Date: Sun, 12 Feb 2012 18:36:06 -0800 (PST)
From: Dave Ledge <mikedave01@yahoo.com>
Subject: Brian

Brian
(For Brian)

I guess I should start at the beginning.  It was ten years ago when I first
met Brian, soon after my 40th birthday.  Life was not good.  The big 4-0
had hit me hard.  I was still employed, but depressed.  I really didn't
like my job.  I was a bit time player in a very bit time marketing group.
Everyone around me was depressed, too, it seemed.  Any ambition I might
have had had been killed years ago.

I wasn't in very good physical shape anymore either.  But it didn't matter.
My wife had made it clear that sex was of no interest to her years ago.
So, there was no reason to try to stay in shape for her.  In fact, I often
wondered why we stayed married.  I guess it was just too much trouble to
get a divorce.  There were no kids, though, thank God.  She worked part
time out of boredom, I guess.  The rest of the time she spent with one
woman's group or another.  I wasn't interested enough to know what she
belonged to.

Every day was work and sleep.  No real fun of any kind.  No real pleasure.
I drank a bit too much at night, but didn't get much pleasure from that
either.  I had my own room at least.  I looked at porn when I was alone at
night.  It was ok.  It got me off, even if that wasn't that exciting
either.

And then Brian joined the firm.

He was everything I wasn't.  He was a force to be reckoned with, I saw
immediately.  From the beginning it was obvious that he didn't belong in my
firm.  I found out later that he had been more or less fired from his
previous position with a high profile firm in town due to 'creative
differences' with his boss.  Brian told me much later that it was more
jealousy than anything else.  I could well believe that, especially after I
got to know him better!  None of the other better firms offered him
anything, perhaps, again, because of jealousy.  Our firm was too stupid, I
guess, to be worried and snapped him up.

What a breath of fresh air!  Within weeks he had become the unofficial
leader of my group, just because he was that much smarter and better.  Our
work improved dramatically and our morale did as well.  I started even to
look forward to going to work.

Senior heads noticed after a couple of months when it became clear even to
them that our group had turned around in a good way.  Soon Brian became the
official head of our group.  While there should have been a lot of jealousy
about his sudden promotion, all of us in the group had to admit how much he
deserved it, although I feel pretty sure that some of the members of the
group were jealous of him in other ways.  I mean, Brian's a pretty
good-looking man.  Even though he's a year older than I am, he's in serious
shape!  When he sheds his suit coat from his broad shoulders his biceps
ripple in his Italian silk shirts.  His tailored pants show off his legs
and rear end.  Yeah, this man spends serious money on his clothes.
However, it seems to be worth it.  I often overheard women admiring his
body behind his back and even flirting with him to his face!  He would
certainly flirt back, flashing his blue eyes at them, and tossing his
slightly too long dark blond hair.  Occasionally he'd do a bit of a 'pose'
for them and even do a slight thrust of his pelvis towards them--nothing
too outrageous or sexy, just enough to bring a quick blush to their cheeks.
He even had a slight dimple when he smiled at their blushing.

OK. I admit it.  I was jealous of Brian almost from the first moment I met
him!  As I said, he was everything I wasn't.  However I tried to hide my
jealousy, or at least keep it in check.  His work and his leadership were
making my life better, weren't they?  I told myself that whenever my
jealousy came to the surface.  Mainly it worked.

Things rolled along until the annual Christmas party.  The firm took over a
restaurant downtown.  While they didn't spend a lot of money on the food,
the liquor was good.  I had forced my wife to come, as I had to every year.
I mean she has to be good for something.  She spent her time getting
dressed up.  While I'm overweight and tend to slouch, she does spend some
of her money on a gym membership.  When she works at it she's actually
decent looking like she was then.

I enjoyed the liquor at the party and had too much to drink, like every
year.  My wife was obviously bored, but was being decent to people despite
that.  I was getting a little out of control, but managed, barely, to stay
focused enough.  Finally after an hour of meaningless socializing Brian and
his wife arrived.  And did they arrive!  This was one couple who knew how
to make an entrance!

They were dressed in full formal evening attire.  They apologized for being
late to the party but said that they had to attend another 'function'
first.  I bet, I thought.  And did they look good.  Brian's tux showed off
his shoulders and chest.  His wife was dressed to the max with real jewelry
and a dress that must have come from New York or maybe somewhere in Paris
or Milan.

They strolled around the room like royalty, greeting people and making
introductions.  When they finally got to us I was very surprised to see my
wife and Brian's wife turn slightly red when acknowledging each other.  I
was also surprised to see Brian's expression turn steely very quickly when
he noticed this, before relaxing again into his normal slight smile.  I
felt like I had just witnessed a conversation in a foreign language I
didn't know.

Things were so quickly back to normal, though, that I decided I hadn't
really seen anything and blamed the alcohol.  Brian and his wife soon left
us behind as they did their tour of the room.

When I was alone and drunk in my room later the memory of that scene
returned.  I couldn't decide if I had imagined the scene or not.  Guess it
didn't the fuck matter though.

After the New Year things started to be a bit different at work...  It
seemed that Brian was trying to be friendlier with me.  I wasn't sure why
and was immediately suspicious.  It's not as if the guy wasn't charming.  I
just didn't trust him, that's all.

He soon noticed my barely disguised hostility.  I mean the man wasn't
stupid, clearly.  He invited me out one Friday night to talk.  Rather
resentfully I went.  I didn't want to accept his invitation but figured I
needed my job and this guy was now my boss.

We went to a new Spanish restaurant that was specializing in tapas.  He saw
my confusion at the menu and ordered for us both.  I had to admit the food
was really good.  Little plates of seafood, ham, cheeses, and hors
d'oeuvres along with glasses of sherry and red wine... Yum!  Despite
myself I was relaxing with him and enjoying his company.  He was telling me
about Spain and the time he had spent there as an exchange student during
college days.  He stories were great and made me laugh.  Seems he spoke
fluent Spanish, too.

But then, suddenly something broke inside me.  I lost my temper without
even realizing it.  I suddenly flushed with anger and half yelled at him,
'Brian, why the fuck are you patronizing me?  Why the smiles and wining and
dining?  I know you're setting me up for a fall, aren't you?  Are you that
fucking sadistic that you will enjoy watching me fail as I always do?  Are
you?'  I was instantly ashamed of my outburst.  I lowered my eyes and
cursed myself silently. Why was I always such a fool?  I waited in silence
for his response.  When it came I raised my eyes and looked at him in
astonishment.  What had he said?

He repeated himself.  'Quite the opposite actually, David.  I was actually
going to talk to you about a new job.'

I must have looked like quite a sight.  I'm sure my mouth was wide open in
surprise.  He did smile at me then.

'David, I've been asked by my former firm to come back.  It seems that
they've learned the error of their ways.  Once I left and my shithead boss
was on his own, they started to lose business as the quality of their
product went down.  So, they have now fired him and offered me his job. I
plan to take the job.  However, I'll need a deputy director I can rely on,
whose work quality I know.  I was planning on offering you that job.'

I'm sure I looked even more surprised then.

'David', he said, 'you don't give yourself much credit, do you?  You're the
best person in our group, except for me,' and he laughed a bit at himself
then.

I stared at him with astonishment.  Me?  He returned my stare with his half
smile. I realized he was actually serious.

'Yes, you', he said out loud.  However, then his face turned quite serious.
'However, David, you'll need to get into shape to do this job.  The job
will involve a lot of presentations and travel.  You'll have to look your
best when you represent your new firm,'

I must have looked pale.  Brian suddenly looked a bit nervous.  He ordered
a glass of Spanish brandy.  I took a couple of gulps and started to feel a
bit more like myself.  Brian and I talked for a while longer and I finally
started to believe he was serious about what he said about my abilities and
this new job.  By the time I left we had settled all the details about the
new job, when we'd tender our resignations, and when we'd move into our new
offices, etc. etc.  Wow!

The next few weeks were crazy.  Our current firm tried to keep both of us,
but couldn't offer the bucks Brian's old company could.  On Brian's advice
I booked a session with his personal trainer the following day.  Damn, was
that dude serious!  I came home in pain, real pain, but knew I'd have to go
back.  Damn again!  I followed the trainer's plans and advice religiously.
I cut back on my drinking and the amount I ate.

Brian and I had given our current firm a whole month's notice before we
left.  He had negotiated for us to get a week off before we started at the
new company.  By the end of the month and week, I noticed I couldn't wear
my clothes anymore.  My body had shifted dramatically.  Brian, who noticed
everything, (damn this dude was smart) insisted I go with him to his tailor
(his tailor?).  He insisted on buying me a whole new wardrobe, telling me
the company would pay for it, since I needed the new clothes to do the job
the company had hired me for.

After I had stripped in the changing room and saw myself in the big
mirrors, I gasped.  I didn't recognize the guy in the mirror.  Instead of
this pudgy, overweight, slouching, middle-aged dude, there was a
nice-looking guy with good shoulders, beginnings of a chest 'rack', decent
abs, and decent legs and butt.  And he was standing up straight, too.  The
brown hair could use a trim, but the jowls that had started to form were
gone and the brown eyes were clear and even shining. I think I looked 10 or
even 20 years younger.  Wow!

I shook my head in amazement and got dressed in the clothes the tailor had
selected.  While I didn't look like Brian, I decided I looked ok.  I began
to believe I could do the new job and wouldn't let Brian down.

I blushed when Brian whistled when I came out of the fitting room in my new
clothes.  I was quite embarrassed when he admired me and said, 'Wow,
whatever I'm paying my personal trainer, I'll double it!  David, you're
looking good!'

'Thanks, Brian,' I said.  I didn't know what else to say.  He gave me a
real smile then.  That transformed his face.  That did something to me.  I
wasn't sure what it was though and ignored it as best I could.

Brian insisted on taking me to buy casual and semi-casual clothes as well.
He assured me the new firm would pay for this.  He also told me I'd
probably fill out a bit more after working more with our trainer, so didn't
buy many of anything.  Still, it was a relief to have clothes that fit.  I
wouldn't mind doing laundry more often while I finished 'filling out',
whatever that would entail.

I was so excited by everything that I went home early from the shopping
trip, planning on showing off my new clothes and new body to my wife.  I
don't know if I was hoping for a renewal of our relationship or not.
However, I did want to share my new me.

I was surprised to see a car I didn't recognize in the driveway.  That made
me a bit cautious.  I opened the front door quietly and listened.  I could
hear sounds from my wife's bedroom.  Carefully I tiptoed upstairs and
listened.  I could hear moaning sounds and passionate screams.  Someone was
having fantastic sex and I knew who it was.  I got sick to my stomach.  I
slumped to the floor but couldn't block out the sex sounds as they got even
more intense.

I finally decided I had to see who it was with my wife.  I decided I had to
know.  My wife's bedroom door wasn't locked.  I decided to open it just
enough to peer in and see who was fucking her.  I figured she was so
engrossed that she would never see me.  I was right.  But then I was
shocked out of my mind, too!  After opening the door ever so slightly I saw
that there was no man in her bed.  Instead I recognized Brian's wife, naked
in bed, with my wife!  They were in a wild 69 with their faces in each
other's pussy, making the other scream with pleasure and orgasms!

I almost threw up then but was also turned on by seeing their naked,
writhing, bodies.  Well, it was obvious that my new body wouldn't renew our
relationship.  It was also obvious why my wife had given up on sex with me,
too.  I crept out of the house, went to the liquor store and bought a big
bottle of bourbon.  After waiting long enough I went back 'home'.  The
strange car was gone.  I went up to my room and drank.  I fell asleep
early.

I woke up early enough.  I went downstairs and sat in the dark, numb.
Eventually my wife came down, found me in the dark, and turned on the
lights.  I stared at her.  I could see when she understood.

'You saw Cayla and me yesterday, didn't you?' she asked.  'I thought I
heard some noise.'

I nodded.

'So, now you know,' she said.

I nodded, again, numb, speechless.

'And if you're wondering, Brian knows.'

I stared at her in shock.  She laughed bitterly.  'Oh yes, he knows...'

I asked Brian for another week off before starting the new job.  I drove to
a nearby seaside resort and spent the week by myself.  Eventually the
numbness turned into a quiet acknowledgement that I had probably always
known that my wife was lesbian, at some level.  She certainly hadn't been
very interested in me, even when we first got married and I was decent
looking.  I also realized I had expected that on some level.  I wondered if
that was why I married her.  I finally decided I wasn't really much of a
sexual person and had subconsciously selected a woman who wouldn't ask for
much sex from me.  Somehow that made me feel better.  When I went back home
I asked my wife if she wanted a divorce so that she could be with women
openly.  To my surprise she said she didn't.  'I'm happy with my life and
the way things are.  I'll only divorce you if you find a woman you'd rather
be married to or if I do.'

Well, surprise again.  I was still so numb in so many ways that I doubted I
would ever want to marry again.  So, I left things the way they were.

I kept on with the personal trainer and did 'fill' out.  I finally had a
body that looked a fair amount like Brian's.  Guess that's no surprise
being the same age and having the same trainer.  His tailor finally made up
a final wardrobe for me.  It did look really good on me and got lots of
compliments. My wife and I continued to be cordial if not exactly friendly.
I made sure to never come home early.

Brian and I worked well together.  I blossomed at his company and began to
earn real bucks for the company.  I made big commissions now.  I finally
got real vacation time and took vacations by myself.  It was such a relief
to be out of my house and out of the office.  While I never flirted with
anyone at the office, I had the feeling that others in the office were
flirting with me.  I even began to wonder if they were being set up to do
that.  After thinking about it, I wondered if Brian were taking pity on me
and setting that up.  I mean he must have known his wife and my wife were
having an affair.  That made me both sad and angry.  But I didn't push him
on that.  I loved my job.  And that was all I had.

I finally hit the big 5-0.  Brian insisted on making a big deal out of it,
just as he had for his 50th the year before.  After a big party with the
whole firm, lots of food, too much drink (I was no longer used to it), I
was in a limo driving me to my favorite seaside resort, my favorite big
room with big fireplace, overlooking the cold North Atlantic sea.  The
innkeeper got me settled.  He and his wife unpacked my luggage.  They got
out my flannel PJs , built up the fire and let me watch the snow fall
outside the snug room and inn.  I opened the window to hear the wind blow,
feel the cold and the snow on my naked face.  Was this all there was, I
wondered?  I was more or less content with my life.  But I wasn't happy.  I
realized I had never been happy.  Still, what I had was more than most
people, I thought, as I relished the cold and the pain it caused.

I didn't hear the door open.  I didn't hear the footsteps cross my room.
However, I did feel the warm hands enclose my face and pull me back into my
room!  WTF?

I must have looked ridiculous, sputtering in rage, because Brian suddenly
laughed out loud at me.  Brian?  WTF was he doing here?

I suddenly realized I was naked.  I had taken my clothes off before leaning
out the window, intending to snuggle into the flannel PJs the innkeepers
had laid out on my bed.  How could I be naked in front of my boss?!?  But
then I realized he was naked, too.  How could that be?  His incredibly hot,
mature, body was naked!  He was holding me.  We were both naked.  WTF!!!!
He looked at me with such longing and said, 'I've waited ten years for
this.'

Then he took me, naked, into his naked arms and ground his naked body into
my naked body and fucking kissed me more passionately than anyone in my
life had ever done!

Skyrockets in flight!

I didn't know what hit me!

I realized at some point that I was kissing him back just as passionately!
OMG.  How long had I loved this man and how long had I not admitted it?  He
felt my passion and his passion returned.  'So, you do love me?' I nodded
in hopeless ecstatic happiness. ' I thought so but needed to find out if
you loved me like I love you.'  I attacked his mouth with mine.  'Guess
that answers my question!' he said, smiling broadly.  I dragged him to bed!

My 50 years of asexuality ended that night!  I was a wild man!  I made love
to Brian all night long. I made love to him all morning and all day long!
I could never, ever, get enough of the first person in my life I had ever
truly loved.  Eventually we finally came to a sweaty halt after nearly 24
hours straight of making love.

He looked so fucking beautiful--disheveled, sweaty, worn out.  I started to
think about going after him again.  'Oh no you don't David', he pleaded.
Grin.  'Let me just ask this.  Will you marry me?'

I burst into tears, unexpected tears.  He held me.  Our wives had divorced
us a couple of years ago and had married then.  Why that hadn't tipped me
off?

'Of course, you impossibly handsome dude', I yelled.  'Takes one to know
one', he said in the most juvenile and hot thing I had ever heard!

It took most of the week for us to work through our ten years of unspoken
love.  The following month we flew to Montreal to get married.  A lot of
the office came with us.  The honeymoon was epic.  No one can be happier
than we are.

However, it took fucking 50 years to find this.  I wouldn't wish that on
anyone.  Find your happiness now and fucking take it by the horns and just,
fucking do it!!!!!  GO for it!

David and Brian.