Date: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 08:26:23 -0700 (PDT)
From: Tara North <tremalkinger@yahoo.com>
Subject: White Tower Saga (Part 5)

(The usual disclaimer: This story contains details of explicit sexual acts
between females and females, and females and males.  If you're under
eighteen, or are turned off by explicit sexual contact, stop reading here.
Otherwise, enjoy!

This is based in a world roughly taken from Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time
novels.  In an interview I read at www.wotmania.com, he said that he didn't
mind if people wrote stories in his world, as long as they didn't use his
characters.  Keep in mind that I've altered many details to make the story
more in line with what I really think would be and not be.  Knowledge of
The Wheel of Time is not necessary, but it might let you understand things
that I don't take the time to explain.

Feel free to email me with questions, comments or suggestions about my
story and the upcoming chapters.  I hope to be a professional writer
someday, so I'd love to hear from you!

UPDATE: Thank you very much to everyone who has emailed me and gave me
encouragment and advice. I realize this part has taken me nearly
forever... its really long as recompense. Don't worry... for those few who
wrote to me and said I didn't have enough sex in the plot @_@ there's a
boy/girl scene at the end)

       As I tapped my quill against my paper, I realized that to say that
more changed in my first day in the White Tower than had changed throughout
the rest of my life would not be an exaggeration.  My first class was
called A Tapestry of the Past, taught by a Brown Sister named Seline.  She
proceeded to consume two hours of my life, and according to the slip of
paper Rena had given me before gently guiding me out the door and down
sixteen levels, the mind numbing tedium of the class wouldn't end for
another hour.  The Brown Sister had been describing what a Trolloc looks
and acts like for the last half hour, to `ooh' and `ahs' of my fellow
classmates.  Having seen them in person, I felt rather bored.
       My mind traced over what had transpired.  I had awoken up to
Amanda's gentle caresses, and hours of pleasurable but awkward
experimentation.  I buried my head in arms folded on the table to hide my
blushing cheeks.  I felt pangs of guilt, knowing what my parents would say
if they were still alive and knew about what I had done.  It was strange,
because I never used to be truly worried about disobeying my parents if I
felt I was doing the right thing.  My father was a gruff man during the
best of times, and a drunkard at the worst.  My mother was overprotective
of her children, and though most of the people of Arafel had learned long
ago that the women of their country must learn to fight if the Blight is to
be held back, she believed that women should stay in the home. But their
deaths brought new credence to their views, and my embarrassment and guilt
grew as I dwelled upon the thoughts of what had happened.  My mother's
disapproving voice played in my head.  Tears crept to my eyes, even as I
told myself over and over I was being silly.  Had I betrayed my family's
wishes, if not my family themselves, only days after they had died?
       The droning voice of the Brown Sister saying my name fairly close to
me brought me out of my self pity.  I brought my head up, and through tear
distorted eyes I saw the questioning gazes of the girls in the class
looking at me.  Distraught beyond words, mumbled an excuse and fled the
room.  My feet quickly brought me to the bench outside the room where I sat
and composed myself.  I sniffed and tried to compose myself.  Abject fury,
regret and embarrassment commingled in my mind, and it was all I could do
but sit there and not scream. Sister Seline ushered staring girls from the
doorframe back into the room, then gave me a glance of mixed annoyance and
pity and shut the door. I choked on my tears, breaking down
entirely. Images of my parents' shock and horror as they watched me from
the Afterlife danced in my head. My body was wracked with sobs, and I made
out a slim figure leaning against the stone wall not far from the bench
where I sat. I cleared my throat, coughed and then wiped my arm across my
bloodshot eyes to clear the vision. The figure was Rena, gazing at me with
a face that betrayed no thoughts.
       "What are you doing here." I said gruffly.
       "Checking up on you." she replied summarily. "I thought you might
have trouble adjusting, after the intense amount of stress you've been
through recently."
       "Yeah? Well you try having your entire family murdered in front of
your eyes and see how you feel!" I shot back at her, not caring that I was
lashing out at her for no fault of her own.
       She rolled her eyes. "I'll forgive the irony of that comment for the
fact that you don't know my past." She walked over and sat next to me,
putting her arm around my shoulders.
       "You... your family..."
       She stopped me by putting two fingers over my lips. "It doesn't
matter. Are you going to be alright?" I nodded glumly. "Good girl. You've
adjusted amazingly well... your entire world has been turned inside out
multiple times recently. You'll be fine."
       I wasn't sure if she was simply speaking in empty reassurances one
gives a child, but I nodded and felt better anyway. "When will I see you
again?"
       She reached into my pocket, her fingers tracing my upper thigh
through the thin fabric, and withdrew the schedule she had scribed upon
it. "Tonight you're scheduled for training with me. Well... every night you
are. I'll see you soon."

       ***

       My classes proceeded well after my first outburst. I got glances
from my fellow students as I reentered the room, but after that contributed
to the discussion and got several favorable looks and comments from
Seline. After that, a course in mathematics covered some basic things I had
already learned from my father, then finally an hour with a strikingly
beautiful Sister with black tresses which trailed to her knees. She taught
Customs of Illian and I was fascinated with her tales of the Hunt for the
Horn and other parts of Illian culture. I found Rena waiting for me at the
exit of the room. She wordlessly lead me up to her study, and after another
six flights of stairs I was about ready to swear off ever changing levels
in the Tower again.
       "Light, can you teach me to fly with the Power? Surely it would be a
useful skill in this place."
       Her lighthearted laughter never failed to make my heart skip a
beat. "T'would. But I'm afraid that no matter how good you get in the
Power, you'll never learn to hold yourself aloft. You can lift others, but
yourself... it's like trying to carry yourself with your hands... it
doesn't work."
       I scratched my head at her analogy. It didn't make much sense, but I
accepted the explanation. "Well... doesn't mean I can't wish."
       We walked into the chamber. It was massive, featuring an obsidian
black marble multi-tiered fountain in the center of the room. The tallest
level of the fountain was nearly fifteen spans in the air, shooting water
even higher, trailing down through the scores of levels until it reached
the lowest basin, which was a shallow indent in the floor. Each level had
miniature statues of legendary heroes, Jane Farstrider and his double
daggers, Brigitte and her silver bow, others that I couldn't identify. Her
bed was similar to mine, though the coloring was the same near-black green
of a Warder's pants and shirt. Her room also had an ornate desk and a
quarter of the room was empty other than two chairs and a small table with
a tea set in the center. She took her place at one chair, pouring out two
cups of tea into the teacups on the table then taking a sip and sighing
contently. I continued to alternate between staring at the room and looking
at her. She made a slightly annoyed noise and made a gesture for me to sit
in my chair. I did promptly, feeling uncomfortable, then raised my cup of
tea. I took a sip and gagged. The tea was thick, more viscous than tea
should be, and sickly sweet. She gave me an amused glance. "No? Well, its
an acquired taste, Domani tea. Something else?"
       "I'm fine, thank you." I replied, setting my saucer down. She sipped
her tea again, her eyes studying me, slowly going up and down my body. The
silence grew longer, and I returned her gaze evenly and
unchallenging. Finally the silence grew to an unbearable length. "Well?"
       "Well what?" she replied evenly in that unbearably superior tone.
       I tried to keep myself from growling. "Well... what are we going to
do?"
       She regarded me evenly. "Channel." A harsh, one word command.
       "What? I... I can't." I said, suddenly nervous again.
	"No?"
	"No! I don't know how... I've only done it once?"
	She was lit aglow with the Power, her voice dangerous. "Seize it!"
	My brain was a tumble with fear and confusion. "I can't!" I shouted
back.
	Her face twisted into a terrible visage of anger. "Then you'll pay
for your uselessness!" Flames gathered at her hands, and I could see the
red threads of heat knotting. I shrieked and reacted. Thick threads of my
spirit snapped the threads of fire violently, and she fell back into her
chair as though physically struck. Her expression changed to one of
happiness. "Good."
	I was frozen in a pose with my hands half raised, shielding my face
from the incoming attack. I stared at her. "... what?"
	She looked apologetic. "I was testing a theory. You have a Block,
like all Wilders. A certain emotional state you need to be in for you to
channel. Yours is terror."
	I slowly lowered my hands, feeling anger build in me. "You were
testing me? You could have told me..."
	"No... no I couldn't have. Then you wouldn't have actually been
frightened." She purses her lips. "I don't suppose you could repeat that?"
	I thought it over. "No... I don't even know what I did."
	"It's called Cutting... using your weaves to break those of another
Channeler. It's a very advanced technique." A beat. "Please try?"
	I blinked. "Well... alright." I closed my eyes, trying to recall
every detail. The fear... the defensiveness... I finally sighed. "No good."
	She glowed with the power again, and I shied back in defense. "No,
don't worry. I'll never repeat that again. You should get used to me
embracing the Power near you... it will happen quite a lot during these
lessons." The table with the tea set slid along the carpet to my right
almost five feet, getting out of the way between us. I could faintly see
threads of something around the legs, but I had trouble making it out. I
felt my chair lift into the air an inch, then move towards her a bit,
leaving only a couple spans between us. She was close enough to touch, and
radiant with the Power. "Tara?"
	"Yes?" I replied, feeling a bit of heat spread throughout my body.
	"Do you feel that, right there?"
	I shook my head, swallowing with difficulty.
	"You can feel yourself attracted to me, can't you." I swallowed
again. She was right, I knew. My body ached for her touch. "It's
normal... the more of the One Power I hold in me the more acute the
attraction will be."
	"It's... not real?" I asked carefully. I began to feel tiny pricks
on my arms as gooseflesh rose. I couldn't help but shiver.
	"It only awakens the slumbering sensuality within, just as
aphrodisiac might provoke a lover. A person who has no sexual interest in
women will feel nothing." She released most of the Power, leaving me with
only the slightest perception of light haloing her, but the desire welling
up in me didn't subside. "Aes Sedai learn to control how much they
suffuse."
	"And before I'm Aes Sedai?"
	She raised an eyebrow. "The more you train, the more potent it will
become, until you yourself learn to control it. The apex point between
strength of power and lack of control usually comes late in your time as
Accepted. The Accepted are usually very sexually active, no matter what
Ajah they enter."
	I shifted uncomfortably. "You speak of such things so easily..."
	"And the fact that you're uncomfortable with it shows how far you
have to go before you understand yourself." She looked at me
carefully. "You're resisting. You... don't approve of intimacy, do you."
	I sighed bitterly. "It feels good, sure. But it's against
everything I was taught... and so close on the heels of my parents..." My
eyes fell downcast. "You... you have five males..."
	"Yes, and I love all five of them."
	"But... that's wrong."
	"You, who have never been in love with anyone, deem yourself fit to
pass judgment upon my relationships?" I flushed with anger, but she shook
her head with a small grin, taking the sting out of the insult.
	"Love is supposed to be between a single man and a single woman." I
said with surety, then paused. "Isn't it?"
	"Love... love is a word which is a difficult one to use in a
discussion. On the surface, it's simple. Everyone knows what love is. Yet
depending on the context, it can mean very different things." I looked at
her intently, listening. She sighed and continued. "A person can love their
family, love their friends, and love their mate... each in a very different
way. To add layers of complexity, people say they love their mate, yet each
person does so in a different way."
	I shook my head. "That makes sense in a way, but..."
	 "You've been raised to try and fit the ideals of love into a
certain framework. But love doesn't get shoved into anything... it simply
is. Love, to me, is very strong bond of friendship. The knowledge that I
would give anything and everything I had for each of them, and that they
would do the same for me. They don't have to `share' me... each
relationship with each Warder simply is."
	I stared at her in mute thought. "I... I think I understand. That
makes sense. But... I don't..." I trailed off.
	After giving me time to start again, and realizing I wasn't going
to, she continued. "Don't worry about trying to change everything in your
life in one day. Some things exist because they must. Society will force
most people to conform their ideals of love into a mold which generates a
stable family unit, fit for raising children. That's fine, but some people
don't want to do it that way." A beat. "Don't force it. Things which
develop naturally are the best."
       "Is there a rule against..." I had trouble articulating it. "us..."
My voice failed.
	Rena understood regardless. "The only rules we have are the ones
you and I put in place." There was a long silence, and I daresay that Rena
was as uncomfortable as I. "Tara... you will need to eventually learn to
become comfortable with yourself. That doesn't mean you need to be
shameless, or to act on every instinct you ever feel. You'll need to decide
for yourself where you draw your own lines. But perhaps the most important
lesson I can ever teach you is how to recognize the lines that you've drawn
for yourself and the lines that have been drawn for you."
       I sat for a moment, still feeling the after effects of holding the
One Power. I could feel my senses still amplified slightly... the texture
of the chair against my skin, the thudding of my heart in my chest. I
yearned for her, and she was so close. But insecurities and internal
barriers had sprung up again, and I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I
could feel the heat on my cheeks, the now almost familiar
lightheadedness. "So... how do I train in the Power if I can't figure out
how to do it?"
	"You have to break your Block."
	I looked at her, puzzled, a red swelling in my vision and my mind,
distracting me. "I... how do I do that?"
	"Once you have channeled the Power of your own will instead of
because you are frightened, the Block will be broken."
	"But... that is a paradox. I can't channel the Power of my own will
until my Block is broken."
	"A quandary indeed." She murmured in return. "The solution involves
you tricking your own mind... each Novice is a unique case in how. But... I
have an idea for you." Light filled the air around her. I shivered, feeling
the repressed desire pool inside me, building.
	I considered her carefully. "I'm... I think I understand." I
realized my own bodies movement, unconscious actions taken of my own
accord: I was sitting at nearly the edge of my seat, leaning forward. Less
than a span separated our faces, and I looked at her carefully. Her skin
was a rich pink, and her hair a glimmering auburn, the locks spilling down
over her back in waves. I could scarcely breathe, such was the hold her
beauty had over me. She moved forward herself, until I could feel her warm
breath upon my lips. Her warm, crystal eyes bespoke volumes, and I knew I
could drown in them if I let myself. Her hand raised slowly, letting her
knuckles and fingers trace down my burning hot cheeks slowly and
gently. The backs of her fingers felt cool in comparison to my
embarrassment heated flesh, and with my eyes partially closed, I turned my
face into the glancing contact. Her hand turned over and moved across my
face, my moist lips lightly pecked her palm as she dropped it slowly back
into her lap. What time passed, I don't know, only that it seemed to me to
be forever with our gazes locked. Her voice, the barest breath of a
whisper. "Are you scared?"
       I could do naught but answer from my heart. "Yes."
       Her lips closed the final gulf between us, locking with mine. The
sheer exhilaration of the kiss was incredible. A tremble passed through my
body, traveling from my legs up my body then down my arms, raising
gooseflesh where it ran. My hands gripped piles of her silken locks,
keeping her close. Her hands, for their own part, gathered the hem of my
Novice dress, fingers tracing my smooth skin, pulling it up until it pooled
on my upper thighs. Her hands grasped me, abolishing the final distance
between us, letting our legs interlock. Her knee slid between my thighs,
parting the gathered upper and lower sheets of my dress with ease and
brushing lightly at my bare loins. I drank from her as though I had been
dying of thirst, cradling her head with my hands and pressing our embrace
together. Her tongue danced with mine, and I basked in her scent, the hints
of her own arousal mixing with mine. The Power flooded into me, filling me
with it's sweetness. Every feeling amplified, my awareness doubled. She
gently pulled us apart, her hands still locked in a grip on my hair, her
expression one of intensity. "Tara... you're going to be a wonderful
student."
       My hold on the Power was tenuous at best, but it was
there. "I'm... I'm really holding the Power?"
       She nodded with a grin, her knee gently rubbing against my
moistening loins. "The Block is gone. You've still got much training to do,
but now it can begin in earnest."
	I could feel the greater volume of blood streaking through my
veins, the rushing heat spreading throughout me, the pounding of my heart
through my chest which she certainly must feel. I was quickly moistening,
as her knee applied pressures in just the right spots. Then the knee slid
back, and she scooted her chair back shaking her head. I growled low in my
throat, too caught up in passion to care about propriety or respect. She
gave me a sharp look which finally brought reason back to my mind. "Tara."
Her voice was gentle but firm. "Not tonight. And never, ever make love
while holding the Power. You're likely to kill yourself." I slowly nodded,
embers of desire burning hot inside me. I felt the Power slip away, like a
volume of water finally running through a sieve when I had impossibly
managed to keep it in for a short time. I was frustrated, but I rose and
turned. Darien's trim form was leaning against the interior of Rena's
doorframe, and immaculate smile upon his face. "I had him summoned, to show
you to your new room." I sucked in my breath, looking back to her, then
back to Darien. Holding back every instinct I had to rush over and leap
into his arms, I slowly glided my way over her floor, giving him a smile of
poise and grace, and extended an arm. Darien interlocked his own arm with
mine, and I looked back to Rena. We had but a momentary look to settle
things between us, so I simply gave her a nod of thanks. She was
frustrating and strange, but I loved her dearly for all she had done. Her
expression back to me was one of... I struggled to place it. Her eyes were
narrowed but warm, and her mouth was drawn up in almost a pout. Was
it... envy? I decided to think upon it later.
	Rena had me assigned to a room on the same level as her, so there
were no more staircases for me to complain over. Still, the journey took
nigh a minute, and my mind made its way over my situation and what I would
do. When we arrived at my door, Darien dropped my arm and bowed
deeply. "Novice, I take my leave."
	I grabbed his arm as I opened the door. "No... no you don't." I
laughed. His startled yelp as I dragged his semi willing self into the room
made it all worth it. I quickly bolted the door behind him and turned upon
him as a feline upon prey.
       He made one last valiant attempt, and I suppose it summoned some
grudging respect for him, though I'd have no part of it. "Tara, don't you
think that... we should... maybe wait for..."
       I tackled him onto the soft purple covers of this new bed of
mine. "No... no I don't." I purred to him.
       Though to look back upon it as I transcribe this, I perhaps struggle
to find justification for my forwardness. Some may say that I need no
justification, that my actions were good and desirable. Others will look
upon me and call my behavior inappropriate. Being in either camp myself
depending upon my mood, I won't take favor to either side. However, to
those detractors, I'd just defend myself by reminding them of the effects
upon a woman when she first drinks of the Power willingly. It's an
incredible rush to have the command of the Five Elements like that, and you
become intoxicated with the power. Regardless, I'll simply tell my tale the
way it occurred.
       He struggled no more, wrapping his hands around my midsection and
rolling with me so he was on top. I continued the momentum so that I was
astride him again. This kisses never stopped, though sometimes they paused
for a moment for us to regain our breath. His hands reached down and
untucked my Novice's dress from under my knees. It reached below my knees
while I stood, but while kneeling over him, it proved no barrier. He simply
slipped his hands underneath and cupped my rear. I grinded against his
waist, feeling his thickness through his pants. My breathing was ragged,
and I pulled his lower lip up and nibbled it gently as my fingers deftly
unbuttoned his shirt. His hands ran up my back as I lay pressed to his
muscular chest, lifting the soft white dress up above my midsection. I was,
as he knew well, bare below that, and his one hand returned to my exposed
self while the other traced gentle patterns across my back while keeping
the dress from slipping back down. For my part, my arms were enwrapped
around Darien's head and I kissed him as deeply as I could manage. His
errant hand cupped my mound from behind as I lay crouched on him, softly
stroking me. I murmured something encouraging through the kisses, and he
slid a single digit inside me. I gasped loudly, startled out of the kissing
frenzy, and rested my forehead upon the pillow next to his face as I basked
in the sensations. He slid deeper inside me in his thrustings, and I felt
my muscles go weak. He was moving his position from out from under me,
though I could barely think for his finger inside me, and when I cracked my
eyes open, his face was hovering above mine, watching me intently as he
worked. I felt those recently discovered muscles to begin to tense, bracing
for the eventual end, and relished in it. I found the willpower to loosely
drape my arms around his neck and draw him to me, and though he seemed
perturbed that he could no longer watch my ecstasy wrought expressions, I'm
sure the kiss made up for it. His finger was inside my tight channel to the
hilt, and I felt my hips bucking of their own accord, deepening the
contact. My dress' straps drooped off my shoulders, and it didn't take him
long to draw it below my chest and use his tongue there. The combined
stimulus was more than I could take, and my mind tumbled down the red hazed
path of climax. Every muscle in my body drew taught, my back bowed, and my
voice cried out a single note of love. After that short eternity, I sagged
back down to the bed's surface, trembling like a leaf in the wind as I held
him.
       "So... are we even now?"
       His voice showed the jest, but I nipped him with annoyance
anyway. "Is that all this was? Paying back a debt?"
       He shook his head, holding me as the last ripples of my orgasm
subsided into afterglow. "No... of course not. I did this because I wanted
to."
       He moved to pull away but my hands found strength and I pulled him
back to me. "You don't think you get to leave yet, do you?"
       He smiled ruefully. "You want it again? My my..."
       My hands ran over his smooth chest, and I shook my head. My voice
was quiet and demure. "Stay with me tonight?"
       His expression changed to seriousness. "I would love to."