Date: Sun, 12 Feb 2017 18:30:54 +0000
From: Jesse Gibson <revjpgibson@hotmail.com>
Subject: Dionysius chapter 5

				 DIONYSIUS
				    By
		   Rev Jesse Penfield Gibson, MDiv, DMin


DISCLAIMER: This story contains depiction of both homosexual and
heterosexual acts between college students primarily, as well as drug and
alcohol use. If you offended, please do not read.  Otherwise, enjoy.

Complaints, compliments, comments to revjpgibson@hotmail.com


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				   FIVE

	Dylan was heading back from FYS in Pound Hall, cutting across the
quad heading for his dorm when Alex caught up with him.  He playfully
shoved him and then fell in line beside him.

	"You need a beer."  Alex said.

	"I don't drink." Dylan reminded him.

	"Okay, a cup of coffee, then.  We'll go get overcharged at
Starbucks," Alex said, smiling and tugging at his arm.  "A beer would be
better, though. One beer won't kill you."

	"Okay, sure.  But we're both underage."

	"Not a problem. Come on, we'll get my car."

	Alex took him to Harry's and they were the only customer's there in
the mid afternoon.  He ordered some onion rings, to introduce Dylan to bar
food he said, and a couple of Bud's.  When they arrived, Dylan took a sip
and wasn't sure that he really liked it, at least not for taste, but he
supposed that people sucked them back for other reasons.

	"You know, you have people worried," Alex said

	Dylan jerked his head back in disbelief. Setting the beer bottle
down, he asked, "Why?"

	"Because you're depressed.  Because it seems like you're dealing
with the stress of things very well."

	"Well, that's news to me.  I didn't know I was depressed." Dylan
said, picking up the beer and taking another swallow.  It tasted marginally
better.

	"Yeah, well you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders.
It seems like maybe the pressure is building up and you don't know what to
do about it.  If you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen.  If you
don't want to talk about it, I'm going to get you drunk and then you will
talk. But the truth is I've never seen you smile or laugh or even act
relaxed.  That seems depressed to me."

	Dylan looked away and thought for a second.  "I don't think it
would mean anything to you.  It's just a crisis of faith, I guess."

	Alex just looked at him and said nothing.  Just to fill the
silence, Dylan began talking.  He told about his growing doubts, how things
he took for granted seem to be uncertain, how irrelevant the advice to give
up and let God was.  Alex let him talk, which took a while.  It took long
enough for him to order a second round.  Dylan had to admit that with
repeated dosing, the beer grew more palatable.  He even developed a
buzz. Finally, he said all he wanted to say but carefully didn't mention
the issues he was having with his sexual orientation.  He wasn't ready to
go there.

	"So this is all philosophical and intellectual?" Alex asked.

	"Well, yeah," Dylan answered, leaning back in the booth and
crossing his arms across his chest.  "You make it sound trivial."

	"Well, I don't buy that's all there is because there is a solution
to those kinds of problems." Alex said, leaning forward, resting his elbows
on the table.  "Look, college is all about confronting big issues.  It's
about having late night bull sessions about the meaning of life, usually
drunken or stoned but still.  It's about exploring life on your own but
with a little bit of safety net.  Your problem is that you came here with
all the answers all ready, all of life's issues neatly tied up, but with
absolutely no sense of what the real questions were.  What you're going
through is a necessary part of it, getting rid of the default settings so
you can reprogram yourself in a way that makes sense to you.  Honestly, you
didn't think it was going to be easy, did you?"

	"No, I guess not, it's just that ..." Dylan said, trailing off into
silence.

	"Look, everybody is else is just trying to find their way too.
Everybody is in kind of the same boat.  It's not as easy as you thought it
was going to be.  The thing to do is make some friends, have some fun,
explore new things.  Drink a beer, smoke a joint.  Or not.  But live your
life.  Okay, so there's a party Friday night, I'm almost 100% certain that
Cass is going.  Invite yourself along. Have a good time."

	"I don't know" Dylan hedged.

	"One party."

	"Are you going?"

	"Yeah.  You can go with me.  It'll be a date." Alex grinned but saw
the hesitation in Dylan's face.  "I was just kidding about the date part,
dude."

	Cass didn't seem all that excited that he was going when Dylan told
him.  But that actually spurred him on more, feeling that he had as much
right as anyone to go to a party if he wanted.  On Friday, he fretted over
what to wear, wanting to look casual but not scrungy.  He selected several
outfits and then reselected and pondered some more.  Cass, on the other
hand, just wore whatever was the least dirty.  But then again, he looked
good in whatever he wore.  Then Alex sent him a text and asked him to ride
with Cass and he would meet him there.  It took some sorting out who was
riding with whom since half the floor was going but Dylan ended up with
Cass anyway, along with Dave and Mark.  The party was on Orange Street in
back of the Law School, about a mile and half from the main campus.  It is
a brick lined street fronted by a line of old houses, many of them from
before the Civil War.  But most of them were rented by students, mostly law
students Dylan supposed.  He had no idea who was actually giving the party
and neither did any of the others.  By the time they got there, a little
before 9, there was all ready a crowd growing.  Techno music was
blaring. Groups of people were standing around with plastic cups, laughing
and talking.

	They made their way up to the front porch and saw Alex standing
with a bottle of water talking to a tall black guy.  Grinning broadly, he
motioned them over.  "Simon, you know Cass and Dave.  This is Dylan, Cass's
roommate."

	"What up?" Simon said to them generally.

	Dylan was struck by how good looking he was.  He had milk chocolate
skin and a broad nose but was stunningly handsome.  "Not much" Dylan
muttered.

	"What are you on?"  Dave said to Alex, staring at his face.

	"Looks like E" Cass commented, pointing to his eyes.  Dylan noticed
then that his pupils were unusually large.

	"Guess again" Alex said, giggling a little.

	"The fucked fairy jumped up and bit him" Simon said as Cass
shrugged.

	"2CB" Alex said.

	It meant nothing to Dylan but it did to Dave.  He said in a tone of
incredulity, "Seriously? Got any more?"

	"Indeed I do" Alex replied.  "Dylan, go get a beer.  Mix and
mingle.  I'll find you in a minute."

	Dylan was confused.  He didn't know what 2CB was but he figured it
must be illegal and serious.  Cass pulled him along and made a beeline for
the keg set up in the kitchen.  Pouring himself a beer, he looked at Dylan
and asked, "You drinking?"

	"Yeah, I guess so," Dylan said with a shy drop of his head.  "It's
a party right?"

	"It is that.  It's definitely time to party after a long week"

	"So what is 2CB anyway?" Dylan asked.

	Cass handed him the beer.  "What I understand is that it's like a
cross between Ecstasy and acid."

	"Oh, wow" Dylan said as he took a sip of beer.

	Over the next few minutes, he and Cass got separated and he
wandered around, seeing some people he knew slightly from class or from his
floor.  It wasn't really possible to have a conversation over the music.
Eventually, he made his way back outside.  Alex and Dave were still there
on the porch with Alex talking in an animated fashion.  Dave looked
restless, looking around somewhat aimlessly and then fixating on nothing in
particular.

	As he got close to where they were on the corner of the porch, Alex
spun around and said, laughing, "Get another beer and get back here.  And
don't take a fucking year to do it, okay?"

	Stunned, he went back and got another one before heading back.
Dave was really looking restless and tense.  "Are you okay, Dave?" Dylan
asked.

	"I'm great.  I just need to move" Dave stuttered.

	"We're walking" Alex giggled.

	They pushed through the crowd and made it back to the street.  Alex
led them down the street along the back side of the Law School.  With the
movement, Dave seemed to loosen up.  It seemed like both he and Alex had
burst free and were almost giddy, like children.  Suddenly, Alex stopped.
"Oh, shit.  Dump the beer," he said urgently.  Dylan looked confused.  "If
they see you with a cup, they pop you for open container and minor in
possession of alcohol."

	Dylan poured it out, wondering why Alex had sent him for it in the
first place.  But the moment to ask had passed because both boys resumed
their walking, happily moving along.  Dave noted that his depth perception
was gone and Alex thought that was hilarious.  They turned down Bond Street
and Alex told him about the movie Wise Blood, which Dylan had never heard
of, and how parts of it were filmed on this street.  They talked about it
for a few minutes as they walked, with Alex telling him how he needed to
read Flannery O'Connor because he would really like her.  Dylan mentioned
that he had read a short story, A Good Man is Hard to Find, but Alex kept
recommending other things she had written.  They got to the end of the
street, which curved ninety degrees back and ran along the side of a hill
overlooking the city below.  In the night, all the lights blazed.

	"Best place in town to trip" Alex said as he walked part way down
the hill, settling in on the back of a marble monument.

	All three of them settled in with him.  Both he and Dave stared off
into the distance, soaking in the colors of the lights, apparently
hallucinating.  They sat there for a long time, both them restlessly moving
their legs and hands but not really getting up or doing anything except
looking.  Dylan could hear the music in the distance and was wondering what
he was doing here anyway.  Alex turned to look at him and had an expression
on his face of sympathy.  He fished into his pockets and pulled out a brass
stem and a little baggy, which he opened and put some marijuana into the
end of the pipe.  Then he handed it Dylan with a lighter.

	"I don't smoke pot" Dylan said.  Alex continued to hold it out
toward him and kept with the sympathetic look on his face. Dylan guessed
that he knew that he wasn't having that good of a time and wanted to do
something to make it better in his own way.  So, reluctantly, Dylan took
the pipe and lit it up.  As soon as the acrid smoke hit his lungs he began
coughing violently.  It seemed like he was going to cough up his lung
entirely.

	"Ah, virgin lungs," Dave said placidly.

	Alex loaded another hit and handed it to him.  Dylan put his hands
up to say no.  "That's okay, I'm good."

	"There is a universe of possibilities.  A million choices to make.
But we fall into these habits where we make the same choice over and over
again.  You have to step outside of yourself and look at the universe and
you're place in it.  Consciously make another choice," Alex said in a
dreamy tone, staring out into space.  "Smoke the dope, Dylan.  Break a
rule, experience something new"

	The second puff went down marginally better.  At least he coughed
less.  But the sensation hit him almost immediately.  He felt giddy and
dizzy but profoundly relaxed.  He had to laugh at how good he felt.  That
caused them to laugh too.  Dylan's thoughts were racing, as he considered
so many things, the chief among them as to why he had never even tried this
before.

	Before long though, it was time to head back.  He admired the white
column mansion that stood at the apex of the hill, looking down over the
city.  They joked and laughed and were generally euphoric as they walked
back up the street.  The crowd at the party had grown and was spilling out
onto the street. It was hard to even get up to the house.  The music was
really loud and people, drunk, were yelling and screaming, having a good
time.  Dylan was pretty thirsty but he didn't want beer.  What he would
have liked was fruit juice.  In the kitchen, there were bottles of liquor
and mixers.  Spying some cranberry juice, he took a cup of that and chugged
it down quickly.  The tartness of it tasted very good so he got another cup
to sip on leisurely.

	He was a little more paranoid, a lot more actually, surrounded by
people than he had before and he was trying to get out of the house and
away when he ran into Cass, who was obviously drunk.  Cass looked at him
strangely, "Are you stoned?"

	"Yeah, kinda"

	Cass snorted, "Shit.  You're gonna end up not being a bad roommate
after all"

	"Thanks, I guess"

	"I'm gonna get another drink," Cass slurred.

	"Don't you think you've had enough?"

	"I can still stand up" Cass answered although he was swaying a bit.

	"I think you have had enough" Dylan said

	"Just one more, please, Daddy?" Cass said, laughing.  He broke away
and staggered into the kitchen for more.

	Dylan followed him, concerned.  Alex came up behind him and asked
him what was going on.  "Cass Is really drunk and he's going for more"

	"Good for him" Alex said.  "Come outside. That's where the real
party is."

	Distracted by Alex, he lost focus and headed off that way.  "How
are you doing?" he asked Alex.

	"I am doing great, incredible.  It's mind blowing."

	He stood out on the porch looking around aimlessly.  The buzz from
the pot was beginning to wear off and he was stuck in a decision point,
whether to try to do more and get wasted, really wasted for the first time
in his life, or not.  Just then, the whole yard erupted in flashing blue
lights.  There were lights from cop cars in front of the house on Orange
Street and in back from College Street.  Cops came walking up with
flashlights blazing, yelling at people to go home.

	"Well, it's not a party if the cops aren't called," Alex laughed.
"Go find Cass and get him back here. We'll have to get him back."

	Dylan dove back into the house as the cops were screaming,
demanding people leave and wanting to see the homeowner out front
instantly.  Cass was in the kitchen and was barely able to stand.  "What
the fuck?" he slurred, his head bobbing.

	"Come on," Dylan said, grabbing his arm. "Try to act sober.  The
cops are here."

	"Fucking assholes" Cass yelled.  "Fucking, Goddamn, piece of shit
assholes.  Why don't they mind their own fucking business?"

	"Shut up and come on" Dylan insisted.

	He led Cass stumbling out to the porch.  A cop, enraged, pushed by
him, demanding to see the homeowner.  Another came bursting in, demanding
that the music be shut down.  Dylan led him onto the porch where Alex and
Dave met them.  Alex jerked his head toward the street and Dylan led Cass
down the stairs, which he stumbled on.  That caught the attention of a cop.
He hurried over and shined a light in his eye.  "How much have you had to
drink, son" the cop demanded.  The tone wasn't friendly.

	"A bunch.  Too much" Alex said.

	"2 beers" Cass slurred

	"Shut up.  We're trying to get him home.  If you guys hadn't come,
he would have kept going until he passed out.  Pretty close to it anyway."

	"Let's see some ID.  How old are you?"

	"I'm 19, these three are 18" Alex said.  Dylan was amazed that his
speech and demeanor seemed sober.  "But he's the only one that's been
drinking, sir.  And he's a lightweight, doesn't drink much.  His girlfriend
dumped him, you know, she was banging his roommate, so ...Can we please
just take him home, sir?"

	Cop stared at Cass, deciding.  "Get him the hell out of here.
Don't let me catch him around here again, understand?"

	"You won't sir, thank you."

	"Clear out"

	They drug him across the street to the back lot of the law school,
past multiple police cars.  Apparently, this one party was going to tax the
law enforcement capacity of the Macon Police so many cops were sent.  They
got to Alex's jeep.

	"Hope you can drive a stick" Alex said to Dylan.  "You're the most
sober one of the bunch.  I'm hallucinating like a son of a bitch."

	"Me too" Dave added, giggling some.

	They dumped Cass in the front seat and Dave and Alex jumped in the
back.  Dylan tried to drive as carefully as he could, out onto Orange
Street then left on Bond.  Dylan looked at the line of cop cars that were
on College Street and decidedly didn't want to go that way.  Alex must have
agreed because it looked like they were stopping people trying to leave the
party for DUI, so he told him to take a right and go back on the
interstate.  So they went down the hill to Riverside and onto the
Interstate.  Cass was yelling at nobody in particular as they sped from I
16 onto I75, drunkenly challenging the world.  They made to the university
exit and were stopped at the stop sign when Cass leaned over and puked.
Dylan let him get most of it out before he hit the gas and sped toward
campus.  A few minutes later, they pulled into the parking lot across from
Truett and parked there.  Dave grabbed one of Cass's arms and Alex the
other.  Dylan used his BearCard to get in.  They practically had to drag
him up the stairs because his feet were not really providing any
locomotion.  But he had at least stopped yelling.  Once in the room, they
dumped him in his bed.

	"How are you getting back to your place?" Dylan asked Alex.

	"We'll walk."

	Dylan looked at Dave, who laughed.  "I heard that sex on 2CB is
wickedly awesome.  Gonna find out."

	Alex smiled.  "I didn't take a vow of chastity.  You can join us if
you want."

	Dylan stared down at the floor.  "That's okay.  I've had enough
excitement for one night."

	"Okay, catch you later" Alex said as they left.

	He pulled off Cass's shoes and thought about pulling off his pants
but decided against it. He covered him up with a sheet.  The kid was passed
out but breathing.  Silently, he pulled off his shirt and pants, standing
there in his underwear.  That's when he thought, I'm sleeping naked
tonight.  He grabbed a towel and climbed into his top bunk.  The thoughts
that he had were not pure.  He thought about Alex, beautiful, bisexual and
promiscuous.  He thought about Dave, also gorgeous and also at least
bisexual and maybe gay.  He thought about the things they were doing
together.  He thought about Cass and the bulge in his boxer briefs, about
Carlos from down the hall, about lots of the guys on the hall, naked in the
shower.  It seemed like everybody was getting it on but him and he was
wondering why he was holding out.  But he had to turn to his immediate
need.  His erection was throbbing and it needed attention.  They call it
self-abuse but it isn't really.  It is self-pleasure and it's wrong at all,
Dylan thought.

	After he finished his business, Dylan lay in the bed listening to
Cass breath, thinking.  Really he had four options.  The first was to do
what was expected of him: find a girl, woo her, marry her and produce
children.  But that wasn't an option at all, he knew.  Being trapped for
life in a marriage to someone he could not be attracted to was profoundly
wrong, hurting innocent people.  He would be condemning himself to an
unhappy life and dragging along a wife and unborn children to share in his
misery and for what? The sake of propriety?  Surely a loving God would not
demand that he intentionally hurt and deceive other human beings.  The
second option would be to seek a cure for his homosexuality.  But he knew
it wasn't really possible.  How many times had he prayed to be relieved of
this burden?  How hard had he worked to rid himself of these thoughts?  It
had never worked and he knew it wasn't going to work.  The truth was that,
at this point, he didn't want it to work. He no longer wanted to be cured.
Which is why celibacy, the option he had always embraced before, was no
longer an option?  As he lay there and thought, Dylan resolved to himself
that he was going to allow himself to have as full and rich a life, to
enjoy his sexuality, as anyone else did.  He had a right to do it and he
was going to do it.  But the result of that was clear.  He could not be a
practicing homosexual and be a Baptist minister.  The choice was stark: he
could try to find happiness or he could serve God.  When he fell asleep, it
felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. The
choice was made.