Date: Thu, 02 Mar 2006 19:46:42 -0700
From: Dream Spinner <authorsix@hotmail.com>
Subject: "Jason's Journey - Part 7" (true, bi, teen)
This is a story about the growing up and coming of age of a typical Ohio
boy by the name of Jason as told to me through the exchange of a series of
Email. It is a true story detailing true events with only the names,
including Jason's, having been changed to protect the travelers we meet
along the way. We pick up where we left off in Chapter 6 with Jason now
seventeen and finishing off his Junior year and head over heels in love.
The lyrics to "Friend To Me" are copyright of Garth Brooks. Comments about
the story can be sent to the author, J.O. Dickingson at
authorsix@hotmail.com and those who wish to correspond directly with Jason
may do so at journeyofjason@yahoo.com
CHAPTER SEVEN: OF LOVES AND LUSTS SECRET AND OTHERWISE
While we were in high school Nicole and I wrote each other notes all
the time. We would compete to see who could write the most in one school
day, which I wound up winning with having sixteen pages, front and back,
for a total of thirty-two pages, in one nine-period day. It took her about
four hours to read it that evening. If you haven't noticed, I do ramble a
little, and that is what the notes were. I would put in song lyrics, talk
about what we were doing in class, what I planned to do that night, how
much I hated school, everything and nothing at all. When Garth Brooks put
out his Sevens album, there was a song called "Friend to Me." It seemed
like it was written about us. We were the best friends forever and it
seemed that we would be forever more.
Well you and I
We're buddies
And we've been since we first met
Me and you
Well we've sure been through
Our share of laughter and regret.
Lord knows we've had our bad days
And more than once we've disagreed
But you've always been a friend to me.
You can be so stubborn
There's times I think you just like to fight
And I hope and pray
I live to see a day when you say I might be right.
And there's times I'd rather kill you
Than listen to your honesty
But you've always been a friend to me.
You've always been
Time and again
The one to take my hand
And show me it's okay to be
Just the way I am
With no apology.
Oh you've always been
And you will 'til God knows when
Yes you've always been a friend to me.
Nicole and I are also big on going on drives in the country in her
red, two-door 1990 Cougar and this is when we have some of our heart to
heart talks. We talk about who we like, what we did in school, normal
stuff like that. It is at the end of one of these drives when I am in my
junior year and she is in her first year of college that I tell her I am
bi. She is the first person I ever tell that to. We are talking about
band and the problems I am having only having two tenors at the time,
myself and Kevin. We stop in front of my house and talk for a few more
minutes and just as I am about to jump out of the car, I say something to
the effect, "Why couldn't it have been Kevin that is gay instead of his
brother Pete." I open the door to jump out but get stuck in the seatbelt
and she grabs me and we talk about it a bit and I tell her about my little
crush on Kevin and how I'd like to, well, you get the idea.. She is
shocked I can tell, but she is accepting and promises not to tell anyone
unless I say it is okay.
Spring break the band goes on a trip to Florida, a major event for all
of us and especially for those of us like myself who have additional
responsibilities. I am a tenor sax player and in charge of the entire low
brass section, which includes baritones and marching (valved) trombones.
There are thirteen people I am in charge of section wise, and twenty if you
count the people I am in charge of because people in my section are squad
leaders. I am supposed to know where every person I am in charge of is at
every moment of every show we ever do, and I wouldn't have had it any other
way.
There are all kinds of great things planned, performing in the Magic
Lights parade at Disneyland, time to take in the rides and events of the
Magic Kingdom of course, going to Wet and Wild and Soak City, a trip to
Planet Hollywood, the beach, and all sorts of other fun stuff and I am
really looking forward to the trip. I am not, however, looking forward to
the group I have been assigned to share a room with: George, Christine's
ex, Ron, a real doof who goes to the same church as my neighbor, and Kenny,
who is, well, just Kenny. George is a year older than I, and Ron and Kenny
two years younger. By this time George and Kay have found out that
Christine and I had been seeing each other before we'd broken up with them
and things are still a little weird for George and me. Ron plays baritone
so I am stuck with him in my section. There have been times I have gotten
so mad at him because he got lost while we are practicing that I yelled so
hard my vision blurred and I just saw flashes of colors. Intense would be
an understatement. Everyone in the band knows that Kenny is gay, hell
everyone in the school knows he is gay. He has just never admitted to it.
He is weird and fruity and very odd, not gay odd, just very, very strange.
Early in my junior year I'd struck up a friendship with a girl in my
section, Beth, and we've been talking to each other through most of the
year. She is a really nice person, very cute, with long, dirty blond hair
and an athletic body. She is a runner, track and cross country. Although
we are really close, Beth knows about Tara and me and that I love her and
that nothing is going to happen between us. I didn't realize when we first
met that Beth is Nicole's cousin. They have the same last name and
everything, but I was just very dense and never put two and two
together. One day I was talking to Nicole and mentioned there was this
really hot chick in my section named Beth. Nicole let me continue without
stopping me, knowing all the time I was talking about her cousin. Boy, was
my face red when she told me!
Anyway Beth and I decide to sit together on the way to Florida, which
means over eighteen hours, right next to each other with very little space
between us. Tara finds out about it and she starts on it like she does
with Jessica, ribbing me about how much I liked her and how hard it is
going to be sitting side by side for eighteen hours, just teasing as she
trusts me fully. What she does not know is that I found out where Beth
lives and drive past her house every time I bring Tara to my house.
We leave for Florida very early in the morning, something before six
a.m.. For me 8:30 is the usual time to get up, which gives me twenty
minutes until I have to be at school, plenty of time as we only live four
blocks away, but I'm usually late every day. We take our seats and she
sits on the aisle and listens to her CD player and I sit at the window and
listen to mine. She loves Green Day and I am in my country kick at that
point. We stop a few times during the trip for food, gas, restroom, and
the like and drive through the night. Anyone who has been on an overnight
bus trip knows it is next to impossible to fall asleep. We try and Beth
keeps fidgeting and moving around and cannot get comfortable. I tell her
to hold on a minute, move so I'm leaning against the window, and tell her
to lean into me. I put my arm around her shoulder and onto her side and we
sleep like that for a few hours. Actually I don't get much sleep. I am
rather excited about her laying on me. I might love Tara, but I am a
healthy, red-blooded American teenage boy! I am surprised nobody says
anything about it. Usually that would have been on the grapevine before
she got her eyes closed. When she wakes up, her legs are sore and
cramping. I tell her to put her legs on my lap and I rub them where she is
sore.
Arriving at our hotel the next morning, we are assigned our rooms and
I begrudgingly trudge off with my new roomies for the next four nights to
drop off our luggage. George as I said is the oldest and is about 5'7",
150 pounds, with a stocky build, blond-brown hair, and glasses. He is a
percussion player, and not the brightest bulb in the box, a characteristic
I've found most percussion players have in common. He is the kind of guy
you would expect to have dead bodies buried in his backyard. People always
said he would be able to kill someone and get away with it, but then that
doesn't mean much. They always said that about me too. Ron is a pudgy,
short kid, 5'6", 150 pounds or so, with brown hair. He kind of looks like
a mouse, but not the cute mousiness I normally go for. His family is
loaded, but so cheap it isn't even funny. Ron as I said is a real doof and
is made fun of by everybody, even the teachers. Kenny is about 5'8" and
thin, about 135lbs, and has brown hair. He also has the "gay" look about
him, very feminine in looks and manners, with thin lips, a huge lisp, and
that look in his eyes that screams out "hey, I'm gay!" Anyone just looking
at him can tell. Myself, I'm 5'10" and a hundred and twenty-five pounds
and just know that I like to mess around with guys and girls. To me it is
experimenting and just plain having fun and I haven't yet put a label on
myself. Well, actually I have. I tell everyone I'm try-sexual. I'll try
anything once. My hair is almost half way down my back and has been
turning darker brown all through high school. I wear it in a tail unless
Tara and I are fooling around, wrestling or screwing, either or. Tara
loves it when I have my hair down.
The room has two beds in the main area and a fold out couch in the
entry area. We decide if we take turns sleeping on the floor, each of us
would have a bed for three days and have to sleep on the floor for just one
day. God forbid two guys would sleep in the same bed together! Having a
bad back and knowing later in the week we had parades and shows, I choose
the floor the first night so I would get a bed before the performances.
After a practice and dinner we are given some time to ourselves at the
hotel and I just want to watch TV in the room and try to get some sleep so
I flop down on one of the beds and the others take off. It is probably
around six when I turn the tube on and started flipping. I am alone in the
room and just about to go into the bathroom to jack off when Kenny comes
back to the room. He sits on the other bed and we talk for a bit and watch
TV.
Of course we talk about how cool the trip is going to be and how
exciting it is going to be playing in the Magic Lights Parade, and how the
room is pretty cool though it's going to be a bit crowded with the four of
us together, and awkward, not really knowing each other that well and each
other's habits. Somehow in the course of our conversation the topic of
masturbation comes up. I tell him it has been a few days for me what with
the bus ride and all and that I had been about to go into the bathroom to
do it when he'd arrived. He says that he hasn't done it in a while either
and that he had been thinking about going to the bathroom to do it
too. Well, we have one of those guy pauses for a moment, and he sort of
suggests with a shrug and like it's not a big thing that we could do it
together. Well, I readily agree, always eager to see someone else doing
it.
We undo our pants and pull them open, exposing our underwear. On the
count of three, we pull our dicks out. We are both hard and just start
going at it. He slides his hand up and down the shaft without really
gripping it. It is the first time I see somebody do it that way. I always
have a tight grip on mine and move the skin up and down. Kenny keeps
looking over at my dick and I watch him too. Most guys I've jerked off
with have small dicks but his dick is the same size as mine which is pretty
cool. I love watching other guys doing it, and being watched, and with the
addition of the risk of being caught, I find the whole thing very hot. I
shoot first and catch my cum on the back of my hand. He shoots a few
seconds later and catches his stuff the same way. We both get up and
waddle to the bathroom with our dicks sticking out of our underwear and our
pants falling down our legs. We wipe off our dicks and tuck them away,
clean up our hands with toilet paper, pull our pants up and go back to the
beds. Less than ten minutes later Ron comes back to the room and Kenny and
I act as if nothing happened. For myself it is exhilarating knowing that
we had just gotten off and could have been caught together. Looking back,
it was kind of foolish because that would have spread through the band
faster than a joint at an Iron Butterfly concert.
Kenny and I don't discuss what happened until later that night. We
are getting ready for bed with Ron and George getting the beds, me on the
floor and Kenny on the folding couch. Kenny comes over into our area so he
can talk with us, so we are both on the floor. We get onto the topic of
sex, as normal teenage boys do, and once again the topic of masturbation
comes up. I ask if they have ever jacked off in front of someone. Ron
says no right away. Kenny hesitates for a second and then says no also.
George says he's never jacked off period. For most other guys that sort of
statement would have been greeted with a round of disbelief and ribbing,
but George is such a jerk we all believe it possible. I tell them that I
have and tell about doing it with one of my cousins, just making some shit
up. I say that I jack off quite a bit and am feeling horny, not having
been able to do it since we got there, but none of them take me up on my
hint despite it being so obvious, not even Kenny who had to know I was
trying to get Ron to lower his inhibitions and try it. It does lead to a
frank discussion about sex and relationships among the three of us, George
soon rolling over with his back to us and going to sleep. By then it is
midnight but none of the rest of us are tired, being too wound up about the
trip.
Willing to try anything to get to see another guy's dick and my hints
not working, I mention that I can suck myself off. Neither believe I can
and dare me to do it. I act like it is a strange and novel idea and that
it would be weird exposing myself to them. They urge me on and I play them
along a bit so I don't look so eager and finally agree. Ron turns the
bedside light on and I pull my sweats down and sitting there on the floor I
lean over and go down on myself. At home I usually throw my legs over my
head, but there is no way I am going to do that and expose my asshole to
them. I lick and suck a few times and then stop and say, "See, I told
you." To my disappointment nothing further happens and I figure to push it
would be too obvious. Finally it is after three in the morning and we
start winding down. We've shut the light off again so as not to disturb
George and I say something about having a wank and going to sleep, and
reach down and begin to yank on my stiff, aching dick. Kenny and Ron say
that's a good idea and so the three of us lay there and get one off. After
over three hours of talking sex, it does not take long for us to get off.
As usual I shoot my load on the back of my hand and suck it up. It is too
dark for me to tell just what Ron and Kenny do, but there being no tissue
in the bedroom and neither of them getting up to go to the bathroom, I just
assume they do the same. I am disappointed I never got to see Ron's dick
but I figure I still have three more nights. Ron drops off to sleep and
Kenny and I talk for about another half an hour. He falls asleep there on
the floor with me and never does make it back to the fold out cot. I wake
up with such a stiff neck in the morning it isn't even funny. I am pretty
much shot for the rest of the day.
That night George takes the couch bed in the entry way, Kenny is on
the floor between the two beds again, this being his night to forego a bed
in our macho refusal to have two guys in one bed, and Ron and I are on the
beds. George is a real wimp and once again is asleep by midnight. I have
always been a creature of the late night myself and have been staying up
past midnight since at least sixth grade. Once again our conversation
turns to sex and Kenny tells us that he is in fact gay and Ron and I both
sarcastically say "No." We laugh a bit and continue talking. I tell them
that I am bi and Ron says he is too. It is the first time I've ever
admitted that to another guy though I don't recognize the significance of
the moment at the time. Ron is a real dork and I'm not sure I can believe
he is telling the truth. Actually, I can't even imagine him jerking off he
is such a dork.
We start talking about people in the band that we would like to fuck.
I mention Kevin, a hot boy in my section that I've had the hots for ever
since I met him in my Sophomore year. Kevin is a real cutie with high
cheekbones, big, beautiful eyes, sort of bowl cut hair, nice curves, and a
gorgeous ass with a slight bubble to it. I've had countless fantasies
about sinking my various body parts into that ass. I start telling them
some of the stuff that I have done in the past with friends and family,
always respecting the other person's privacy and not giving enough
information for them to know whom I'm talking about. We talk for a bit
longer and Ron drops off to sleep. Kenny and I decide to jerk off
together, both admitting to being horny after our conversation, and then
drop off to sleep also, somewhat earlier than the previous night.
The next morning we get ready to go with the band. George has headed
off to be with his girlfriend at the breakfast bar as usual, Ron is in the
bathroom, and Kenny and I are in getting dressed by the beds. He asks me
if I would give him a blow job and I say sure, just not there right now.
He wants to me to take a shower with him which I also turn down.
I do not need that piece of news floating around the band! I tell him to
get with me when we are at home. He agrees and we go on our way.
Things were going very well between Beth and me throughout the trip
and I'm really starting to like her despite my feelings for Tara. During
practice that day Ron is doing his normal goofing off and everyone in the
section is yelling at him, including Beth. When we are finished practice,
I tell everyone that I would handle Ron and I didn't need them sticking
their noses in what is my responsibility. Well, Beth gets pissed at that
and doesn't talk to me for the rest of the trip, and actually doesn't talk
to me again until band starts up the next season.
Disneyland is awesome of course, and for a roller coaster fanatic like
me, I could ride the Matterhorn, Runaway Train and Space Mountain all day.
While we are at Disneyland I slip into one of the public washrooms and have
a quick wank, and for a few minutes it really is the happiest place on
earth. Kenny, Ron and I jack off together again that night. If it had
just been Kenny and I in the room we'd have left the lights on, but George
is there asleep in the bed beside us and would have freaked had he caught
us. Besides, Ron is with us. Actually, Ron says he is doing it, but he
never shows anything. Looking back at it now, I doubt if he was really
doing it. I am sure Kenny was. He is a lot like me. I am a very sexual
and sexually open person and I will get off every chance I get. Again when
I come I shoot into my hand and lick it off. I ask Ron and Kenny if they'd
done it all the way afterwards and they both say yes. I tell them that I
usually shoot in my hand and lick it up and Ron claims that he shot in his
hand and licked it too which only adds to my suspicions.
The last day we go to a water park called Soak City. Well, the sight
of dozens of guys in their tight, revealing Speedos and wet swim suits and
the opportunity to see guys in the bathroom pushing their suits down to
take a leak or changing in the changing room is like taking a kid to the
candy store. I get to see some fucking hot guys between the ages of twelve
and sixteen stark naked. One hot blond kid about fifteen with scruffy hair
like Taylor Hanson wears now has the biggest dick I've ever seen in person,
four and a half inches soft I'm sure.
I would have loved to have seen him hard and to have been the person
responsible for him being hard. Despite how busy the change room is, I
slip into one of the stalls and have a quick jack off. I cannot help it.
I know now it was foolish, the change room having the most people of any
public place I've ever jerked off in, and me having greatest chance of
being caught, but my nuts were in charge that afternoon, not my brain.
That night, our last night in the hotel room, Ron says that he was
just joking and that he isn't bi. Kenny and I are rather pissed over it
and we sort of shun him that last night. I suspect he'd just said he was
bi because I had, or perhaps because he figured that made it more
acceptable jacking off together. Who knows? He might not have been joking
at all but the guilt of the church made him say that he was. Damn church
screws up so many minds. My parents had decided to take a vacation at the
same time as our trip so I could stay an extra day in Florida, so while the
rest of the band boards the bus the next morning I join them and travel
back home with them the next day. We get home and I don't hear anything
from Kenny so I figure he just forgot about getting together, or that he is
busy with one of his friends.
Tara has a softball game the weekend of the big Christian Rock
festival this year, just like last year. Her parents have a dream that she
is going to get a softball scholarship and go to a good college so despite
all our arguing this year they refuse to let her go and so I go by myself.
It is really tough. I purposefully avoid Kay, who has gone to every
concert I have and whom I suspect is enjoying my misery.
I have a really cool shirt with colors shooting everywhere and a
crystal ball type thing in the middle. I wear that with my sunglasses and
hair down with a floppy little black hat, almost like a fisherman hat. I
am walking around by myself and go into the souvenir tent to look around.
I am getting very nervous because I don't like close situations like that
and it is so crowded. A girl comes up to me and says she likes my shirt.
I say thanks and take off. I stop outside and she catches up with me and
starts talking to me. We get really close in just a few minutes and hang
out with each other the rest of the night and decide to meet the next day.
It turns out she lives in Ohio, but it is about four hours from me. She is
a sweet girl, half Cherokee, and she is really starting to think we are
going to get together. We do kiss and the people in my group can't believe
I am doing that. Considering everything that happens between the two of
us, I am surprised that I would be able to be swayed so easily. We talk
for several months after that and talk about getting together some time,
but never do. That is the only time I ever come close to cheating on Tara.
Tara never did find out about our friendship, at least not to my knowledge.
Another thing that happens that month that affects my life is seeing
the Hanson video for MMMBop. It is an innocent, cute video with the boys
just being themselves, running around and having fun. I go out immediately
and buy the single since that is all that is out at the time. I tell Tara
about them and that it is a fun song and what not, and that from what I
understand, it is a brother and two sisters that formed the band. I
mention to Tara that the keyboard player is cute and she jumps right on
that like she did with Jessica and with Beth. Actually, the video reminds
me of Jessica with how the girls were rather tomboyish running around and
skating. Well, then the Hansons appear on the Rosie O'Donnell show and I
find out they are all guys! I act all shocked and upset to the people I'd
told I thought they were cute girls, but it doesn't bother me, being bi and
only Ron and Kenny knowing at the time. It is a funny story now that I
have told some friends though it isn't at the time. It has helped me
several times because when I get the hots for a guy I can say that I
thought it was a girl and that I have a history of not being able to tell.
In May we go to Tara's Prom and have a great time. After the dance we
all go to her friend's house for a sleep over. Tara and I get into a
little argument and don't talk the rest of the night until around seven in
the morning. She says I am always making fun of her and putting her down,
which I do, but just in fun. We are always knocking on each other in front
of friends, just a little ribbing, nothing ever too bad, and we both give
as much as we take.
I don't realize it hurts her as much as it did. Besides, she is always
ragging on me about Jessica and Beth and I am getting a little annoyed by
the frequent mentions of them, especially Jessica. That really doesn't
lead directly to our break up but the constant talk about Jess does keep
her in my mind and like I said, I am starting to believe that yes, I am in
love with her to a certain point. It is our first real argument and from
that point things suddenly and quickly fall apart.
I have a parade to march in with the band for Memorial day and then a
concert at the street festival and Tara is going to come meet me and watch
the show. Between the parade and concert, I am talking with Alisa and she
mentions that she had talked with Jessica's sister and that Jessica's
sister is afraid that Jess is gay because she doesn't have a boyfriend and
has no interest. Alisa says that she and Jess's sister had talked about
hooking me up with Jess and that the sister would talk with Jessica about
me and see what happens.
Shortly afterwards, Tara and I go to her grandma's house for a cookout
and then come back to my house for another with my family. I had gotten a
speeding ticket the week before and Mom had taken my license from me, so I
have to have Mom drive me out to Tara's. We have to stop at the store on
the way and as soon as we go in I feel something weird.
I can almost sense Jessica is there. I keep looking for her but can't
find her so I figure I am going crazy. We get to the checkout and I look
up and she is at the end of the aisle. I start feeling that we have a
connection and are meant to be together. This starts a very bad time for
me of obsession and depression. I have two shirts that describe it
exactly, "Some call it Stalking, I call it Love," and "No restraining order
can stop my love."
We get to Tara's grandmother's and we are at her cookout and things
are going okay but I keep thinking of Jess. When it is time for us to go
back to my house, Tara drives us in and it is a rather long and quiet ride.
I have a lot to think about and am a little short with her the rest of the
day. My head is still spinning from knowing Jessica was there in the store
and I'd somehow sensed it, and on top of that I've been getting sicker and
sicker all month and don't know what is going on which does not help, and
then with the conversation with Alisa, my patience is thin and my mind is
somewhere else at that point. The wheels start turning and I start looking
at Tara as something in my way to get Jessica. I treat her very badly that
day, almost the whole day, and when we go to my house, I almost ignore her
completely. Tara leaves about eight and when she calls to say she had made
it home, she says that it isn't fair the way I am treating her and she
doesn't need to put up with my shit and that she doesn't deserve it. Well
considering my thoughts about her blocking my way to Jessica that fits
right in with my desires so I tell her no she doesn't have to, and if she
doesn't like it she can hang up. We leave it at that and decide to meet
the next day after school.
So we get together at my house the next day after school and I break
up with her. I start to tell her that we are just growing apart and that
we should go out and see other people and all that bull shit. Mom comes in
and sees what is going on and sticks her nose in and that starts a big
fight with us. WW3 would be a walk in the park after this. Tara starts
crying really hard and I feel bad, but things are already in motion. We
take a walk and talk a bit with her trying to convince me not to leave her.
I won't listen to her and tell her we are done. My parents and her parents
get together that night and talk while Tara and I stand outside her house,
her crying and me trying to comfort her. We kiss one last time and she is
out of my life. It all happens so suddenly it comes as a bit of a shock to
me actually. One day we are madly in love and the next we are at each
other's throat. I can't help but think how the same thing happened between
James and me. And I can't help thinking that in both cases I'd gotten into
some hot and heavy sex before the breakup and have to wonder if that has
anything to do with it. About three weeks later she comes over to my house
much to my surprise, but I quickly find out why. She stays a while and
then rushes off, making a big point of telling me she'd met someone. So
much for everlasting love.
Tara is not my only break up the end of grade eleven. I'd been going
to the Methodist Church since the middle of grade nine, but I never was
into the religious bit and the only reasons that I kept going were Tara and
some of the fun things I got to do. Every Sunday I woke up early, got all
dressed up in a shirt and TIE, and sat and prayed and blah, blah, blah. I
went to Sunday School and signed some stupid contract about abstaining
until I was married. Guess that should have been a sign as to my
seriousness right there, LOL! I did have the normal guilt feeling of that
age about masturbation, and that is the only time I was really concerned or
let the bisexuality thing bother me. I hate religion. I always tell
people I am a recovering Catholic because when I was younger I would go
with my grandparents occasionally.
Religion is the number one gateway to psychosis known to man. It
poisons the mind and corrupts the soul. Somehow I am supposed to believe
that there is an invisible Man who lives in the sky with a special list of
things I can and can't do. If I follow this list, I am allowed to come and
live with Him in the clouds and play my harp, but if I don't listen to this
list, He will send me to a place of eternal hell, fire and damnation, yet
He LOVES me. The only way to control free- minded people is to make them
think what they are doing is wrong by using fear. The Bible was written by
men who feared losing control of the population, so you put fear in them
and can control them. And this is the STORY BOOK that religion is based
on. Not for me. I don't need somebody to tell me how to be a good person.
Okay, I'll step down from my soap box. I just have some real issues with
religion and they stem from my time at that church. They haven't heard the
last from me though. Muah-ha-ha-ha.
Anyway, I stop going that summer. Actually, I think in the Methodist
church they have some contest going to recruit people to churches and for
every fifteen people you get a toaster oven or something. Tara hooks up
with another guy that summer, some guy from the park, and the two really
seem to hit it off. I wonder if she got her toaster.
I get a Playstation which has a demo of Spyro the Dragon. I love that
game so I go out and buy the full version. Eric and I play it a lot along
with some of my wrestling games. I always sit on the couch under a blanket
with Eric in front of me on the floor playing the game. I usually rub
myself while he plays and of course being under the blanket he never
notices. One time we are wrestling on the couch and I roll his legs up
over his head and notice he isn't wearing underwear under his shorts. I
pull his shorts to the side with my foot, making it seem like an accident,
and get to see his five-year-old hiney hole. Another time we are sitting
on the floor together and we are wrestling around and I ask him if he knows
what a wedgie is. He of course doesn't and I tell him he is too young for
me to explain it and he will find out later. I know that will get him and
he starts bugging me about it. I tell him that I will show him and he gets
all excited. I grab his pants in the back and pull quite hard. I was
laughing so hard after that and he was rather pissed.
Breaking up with Tara gives me plenty of time to obsess over Jessica.
That summer I drive past her house every chance I have, I look at her
picture in the year book for hours while listening to REO Speedwagon's
"Keep on Loving You," "Can't Fight This Feeling," and "In My Dreams."
Those three songs really mean a lot to me and "In My Dreams" is really what
I would have considered being our song had we ever gotten together. I
write Jess's sister a letter. I am really into writing letters. We talk
also and I find out that Alisa mentioned me but nothing much was said. The
bitch had made up the whole thing about Jess's sister thinking of hooking
Jess and me up. That totally pisses me off. It seems like Alisa is at the
core of my breakups ever since I broke it off with her. The information
does not stop me from obsessing about Jessica however, which is basically
all I do all summer.
Summer band starts up again at the start of August. Kenny is still in
my section which immediately brings back memories of our trip to Florida,
but I get the worst group of people I have ever worked with. It is like in
Mr. Holland's Opus as he was trying to teach the football player rhythm on
the drum. These people have no sense of time and no idea what a straight
line is. We are a very high energy swing band with high knee lifts,
military type turns, and a very loud sound. During our pre-game, we had
140 people lined up in an end zone coming down the field in rows of 10.
How hard is it to hit with your right foot on step four and eight? Anyway,
practice goes on and my people are not getting any better. I am so fed up
and I just don't care anymore and give up. I had done it for four years
and this is my last year, so who gives a shit?
The whole ordeal with Jessica really grows into an obsession my senior
year. Having broken up with Tara the previous May, I am free to roam. It
gets to the point where I know everything about her. I know her full name,
birthday, Social Security Number, school ID number, locker combination, and
complete school schedule. I know where she is in the school at every
minute of the day. I have a very light schedule my senior year so I am
able to wander the halls during the day. This is before all the school
violence so we are allowed to just wander without hall passes. I keep a
log of what she wore every day, a list of the school sports she is involved
in and how she places. I know the VIN number on her car by memory.
I always make sure to walk to class in the direction that I know she
would be coming from.
As she lives right around the corner from me, I am able to keep even
better tabs on her. It is a really interesting time in my life. I never
do get caught with any of my "stalking." That should not be a surprise.
Alisa was a very good teacher.
Finally one Tuesday after school as we are getting ready to watch the
tape of our last week's performance, Kenny comes up to me and after a bit
of small talk, he asks, "you remember what happened in the hotel room in
Florida?"
My dick gives a little twitch as he asks, and I respond, "yeah, I
remember everything about the trip."
"You remember what you promised me?"
"I do."
"You still willing to go through with it?"
"Of course. When will work for you?"
"How about today, if that's okay for you?"
"Sure. Follow me home. The rents won't be there."
"I probably wouldn't return the favor."
I don't care. We walk the four blocks to my house, go up to my
bedroom, and I tell him to go ahead and pull his pants down. He does and
sits on my bed with his dick sticking straight up waiting for his first
blow job. I stroke him a few times, play with his balls, and notice a bit
of slickness on his dick. I am not sure if it is some lube left from the
last time he jacked off, or if it is sweat from the day. I take him in my
mouth and swirl my tongue around a few times and start licking up and down.
His dick is the same size as mine as I said earlier, and I love it. His is
the first dick that I can actually try, and succeed at, deep throating. I
have very good control of my gag reflex. I suck him for about 10 minutes
and start getting a cramp so I stop.
"So that is the basics of a blow job," I say as I stand up.
"Thanks," he replies, his voice a bit husky, and he starts pulling his
pants up.
"You going to leave?"
"Yeah."
"You going to go home and jack off?"
"Yeah."
"You can stick around and do it here if you want. I'll drive you to
band practice." We always have practice Tuesday nights at the stadium for
practice on a real field.
So I drop my pants to my ankles like Kenny and sit down beside him and
we stroke ourselves off right next to each other, occasionally touching
arms we are so close. We blow on our other hand and then lick it off.
After we are done, he leans in to give me a kiss but I pull away and tell
him that it is nothing personal but I just don't kiss guys. I'm glad he'd
come over though.
I get my first introduction to the Internet in November. Mom gets us
a Webtv system and we all think we are big shit. It is not long before I
get into the habit of waiting for the rents to go to bed and then start
surfing. I quickly discover the wonderful world of news groups, and that
you can find absolutely anything you want to on a news group if you know
how to look. If you had a fetish for fat Chinese girls with fu man choo's
hanging upside down from a window sucking a dead horse with roses in its
mouth, you could probably find a news group devoted to that. I wind up
with a pretty good collection of pics that I print out and keep in my
closet for later use. The bad thing about Webtv is that it has no hard
drive, thus no memory. You can bookmark pages, but that is it. I quickly
learn the ins and outs of the news group mazes, which with Webtv are free,
and happily explore the new fascinating world of porn. I read stories and
different articles about sexual preferences and realize that there are a
lot of guys like me and that being bi is ok. That is really when I first
think about my sexual orientation seriously and accept the fact that I am
bi and that what I've been doing is more than just exploring and having
fun.
Of course I still use my lottery list of names of people whose
assorted body parts I've seen or with whom I've done stuff to come up with
jack off fantasies. I have a dream where I am in a pit with about thirty
of my other friends, male and female, and we are forced to pair off and
have sex. I chart this out and list thirty people and then pair them up
and jerk thinking about the dream and the people I randomly paired up.
December I finally send Jess a letter that tells her how I feel about
her and asks her to call me. She does and we talk for about five minutes.
She says she remembers playing some sports with us but not too much. She
doesn't really know me and basically isn't willing to even try to get to
know me. That sends me into a real depression and I stop eating. Even
knowing that she isn't interested in the slightest, it takes a long time
for my obsession to fade.
It is probably the best thing to happen to me though because January
we find out about me having Crohn's Disease, an inflammatory bowel
disorder, the reason I'd been feeling so weak and sick the end of my junior
year. I spend the rest of the month discovering the wonderful world of
colonoscopies. Talk about a pain in the ass! Then I spend all of February
making up work and trying to stay on top of my studies. I have my nose
shoved so far up my Physics teacher's ass I can tell what she is having for
lunch before she eats it. I go on Prednisone and shoot up to over 150
pounds, the most I have ever weighed. I'd been writing by snail mail and
then when we got the net, off and on by Email to the girl I'd met at the
April Christian Rock festival, the part Cherokee, and when I tell her about
being diagnosed with Crohn's she is really upset and worried. My last
Email I write is in March to tell her I won't be going to Ichthus that year
because of my health and school requirements. I never responded to her
last email so she probably thinks I died or something.
That March I find out the guy Tara had met up with in the park had
treated her like shit right from the start and had ended up getting her
knocked up and had then dropped her. It had been a typical rebound. I'd
figured that right from the start, the day she'd surprisingly dropped in
and then had to rush off after telling me she'd met someone. I am shocked,
but I know I shouldn't be after what we had done. I'm still in my little
obsession phase over Jess but I still care about Tara and I feel bad for
her. At first when I heard the jerk had left her, I had hoped we could get
back together but I'm not too thrilled with kids, babies at least, so that
does kind of play on my decision not to try seeing her.
For spring break my senior year, I and my suitcase of pills (I'm
taking fifteen pills a day at that point) go on a trip with the choir to
New York City. Wonderful town, wonderful trip, wonderful group of people.
I am hoping Jessica will be going since she is in the choir, but she
doesn't. I am in the pit band of the show choir and so is Kevin, the cute
kid from my section, and his best friend, Shawn, who is also from my
section. We are all going to be in the same room with Ray, a Junior in the
show choir. I am so excited that I am going to be sharing a room with
Kevin that I jack off thinking about it every day leading up to the trip.
I am very disappointed when he changes rooms at the last minute, but at
least I am still going to be with Shawn and Ray.
Ray is the poster child for Ritalin. I think he was dropped on his
head a few times or something. He is just fucking weird. Short black
hair, brown eyes, 5'8", 150 pounds and very well built, he is a lifeguard
at the park. The boy has so much energy it makes you tired just sitting
with him. Then he will calm down and just sit for ten minutes pointing his
fingers like guns at his feet. Suddenly he goes "bang" really loud like he
shot his foot and snaps out of his trance and is back to himself. There
are also times he will point his "guns" at somebody and again, "bang!" I
mean this kid is messed up. He is a good guy though, very trustworthy.
He has no concern when it comes to nudity. He and I have roomed
together before and I really don't remember a time when I didn't see either
his ass or dick coming out of or going into the bathroom. We even shared a
bed on one of the trips, we both being secure enough to not let it bother
us. I woke up around three a.m. with him pressed against my back and
grinding into me. That time he was asleep and had me shoved clear to the
edge of the bed.
I'd rather enjoyed it and quite honestly I am hoping we might have a
repeat performance on this trip, but not in his sleep.
Shawn is another cutie, just not to the extent of Kevin. He has dark
brown hair and brown eyes and is about 5'10" and 140 pounds. He has a
darker complexion, and I think is of Austrian ancestry. Kevin and Shawn
had gotten into a bit of a fight over a girl a short time ago and I had
gotten to hear all the details of how much bigger (down there) Shawn is
than Kevin. I would have offered my services to compare the two, but
unfortunately it never came to that. I had gotten to see Shawn's dick once
in the boy's room while I was roaming the halls this year. I didn't see
much because I didn't want it to be obvious, but what I saw was nice and
I'm hoping for a better view on this trip.
As it turns out nothing too exciting happens in New York City. I do
get to see Shawn's ass when he moons the city out of our window the first
night. Very cute ass. One night, the phone rings and I answer it. I am
sitting on the one bed and Shawn and Ray are on the other bed. The phone
is for Shawn so I lean over Ray to hand it to him. I look down and there
is his dick sticking up through the fly in his boxers. I stare for a
minute, absorbing every detail, and then tell him he better put it away,
hoping of course for just the opposite. I don't know how you can have your
dick hanging out and not know it. I know where mine is and what it is
doing at every minute of the day.
Now had it been Kevin I'd probably have offered to tuck it away for
him. Kevin is a little taller than I am, about 5'10", 140 pounds, and so
cute it would melt you. His eyes are what always get to me. He just has
to flash his big blue eyes at me, say "hey Spency," the nickname he came up
for me, and I will roll over and do anything he asks. It kind of makes me
feel good when he calls me that, kind of like I am accepted into his little
group. How the others never figure out that I want him I have no idea,
unless they are just being nice or using my infatuation with him to their
advantage. That boy could get me to do anything and the boy knew it.
Unfortunately his brother is the gay one and he is very straight.
His brother Pete is a real bastard. He was in the grade ahead of me
through school, same as Alisa and Kay. They are all friends, not great
friends but they talk. He had been in my section my freshmen year, as I
mentioned earlier, but moved to tuba the next year, thank God. Pete is
another closet case that doesn't keep the door closed very tightly.
Everybody knew he was gay but he just wouldn't admit it while he was going
to school. Finally when he graduated last June he came out and told Kevin
and the rest of his family. Kevin is really freaked about having a gay
brother and I really don't blame him. If I had a brother that looked like
Kevin, I would have been all over him. After Pete came out Kevin still
joked about him and made fun of him around the guys, but when he and I
talked alone he told me he's accepted it and is fine with Pete being gay.
Like I said, everyone opens up to me when alone.
Shawn really surprises me on this trip. While Ray sleeps, we talk
about the usual stuff, school and relationships, how much fun we are having
in New York, and what we will be doing the rest of the week. He and I have
some real heart to heart talks and discuss some deep things besides, like
what we are planning on doing after we graduate (he has two more years to
go after I graduate), the problems we had in our section the previous year,
and things like that. It is a great time and I really enjoy talking with
him. We watch South Park, the one with the mad genetic scientist making
all of the animals with four asses. We laugh so hard at some of the stupid
things going on. I am very close to telling him that I am bi and have a
huge crush on Kevin but back out at the last minute. There are only the
two beds in the room and I offer to let him share mine if he wants to, but
he turns me down and takes the floor. I am just being nice, no other
intentions. He and I still have a very good relationship. We can be
serious or just have fun and laugh. That is the way I have always been
with friends. When we get together just the two of us, they really open up
to me and confide in me.
In June we are at our vet's and I spot this Fox Terrier. She had been
abused in her last home and the clinic had to take her. The poor thing is
underweight and has a ring around her neck where her previous owners had
her leash on too tight. Well we adopt her on the spot, sort of an early
graduation present. The Humane Society named her Cookie and have had her
for so long, she is used to the name. I keep the name but change it to
Kookie just to give it a twist and something personal. It confuses them at
the vet because they always look for a C in the computer and I always have
to tell them it is with a K. She is very frightened and timid and won't
eat so I begin to feed her anything that she'll accept, cookies, snack
cakes, mac and cheese, fast food, anything at all to get her strength back.
I graduate around seventy-fifth out of more than two hundred, not
great but not horrible. In that I am planning on taking saxophone lessons
at the University of Akron and my saxophone being a piece of shit, I go to
Indiana and get a brand new, Yamaha Custom series Alto Saxophone. This
costs us thirty-five hundred dollars and is like the Rolls Royce of Yamaha
saxophones. Tara graduates from her school too, but her big college plans
are shot what with her pregnancy.
One of my most daring public jerk offs is the beginning of that summer
before my nineteenth birthday. Alisa is going to attend summer school at
Akron and having taken the orientation classes and tours in that I was
enrolled at Akron for the fall, I know where everything is and where to
park. So, I go up with her and her family to help her move in. It's been
around five years since we broke up and we've gotten over it. While we are
there we decide to go for a swim in a small lake, a pond actually, in a
state park campground in NE Ohio, and I just decide to do it in the pond.
So I go off to the side and go for it. It doesn't take long to finish off.
I get out a short time later and go to the showers with Alisa's younger
brother Jimmy who is about four years younger and whom I have a slight
thing for that summer for a while, more as a conquest than anything else.
I watch him from around the shower curtain and shoot another load. He has
blond hair which he keeps very short and is five foot seven, 140 pounds,
solidly built, and tough as nails. I never do get around to doing anything
with him.
That summer I begin my saxophone lessons at the University of Akron
and I concentrate on keeping my health up and on my music. I go up on
Thursday for my lesson and spend the day before and after my lesson with
Alisa in the student center making fun of people and exploring the campus.
It is good because I plan on attending the university the upcoming year and
so I get to learn the campus before I get there. Before I know it summer is
over and I'm off to Akron and a new life.