Date: Sat, 28 May 2005 12:35:16 -0700 (PDT)
From: Sujit Saksena <sujsak@yahoo.com>
Subject: Adult-Friends:AS Time Goes By 1 (A Story From India)

It was time to go back to his work. No respite there,
blame it on being self employed. He was once again in
a mood to curse himself for having trusted the guy
online. There is little for those above 30 online and
he was a full three years more, not to forget his less
than handsome looks. And despite knowing this well he
could not help going to the place where the 28 year
old had promised to meet him. No one apparently seemed
to be looking for him-which was nothing new. And then
one guy standing around just left on his motorbike
with a frown now quite familiar to him. It was deja
vu-how many times would he keep on insulting himself
like this looking for something that no longer was to
be in his domain? It is hard to be honest with your
sexuality if you live in India and though he was not
bold enough to come out, he was no chicken either to
compromise by getting married to a female like many of
his friends. It turns lonely at times, and maybe that
is when the optimist in him often replaces the
pragmatic who knows there is little scope for a 30
plus average Joes. He was almost home by now and
realised that it is time to leave self-pity and work
for his daily bread and so he headed straight for the
home office. It was the same case of financial
assessment. How much he disliked finance, but it
definitely paid well. In no time he had once again
diverted his frustration with the lack of a stable or
even casual partner on to the numbers and then the
consultant in him was in full bloom. So it felt almost
like a piece of jarring music when the phone rang,
diverting his attention from the screen of his PC. It
was one of the older clients, a head of a leading
charitable organisation urging him to make a
presentation on some guidelines for charities after
the recent changes in tax laws. He did not like such
superficial conferences but then who can afford to
annoy a major client, more so if his offer means a
chance to meet many prospective clients. So despite
little inclination he did agree for the presentation.
The chirping of birds welcomed him to Sunday morning,
and he realised it was once again his time to
compromise with long hours of sleep and get ready for
the conference. The venue was not very far but he had
to be formally dressed, a chore he hated as much as
looking into the centrespread of some girlie magazine.
By the time he was ready it was already 9 am and he
had only about 30 minutes to reach the place. He had
one last look in the mirror-the first in the day to be
precise for he never ever admired his body. Things
seemed to be in order for him.
It was the same routine of meeting and networking once
he reached. His client introduced him to many
interesting people but being a case of charitable
trusts, he did not find any big party turn up for the
seminar in a small city like Lucknow. He went through
with his presentation with almost mechanical precision
and came back to his seat wishing that no one puts up
any silly questions for him. Luckily no one did. And
soon it was time for lunch break. He was keen to leave
and so headed straight to meet his client, standing
surrounded by the organisers. "Swamiji, if you
would permit I wish to leave," he said.
"Ok beta, go in case if you have anything
important lined up, but do have your lunch,"
said his client at his nurturing best. He turned to
the dining table to just complete this last ritual of
having lunch before heading back home to at least read
some of the important business news from the week gone
by. So desperate was he to have his lunch fast that it
took him a fully thirty seconds and a shriek from the
person next to him to realise that he had stepped on
to the poor guy"s foot. "Ah...I am
sorry, I failed to see
you...well...er..."
"It is ok, I can understand," said the man
whose foot he stepped on. He heaved a sigh of relief,
but then it hit him...
"Excuse me," "Hey nothing to worry,
I am ok." "No Sir! I just wanted to ask
you if you are... Mr. Ashok."
"Yeah, that is my name, but how do you know
me?"
The irony of the statement was so obvious. You may
know a guy inside out but still you do not know him!
Without falling into another bout of reflecting on
life he preferred to ignore the fact that Ashok knew
him, had been in bed with him and even professed his
love for him. That was when he was in his 20s. Ashok
must be a married guy now. He had heard of his
marriage when he was on training abroad. He suddenly
felt he lost his appetite and left in a huff. Driving
back, he tried hard not to remember his past years but
Ashok was one of the more poignant of the memories. It
was during his post graduation in management from one
of the leading institutes that they met.