Date: Sat, 28 May 2005 12:51:00 -0700 (PDT)
From: Sujit Saksena <sujsak@yahoo.com>
Subject: As Time Goes By 6 (A Story From India)

...Even Somesh could not understand this strange
behaviour-for in his maturity he had never even
thought that love can at times make you possessive
too.
He returned to his room and found the slip of Ashok
lying on the floor. Though he had little inclination
to tax his emotions, he still opened it and read the
message.
"Somu, I am sorry for what happened at the
dining hall-I think we need to talk. Please do not
judge me without first hearing my side of the story. I
can't justify my behaviour but even a murder
accused has the right to defence."
Well, you just cannot ignore this guy. Somesh left for
Ashok's room right then even without checking if
Ashok was at his suit. Luckily he was. A visibly
serious and somewhat perturbed Ashok greeted him as he
entered the room, closing the doors behind himself.
"Why close the doors, maybe someone would wish
to join us in our conversation?" Ashok said.
"Why? Is anyone supposed to be coming?"
"Well Bhaskar may want to chat with you."
Somesh felt the sarcasm. "Well I thought you did
not want to discuss anything personal and hence I did
not stop Bhaskar..." "Somu, you very
well know what I wanted to discuss and please do not
pretend that you could not understand that the
conversation needed us to be alone," Ashok said
with his usual calm even in anger. He was so much in
control of his emotions when outside of bed. Somesh
tried to reason out or put Ashok against the wall but
he also realised that Ashok was absolutely right. He
perhaps wanted to make Ashok suffer.
"OK, now what did you want to discuss," he
tried to sound business like. "Somu, I wont
force you to discuss or listen or even speak. Please
do as you wish. But maybe things are not exactly as
you perceive them to be."
"Then how are they?"
Ashok once again looked at Somesh's face, hurt
written wide in his eyes. "Take it whatever way
you like but I think I am going ahead and explain my
point of view whether you believe in it or not. Somu,
I was waiting for you even much before the lunch
started and made sure we had a table in the corner.
But I do not know what took you so long to reach
there. Meanwhile that guy and his wife came there and
due to his wife he chose to sit far from the rest of
the all male crowd. I myself rose to go to another
table but they did not allow me to and they started
talking to me."
"But still that does not explain why I was to be
seen as such an outsider that my presence itself was
making you look so aloof. Seems the man who could be
your so-called lover in the room does not have the
standards of even joining your friends in
public."
Ashok once again controlled his anger. "Can I go
ahead now?"
"Well, go on," Somesh said cynically.
"When you entered, I do not know why I found
your whole self radiating with a certain element of
joy and you looked so admirable...Lost in the
surroundings but obviously in search of me. I was so,
so Somu, I do not even have the word to describe how I
felt! I just wanted to be close to you, alone and
discussing what things matter to us while we had our
lunch. You made me lose my emotional balance right
then."
"Hmm, sort of incredulous but it is always good
to hear someone praise you."
"Let me please complete!"
"OK"
"Somu, I do not know how you feel about yourself
and why you always tend to underestimate yourself in
looks. But there is something in you, well I am no
poet or even a literary guy and so cant really
explain-it is a sense of amicability and a sense of
trust. It may not ooze of sex but it does invoke a lot
of love and faith. And this afternoon I do not know
why you were looking so lovable. I cursed the fact
that I could not leave the table right then. And I
lost my sense of direction."
"Ah-a guy as emotionally balanced and calm as
you losing to emotions!"
"Somu, I am also human and not some god. I
myself do not know why I was so confused and at such a
loss of emotions which you must have taken as my cold
shouldering you. Maybe it is love that makes one
insane. Maybe the film songs are just too right. This
is my side of the story. I leave it to you to judge if
I am being honest or not."
Even in his defence the man looked so dignified. Even
the greatest cynic would not distrust him. Somesh also
realised his own emotional games that he played maybe
unconsciously, like further alienating Ashok, not even
looking for a solution to the problem and most of all
pre-judging the man he regarded his dream guy.
"But we could have discussed it at the dinner
time, you just left the hall in such haste."
"Somu, don't act naive. You know quite
well that with Bhaskar around with all his stupid
gossip, I never could explain my inner feelings. And
whether you like it or not that guy drives me
insane."
"Come on, he is as balanced and well meaning as
you are and not to forget his sense of humour."
"I know his qualities and please do not explain
them to me. Your ploy to make me jealous has worked
quite well."
It was then that Somesh realised the real cause behind
Ashok's anger. "Ashok, why did you have
such idiotic ideas? Does the guy have even one per
cent of homo friendly attitude in him? And why should
I want to make you jealous? I welcomed him because he
generally has been very friendly towards me."
"And I do not want that friendliness to take you
away from me."
Somesh smiled at this adult of adults with the heart
of a kid. "Well as long as you kiss the way you
did last night, I do not think anyone can take me away
from you," he said with a wink. At last Ashok
also smiled. "Ashok, I have been a real
jerk," he said coming close to his face.
"Hopefully I can call you my fool," Ashok
added with a feeble smile. Somesh's face was now
radiating with smile and he could not resist reaching
out to Ashok's face and kissing him while
locking him in a deep embrace.
"Somu, can we just be together for tonight and
talk? I mean I have no problems with sex if you want
but I just want to be in conversation with you while I
feel you-without clothes."
Somesh understood Ashok's point of view and
nodded in agreement. As Ashok rose to switch off the
light, Somesh opened the window pane to let the breeze
in.
The room that felt so heated while they talked now
felt calm and cool with the moonlight filling it at
many spots. And silhouetted in the moonlit room Ashok
once again looked like the prince of darkness. Somesh
once again locked him in embrace and kissed him. Ashok
reciprocated with even more urgency. And as they
indulged in slow caressing, the kisses grew more
frequent and the clothes more frugal on the body. By
the time they were on the bed, Somesh was lovingly
fondling Ashok's locks while he lay in his lap
devoid of any piece of clothing like his lover. There
was a deep connection, more spiritual than carnal.
Maybe it is this state of mind that is sold now a days
as Tantric sex. "Somu, how many partners have
you had before me?" "No kiss and tell, or
you will once again feel jealous," Somesh
replied teasingly. "I did not mean it that way.
It is just that you know so well how to please a guy.
Only a well experienced fellow can be so well versed
in love..."
"No Ashok, there is more to it. Love is not just
learnt. It comes naturally when you are with the
person who is the most suited one for you. You were
always like the dream guy I never could have. So being
in love with you was in itself a dream come true for
me. Lovers are always more compatible in bed when they
are made for each other. Take your case-you had no man
to man experience before this one but you were so good
at it," Somesh said while kissing his forehead.
"I have kind of been in search of some ideal
love from childhood. But the priorities of career
never let me consider such issues seriously till now.
And then you came in my life suddenly. Even as a
friend you were so trustworthy. And that made me love
you even more." Ashok went on with his
monologue, detailing his life, his feelings and his
fears. And suddenly Somesh realised that Ashok was
asleep. Reclining on the bed, he drew Ashok's
head on his extended arm and continuing with the
fondling with his hair, Somesh also was asleep in a
few minutes more satisfied than ever in love.
Sometimes the best lovemaking is without any apparent
sex involved.

To be continued...