Date: Mon, 16 May 2011 17:10:56 -0700 (PDT)
From: Gene Hemings <genehemings@yahoo.com>
Subject: Married But Why?

       I finally realized, to ME, cock was and is better than pussy now. I
love my wife, but not for sex anymore.  Over 5 years since we had sex. To
be honest, she was the reason that I chose cock after 50 years of age, and
after so many turn downs for sex with her. It took me a long time to get my
mind straight enough to think about cock instead of her pussy. Because, I
believed in my mind, this form of male sex was not adultery as it was
adulterous with another woman. I'm still married over 40 years now with two
married kids. Now I'm 67 and living in Fl.

  As time moves on the sex slows down to almost a halt. You can only hear
her bitching about her head aches and back aches and pussy problems for so
long. You realize it might be you that don't smell right or look right, or
whatever, but you know something is wrong in your marriage, and she is not
talking or telling you why. That to me alone, is wrong, but you still try
for the sex. My wife never said why, and I never sat her down for a GOOD
reason of why, which was wrong on my part. I can understand if a guy has
poor hygiene issues, I showered every day, 7 days a week, but that could
still have been my problem, who knows. Maybe I needed 2 or 3 showers. If
his smell turns the wife off, tell the guy! If he truly wants that pussy he
will bath properly. If not he can choose some other way for sex, like I
did.

  When your dating and after your marriage the sex is constant and
plentiful. But then comes the reality...she don't want your cock
anymore. Something is just not right!  To me, it was not worth the hassle
with MY wife. I'd get horny and realize it will not happen tonight. SO,
time to move on to some other way for my sex. Perhaps I did not know how to
approach the subject with her and hear the true reason for her refusals. Of
course I asked, what, why, it was always NO, but the same lame excuses
still. You hear your buddies complain of the same thing. Never was I
offered the true reason for not wanting sex with me. Looking back it does
seem odd. But read on.


  Guys need to get off, one way or another. So we jerk off and fantasize
about whatever turns us on. Thank goodness you remember how to jack off!
Eventually you think how much you would love to suck your own cock, and of
course you try it, saying it's mine so I can suck it.  Most can't do it! I
couldn't either, but I tried!

 Then you know in your heart your best friend is a dick, your own dick! So
you think, so what if I suck another guy, if he will suck me before I have
to suck him, all is well that ends well. So I thought, I'll give it a try,
sucking a dick that is.  But how was I going to do this? Where or what can
I do to find a guy that is safe and clean, yet will not out me as being
gay. It took me over a year to get the nerve to try finding a guy for sex.

  Then I found the Internet and a gay chat line. What a new found world
there was out there! I had no idea it was going to be so easy after
this. This truly let me explore my gay side as I now know it. I'm
comfortable admitting it to myself yet still closeted to the world.


  For me, I knew I was gay from a really young age, but still afraid to
admit it to myself until after I was 50. I believe there are thousands of
us gays born into this world every day. As a closet gay all my life, I was
always afraid of someone seeing into my soul that I was actually BI or gay
in my sexuality. Sometimes I think that there were or are friends or
acquaintances that did believe I was gay or bi yet chose to never say
anything to my face. At least to my face I have never heard someone say
they heard it. Or said to my face they believe I'm gay. Sometimes I think I
saw it on their faces and some odd looks.


  After getting married, and my wife eventually finding out I was gay I am
now pissed at myself, for making her life hell. She truly had nothing to do
with my gayness or moving to the gay side, except prodding me by her
withholding sex to me.

  Gay thoughts had been there since I was very young. So for years before I
met her, I knew I was gay. I just needed that push she gave me by denying
me her body. Was that enough to blame her for pushing me over, who knows?
That was my excuse, for me to try sucking a dick!


  I just was not willing to admit it to myself that I was truly gay until I
was over 50 and married over 30 years.  I bought into that macho guys don't
like guys, we hear as we grow up, and I just can not be gay, that's not
allowed. I tried hard to suppress those gay feelings and thoughts. I even
had to try to hide my true self, by getting married as I realized I needed
a cover when I was 21 years old. I needed to find myself, yet had no idea
how I was going to get my mind straight on whether I was gay or straight. I
feel honestly bad about getting married now that I admit I'm gay. I knew as
a young man I liked dick better than pussy. I could not find a guy to try
it with. I just had no idea how to find a playmate when I was young. I
believe, had I found a guy to have sex with when I was in my teens, I would
have gone straight to gay, and forgot about girls. I was just too scared to
act on my BI or gay tendencies. I really was BI when I was
 young. I just never got the chance or the balls to try, to suck a guy.

 Although, I was turned on by beautiful girls.  My first pussy came at 18
years old. Not at 14 or 15 as most of my friends bragged.

  Now at this time I was always wanting to eat a girls pussy. Yes I ate my
wife's pussy often. She loved it too! I was ready to eat a girls pussy
anytime I got the chance. I did eat pussy and enjoyed it at that young
age. That was a great turn on for me, yet I still dreamed of cocks and
sucking a guy, over eating pussy. Especially longing to suck cock after
seeing the really handsome guys everywhere I went.

  After you come to grips with the fact your gay, it gets much easier to
endure and try to plod along and hope someday this lifestyle will change to
the BI or Gay style and make your life better. So far I'm still in limbo
land to keep peace with my wife and still be married, over 40 years now.


  Eventually time does move on, and you finally realize it's just not like
it was when we were younger. We have grown up to be upstanding leaders in
our communities. Of course that don't help things when you lean gay.


  I finally found the courage to face my problems and dealt with it by
meeting guys from the Internet. Eventually I got careless, as we all do.


  My problem was, I got caught by my wife by leaving a trail. I'm a very
poor liar so I admitted it when she confronted me. I offered her the
opportunity to go BI with me but she refused.

  To keep peace, and our marriage, as she did not want the divorce I
offered her.  So for other reasons I deal with her looking over my shoulder
constantly for the past 6 years. I'm close to 68 now. I still need a mans
cock and the sexual closeness of another guy.

  Funny part of this story, is, after she found out why I went to the dark
side. She wanted sex with me constantly and I did try to change my thoughts
on pussy, but eventually I could not keep an erection long enough to
satisfy both of us. That was caused by the fact she was not turning me on
mentally. I did get a sneak away with another guy, right after she caught
me. And it was hard as a rock during our sex.


  I'll try to hook up with a guy whenever or wherever I can. And hopefully
with a nice clean older guy like myself, that desires the same sex I
like. I wish there were a good older guy like myself living close to me,
that we could play once in a while and satisfy our needs.


   Take care and stay in touch if you like, and Thank You for liking my
Nifty stories. This is almost a story itself.

   I have three stories on Nifty.  G