Date: Wed, 20 Apr 2016 19:13:35 -0600
From: Matt G <xx20.i1.xiii13@gmail.com>
Subject: I'm In Control Part 2 (gay/high school)

Disclaimer!!

I talk about some pretty heavy and probably controversial shit, mostly
because I'm a pretty morbid person and enjoy black comedy, though
admittedly, I'm not sure what constitutes as controversial in this
community. But, just a warning.

I don't like writing a story beginning to end in from A to B. There's gonna
be a lot of jumping around, I'll always come back to an unfinished part,
though.

I enjoy feedback and comments. Feel free to shoot me an email. I can be
reached at XX20.I1.XIII3@gmail.com

Flames ignored.

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I'm In Control Part 2

-------

There were times we didn't have water to shower or soap to wash clothes
with. There were times we were stuck in the freezing cold because the
heater wasn't working, even times we didn't have food and the water was
shut off.

I often wonder why CYFD never took Jack and I away. I'm sure we'd have been
better in adopted home. God, I don't fucking know.

See, the problem with having a drug addicted, alcoholic, mentally ill
mother was that no matter how much I hated her; and I fucking hated her
more than Jews hate Hitler, but even with all of that hate, I still
couldn't bring myself to let go of her. I didn't love her - not as she
was. I loved the idea of what a mother should be, what she could be. She
alienated me since birth, and I never truly got to know any part of her
completely. But... there were these moments hidden in my memory that would
pop up with a certain smell or some familiarity. The few times I saw her
genuinely smile at me. Every time those thoughts came up, I just... melted.

And then, I would snap.

**It wasn't fair!

It's all gods fault!

What is wrong with me!? Why doesn't she love me!? - No! Fuck her!

 I should run away! - No, I wish she'd never come back!

I wish I'd never fucking been born! I wish she had an abortion like she
SHOULD have!

She hates me. She fucking hates me.

I want to die...**

It always ended the same. I always concluded that I was a useless piece of
trash in her eyes. A mistake. Fuck, could I blame her? I'm the unwanted
result of a one night stand that was a deranged attempt to find some sort
of closure for her former husband's death. I wasn't even like Jack and
Ryan, I had a completely different parent. A whole fucking half of me
wasn't like them! I was never wanted by her. I'm sure I was just a reminder
of what she was feeling back then.

There were times I'd stare at a full bottle of antipsychotics or
painkillers with a full gallon of cheap vodka sitting next to me on my
bed. And if it wasn't for my brothers, I'd have done it. If I was an only
child, I would be six feet in the ground, absolutely no doubt about it.

I think my heart finally dissolved completely when everything with Paul
surfaced. I may be looking too much into this, but not once did she tell me
I was alright, that I was safe. She said she was sorry. That's it. I'm so
sorry this happened. When Jack woke up, she coddled the living fuck out of
him. Maybe I was being selfish, he did almost die... I don't know. I was
nine years old and I never felt safe around my mother. No, I only felt safe
around my older brothers.

I couldn't resent Jack because the first thing he said when he woke up was
a hardly coherent "Is Luca okay?"

He always thought about me.

Before I even knew about my brother and Kyle - which I was still incredibly
weirded out about - I knew my brother was like me. As in; not normal. Not
that being gay or bi isn't normal, but we just weren't fucking normal. We
were scarred and didn't have the typical older/younger brother
dynamic. He'd always been overprotective of me and gave me everything I
wanted. If he couldn't get it, he'd steal it. I could ask him to kill
someone and he'd do it.

Jack had a special connection to me and I with him before the whole Paul
bullshit. He was my safety blanket as a small boy, something that made my
unbearably difficult early years much easier to deal with because my mom
didn't want to own up to the fact that she was the reason I was so fucked
up when I was born.

I was born addicted to meth and prescription drugs. I was premature, very
small and very susceptible to dying at any given moment. I don't know if
she thought I was going to be a normal kid after all she put inside of her
body while pregnant, but she was more frustrated and sick of me than she
was worried. I was a screamer, I couldn't hold anything in my stomach, I
hated being touched, I hated sound, I hated light...

Some of those things I still carry with me to this day. They call it
Sensory Integration Disorder... or Perception, I can't remember. It's like
having super vision and super hearing - cool, right?

Wrong.

Everything, and I mean every fucking thing made me uncomfortable, scared me
and sometimes just wanting to die. As a goddamn child. (Back then it was
more like "I don't wanna be here.")

Any change in scenery made me panic because I didn't process sight by
seeing one or just a few things and then noticing things by looking around,
no, I processed every fucking thing at once. Someone opened a door to a new
place? Boom, I saw it all at once and my brain was practically melting
trying to process this. I would notice things people never look for or even
think about like the slight discoloration of a fucking shoelace. And don't
even get me started on colors. In school, all those bright colors and
wonderfully cutesy bullshit was the most distracting thing in the world. A
giant fucking blue wall with large cardboard crayons of all different
colors and the pictures lining the top of the walls, the contrasting chalk
board and whiteboard next to it. It literally is as distracting as shining
a flashlight in in your face from several directions while you're supposed
to be focusing on something else.

Oh, I wish that was the only thing. As with sight was the same with
sounds. I had more migraines than a man with a brain tumor. I never slept
if it rained. And I still don't.

My sense of touch was heightened. One of the reasons I can't sleep when it
rains is because when it does, there's so much going on, these drops
hitting my skin at very cold temperatures, the sound of them slapping
against a million different surfaces and the sight of splashing and
dripping and millions of drops. Ugh, I fucking hate it. It physically hurt
if I stood in the rain.

Unless the shirt was tight or I had a tight undershirt, I couldn't wear a
fucking shirt because the friction was so uncomfortable - I would actually
get rashes. Shorts were out of the question mostly. I used to hate blankets
of all things. It was just everything... probably sounds like I'm being
entitled, but I don't really know how to explain just how bad it was back
then when I didn't understand what was wrong with me and why I was so
sensitive. It made me fucking mad.

I wouldn't realize that my love for getting fucked was a part of my SID
until later in life when I was actually diagnosed. I don't know what the
sense is called but it deals with muscles like when you stretch or get
squeezed or even punched. My sense of that was dulled down which explains
why I wanted to constantly be in tight spots or be held. Not held - fucking
squeezed. I straight up liked being roughhoused; slammed into walls,
punched in the arms, being sat on... having huge cocks inside me and being
outright pounded.

It was that and a chemical imbalance in my brain that delayed or just never
released the chemical that makes you sleepy and satisfied after an
orgasm. I was a premature ejaculator - obviously. I came in seconds
sometimes and I had no need for resting periods most of the time. I could
orgasm five-six times in a row before I finally felt that sleepiness and my
cock would finally soften.

The absolute worst thing ever to ever happen ever was in my teenage years,
getting random boners.

My dick is big. I like tight clothes. My skin is sensitive.

Yes. You guessed it. I wore Ryan's sweaters to school because it happened
at least once a week. I just abruptly left class every time it happened -
nobody knew why.  I'd have to go to the restroom, pull it out and just
brace myself and wait until it was done doing it's thing. I didn't mind so
much if I was alone or with my friends because most of the time it would
lead into some sort of sex - fine by me. But this was an issue when I
started driving.

I'm sure you can imagine why.

Along with a slew of mental conditions and a former, long term rape victim,
my views on sex and sexuality were so fucking skewed that I'm surprised I
didn't stick my dick into every human I met. I did get in some trouble in
high school, mostly because I craved older men sometimes (not over 35 back
then) and I seduced my PE coach. That was a fun few fucks, but it became
complicated when I started fucking his youngest son without knowing who he
was. Fun times.

Anyways, when I smoked, a lot of these things were toned down, especially
my sensitive touch. I could have sex somewhat normally if I was on top. But
nothing could make getting fucked the most pleasurable feeling in the
world.

I used to be so ashamed that I began to enjoy it with Paul, but I now know
why I did.

There was a time after the whole Paul incident where both Jack and I just
craved each other in an inappropriate (to most) way. There was a time in my
life that I outright thought I was in love with my own brother and he was
in the same position.

We grew out of that eventually, but it didn't stop us from being just
outright horny for each other. Jack fucked me. A lot.

I'll always say that I lost my virginity to Kyle simply because I don't
count anything related to that disgusting uncle, and he was the reason Jack
and I fucked at all.

But, I digress.

Those aforementioned disorders made my life pretty difficult, and if I were
completely honest, I think Jack protected me just for those reasons and I
think he had such an urge to coddle me (because both he and Ryan definitely
did) that he knew how hyper sexual I was and how much I loved the
sensations and gave them to me. I love Jack and he loves me, and that love
is definitely stronger than a sibling connection. I'm not IN love with
him...

Trust me, I know how fucked up this all is, but Jack is the person who
turns me on the absolute most. Just seeing him naked puts me in a haze and
when we did start having sex again, it was unlike any sex.

Kyle knew how to make me last and make it feel good. Caleb... well, Caleb
was the only person that could keep up with my libido and our sex was
different every time. Urgent, passionate, loving... and he was the absolute
best at fucking me roughly without restraining because of what happened.

Sex with Jack was the most intense sex. He fucked me with all the intensity
of his emotions. It was an angry, wild and primal thing. He fucked me to
vent his anger and his pain, and it was the same for me. He'd pin me down,
hold my head into the bed, he one time slammed my face into a wall so hard
that my upper eyebrow split. I'm talking hate sex. It was not uncommon for
Jack to lose it like he was fighting and just cry angry tears. And it
wasn't uncommon for him to stop in the middle of it all and hold me and
apologize to me over and over for hurting me, which it did fucking
hurt. And I'd fucking hurt him back. Claw his skin or punch him if he was
hurting me too bad, and that would open up a whole other side of him. He'd
pin my arms down and leave bruises.

And you know what?

I

Loved

It.

Because I finally felt something, and I knew he did too. I knew exactly why
he was so angry. I knew exactly why he was hurting me. We were more in tune
with each other than radios on the same station. He tried so hard to
protect me and hide his emotions so he could be the strong older brother,
but I saw into his fucking soul. I knew him on a level nobody could ever -
EVER get to, and it was the exact same thing for him.


The very first time it happened outside of a pedo's supervision was about
six months after Jack's head injury. I was nine then, he was eleven or
twelve depending on the month.

Whatever.

Mom was gone, Ryan was being investigated. We were alone for several days
without much sustenance and the world just came crashing down on Jack. He
was in the corner of our room, smashing his fist and his forehead into the
wall, just screaming "fuck you" over and over. I mean, his knuckles were
bleeding. I think I'd just gotten home from school, I can't remember, but I
stood at the doorway just frozen in fear. In awe because I'd never seen him
break down like this. He noticed me, his face turned red and he yelled;
"get the fuck out" and shoved me backward, slamming the door shut, punching
the door so hard that it splintered a bit.

I was terrified.

I couldn't leave, I didn't know where to go. I was just nine, six months
out from trauma. I didn't understand anything anymore. I thought he was
going to kill me, and in a panic, I hid.

I hid in the greatest most secretive place ever.

Mom's closet.

I was in there until it was dark out and he had trashed our room and hit
things for at least two hours. What he was doing the rest of the time, I
don't know. There I was, wide-eyed, hugging my knees, crying and shaking
the whole fucking time. It was awful. And he found me. His eyes were
bloodshot, knuckles bleeding, scratches everywhere, forehead red as
fuck. His shirt was gone, I can only imagine he tore it off. When he saw
me, he broke down. Jaw quivering, and eyes squinting.

He knelt, I flinched back, and then he did too. I think he realized what
that meant.

We both flinched when Paul so much as looked at us.

Jack had never put hands on me outside of boyish roughing around.

He was bawling, and his head rested against the edge of the door. He really
thought he had turned into Paul.

He kept on saying sorry and he loved me and he needed me and he'd never
hurt me again...

This - fucking - guy!

My top blew right the fuck off.

I lunged at his ass and gave him a fucking shiner on his cheek and on the
opposite eye, wailing on him and getting at least four good hits after I
tackled him until he grabbed my arms. I was out for fucking blood, man. I
lifted my knee and dropped it down on his chest as hard as I could,
slipping to the side and kneeing him again in his ribs.

Jack had enough! He fucking yanked me up and straight out threw me onto
mom's bed by my arms. He tried to pin my chest with his hand and I just did
the best move boys do when they lose control. Flail. I don't know how he
did it but he managed to get me in a bear hug and lock my legs between his
knees. I was still screaming at him, spitting everywhere and yelling in
complete frustration at not being able to do anything about that situation.

I eventually tired myself out and just layed there crying angry tears. I
wouldn't look at him.

He warned me that he'd knock me out if I tried to hit him again when he
started to loosen his hold. I think his exact words were: "You hit me again
and I'll slam your fucking face into a fucking curb, you fucking baby." And
he was not joking. Obviously that just translated into 'I'll punch you in
the face till you fall asleep.' These kinds of threats were the norm, he
even got them from Ryan when he was pissed.

I just said; "I hate you."

He was still on top of me and after a few moments, I finally looked at him
and he had this mixture of self loathing, hopelessness and hate all in
one. "Take that back." He said between clenched teeth. It wasn't anger, it
was desperation.

I looked away.

He shook my shoulders. "Take it back!!" He yelled, so angry, so
desperate. He didn't want to believe it.

It wasn't true, obviously. I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me.

His got in my face and screamed it. "TAKE IT BACK!!"

Screamed it. His face and shoulders were red and his voice strained. My
ears rang. The way he looked so broken, you'd think I died. Tears dripping
all over me...

I wanted to hold my ground... I really did.

He seemed to lose his strength and rested his forehead against mine,
hiccuping and sobbing, begging me in a low, desperate plea. Just; "Take it
back... please... I'm sorry... please don't hate me. Please..."

He did the only thing he knew how to do to get on someone's good side in an
emotionally tense situation like this where he felt he'd lose everything.

If he made Paul mad, the man would take it out on me. To prevent that, he
would sob and beg him to forgive him, rub his pants and try to kiss him.

It was so wrong and so pathetic on both our parts. I couldn't protect
myself and he had to whore himself to a sick man just to protect me.

He kissed my cheek and kissed my lips...

And it made me sick.

I placed my hands on his ches and pushed. "Stop... no, stop." He was
convinced this was going to work and didn't stop until I actually freaked
out and thought he was gonna... "Jack!  You're scaring me!" I managed to
wiggle out from under him. "I'm not him!"

He was stunned at that comment.

My resolve crumbled and now it was me who thought I was gonna lose him,
that he was gonna change into my worst nightmare. "I take it back! I don't
hate you! I don't!"

He was lost in his own thoughts, questioning himself, I could just see
it. I punched his chest to get his attention. "I don't hate you!"

He shook his head in sheer confusion and disbelief at himself. "I'm
sorry... I don't wanna hurt you."

"You're not gonna hurt me, retard. You were gonna treat me like him!" God,
my voice was nearly gone.

"Luke, I'm sorry... I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm fucking sick."
He admitted very lowly.

"Shut up." He looked at me confused. "I don't care if you fuck me, just not
like that!" I snapped.

"What?" He did a double take. "What the fuck Luke, you should care! That's
fucked!"

"Why?" I honestly didn't think anything was wrong with it. I liked it when
he did it to me instead of Paul.

"Because! We're brothers!"

I rolled my eyes. "Not like we haven't done it before."

"What is this, do you want me to fuck you? To treat you like he treated
us?"

"No? It's you that wants to fuck me!"

He blanched and furrowed his eyebrows. "W-what? No I don't!"

I rolled my eyes again. "Whatever. Get off me."

"No! Why did you say that?"

"I'm not dumb." I sardonically replied. "Seriously, if you're gonna do it,
do it. If not, get off me!"

He clenched his jaw. His hand shook and he grabbed a fistful of my
shirt. "You want me treat you like he did, then I fucking will!" He was
yanking at my shirt, pulling it over my head so that my arms were raised
and it covered my face.

My heart raced because I knew I wanted this as bad as he did. And he knew
it too. I just lied to get him to do it. And he knew.

His gingers dug into my pants and underwear and he just fucking yanked them
down to my ankles and tugged them and my shoes off all at once. I heard him
take his pants off.

"You're a fucking liar." He shakily said. "You're fucking dick is hard." I
heard him spit. He grabbed my thighs right near the back of my knees and
pushed my legs as far as they would go. I grunted at that roughness. "Admit
it. You want my cock." He breathed angrily. His dick was wet when it
touched my hole. "Admit it!" His voice was an animal growl.

"Yes!" I was practically begging.

Without pause or warning, he just pushed all the way in with one
unapologetically angry thrust.

"AHH!!" Oh it was insane. I had to pull the shirt completely off to try and
stop him from thrusting once he started. "Ahh! Fuuck!!" I was growling in
pain and writhing under his hips. He went harder and faster, my ass was on
fire and I was yelling. At one point, he went back in so rough that I
kicked him off. He just smothered me, smashing his lips into mine and I was
kissing him back just as hard. He slid right back in while on top of me so
I bit his lip and scratched the fuck out of his back. His back arched and
he grabbed my forearms and pinned them on the sides.

It was so sudden but that pain, it wasn't like any other pain I can
describe. That stretching was painful but it turned me the fuck on. The way
my arms were pulled out and being held down forcefully just felt good. I
didn't like the whole novelty of getting fucked by someone stronger than
me, I wasn't into the whole "please fuck me harder daddy" bullshit because
I had the alpha male mentality too. When I was on top, I was in charge all
the way and they're getting fucked exactly how I wanna fuck them.

This... this just felt good. That's what it was all about. I loved getting
fucked because I loved being held and stretched and thrown into things. I
let them take control so I could feel those sensations.

Yeah, I'm fucked up. What did you expect?

Neither of us came. He just humped until he fell on top of me and just
couldn't anymore. He legit stepped on top of me while my knees were
practically on my shoulders. Even crazier, I fucking fell asleep. His soft
dick was still inside me when we woke up.

We inspected the damage we did to each other and laughed about it.

They say boys resolve things with fists. After they fight, they're best
friends.

I guess you could say the same for us.

It wasn't like that all the time. Sometimes he just fucked me like
normal. Just watching tv and he'd wanna fuck me. Hop in the shower with me
cause he wanted to fuck me. And I let him. Even if I wasn't in the mood, I
let him because I knew he liked it.

But, it felt random and I honestly felt betrayed a little bit when Jack
announced he was leaving and that he'd still be back once and a while.

He gave me a short half hug and said "love you, bro. See you later."

Like, what the fuck...

To say I resented him for that would be an understatement. I mean, after
Ryan left a few months later, Jack did support me, and I'll always be
grateful. But I was just left emotionally stunted. Like everyone just up
and left, only mom came home for maybe a week or two out of the month, and
we didn't even talk to each other.

For four fucking years this went on.

I was thirteen and irritated because both Kyle and Caleb were at a
party. It was storming out and they knew that storms + people and liquor
was a bad idea for me. I was tired anyways.

I came home before the rain started and just saw Jack sitting on the couch
in his underwear with a bowl of cereal and a tv show on like he lived
there. He nodded his chin and I rose my eyebrow, shook my head and went to
my room.

Why the fuck was he here unannounced?

Furthermore! Why the fuck didn't he even ask if I was good with the storm!?
Not saying I was entitled to that, but he normally did. He would've fucking
held me even if I didn't want him to.

And he wasn't even gonna sleep in our bed. I waited, and when the tv turned
off and he didn't come in after the bathroom, I just huffed angrily. Fuck
him then.

But fuck if I could sleep.

It was storming horribly, all that month, actually. I couldn't sleep, my
mind kept on imagining the feeling of that rain and win on my skin and I
was so uncomfortable it made me mad.

Eventually, I howled in frustration, throwing the blankets off of me and
sitting up on the bed. I was mad at my mind I was mad at Jack for not
sleeping with me, especially during a storm!

Though, his life didn't revolve around me... I dunno. I would've stayed for
him if I knew he didn't like storms.

Whatever.

Jack opened the door to what used to be our room and then I got mad at him
for avoiding me in the first place.

"Luke what's wrong?" He was just in underwear, rubbing his eyes sleepily
and I had to force myself to look away.

"Nothing. Leave me alone." I practically snapped.

He gave me a confused look. "You alright?"

"Yes!" I hissed irately.

"Chill out Luca, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Well I'm fine, so leave me alone!"

He shook his head in confusion. "Oh-kay mister puberty."

I ground my teeth and grabbed the nearest object on my dresser - a baseball
- and threw it at him as he turned his back.

"Ahh! Fuck!" He spun and glared at me. "What the fuck!"

"Fucking dick."

"Are you kidding me!?" He picked up the baseball. He cocked his arm back, I
flinched, and he threw it into the wall beside him. "Fucking talk to me
when your period's over!"

"Fuck off!" I sneered, flipping him off. "Don't wanna talk to you anyways."

"Good!" He gave an exaggerated shrug. "So now you can shut the fuck up."

"You know what! Get the fuck out of my room you fucking puss!"

"Are you fucking retarded? You can't kick me out of my own room!"

"Your room!?" My eyes widened in fury. "It's not your room anymore!! You up
and left, remember? So now it's mine! You can leave now!"

The anger drained from his face. I could tell I hurt his feelings. But it
came back fairly quickly. "You know what? Fuck you, Luca! Fuck you!!" He
slammed the door so hard, a framed Star Wars poster fell off the wall.

I huffed and puffed indignantly, cussing him out in my head and replaying
the fight.

God damn. I was a prick.

Woah.

I was kind of in shock with myself. We'd fought a lot, and sometimes it was
way worse than just some yelling, but generally, we had something to be mad
at to start a fight. I didn't this time.

I heard him rummaging around out there, and a zip from his backpack.

Now he was leaving again.

I leaned the side of my head against the wall with a sigh. Now he was never
coming back. He walked back toward our room and shoved it
open. "Jack... I'm sorry." He ignored me, yanking the mirror closet door
open and shifting through it roughly before pulling a jacket so hard, the
hangar snapped and grabbed his hat off the dresser and put it on. "Jack!
I'm sorry! I'm just-"

"A little bitch?" He sneered.

My eyes watered a bit. I deserved that. I just turned and stared at the
wall through my blurry eyes.

I heard him throw the jacket on and pull his backpack on.

"Will... you at least come back?" I meekly asked.

He paused for a moment.

I glanced back at him and he had a reluctant look on his face.

He sighed lightly and rolled his eyes, dropping his backpack and walking to
the bed. He sat down and pulled the back of my head into his jacket.

"S-sorry." I said softly.

"You fucking irritate me." He smacked the side of my head. "You gotta tell
me what's going on."

"The rain." I admitted with a blush.

He nodded knowingly. "That all?"

I thought about it, wondering if I really wanted to tell him or not. If
probably just come off as a baby.

"Luca?"

I decided to anyways. "Why don't you sleep here anymore?" I nearly
whispered.

I could feel him tighten just a bit.

"You just... left." I added. "I miss you."

 "Luca... you know why."

"Why?"

He sighed. "Because. What we were doing wasn't healthy."

"That's a stupid reason." I pouted softly.

"But it's not." He countered. "We're not... normal."

"So what?" I challenged. "I know I'm not normal."

"Yeah, but..." He sighed. "It's just not right, okay?"

I shook my head. "No, it's not okay." I pushed off of him and glared. "I
can't talk about it with anyone else, and you avoid me like I'm some sort
of disease-" he reached to pull me back in. "-no!" I pushed his arms
away. "Are you embarrassed of me? Do you hate me?"

"I don't hate you, Luca." He defended. "It's just... It's just that I don't
wanna mess you up anymore than I did." He shook his head. "I used to leave
you bruises... I was hurting you."

I shoved him. "I'm already messed up! And you weren't hurting me any more
than I wanted to be hurt!"

He gave me a sharp, surprised look. "Luca - what?"

"I like it! I like when we're like that and you hurt me and I hurt
you. That's the only time you're honest with me!"

His eyebrows rose in a bit of shock.

"You pretend like you never let anything bother you." I added softly. "I
don't want that. I needed you to be angry so I knew I wasn't the only one
because that's all I feel most of the time." I sniffed a bit, hating that I
had to be so up front. "So I know I'm not alone..."

He pulled me back into his jacket. "Look, I'm sorry. I just- I thought you
would be normal if... if I left. What we did, it was just gonna hurt you in
the long run."

"Jack, I was fucked by a grown fuckin' man when I was six! I'll be hurting
for the rest of my life! I don't have anybody cuz you left!"

"I know, I know." He said softly.

"And you know what? Who fucking cares if they think it's wrong! I love when
you fuck me! There! I said it!" I called out. "I love when you're naked and
when you're on top of me and your dick is inside me and you're holding me
down!"

"You have Caleb, and Kyle." Jack countered.

"Yeah... but they're not you." I muttered. "You're different." I layed my
head against his jacket. "You make me feel... you make me feel
like... like-"

"I know." Jack cut in lowly. "You make me feel the same way. And that
scares me. What if... we fall in love?"

I shrugged. "Then we fall in love. Who cares?"

He looked down at me with a thoughtful look crossing his face.

"Please?" I said softly. I turned and kneeled up to his level, nose just
inches away from his. "Fuck me like you used to."

"Luke... I..." He paused.

My forehead rested on his. He was shuddering just a bit.

He gulped and gazed down my body and slid his hand down my stomach very
lightly.

I sighed. Jack was touching me. He hadn't touched me in forever.

"You're still beautiful." He whispered.

We both gulped as the tension between us tightened. My dick was already
stiff and obvious in my briefs, but his attention wasn't even on that. He
was taking in my body in. My flat chest and stomach and a boy's version of
abs.

Instinctively, I lightly grabbed onto the collar of his jacket, just
holidng it.

I didn't want to force him. I was scared that if I did, he'd never come
back. I wanted him to want this. I closed my eyes, silently begging him to
touch me. To pull my boxers off and spread my legs.

I squeezed his jacket in an attempt to offset the light shakes.

His head lightly moved up. Our lips were inches away, both open and both
breathing hard.

"I'm not gonna hurt you..." He whispered breathily. His lips lightly
brushed against mine as he tried so hard not to give in. "But I'll never
leave you again."

I melted into the temptation at that moment.

I pushed against him and our lips smushed against each other's urgently.

Any hesitation was gone right then.

He wrapped me up with both hands, pulling me into his big jacket, one hand
on the back of my head and the other squeezing my ribs lightly. My hand
tugged on his jacket, unzipping it with our mouths still locked, he pulled
his jacket and hat off, broke the kiss and tossed his shirt off before
putting the hat back on.

The fact that his hat stayed on made me so fucking horny.

My hands pressed firmly against his chest. I wanted to feel him
everywhere. The light trail of hair on his belly button disappeared into
his pants, it was smooth to the touch. I latched onto the waistband of his
pants and underwear, pulling at them.

He got fully on the bed and knelt in front of me.

He shoved me to my back and I smirked when he unbuttoned his jeans, kicked
off his shoes and pulled the fabric off his legs. His bone was tenting
massively. His hand pressed against my chest firmly. He leaned down and
rocked his body on top of mine. I writhed, trying my hardest not to cum
before my boxers were even off.

His lips ravaged my neck and his teeth bit down.

My back arched and I shoved my cock into his with a groan. "I want your
cock." I moaned.

His hands gripped my underwear and pulled them quickly off before taking
his off. He was so big, bigger than Kyle or Caleb. His head stuck half way
out of his foreskin while mine just peaked out. His pubes were soft and
they stayed soft for as long as I can remember while balls completely
shaved. I sat up and pushed him into a kneeling position. Leaning in, I
grabbed his large dick, pulling his skin back and shuddering when he leaked
a stream of clear precum down my knuckles. I licked my lips and dove into
his cock.

He tossed his head back and groaned.

"Fuck." I went deeper and deeper, taking the whole thing. "You still know
how to suck a dick..."

I bobbed up and down, pulling tight on his skin at the bottom of his shaft
and flicked his head, deep throating earning groans and precum and his
hands running through my hair. "Yeah, Luca. Suck my dick."

I pulled off of him, taking a breath and jerking him. "I heard you like a
cock in your mouth more than I do." I went back down on him.

"I love cum more." He throatily said.

I pulled off once more. "You're gonna love my dick, then." My lips ran down
his shaft again.

He smirked. "I always did." He shuddered.

The salty taste of precum filled my mouth. As I slid up and down I came to
realize just how large his dick was. It was stretching my jaw and sliding
down my throat pretty far. God I was afraid and excited.

"Ohhhh god Luke." He groaned, hand squeezing a fistful of my hair.

I groaned on his dick and had to pull off. "Don't do that..."

"Hurt?"

"No. It's gonna make me cum."

He groaned lightly, realizing that having my hair pulled turned me
on. "Jesus, Luca."

I went back down and wrapped my lips around his cock.

His breath sped up and his hand was pushing just a bit. His hips were
lightly rocking back and forth. "Luca, you're gonna make me cum..." I just
nodded. His dick jerked and I knew it was coming soon. His head
swelled. "Oh fuck, I'm cumming."

His cum blasted inside my throat as he pushed it further in my mouth. Seven
shots of thick, creamy cum coated my tongue. "Ungh- yeah. Fuck yeah."

His body untensed and his hand gently rubbed the back of my head. I
swallowed every drop and pulled his cock slowly out of my mouth. It was
throbbing and beginning to soften.

He pet my hair and I came up to his face and kissed him, making him taste
his cock and cum. "Mmm..."

Our kiss broke and he heaved breath on my face. "You're so good at that."

I gave him a peck, biting on my bottom lip. Running my hand down his body,
his growing chest and stomach, I realized just how much he'd grown. He was
still boyish the last time I saw him naked this close, a light bush and
flat chest, four pack under taut skin, now he had ridges and a happy
trail. He was a teenager, almost a man.

He let me rub his body, knowing how much I loved touching skin and just how
good it felt on my hand.

I looked up at him, sharp, blue eyes staring back at me. He gave a lopsided
grin. He leaned forward and bit my ear lightly and slid his hands along my
ribs. "If I touch your cock, will you cum?" His whisper tickled my ear.

I nodded. There was no way I was gonna last long with my brother stroking
me. I definitely was too horny and too sensitive.

He slid down my body and lightly pushed me to my back. His breath warmed my
rock hard cock, leaking precum like a faucet. My legs tensed. "Uhh,
shit..."

I groaned when he peeled my foreskin back and licked my head. My cum burst
out inside his mouth.

He swallowed the first load and then pulled off, holding back my foreskin
tightly. A string of clear cum streaked across my belly and another just
beside it before dribbling a few drops.

"Can you keep going?" He asked.

"Definitely." Still horny. Thank god for chemical disorders.

"You have lube?" Jack asked.

I shook my head. "Fuck me raw like before."

"But I'm a lot bigger now."

I wiped the cum off of my belly and smeared it all over his cock. He
moaned. "That should be enough."

He nodded. "Slow?"

I shook my head. "Fuck no. I just want it inside." I nearly whined.

He spit on his fingers and lubed my hole before placing the tip of his dick
right at the entrance. He pushed, I pushed and he popped in. The pain was
fierce but the pressure was amazing. He slid in at a steady pace and I
ground my teeth. My face, upper neck and shoulders were red, I grabbed his
ass and kept pushing. I needed this dick inside me.

It was just like I remembered it.

A few moments later, he smashed my prostate and then bottomed out.

"You okay? Is it too much?" He asked quickly.

I shook my head. "Quit being a bitch." I grunted out.

"Yes ma'am." Just like that, he started.

"Oh god... Jack...." I whispered. "Fuck me."

He grinned and leaned over me, my legs spread wide and resting on his
thighs, and he kissed me, shoving his tongue in my mouth.

He pulled his cock back to the very tip, and then, without warning, he
shoved it back in with an animalistic hump.

"Fuck!" My voice was a bit louder. That was unexpected. My head rolled and
my eyes shut tight.

He repeated that process, but now that I knew it was coming, it didn't hurt
too bad. I grunted loudly. My skin started tingling and my voice just
moaned uncontrollably. He picked up his pace and with a few more pumps, the
pain was receding and my dick got harder and harder. I was fully
ready. "Fuck me harder."

He did as I asked, ramming into me so hard that I slid a bit backward.

He pulled out of me. "Turn around." He breathed. I did and got on my hands
and knees. He pushed himself inside and wrapped his arms around my chest,
pulling me into his. He nuzzled himself in my neck and tasted my skin while
his hands pulled me into his body tightly. His dick rested inside of me,
hard as steel. My dick was pointing to the roof, so stiff it was touching
my stomach. Without warning, he pushed me down on the bed, his hand pushing
down on my back with my chest against the bed and my ass in the air. He
didn't pull any punches and went to town, sliding his cock in and out and
slamming his hips into my ass. I was grunting and wincing almost painfully,
but oh my god it felt so good. He'd gotten a lot better at sex...

"Fuck this." Jack mumbled. He flipped me over again, reached behind my back
and lifted me up, shoving his dick in midair. He stood on the bed, lifting
me up and pushed me roughly into the wall, pulled his rod out and fucked me
with all the force he could muster while holding me by my thighs. My dick
pumped out a second load all over his stomach and my cock, sliding down my
balls. I held onto his neck, mouth open, eyes closed and my head
backward. My toes were curled and my back was hitting the wall.

He stopped after a few hard humps and pulled out of me. He let go of my
legs and I stood.

Grabbing my shoulder he twisted me around and shoved my chest into the
wall. His hand put pressure on my mid back and his other one ran through my
hair. He grabbed a fistful and rammed his cock back inside. "Fu-hu!" I
groaned and breathed uncontrollably as the third orgasm shot through my
body. I didn't even know if anything came out.

 He bit lightly on my ear and his chest pressed against my back. "How many
times have I fucked the cum out of you?" He asked in an animalistic voice.

"Not enough." I called back just as lost in natural lust. "You gonna fuck
me like a man?"

"You really want it that hard?" He nearly taunted.

"Yes." I answered. "If you can still go that hard."

"God I missed you." He pressed firmly against me. "How bad do you want it?"

I pushed my hips back and grinded my ass against his hips.

He pulled back and shoved it back in me and my hips hit the wall. "Tell me
how bad you want my dick, Luke." He whispered in a softer, but still primal
tone.

"I want it as deep and hard as you can."

He reached down and grabbed one of my thighs, lifting it as high as he
could, stretching my muscles and getting as much of his massive cock inside
me as he could. I couldn't control my own voice. I was flat against the
wall. He pumped his hard dick inside me deeper than before, faster than
before and harder.

I lost control of my voice and my body, jerking and spasming. I don't know
how many times I came.

"Is this what you wanted?" He grunted as his dick moved in and out like a
piston.

"Fuck yes!" I was growling lowly like an animal. "God- yeah, Jack- Fuck
me."

He pulled my hair back once more and twisted my head, slowing for a moment
to kiss me with an intense urgency. Then he whispered to me; "I'm gonna cum
soon. Where do you want my cum?"

"All over me." I moaned back.

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him tightly.

And then I got lost in an idea. To be able to control him was a fantasy of
mine. To fuck his asshole and pump my cum inside of him.

I grunted, pushed him off me and turned to face him. "My turn to fuck you."

He was definitely not expecting that, but he smiled devilishly. "Alright
'stud.'"

I grabbed his hands and pulled him down on top of me, him straddling my
hips. I grabbed my cum covered dick and lined it up with his hole. He
lowered himself down quickly, releasing a long, loud groan, taking my dick
about half way."You like it?"

He ground his teeth a bit at the pain. "Do you?"

I grinned lustfully. This was the very first time I'd ever stuck my dick in
his ass. "Jack, cum on me." I latched onto his big cock and stroked it.

"Uhn." He started moving his hips up and down slowly. We were both
completely lost in lust.

I knew for a fact that Jack hadn't had a cock inside him since the
incident, and he used to tell me that he was curious about it. But seeing
him sitting on my dick, even if he was still only half way down my shaft,
with his face flushed and his cock leaking precum, I knew he at least liked
me inside him.

"Damn... This feels so good." He sighed. His hips had yet to move, he just
enjoyed the feeling of my dick inside him. "Fuck. I fucking love your
cock."

His ass was so tight and so warm like a glove made for my dick. As soon as
I pushed in, it pulled my foreskin back and rubbed my sensitive cock head
in it's warm grip.

"Stay there." I said throatily. "I'm gonna fuck you hard."

He groaned at my words and I pushed myself up, my cock sliding the rest of
the way in him.

His face distorted in pain. I may be a couple years younger than Jack, but
I still had a good six and a half inches of hard teenage cock.

The pain on his face shifted to a surprised, curious look. I pressed up a
bit harder and he grunted, his body shaking. He leaned forward, leaning on
his hands. His ass clenched tightly and my cock spasmed inside of him, hips
pushing upward as another orgasm pumped through me.

He groaned and grunted each time my cock jerked. "F-fuck Luca that feels so
fucking good." He inhaled a sharp breath when I pulled a bit out and shoved
back in.

My dick was still hard and begging for more.

I started sliding my dick in and out as his ass hovered a few inches above
my hips. His face contorted in a mixture of pure ecstasy and sharp pain.

 "You like taking my dick?" I asked asked, pumping harder as I started to
gain more confidence.

He leaned over me and smashed his lips into mine while I continued to hump
his tight hole, moaning in my mouth before we separated and grunted. "Just
in case my hard dick wasn't proof enough that I fucking love it." He
whispered shakily. "You've gotta fuck me harder, Luca." He grunted. "I
wanna know what it feels like to have the cum fucked out of me. If you can
do it."

I bit my lips in lust and pulled his hips up just a bit, posting my legs up
to prepare to fuck him harder and faster.

"Ungh! Fuck..." His eyes shut tight and his ass was clenching harder as I
pumped.

"Don't question me!" I called out.

"God damn!" He groaned. "Shit! I think... fuck, I'm gonna cum."

Sure enough, his cock started pouring white cum like a faucet and his balls
pulled before the shaft tensed and jerked wildly. The first spray of creamy
cum shot passed my head and smeared onto the wall and a bit in my hair, the
second on my check and painted a line to my chin. The third and fourth on
my neck, chest and belly. His cock head leaked out more on my stomach.

I was so hot. I put my hands firmly on his chest and pushed him to his
back, pulling my dick out of his ass. Swiping cum from my chest, I
slathered it all over his dick earning a surprised gasp and a slight jerk
from him. I grabbed his dick while it was still hard and slid it into my
ass. I grabbed myself and stroked, coming to an orgasm in just thirty
seconds. I only left some drops on his stomach but I still needed to keep
going. I pulled back my foreskin and held it tight against my pubic mound,
using Jack's cum to jerk my dickhead, twisting my hand over the knob.

"Jesus, Luke. That's so hot."

I grunted and shook in another orgasm that pushed a wave of feelings
through my body. I finally felt the after orgasm relief. My muscles
untensed and I felt weaker, lowering down and laying one Jack's shoulder,
smearing his cum on his chest, both of us heaving breaths.

I didn't realize how sweaty we were until I looked up at Jack and saw his
hair wet at the tips and some sweat on the edges of his hat. He grinned at
me. I was breathing heavy, head spinning from the post orgasm rush.

I stole his hat from him and he smiled. "How'd it feel?" He asked softly.

I crawled a bit up and kissed him, still lost in a residual horniness.

"Jack, hold me." I said in a low voice.

His arms wrapped around me and held me tight to his chest. His cock slowly
softened and fell out of me. He chuckled lightly. "Wa's so funny?" My voice
was far away, contented.

"You came, what, five times?"

I shrugged, rubbing my hands up and down his sweaty body. "Dunno." I
tiredly replied.

I had no idea how much I missed this. Just laying on him, being held tight
in his arms. Like a child's blanket that protected him from any monsters
and creatures of the night, Jack was my safety blanket.

I fell asleep in his warmth.

When I woke up, I was laying on my side, pressed up against his chest with
my leg tossed over his hip. My cock was solid, smushed into his soft
member.

His hand came up, the back of his fingers stroked my cheek. I looked up at
him.  "Hey, bud." He whispered with a smile.

I stretched my neck up a bit and stuck my tongue in his mouth, grinding my
cock against him. His hand slid around my head and grabbed the back of it
lightly.

"Fuck... you can't tell me this feels wrong." I muttered smugly.

He shrugged. "You got me."