Date: Tue, 12 Jul 2011 17:31:33 -0700 (PDT)
From: Gene Hemings <lv2sc@yahoo.com>
Subject: To Be Young Again

       I finally realized, to ME, cock was and is better than pussy!
Married for forty two years now and I love my wife, but not for sex
anymore.  Over 5 years since we had sex. To be honest, she was the reason
that I chose cock after fifty three years of age, and after so many turn
downs for sex with her. Yes I was gay when I married her but I would not
admit it to anyone or myself. I was a closet gay. I used my marriage to
hide that fact.

  When I was young I was bi and loved pussy as that was easier to get than
trying to find a safe guy to suck. I wanted to suck a guy but was too
scared to try asking a guy if I could suck his dick. I had no idea how to
get involved with guys for dick sucking.
  Of course if he were straight I would be labeled a queer to the world!
That I could not afford to let happen.
  It took me a long time to get my mind straight enough to think about cock
instead of my wife's pussy. Because, I believed in my mind, this form of
male sex was not adultery as I thought it was adulterous to fuck another
woman. Sex with a guy to me was not adultery.
  I'm still married with two married kids. Now I'm sixty seven and living
in Florida the gay capitol of the United States.
  As time moves on in our marriages, the sex slows down to almost a
halt. You can only hear her bitching about her head aches and back aches
and pussy problems for so long.
  You realize it might be you that don't smell right or look right, or
whatever, but you know something is wrong in your marriage when it comes to
sex.  And she is not talking or telling you why. That to me, is wrong, but
you still try for the sex. My wife never said why, and I never sat her down
for a GOOD reason of why, which was wrong on my part. I can understand if a
guy has poor hygiene issues, or is too fat. But I showered every day, seven
days a week, but that could still have been my problem, who knows, she
wasn't telling anything. Maybe I needed two or three showers. If the guy's
smell turns the wife off, tell the guy! If he truly wants that pussy he
will bath properly. If not he can choose some other way for sex, like I
did.

  When your dating and after your early marriage years the sex is constant
and plentiful. But then comes the reality...she don't want your cock
anymore. Something is just not right!  To me, it was not worth the hassle
with "MY" wife. I'd get horny and realize it will not happen tonight, which
pissed me off. Guys need sex more than wives I believe. But perhaps there
are women that are like guys and their husbands will not put out!

  Perhaps I did not know how to approach the subject with her, and hear the
true reason for her refusals. Of course I asked, what, why, it was always
NO, and the same lame excuses. You hear your married buddies complain of
the same thing. That's when you know it is all of our wives that act this
way. WHY?Never was I offered the true reason for not wanting sex with
me. Looking back it does seem odd.  SO, time to move on to some other way
for my sex. But read on.

  Guys need to get off, one way or another. So we jerk off and fantasize
about whatever turns us on. Thank goodness you remember how to jack off!

  Eventually you think how much you would love to suck your own cock, and
of course you try it, saying it's mine so I can suck it.  Most can't do it!
I couldn't either, but I sure wanted to and I tried many times!

  Then you know in your heart your best friend is a dick, your own dick! So
you say to yourself, I'm more gay than straight, so what if I suck another
guy, if he will suck me before I have to suck him, all is well that ends
well. So I thought, I'll give it a try, sucking a dick that is.  But how
was I going to do this? Where or what can I do to find a guy that is safe
and clean, yet will not out me as being gay to all my friends. It took me
over a year to get the nerve to try finding a guy for sex.

  Then I found the Internet and a gay chat line. What a new found world was
out there! I had no idea it was going to be so easy after this. This truly
let me explore my gay side as I now knew I was. I'm comfortable admitting
it to myself yet still closeted to the world.

  For me, I knew I was gay from a really young age, but still afraid to
admit it to myself until after I was fifty. I believe there are thousands
of us gays born into this world every day. As a closet gay all my life, I
was always afraid of someone seeing into my soul that I was actually BI or
gay in my sexuality. Sometimes I think that there were or are friends or
acquaintances that did believe I was gay or bi yet chose to never say
anything to my face. At least I have never heard someone say they heard I
was gay. Or said to me they believe I'm gay. Sometimes I think I saw it on
their faces with some odd looks.  I was asked many times in the company of
others, was I gay? I had to deny it always. So something I did gave some
people the idea I might be gay. So why didn't my friends ask me if I was
gay? But looking back, only one guy did ask me and I was afraid to answer
him truthfully. I did not think he was bi so I was not about to admit to
him I
 was bi or gay as we were good friends for twenty years by this time.

  After getting married, and my wife eventually finding out at sixty two
years old, because I admitted it to her I was gay. I am now pissed at
myself, for making her life hell. She truly had nothing to do with my
gayness or moving to the gay side, except prodding me by her withholding
sex to me. Gay thoughts had been there since I was very young. So for years
before I met her, I knew I was gay. I just needed that push she gave me by
denying me her body. Was that enough to blame her for pushing me over, who
knows?  That was my excuse to try sucking a dick!  I was just not willing
to admit it to myself that I was truly gay until I was over fifty and
married over thirty years.  I bought into that macho thing, guys don't like
guys, we hear as we grow up. And I just can not be gay, that's just not
allowed.

  I tried hard to suppress those gay feelings and thoughts. I even had to
try to hide my true self from myself, by getting married as I realized I
needed a cover because I still feared I was truly gay.  I needed to find
myself, yet had no idea how I was going to get my mind straight on whether
I was gay or straight. I feel honestly bad about getting married now that I
admit I'm gay.

  I knew as a young man I liked dick better than pussy. I could not find a
guy to try it with. I just had no idea how to find a playmate when I was
young. I believe, had I found a guy to have sex with when I was in my
teens, I would have gone straight to gay, and forgot about girls. I was
just too scared to act on my BI or gay tendencies. I really was BI when I
was young. I just never got the chance or had the balls to try to suck a
guys cock, yet I did fuck quite a few girls. It was easier to find a girl
for sex than a guy. I did like to look at and dream of fucking beautiful
girls anyway.

  Although, I was turned on by beautiful girls.  My first pussy came at
eighteen years old. Not at fortteen or fifteen as most of my friends
bragged.  I know some of the boys really did get pussy young, but most of
us guys were late bloomers.

  Now at this time I was always wanting to eat a girls pussy. I ate quite a
few before meeting my wife. Yes I ate my wife's pussy often. She loved it
too! I was ready to eat a girls pussy anytime I got the chance. I did eat
pussy and enjoyed it at that young age. That was a great turn on for me,
yet I still dreamed of cocks and sucking a guy, over eating a pussy. I
especially longed to suck a cock after seeing the really handsome guys
everywhere I went.

  After you come to grips with the fact your gay, it gets much easier to
endure and try to plod along and hope someday this lifestyle will change to
the bi or gay style and make your life better. So far I'm still in limbo
land to keep peace with my wife and still be married, over forty years of
marriage now.

  Eventually time does move on, and you finally realize it's just not like
it was when we were younger. We have grown up to be upstanding leaders in
our communities. Of course that don't help things when you lean gay.

  I finally found the courage to face my problems and dealt with it by
meeting guys from the Internet. Eventually I got careless, as we all do.
My problem was, I got caught by my wife by leaving a trail. I'm a very poor
liar so I admitted it when she confronted me. I offered her the opportunity
to go bi with me but she refused. That was not her thing.

  To keep peace, and our marriage, and not tell our kids, as she did not
want the divorce I offered her we are still together.  So for those reasons
I deal with her looking over my shoulder constantly for the past six years.

  I'm close to sixty eight now. I still need a mans cock and the sexual
closeness of another guy.

  Funny part of this story, is, after she found out why I went to the dark
side. She wanted sex with me constantly and I did try to change my thoughts
on pussy by fucking her, but eventually I could not keep an erection long
enough to satisfy both of us. That was caused by the fact she was not
turning me on mentally and dicks do.

  I did get to sneak away with another guy, right after she caught me. And
it was hard as a rock during our sex.

  I'll try to hook up with a guy whenever or wherever I can. And hopefully
with a nice clean older guy like myself, that desires the same sex I
like. I wish there were a good older guy like myself living close to me,
that we could play once in a while and satisfy our needs.

  Take care and stay in touch if you like, and Thank You for liking my
Nifty stories. This is almost a story itself.

  I have quite a few stories on Nifty.
  Comments to  lv2sc@yahoo.com