Date: Fri, 15 Apr 2005 23:21:54 -0400
From: The Gargoyle <thegarg0yle@hotmail.com>
Subject: My Weird Little Sex Life - Part 3

My Weird Little Sex Life
Part 3

By The Gargoyle

The following content is absolutely true. I've altered most
of the biographical and geographical names in effort to
maintain anonymity and also to avoid duplication of given
names, which I know can be confusing.


   Gay Pride Day was approaching, the first such occasion
since I emerged from the closet. Pat and I agreed to attend
the weekend festivities together and to split a hotel room.
   On the eve of parade day we journeyed from the suburbs to
the big city and hit the gay bars. Legal age was 19. I was
just a year away but didn't look it. I was thin and smooth-
skinned but I was able to get by the bouncers most of the
time by entering among a group of older friends and by
wearing a carefully studied expression on my face that made
me look a little older according to my friends' assurances.
   Once inside I always received plenty of stares and free
drinks but I never encouraged the strangers that approached
me. I tried to act like I didn't want the attention but for
a teenager who'd been pretty shy and self-conscious as a
child it was quite an ego-boost to be getting so much
attention. Mind you, at that time there weren't many
teenagers coming out of the closet so I was monopolizing a
pretty large share of that market. These days there's a
plethora of teenagers in the bars and some of them are
awfully cute!
   Pat and I had requested a two-bed hotel room. It came
with just one queen-size bed (no pun intended) but we didn't
mind sharing.
   I awoke in the middle of the night to discover hands on
me. He was touching my back and my ass - through my
underwear. I stayed still and silent and let him do it.
   He crept stealthily out of bed and went into the bathroom
for quite some time but on the way he stopped at the foot of
the bed and played with my bare feet for a while. That's
when I learned that I wasn't the only person in the world
with a liking for feet.

   I must explain something. I'm probably coming across as
some kind of narcissist or exhibitionist as I relate these
encounters which so far, all seem to center around my own
body. But here's what you must understand. My feelings about
sex, similar to those about love, have never leaned toward
any kind of reciprocity. My instincts have always dictated
that sex and love are about one worshipful admirer and one
beautiful beloved.
   Here's the kicker: I've never wanted to be the beloved.
I've only ever wanted to be the admirer. I've always wanted
to be the provider and the protector. Does that seem a
little pederastic? I was without a father during my early
formative years so that may have something to do with it.
   So why was I playing the opposite role at that time in my
life? Because I was yet to meet someone beautiful who would
let me worship them. All my desires still centered around
Kyle, the unattainable straight boy. I played the opposite
role because it was the only role available. In those days
all I could do was to live vicariously through those who
admired me. And frankly I wanted to be kind. Why deny
someone the pleasure they wanted while I was trying to find
someone willing to extend that very favor to me? It would
have been hypocritical!

   I fell in with a small crowd of slightly older handsome
gay elitists. They were rather snobby and careful about whom
they allowed into their little clique. They were fashionable
and political and I realized quickly that I didn't fit in
with this crowd and didn't really want to.
   I was ready to sever my inclusion but the silliest thing
happened. A struggling semi-professional dancer, one of the
clique, invited me to hang out with him one evening - just
the two of us. We spent a long late night together just
driving around, walking around and talking about our often-
difficult lives. His unlikely name, Tristan Castlebrook
seemed somehow pretentious to me and I now suspect it may
have been the result of a legal name change - perhaps for
the benefit of his dancing career. Either way it matched his
rather calculated personality.
   As the sun was about to rise we returned to his apartment
building. In the lobby we said our good-byes and as it was
the custom in the group to give hugs I asked,
   "Is this place too public for a hug?"
   "Not at all," he replied. "Is it too public for a kiss?"
I was floored. He had this sparkling grin on his face and I
realized, somewhat horrified that this whole thing had been
a date. The crazy thing is - I was too embarrassed to admit
my mistake. He kissed me deeply and guided me up to his tiny
apartment.
   I'd been embarrassed about the exhibitionistic sessions
with Danny so I'd kept it secret. Tristan made the
assumption that I was still a virgin and was beside himself
with delight at the prospect of unraveling my cherry. I
played along. Who was I to disappoint him?
   He undressed me reverently. He caressed and kissed and
licked my body while I squirmed beneath his eager hands and
lips. His de-robing was an afterthought. His dick was quite
big and I jerked it for him now and then but he didn't want
to come. He said that was his way with sex. He never wanted
the arousal to end while he was with a partner so he would
only come by masturbating later, when alone and re-living
the encounter in his imagination.
   I, on the other hand, came several times. Once in his
mouth and often in his hand. Tristan was an exquisite
masturbator. He had magic fingers. Oral and anal may be the
popular flavors of gay sex but the hand jobs I got from him
provided some of the most euphoric, torturous mind-blowing
orgasms I've ever had.
   We actually became boyfriends for no other reason then my
being too embarrassed to admit the misunderstanding
concerning our 'date'. It sounds crazy but it's true. And
the fault was apparently mine because it turned out the
whole group found it obvious that Tristan was after me since
day-one. I hadn't realized it.
   Despite my mother's protests I spent a few over-nights at
his place. He loved slobbering all over me and I felt good
fulfilling his fantasies - or so I perceived. I never
thought I might be hurting him.
   I became worried as I realized how much he was falling
for me. I knew I had to break it off before it got out of
hand. I did so. He begged me not to leave him. He said he'd
never been so happy in his life. I felt sick about it. We
had our last dinner together. I drove away while he stood on
the sidewalk staring at me with the most sorrowful
expression I've ever seen. Whether it was genuine or an act,
I don't know. Everything was a show with him.
   Twice in the next ten years I ran into him and we just
laughed about how infatuated he had been - saying how
juvenile it all was.
   I'll never run into him again. He's gone. He went the
same way as Dr Blake. I guess he got tired of living a
pretend life and was too afraid of trying to live a real one
- so he just called it quits.

   Things were difficult at home. The gay issue was a bit of
a problem but I blew it all out of proportion. I quit high-
school, got a crappy job and moved out. Although part of it
was just that I had to get away from Kyle. My infatuation
with him was fucking up both our lives. I rented a room from
a single gay man. For the record, that relationship remained
strictly landlord-tenant.

   I dated a couple more guys in rapid succession. Then
finally I met someone that was gay, my age and that I was
attracted to!
   I'd heard all about Ted before I actually met him. Danny
fell in lust with him and told me all about him. Danny had
secretly been giving him occasional blow-jobs, which he was
also doing for me again as I wasn't dating at the time.
Finally Ted and I met a couple of times in group social
situations and we seemed to hit it off pretty well.
   Then we got together for a movie - just the two of us. It
was a Sunday evening and afterwards we went to his small
apartment and stayed up all night just talking. As morning
arrived we finally confessed our mutual attraction to one
another, agreed to be boyfriends, kissed good-bye and went
to work.
   Monday evening we got right back together and were naked
in bed in no time. He had a great body, not really thin as I
normally preferred but very firm and toned and smooth. Oh
and he had nice feet too. Everything was mutual this time.
We sucked and fondled and kissed endlessly. It was the best
reciprocal sex I've ever had. He knew about my fetish and
would rub my dick with his toes sometimes. It felt awesome.
   When Danny found out about Ted and I it ended our
friendship. He was jealous. I guess he felt I betrayed him
somehow. Perhaps I did. I'm not a saint. But Ted meant a lot
to me. He was cute and sexy and the sex and the cuddling
were great and I'd never experienced anything like this. I
wanted to spend my life with him. I couldn't choose Danny's
friendship over Ted's love.
   Ted asked me to fuck him. I did but just once. I didn't
really like it. He tried to fuck me. It hurt too much and we
never tried again.

   We were walking through a mall one day when we ran into
two of Ted's friends. One of them was a 23-year old fellow
named Gerald. I actually have no remembrance of this event
whatsoever but I know it happened. Gerald was destined to
play a major role in my life and he still talks about the
time at the mall where he first laid eyes on me.

   Ted moved to Baltimore temporarily - for university. I
had a job with odd shifts that afforded me a five-day
weekend every third week. This was the only time I could
spend with him. It was a long trip - the furthest I'd ever
been from home. The first time I showed up it took all of 30
seconds to find ourselves up in his room naked. We climbed
all over each other. We could sixty-nine all night back then
and we were good at it too. We had rhythm! He had an awesome
dick.
   My second visit, three weeks later, was very painful. The
second night there we went out to a local gay bar with a new
friend of Ted's named Lance. While we sat in the bar I saw
the door open and if my eyes did not deceive me - in walked
Kyle. Kyle - the object of all my desires - in a gay bar in
another state. It was utterly surreal.
   It was not Kyle at all. It was a local young gay fellow
who looked so much like Kyle - and Craig of course - they
could have been triplets. It was haunting.
   I was devastated. The urge to go and speak to this
gorgeous boy was overwhelming. But what on earth could I
say? The truth would have sounded like the worst pick-up
line ever. And what about Ted? I couldn't do that to him. I
kept quiet. The boy was soon being pawed over by some older
man and I kept silent about everything.
   Our last full night together Ted and I lay in bed and he
made a confession. He and Lance had been sleeping together.
I was devastated all over again. The relationship was over.
I know now that no male is fully capable of monogamy or
faithfulness. For each and every man there is some level of
temptation that he can not resist. It's true. But I didn't
know that then. I was naive. I was idealistic. I wasn't mad
but I was hurt. I was crushed. I knew I'd miss him. We held
each other and cried together.
   The next evening I packed the car to head home. But when
I left I didn't go straight home. I called the Baltimore
'gayline' for a list of gay bars and their addresses and I
stalked them all evening. I completed the circuit twice. I
had to find this Kyle-look-alike. I had to tell him he was
beautiful. He deserved to know. And if he showed any
interest in me at all - I'd have packed my belongings and
moved to Baltimore - just for a shot at being his boyfriend.
He was that beautiful. But I never found him and that's
probably for the best. He probably would have thought I was
some kind of psycho.


GERALD

   Ted and I stayed in touch and we even hooked up for quick
sex on a few occasions. I decided at this time that I would
never under any circumstances ever have a boyfriend again! I
was dead serious.
   I was 19 now and had my own tiny bachelor apartment. The
rent was $230 a month! Ted called me one Saturday just to
say hi and as he did I was pondering a large piece of
artwork that I needed to return to the art gallery. It
wouldn't fit in my little Nissan.
   "Call Gerald or Dale," suggested Ted. They were twin
brothers - tall and thin with a lot of body hair but
receding on top already. They had pleasant handsome faces.
I'd met Gerald at the mall, you'll recall, though I didn't
realize it. Gerald had a jeep and Dale a pick-up truck.
   "Naw, I don't really know them very well - to be asking
favors," said I.
   "Trust me," urged Ted, "Either of them would be very
happy to do you a favor." He was insistent. He knew
something I didn't. He gave me their phone numbers."
   I was tight for options. I knew Dale a little better of
the two. Though I found his manner rather intense and felt a
little nervous around him, I gave Dale a call. He wasn't
home.
   Gerald was. He dropped everything to come straight over
and pick up me and the painting.
   Task done I invited him in for a coffee but he revealed
he had to catch a plane! He was just packing for his
vacation when I'd called. I was shocked he did me this favor
at such a time!
   He took a rain check on the coffee and two weeks later he
flew back home and wasted no time cashing it in. We became
instant friends. He started visiting almost every evening.
He knew how I felt - about wanting to be single - and it was
torturing him. He wanted me in the worst way and I had no
idea.
   One day as he visited I was barefoot. I knelt on the
couch in order to reach for something behind it and all of a
sudden he rushed up behind me, bent down and planted a
sloppy kiss on the sole of my foot. He passed it off as a
joke but I knew better. I realized two things. One - there
were now at least three people in the world with a thing for
feet - and two, Gerald had some kind of feelings toward me.
   I was determined to just stay friends but Gerald was a
charmer, a real pro. He laid it on thick and I started to
fall for him.
   We'd been buddies a few months when he talked me into
vacationing with him in Florida. I insisted the hotel rooms
have two beds. I was still resistant to the idea of a
boyfriend.
   We had a great time. It was my first proper vacation.
After the first night we never used the second bed. Gerald
was (and still is) very sexually adventurous. He rimmed my
ass. He licked my feet and sucked my toes. He took me
shopping for dirty magazines. He had us taking photos of
each other in the hotel room, naked and jerking off. We both
have copies still! We took candid shots of young shirtless
strangers on the street. He was wild and youthful and giddy
and he would be my boyfriend for the next 13 years. And in
that time we would find all sorts of trouble to get in to!

To be continued.

Feedback most welcome:
thegarg0yle@hotmail.com
[note the '0' in gargoyle is a zero!]