made my way to
the shower.

I turned on the faucet and waited impatiently as the
water spat and sputtered before eventually becoming
the weak stream I was forced to bathe in every day. I
stepped under the water and let the hot water relieve
what little tension I incurred while sitting behind my
desk all day. I tried my best not to think of anything
while I began to soap myself up. But as my hands
connected with my chest, I was instantly reminded of
Matt. I tried to flush him from my mind, but I could
not do it. I could feel my cock begin to harden as
memories overtook my mind. I gave in to the memories,
and grasped my rapidly swelling cock in my hand. I
began to jerk up slowly, the way Matt used to do. But
my slow strokes soon turned to quick jerks. My hand
was flying rapidly up and down my now fully erect 9
inches. I knew in no time I'd reach my release. But
just as that thought crossed my mind, a knock came at
the bathroom door.

"Jeff, you in there?" The voice I heard was that of my
neighbor Lance. Lance had the tendency to pop over
unannounced to use my shower, or my phone, or me for
that matter. We'd slept together a few times, usually
when Mark was out of town on business. But more often
that not, it was the shower. He lived in the top floor
apartments, and seemingly nothing worked way up there.
Hell, anything barely worked on my floor, and I was
only on the second. But I guess that's New York
apartments for you. I mentally cursed myself for not
locking my door as I reluctantly removed my hand from
my cock. I grabbed my shampoo bottle from behind me
and yelled out to Lance.

"I'll be out in a minute," I yelled as I squirted a
glob of the shampoo into my hair.

I washed my hair quickly then shut the water off. I
grabbed a towel from the towel rack and began to dry
myself as I stepped from the tub. I fastened the towel
around my waist then exited the bathroom. As I stepped
back into the main room, I noticed Lance sitting at my
kitchen table hitting something with my remote
control. I knew from experience that it was coke. That
was probably why I never said anything to Lance about
the shower. He kept me well supplied in drugs, coke in
particular. Still wearing the towel, I walked over to
the table and sat down next to him.

"Line it up," I spoke

Lance only nodded then lined the coke up on the table
with his driver's license. After he'd arranged two
perfect little lines, he spoke.

"Fuck kittens' first," He said, motioning me toward
the coke.

I didn't take the time to digest the Fuck Kitten
comment before I snorted up the coke. I sat back in
the chair and let my second favorite feeling overtake
me as Lance snorted up his line. He sat back and
stared at me through hazed eyes.

"You look really hot like that," He spoke, wiping at
his nose.

"Not this weekend, I'm saving my energy for my little
reunion thing. And did you call me fuck kitten?"

I had just remembered about his comment before I'd
snorted the line. Fuck Kitten was my nick name within
my group, though it had been shortened to FK for
public use. I never remembered telling Lance about
that. But then again, I didn't remember a whole lot of
times with Lance. There weren't very many times
together when we were high off some kind of narcotic.
But that's who Lance was, my drug buddy.

"Yeah," He giggled. "That girl, the tall Dyke told me
about it one day,"

"Hey," I snapped, kicking him under the table. "Don't
call her a dyke. She's heterosexually challenged,"

With the finish of my statement we both erupted in
laughter. I don't know where on Earth that came from.
But I was known for my wit when high. I was also known
for becoming a total horn ball, but that's a different
story. I had to execute some self control today. I
wanted to save all my energy for the reunion. I was
guaranteed to get sex from someone. And whomever I got
it from, odds are that I wouldn't get it from them
again for another year. With Lance, I could get it
pretty much anytime I wanted. Hell, all I would have
to do is take my towel off and he'd be on me like
sweat on a fat guy. He was easy like that. A little
too easy sometimes. But hey, he came through in a
pinch. But I wasn't in a pinch this time. I was saving
myself for the reunion.

"So what'd you come for?" I asked after our laughter
about "heterosexually challenged" began to cease.

"I just came to get high, for once. It's no fun
alone," He replied, stretching his hands over his
head.

"Totally agree. But I have to get ready, you're
welcome to hang around," I explained, standing up from
the table and walking toward my bed.

"Who's coming over?"

"Trish," I replied, grabbing a fresh pair of boxers
from my closet.

"I'm outtie then. See you later man,"

"Bye," I laughed as Lance left. Trish had never liked
Lance, and she made sure to tell him that anytime they
were near each other. Lance on the other hand, had the
major hots for her, but he couldn't stand her attitude
when around him. So they kept themselves pleasantly
distanced from each other whenever humanly possible.
The most communication between the two of them were
phony ass smiles as one or the other left my place. I
didn't mind things this way. I'd just assume keep them
separated. That way I wouldn't have to share yet
another drug/fuck buddy with Trish.

I slipped my clothes on quickly then walked back to
the bathroom. I appraised myself in the mirror for a
moment, making sure I looked to my standards. I had to
tell myself that no one could possibly look as good as
me at that very moment. I'm vain at times, I won't
lie. I grabbed a bottle of cologne from the sink and
sprayed a few shots on. I was still pleasantly
floating from the coke, so I walked back to the living
room and plopped down onto the sofa to enjoy the last
few minutes of my buzz before Trish arrived.

I was sitting in silence, reflecting on the past
reunions when my buzzer went off. I glanced at the
clock and noticed it was only 7:00. Never in the years
I had known Trish had she showed up an hour early. I'd
had a history with the kids in the building messing
with my buzzer. It started with them being annoying
teenagers, but it eventually turned into a joke
between us. That was even how my other nick name of
Rainbow was started. You see, there was never a time
since I'd moved into this building when I had normal
colored hair. I always had a multitude of colors in my
hair, a rainbow you know? So they started calling me
Rainbow. I can't count the times when they rang my
buzzer at night to let them in so their parents
wouldn't know how late they were out. And since Trish
was never early, my guess was one of them needed in.
So I hopped up from the couch and walked over to the
buzzer.

"Announce yourself now, or meet the consequences," I
spoke in my best Wizard of Oz like voice.

"Let me up shithead," Trish laughed.

"Say the magic words," I laughed back.

"No, there are old people out here," She whined.
"Hello old people, how are you?" She asked snippily, I
assumed talking to the old people

"All the better. Say it or stay out there all night,"

"I could always buzz Lance you know,"

"Like he'd let you in. Just say the words, you know
they're all true,"

I heard a very loud sigh, then Trish clearing her
throat. "Jeff is the unholy God of all sex. No one in
the world does it better than him. He's rocks my world
better than the rest. All should pay homage to his
massive penis. All hail FK, King of Fuck," She rambled
out plainly.

"Very well done," I laughed, pressing the button to
buzz her in.

I continued to laugh about my victory while I waited
for her to come up. No matter how often I made my
friends say that, I enjoyed it each time like it was
the first time. It was the best making Stacy say it,
since she was totally lesbian, and claimed the thought
of me "rocking her world" made her ill. I plopped back
onto the sofa and turned the radio on.

"I hate you you prick," Trish yelled in mock anger as
she entered.

"You do not," I replied simply.

"Yeah, I know," She agreed, taking a seat across from
me on the bed.

"Why you here so early?"

"Why not, ain't shit to do at my place. Not like you
were doing anything anyway, or is Mark hiding under
the bed?" She mocked, lighting up a cigarette. She
motioned at me with the pack, but I declined. Never
was a big fan of smoking. Not cigarettes anyways.

"No bitch, Mark isn't hiding under the bed. I don't
think he even wants me anymore,"

"Well, you HAVE been talking about Matty alot lately.
He's probably just jealous,"

'Jealous.' I thought. Well he should be. He knew from
the beginning about my relationship with Matt. He knew
the piece of my heart that Matt held could never be
touched by anyone else. But he'd always respected
that. I remember distinctly one time when Mark and I
were talking about Matt. That was the day that I
realized Mark was probably the right one for me. But
as much as I knew that, I couldn't force myself to
believe it. I still wanted Matt, no matter how sweet
and loving Mark was. 'I know Matt holds a piece of
your heart, but all I'm asking is for you to give me a
chance to win the other half.' No one had ever cared
enough to say something like that. None of them wanted
my heart. Matt had wanted it at one point, but he got
tired of it like an old toy. So he traded me in.
Snapped my heart in half. Mark however, was tender,
loving, and romantic. Three things Matt stopped being
after a certain point. A part of me was convinced that
day that Mark was the right guy for me. But no matter
how hard I tried, I couldn't convince that other part
of me it was true. I guess when it came down to it,
Matt didn't hold a piece of my heart; he held the
whole damned thing.

"Earth to Jeff," Trish spoke, waving her hand in my
face.

"Sorry," I said, physically shaking myself from my
trance.

"Where were you?"

"You said the magic name, you know how I get,"

"Yeah, I do," She sighed. "Why, I still don't know,"
'Why?' I thought to myself. I guess I didn't even know
why I still loved Matt so much. But I guess I saw it
all through love colored glasses. I could remember the
bad times just fine. It pained me everytime to
remember the way he'd become. Cold, uncaring, abusive,
albeit only emotional. He pretty much became a
downright asshole. He even went so far as to tear me
while having sex. And afterwards, he'd said nothing
but a cold, forced, "You okay?" I managed an "I'm
fine" through my tears. It wasn't the pain of the
injury that hurt, it was the emotional pain it caused.
The old Matt would've wrapped me up and held me in his
arms for hours. He would've kissed me, and held me,
until every little pain in my world went away. The old
Matt wouldn't have even gotten in the position to tear
me, because he took his time, he did everything with
total loving care. He was so utterly great to me back
then. It was those memories that gave me the goggles.
I could remember the bad Matt, but I didn't. I
remembered MY Matt, the Matt who loved me.

"I love him Trishy, I can't help it," I replied sadly.


"I know sweety," She replied, giving me a sad puppy
dog look. "But he doesn't deserve your tears,"

"I know,"

"Hey, what's your motto?"

"Fuck kittens don't cry," I replied meekly.

"Louder boy!" She yelled, hopping to her feet.

"Fuck Kittens don't cry!," I yelled, hopping to my
feet.

Damn right, now let's go get fucked up!"

"Lead the way!"

That's what I loved about Trish. She possessed the
power to cheer me up no matter what was going on. I
had a lot of people in my life. But I was most
thankful for Trish. She'd been there for me throughout
the shittiest times of my life. The times I was at
absolute rock bottom, and didn't think I'd make it
back, she was there. <i>"You always catch me when I
fall. All, it would take all of my life. To find,
someone more there for me,"</i> Words never rang more
true.

Trish and I were laughing and singing Mariah Carey's
"Heartbreaker" (horribly I might add) as we made our
way downstairs and onto the street. As we stepped out
of the building, a couple of the teens from the
building were walking up.

"Hey Rainbow, hot date tonight?" The oldest of the
bunch, Logan asked, raising his eyebrows at Trish. She
rolled her eyes and gave him her "In your dreams"
look.

Hardly, you know I like dick," I replied, putting my
arm around Trish's shoulders and proceeding to walk
away.

"So when you gonna suck mine?" he yelled after us.

When you meet my size requirement!" I yelled back as
we kept on walking.

"You are totally bad!" Trish laughed.

"Eh shut up," I laughed in return.

We laughed about it for a few more seconds before
Trish picked up the song where we'd left off. We were
laughing and singing as loudly as possible as we
walked down the street towards our friend Kurt's bar.
If you were a normal person walking down the street,
you'd assume we were already drunk. But alas, that's
how Trish and I acted normally. You haven't seen a
party until you've seen Me and Trish drunk.

We stopped our singing as we walked into the bar. It
was still early, so very few people were there. We
walked up to our usual table and took a seat. Our
friend Kurt seemed occupied by some girl at the bar,
so I whistled to get his attention.

"FK, Trish!" Kurt yelled from the bar. "Haven't seen
you guys in weeks," He said as he walked up to our
table.

"Yeah, Sean was in town for a few, you know the
parties at his place," Trish explained, removing her
jacket and sitting it on the chair next to her.

I always enjoyed the look on Kurt's face as Trish's
chest came into view. He wanted her totally bad. But
there was one little thing that kept him from acting
on it; he was married. And his wife was pretty crazy.
She'd attacked him at the bar one day for flirting
with Trish. Me and Stacy were eventually able to
subdue her, after Stacy slapped her a few times. And
take it from me, Stacy packs a lethal slap. After that
night, Kurt put all thoughts of an affair with Trish
away, for his own safety as much as hers. I wasn't so
sure Trish would go for him anyway. Though she'd said
a couple of times how she wondered what he was like in
bed.

"So what do you guys want? The usual?" He asked,
giving a quick glance between me and Trish.

"Yep," Trish and I replied in unison.

"One Long Island Ice Tea and one Fuzzy Navel coming
right up, on the house for tonight,"

"Kurt, how do you make any money if you never charge
us for drinks?" I asked as he walked back to the bar.

"I'm an erotic dancer on the side. You know Jeff, like
you used to be,"

"Hey! That was a one time thing, and I was totally
drunk," I yelled in my defense

"You're always totally drunk, you function better that
way," Trish laughed.

"Hey, it's you fault I ever did that anyways." I said,
turning to Trish.

"I just said 'Someone should dance on the table' I
didn't say 'Jeff, dance on the table'."

"Whatever, you're wrong," I said in mock anger.

Trish didn't speak in return but laughed as Kurt
returned with our drinks. He took a seat next to me
and lit up a cigarette. We talked about the usual
stuff; sex, drugs, rock and roll. Well, maybe not rock
and roll, but it just fit with that statement. And as
Trish and I killed off our drinks, Kurt would get us
more. That's my guess as to why I remember nothing
until I woke up the next morning.

* * *

I woke up the next morning with a splitting headache
and an extreme pain in my left arm. I attempted to sit
up, but my left arm wouldn't budge. I glanced over in
horror as I saw Trish laying on my arm. Before even
attempting to wake her, I tried my best to remember
the previous night. But I could remember nothing past
drink number 4. This was how we'd slept together last
time. I couldn't possibly have been that drunk, could
I? That was a dumbass question, of course I could've.
I lifted up the blanket and was horrified yet again
when I noticed Trish was wearing nothing but her bra
and panties. 'God!' I cursed myself. 'I did it again.'


Trish," I said lightly, poking her in the shoulder.

She murmured for a few seconds before opening her eyes
and looking at me. When she did, I saw the same look
of horror on her face that I must've had only minutes
earlier. She sat up quickly and looked at me. When she
noticed she was in only her bra, she pulled the
blanket off of me to cover herself. We stared at each
other for a few seconds, nervously laughing
occasionally.

"We didn't do.....anything, did we?" She asked,
clutching the blanket to her chest.

"I don't remember," I replied truthfully.

"Oh God, me neither,"

"We'd remember if we did something, right?"

"I would imagine....."

"We couldn't have done anything," I said, trying to
sound sure of myself.

"Yeah, you're right,"

"Let's go get breakfast," I said, standing up from the
bed.

As I stood up, an empty condom wrapper fell from the
bed. Trish and I both looked at it with horror, but
decided to not even comment on it. I tried my best to
flush all thoughts of sex with Trish from my mind as I
walked towards the bathroom. I shut the door behind me
and began to take my morning piss as I heard Trish
stumble around in the other room. I flushed the toilet
then walked over to the sink to brush my teeth. Just
as the toothbrush entered my mouth, Trish started to
speak.

"Do you have a clock in this house, what time is it?"

"By the bed," I replied with a mouthful of toothpaste.


"Son of a bitch, Jeff its already noon. We're supposed
to meet Steph at the airport in an hour,"

"You're fucking kidding me right?" I said, opening the
bathroom door.

"See for yourself," She returned, holding up my alarm
clock. I read in unmistakable large green numbers,
12:14.

"Fuck, let's get it in gear. You shower here, I'll go
up and see if Lance's is working, if not, I'll use the
Valasquez's downstairs. Make it quick,"

"Okay," She agreed, standing up from the bed and
making her way to the bathroom.

I grabbed a towel from the floor, praying to God it
was relatively clean, then made my way quickly from my
apartment. I didn't have time to see if the elevator
wanted to work today, so I ran the 5 flights up to
Lance's apartment. It probably would've been easier to
go the one flight down to the Valasquez's, but I was
always afraid that old lady was staring at me when I
was in the bathroom, like she had a peephole
somewhere. So I always exhausted my one other
possibility before going there.

When I arrived at Lance's door, it was as usual open
just a crack. His apartment had quite a few problems,
and the door never shutting right was one of them. I
knocked as a formality, then let myself in. The
apartment was totally silent, which wasn't a surprise
for Lance before 1:00 P.M.. I walked over to the sofa
where he slept, and stared down at him. He looked so
cute when he was sleeping. He was even drooling a
little bit. I didn't want to disturb his peaceful
slumber, so I made my way to his bathroom.

I crossed my fingers as I started to fiddle with the
water. It sputtered for quite awhile, much like my own
shower did. But eventually however, it produced a weak
stream, which would just have to do in this case. I
shucked my boxers then stepped under the water and
quickly rinsed myself down before grabbing a bar of
soap from the sink next to the shower. I marveled
while soaping myself on how clean Lance's bathroom
was. But why shouldn't it be, he never uses it, he
uses mine. Not like I cared, the more naked cute guys
in my apartment the better I guess. I rinsed the soap
from my body then quickly shampooed my hair. Just as I
had gotten the last of the shampoo from my hair, the
water started to sputter again. I just laughed at the
timing then stepped from the tub and dried myself off.
I slipped my boxers on then fastened my towel around
my waist. As I was walking out of the bathroom, Lance
was waking up. He blinked at me a few times, then
yawned loudly.

"Jeff, what are you doing here?"

"I had to use your shower. No time to explain, I'll
see you on Tuesday when I get back," I spat out
quickly, giving him a light peck on the cheek then
running quickly out of his door and back to my
apartment.

As I walked in, Trish was sitting on the bed brushing
her hair. I couldn't help but laugh when I noticed she
was wearing some of my clothes. She'd obviously dug
deep into my closet, and produced a tattered pair of
tear-away pants and a faded Orlando Magic sweatshirt,
both things I hadn't seen in quite awhile.

"Where are your clothes?" I asked as I snatched a
quick outfit from my closet

"I can't find them. As in they're not here in this
house,"

"Let's try not to think about last night anymore,"

"Agreed,"

I slipped my clothes on then pulled my duffel bag,
which I had packed a few days earlier from my closet.
I slung it over my shoulder and checked my pockets to
make sure I had everything I needed. All systems were
go. I snatched my house keys from atop my tv, and
walked to the door.

"We'd better hurry if we still have to stop at your
place," I said as we walked out. I turned and locked
the door behind me.

"It's all taken care of, Stacy already has my stuff,"

"She meeting us at the airport?" I asked as we
continued downstairs

"No, she's already on her way. She's meeting Rob in
Chicago at 2, then flying non-stop to the reunion,"

"All right," I said as we stepped outside. "Taxi!" I
yelled.

A taxi pulled up quickly. Trish and I hopped into the
backseat and gave him directions to the airport. And
Trish volunteered my money saying "If you get us there
quick, we'll give you a bonus." The driver seemed to
enjoy that idea, because he squealed his tires as we
pulled away from the curb. But sure enough, we got
there in about five minutes. We thanked the driver and
I left him with an extra 10 bucks for getting us there
so quickly. I gave a quick glance at Trish's watch as
we walked into the airport, 12:45, just in time.

We walked around the airport for a few seconds before
we saw Stephanie. Trish and I walked up slowly,
waiting for Stephanie to explode at us for being late.
But as her eyes connected with ours, a huge smile came
to her face.

"I might've known you two assholes would be late," She
said, standing up from her chair.

I rushed over to her and pulled her into a hug. I
swung her around for a few seconds while we said the
usual "I missed you so much" "It's so great to see
you." and things of that nature. Stephanie had always
been one of my best friends. But we rarely saw each
other. She worked for a major Travel Agency in
Connecticut, and I did the whole "Secretary by day,
party animal by night" thing in New York. The four of
us (Me, Stephanie, Trish and Stacy) usually got
together about once or twice a year, not counting the
reunion. But she'd been extremely busy this year, and
this was the first time we'd saw her since last year's
reunion. So it was only expected we acted like this.

After Stephanie and I separated, Stephanie and Trish
found themselves in the hug position. They stayed like
that for about as long as Stephanie and I had before
they separated with tears in their eyes.

"I miss you guys so much," Stephanie said, squeezing
my hand.

"We miss you too," I assured her.

"We'd better start boarding," Trish said, glancing at
her watch.

"Yeah," Stephanie and I agreed.

I played gentleman for a day, and grabbed Stephanie's
bag for her. She started to relay to us the trip here
to New York, when she stopped and stared at Trish.

"Why are you wearing that?" Stephanie asked,
bewildered.

"Don't ask. I'll tell you on the plane," Trish
replied, pushing Stephanie towards the gate.

I just shook my head and laughed at the two of them.
Since Stephanie had booked everything, she had the
tickets. She handed them to the guy at the gate, and
the three of us boarded the plane laughing and joking
like total idiots, just like the old days.

* * *

We were the first to arrive at the house where the
reunion would take place. The house was is what made
the reunion so great. You see, Stephanie's parents
made billions in the field of internet porn. And once
a year, when they took their annual vacation to Fiji,
they gave Stephanie full use of their ten bedroom
California estate. And Stephanie put it to good use,
inviting our entire group of 14 or so people over and
having an entire weekend of sex, drugs, and more sex
and drugs all over her parents house. It was always
one kick ass bash, and the house made it possible. I
can't imagine us enjoying ourselves as much as we do
if we held the reunion in my cramped little apartment
in New York.

As we usually did, Trish and I found a room and
declared it our own for the time being. Most of the
time it wouldn't be touched all weekend. Sleep was
usually had in the party rooms, where you passed out
more than fell asleep. But I tried my best not to do
that, because you never know who'll wake up next to
you, i.e., the bicycle in my case. But more often than
not there were pleasant surprises, like the time I
woke up next to Jay. At last year's reunion I didn't
have to worry about who I woke up next to, Matt was
there to protect me. I think this year I was going to
sleep with a condom on. I really didn't need to wake
up next to the bicycle again.

After everything was settled, the three of us went to
the media room (or the Booze Room when we used the
house) to wait for everyone to arrive. We caught each
other up on our lives, which we all decided were
splendidly boring. With the exception of the
occasional night out, or a steamy affair, we all did
the same thing: Work, sleep, work and sleep some more.
This reunion was the vacation we needed. A weekend of
nothing but sex, drugs, and all of our greatest
friends. The three of us vowed to make the best of it,
because come Tuesday, it was back to the same old
routine.

After about 20 minutes or so, the other members of the
group began to arrive. Amy, Adam, Stacy and Rob
arrived with very little fanfare. There was the token
long hug and the "I missed you" stuff, but nothing
more. That is except for Rob. When Rob arrived,
Stephanie damned near knocked Stacy over getting to
him. She threw her arms around his neck and pulled him
to her for a LONG kiss. The rest of us watched with
amusement for the first couple minutes, then began the
expected gag motions. Once the kiss was parted,
Stephanie flipped us off and told us to get our asses
back in the media room. It took her and Rob another
five minutes or so to join us, so we mocked them a
little more when they arrived. We tried to mock them
as much as possible, because it was funny seeing Rob
blush like a school girl.

"So guys, wanna take bets on how many times they have
sex this weekend?" Trish joked.

"No one wants to keep tabs on that," Adam laughed.

"Fuck you guys," Stephanie whined, cuddling up on
Rob's arm.

We mocked them for a few more seconds before asking
for details on Adam and Amy's new life together.
They'd realized at last years reunion how desperately
in love they were. Of course, it was kind of bad
timing, because Adam was involved with our friend Jay
then. They were both going to be here this weekend, so
it was truly going to be an interesting time. We'd
been forewarned in the weeks leading in to not mention
Adam and Jay's relationship at all this weekend. It
was still a sore spot for both of them, more so Jay
than Adam. We all swore not to, the less tension in
the air the better. It was going to be bad enough for
Jay seeing Adam and Amy together all weekend long. But
I figured Jay and I would hang this weekend. He had
Amy and Adam to deal with, I had Matt and Shannon. We
could avoid them together.

"Hello?" A voice yelled from the other room,
interrupting the conversation.

"It's Chris," Stacy replied matter of factly.

"Go get him Jeffy," Amy laughed in a mocking way.

"Trust me, that's not a problem," I said, hopping to
my feet.

I made my way quickly to the front door to greet my
favorite non-Matt male of the group. Behind Matt,
Chris was the love of my life, and we'd never really
dated. Chris was the best friend I'd fallen in love
with. I'd always made a pact with myself to never get
emotionally attached to the guys of the group any
other way than friendship, because they were all
whores. Hell, I can't lie, so was I. As much as I
tried not to, the pact was broken with Chris. I
couldn't help myself. Anytime I looked into those
ocean blue eyes, I got all weak kneed. I knew I loved
him long before anything happened with Matt. Then
after Matt dumped me, Chris was right there for me.
<i>"And any time I lose my way, you shine for me and
I'm okay. You lead me way beyond it all, and you never
let me fall."</i> That was Chris. I don't think I
would've come out of the pain of that breakup if Chris
wasn't there. But of course, that lead me right back
into my feelings for him. I finally got brave enough
to tell him one day. And he told me he felt the same
way. But thankfully, in a way, we never acted on the
feelings beyond a little kissing. Chris was one of the
stronger friendships in my life, and I didn't want
anything to damage that. It kind of sucked to not be
with him, but knowing he loved me the way I loved him
got me through a lot.

"Jeffy?" He asked, removing his sunglasses. "What'd
you do to your hair?"

"Time for that later, just hug me dammit," I laughed,
pulling him to me.

We stayed like that for close to five minutes. More
than any of the others I'd seen that day, I dished out
the "I missed you" stuff for Chris. By the time we
separated our embrace, there were tears in both of our
eyes.

"Is Mark here?" He asked, wiping his eyes on his
sleeve.

"No, he didn't come," I replied.

"Good," He said again, grabbing the waist of my jeans
and pulling me to him.

He placed his lips roughly on mine. The un-acted upon
passion between us was evident in the urgency of our
kisses. I opened my mouth slightly, begging Chris'
tongue to enter. He quickly obliged, and our tongues
were soon writhing passionately against each other. I
felt his hand drift down to my ass and pull me closer
to him. I could feel his rapidly hardening cock
pressing insistently against it's fabric confines. His
hands began to snake down past the waist of my jeans
and begin to caress my ass. As I began to do the same,
we heard someone clearing their throat behind us.

"Sorry boys, am I interrupting something?" Stacy asked
with an amused tone in her voice.

"Stacy!" Chris exclaimed, extending his arms.

I watched with amusement as the two of them hugged,
Stacy standing roughly the same height as Chris. This
whole hugging routine would grow quite tiresome by the
end of the weekend. But it was still fun to watch for
the time being. As the two of them separated, Stacy
had tears in her eyes. She walked up to me and wiped
her face on my shirt sleeve. Chris laughed as I wiped
at my sleeve.

"Did you let him do that to his hair?" He asked,
bending down and grabbing his bag.

"Nope, totally Trishy's idea," Stacy laughed, swatting
at my rainbow colored pony tail.

"Well, it does look sexy on you FK, I have to say," He
said, pushing a piece of hair from my forehead.

Something about that was so incredibly cute to me. I
could feel my knees begin to knock. I smiled brightly
at Chris, and he flashed his lopsided little grin back
at me. It was obvious from the look on Stacy's face
she was amused with our silent flirting. She'd been
encouraging me in the day's prior to hook up with
Chris this weekend. I told emphatically every time
that it wasn't going to happen. I knew for certain
that Chris and I would never go beyond the kissing. We
both needed the friendship too much to let anything
mess it up. And even if it did happen, what good would
it do me? He lives in Canada. I live in New York. I
was totally happy with the way things were now. Chris
loved me, and I loved him. We both knew it, and that
was enough for both of us.

"Come on," Stacy said, grabbing Chris by the hand.
"Everyone is dying to see you," I laughed as Stacy
drug Chris into the media room. I could hear everyone
with the "I missed you" stuff in the other room. As I
went to go join them, I heard the door open from
behind me. I turned around and noticed three more
members of our group walking in; Billy, Jay, and the
bicycle. I did a 360 and rushed back to greet them. I
repeated the hug routine with all of them, spending
the least amount of time with Torrie. I didn't feel
right professing how much I missed a person when I
didn't really miss them. But despite all that, it was
still good to see her. I led the three of them into
the media room where they were greeted with a
resounding "Hey!" It took awhile this time for
everyone the hug routine to go around. After everyone
had said their hello's, Stephanie flipped on the TV.
We all looked on with question until she explained to
us what it was.

"Before the parentals left, they informed me they
found an old video of us,"

"What, Night of the Living Dead?" Adam joked, to which
no one laughed. Poor Adam, no one ever laughed at his
jokes.

"No, Prom Night ring a bell?" Stephanie replied. A
loud "NO!" erupted from the group. None of us wanted
to relive our dorky high school days. Me especially. I
felt no inclination to revisit a time where I had
braces, normal colored hair, and was about a foot
shorter than I am now. But despite our objections,
Stephanie played the video anyway. Groans and laughter
were shot from every direction as images came into
view. I covered my eyes and shook my head. I looked
even more horrible than I had remembered, and they
were sure to remind me of it with they're "Ha! Look at
Jeffy!" I didn't feel so bad. Adam and Billy looked
just as bad as I did. The girls were lucky, none of
them looked much different. Stacy was a few inches
taller. And Trish's breasts miraculously got bigger,
how that happened, take one guess. It was quite an
experience watching that video. It was certainly a
great way to kick off the weekend, since we couldn't
start on the drugs or alcohol until the entire group
was there, and Matt and Shannon were still missing.

No sooner than that thought ran through my mind, I
heard that annoying giggle that could only belong to
Shannon. I had the urge to up and leave the room then,
but I figured if I had to put up with it all weekend,
I had to at least learn to tolerate them. Billy
shouted to them where we were, and I could still hear
them laughing as they walked into the room.

"Hey guys, sorry we're late. We lost track of time on
the ride here," Shannon giggled, cuddling on Matt's
arm.

That was it for me. I couldn't handle anymore of that.
The sight of that bastard with MY Matty was
nauseating. I stood up from my chair and without a
word walked out the opposite door than the one they
stood at. I walked to the back door and stepped out
onto the deck. The hot California air was almost as
bad a slap in face as seeing Matt and Shannon
together. How in the hell I was going to live with
that all weekend I had no idea now. I thought that I'd
be able to do it, but I knew after seeing it only that
once, that there was no way I could. The feelings for
Matt were still so strong in my heart. It was like
someone took a cheese grater to my heart seeing them
together. Something told me this reunion wasn't going
to be that fun for me.

"Jeffy?" Trish said as she walked up behind me.

"Sorry, but I couldn't take that," I replied as she
sat next to me on the deck rail.

"It's okay, no one blames you. Well Matt does, but who
cares, right?"

"I care,"I replied, feeling the tears well up in my
eyes. "And I hate it,"

"I know sweety," She said sympathetically, laying her
head on my shoulder. "If you want, me and Steph will
choke Shannon in his sleep?"

"Thanks," I giggled. "Still wouldn't make Matt want me
again though,"

"Fuck Matt. You are much better off without him. What
about Chris?"

"Chris and I will never be together Trish, you know
that just as well as everyone else,"

"I don't know Jeffy, he was looking at you differently
today," She explained, sitting across from me on the
bench.

My interest was piqued. "What do you mean different?"

"Different, like googly eyed," She replied, lighting a
cigarette.

"How do you know?"

"I know the eyes Jeffy. Hell, no one gives them to me
anymore, but I still know what they look like,"

"You're crazy. Chris and I both know nothing will ever
happen, we've discussed it,"

"Well maybe he changed his mind,"

"Never going to happen Trishy. That's your dream,"

"Don't dismiss your options Jeffy, you never know,"

"I do know Trish. I'm never going to get my hopes up
on Chris. I've learned to love him from afar, same way
he has with me,"

"You don't want to love anyone else do you? It's Matt
or nothing for you, right?"

I stopped to think about that for a second. It pained
me to admit, but I think she was right. I really hated
myself when it came to love. I had all these great
guys around me, but all I wanted was my asshole older
brother. The guy who totally fucked me emotionally. So
badly, I didn't think I'd ever be strong enough for a
relationship again. And without Trish and Chris around
me, I know I wouldn't have made it through. Matt put
me in the mindset that I didn't matter. That no one
cared about me. That I wasn't good enough for anyone
to love. And I believed every word. Because he was my
world. And after he dumped me, I thought my life was
over. But Trish and Chris pulled me up. They dusted me
off and pretty much rebuilt me emotionally. <i>"They
are the light of hope that burns inside me."</i> And
after all that, I wanted to put myself right back into
that posistion. Why, I didn't really know. I mean, I
loved Matt. But did I love him enough to ruin my own
life? I really had no idea.

"I don't know, Trishy. I really don't know," I said,
taking a seat next to her on the bench.

"Remember, Fuck Kittens Don't Cry. Just try to forget
about Matt this weekend,"

"Yeah, that's possible with him and Shannon jumping
each other in plain site,"

"Steph will take care of that, rest assured. All
that's left for us to do is to drink, snort, or smoke
our troubles away. Come on," She said, patting me on
the knee.

I stood up from the bench and held out my hand to help
Trish up. She took it and I pulled her up and into a
hug. I kissed her softly on the cheek and said a quiet
"Thank You" in her ear. She just smiled and smacked me
on the ass. I laughed and darted back inside. I took
the long way back to the media room, and popped in
through the rear door. I walked around behind Chris
and put my arms around his neck. He looked back at me
and smiled brightly, and mouthed the words "You okay?"
I assured him I was. I saw Trish walk in and wink at
me. I glared back at her, then shifted my glare down
the wall to where Matt and Shannon sat. Shannon
returned the glare, but Matt just turned his head.
After that little talk with Trish, I was feeling a
little better about the whole situation. As my motto
says, Fuck Kittens Don't Cry. And as Trish has told me
repeatedly, Matt doesn't deserve my tears. I came to
have fun this weekend, and that was what I was going
to do. Sure, Matt and Shannon were nuisances trying to
rain on my parade. But I had 12 other people here to
make me happy. I was determined to have fun this
weekend, even if I had to spend the entire time
avoiding the two of them.

"Listen up." Stephanie said, stepping onto the coffee
table. "I want to thank everyone for taking time out
from their busy lives to come here for this, our 3rd
annual reunion. And now that everyone is here, I want
to officially kick this party off, with the ceremonial
lighting of the first joint," Stephanie preached,
pulling the bag from her pocket. "Jay, will you do the
honors this year?" She asked, waving the bag in his
direction.

"It would be my pleasure," Jay laughed, hopping to his
feet. Jay took the bag from Stephanie's hand and
pulled from it a perfectly wrapped joint. He reached
into his pocket and produced a zippo, and quickly lit
it against his leg. The rest of the group cheered as
he lit the joint, and the sweet aroma of weed began to
circulate around the room. Once the joint was lit, the
party was officially on. Bag after bag of weed and
other drugs were tossed onto the coffee table. I
noticed Stephanie disappear for a few seconds, before
returning with the key for her parents liquor cabinet.
She unlocked it, and pulled from it a bottle of Peach
Schnapps. That being my favorite liquor, I made my way
over to her. As I approached, she took a swig from the
bottle before pouring two glasses of it.

"Well Jeffy," She said, pushing the drink to me.
"Let's drink our troubles away," She said again,
holding her glass up.

"Here here," I laughed, toasting my glass against
hers.

Our glasses touched in a loud clang, audible to only
Stephanie and I over the loud music which had began to
play. Both Stephanie and I quickly downed the glass,
then made our way arm and arm back to the coffee
table. Chris had already began to line up the coke. He
glanced up at me as I approached, and flashed me his
breathtaking smile. Maybe Trish was right, he sure was
looking at me differently today. 'Oh well.' I told
myself. 'I came here to get trashed, not to dissect
possibilities for relationships.' I flushed all of
those thoughts from my head as Chris motioned me to
the coke. I dropped down to the floor next to him. He
visibly moved closer to me as he snorted the first
line. I tried to not pay any attention as I snorted my
line, but in all honesty I was intrigued as to what
this all could mean. But those thoughts would be
quickly forgotten as the high quickly overtook me.

* * *

I must've gotten completely wrapped up in the high,
because the next thing I knew, I was sitting on the
back deck with Shane and Jay. I was sprawled out on
the bench, and for a brief second I wondered how I got
there. But I pretty much figured I walked, since Jay
and Shane didn't look in the condition to be carrying
anyone. They were sitting on the floor with their
back's towards me, arguing about something. I couldn't
quite make out what they were talking about, so I sat
up on the bench and cocked my ear in their direction.

"Heartbreaker is a way better song!" Shane slurred
out, pushing Jay lightly in the shoulder.

"You're wrong, dude. Honey was totally the song!" Jay
returned, pushing Shane back.

"Actually, you're both wrong, Fantasy was the best," I
interjected loudly.

"FK!" They both yelled, turning to face me.

That was pretty much the end of excitement for my
awakening, as they quickly resumed their Mariah Carey
debate. I was completely comfortable where I was
sitting, or I would've left them to their argument.
But then again, I might not have, for fear they'd get
physical over it all. This gave me the time to come
down completely from my high, leaving me with just my
pleasant alcohol buzz. Eventually, Jay's high must've
worn off, because he announced he was going back for
more. After he left, Shane hopped to his feet and
joined me on the bench.

"Now that we're alone, I've been meaning to talk to
you," He said softly.

"You're not going to hit on me are you?" I asked
semi-jokingly. But hey, it was the first thought that
popped into my mind.

"No, dickhead," He said, punching me in the shoulder.
"I'm serious, this is important,"

"Okay, sorry. So what's up?"

"Well, you remember when Shannon broke up with me, how
tore up I was?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, you really helped me through that Jeffy.
Without you, I don't think I would've made it. I heard
this song the other day, and it really made me think
of you. There was this part that said <i>"It would
take all of my life to find someone more there for
me,"</i> And I know that's true with you Jeffy. Thanks
for always being there for me," He said, tears evident
in his voice.

"Shane, you prick, you made me cry," I said, reaching
across the bench and hugging him.

We hugged for minutes, allowing our tears to fall, and
laughing about them. We both staked our reputations on
being big manly men, but here we crying over happy
stuff. I didn't really care though. Very few times in
my life had anyone ever said something that wonderful
to me. I didn't know for sure if I was the person most
there for Shane. All I knew was that I'd always be
there for him. My friends were the most important
things in my life, all of them.

Once our tears ceased, we laughed at ourselves again
before heading back inside and to the booze. Shane
left me in the media room before he went away to do
whatever it was he was going to do. My guess was find
Jay and resume the Mariah debate. But I think I'd had
my full of that for one day, so I set out on my own
after grabbing myself a beer.

As I'd fully expected, the media room had been quickly
deserted, as it would stay for most of the weekend.
The only traffic it would get would be people grabbing
more alcohol. I walked around the house, peeking in
rooms here and there along the way. I don't think I
was so much looking for everyone as enjoying walking
around the house. But I did eventually locate a couple
of them, sitting on the dining room table playing
blackjack.

"What the hell are you weirdos doing?" I asked as I
walked in.

"What's it look like freak, playing blackjack," Trish
replied with a cigarette in her teeth.

"And that requires sitting on the dining room table?"
I asked again.

"Have one more beer FK and you'll be right up here
with us," Billy laughed, slamming his card down onto
the table.

"Shit, I'll get up there now," I laughed, taking a
seat behind Trish.

"Wanna play?" Trish asked, craning her head around to
look at me.

"Nah, I'm good for now,"

"Okay, but you're missing out," Billy explained as he
dealt he and Trish cards.

I took a swig from my beer and laughed at the two of
them as they played. The language they threw around
when they lost would make even a sailor blush. I got
bored of watching after a few hands, and joined the
game. I lost every single time, good thing we weren't
playing for money. After about my tenth loss, I
noticed my beer was empty. I announced my departure,
and made my way back to the media room to grab
another.

When I walked into the media room, I noticed Chris
sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. I
walked up cautiously behind him and put my hand on his
shoulder.

"Chris?"

"Hey lamb," He said brightly, turning to look at me.

"You okay?" I asked, walking around to the front of
the couch, and sitting down next to him.

"Well Jeffy, I'm not, really,"

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Yeah. You can listen to me, and not say anything
until I finish?" He asked, a solemn look in his
beautiful blue eyes.

"How could I ever say no to you?" I replied, placing
my hand on his knee. I knew that answer easily, there
was no way. I couldn't possibly look into those deep
blue eyes and say no.

"Okay," He said, taking a deep breath. "I've wanted to
say this for awhile now. I love you Jeff,"

"I love you too Chris, you know that,"

"Shh," He said softly, placing his finger on my lips.
"Let me finish," I nodded my agreement. "I love you
Jeff. There isn't a day I wake up and don't wish I was
laying next to you. I can hardly sleep at night from
wondering if you're okay. I know we've said before
nothing could ever happen. But I don't think I can
take it anymore if I'm not with you,"

I could hardly comprehend what had just happened. Here
was Chris, my ACTUAL first love, telling me he wanted
to be with me. How did I even feel about that? There
was so much emotion in my heart from that day. I
paused within myself to decipher the events of moments
ago. I loved Chris. He loved me. And now, he wanted to
be with me. That part was simple enough to understand.
But the hard part still remained, how did I feel about
that? I had bottled down the longings to be with Chris
long ago. But they were still there, weren't they? Of
course they were, this was Chris. My dream guy since
High School. The first man I'd ever fallen in love
with. What the hell was taking me so long?

"Chris," I started, before pausing to take a deep
breath. "I've waited so long to hear you say that,"

With the finish of my statement, I leant forward and
placed my lips softly onto his. This kiss was nothing
like the one we had shared earlier in the day. This
kiss was soft, loving, but yet so passionate. The way
Chris brought his hand to cup my chin made the
butterflies dance in my stomach. I hadn't been kissed
like this in so long. My heart was overflowing with
happiness. As we broke for air, there were tears in my
eyes.

"What's wrong?" Chris asked, taking my hand in his.

"Nothing's wrong. I've just been waiting for that for
a long time," I replied, kissing him quickly on the
lips once more.

He cupped my chin in his hand and leaned in and kissed
me softly once more. As we separated the kiss, he
pulled me into a hug. I had hugged Chris so many times
before, but this one was different. The feelings I got
as his hands caressed my back were feelings I hadn't
felt in a long time. And those were feelings of love.
I had come here with hopes of rekindling the love with
Matt. But instead of a love that wasn't really that at
all, I got a REAL love. I knew Chris genuinely loved
me. And I genuinely loved him. I knew that this was a
great thing for me. Chris was really what I needed in
my life.

"I love you lamb," Chris said softly, a vibrant look
in his sparkling blue eyes.

"I love you too Chris," I replied happily. "I need to
find you a nick name,"

He giggled lightly. "As long as it's not like my high
school nick name,"

"Hey, there was nothing wrong with being the virgin of
the group,"

"Easy for you to say, you were the fuck kitten,"

"Hey now, I like that nick name. I EARNED that nick
name. Just like you earned Virgin,"

"Bite me," He said in a mock huff.

"You are too cute," I laughed, leaning in and kissing
him softly.

"I know," He agreed. "Why don't we go upstairs and
I'll show you how cute I can be?" He spoke seductively
into my ear.

As much as I loved Chris, and as much as I'd wanted to
for so long, I knew I couldn't do it. I had so many
thoughts, and so many emotions running through me, my
sex brain had been temporarily disconnected. Sex was
my speciality, so I really didn't want my first time
with Chris to be anything short of phenomenal.

"Chris, I really want to. But, I don't think I'm up
for it tonight,"

"Jeffy, I was kidding. Do you actually think I'd ever
use such a lame ass line?" He laughed, punching me
playfully in the shoulder.

"Actually Chris, you would. I've been out clubbing
with you before," I laughed, reminding him of his
inability to score.

"You shut up," He whined, crossing his arms over his
chest.

"Aw, did I hurt your feelings?" I mocked, sticking out
my bottom lip.

"Yes,"

"Well what can I do to make you feel better?"

"Go upstairs and cuddle with me?"

"I'd love to,"

Chris leaned over and kissed me quickly on the lips
before hopping to his feet. He pulled me to mine, then
began to drag me in the direction of the stairs. We
walked up the stairs and began to survey the bedroom
situation. The room that Trish and I had declared our
own was obviously occupied, the door being locked and
all. We stood at the door for a second and put our
ears to it. The obvious sounds of the bed creaking
could be heard, but we couldn't make out any voices.
Just as we were about to walk away, we heard Trish
scream out "Oh Billy!" Chris and I began to giggle
like school girls as we walked away from the door. I
made a mental note to rag on her about that all
through tomorrow.

We walked down past a few more closed doors before
finding an empty one. We walked in, and Chris took a
running leap for the bed. I shook my head at him as I
walked over and sat next to him. I ran my fingers
through his silky blonde hair, staring deep into his
gorgeous blue eyes. I leaned down and softly kissed
his lips. Our lips connected softly several times,
before I felt Chris' mouth open slightly. I slipped my
tongue in slowly, and soon felt his tongue softly
caress mine. Our tongues writhed passionately against
each other, years of lost passion returning in one
simple kiss. As we broke for air, that unmistakable
grin was stretched across Chris' face.

"I love you," He spoke softly.

"I love you too," I replied, laying down on the bed.

"I snuggled my head onto Chris' chest and felt his arm
slip around me. I felt him sigh in contentment, and
reciprocated with a sigh of my own. The first night of
the reunion, and already things were looking great for
me. So I was going to have to put up with Matt and
Shannon all weekend, that didn't seem so hard now.
Anytime they started getting sexual, I could just
start with Chris, and not have to pay attention to
them. But that's hardly what I wanted Chris for. Fuck
Matt and his cheap imitation of me. I had Chris now,
the man who REALLY loved me. The man I loved long
before Matt. The man who made me feel like I mattered
in the world. The man I needed in my life. I never
expected things to turn out like this when I packed my
bag for this reunion. But now that they had, I
couldn't possibly be more thankful.

* * * I awoke the next morning and looked over in
horror as I saw blonde hair on the pillow next to
mine. Thoughts of the previous morning, and Trish
laying next to me swamped my mind. But as I pulled the
sheet down, I was met with the pleasant site of Chris'
muscular torso. I smiled at the peaceful look on his
face, and kissed him lightly on the forehead. He
murmured quietly in his sleep, and turned onto his
other side. I slipped quietly from bed, and made my
way from the room. I walked past the room where Trish
had been last night and noticed the door open a crack.
I pushed it open slowly, and noticed only Billy laying
there, completely naked. I now understood why Trish
was screaming "Oh Billy!" last night. 'God, that thing
is huge, and on such a little guy,' I thought to
myself. I shook my eyes from Billy's naked form and
continued my trip downstairs. As I walked into the
kitchen, I noticed MY girls (Trish, Stephanie, and
Stacy) sitting around the bar drinking coffee.

"Morning beautifuls," I said as I walked in and poured
myself a cup of coffee.

"Morning," Trish replied, followed by a yawn. "Sleep
well?"

"Yeah Jeffy, how did you sleep?" Stephanie asked with
a huge grin on her face.

It was obvious now that they all knew of Chris and me.
All that was left now was to admit my "guilt." But I
wasn't going to let them win that easily. Not without
busting Trish on her late night escapades first.

"Not as well as you Trishy, apparently," I replied,
smirking in her direction.

"Whatever do you mean?" She asked coyly.

"Don't play dumb with me. Chris and I passed your room
just in time to hear you scream 'Oh Billy!'."

"What?" Stacy and Stephanie in unison, focusing their
attention on Trish.

"We didn't do anything," Trish said plainly, trying
her best to lie.

"Right Trishy, neither did me and Rob," Stephanie
mocked. "Spill it bitch,"

"We didn't do anything!" Trish yelled in return.

"Sure you didn't Trishy. That's why Billy is upstairs,
in your room, buck naked, right?" I asked, tossing a
napkin in her direction.

"You're a terrible actress Trishy, might as well tell
us," Stacy spoke as she refilled her cup of coffee.

"Fine. We fucked! Okay? And it was really good!" She
yelled.

"See, don't you feel better?" Stacy asked

"I hate you all," Trish replied, pouring herself more
coffee.

"Your turn Jeffy, fess up," Stephanie ordered.

"There seriously is nothing to confess. Chris and I
didn't do anything but sleep," I replied truthfully.

"My lord," Trish said, walking over and looking me in
the eye. "I think he's telling the truth," This was
hilarious sometimes. I, like Trish, was a terrible
actor. I couldn't lie to these three if my life
depended on it. They always knew when I was telling
the truth. Hell, pretty much anyone could tell when I
was lying if they looked me in the eye, or so I'm
told. My dad had always said my eyes spoke my guilt.
I'd never really looked at myself in the mirror when I
lied, so I couldn't tell you if that was true or not.
But I did know for sure that I could never lie to
these three and get away with it.

"He is, look at his eyes," Stephanie said simply.
Guess my eyes are my telling point.

"You spent the entire night in bed with Chris and you
didn't do anything sexual?" Stacy asked in disbelief.

"Totally. We're in love you guys, we don't need sex,"

"Right, that love where you guys both know but don't
do anything about it," Stephanie said snippily.

Stephanie had never been the biggest fan of my
situation with Chris. She loved Chris like a brother,
but when it came to his loving me, she didn't like it.
She always said he was only leading me on. Or that he
was only telling me because he knew that's what I
needed to hear. I never listened to her of course.
Even though we'd never REALLY acted on it, I knew
Chris loved me. Like me, I guess, his eyes told his
soul. But it wasn't just his eyes. The feelings that
coursed between us could be nothing other than love.
Stephanie may not have been able to see it, but it was
there. Chris loved me, and I loved him.

"Oh no, we'll act on it this time," I replied. "Since
we're actually an item now,"

"What do you mean an item?" Stacy asked.

"We made it official last night. Me and Chris are
officially together,"

"About damn time," Trish said.

"What about Mark?" Stacy asked.

Oh my God. This was the first time that Mark had even
crossed my mind since I'd been here. It had completely
slipped my mind that there was this amazing guy back
in New York who was totally in love with me. I was
saddened at the thought of telling him. Mark was such
a great guy. He deserved so much better than me. He
deserved a guy to love him. And as much as it bothered
me sometimes, I wasn't that guy. But I still cared for
Mark. I really didn't want to hurt him. But there was
no way around it. I'd found what I was looking for
with Chris. It's just a shame that Mark had to be hurt
because of it.

"I don't know. I'll have to tell him I guess," I
replied.

"That's sad, I like Mark," Trish explained, sticking
out her bottom lip.

"You are not helping," I returned, frowning slightly
in her direction.

"Well, it's true. I..."

"You fucking slut!" We heard yelled from upstairs.

The four of us quickly ran upstairs and to the source
of the noise. The other members of the group had
wandered into the hall to see what the commotion was
about. Chris walked over to me, still clad in nothing
but his boxers, and put his arm around my shoulders.
We pushed past everyone and moved to the front, where
I saw Matt standing outside the door to Trish's room.
It was then that it occurred to me, the voice we had
heard had been Matt's. Chris took his arm from my
shoulder and walked up to Matt. I followed closely
behind and gave a glance in the bedroom, where I
noticed Shannon sitting on the bed next to a naked
Billy. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out
what the shout had been about.

"What's going on?" Chris asked.

"Those two fucking whores were just going at it," Matt
replied angrily, pointing into the bedroom where Billy
and Shannon sat on the bed.

"Matty, I'm sorry," Shannon pleaded, walking toward
the door wrapped in a sheet.

"Fuck you Shannon!" Matt yelled, pushing past him and
walking down the hall to one of the bedrooms.

He stomped into the room and slammed the door behind
him. Everyone in the group began to look at each other
for what to do next. As I glanced over at Trish, I saw
the hurt in her eyes. She walked up to the bedroom
door and stared in at Billy. He quickly hopped to his
feet and began to walk toward her.

"Trish, It's not what it looks like,"

"Go to hell," She said through her tears.

She walked off in the opposite direction that Matt had
and into the room where Chris and I had slept. She too
slammed the door behind her. Billy dropped to the
floor and began to sob, to the surprise of everyone
standing in the hall. No one really knew how to act
toward the two who'd just been caught cheating. No one
really paid attention to Shannon as he sat weeping on
the bed inside the bedroom. But Billy was our friend,
so Amy took the job of comforting him. I motioned to
Stephanie that I would take Trish, and for her to take
Matt. She nodded her head and walked in the direction
of the room where Matt was. I walked to Trish, and
tapped lightly on the door she was behind.

"Trishy, can I come in?" I asked quietly.

"No," She sobbed.

It wasn't often Trish cried, so it was hard to
diagnose if the no really meant no. But playing off my
instincts, I opened the door and walked in anyway.
Trish lay on the bed with her face buried in a pillow.
Her tears were silent, but the sobbing was visible
from the shaking of her body. I walked over and sat
down next to her. She didn't lift her head from the
pillow. I grabbed her hand in mine and squeezed
lightly. She responded with a squeeze of her own, but
still didn't raise her head. I began to run my fingers
slowly through her hair.

"Why you so upset Muffin? I didn't even know you liked
Billy,"

"No one did. It's one of those things I kept quiet,"
She replied, sniffling at the end of her sentence.

"What happened last night?"

"We got together. Like you and Chris together. And
then he turns out like every other man in my life,"

"What about me?"

"You know I don't consider you a man," She joked
stalely.

"Thanks," I laughed.

"God, why him too?" She asked, flipping onto her back.
"Why do men always shit on me?"

"It's our curse. Mine, your's, and Stacy's,"

"Men don't shit on Stacy,"

"I don't know, some of those women are kinda manly," I
joked, smirking at her.

"Think they would let me in the lesbian club?" She
asked, laughing stalely.

"You like dick too much honey. That's why we get along
so well," I replied, smiling down at her.

That got a hearty laugh out of her. Once her laughter
had ceased, she sat up on the bed and hugged me. We
stayed like that for minutes before she separated. She
looked over at me with sadness in her usual fiery
eyes. But as sad as she was, she still forced a smile.


"I love you Jeffy,"

"I love you too bitch,"

"That song is so true, you know?"

"What song?"

<i>"All, it would take all of my life. To find someone
more there for me,"</i> She sang softly. "You're
always there for me Jeffy, thank you,"

"I always will be. I promise," I said, squeezing her
hand again.

"Can I hide in here all day? I don't feel like facing
everyone,"

"Nah, gotta face em sometime. The fun won't come to
you,"

The words had no sooner left my mouth when Stephanie
walked in. She shut the door behind her and walked
over toward us. She crawled in bed next to Trish and
laid her head sympathetically on Trish's shoulder.
Trish patted her head softly with a "Good Dog", which
was met with a "Bite me" from Stephanie. I shook my
head at the two of them before Stephanie started
speaking.

"Jeffy, Matt wants to see you,"

"What?" I asked in total shock.

"He asked me to come in here and get you. He wants to
talk to you," She replied simply.

But simple however, that was not. Matt and I hadn't
spoken since the break up. Not at Thanksgiving,
Christmas, or any other family holiday we were forced
to be together on. Our dad encouraged us to get over
ourselves and become a family again. We didn't tell
him this of course, but we both pretty much knew that
was impossible. Kind of hard to look at someone the
same after they've hurt you more than words can ever
say. But I still loved Matt, sadly enough. But I knew
there was no way I could pretend what happened between
us never did. Matt and I both knew that we were
risking a lot to be together. But it was a risk we
were both willing to take at that point. I don't think
either one of us thought it would affect us so much
later on. Maybe the thing with Shannon had made Matt
realize how badly he'd hurt me? Or maybe he wanted to
blame me for what happened with Shannon and Billy? Or
maybe he wanted to ask me where I got my hair dye, I
really had no clue. The only way to find out was to
take the risk, and go talk to him. I flashed a
questioning look at the girls, then announced I'd be
right back.

When I walked out into the hall, everyone had
dispersed from earlier. I made the walk down the hall
to Matt's room, and tapped lightly on the door. I
heard a muffled "Come in" followed by a sniffle. I
walked in cautiously and shut the door behind me. I
walked over toward him and took a seat in a chair near
the bed. He sat up quickly and wiped his eyes. I was
glad he did that. Because, even after all we'd been
through, it was still hard for me to see Matt cry.

"Thanks for coming," He said, clearing his throat.

"I was only down the hall Matt. It's not like I
chartered a plane,"

"I know. But I mean, we don't really talk anymore. You
didn't have to come,"

"We don't talk. Which is why I want to know what you
wanted,"

Jeff, can you stop acting like a shithead for just a
few minutes? What I have to say is important,"

Sorry,"

I wasn't really sorry. Acting like a shithead with
Matt was something that just came natural. Sure, we
were lovers, but we were brothers before that. So
annoying each other was second nature, no matter how
long we went in between conversations. But a lot of
the way I had just acted didn't come from the
brotherly instincts, but from bitterness. Underneath
all of the pain I held toward Matt, there was anger.
He threw me out like a Spice Girls CD to have some
torrid little thing with a cheap K-Mart knock-off of
yours truly. There was no possible way I couldn't hold
a grudge for that. I hated Shannon, and Matt knew
that. And to be replaced by that, that was a grudge
that was following me to my grave.

"I really don't know how to say this," He started,
pausing to take a deep breath. "I'm sorry,"

"You're sorry?" I asked in total shock.

"Yes, for everything. I hurt you pretty bad, I know,"
'Yeah, I'll say.' I thought to myself. 'Hurt isn't the
word. Destroyed, that's the word.' Where the hell was
this coming from? Was I right when I guessed that
Shannon fucking him over made him realize how bad he
fucked me? Or did this still have the possibility to
turn totally ugly? Hell, this was Matt, anything could
turn ugly. He had the most unpredictable temper on any
man on Earth.

"Where is this coming from Matt? Why are you sorry
now?" I asked.

"I've been wanting to say it for a while Jeffy, I
really have. But the thing just now with Shannon made
me realize how stupid I was. I never should've left
you Jeffy," He replied, standing and walking toward
me. I stood up and looked him in the eye, in a
desperate attempt to see where he was coming from. But
alas, those deep brown eyes remained silent.

"Matt....."

Before I even had the chance to finish my sentence, I
felt Matt's lips hit mine. My body began to surge with
feelings long since tucked away. The passion that
still existed between the two of us was incredible.
Our lips mashed together in a sloppy, passionate fury.
My mind had been so over flowed with passion, I could
hardly think. But as I felt Matt's tongue begin to
press against my lips, thoughts of Chris were jammed
violently into my mind. I immediately pushed Matt
away.

"I can't do this," I said, wiping my mouth with my
hand.

"Why not?" He asked, confused.

"Because Matt, I'm with Chris now. And how do I know
that you're not doing this to get back at Shannon?"

"I would never use you to get back at him Jeffy, you
know that," He explained, sitting back down on the
bed.

"How do I know that Matty? I haven't talked to you in
a year. And when I did know you last, you weren't the
same person I once knew,"

"I love you Jeffy. I made some stupid mistakes. But I
want to make up for them,"

"I'm sorry Matty. But I'm with Chris now. I love
Chris,"

"Look me in the eye and tell me you love him more than
me," He said, walking over to me and putting his arms
on my shoulders. "You look me in the eye and tell me
you love him more than me, and I'll leave you alone,"

As I stood there staring into the dark brown eyes of
my big brother, I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell him
I loved Chris more than him, because I didn't honestly
know if it was true. Sure, before I'd seen Matt, or
more importantly, before I kissed Matt, I could tell
myself that I loved Chris more. But now, after the
feelings that emerged from one simple kiss, I wasn't
so sure. In defeat, I lowered my eyes from Matt's.

"You can't do it, can you?" He asked.

"No, Matt, I can't. I don't know who I love,"

"You love me Jeffy. You know you do," He said, leaning
in to kiss me again. I quickly turned my head away.

"Stop," I said firmly, pushing him away from me. "I
said I don't know, and I meant I don't know. I need
time," I said, opening the door and walking out of the
room.

I walked quietly down the hall and back to the room
where I had left Trish and Stephanie. They were
exactly how I had left them, sitting next to each
other on the bed. But I was happy to see that they
were laughing. I plopped down onto the bed and stared
at the ceiling. So much was racing through my mind, I
was hardly paying attention to what Trish and
Stephanie were saying to me. It was Stephanie's foot
in my ribs that got my attention.

"What happened in there?" She asked.

"He pissed in my cornflakes," I replied, trying to
make light of a situation that was driving me crazy
inside my head.

"What?" Trish laughed.

"He wants me back,"

"Oh God," Stephanie gasped. "Does he know about
Chris?"

"Yes, he sure didn't seem to care however," I replied.


"What are you gonna do?" Stephanie asked again.

"I don't know,"

"What do you mean you don't know?" Trish asked, a hint
of anger in her voice.

I was waiting for that reaction. Trish had been there
the entire time I struggled to get over Matt. She and
Chris rebuilt me, basically. So every time I even
thought about getting back with Matt, or even
mentioned his name in a non-brotherly way, she would
explode. She claimed she still liked Matt, but not in
relation to me. I didn't buy it personally. She held a
grudge against him for what he did to me. She may be
smiling in his face, but in her head she's thinking
"Stay away from Jeff." Trish was very much my
emotional bodyguard. And whenever I put myself in
harm's way, she was right there to talk me out of it.
I knew I'd get no Pro-Matt help from her.

"I don't know. I don't know what to do," I replied
quietly.

"How could you put yourself in that position again? Do
you remember what he did to you last time?"

"Of course I remember what he did to me last time," I
almost yelled, sitting up on the bed.

"Easy guys," Stephanie said, putting her hand on my
shoulder.

"Jeffy, he crushed you. And he got off on it.
Seriously, how could you put yourself in that position
again?" Trish asked, intensity wild in her eyes.

"I didn't even say I was going to Trish. But you know
what he means to me. This is really hard for me, I'd
expect you to help me out a little here. You're my
best friend,"

"I am your best friend. That's why I'm telling you to
forget about Matt," She said, grabbing my hand in
hers. "Chris loves you Jeffy, genuinely,"

"He does," Stephanie piped in. "Any moron can see
that, even you," She joked.

"Guys, I love Chris. I do, I really do. But I love
Matt too. And I owe it to myself to make sure I'm
going to be with the one I love more,"

"Just think about what I said?" Trish pleaded as I
stood up from the bed.

"I will. I just need some time to clear my head. If
anyone asks, tell them I'm on the roof,"

I walked out of the room no more sure of this decision
as I had been when I entered. My mind was running
rampant with possibilities. Trish was right in what
she said. Matt had crushed me, and got off on it. But
he seemed so different now. Like the old Matt, MY
Matt. But then there was Chris. Beautiful, wonderful,
absolutely perfect Chris. He'd never done anything to
hurt me, ever, in the 10 years or more I'd known him.
He treated me like a king. He was so gentle, and
loving. But perhaps that's why I still wanted Matt.
Maybe I liked the bad guys? Maybe I wanted the
possibility of hurt to be there? Maybe I wanted the
taboo of dating my big brother? Maybe I just wanted
the really good sex, like so much else in my life, I
had no fucking clue. All I knew was that I needed to
be alone. So I walked to the attic, and climbed out a
window onto the roof. I sighed as I lay back on the
roof, staring out into the bright California sky.

I hated big decisions. I sometimes wished I'd never
grown up, so I wouldn't have to make any. I could
barely decide what laundry soap to buy, and here I was
faced with a decision that could impact the rest of my
life. I wish there was a real scale that I could weigh
the sides on. "Matt, Chris, I can't decide, please
step onto the scale," If only things were that easy.
If they were, I'd be done with this pain and inside
making sweet love to whichever one I chose. But
instead, I got to sit on a roof in the California sun,
giving myself a headache over which to choose. And
even as I sat here in total quiet, just me and my
thoughts, I still couldn't choose. 'Maybe I shouldn't
pick either one, and go back to NY and live a drug
filled life with Lance? Ha, that's a good one.' I
could have made that decision easily. But then again,
I never could choose between Lance and Mark, so I had
both. Nothing like having your cake and eating it too.
But that was hardly an option in this situation. Love
was involved in this one, not cheap, sweaty sex.

I was left undisturbed for most of the day. Stacy came
out to check on me a couple times, bring me something
to drink, but that was it. I snuck back inside a few
times to piss, but then went right back to the roof.
Tell you one thing, I was gonna have one hell of a
suntan when this day was through. A suntan, and still
no clue on what to do. At this rate, I was going to be
out here until we left for home tomorrow. I'd spend
all week out here, as long as I was sure I made the
right decision when I went in. But I was no closer to
the right decision now as I had been at ten this
morning. As the sun began to set, I stretched out, and
lay back on the roof. As I took the last drink of the
beer Stacy had brought me, Billy walked out onto the
roof. I was surprised he'd been brave enough to do so.
He knew how close Trish and I were, and he'd fucked
her over pretty well today. But in all honesty, I
wasn't that upset. I had enough of my own problems to
deal with. Trish was a survivor, I knew she could
handle it. I glanced over at Billy briefly, then
turned my eyes back to the sunset.

"If you want me to fuck off, I'll understand," He
said, still standing close to the window.

"You're fine," I replied, not taking my gaze from the
sunset.

"Listen, about earlier, with Trish," He said, taking a
seat next to me.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me Billy. You
were just getting some action. I probably would've
done the same thing, but not with Shannon," I replied,
still gazing at the sunset.

"I wasn't though. Shannon was on me, I swear it,"

"I wouldn't put it past the cock hungry little whore,"


"But Trish won't let me anywhere near her to even try
to tell her what happened. Smoke?" He asked, lighting
a cigarette.

"Yeah, gimme one of those," I replied.

Billy handed me the lit cigarette, and proceeded to
light one for himself. We stayed silent for a few
minutes as the remaining speck of sunlight
disappeared. Almost eight hours on this roof, and
still no decision. I guess I wasn't surprised. I hoped
the decision would be easy, but I never expected it to
be. My heart was torn in half. Even in total silence,
I couldn't think straight. One second I could say I
was leaning toward Chris, but the next second I'd say
Matt. I was starting to think I'd never reach a
decision. I was just going to spend the rest of my
life on this roof trying to decide which guy I loved
more. I was whining so much in my head, I was starting
to annoy myself. I knew he'd had about as many
relationships as most first graders, but I decided to
ask Billy for his advice.

"You're bi Bill, right?"

"Aren't we all?" He laughed.

"I think so. Anyway, who would you pick between Chris
and Matt?"

"For sex, or like a relationship?"

"Relationship,"

"That's easy,"

I could have slapped him for saying that. He had no
idea how NOT easy this was. "What do you mean it's
easy?"

"It's simple Jeffy. Look at history. Matt is an evil
man when it comes to relationships. He was with Amy,
he definitely was with you, and he was with Shannon to
an extent,"

Call it selective memory, or too many drugs, but I had
forgotten all about Amy and Matt together. Now that
the memories came rushing back to me, I got a strange
sense of deja vu. Everything that had happened with he
and Amy, had eventually happened with me and him.
Almost to a tee. Everything started out perfect.
Sweet, loving Matthew Hardy, Amy helplessly in love.
Then Matt gets tired of his toy, and replaces her.
With me. Amy meanwhile is totally crushed, while Matt
is reveling in his victory with his new love. Until of
course he tires of me. Then it's Same Script Different
Cast, me playing the role of Amy. But of course, there
are a few re-writes in this script, which have me
being even more hurt than Amy. Must've been sweeps. I
couldn't believe I had forgotten about all of that.
Billy was right. This was easy.

"Thanks Billy. You do not know how much you just
helped me," I said as I walked back toward the window.


"Jeff, wait," He called as I stepped back in the
window. I stopped and sat on the sill. "What should I
do about Trish?"

"Do you love her?"

"Yeah, I think I do,"

"Can't think Kidman, you gotta know for sure before I
help you out. That's my best friend you're talking
about,"

"I do, I do love her,"

"All right. I'll take care of her, you just wait out
here," I said, stepping back inside.

"FK," He called after me again. I turned back to look
at him. "Thanks,"

"You better take care of her. Or you'll be answering
to me. And more importantly, Stacy," I laughed as I
walked toward the door.

I bounded down the stairs happily and made my way into
the media room. I laughed as I noticed Stephanie and
Rob making out furiously as Trish and Stacy threw
things at them. I walked up behind Trish and Stacy
quietly, then tossed my arms around their necks. They
shrieked, which got a slight reaction from Rob and
Stephanie before they resumed their make-out session.
I walked around to the front of the couch, and sat in
between Trish and Stacy. I leaned over and kissed each
one on the cheek.

"Aren't we the happy one? What happened out there?"
Stacy asked

"Reached my decision," I replied happily.

"Tell me it's Chris. PLEASE tell me it's Chris," Trish
begged.

"It's Chris," I replied.

"Yes!" Trish exclaimed, reaching over and hugging me.

"One little thing first," I explained, breaking free
from her arms.

"What?" She asked.

"You have to go talk to Billy,"

"No fucking way," She said, instantly somber.

"Yes. He's really upset, Trishy. He said he loved
you,"

I watched with amusement as her eyes lit up. She
glanced over at Stacy and me questioningly, then over
at Rob and Stephanie.

"Well, I don't think they'll be much help," She said,
shaking her head.

"Go talk to him woman," Stacy ordered, pointing at the
stairs.

"I'm going," She said, standing up and leaving the
room.

Stacy and I laughed as she made her way up the stairs.
Once Trish was at the top of the stairs, she turned
and flipped us both off before opening the door that
led to the attic. Stacy resumed her game of "Toss
stuff at the straight people" while I looked on. I
wasn't really paying attention to them. I zoned out
into my own little world. I was rehearsing in my mind
just how I planned to tell Matt. 'You're an evil SOB
Matt. Not a chance.' That one would probably get me my
ass kicked. And he wasn't a SOB. Our mom was a great
woman. The only easy way to tell him was to tell him
the truth. 'I'm sorry Matt. But I love Chris more,'
Yeah, that was the way. I announced my departure to
Stacy, then made my way upstairs to find Matt.

When I looked in the room where Matt had been earlier,
I was surprised to see Chris sitting there with his
head in his hands. This was an obvious sign that
something was on his mind. I walked in quietly and put
my hand on his shoulder. He jumped slightly then
jerked his head up to look at me. It was like a shot
to the heart as I saw the teardrops on his face. I
immediately dropped to my knees and began stroking his
cheek.

"Chris, what's wrong?"

"Jeff," He said, trying to choke back his tears. "Matt
talked to me,"

"Well whatever he...." I started before Chris cut me
off.

"No, listen to me," He said, taking a deep breath.

"I'm gonna step aside. I know how much you love Matt.
I just want you to be happy Jeffy,"

If I had still been undecided at that point, that
would've made the decision for me. And it wouldn't
have been for Matt. Never in my life had a guy cared
enough to do something like that. Chris was willing to
sacrifice his own happiness just to see me happy. That
one statement made me love him even more. I looked up
into his saddened blue eyes and wiped away a tear with
my finger. I leaned up slightly and planted a kiss
softly on his lips.

"Chris. I'm not going back to Matt. I love you," spoke
softly, staring deep into his eyes.

"Really?" He asked

"Really," I replied.

"Oh Jeffy!" He exclaimed, pulling me to my feet.

He brought his lips passionately to mine. The feelings
that occurred from the kiss with Matt paled in
comparison to the feelings now coursing through my
body. Almost instinctively I began to slide my hands
up Chris' shirt. I felt him shudder under my touch.
Taking the next step, I pushed him gently onto the
bed. I straddled him and allowed my kisses to drift
slowly to his neck. I began to nip lightly at his
neck, coaxing soft moans from Chris. I felt his hands
begin to undo the buttons on my shirt. I stopped the
kisses only momentarily to remove my shirt. I tossed
it to the floor and quickly resumed my kisses. Chris
pulled me tightly to him, and flipped me over on the
bed. Our lips connected sensuously for only brief
seconds before I felt them on my neck. I began to run
my fingers through his silky blonde hair. I felt his
kisses begin to drift lower, down to my chest. He
paused as he reached my nipples, and sat up on the
bed.

"You are so beautiful Jeff,"

"And you haven't even seen the best part," I said
coyly.

"Oh, but I will," He said

He brought his hand slowly to my crotch, and one
handed, undid the button on my jeans. He unzipped them
and slowly pulled them down, leaving me in nothing but
my boxers. He straddled me this time, and began to
suck softly at my neck. I began to slide my hands up
his shirt, slowly to feel each ripple of his abs. He
brought his lips from my neck, and shucked his shirt
to the floor. Our bare chests connected, sending
chills throughout my body. Chris giggled slightly
before plunging his tongue into my mouth. As our
tongues dueled, I felt his hand slip past the waist of
my boxers, and grasp my already throbbing cock. I
gasped over his mouth as his hand wrapped around my
swollen inches. He began jerking it lightly as our
tongues continued to wrestle.

I whimpered lightly as his lips left mine. But I would
soon be moaning, as only seconds later I would feel
his tongue on my nipples. As he tongue bathed my
nipples, he began to slide my boxers down slowly. His
hand once again found my swollen member, and he began
to stroke it in quick jerks. I moaned out quietly, in
case there were people outside, like he and I had done
to Trish and Billy the previous night. His tongue soon
trekked lower, down my abs, until I felt his breath on
my crotch. I was trembling with anticipation. He
looked up at me with a sensuous look in his sparkling
blue eyes, then devoured my cock whole. I couldn't
control myself, and moaned out loudly. The skill of
his mouth thrust me hard into ecstacy. I buried my
fingers deep in the sheets, clenching them together
each time he hit that special spot. He looked up at
me, and through my hazed eyes, I saw him smile. He
began to massage my balls lightly, causing me to
thrust up into his mouth. As his hand began to press
softly against my anus, the thought hit me. As good as
this was, I wanted more.

"Chris," I breathed, running my fingers through his
hair.

"Huh?" He asked, lifting his head from my cock.

"Make love to me,"

That unmistakable smirk was instantly stretched across
his face. He brought his hands to his jeans, and
seductively began to undo the button fly. Once that
was done, he slid them slowly to the floor, then stood
before me in nothing but a pair of red silk boxers. He
smiled that sexy smile at me once more as he tucked
his fingers under the waist of his boxers. In one
quick motioned, he pulled them down and to the floor.
I gasped at the beauty of his 7" cock. He jerked it
slowly a couple times, coaxing a lazy bubble of pre
cum from the tip. He reached into the night stand and
pulled out a tube of lube. Lucky for us this was
Matt's room, and not Stacy's. Probably would've killed
the mood to have to get dressed and find lube.

He squirted some onto his fingers and brought them to
my anus. He slid one in slowly, and massaged it around
slowly, causing me to moan out. After a few minutes of
one finger, he slowly slid in the other one. I was
once again in ecstacy from the feelings Chris was
bringing me. I soon felt a third finger slide in. Once
I was relaxed enough, his fingers slipped from my
hole. He lifted my legs onto his shoulders, and placed
himself at my opening. I felt like screaming as his
massive cock head pressed slowly into me. But the pain
soon went away as he slid inch after inch into me.
Once he was all the way in, he brought his lips softly
to mine. We kissed softly for minutes before his
gentle thrusting began. I felt his hand drift down my
body and grasp once more around my cock. He began to
jerk quickly, until he got insync with his fucking. My
body was over-run with pleasure. Each time Chris
thrust in, his cock would tap against my prostate,
causing me to moan out loudly with each thrust. Our
kissing became a passionate fury as our love making
continued. I could feel myself getting closer with
each thrust. Chris began to grunt softly as his
thrusting speed increased. I soon reached orgasm, my
cum spilling over Chris' hand, and my ass clenching
tightly around his cock. That thrust him into orgasm,
and as the first shot of his seed entered me, he
looked deeply into my eyes and said "I love you." He
deposited 9 more shots into me before he slowly pulled
himself from my ass. He quickly lapped up my cum,
before laying back on the bed. He pulled me on top of
him, and I lay my head on his chest.

"I love you Jeff Hardy," He said, softly stroking my
rainbow colored hair.

"I love you Chris Jericho," I replied.

We lay like that for hours. Neither one of us
sleeping, but just enjoying the fact, we were
together. I truly realized now that I really did love
Chris more. Sex with Matt had never been that way.
Never so loving, so passionate, so intense. I loved
Chris so much. As I lay here in his arms, I couldn't
believe I had thought about leaving him. No matter how
much he could've tried, Matt could have never compared
to this. This, was real. Sitting there in the silence,
the song popped back into my head. <i>"I'd never have
known, the way it feels to love. Without the love you
showered down upon me. Warm as the sun. Melting away
the rain. Giving me the strength to face another
morning. So many times I felt afraid and turned to you
to find my way. I reach inside and find you there. You
are with me everywhere. All, it would take all of my
life to find someone more there for me, there for me.
And I'm never alone, cause in my heart I know. You're
always there for me, There for me."</i>

* * *

Chris and I never moved from that bed for the rest of
the night. The next morning, as he slept peacefully, I
slipped from bed and made my way downstairs. I gave a
glance into the kitchen, and noticed it was empty. So
I made my way into the media room, where I found whom
I was looking for, Matt. I walked over quietly and
nudged him in the arm. He awoke, and rubbed at his
eyes. I sat down in the chair across from him.

"Matt, we need to talk,"

"No need Jeffy. I already know about you and Chris.
Shit, the whole house knows. You're quite the moaner
baby brother,"

I felt my cheeks become instantly red. I tried to keep
quiet. But I failed. But if any of them were having
sex with Chris, they'd totally understand the need to
moan.

"You're not mad?" I asked once the redness in my
cheeks subsided.

"Na. Chris deserves you Jeffy. I sure as hell don't,
that's for sure. I deserved what Shannon did to me and
more. I'm just not a good person with relationships,"

"We had good times Matty. It just turned bad. But I
block those memories out. I want to remember you as
the good Matt."

"We did have some good times didn't we?"

"Yeah, we did. And we can have more. I've missed you
big brother,"

"I've missed you too,: And with that, we shared our
first hug in over a year. It may sound stupid to say,
but I feel that hug re-connected us as brothers. There
was a lot of damage between us, no denying that. But
with time, I'm sure we could work it out. We were
brothers after all. After we separated, Matt left to
take a shower. So I laid down on the couch and thought
about everything that had happened this weekend.
Namely, the Matt-Chris situation. I'm sure Matt would
always have a piece of my heart. But the majority of
it now belonged to Chris. But unlike Matt, I had given
it to Chris voluntarily. And I hoped deep in my heart,
that it would always stay that way. It had taken me so
long to get Chris. And now that I had him, I wasn't
going to let go until he pried me off with a crowbar.

The 14 of us, Shannon included, spent the entire rest
of the day together. We bullshitted around, played
card games, whatever. Just soaking up as much of each
other as possible, knowing that it would probably be
an entire year before we saw each other again. The
last days of these reunions were always the best.
Whatever problems had occurred the past two days were
forgotten for this one day. Everyone got along (Yes,
even me and Shannon), and everyone had fun. Sober fun,
which is kind of an odd occurrence for this group.

The night ended after a nice dinner prepared by the
great folks at Pizza Hut. Once dinner was finished, we
all gathered up our things and prepared to leave,
depending on the time of our flight. Trish, Stephanie
and I had booked red eye flights back to the East
Coast, leaving at 12:00 midnight. Chris called during
the day, and changed his ticket from Canada to New
York, with me. The four of us got a good hour alone
before our taxi arrived. Once it did, Chris and I
loaded up the bags, and waited for the girls the join
us. As Stephanie was locking the door behind us, she
uttered a phrase that made all of us smile.

"Well house, see you next year,".........

THE END?