Date: Wed, 10 Nov 1999 10:56:55 -0500
From: TJ <BiDadWriter@Yahoo.com>
Subject:  Beauty From Ashes

The following is a work of fiction, meaning, it's COMPLETELY made up.
The characters are based on real people, but that's it.  This story
deals with consensual sexual realtions between adult males.  If this
offends you, or is illegal to view where you are, leave now.  If not,
enjoy.  Comments and CONSTRUCTIVE criticisms are always welcome.
Flames are cheerfully deleted!!

Just a word at the beginning.  Thanks to Ty, J, and Ed for their input.
And a big word of thanks, to my special friend Robb.  You light up my
life, baby.  Thanks!!

********************************************************************

Christmas Eve Day.  It was cold outside, and for the first time in my
life, we would have a real white Christmas.  It was snowing again, the
flakes big, and falling fast. The kids were loud in the neighborhood,
enjoying the snow, being kids, making all grades of noise.  This was a
happy day, a joyous day.  For everyone but me.  The coldness outside
was nothing compared to what I was feeling.  Had it really only been
ten days?

I moved to get up from my chair, tripped over the cast on my right
leg, fell  into a heap in the middle of my living room, and started
crying all over again.  All the pain, the anguish, the guilt.  My life
was over.  I thought I might as well end it myself, to stop the pain,
but, I didn't own a gun, all the sleeping pills and that sort of drug
had been removed by my mother, and I was out of liquor, again.  All I
could do was cry.

Then, the door bell rang.

"Go away," I said, through my sobs, probably not loud enough for
anyone to hear.

The bell rang again.

"Leave me alone!!!" I cried.

"Ted, open this door right now!!"

The voice was not one I recognized at first.  It was male, but not a
relative, not my father-in-law (former father-in-law?
Ex-father-in-law?  What was he to me now?)

"Ted, it's Ron and Steven.  Open up this door this instant!!!"

Ron and Steven!!!!  What were they doing here?  How did they know?  I
hadn't talked or chatted to either of them since...

I opened the door, and burst into tears again.  Ron walked in, his
hair in a pony tail, grabbed me in a HUGE bear hug, and said, "It's
ok, Ted.  We're here.  We're gonna take care of you now."

I just held onto my friend, and heaved.  All the emotion I had been
trying to drown came pouring out on the shoulder of my friend.  I felt
Steve squeeze past us, as he closed the door.  I felt him put down the
two suitcases he carried, then he made it a group hug, grabbing me
from the back.  And my two friends cried with me, sharing my pain.
They cried their hearts out, like it had been their wife and son who
had been killed, not mine.

*********************************************************************
It was one of the proudest days of my life.  I had been in and out of
college since I was eighteen, and, finally, at 37 I had finished my
degree in accounting.  When I started back to school this last time, I
had informed Debbie, my wife, that when I finished my degree, I was
not planning to walk at graduation.

"If I'm giving up three nights per week for the next two years so you
can finish this degree, the you will NOT keep me from seeing you
graduate.  You hear me!!"  she had said.

After two years of hard work, I had finished all the courses for my
bachelor's degree, but had already started to work on my MBA in order
to meet the requirements to sit for the CPA in North Carolina.  My
bachelors degree brought me fifteen credits shy of the work necessary
to sit for the exam, so I had started grad school that fall.  December
rolled around, and those of us who had finished our coursework were
given the option of walking in December.  Debbie, always the picture
taker, said December would be better.  Fewer graduates meant she could
get closer for better pictures.  I thought it was stupid, but, she was
the love of my life.  I would do anything to make her happy.  So, I
walked in December.  I would give anything now, to have stood my
ground about not walking, or even to have waited till that Spring with
the rest of my classmates.  Hindsight is 20/20.

My folks came, my grandparents, Debbie's mom and step-dad, her dad and
his girlfriend, all three of my brothers, their wives and kids.  It
was a big deal in my family when a kid (yeah, a 37 year old kid!!)
graduated from college. My family made a party out of it.  The
graduation ceremony was ok.  My family all cheered for me when I walked.
It was really nice.

Try as I may, I will never, I fear, forget the ride home.  The college
I was attending was about thirty or so minutes from our house.  The
crew was going to the Golden Corral in our hometown for the evening meal.
Most everyone was staying at one of the motels at the same exit. (We only
had a three bedroom house, and my folks stayed with us when they came)  We
were almost past an exit ramp when the car in front of me slammed on brakes.
I had to swerve right to miss him, because there was a transfer truck to
my left.  What I had not seen was the 4x4 barreling down the exit ramp
that clipped my back right fender.  The force of him hitting my car, spun
me 180 degrees back into oncoming traffic.  The semi behind us did not
have a chance to stop, and, at 65 mph plowed into the passenger side of my
car, killing my wife of almost thirteen years, and our three year old son,
who was in the back seat.  Fortunately, they both died instantly.
Unfortunately, I had lived.

While my wife was my best friend, and confidant, and lover, my son, Nate,
was the light of my life.  Everything I did was for him.  He had been a
miracle.  Three different fertility specialists had told Debbie that she
would never have kids.  When Nate came along, we were so happy.  He was
the joy of our lives.  Every thing he did, every move he made, every noise
he made, Debbie dutifully recorded it in his baby book, or her journal.
We had hoped to have a second child, but, when Nate was two, Debbie had to
have an emergency hysterectomy.  Nate was all we had.

Then, in an instant, they were both gone, because of some piece of trash
on the rain slicked highway.  My life, my hopes, my dreams, the reason for
my living was gone.  What made it worse was, Debbie's mom was two cars
behind us, behind the semi that hit us, and saw the whole thing.  She came
completely unglued, and had to spend a week in the hospital.  She missed
the memorial service.

The next moments were a fog to me.  Suddenly, much of my family was there,
since we had been traveling caravan style.  I just held Debbie's head in my
lap, and cried, the misting rain competing with blood to wet her hair.
Never again would I hear her beautiful voice call me at work.  Never again
would her gentle touch rub away some pain I had.  Never again would she
welcome me into her, loving me as only she could.  Never again would I hear
her tell me she loved me, that she was proud of me, that she felt lucky to
be my wife.

And behind me, was the crumpled body of my dream.  At three years of age,
his life had come to an abrupt, tragic end.

My neck was sprained, my right leg was broken, it felt like ribs were
broken (two were broken, four cracked) my arm was going to have a hell of
a bruise.  And yet, the pain from my injured body was nothing compared to
the ache that was forming in my soul.  My wife and my son were both dead.
My mind was not accepting what my eyes were seeing.

I couldn't move, so when my dad finally got to my car, I told him to get
Nate and hand him to me.  I held his lifeless body and just cried.  When
the paramedics finally got there, and tried to take my Nate from me I
couldn't let them.  I couldn't let my baby go.  Not my joy, my pride, the
little guy who face lit up every time daddy came into the room, who
always wanted to snuggle.  My little buddy, who tried to help daddy with
all of the yard work, and any project around the house.  My little angel,
was now an angel for real.

The paramedic gave me a shot, and a few moments later, thankfully, I
passed out.  I woke up a couple of hours later in the emergency room.
My mom was nearby, and came over to me when she saw I was awake.  She
confirmed that Debbie and Nate were in fact dead.  She asked me if I had
any idea what I wanted done.  I told her which funeral home to call, and
that I wanted them to be cremated together.  We would have a memorial
service in a couple of days.

About this time my pastor showed up.  He was in tears, having shared our
six year ordeal trying to get pregnant, knowing what a loss Debbie and Nate
were.  He just came over, put his arms lightly over my chest, and cried with
me for a while.

Was this nightmare never going to end.  Why couldn't I wake myself up.
Usually when I had nightmares like this, I could force myself to wake up.
But, I was having to resign myself to the fact that this was reality, not
a dream.

Pastor finally stood up, and we talked about the viewing and the memorial
service.  I told him that I would prefer no wake, and that the family would
receive condolences at the church just before the service.  One time was
more than I would be able to bear.

Finally, the doctor came and told me they would move me to a private room
for overnight observation, but that I would be discharged the next day.
Discharged, to go to my empty house, sleep in my empty bed, wake up by
myself.  Well, my mom and dad would be there, but I was still alone.

My mom kept me on even keel with Valium until after the memorial service.
They had taken a family portrait we had just had made and had it blown up
real large for the service.  I was amazed at the number of people who came.
I guess friends of Debbie's parents, and people she grew up with, and some
of our friends from church.  Both sides of my family came, and it was
wonderful to see them all, but it was so hard.  Too many of my memories of
these people were now tied up in Debbie and Nate.

The service was short, thankfully.  Pastor did a wonderful job eulogizing
Debbie and Nate.  Drugged as I was, I had told him I wanted to say
something.

"I know that Debbie and Nate are with Jesus.  I know that Debbie's back
will never hurt again, that she is finally free from all pain.  I know that
I will never have to worry about Nate getting hurt again, or worry about
how he will grow up.  Pardon me if it takes me a while to be glad about
this.

"I did want you to know what a privilege it was for me to be Debbie's
husband.  We loved each other, very much.  She was my lover, my friend,
my companion, and a wonderful mother.  She sacrificed things she wanted
for Nate and me, to make sure we were taken care of.  She worked through
the pain she was in, hoping that one day, she would be healed." I looked
upward and continued, "My love, I'm so glad that you're not hurting
anymore.  I hope I was the husband you needed, you told me I was, but,
you would never have said otherwise.  I will miss you, my love, but wait
for me.  I will see you again.

"My love, take care of my Nate.  He was such a wonderful child, always
trying to please you and me, being more mad at himself when he realized he
had done wrong, than being mad at us for having to correct him.  You be sure
to remind him that his daddy loves him, more than life itself, and that I will
miss his bright blue eyes that light up his face, I will miss his hugs, his
snuggles, and I will miss hearing him say 'I love you daddy,' at night.

"My wife was a wonderful woman, who loved God, me, and our son with all that
she was.  You know as well as I that she was a remarkable woman.  I know you
will miss her too."

Again, I looked up at the ceiling and continued, "Father in heaven, I don't
understand why You needed Debbie and Nate to be with You, but I thank You
from the bottom of my life for letting me share their lives.  Thank You for
bringing them both into my life.  Thank You for their love, and the wonderful
memories I have of them both.  You blessed me greatly with a wonderful wife,
and an exceptional child.  Thank You, Lord.  Now, Father, help me to learn to
live without them.  Send me the help I need.  Bless everyone who came here
today, Lord.  Bless them for helping me to remember my wife, and my son.  Amen."

I couldn't believe I actually said that stuff.  I can't believe that I didn't
say what I was thinking.  What I wanted to say was, "Fuck you God!!!  Who the
fucking hell are You to take my wife and son away from me!!!  I fucking hate
you!!!!!  Go to hell, God, just fucking go to hell!!!!"  But, I maintained my
composure, and didn't say those things.  In fact, I wasn't even sorry that I
thought them, and, smiled inwardly knowing what people would do if I had said
what was also in my mind.  I had meant everything I said about Debbie and Nate.
Everything.  But I was furious with God for taking them away from me.

The rest of the day was a blur.  Thankfully, somewhere about five minutes after
I said my piece, the Valium kicked into high gear, and I was floating.  I
don't remember the trip to the lake, I don't remember pouring out the ashes
into the lake, and I don't remember the trip back to my house.  Really, I
don't remember anything until Ron and Steven showed up.

I have fuzzy recollections of people coming in and out at the house, of my mom
and dad finally leaving.  I wasn't going to their Christmas celebration this
year, they would just have to get over it.  I just wanted to be alone.  I told
Debbie's dad to come pick up our two dogs, because I couldn't look at them
without thinking about Debbie, and it was just too painful for me.  He did.

I received many phone calls from people wanting to offer all kinds of help.
I eventually quit answering the damn thing, because I was tired of talking to
people.  I hadn't shaved in several days, I shouldn't have driven because of
the cast, but as soon as my folks left, I headed straight for the liquor store.
The man had to help me carry the four gallons of rum I bought back to the car.
It's hard to carry anything when you're walking on crutches.  I stopped at the
grocery story, bought three three liter cokes, and headed home.  When I got
back home, after countless trips to and from the car, I had what I wanted.  I
looked, and the answering machine was blinking like a Christmas tree light.  I
just cut it off, and then turned off all the ringers, and took the phone off
the hook.

I went to the kitchen, poured myself a VERY stiff drink, and went back to the
living room.  I sat down in Debbie's chair, pulled my wedding ring off, and,
with tears in my eyes, put it on my right hand, where a widower wears his
wedding ring.

Widower.  I knew I'd never be able to live knowing I was a widower.  I
couldn't even go in Nate's room.  I had my mom close the door before
they brought me home from the hospital.  I would have to face it one day,
but not today.  Today, I was going to drink myself into oblivion.  Today
marked five days since "that" day.  I have absolutely no recollection of
the next five days.

The only way I knew it was Christmas Eve Day was because I turned on the
tube to see what day it was.  It was 7:30am when I checked, the time of
day Nate normally woke up.  Ever since he was a baby, his internal clock
was set to get him up at 7:30.  This was supposed to be the best Christmas
yet.  He had finally figured out about Christmas, and Santa, and had talked
to every Santa that he came near.  There were boxes of toys in my closet,
waiting for a little boy.  Waiting...

I turned the tube off, and sank back into Debbie's chair again.  I hadn't
changed clothes since coming back from the liquor store.  Somehow, the
Christmas tree had gotten knocked down.  I was sure that my father-in-law
had been by to check on me.  I can only hope that I wasn't conscious when
he came by.  I'm sure he was disappointed in me, but I didn't give a fuck.
The realization that I was alone at Christmas-even if my family had been
with me, I would have been alone-caused the pain in my heart to surge once
more, and I dropped off to sleep.

I guess it was the noise of a car door shutting that woke me up, when I
fell, when Ron and Steve showed up.  These men, outside of Debbie, my
best friends in the entire world.  They had wandered into my life three
years ago, and helped me learn to deal with my bisexuality.  We shared
a deep spiritual and emotional bond, as deep as what Debbie and I shared.
These men who loved me like I was part of their marriage had come to help
me.  I knew why they were here.  I just didn't know how they knew to come.

We cried for a long time, the three of us.  In the three years we had known
each other, they had never been able to get up for a visit.  The weekends
they were free, Debbie and I had something planned.  Weekends that Debbie
was away, they were obligated.  Our entire relationship was founded on
phone calls, Yahoo Instant Messenger, and e-mail.  We had exchanged pictures,
but never met.  And, yet, these two men were as much my soul mates as
Debbie was.

"Ted, why didn't you call us?" Steve asked.

"To be honest with you, my love, I have been so wrapped up in my own grief,
that I didn't even know that today was Christmas Eve until I saw it on the TV."

"We're kind of put out that you didn't call us," Ron said.

That brought tears to my eyes.  "I'm sorry, my loves.  It was inconsiderate
of me not..."

"Shhhhh," Ron said.  "I didn't mean to upset you, baby.  But, Debbie and
Nate's deaths sent us for quite a loop too, you know.  She never knew about
us, I'm sure, but we loved her, and Nate, like they were ours."

"After we went five days and didn't see you on chat, you didn't return
our e-mails, and didn't answer the phone at work in the morning we got
worried," Steve said.  "So, two days ago, I called your office during
business hours, and found out what had happened.  I called Ron at work
to tell him what I had learned.  We cried together for a while, and then
both of us got our shit together, and we left St. Augies this morning.
We're here now, and we're going to take care of you now."

"How long can you stay?" I asked.

"We're both on indefinite leave," Steve said.  "I explained to my boss that
my brother's  wife and son had been killed in a car wreck, and that I was
going to come and be with you. I've got my laptop in the suite case, I can
work from here."

"And I told the center that I was going to use my qualifications as grief
counselor with our brother in North Carolina," said Ron.

Ever since the two of them had accepted Jesus as savior a year and a half
ago, we called each other brother.  They were actually my lovers, lovers of
my heart, and mind, and soul, but not my body.  I know, I know, you're confused.
When we first met, I was trying to free myself from homosexual urges.  Through
an unusual series of events, we became friends.  They talked with me, cheered
me on, and helped me finally realize that I was a true bisexual.  I was in
love with my wife, and would never leave her, or have sex outside our marriage,
but, I was also in love with the two of them.  Weird, I know, but, hey, it
helped me keep my sanity.

"So, how long are you going to stay?" I asked.

"Until you're ready for us to leave," Steve said.

"But, Mr. Peterson, first things first.  You look, and smell, like shit.
When was the last time you had a bath?" Ron asked.

"The day of the memorial service," I said.

"Damn, baby, no wonder you stink!!" he said, laughing a little.  "Steve, get
a quarter.  Heads I get to bathe him, tails you do."

Steve flipped, and he won the toss.  "Ok, my love, let's get you stripped
and in the tub."

"I can't get the cast wet, and we have sliding glass doors," I said.

"Well, I'll just have to take the doors off," he said.

"Ted, dear," Ron started, "where are the boxes for what's left of your tree
decorations?  What happened to your tree, baby?"

"I don't remember what happened to the tree.  I'm sure in one of my drunken
fits of rage I smashed it.  Would you please look for four ornaments in
particular.  One is the "Our first Christmas".  My folks gave it to Debbie
and me for our first Christmas.  Then there are three ornaments that are
Nate's.  First, second and third Christmases.  I hope I didn't break them."

"I'll look honey," he said.  "But where are the boxes?"

"In the room behind the kitchen, up on the wire racks," I said.  "Why, are
you going to take it down?"

"If it hurt you so much to see it that you tore it down, I think it would
be best if I took it down."  And with that, he headed off in search of
the boxes.

I heard the water running in the tub.  Steve stuck his head out of the
bathroom and asked where the towels and bath cloths were.  I told him and
he went and got clean ones.

"OK, my love, let's get you out of those rank clothes," he said.

He helped me out of my clothes, and unwrapped my rib brace.  I explained
about my injuries to him.  He marveled at the size and darkness of the
bruises on my arm, and chest, but he didn't push me.  I couldn't let
myself down into the tub, and I started crying.

"Oh, baby, it's ok," he said.  "Look, I'll just take off my pants and
socks, and I'll help you.  Don't cry, baby, it's ok.  We're here, and
you're going to be ok."

Had I not been so upset, I'm sure I would have said something about him
just looking for a way to get naked with me, but I couldn't. I just
couldn't muster it up.

He stepped into the tub, and then lowered me into the water.  He didn't
play, he didn't horse around.  He just washed me.  Starting with my hair,
and then giving me a shave.  Then he washed me all over, and it was the most
tender, sweet loving, non sexual thing.  He might as well have been washing
his mother.  I just marveled to myself about the friendship the three of us
had.  Then I realized that the one thing I had never wanted, I now had.  The
freedom to consummate our love affair.  The realization of that shocked me.

I jerked my head and looked at Steve.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked.

"No, no.  I just thought about something.  It's nothing."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, let's get you up, and dried off."  He helped me out of the tub, dried
me off, being very careful with my ribs.  He re-wrapped my ribs, and then
went hunting for my clothes while I dried my hair.

He helped me get dressed, and then was getting ready to help me to the living
room when I grabbed him and hugged him tightly.  "I love you, my Stevie," I
said, tears streaming down my face.

"I love you too, Teddy"

He helped me back to the living room, where Ron had done a good job of cleaning
up the mess that was the Christmas tree.

"Uh, Ted, honey, uh, I noticed a couple of liquor jugs in the kitchen, uh, four
actually, and, well, Ted, baby, they're all empty."

"Yes, Ron, I know.  I've been drunk for five days.  Please don't lecture me,
baby, please," I looked at him with pleading eyes.

"I'm not going to lecture you, baby.  I'm just concerned.  You look gaunt,
your eyes are sunken in.  Have you even eaten in the last five days?"

"I don't know," I said.

"Well, I won't fix you any meat, but, we're going to get something in you,
boy," he said.  Oh, did I mention that Steven and Ron are vegetarians?  They are.

He rummaged around in the pantry and came up with some pasta and sauce.  He
fixed it while Steven tidied up a bit.  I just sat there looking out the window,
wondering what I was going to do next.

"Steve, dear, would you hand me the cordless phone, and then go hang up the
phone beside my bed, please," I asked him.

"Sure, babe," he said.

I called my folks.  I told my mom that I was better, that two very good friends,
one of whom was a grief counselor, had taken it upon themselves to come from
Florida, take their vacation, and help me get things settled.  She was glad to
hear that I was ok.  I didn't tell her what had I had been through the last five days.
She asked again if I was sure I didn't want anybody to come over for Christmas Day.
I told her that Ron and Steve would be with me and I would be fine.

Next, I called over to my mother-in-law's.  Her husband answered, he told me she
was better, but was still pretty much in shock.  I asked him if he needed anything,
and he said no.  He sounded pretty broken up, and I told him that Ron was available
to him (after explaining what Ron does) if he wanted.  He said no.  I told him if
he needed me, I was there for them, and I hung up.

Then I called Debbie's dad.  He's never home, so I just left a message, thanking
him for taking the dogs, for watching out for me, and I apologized if I had said
anything to him in the last several days.  I told him that some close friends
from out of town were staying with me a few days, that he was welcome to stop
by if he wanted to.

By this time Ron had lunch ready.  I didn't realize how hungry I was.  Steve said
grace.  "Father, thank You for bringing us safely to be with Ted.  We thank You
again for the lives of Debbie and Nate, how, even from a distance, they brightened
our lives. We thank You that we know that they are with You, and You are taking
care of them.  Thank You, too, Father, for allowing Ron and myself the privilege
of taking care of Ted, thank You for the honor of his love for us, and for
letting us love him.  We thank You for this food You have provided for us, and
for the hands that prepared it.  Bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies,
and our bodies to Your service.  Amen."

"You are an amazing man, Steve," I said.

"What'd I do?"

"Nothing, love, you're just you."  I took his hand, and Ron's, and said to
them both, "I love you guys.  Thank you so much for coming to be with me."

We ate lunch, talking about nothing.  I asked them what they did about their
Christmas.  They had already exchanged their gifts, but they each brought
one with them, and one for me, just in case.  I told them I didn't have
anything for them, and they said they didn't care.  I couldn't bear to open
the packages from under the tree.  Debbie normally had hers and Nate's
gifts wrapped and under the tree early in the month. This year was no
different.  There were several boxes with my name on them, and several
with Debbie's and Nate's names from me.

"Ron, will you or Steve drive me to town?"

"Sure, babe.  What do you need?"

"I think I will take Debbie's and Nate's presents to some people who might
could use them."

"Oh, Ted," Ron said, tears forming in his eyes, "You don't have to do that, baby."

"I know, but I can't bring myself to unwrap them, I don't know if I can even
unwrap the ones to me from them.  Please, take me."  I asked.

Steve said, "It will be my honor to help you, baby," and he started gathering
the packages from under the tree.

Steve and Ron packed up Debbie's car while I hopped into the bedroom to get
my coat.  Steve helped me to, and into the car.  I gave him the keys, and
we set out for town.

We dropped the packages off at a church I knew that took up donations.  I
told them we'd be back the following week with some lady's and toddler clothes,
but that I just didn't have the heart to do it just yet.  The man who was there
knew my father-in-law, and he hugged me and told me how sorry he was, and a tear
dropped out of his eye.  I said thank you, and Steve and I headed back to the car.

"Baby, I'm not quite ready to go back to the house yet.  Will you take me to Wal-Mart?"

"Are you sure you want to be around children and Christmas?" he asked.

"I'll be ok, baby.  This is something I need to do."

I called Ron from the car, told him we were going to be out for a while, but would
be back soon.  He said for us to take our time.

We walked into Wal-Mart, Steve helping me.  I wasn't too good with the crutches.
He found me one of the motorized carts, and we started making our way through the store.

As we got close to the jewelry counter, I sent him over to the grocery story to pick
up some stuff so he and Ron would have something to eat.

It was subterfuge!!  I went to the jewelry counter, and told the lady what I was
looking for.  She showed me a couple of styles, and I chose one of the styles, had
her ring up the sale, and I tucked it into my coat.

I also went over to the men's department, got them both shirts that were the style
they wore, and had them wrapped up.

I caught up with Steve as he was headed to the checkout counter.

"Hey, baby!!" he said.  "Would you look at that!!"

"What?"

"There's actually a sparkle in your eye!!"

"It's you and Ron," I said.  "I'm feeling better just because my men are with me."

"And we'll never leave you, baby," he replied.  "What's in the bags?"

"Oh, just some stuff I know I needed," I said.

We checked out, loaded up the car, and headed back to the house.  When we got there,
I heard the dryer and the dishwasher running, and Ron was wrapping the cord around
the vacuum as we walked in.

"Well, hello, Hattie the Housemaid," I said as I walked into the living room.

"Fuck you, and the horse you rode in on," he said with a smile.

Steve made a noise like a horse braying, and we all three laughed.

"Oh, Ted, it's so good to see you laugh," Ron said.

"You guys have always brought out the best in me," I said.

The rest of the afternoon was pretty much uneventful.  We talked, watched some TV,
and just basically hung out.  They took turns sitting on the couch behind me, letting
me snuggle up to the both of them.  They had gotten to where they would kiss me
on the top of my head, or on the cheek whenever they left the room.  They worked
together to finish the laundry.  Ron managed to get Nate's clothes into his room
while I was in the bathroom.  They were really going out of their way to make me
feel comfortable.

I had asked Steve to get a bottle of wine to go with whatever Ron was making for
dinner.  It was a wonderful meal, some vegetable dish I had never heard of, but
was fantastic.  We had white wine with dinner, and, after Ron said grace, I
proposed a toast.

"To my two best friends, I love you two with all that I am.  I thank God for you."

We clinked our glasses, and had dinner.  While Steve and Ron cleared the table,
loaded the dishwasher and started the coffee, I Christmas music on the CD.  I
marveled at the two men in my kitchen.  They had overcome some difficulties in
their youth, and early in our relationship.  One of the things I most admired
about the two of them is, they were completely devoted to one another.  Their
love for each other was so strong, that it always got them through whatever they
faced.  They came into the living room, bringing me a cup of coffee.

We sat and visited.  I gave them the shirts I had picked up for them, and they
gave me two CD's I had been looking for, but had not been able to find.

We mapped out a plan for the next several days.  They were going to help me
with settling Debbie's estate.  From her life insurance proceeds, and Nates,
after I paid off the funeral expenses, and paid off my mortgage, I was still
going to have a rather large chunk of money.  I wanted my wife and my son.

The next several days flew by.  Between Ron and Steve helping me get around,
finally going through Debbie's things, cleaning them, and taking them to
Goodwill, and beginning to clean up and out Nates stuff, it was a rough week.
I was so thankful that Ron and Steve had showed up.  I know how depressed I
was when they showed up at my door, and I hated to think what would have happened
if they hadn't.

New Year's Eve was upon us.  I had checked on my mother-in-law, and she was
still not right.  I think seeing her daughter and grandson die in front of
her eyes was too much, and she had retreated inside herself.  It was really
sad, and I told Bob, her husband, to call me if he needed anything.

Ron and Steve had made dinner reservations for New Years at one of my favorite
restaurants for early in the evening.  They knew that it was also supposed
to have been Debbie's and my fourteenth wedding anniversary, so they went
out of their way to try and keep my spirits up.  I appreciated what they did,
more than they knew.

During the week, I had not heard them having sex.  I knew from them telling me
that they were very verbal men, so I figured that they had just been being
quiet for my sake.

They cared so much for me.  It was evident in what they did, what they were
doing.  I could see their love for me in their eyes, and I knew that I had
completely fallen in love with them.  It was a hard thing for me, but I
decided to let go of Debbie.  I would love her, and Nate, until the day I
died, but we had talked many times in our marriage that if one of us should
die, the other should move on, and find someone new.  Little did she know
that I had been in love with two men for three years.  I knew that tonight
would be the beginning of the new chapter of my life.  From the ashes of my
despair, a new, beautiful chapter of my life would begin.

After dinner, we went back to the house, changed into comfortable clothes,
and settled in on the couch.  While they were changing, I got the other present
I had for them, and hid it where I could get to it quickly.

"Hey, guys, I have something I want to give you."

"We already have everything we need," said Ron.  "We're here with you.  What
more could we ask."

I reached down under the cushion and pulled out the three little small boxes.

"Ron, come sit on my other side."

So, we sat there on the couch, me in between these two incredible, beautiful men.

"I have loved the two of you for three years now," I said.  "We have been
through good times, and bad times, happy times, and, now, times of tragedy.
Before now, there was a part of my heart that was not yours.  It was Debbie's
and Nate's.  Life has dealt me, and you, a cruel blow by taking them from me,
but now I can freely give you all of my heart.  All of my heart is yours.  I don't
want it to belong to anybody else.  Fourteen years ago this afternoon, I pledged
my love and my life to Debbie.  I committed myself to her, and her alone"

"Today begins a new chapter in my life, and, I hope, in yours  I am willing to
commit myself to the two of you, if you will have me.  I promise to love you,
and no one else.  If you let me, I will share my life, my love and all that is
mine with you."

I reached down, grabbed two of the boxes and handed them to them.  They each opened
their own box, and looked up, and looked rather strangely at each other.

"This is too weird," said Steve.

"What?" I asked.

Ron got up, went into the guest bedroom, and came back with a small gift wrapped box.

"This is our gift to you, love," he said.

I opened it up, and inside was a smaller box.  When I opened it up, inside, under
the cotton, were three rings, identical to the ones I bought for them.  I reached
under my leg, and pulled out the third box, with the matching ring.

"I guess this means this is right," Steve said.

"I guess this means were...uh...a trio," Ron said.

I reached over and hugged Ron, and then Steve.

Ron took my hand, and Steves, and said, "I desire to spend my life with the two
of you, together, as a family.  I give to you both my heart, my soul, all that
I am, and all that I have.  I promise to love you both equally, not favoring one
over the other, and I promise to be faithful to both of you.  Will you share your
lives with me?" he asked as he looked first to Steve, and then to me.  I started
to speak, but Steve stopped me.

"I desire to spend my life with the two of you, together, as a family.  I give
you my heart, my soul, all I am, and all that I have.  I promise to love both
of you, equally, and not to favor one over the other.  I promise to be faithful
to both of you.  I give myself to the two of you, body, and soul."

Then I got to speak.  "I love the two of you, more than I thought possible.
You will never replace Debbie and Nate, and I know you don't want to.  I know
that I can never love another woman like I did Debbie, and I promise both of
you, to save my love for you.  I, too, want to live the rest of my life with
you, and only you, regardless of what things may come.  I pledge my love to you,
and give to you both all that I am, and all that is mine.  I promise to be
faithful to the two of you, until death separates us.  I give myself to you both."

Ron reached down and picked up one of the rings from the box I had opened,
and put it on my finger. Steve picked up one of the rings, and slid it on the
same finger.  Then I took one of the rings, and put it on Ron's finger, and
Steve did the same.  Then Ron and I put the last two rings on Steve's finger.
I looked at Ron, and then at Steve, and I leaned towards Steve to kiss him.  As
I did, Ron leaned in as well, and the three of us shared our first kiss.

"Does this mean we're on our honeymoon?" Steve asked.

"I hope so," I responded. "What time is it, anyway?"

"Bedtime," Ron said, with a smile on his face.

Together, they picked me up, and carried me into the bedroom, and together,
they undressed me. Steve and Ron quickly undressed, and climbed into the
bed with me, one on each side.  We were exploring each others bodies with our
hands, as we three way kissed.  The kissing was awesome.  I don't know how we
communicated, but, one of us would drop out, and the other two would just keep
at it.  Me and Steve, Steve and Ron, Ron and me, all three of us.  Our tongues
were working magic in each other's mouths.

And our hands...they had me at an extreme disadvantage. First of all, they
had been lovers for seven years, and so they were both exploring my body,
already knowing each others very well.  I only had two hands, one for each
husband, so between the two of them, they were driving me wild!  Their caresses
were soft and tender, gently rubbing my arms, my ears, my nipples, my cock and
balls, my legs, my ass.  It was all I could do to keep myself from cumming.
I pretty much just jerked my boys.  Steve was already starting to breathe
ragged, so I knew he was close.

"Feed me, my love," I said as I looked at him.

He slipped up, straddled my shoulders, and started feeding me his gorgeous 9"
dick.  It had been years since I had a dick in my mouth, and I gagged a little
at first, but I took him all the way to his pubes.  I loved the feel of his dick
in my mouth, so warm, and hard, and velvety.  I started bobbing, but it was
hurting my ribs.  Steve grabbed the sides of my head, and slowly fucked the hell
out of my face.  All this while, Ron was sucking on my nipples.  Sucking and
biting, twisting, and licking.  I was bucking like a wild man.  And I was
jacking his dick for all I was worth.

"Steve, baby, you better not waste any time, or I'm gonna blow all over his
stomach," Ron said.

"Oh, baby, suck me, yeah, that's it, Ted, suck my monster meat...unhhhhhh....
unnnnhhhhhhh!!"  and he drove that pylon down my throat as the first pulse of
his cum shot down my throat.

I sucked as hard as I could, not wanting to waste a drop, and pulled my head
back so I could take his seed in my mouth.  He pulsed about seven total times,
and I had to swallow after the first five pulses.  The last two sort of dribbled
into my mouth, and then I swallowed my mans seed, and sucked the residue out
of his cock.  He didn't get soft, but he pulled out, and was almost immediately
replaced by Ron.
I barely got Rons dick good and wet before he was shooting.  He, too, had a 9"
piece of beauty, just as strong, just as smooth, but with a nuttier taste than
Steve.  I drank down his load, and sucked him dry too.

"More, I want more of the two of you," I breathed.

Their response was to start licking my dick together.  One on each side of me,
they would alternate actually sucking me, and licking my dick.  They licked my
nuts, each taking one nut in their mouth, and then they would french kiss each
other with my nuts in their mouths.  Then they would work on my dick, licking
and sucking, nibbling and kissing.

"Oh, guys, I'm gonna cum!" I screamed.

Steve promptly swallowed my 7" throbbing dick all the way.  Just as I
bottomed out, I thrust my dick even farther down his hot, wet, tight
throat, screamed, and started shooting.  Realize, it had been over two
weeks since I had cum, and my nuts were full.  Steve almost choked on
my first two spurts, but then he quickly pulled off, to be replaced by
Ron, who didn't waste a drop.  I have no idea how many time I shot, but
they traded places twice.  My orgasm finally started to subside, and they
sucked my dick clean.

"Now that's the way to start a marriage," Ron said.

"Well, you two are definitely yummy!" I said.  "Now who's gonna make
love to me first?"

"I think Steve will," Ron said. "Actually, I'm going to take a shower,
and leave the two of you for a few minutes.  When I'm done, Steve will
leave the two of us for a while.  You know we talked about this right
after we first met, how we each wanted to be with you alone.  We talked
in the plane, and decided that if the opportunity came, this is what we
wanted. The three of us have the rest of our lives for group love making.
Right now, let's let each of us get to know you better, and you us."  and
he stepped into the bathroom and shut the door.

"Oh, Steve.  I've dreamed about this for three years."

"I know, my love, so have we."

"Take me, my love, plant your seed in me, and make me yours."

He rolled me onto my side (damn this cast!!) and dove face first into my ass.
He started rimming me like he was a dying man, and my ass was his last meal.
I was moaning and groaning, loving the feelings he was producing.
"In the top drawer you'll find a tube of KY and a hand towel," I told him.
He got up from the bed, got the stuff and climbed back in bed with me.
"You'll have to go slow, my love," I said.  "It's been a long time."
"I'll be gentle, my love," he said.
After a moment, I felt him start to slide a slicked up finger in my ass.  The
first finger went in with no trouble, and I was bucking back into him, wanting
more.  He quickly slid a second finger in me, spinning them around, spreading
them, loosening me up.  Then, a third finger made it's way inside me.  I felt
like I was being split open, but, I wanted him, more than anything I had ever
wanted in my life.

"Baby, take me, make me yours," I moaned.

He put the head of his beautiful dick up to my ass, and gently started pushing
in.  I knew that, even as well as he had loosened me up, it would be painful.
I mean, hell, he had a 9" dick!!  I may as well have been a virgin, since it
had been over 15 years since I had a man in me!!

I felt him stretching me, felt his huge head pushing into me.  I pushed back,
willing that big, fat, hot, hard dick into my ass.  I thought he was going to
rip me open, but, I felt him sliding in.  As soon as the head past my sphincter,
he stopped a minute.  As soon as the pain subsided, I pushed back against him,
he pushed into me, and in one fell swoop, he was in to the hilt.

"Oh, Steve, you feel so wonderful, baby," I said.

"You're so tight, Ted," he said, "and so hot.  I'm glad I've already cum once,
otherwise I'd pop my nut in nothing flat."

He started to slowly pull out, and I grasped him with my ass muscles, trying
to keep him in me.  He moaned his appreciation.  When he pushed back into me,
I relaxed, and he slid right back in, all the way.

"Oh, Ted, you feel so good.  You're so tight, and hot, and wet.  I could
make love to you forever, but, I'm not going to last long."

"I wish you could kiss me," I said.  I had tried to turn over, but the
twisting hurt my ribs.

"Soon, love, soon."

He started long dicking me, driving into me with such force.  I opened
myself to him, giving myself to him completely.  His breathing became
erratic, and his pumping did too.  About this time, Ron came out of
the bathroom.  Steve was almost there, and I felt him punch into me, and
I felt his dick jerk.

"Oh, fuck, baby...oh, damn....oh, shit" he said.  "You're awesome, Ted...oh,
God, I love you, man"

"Fill me with your seed, baby...make me yours," I responded, clenching
my muscles around his jerking dick.

Ron climbed onto the bed, in front of me, and started kissing me like
there was not tomorrow.  He broke away and said, "Do you two know how
beautiful you are?  Seeing you together like that makes me love you both
so much, but, Ted, I want you to, my love."

"I need you in me, Ron," I said, as I looked into his eyes, willing him
to see the love I felt for him.

Steve pulled out of me, and he and Ron changed places.

"This time, love, you'll have someone to kiss," he said, as Ron started
pushing into me.

I was nice and loose now, and easily managed Rons' nine incher.  I had
never had an uncut man before, and, from where I was, I couldn't tell
a difference.  Only when I was sucking him.

Steve started kissing me, taking my breath away as he stuck his tongue
down my throat.  Ron started making love to me, slowly.  He would pull
 all the way out, until just the head of his dick was still in me, me
grasping at him, trying to keep him in me.  Then, just as slowly, he'd
push back into me, and I would relax, loving the feel of his mammoth
dick inside me.

Steve was kissing me, trying to shove his tongue all the way down my
throat.  Then, he started kissing his way down my body, turning, bringing
us into a 69.  I swallowed him all the way in one swoop.  I could taste
myself and his cum on him.  It was an incredible turn on.

Ron started speeding up, his breathing beginning to become labored.  The
harder he pumped me, the harder I sucked Steve, the harder Steve sucked
me.  I could tell that the two of them were getting close, and Steve was
playing my flute masterfully.  I started groaning first.  I could feel my
orgasm building from somewhere deep inside me.  Then, Ron, sensing how
close I was, started hammering my prostate, sending me over the top.  I
started cumming, hard, into Steve's vacuuming mouth.  I was moaning all
over his big prick, my ass muscles clamping on Ron, and the two of them
rammed their pricks into me, one in my mouth, the other in my ass, and
they both started cumming.  Feeling Ron filling my ass full of his love,
and his seed, and drinking down Steve's offering, caused me to cum again,
albeit, not very much.  But Steve was on it, drinking my nectar,
sucking me clean.

In a moment, we all collapsed.  I was completely content.  I had one husband
still buried up my ass, and the other down my throat.  Their seed was dripping
from my now well worn ass, and I could taste Steve in my mouth.  I pulled
Steve out of my mouth and said, "I love you two.  You have just made me the
happiest man on earth."

"I'm not so sure about that," said Ron.  "We've been waiting to bring
you into our family for a long time.  Now, the three of us are one, we
are complete."

"I'll never stop loving, or missing Debbie and Nate," I said, "but I am
so grateful to God for giving the two of you to me."

"And we are equally blessed," said Steve.

"I love you guys," I said.

"I love you," Ron said to me.

"I love you, too," Steve said to me.

Ron got up, cleaned up in the bathroom, brought out a cloth and cleaned
Steve and me.  Steve helped me into the bed while Ron checked to make
sure all the doors were locked.

Ron came back and climbed in bed behind me, him spooning me, and
me spooning Steve.

"Dear Lord," I said, "Thank You for my husbands.  Thank You for
bringing us together, and for allowing us to love each other.  I pray,
Father, that you will bless our unusual marriage, help us three to
always love each other, help us to never pit one against the other,
but always put the needs of the other two ahead of our own.  We have
given ourselves to each other, and we, as a family, dedicate our lives
to You.  We love you, Father, and praise You for Your wonderful plan,
Your working in our lives, for Your blessings, and Your love.  Bless,
preserve and keep us, we pray. Amen."

"I love you, Steve," Ron said.  "I love you Ted."

"I love you, Ron, I love you Ted," Steve said.

"I love your Ron, and you Steve," I said.  More than you will ever
know.  I drifted off to sleep, warm and safe in the arms of my loving
husbands, as the snow started lightly falling again outside.
*********************************************************************

Note from the author.
This is a one part story.  I have no intention of followup chapters.