Date: Tue, 7 Nov 2000 06:52:27 EST
From: Bwstories8@aol.com
Subject: A Place In My Heart - chapter 6

Legal Notice:
The following story contains descriptions of graphic sexual acts.
The story is a work of fiction and has no basis in reality.

Don't read this story if:
**You're not 18 or over,
**If it is illegal to read this type of material where you live,
**Or if you don't want to read about gay/bi people in love or having sex.

The author retains copyright to this story.  Placing this story on a
website or reproducing this story for distribution without the author's
permission is a violation of that copyright.  Legal action will be taken
against violators.

I wish to extend my thank you to Ed for his editorial assistance with this
chapter.

If you have enjoyed reading this story, you will find other stories by me at
http://members.tripod.de/wolfslair, in the 'Other Stories' section.

E-mail responses to the stories, story suggestions, or other 'constructive'
comments or advice may be sent to: bwstories8@aol.com.

                  *    *     *     *     *     *     *     *

A Place in My Heart - by BW                    Copyright 2000 by billwstories
Chapter 6 - Never the Twain shall meet.        February 2000

I was right.  Christmas was a real bummer.  I've never been so depressed or
felt so alone as I did during the week between Christmas and New Year's.  I
never thought I'd hear myself say this but I was glad the holiday was over
and that school was starting again.

The first weekend after Christmas break, I took Amber to the school dance.
We were able to slip away for a while and we got to make out pretty heavy.
Of course, we started out with some passionate kissing and the old tongue
tango got real serious.  While we were kissing, I slipped my hand under her
sweater and I was able to feel her tits without her complaining.  She
didn't wear a bra that night, which I can only guess that she did on
purpose, so it was all bare skin under my explorative touch.  Well, I guess
that my feeling her up gave her courage level a boost and the next thing I
knew she was stroking my hard cock through my jeans.  Man, I almost shot my
load right there.  Even though we were both enjoying ourselves, all good
things must come to an end and we knew that we had to get back to the dance
before we were missed.  I left that session hoping that we could even go a
step further on our next date.  Hehehe.

We went back to the dance and they were playing a slow song.  I grabbed her
in my arms and I just held her as closely as I could.  When that song
ended, they played a faster song and we stayed on the dance floor.  I
watched her every move and I began to realize that she looked like Jordan
had when he was in 7th grade.  Her coloring, her smile, her attitude, and
her personality were just like his.  Wait, why the hell am I thinking about
him?  Am I really comparing my girl friend with my former best friend?  Was
it possible that I started dating Amber because she was a female copy of
Jordan?  Did I do that subconsciously or was it just a coincidence?  What
would that mean if I did do it subconsciously?  Would that mean that I
really wanted to be with Jordan or did it mean that I missed him so much
that I was trying to replace him?  My mind was reeling from all of these
thoughts so I decided that it was time to move on to another topic.  I had
to force myself to start thinking about something else before I totally
lost it.

The dance ended but I couldn't walk her home.  Her dad picked her up in
front of the school and he took her directly home with him.  Oh, well.  I
walked to my house and all I could think about was how much she really did
look like Jordan.  Hell, she could have passed for his twin sister.  Man,
this is getting really strange.  Why do I keep thinking about him?  Why
can't I get him out of my mind?

A couple of weeks later, after a basketball practice, I heard some
interesting news.  It seems that word was out that Brian Bowers was
definitely gay.  I guess he was taking one of his books out of his backpack
in class when a magazine fell from it and landed on the floor.  It turned
out that it was a gay magazine filled with all kinds of pictures of naked
guys.  I guess everybody that sat near him saw it and, before he could
stuff it back into his backpack, everyone in the room knew that he had it.
They said he turned a glowing red the rest of the period and he tried to
shrink in his seat as everyone stared at him or talked about what had
happened.  From what I can tell, almost everyone in the school knows about
this now, so Jordan had better become aloof and stay away from Brian or
they're going to find out about him, too.  I'd never say anything about
him, myself, because I know how miserable some of those pricks can be if
they think someone is gay.  I'd never be the one to cause Jordan to go
through that kind of pain or humiliation.

Well, basketball season finally ended.  We finished 10-4 but I never did
get the starting guard job.  I did play a lot more during the final games
of the season, though, so I guess that I was improving.  In fact, my
outside shooting is getting better all of the time.  It's just that I have
to work on my ball handling some more.  Jordan didn't lose his starting
spot, either, but his playing time did get reduced considerably.  In the
past, he had played nearly every minute of every game.  By the end of the
season, he was getting a healthy breather in the middle of both halves.
I'm not sure if it bothered him because most of the time he acted as if he
didn't even want to be there.  That definitely wasn't like Jordan.  He had
always been so aggressive that everything we did turned into a competition,
from who could get ready for bed first to who woke up earliest the morning.
He had always been so competitive in everything that he did that it was
hard for me to see him lose that edge.

Things started getting worse for Brian, as well.  Some of the upper
classmen decided it was their duty to torture the 'little fag boy'.  When
he was in the hall they'd smash him into other people or into the lockers.
In the cafeteria, they would trip him or knock his tray out of his hands.
I was disgusted, watching them, and I even wanted to help him but I knew
that they'd turn on me and think I was a fag or something.  Even if the kid
was gay, he didn't deserve to be treated like that.

I noticed he and Jordan weren't sitting together at lunch any more and
eventually I didn't see Brian at lunchtime at all.  I guess he decided that
it would be safer to go home for lunch or to eat out.  I can't blame him,
though, but that just encouraged the assholes to be even more merciless to
him in the hallways.  If it got any worse, he was going to need an armed
escort just to get to and from class.  I even heard that one of those
creeps beat him up one day after school, claiming that Brian tried to hit
on him and wouldn't take no for an answer.  Hardly anyone believed that
story and most people thought it was just an excuse to beat up the queer.
There were a growing number of people who were becoming disgusted with
these upper-classmen but nobody seemed to have the balls to stand up to
them.  For Brian's sake, I hoped that someone would, and soon.

Things were progressing very nicely for Amber and me, as well, though there
were some problems.  We had to learn to deal with the fact that her parents
were very strict and they didn't give us a lot of time to do things alone.
We tried to neutralize this fact by helping them to know us better.  I had
even gone over to her house to meet her folks and I had taken her home to
meet mine.  My mother just loved her and told me that she was very cute and
that she was happy that I had found such a nice young girl.  My father gave
me the sign that he approved and I noticed him watching her a lot.  In
fact, I think that if my father had been my age he would have tried to cut
in on my action.  Wouldn't that have been weird?  Anyway, Amber told me
that she was spending the next weekend staying over with one of her girl
friends, Nicole.  It seemed that Nicole's parents were going out of town
for the weekend but Amber didn't tell her folks that fact.  Nicole was
inviting her boyfriend over and Amber wanted me to come over too.  That
would leave both couples all alone in Nicole's house to do whatever we
wanted.  It was a definite date for Saturday.

Every time I looked at Amber, I still couldn't get it out of my mind how
mmuch she looked like Jordan. Maybe that is what first attracted me to her.
I really can't remember.  I was sort of missing my best friend and,
possibly, I was using her to fill the void.  I really like her, though, and
I'm hoping that I'm going to get laid for the first time on Saturday.  I
mean, that time with Jordan doesn't count - no way, no how.

That Friday in school, one of the juniors did stand up to one of those
senior bullies when he was shoving Brian around.  As I suspected, the
senior ended up beating the junior to a pulp, calling him a faggot lover,
butt fucker, and a few other choice names as he was doing so.  I'll give
the junior an A for guts but he failed when it came to smarts.  The senior
did get suspended from school for that stunt and there was a chance that he
might even be expelled for the fight.  No matter what the school board did
to him, that still left the rest of the group and they would probably be
even tougher on Brian, trying to exact revenge for their friend's
misfortune.

Saturday night rolled around and I headed to Nicole's house for my date.
Man, I was horny just thinking about it.  The night started slowly but I
didn't let my hopes wane.  We started by sitting around eating pizza and
drinking sodas before Nicole put this 'chick flick' in the VCR.  Neither
her boy friend nor I were interested in the movie though the girls thought
it was the greatest.  We sat through the entire thing and then both couples
started to make out.  Finally!  It wasn't long before Nicole and her
boyfriend disappeared, I think they went to her bedroom, and Amber and I
sneaked down to their basement recreation room for some privacy.  Besides,
we thought we might get in a little workout of sorts (hehehe).

The light switch was on a dimmer, so we put it on very low.  We started to
make out and our hands were all over each other.  We were kissing hard and
my tongue was doing a dance across the inside of her mouth.  I was letting
my oral muscle explore all those areas that had been opened up to me and
Amber was trying to do the same thing.  During this time, I started to lift
her sweater up and over her head and we broke our kiss only long enough to
get it off.  I resumed kissing her all around the face before I began
nibbling on her ear lobes and the soft underside of her neck.  Gradually, I
worked my way down to her upper chest and toward her pert breasts.  I had a
hell of a time undoing her bra and, after an heroic struggle, I got it off
and dove for her nipple.  I flicked my tongue out at it, as I had done with
Jordan in the past, and I started to suck on it like a nursing infant.
There I go again.  Right in the middle of making out with Amber, I think
about Jordan again.  When I shouldn't have anything but my girl friend and
the pleasures we're enjoying on my mind, wham - there's Jordan.  Thoughts
of him just keep popping up at the strangest moments but how am I going to
get him out of my mind, once and for all?  I'll have to think this out
later but, for now, it's time for me to get back to work.

After I had finished licking and sucking on both of her tits, she removed
my shirt as well.  Her hands roamed freely over both my chest and my back
and we rubbed our bare flesh against each other.  I got bold and reached
down and unsnapped her jeans and let my hand slide down under the waistband
and into her panties.  My middle finger slid lower, worked its way thru her
pubes, and was gliding up and down over the lips of her pussy.  Gradually,
I let that finger work its way into her tunnel, desperately playing with
her clit before I began to finger-fuck her.  This seemed to embolden her
and she reached over and unfastened my jeans as well.  She let her hand
reach down past the elastic top of my boxers, grasped my iron rod that was
already leaking with pre-cum and she began to stroke it up and down.  We
did this for another minute or so and then we stood up and discarded the
remainder of our clothing.  We lowered our bodies back down to the floor
and then I swung myself into a 69 position with her.

I didn't hesitate at all and I began licking my way up her thighs, heading
for her snatch.  It took her a few seconds to catch on to what I was doing
and, slowly, she figured it out and started to lick my dick.  I kept going
and, when I reached her cunt, I let my tongue lick up and down the length
of her slit.  I continued that for a while before I let my tongue dart in
and out of her slippery hole, getting my first taste of her juices.  She
was very wet and her pussy juices were kind of bitter, definitely not as
sweet as Jordan's pre-cum or cum.  Damn, there I go again, thinking about
Jordan.  What the hell am I doing?  I went back to work on her snatch,
sucking on her clit, and she started to mouth my dick.  Suddenly I had to
stop what I was doing, pull up, and give her a quick lesson on cock
sucking.  I guess, not having one herself, she had no idea of how to give
good head.  After the lesson, she continued to suck on my prick but she
just couldn't get the hang of it or do it as well as Jordan could do it for
me.  Shit, there's that name again.

I couldn't take it any longer so I pulled out of her mouth and swung around
to get ready to mount her.  I reached into my pants pocket and pulled out a
condom, broke the foil pouch and slid it over my member.  I was now ready
to pass through the 'Pearly Gates'.  I lined my cock up with the opening to
her cunt and I slowly started to enter.  My penis slipped in fairly easy
and, before long, I had all 7.75" of my dick inside her cunt.  She moaned a
little as I entered her, but now she would feel all the pleasure I could
give her with my throbbing prick.  I started a nice gentle rhythm in and
out of her fairly slippery tunnel and I was soon panting and pumping harder
and harder.  It felt great, sliding back and forth in her but the walls of
her vagina didn't caress my prick as tightly as the walls of Jordan's
rectum had.  Uggggggggh, I was thinking of Jordan again.  Before long, I
felt that burning sensation in my groin and I knew that I was getting ready
to shoot my load.  I stroked faster and faster, sliding the whole length of
my shaft in and out of her canal until I finally exploded, sending several
strong waves of semen into the tip of the rubber.  We humped for a little
while longer and then I rolled off of her and lay beside her on the floor.
We were both panting deeply and I rolled over, kissed her on the cheek and
I thanked her.  I lay there beside of her, studying her face, when I
realized she had the same type of nose as Jordan.  Aaaahhhhhhh, I've done
it again.  Here I should be enjoying my first female fuck and I keep
thinking about Jordan.  What in hell is wrong with me?  What we just did
was fun, it was exciting, and it was good but not quite as good as fucking
Jordan's ass.  Oh, my God, what did I just do?  I admitted that fucking
Jordan's ass was better than doing Amber.  What the hell is wrong with me?

I got my thoughts back together, we got dressed, and we went back up to
wait for Nicole and her boyfriend in the living room.  We kissed some more
and she told me how much she enjoyed what we had just done and she told me
how good I was.  About 15 minutes later, the other pair strolled back into
the room and they blushed, thinking that we knew what they had been doing.
Seeing we were in the same place that they had left us, they weren't sure
if we had done the jungle dance ourselves.  Oh, well.  What they don't know
won't hurt them.

Eventually, the two of us guys left but I walked home alone.  All the way
home I thought about what had happened and I, unconsciously, kept comparing
it to what I had done with Jordan.  Damn, I've got to get over this or I'm
going to drive myself crazy or turn as queer as he is.  That night I slept
soundly but memories and pictures of Jordan kept invading my dreams.

Monday, we went back to school and there was a lot of whispering going on.
I started to ask around about what was up, when I heard the news.  Brian
Bowers had committed suicide.  My God!  I couldn't believe it.  I guess he
couldn't take all of that abuse any more and he decided that this was the
only way to check out of the Homophobic Hotel.  Why couldn't I have had the
guts to stand up to those assholes and protect that poor kid?  He wasn't
such a bad guy.  It was just that he was gay.  If he had been straight, he
probably would have been a popular kid and had a lot of friends.  How could
I...how could we, the whole damn school, let a handful of bullying gay
bashers torture this kid so long and so unmercifully that he thought the
only way out was to end his own life?  I was no longer feeling remorse over
Brian's death, now I was angry.  I was angry with all of us who had let
this continue and I was angrier still with those morons who had harassed
that poor kid.  I was hoping, no, praying, that those merciless assholes
get punished for this and that it's the most severe punishment possible.

After about an hour, I found out from someone else exactly what had
happened.  From what she told me, Saturday night Brian's parents went out
to dinner and he stayed home alone.  They asked him to join them but he
declined, saying he had other things that he wanted to do.  From what the
police could tell, he went and got one of his father's shotguns, loaded it,
took it out in the garage, put the barrel in his mouth, and pulled the
trigger.  When his parents came home from their dinner, his mother got out
in front and went into the house.  His father opened the garage door,
started to pull the car in, and that's when he saw his son's lifeless body
in the glow of the headlights.  It must have been awful for his parents to
have to find him like that.  Hell, it would have been awful to find him
dead, no matter how it had happened.  I'll bet they're blaming themselves
for going out and leaving him alone.  I know that they're feeling bad but,
if he was set on killing himself though, there was nothing they could have
done to stop it.  If he hadn't done it then, he would have just found
another way or another time.

Suddenly, I thought about Jordan.  Shit!  I wonder how he's handling the
news.  They had been friends.  They had been close.  Fuck!  Had I treated
Jordan any better than those gay bashing assholes had treated Brian?  Sure,
I didn't beat him up or torture him, but I didn't hurt him any less.  The
pain I caused Jordan wasn't physical, like with Brian, it was worse.  I
caused him the kind of pain that couldn't be seen and was harder to treat.
I emotionally abused him since that night he told me that he loved me and
that he was gay.  Now, I was a man on a mission.  I was looking all over
the school for him when an announcement came over the PA system, stating
that all students were to go to the auditorium for an assembly.  Shit!  I
have to find Jordan first.  I have to see how he is and I need to apologize
to him for the way I've treated him.  I need to let him know how I feel
about him and let him know that we're still friends.  I have to let him
know that things aren't so bad that he would have to consider the way out
that Brian took.  I needed desperately to find him but I guess that I'll
just have to look for him in the assembly and talk to him later.

I went into the auditorium and sat with a couple of guys I knew.  The
principal entered, walked up to the podium, and he began to speak.

"Students, if I may please have your attention.  I imagine that many of you
have already heard the news about Brian Bowers.  It was a very tragic
situation and I'm sure there are many who are coping with deep emotional
issues concerning this.  Because of what has happened, there will be
counselors available in the guidance office to talk to any students who
want to discuss their feelings about Brian's death or to just talk about
the entire situation in general.  Some students have recently approached me
and informed me about the way Brian had been treated the past few weeks.  I
wish someone had come to me sooner about this but I promise that there will
be a full investigation into this matter.  Any students who have been
involved with unlawful or harassing behavior will be dealt with severely.
We are cooperating with the local and state police on this matter.

"I am always saddened by the tragic loss of any of the members of our
educational community but it is even more sad when the loss is due to
self-inflicted wounds, especially those which have been generated as a
result of abuse or neglect.  I wish to extend my condolences to Brian's
entire family and to his friends.  The family has asked me to announce that
there will be calling hours tonight from 7 - 9 P.M., closed casket of
course, and the funeral will be held at St. Michael's tomorrow at 10:00.  I
just ask that any students wishing to attend the funeral clear it with my
office some time today.

"Before I dismiss you to return to your homerooms, I have a student who
asked me to allow him to speak with you.  I wouldn't usually consider this
but, after a lengthy discussion with this individual, I've decided to make
an exception to my rule.  I think you all should hear what he has to say
because he had a great impact on me with his message.  I'm now turning the
podium over to him so that he can make his remarks about this sad
situation."

I could tell that the entire student body was doing the same thing that I
was, trying to figure out who would speak out for Brian Bowers.  Maybe it
was that junior who tried to protect him or maybe he actually had another
friend.  We watched the side of the stage for the person to enter and I
nearly fainted when I saw that it was Jordan.  Man, what is he doing?  Is
he trying to commit suicide, too?  Hasn't he heard of death by bigot?  I
wanted to run up there and pull him off the stage, to protect his future,
but it was too late.  There was nothing I could do now.

"I think you all know who I am," he began.  "What I don't believe you know
is what I am."  My heart nearly stopped as he said those words.  "I am, or
I was, a friend of Brian Bowers.  Not a good friend, mind you, because I
didn't have the guts to defend him or stand by him when he needed me most.
I was a cowardly friend who stood on the sidelines and watched as a group
of animals singled him out and then attacked him for the kill.  I watched
them slowly torture him, stripping from him every shred of self-worth and
every ounce of decency that he harbored within his sweet, gentle soul.
Brian was a very kind, very loving individual who had only one fault, one
minor trait that many of you felt was beyond forgiveness.  It was a trait
that made him a marked man.  Brian Bowers was gay.

"Most of you never really knew him.  You wouldn't let yourselves know him
because it was rumored that he was gay and you were afraid of the
connotation that term held.  He was a decent and loving human being, a
kinder soul you'd never find.  He would do anything to help a person in
need and he wouldn't harm a flea.  Some of you out there, and you know who
you are, couldn't find it in your hearts to accept his differences and
treat him as a young man, nothing more.  Some others went even further and
they felt that they had to punish him for being different.  They were the
self-proclaimed, self-righteous defenders of morality that thought being
gay was worse than being a thief or even a murderer.  They, themselves,
became the thieves and murderers when they robbed him of his humanity
before they killed his sweet, loving soul.  Oh, they may not have pulled
the trigger of the gun that ended his life but they killed him just the
same.  I hope the law and the courts can properly deal with these bullies
but, just in case the system fails, there is a higher authority they will
have to answer to one day.  You may be able to fool the law or other people
about your role in his death but you won't be able to fool God.  He knows
what thoughts blackened your hearts and consumed your souls.  He knows the
real reasons and motivations for your actions.  If I were you, I'd be
shaking in my shoes, knowing that I'm going to face an eternity in hell
because of my intolerance.

"Unfortunately, I may not be any less guilty.  Brian and I became friends
at the beginning of January.  I got to know him, I got to love him and I
got to understand what he was going through."  There was an audible gasp
throughout the auditorium when Jordan said that he got to love him.  "When
the situation got bad and he was feeling hurt and alone, I abandoned him
because I was afraid to face what I was.  I stopped hanging around him and
talking to him because I didn't want the abuse to spread over to me.  When
he needed a friend the most, someone who could understand him and empathize
with him, I was anything but a friend.  He called me earlier that Saturday
and asked me if I would come over and just talk with him but I brushed him
off by telling him that I was too busy and that I didn't have the time.
I'm sure that he knew that it wasn't because I was too busy or that I had
other plans, he knew that I was afraid to take a stand and that I had
turned my back him.  I was afraid to announce to the world that I, too, am
gay."

There was another loud gasp and then the room started buzzing.  I knew what
was going through everyone's minds at that minute because it was also going
through mine.  Even though I knew that Jordan was gay, it didn't stop me
from following the same train of thought.  After a fairly lengthy pause,
Jordan started speaking again and everyone finally quieted down.

"I know some of you may find it hard to accept the fact that I'm gay.  I'm
not a wimpy little nerd, like you tried to classify Brian as.  I'm an
athlete, a very good athlete, and I've dated lots of girls.  Well, I want
to apologize to those girls because I misled them and I used them to cover
my true feelings.  I dated all of those girls to keep the rest of you from
learning about my secret.  However, after this, I can't keep my secret any
longer.  I can't let you destroy some other person because he's different
and doesn't fit your mold.  I don't care whether it's their sexual
preference, their race, their religion, their looks, their weight, or
anything else.  Someone has to stand up and stop the intolerance before
there's no one left but the bigots.  If I had stood up a week ago and made
this stand, poor Brian might be alive today.  If any of you bastards out
there, the ones who drove Brian to commit that act, want a piece of me,
well, you know where to find me.  Be advised, however, that I'll fight back
and I'm not going to let you destroy me like you did him.  If you want a
piece of me, you better be prepared to be bloodied yourselves.

"I just want to finish this by saying that I'm sorry, Brian.  I'm sorry for
letting you down.  I'm sorry for letting myself down, and I'm sorry for
letting our school down.  I hope that some day we will meet again and you
will find it in your heart to forgive me."

As Jordan left the stage and went out the side door into the corridor, the
principal announced that we were dismissed and we were to go back to our
homerooms.  I couldn't.  I had to go find Jordan.  I fought through a sea
of humanity, fighting my way toward the exit through which I had seen him
leave.  I finally reached that exit and, as I moved through the doorway,
there was Jordan leaning against the wall, his eyes closed.  There were
tears still running down his face, cascading from his chin and forming
small pools on the tile floor.  I walked up beside him, put my arm around
his shoulders, and spoke.

"Do you think we could talk?"

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If you have enjoyed reading this story, you will find other stories by me at
http://members.tripod.de/wolfslair, in the 'Other Stories' section.
E-mails may be sent to: bwstories8@aol.com.