Date: Sat, 16 Sep 2000 08:52:13 GMT
From: james berger <jimb13@hotmail.com>
Subject: strange life

			       strange life

       I have finally come to terms with who I am.  I am a Bisexual who
prefers sex with a female partner to a male partner.  However if the
opportunity arose I find nothing wrong with imaging myself locked in an
embrace of another man.  I think that it would be a turn on to kiss, fondle
and play with this man.  I would love to get on my knees and suck him dry,
or feel the long shaft of his cock slamming in to my inviting ass.  It
turns me on thinking about screwing a man and having him cum as I cum in
his ass.  I have always look at men but now I know I'm deliberately looking
at him because it turns me and I imagine what that cock would taste like.
I have standards for the men I would make love to.  He can't be fat, but I
don't like skinny either.  I find that my attraction is to circumcised
penises rather then an uncut one.  Though I have had both and there is no
real difference once there hard. I think this preference is what you are
use to and soft uncut cock doesn't look anything but ugly.  He must also
have a nice rounded butt, that was a great turn to feel the power of the
butt muscles as it tighten and released when the person you were sucking
was about to cum and their cock was fucking your mouth.  I'm turn on by
semi-erect cocks? Why, I don't know.  I think because of it's state of
arousal I would love to feel it grow in my mouth.  I enjoy the taste of cum
and have gone to eating my own to quench that one desire of tasting the
salty essence of man down the back of my throat.  My only outlet now is the
Internet and all the pictures and story have given me many enjoyable
masturbation sessions and lots of cum to eat.  Also, with help of my wife.

      My one remaining questions that does remain is why a man who enjoys,
desires and needs the love of his wife; has two children he loves dearly
and would not tell of his other thoughts for fear of losing them.  How can
such a man want and crave sex with another man.  To be such a raging queer
in his desire to have sex with a man.  This duality bothers me more than
anything.  I feel it relates to my addiction to sex.  Starting even before
I reached puberty and has been a driving force in my life ever since.
Plain and simple a slut who in this case doesn't really care what sex so
long as it is sex.  I have a control on it because of my love for my wife,
but oh, god would I like to do with these impulses.

      I still have fantasies about other women and that part of my
sexuality is still very strong.  I sometimes worry that I'm totally queer
when out of nowhere comes another pair of long leg, cute butt or tits that
drives my fantasies the other way, but now I do fantasy about men.  A great
ass, a certain look, or a beautiful cock will cause me to take that same
look as I do with women.  Through my twenties I denied this side of myself.
In my thirties those feelings did return and in discussion I tried to tell
what my feeling were without saying it.  I asked my wife of her feelings
and action with other women.  I admitted that I masturbated with other boys
in my youth.  No matter how much you love someone or they love you, you
have to be pretty sure of yourself to face that sort of rejection.  Through
dildo, butt plugs and a wife who puts up with my weird sexual addiction I
have some of those urges smothered slightly.  In my forties I can look
myself in the mirror and say that I have enjoy the act of sex with a man as
much as I do with women.  I have told my wife in a letter of most of my
past actions and my desires.  She still by my side and I can discussed my
inner feelings and desires with her.  Truly a remarkable women.  She how
ever is not addicted to sex and believes that sex and love are the same
thing.  Unlike the sexually addicted who don't see them the same way.
Maybe there is some sanity in me, because I look but I don't touch.  I will
not do anything to loose that love and devotion.  You can't believe the
internal turmoil that drives someone with this many desires.  Thank god for
masturbation, guilt frees sex.

      So, after all this rambling what is the answer?  Heterosexuals only
desire the opposite sex, but I wonder how many of them have this hidden
desire.  Homosexual though they feel like social out cast still have no
confusion about their desire for same sex partners.  Is Bisexuality a male
thing, since I believe that most males are sluts?  Their instincts and the
social values given them by society drive them.  But this statement isn't
true because there are female bisexuals and I've known females that enjoyed
and wanted sex. So why this attraction to both sexes?  God dose have a
sense of humor and if can truly see us must be bent over hysterical over
this flaw he has bestow on some of us.  I have now seen that there is many
bisexuals, they explorer their desires on the web.  Some only talk and
read; collecting pictures of men that turn them on. They have sites were
you can watch other men cuming or send pictures of yourself coming.  Others
who don't know whether bisexual or not, but they enjoy masturbating with
other men.  They watch or someone watches them.  Confusing at best, is this
cheating on a spouse? But then the question must be asked of self-
masturbation!  Is it simply exhibitionist who enjoys and get off by being
watch.  Some even go to clubs were they can masturbate or be masturbated by
other men.  No other act of sex is permitted but mutual masturbation.  What
a turn on. All those horny men and all that cum god it turns me on thinking
about it.  What a thrill it would be just to be part of the floor for about
an hour.  There is the group that runs ads or answers them.  Most are
married and haven't told their wives that they are bisexual or that they
are having sex with other men.  I wonder about the guilt they must be
feeling not telling their partner; or how they resolve these emotions of
their actions.  You can talk to and meet many of them in on-line chat
rooms.  Some tell me that my stories of my experiences turn them on that
they have cummed while on-line talking to me.  I have not had any that
caused me to come as we were chatting, but they have turn me on.  Several
have offered to meet for sex, but as inviting as it may sound I can not
find the desire greater then my life now and would do nothing to jeopordies
that.  One guy has even sent me email pictures of himself Cuming and want
some of me.  I didn't keep the pictures, his cock was ugly and the pictures
were fuzzy.  I am about to send pictures of myself so I can get in to one
of my favorite of these web sites for free.  This in itself is a turn on
that my cock can be seen in all states of arousal and cuming by other men
and turn them on as some of their pictures turn me on.  One might even get
turn on enough that he comes looking at my cock.  My only outward
expression of my homosexuality.  It is amazing how that little outward
statement of my gay sexuality is satisfying at its own level.

      So, now I have talk about the confusion of the duality of my
bisexuality, but my action don't show anything more then and exhibitionist
who talks a good story.  Short of the actual act the only evidence is my
pass experience, action and feelings.  I know if I did not have the
emotional barriers that I could enjoy a male lover.  So, here are those
early experiences and the feeling I have about them.  Or some
self-righteous justification that I'm fag and I can prove it.

       My experiences began in a tree house behind Cliff's house.  We would
take off our shirts but only pull down our underwear and shorts in case
someone came out looking for us.  I had seen my father and brother both
naked, but my cock was the only hard one I had seen until then.  It was
already hard with though of being sucked on, and seeing two other hard
cocks was more of a turn then I could have imagine.  The first male to suck
my cock was Cliff; it wasn't any better then any other blowjob I had, but I
was extremely horny and turned on by the sights and the possibility of sex.
The thing that was new and amazing was sucking my first cock.  It was my
brother's and I reach out and with my hand felt it.  I turn it up as I bent
forward to put it into my mouth.  It was hard, warm and smooth.  It felt
good in my mouth and I would have keep it there for ever if there was a
time limit and I didn't want look like I was enjoy it.  There was no
disgust or repulsion about sucking on a cock for two minutes.  All I could
think of was playing again so that I could cum.  If I had to suck an
occasional cock it really didn't bother me.  About the third time we did
this I was being suck by Cliff and that warm mouth sucking ever so lightly
was too much.  I remembered grunting out that I was going to cum.  Cliff
stopped sucking and look at me as if I were dying.  By now it was to late
and my first load shot out all over my pants and Cliff's leg and belly.
That was when the two of them found out what happens at puberty.  Bob
wanted no part of it, but Cliff was playing with the cum and still hard.  I
notice from the beginning that there was something different about Cliff.
Bob was adamant that I could not cum in any ones mouth, but Cliff didn't
say anything.  By now we played at night in a large 8-man tent that was set
up in the back yard.  In fact we slept out more often then not and the game
continued.  I noticed that Bob would not suck very hard and was more
worried that it had gone passed his time.  Cliff however was sucking harder
and would not pull off fast when his time was done.  I wouldn't cum all the
time but did get there after three or four times of playing and shot my
load on the ground.  Bob would almost jump back out of the way, but Cliff
would point it down or off to the side, holding on to it as it shot.  This
intensified the feeling even more.  I found that I enjoyed sucking on cocks
and gave Cliff that little harder suck when I did Bob.  Neither had reached
puberty they could not cum as yet.  Bob was bothered by the game so it was
off and on depending on his desire.  At this time Tim join the game one
night.  He had caught Karen and I skinny-dipping and twice fooling around.
I always thought that everything had gone that far because I was doing it
and I had done it with a girl.  Thus, it was cool.  It may not have even
been that and just the right crowd of horny boys.  Tim had not reached
puberty until a couple of weeks after this.  He had the start of hair and
was drooling pre-cum all the time.  He sucked when he had to, but was more
into the enjoyment of being sucked.  The second night with Tim there I came
in Cliff's mouth.  It was so fast that I "forgot" to say I was cuming and
after all the choking he assured me it was all right.  Two days later I
walk home from the lake with Cliff and apologized for cuming in his mouth.
He told me it was all right and he understood.  Without saying it directly
he told me that he enjoyed it and it was okay by him.  So slut that I am, I
told him that I really needed to cum then and would he mind doing me.  He
replied that he understood and said he would help.  By a stone wall were
the path came out of the woods; I pulled down my swim trunks to my knees,
Cliff put down his towel and got on his knees and gave me one excellent
blow job.  I didn't tell him I was going to come, I just moan loudly as I
let go.  He keeps sucking me until I was done.  Rising he wiped his mouth
with the back of his arm.  I said "thanks man!" and he replied no problem
any time.  From that moment on for the next three years Cliff was available
to me for whatever sexual purpose.  I was thirteen years old.

      The game became more elaborate in that now the winner got suck by
everyone and the first person out suck last, and now if four people were
playing the first guy out had to suck the other three for two minutes.  The
second guy out had to suck the other two and so on in reverse order of the
way they went out.  That way the winner usually came before it was done.
It was to much for Bob and with Chuck and Frank now playing.  Cliff was
forced out because of his age.  Tim had now reached puberty and now came
down to four very horny thirteen-year-olds who had no problem sucking
someone else's cock so long as theirs got suck on.  You could not take your
mouth of the other guys cock or you were required to suck it twice as long
or leave.  It was amazing how fast you recovered after cuming at this age
and had a hard on by the end of the next game.  It was also a turn on
seeing all these hot naked bodies each time we played.  Each with a hard on
that stuck out in front, that was a more turn as you sat there naked
playing with yourself and noticing that everyone else did the same thing.
It was a turn on having that hot naked body between your legs sucking your
cock.  I also found that it was exciting feeling a cock slide into your
mouth and feel its response to being sucked.  About the third time we
played I was the first one out and sat there naked watching three bodies
appear and two became totally naked.  Chuck, Tim and myself were all the
same size; Frank was larger by an inch or two.  Each of us had hair to one
degree or another and each of us had hard nipples; Hard with the excitement
I guess.  I watch as Tim and Frank both sucked Chuck as they finished,
Frank started sucking Tim cock.  On all fours I moved to where Chuck was
sitting I could see his cock in the dim light of the lantern.  There was no
need to to pull the cock up to my mouth it stuck straight up.  I bent
forward taking the head and shaft in my mouth and started sucking.
Whenever someone came into someone's mouth it was followed by spitting and
lots of water drinking.  As time went on this happen less and less.  I
think everyone was swallowing but would not admit to it, I know I never
did.  Any way I got into sucking Chuck's cock, I felt his hips move and his
hard cock fucking my mouth.  It was such a turn on that I started moving my
mouth up and down the shaft in time with his hips.  In less then a minute I
felt the first spray of cum on the back of my throat.  I felt that I was
choking at first but managed to swallow as fast as I could.  It was
fantastic to feel the energy of someone coming and taste cum for the very
first time.  I was hooked and knew I had to taste it again.  I pretended to
spit it out and move on to suck Tim's cock, I enjoyed sucking his cock and
finally on to Frank.  Neither of them came, but I know they both enjoyed
the suck job.  I though I going to cum right there without any one touching
me.  The second game I won and Tim got the full blast of the load.

      The games were sporadic at best, but were extremely satisfying; I can
say that having that many naked bodies all males around me was a turn on.
The biggest turn on was that I enjoyed sucking on cocks and loved the taste
of cum.  What did change was my relationship with Cliff.  We would sleep
out every so often, but Bob was there and unwilling to play the game
because it was queer.  I would go swimming with Cliff; if the card game
weren't happening; which was quite often.  I took him to my favor
skinny-dipping spot in a stream about a half a mile down in the woods.
Over time I had move rocks to make the stream pool deeper.  There was a
nice bank with several trees, which had been well used.  We would strip and
wrestle in the cool water of the stream.  Cliff was always hard and always
ready to suck my cock.  He would kneel between my legs as I leaned on one
of the trees near the bank of the stream.  He would stroke my cock with his
hand and slowly lean forward and lick the tip and shaft.  He then sucks me
dry as he had before and would in the future.  A couple of times I would
suck his cock, I would lick the tip and the shaft.  As time went on and the
initial nervousness fades are hand would wonder.  Cliff would spend more
time stoking my cock and licking it, I would also ask him to do different
thing.  Licking my balls was very enjoyable, but it always came down to
suck and fucking my cock with my mouth.  I found the more conformable I
became that my fingers would rub his arms and along his rib cage.  Not for
his pleasure as I am a strongly physical person who enjoys the sense of
touch.  We never kissed or hugged but with mouth, fingers and dick we
explored each other.  During that summer I had licked cliff's balls and
found it a turn on to have his sack tighten around his nuts.  Even though
he could not cum he always enjoyed the feeling and wanted it when I wanted
to give it.

      School started that year and the sleep outs ended.  There were girls
to talk to but, there was none that I knew that were into sex and if they
were they weren't saying much.  We the four would have card game very
couple of weeks.  It would start as regular poker and as soon as we where
alone the real game started.  I remember being so turn on that my hands
would shake.  Each of us had a hard on that that caused are pants to tent
out in front of us.  It was amazing how much sexual tension there was.
Each of us trying to win so we could feel the lips of the other sucking on
your cock.  I found as we went on I actually enjoyed being naked and on my
knees sucking their cocks.  Hoping they would cum in my mouth so I could
taste their cum. Also, hoping they wouldn't notice how much I enjoyed
sucking and eating they're cum. I think that is when I first noticed that
most people don't even notice what is going on around them; Especially when
their horny and they are receiving pleasure.  More then once I lost on
purpose just to sit there totally naked and get hard and horny watching the
others get naked.  They all had different things that turn me on and off.
Frank had the most beautiful, long cock that I enjoyed sucking more then
the others.  It was not the size as much as it's shape and feel that turns
me on.  Frank how ever was the worse cocksucker.  The only thing you got
out of him is when he was very horny he would move his tongue lightly on
the bottom of your cock and if horny enough it was all I needed.  I once
suck his cock until he came as a favor; to both of us; but he wouldn't
return the favor.  Tim had a smaller fatter cock which would fill your
mouth and his cum always tasted the best.  Tim however, would loose control
and start fucking your mouth when he was about to cum.  I was once sucking
Tim and as time end I pulled off him with a last suck.  He lost control and
blew his load on my stomach and cock.  That was such a turn on I nearly
blew my load.  I beat off with cum on my cock while I was cleaning up in
the bathroom.  Cum is a great lubricant and the clean up tasted great.
Chuck had a good-looking cock as big as I was at that time.  Chuck would
suck and on occasion I watched him swallow a load, but it was for his own
pleasure.  It was very hard to get a fix on Chuck; he could be very cold
and arrogant at times. The card game went on very couple of weeks through
the winter.  By spring time though it was all over and the taste and feel
of all those cocks at once was to be a memory.  Amazing that much could
happen to one person in that time still baffles me.  God, though I did
enjoy it.

   Through the fall I would take Cliff to the wood or back to the tree
house behind his house for quick satisfaction.  A new element came into
play that spring.  I was now babysitting and making good money.  Cliff had
convinced his mother that I could watch him when they went out for the
evening.  It didn't happen often and I guess they figured that with my
parents across the road what could happen.  If they only knew what was
happening.  Cliff and I sat on the couch watching TV, I reach over and
played with him through his pants, he was the first one I meet that never
wore underwear.  I had him remove his clothes and sit beside me.  I play
with his penis; balls and thighs as started leaning on me with his naked
body.  Finally I suck on his cock for several minutes.  I knew he couldn't
cum but he was fucking my mouth.  After a few minutes I got up and dropped
my pants and underwear.  Without a word Cliff got off the couch and down on
his knees naked in front of me.  He would grab my cock and started licking
it and sucking it.  I don't think I lasted more then a couple of minutes
before I shot into his mouth.  He made no attempt to spit it out, but
swallowed the whole thing and look up smiling.  One night we were watching
TV and Cliff was in his pajamas.  We started wrestling and after several
minutes I had him pinned face down and had hook my finger into pajama
bottoms.  As I tried to roll him over ended up slowly pulling down his
bottoms until his ass was exposed.  Holding in place and watching his ass
bounce up and down, I just started swatting it.  He didn't get upset but
push his ass up to meet the next blow.  I was turned on by the crimson
color his very white ass turned and found that I was extremely hard and
horny by all of this.  I removed his bottom and swatted his ass a few more
times as he stood up.  I rub my hands on his warm ass and rub his small
hard cock with the palm of my hand.

      The next experience came one night when Tim and I slept out and Cliff
had joined us.  We were going to play cards or not I don't remember.  The
discussion had started up about fucking of which I was the only one that
had done it and was the only expert.  Tim was very aroused and stroking his
cock repeat over and over he had to fuck something.  I don't remember how
or what was said, but all at once; Tim was ready and convinced that Cliff
need to pull down his pants so he could fuck him.  The idea surprised me
and sounded very good all at once.  Within seconds Cliff was up and out of
the tent convinced he wanted nothing to do with it.  I remember telling Tim
to shut up as I ran after Cliff.  I caught up to Cliff told him to cool
down, but the idea sound great and that he would be doing me a favor and he
would enjoy it.  He was concerned that it would hurt.  I don't remember who
came up with idea of butter as a lubricant, but I sent Cliff to his house
to get some.  I return to the tent and told Tim that Cliff would be back
and that he should take it easy and slow.  I don't think he heard me, he
was more intent on watching the tent door for Cliff's return.  He never
stopped rubbing his hard dick through his shorts.  Cliff returns and in no
time Tim had removed his short and Cliff was greasing his dick.  I had
Cliff get down on all fours and after he removed his shorts and under wear
I rub a wad of butter on his ass.  Tim got on his knees behind cliff and
without much hesitation shoved his cock into Cliff ass.  I don't think
Cliff ever enjoyed it, but I know that I was so horny that I had my shorts
off and was rubbing butter on my cock.  Tim started fucking cliff like a
jackrabbit and with one long grunt he came.  Several seconds later he fell
out of Cliff and crawled to the other side of the tent.  I moved behind
Cliff and asked if it was all right if I could fuck him too.  He says ok
and asks me to do it slowly as it hurt.  The sensation of pushing my cock
against his ass was incredible.  The warmth of his ass, all that butter and
Tim's cum made it easy to slide my cock into his ass.  I tried to be very
slow but the feeling was too much.  I started to fuck his ass and remember
the sound of slurping as my cock moved in and out.  The smell of warm
butter on hot sex organs is hard to describe but it still a turn on to this
day.  I soon lost control and started pounding into his ass as fast as I
could.  It was one of those cum's that rocks you to your toes and one of
several I still remember.  Cliff took a towel and start cleaning up my cock
which was so sensitive I made him stop.  He cleaned himself up and we all
went to sleep with Tim muttering about getting himself some real pussy.
The next morning I woke up to cliff nude from the waist down and cleaning
up the last of our cum from his ass along with spots of blood from his over
stretched and over used ass.  We threw the towel away in the trash so no
one could find it.  I thank him for letting us fuck him.  He said he like
it but his ass was still sore.

      Several weeks later Tim and I sleep out alone.  It was another one of
those nights where Tim only wanted to talk about fucking.  He was extremely
horny and we had strip that night to our underpants because of the heat.
Watching him play with his fat cock was enough to make me as hard as a
rock.  After several times of asking and finally begging me; it was my turn
to get the butter.  When I got back to the tent Tim was already naked and
his cock was sticking straight out.  I stripped and warming the butter in
my hand I rub it up and down the length of his cock.  The smell of melted
butter and hard cock was more then enough to overcome any doubts I had
about what we were about to do.  I took a little more and rub on my ass.  I
knelt down but was to high for Tim to stick his dick in me.  I laid down
and Tim tried several times to get in but missed.  I rose on my knees
slightly and reach back to guide his dick to my ass.  Tim was not holding
back and fat cock push in with one painful stroke.  As he pump away in my
ass it became enjoyable.  I started squeezing ass together as he pulled
out.  This only lasted a few seconds and he lost control and started
fucking me like a rabbit in heat.  It hurt, but what a turn on when I felt
him starting to come.  I did not feel the cum going in but all night I felt
it leaking out of me into my underwear.  I laid there quietly and beat off
inside my underwear.  The rest night I slept with that gooey mess drying
and sticking to every orifice.  Tim woke me early the next morning and ask
me if he could fuck me once more.  He told me he was really horny and it
felt so good.  I removed my underwear and naked I got on my knees as Tim
put more butter on his dick.  His cock felt so much better sliding in and
out.  Within a couple of minutes he had lost control again.  As his dick
started slamming into my ass I feel my asshole clinch down on his cock as
he pulled out.  By now my cock was hard as a rock and as the heat of the
moment rose I came as Tim let loose with spasms as he came in my ass.
Another pair of underwear went to the garbage that day with all that heady
smelling cum.  I made a hard attempt to appear not to be walking bowl
legged for the next several days.  That was the last time I slept out or
had sex with Tim, but thanks to him I no longer have a virgin ass, and
enjoyed this new aspect of sex with males.

       At the end of this summer was when I went off to Boy Scout camp.
The first week was a lot of fun and we all had a great time.  This was
mostly due to our senior patrol leader.  He was 17 or 18 and would not
stand for any of the shit the sadistic four would try.  As they were 16 or
17 years old and the rest of us range in age of 13 to 15.  Thus smaller and
not as develop as these four were.  Are scoutmaster was a non-entity, I
personally think he was a drunk, because nothing could rouse this guy after
ten o'clock at night.  He either never believed or didn't know how to react
to anything he was told about the trio.  The second week started quite
after the sr. patrol leader had left for some reason that I can not
remember.  Anyway by Wednesday the unholy four let it be known that it was
time for all the patrols to be initiated into the troop.  There was three
tents with a patrol in each.  We were to be the first to receive our
initiation.  The four of them enter the tent and told us that we must all
strip down and stand in line.  Since none of or even as a group we could
not stand up to them.  The seven of us strip off all our clothes and stood
in a single line on a very warm summer night.  The flaps of the tent were
open and there was a very slight breeze blowing through the tent.  It made
it quite comfortable standing there nude waiting to hear what our
tormenters had in store for us.  They had singled out and were bulling the
smallest guy in our tent telling him he had to take the butter and rub on
each of our dick and nuts until they told him to stop.  The only light in
the tent was the four flashlights that they had.  In the dim night I could
make out the naked bodies of my tent mates, each of us watching as they
started pushing this kid around.  By now he had started to cry and that is
when they started slapping on and around the head.  After a few seconds it
was to much to watch and like a fool I told them to stop.  All four of
there lights hit me at once and after asking what I was going to do to stop
them they hit me with, "then why don't you do it?".  I responded like a
dummy fine as long as it got rid of you guys fast.

       They handed me the butter and reminded me that I had to coat each of
their dick and balls and keep doing it until they told me to.  It felt good
to feel those soft cocks turning hard in my hand.  The smell of butter on
those hot cock and balls was to much and before long my own cock was rock
hard.  As I went down the line, the four fools would make fun of the size
of each of their cocks and laughing at them calling them little girl fags.
The flashlights ran up and down the line of hard cocks, the insults and
taunts continued.  I was in seventh heaven with all these cocks for me to
play with.  I wanted to get down and suck the butter off and the cum out of
each one.  That smell of warm genitals smelling butter permeated the entire
tent.  When I had finished the last one they told me it was time for me to
do myself.  The lights all hit my raging hard on at the same time.  They
started laughing and calling me a real faggot and saying they now knew the
real reason I wanted to rub the butter on the cocks.  The insults continued
and they started with I could suck the cocks if I wanted to.  After I told
them to fuck off and other insults they began again with you will suck the
cocks.  I refused and threw what was left of the butter at them. I tried to
leave the tent and they jumped me and held me down.  They told the other
guys to come get their cocks sucked by a faggot.  None of them came and by
then I had managed to roll over.  They sat on me slap at my head and body
with hands and shoes.  Finally with one sitting on my shoulders and other
one holding my legs they push the large slab of half melted butter onto the
crack of my ass and mashed in several times with their feet.  They left
laughing and promising me more fun tomorrow.  We did not have showers so I
only had the hot water of the latrine and a towel to clean myself.  I did
not sleep that much that night.

      The next day several of my friends and myself; went to the
scoutmaster asking him to stop the four of them.  He response was that we
over dramatizing some non-harmful "high-jinx".  The day passed with some
taunts and names, but with all the activities I could escape the four of
them.  After dinner until lights out all was quiet.

      Soon after getting in bed the four of them came in and after a brief
struggle I found that I was no match for the four of them and capitulated
to going with them naked.  No one else stood up to them, mostly because
they were glad it wasn't them. We entered the tent and again I was at the
task of buttering six more cocks until they were nice and hard.  The
torment of the humiliation was not enough to over come the feeling and
smell of those buttered cocks.  In the end I again faced the four of them
with a hard cock and put up with verbal abuse.  On this night for unknown
reason they left me to walk naked back to my tent in the dark.  I was
humiliated and turn on at the same time.  Very confusing for a teenager.

       On the third night they arrived and as I got out of bed and stripe
off my underwear at their demands and followed them again naked to the
third tent.  As we went the continued their insults and I ignore them
hoping it would soon be over.  We enter the tent and they had the seven
occupants' stand naked as I again buttered and rub each of these beautiful
cocks and balls until it stood straight out begging to be sucked.  Each of
them was called names and assured they must be faggots as they had a faggot
rubbing their cocks.  They keep an eye on me and commented on how I must
have liked this or that cock as my cock got harder.  At the end they
decided that tonight the last night I should butter my own cock.  I was not
completely hard but it only took seconds of my hot buttery hands on my cock
and it was rock hard.  They really had fun with that and again started back
on watching me suck some faggot cock.  God knows I would have loved to drop
to my knees and suck each of those cocks dry.  I threw down the butter and
pushed my way to the door.  Outside they tripped me up and were beating me
and kicking me.  I kicked swung and pushed with all I had, but could not
escape them.  Two of them had me pinned to a log and some one was beating
me with a branch.  This didn't last more then a minute and they released
me.  As I laid there naked and crying my four tormentors kicked me and spit
on me.  The final insult was that two of them pissed on me as I laid there
and left me there as they went off laughing.  I got up and cleaned myself
up.  I had several welts, felt cheat and dirty but god was I horny and
would have gone back and played with those hot buttered cocks if I had a
chance.

      The next day camp was over and I never talk about what happened at
camp.  I would not go to scout meeting for about a year until the unholy
four and the low life scoutmaster had left.  But, it was a great turn on to
stroke all those cocks at one time and I still fantasize about dropping to
my knees and suck each one of those beautiful cocks off.  To have all of
them coming at once and while on my knees with my mouth open to catch as
much as I can.

      My only homosexual contact after this returned to Cliff.  Through the
summers mostly and when ever possible in the winter.  I found that the
longer it went on the more bazaar it got.  It was always to see how far it
could be pushed and what new feeling could be felt.  There were the times
we would go to the lake and swim in the early evening.  As the summer went
on we would have the lake to ourselves.  We would swim out to the raft and
take off our suits and stash them under the raft.  We would swim around and
enjoy the freedom.  I would float on my back and get Cliff to come up
between my legs and blow me.  Once I had him climb up the ladder to the
raft a couple of steps and stick his ass out.  I fuck him right there it
was great.  A couple of times I slide under the raft and put my suit back
on.  I grab cliff's suit and swam to shore where I grab his towel.  He
would come out of the water looking all over to make sure no one was
looking and begging for his suit back.  I made him follow me across to the
path in the woods totally nude and laughing at his attempts to cover
himself.  Once in the woods near the stone wall where he first suck me off;
I would stop and tell him the only way he could get his suit back was to
suck me off.  He would drop to his knees and pull down my suit, that sweet
mouth wrap around my cock was heaven. As time went on, when I was about to
cum I would grab the back of his head and start fucking his mouth.  He
never complained and even after he choked he would tell me he was ok and
enjoyed it?  I enjoyed the sucking and was looking for gratification, but
Cliff would stop and lick the shaft and balls.  On occasion he would lick
down between my legs.  It was the next summer when I would let him fuck me
every so often that he first licked my asshole.  We had no lubricant and I
made him lick it with a lot of saliva.  It felt so good that I had him fuck
me with his tongue.  A couple of times that summer I did the same to him.
It was a great turn on and I enjoyed giving him a rim job. It was very much
a turn on and made it more intense when I fuck him.  When Cliff reached
puberty I now had the enjoyment of tasting cum once more.  It was a great
turn on to kneel or lay naked next to Cliff and suck and lick his cock.  By
now it was almost as long but a lot thinner then mine, it had bend in it to
the left and the head was much larger then the shaft and always very
sensitive.  It was great to feel his cock harden in my mouth and feel him
cum in my mouth.  I liked getting him close and stopping.  What control
with both males and females to listen to them beg to cum.  Most of the time
I would finish him in my mouth.  Sometimes I would just watch as he beat
himself off.

     That final summer Cliff's dog would follow us down to the stream where
we skinny-dipped.  He had gotten the dog the summer before.  This was a
strange dog, but we had a lot of fun with him.  Right off we found that the
dog loved to lick our cocks.  It would get a hard on while it was doing it.
It loved cum and any time that I fuck Cliff it would come up and lick the
cum as it oozed from Cliff's ass.  The best turn on it would come up and
lick my ass as I was fucking Cliff.  A couple of times the dog tried to
mount Cliff after I had fucked him while he was on all fours.  Cliff
wouldn't have anything to do with it and always stood up and yelled at the
dog.  I always threaten him that I was going to hold him down and let the
dog fuck him.  I never did, but it has always been a turn on to think
about, watching a dog fuck somebody or myself.  We would feel sorry for the
dog and beat him off every so often.  It was amazing to feel his nuts rise
up in a large knot to end of his dick before he came.  He would shoot his
load all over his underside and spend the rest of the day cleaning himself
up.  I once made Cliff suck the dog until he was close to coming.  He
complained, but I had a feeling it wasn't the first or last time he had or
would suck the dog's cock.  I still have fantasies about the possibility of
being mounted and fuck by a large dog!  Strange but true, I never suck the
dog's cock, but that might be interesting to.  The end of that summer Cliff
moved away and to this day not sure how much further or longer it would
have lasted.  I enjoyed it and would do it again.  I don't think that made
me a bisexual but it made me realize that I could enjoy anyone as a sexual
partner.

     My last homosexual encounter occurred six years later while I was in
the military.  In the service during the Vietnam War you were enough of an
outcast.  That and the short hair made it near impossible to date any
woman.  The girls you did meet that would date guys in the military were
strange by themselves.  This left a lot of time for masturbation.  It was a
weekend late September when I drew weekend duty.  At night we return the
truck to the motor pool and catch a shuttle bus to the barracks if no one
was around to pick you up.  I drop off the truck and had to go to the
bathroom.  There was a large men's room inside of the warehouse near the
loading dock which was all part of the motor pool.  I enter the bathroom
and there was no one there, I went to the urinal and started pissing.  Out
of no where this guy appears and comes to the urinal next to mine.  Very
strange because there are fifteen or so of them and I off to one end.  I
have always been a cock watcher and when the chance arises I will check
them out.  He unzipped his pants and out came this huge ugly cock.  He
wasn't even close to the urinal and all he was doing was pulling on it.  My
mouth must have hit the floor, because I couldn't take my eyes off his huge
cock.  By now he was facing me and his dick was fully exposed and all I
could do is look and back away from the urinal.  He asked me if I liked
what I saw and whether I wanted to touch it.  I answered no as I moved away
from him.  He just stood there and finally repeated a couple of times that
he would do me if I would do him.  I nodded my head yes and all I remember
is he put cock back into his pants and led me to one of the stalls.  As he
came in after me his cock came out once again, I reach for his cock, it was
not completely hard but I could barely get my hand around it.  He was
shorter then me and had a beer gut, and far from good looking.  I don't
think it was just his cock that caused me to go to the stall with him, I
was horny but so was he from the look in his eye.  He unbuttons my shirt
and told me that my hand job felt great as he rubs his hands over my
nipples.  He undid my pants and they fell to the floor, he rubbed my cock
through my underwear.  My cock was rock hard, he point at my underwear and
said let's see what you got.  I was so horny I would have done anything to
feel him rubbing or sucking my cock.  I pulled down my underwear and stood
back up naked in front of a total stranger and waited for him to tell what
to do next.  He rubbed my cock and then spit in his hand and starts
stroking my cock hard.  He looks at me and said that my dick would make a
great snack for him after I got done with the main course.  He told me to
sit on the toilet, as I sat he drop his pants and I was at eye level with
his cock.  It had to be 11 or 12 inches long and as he held it up and
pointed at me.  It was not standing up on its own but had downward sag, it
was hard and the foreskin never completely uncovered the head of his penis.
I reach forward and grabbing it with both hands open my mouth and started
sucking on as much as I could get in.  I tasted the salty taste of his
urine trap under the fore skin, but all I could think about was sucking and
tasting his cum as it went down the back of my throat.  I struggled to get
as much of his cock as I could into my mouth.  After several minutes he
told me to relax, pull the skin off his dick by pulling with it with my
hand and only suck the head.  With my hand I slide the foreskin off the
bulbous head of his cock and with clinch fist slide it easily up the shaft.
I put the head back in my mouth and started to suck.  He told me to rub the
bottom of the head with my tongue.  I gently licked the bottom of the head
of his cock and then would let my tongue slide as far as I could up the
ridge behind the head of his cock where it drops off to the shaft.  I slide
my tongue around to the front of his cock and lick and played with his piss
hole.  By now he was moaning and telling me what a good little cocksucker I
was.  I want to feel him come in my mouth more than anything and started a
slow sucking motion as my tongue and hands stroke away at his dick.  I was
leaning forward and was aware of my hard on rubbing against my stomach and
heighten my desires to feel him cum.  He started calling me names and his
hip stated to move back and forth in a slow rhythm.  He call me the best
faggot cocksucker that suck his meat, that's it faggot boy suck my cock,
that's it faggot boy you know you like it. All this did is make me hornier
and I sucked a little faster to me the strokes of his hips.  As he was
about to come he grab the back of my head and started fucking my mouth and
with one more yell of open your mouth faggot boy here's the load you want
he started to cum.  Now I'm not sure whether it was the friction of my
stomach on my dick or being turned on, but I came hard allover my stomach,
legs and dick.  He came so fast and deep in my mouth that I only felt it go
down the back of my throat.  I just sucked until he pulled back his dick
probably so sensitive from coming.  He stood there in front of me and with
his hand milk the vein of his cock up to the head and as the his cum oozed
out he push the head towards me and told me to lick it off. Come on faggot
boy you know want it. Even after cuming I was still so horny I would have
done anything.  I closed my eyes and bending forward licked/sucked the cum
from the tip of his penis. He pulled his cock back and squeezing it again
and let it drool down the side of the side of his cock.  As the cock came
back I started licking the cum off the length of the shaft back towards the
head which I started sucking as he milk more his cum into my mouth.  He was
into talking dirty and enjoying it as I suck his cock.  He pulled his cock
from my mouth and told I was a good little faggot and he would let suck his
cock anytime.  It was then that he noticed that I had cum all over myself
and laughing comment that he never had a faggot that enjoyed his big piece
of meat enough to come on himself.  I always love cocksucking, cum drinker
that gets into his work you can suck my dick anytime. With that he left
leaving the stall door open laughing the whole way.  I clean up as much as
I could in the sink and left for the shuttle bus.  When I got to the
barracks I took a long shower and felt very cheap, dirty and used and
knowing I would do again if I had a chance.  I wonder for a long time if I
was just a faggot and how repulse that sound sitting there and hearing it
in my mine.  To tell you the truth the next weekend and anytime I had a
chance for the next year I would go back to that bathroom, but never ran
into him or any one else.  Twice I sat in a stall and jerk myself off
convinced I was a low life faggot.

      Now that I look back at those days I realize that there is nothing
wrong in what I did.  If I had to do over I would do the same, but I think
I would enjoy it more and express my affections and desires more openly.
Maybe pursue them more aggressively instead of think that I was socially
sick for my desires to have sex with men. Maybe my regrets at the unfilled
desires would have been filled if I took that next step and treated Cliff
as a love and not a sex object.  At that time of my life I think I treated
anyone I had sex with as an object and not as a lover.  Until I meet my
wife everything I did was for sexual gratification.  What change when I
meet her I do not know.  If I was not sexually addicted maybe I would not
have even considered males as a sexual option or maybe I would be and
homosexual.  Instead I am I stuck in the middle someplace with a person I
love and won't hurt.  I will continue to fantasize my Desiree for men and
live my life with people I love and realize who I am and what I am.  Some
may say I am living a lie for not telling all my family who I am; a
bisexual, but I believe they don't need the trauma of my sexual identity
interfering with their life and finding some stability in it.