Date: Thu, 30 Jun 2011 07:07:31 -0700 (PDT)
From: Gene Hemings <lv2sc@yahoo.com>
Subject: I Didn't Want To Be Gay

  Being born in 1943 things were different back then. Yet I was always
thinking about a dick. As far as I can remember I never saw my parents
having sex, yet I wanted to see my younger brothers cock and balls through
the leg of his shorts as we played outside in the summer months. It just
looked good to me at 5 years old. I liked looking and feeling my own too!
Why, I had no idea.
  My parents seemed to move to another home about every two years or
less. Why I never understood this way of life either, as I was always
making new friends at another new school each time. This though did give me
more dicks to look at as I grew up.
  I believe you're born gay and have no other choice in the matter. Why
else would we try to be straight yet can not get those thoughts out of our
minds.  Dreaming about cocks, and other sexual activities in our sleep!
  In our sleep we can be what we want to be when we're awake. But we learn
quickly not to be gay in the presence of others. I dreamed of boys and
their dicks from the age of ten and still to this day.
  At about six I started looking and touching my brothers dick to see if it
looked exactly like my own and for the feel of it. I also looked at his
butt hole as well. Why? I just liked looking when I could.
  I never went further with him as I at that time was not really sexually
active. Just more inquisitive really.
  After a few sessions with my brother my two cousins same age as us, came
over to visit us at our house. I was 6 almost 7 my brother 5 years old. The
older cousin was a girl my brothers age. I suggested playing doctor in our
bedroom. They were just as interested in this as I was. Imagine my surprise
when the girl took off her panties and I saw my first pussy! She did not
have a cock! WOW! That was very interesting as a young boy. We all looked
closely at each others genitals with touching and smelling.
  I tried to put my finger in the girls pussy but it seemed too dry for
penetration. I tried prying it open with fingers of both hands to see where
her pee pee was, but did not see much so stopped trying to put my finger in
her pussy. I knew she had to pee through that hole but just could not see
where the pee came from other than it must have come through that huge
slit. I thought she had a dick up inside that cavity and naturally I wanted
to see it. How stupid we are as kids! Still I learned to this point of my
life a girl must be different from us boys.
  With these things learned, and a few days later.  I set out to confirm
for sure, that girls are different by checking out another girl.
  I got my next door neighbor girl, my same age and class at school, to let
me play doctor with her.
  But this time was different. We were on my front porch of one of those
real old homes. The lower part had a 3 ft. in closed wall all around the
bottom of the porch. We were short in height anyway so the wall gave us
privacy. Somehow we or maybe I knew we were doing something wrong too!
  This gave us privacy to the street and neighbors, but my mother could
have looked out the windows and seen us. Still we were both naked.  And I
now knew girls are for sure different, as only boys have dicks! She was not
as interested in seeing or feeling my cock but she did touch it. She was OK
with all I was suggesting. I thought, hey, lets try to put my dick in her
pussy. She was in for this to. That to me shows even girls think about sex
like boys or she would have said no and ran away from me.  I did not in any
way use force or words to keep her there, which told me she was interested
in what we were doing. She did seem to like my ideas to what I kept
suggesting.
  As I tried to put my soft dick in her dry pussy I was forced to realize
this is not what boys do with girls. It just would not penetrate inside
her. I was pissed off but did not really understand this situation or why.
  Imagine how far from wrong I was. I had no idea our dicks got hard when
it was time for sex with a girl! Of course I knew nothing at all about
sex. It was two years later, at 8 years old, I found out that that is sex
and I was closer to learning how I was right after all.
  This girl went home, to I'm sure, proudly telling her mother about what
we had been doing. Her mother wasted no time coming over to my house to
tell my mother what I had done with her daughter. I was still on the porch
thinking about what had transpired and hearing her read my mother out!. She
was pissed, yet my mother never mentioned anything to me about this subject
after the lady had gone. Later I wondered why my mom did not tell me boys
six years old do not do things like that with girls.
  At eight years old we had moved away to another house where two neighbor
brothers started talking about guys fucking girls. Stupid me, I must have
looked like I had no idea what they were saying, which I did not know or
understand what was being said. They both laughed and said you really do
not know about sex do you? I admitted I did not, even then I was not
thinking about the front porch girl. So these brothers proceeded to explain
the birds and the bee's to me and explaining that boys dicks get hard to
have sex. For some reason unknown to me, as they kept telling me these
things, my dick now started to get hard in my pants for the first time in
my life! It was then I knew, yes a boys dick does get hard and it does go
in a girls pussy for sure.  Proving I was on the right track two years
before. I did not tell the brothers about my porch session with the
girl. For some reason I was afraid to bring it up.
  As a growing boy you learn that at school in the 50s the boys bathrooms
had urinals that went to the floor. This gave me many opportunities to see
my classmates dicks as we took our piss. I was amazed when I saw my first
uncut cock. I had no idea a dick was in a shroud of skin! With that I was
constantly trying to see more cocks to learn the amazing differences boys
dicks can be. The colors, the size the width and thickness, cut or uncut,
short or longer, it just seemed to make me more interested. Of course too
at this time, I started to see how some boys seemed really attractive to
me. Those boys I especially wanted to see their cocks. It was not cool to
like girls at that age anyway.
  As I got caught looking at boys dicks, I was reprimanded as being a queer
for staring at their dick. Which this started my lessons on gays and being
heterosexual.
  I also started to think about putting a boys dick in my mouth. Sure by
this time I was told that queers as they were called back then, in the
1950s, did like to suck cock! At this time it was made obvious it was not
morally acceptable to be gay or queer.  Queers or homosexual kids learn it
was not cool to be homosexual or you could get your ass beat up by the homo
phobic bully.
  As you hear this about queers more and more you get paranoid about
yourself and wonder why you like boys more instead of girls more. This
makes you go into the closet and keep your mouth shut about it.
  At this time your still not sure your different than the other boys, just
that it seems weird to you that you see boys as being more beautiful than
girls. You ask yourself why am I liking boys more than girls, so you tell
yourself to look at girls and see the beauty in them and why you need to be
heterosexual.  Mind you I did like looking at the girls I thought were
beautiful. I also started to think I would love to fuck a girl and eat her
pussy. Still I was not aware that some people are Bi sexual. I was at that
time bi sexual. I'm still married but there is no sex between us any more.
  When I was ten years old my parents moved again to another area. In the
fifth grade I was friends with a boy named Jim, not his real name. We hung
around together at school but he lived to far from me to visit at his
house, but he did come to my place a few times.
  Again, a couple years later, my parents moved. But this time it was about
a half block from my friend Jim. I was born in August and he was born in
September the same year.
  That was when we became really close buddies and friends. Still I was not
attracted to him like I was the boys at our school that I thought were
beautiful and really good looking. He was good looking but he did not cause
me to want to suck his dick like the good looking boys at school.
  At twelve years old we always just whipped our dicks out to pee when we
were outside playing. Of course we were not seen by people but we did this
quite often. I think we actually like looking at the other boys cock as we
were peeing. Otherwise why else would we do it like that.
  About six of us boys, from our neighborhood decided we were going to jack
off together in another boys huge shed in his back yard. I honestly had
never done this. Had no real inkling what you really did when you jacked
off. Still I was apprehensive and scared to show my cock because I was
afraid it was smaller than theirs. As it turned out it was like theirs and
normal. Later I learned there are cut and uncut cocks, huge cocks, fat
cocks, skinny cocks and small cocks.
  We did this about a half dozen times together. The first time I did it it
was such an awesome tingling feeling when I came but no jizz came out. We
laughed and talked about how good it felt. My buddy had the same experience
as I did, just that tingly feeling.
  We knew we had to do this often and loved that tingly feeling. My buddies
older brother did cum and we were in awe of his white cum. He had told us
the first time nothing cums out usually. And so it was like that for me and
my buddy. The other boys stopped jerking off early and did not cum. They
were kind of weird guys anyway!
  We accepted it as normal to jack off together after this time.
  On our second session a few days later I spurted a huge load of white cum
so far it went past my head as it squirted out for my first cum. The boys
joked and laughed about it as it looked like I might get hit in the face
with the jizz.  I don't remember ever having my cum spurt so far after this
time. It landed close to my chin a few times but that was it! My buddy and
I jacked off at least twice a day together until we were 18 years
old. Either he or I would start it by reaching over and grabbing each
others dick through our jeans. That started our cocks growing and it was
not going to stop till we jerked ourselves off to completion. Sometimes we
jerked off three and four times in a day. Never could we get to five.
  My buddies dick looked exactly like my own cut cock which now started to
get me interested in sucking his dick, but I never said a word as he to was
always talking about the queers we knew at school. Those boys really did
act different and had voices like girls, so it was obvious they were gay
and we were not going to talk to them or associate in any way.
  My buddy suggested we pitch a tent in his yard and sleep outside on one
hot July night, We put blankets over his mothers cloths drying line
attached to the house and a pole out in the yard. It was cool doing this
for my first time doing an outside sleep over.
  We had often mentioned girls from school we would like to fuck. At twelve
and thirteen we dreamed of that but we knew it was never going to
happen. Just fodder for our conversations.
  As we lay naked jerking off in his yard in our neat home made tent, we
started talking about sex of all kinds. We were both horny as all hell. He
suggested we should try kissing each other to develop a good technique when
we did get ourselves a girl friend. I agreed to this as I wanted to see
what it was like to kiss a girl too! We did the regular kiss for a few
seconds and then again over and over till we both agreed we had our
technique down pat. I enjoyed kissing him too! Then he suggested we try
french kissing. So we stuck our tongues in each others mouth for quite some
time. Then he suggested we fuck each others butt. I was really into this
idea. We had no lube except spit but that did work for us. I went first by
spitting on my fingers and working it into his ass. It felt good as I
slowly put one finger in and then two fingers and then three fingers in his
pink rosebud asshole. After lubing and stretching his butt out I lubed my
cock and slowly
 started to penetrate his asshole with the head of my cock as he lay on his
stomach. He was yelping it hurts but we kept going till I had my dick all
the way in his rosebud hole. After he got used to my dick in his ass he
said go for it. I pumped him slow then faster and faster. The feelings of
my dick in his ass was awesome. Even better than a pussy in my mind.
  The excitment was tremendous as I pumped his ass for a couple of minutes,
and finally I pulled out and squirted cum all over his back and butt. The
feelings were fantastic.
  Now it was his turn to fuck me. The feelings of his finger going in my
hole was great. It was better as he did two then three fingers and his
pumping my butt with his fingers. I could not wait for his dick to be in
me, as he put his dick head to my hole and started pushing. Slowly it went
in and finally he was in all the way. It felt like I was needing to take a
shit when he was in all the way. We stayed still with him lying on my back
and kissing my neck as we rested. As he started slowly in and out the
feelings were over the top for me. I knew then I wanted to be the bottom
for life. He pumped for a few minutes and said he was ready to cum. I said
go on and fill my butt with your cum, I want your baby! Not really I was
only joking. He almost lost it with laughing and trying to cum in my ass.
The warm hot feeling of his cum was awesome to me as well. It leaked out
all over our bottom blankets soaking them bad. But the feelings of fucking
a butt or getting your own butt fucked are the best feelings of all. We
were spent by this time so we agreed it was time to rest and get some
sleep.
  We agreed to camp out again the next day. We knew we were going to have
to try all this sex stuff again.
  As we again were in our tent talking about the previous nights action, he
said to me suck my dick! I said no you suck mine. We bantered back and
forth about you go first no you go first. We eventually said we would sixty
nine and both of us would suck on the count of three. We both waited for
the other to start the suck. We must have done this ten times yet never put
our lips or tongue on the others dick.  Finally we agreed to just kiss each
others dick head which eventually we did. Then we said we had to put the
others dick in our mouths, which I did his but he was a long time in doing
mine but he did do it. We never did more than that even though today I wish
I had gone ahead and sucked his dick. I think he would have done me but
still not sure about him. No one wants to be accused of being gay in public
even to this day in 2011.
  I was afraid he would tell on me and he was afraid I would tell on
him. This was now my inauguration into dick sucking but not really a good
suck. As far as I know, neither of us talked about that night to anyone,
until this story. We still talk now and then on the phone, but we never
mention our teenage years and our sex together. Perhaps if we meet someday
we can finish that suck session. I now believe we both were gay but would
not admit it at that time nor ever!  We're both married with kids to cover
what I feel we both are gay in reality. What we did as kids was enough to
prove to me we were gay!
  I knew I would have to suck a dick as his cock was so soft yet hard and
such a fantastic feeling and taste when I did put his dick in my mouth for
just that one or two seconds of time! Still it was not until I was fifty
three years old before I sucked my first dick! Hard to believe but
true. I'm now a confirmed dick sucker for life!
  So "DO YOU" wonder if you were like me and so scared of what society
would do or say if you were caught? Yet so many other guys were really into
dick sucking when they were young and they look and talk like every other
straight guy we know! How was it I was scared of being outed yet those guys
knew how to get other guys to do mutual suck sessions. I sure do wish I
knew how they did it and how they were into dicks long before I got my
first suck! Or a guy could have asked me if I wanted to get sucked.

  If you like this true story and have comments my email is lv2sc@yahoo.com