Date: Wed, 14 Sep 2005 23:53:31 EDT
From: RitchChristopher@cs.com
Subject: briarwood:briarwood-lost-25
All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or
are offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language,
please exit now.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
"BRIARWOOD"
aka "Whence Cometh My Help"
Revised Version
A dramatic saga
by
Ritch Christopher
with literary enhancement by
Les Martin
<><><><><>
BOOK THREE
"BRIARWOOD LOST"
Chapter Twenty-Five
* * * * * *
"As the days go by,
I keep thinking, 'when does it end?
Where's the day
I'll have started forgetting?'."
Stephen Sondheim
"Not a Day Goes By"
from "Merrily, We Roll Along"
Act II (1981)
<><><><><><><><><><><>
"Where in God's name can he be?"
A week had passed and still no word from Roger. Cliff had already
gone through stages of shock, disbelief, fear, anger, grief and denial. It
was time for acceptance but he was afraid there would never come a time
when he could accept Roger's sudden disappearance. If Cliff had had a clue,
a hint, a suggestion, or the slightest inkling that Roger would
disappear--- but there had been none. That's why Cliff kept thinking that
whatever caused Roger to vanish was no fault of Cliff's. Roger must've
been kidnapped, or had a wreck, or got hit in the head and was suffering
from amnesia. Any of these things would be easier to believe than that
Roger left for no reason, without an explanation.
For Cliff, daily living became an endless wake, a funeral that
would never take place because there was no corpse. The order of the day
was incessant mourning, morning and night, day after day. So often Cliff
had seen a movie, read a book, or watched a newscast where someone's child
was missing or had been kidnapped, and the minute the family was notified
of the child's death, the parents and loved ones were so relieved. In the
past, he had always thought to himself "How can they feel relief?' But now,
for the first time in his life, Cliff understood their sighs of relief at
closure. It's not the dreaded 'knowns' that one fears, it's the unknown.
Cliff contacted John Walsh and asked if he would show Roger's
picture on his 'Most Wanted' show. Surely someone across the continent must
have seen him! Everyone at the large estate knew not to use the house
phone--keep it clear just in case Roger called. The manse was filled with
unhappy campers. Roger's disappearance had thrown a shadow on all
rehabilitation and, oddly enough, on all sexual activities. Everyone in the
house felt that they were doing Cliff a favor by abstaining from physical
contact. Timmy had even stopped kissing Rob 'hello' when Rob returned from
work in the evening. The happy, campy, gag-a-minute Jay had been replaced
by a more subdued, serious Jay. Cliff wondered if this would put a quietus
on Jay's remission and recovery. Troy had stopped exercising. He acted as
if he didn't care if he got better or not. One of them should have taken a
can of scarlet paint and painted a huge 'D' on the front door...'D' for
depression. But that was futile since the door couldn't be seen from the
road. If it were possible, Cliff would like to have filled a canister set
with Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Efflexor, and Xanax and made it available to
the entire household..
Timmy got the news he could return to his old teaching job with no
questions asked. That, at least, was something to be grateful for. During
Timmy's ordeal, Roger had been the sleuth providing all the data input. It
was only days later that Cliff realized that Troy and Judge Wilkinson had
the same last name. If that had been brought to anyone's attention, it
could've created havoc in the community. But fortunately, no one put two
plus two together. If he had, he would still have come up with zero
because Troy and the Judge were not related.
Three days ago, Jay told Cliff he had received an unexpected phone
call from a guy named Kyle, who also just happened to live in Briarwood,
but lived on the opposite side of town. The irony of this communication
was that Lonnie, Jay's lover who died from AIDS, had left Kyle for Jay.
Lonnie had rendered both Jay and Kyle HIV positive. Kyle knew that Jay
lived in Briarwood somewhere, and the man Kyle was staying with, Walter
Clayton, had paid for some detective work to find Jay's whereabouts.
Somehow Walter and Kyle were able to get a clue and finally tracked Jay
down at the manse. Kyle wanted to meet with Jay for coffee and a chat. Jay
asked Cliff if he thought it was a good idea and, without hesitation, Cliff
replied, "Yes". Cliff felt that Jay and Kyle could talk and reach a
closure in respect to Lonnie. That was the one thing Cliff longed for in
his situation--the one thing he needed, but couldn't face---a future
without Roger.
At first, Jay was leery of telling Troy about the proposed contact
with Kyle since Jay and Troy had been almost inseparable since they had
begun their affair. Jay wasn't sure if Troy would be jealous or if he
might possibly read more into the 'meeting' than was meant to be. Jay
didn't know Kyle. The two had glared knowingly at Lonnie's funeral but each
refused to say a word to the other...not even, 'hello'. Only Lonnie had
linked them together, so there was no reason for Troy to become suspicious
or jealous.
Of course the church didn't know that Cliff was gay nor that Roger
had been his lover. The congregation sloughed off their relationship as
being merely housemates. Therefore, when Cliff was on the job, he had to
maintain a cheery facade even though he was falling apart inside. Saturday
afternoon confessions were almost a joy. Listening to everyone's sins and
woes made Cliff feel he wasn't so bad off. Cliff was becoming almost
sardonic. Someone would tell that they were contemplating divorce or their
aunt in Houston had this terminal condition, and many times Cliff almost
shouted, "Hooray! You're worse off then I am!" But Cliff had nothing like
that in his nature.
Cliff wasn't surprised, rather more amused, when he saw Jason and
Tony, his two favorite acolytes, waiting outside the confessional. Either
their sexual experimentations had gone farther than they knew how to
handle, or they had received flack from their parents about their
behavior. Cliff hoped they wouldn't reveal their 'sin' by entering the
confessional booth together. Anglicans are not known to be stupid nor are
they judgmental. As a religious sect, they believe there is no sin too
great to forgive or be forgiven. Therefore, if the line of 'sinners', each
waiting his turn in the confessional, saw two boys confessing together,
they'd have to assume either that the boys had robbed a convenience store
together or maybe they had learned a new five finger exercise
together. But, luckily for Cliff, Tony and Jason entered
separately. Whatever secret they had to reveal to their confessor was not
at all what Cliff expected.
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." It was Tony's voice. "What
am I suppose to say next?"
Cliff covered his mouth to keep from laughing.
"How long has it been since your last confession?" Cliff managed.
"Never...I mean, forever...Heck, Father, this is my first time."
"Well, now, you usually accuse yourself of whatever sins you've
committed and then I ask you about the severity of your misdeeds."
"Do I have to tell EVERYTHING?" he asked. Even though Cliff
couldn't see them, he knew Tony's bright brown eyes were wide in their
sockets.
"You do, if you want me to absolve you and tell you your penance."
"What kind of penance?"
"That depends on how deeply you've sinned."
"Uh oh, I could get a life sentence."
"There is no sin too great to forgive."
"But do I have to tell you everything?"
"Yes."
Cliff knew whatever Tony had to confess was uppermost in his mind
and he was quite worried. But at the same time, this little variance in the
normal boring confession was so humorous, Cliff felt better than any time
since Roger's disappearance. He decided to play along and draw this scene
out with Tony as long as he could.
"I know you can't see me, Father, but I know darn well you
recognize my voice...don't you?"
"I have a pretty good idea, but remember anything you say to me in
confession cannot go any farther than the walls of this booth. I am bound
to secrecy by my vows."
"Well then, you probably already know what I have to confess and
who else it involves."
"I'll be like a juror and not form an opinion until I hear all the
evidence. Now, what do you want to tell me?"
"Well, you know how you told Jason and me to talk to our moms and
dads about what we were doing."
"Yes, I remember."
"Well, they found out all right, but not the way you think."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. We were over at Jase's house...in his bedroom...and we were
doing like we always do...you know...jerkin' each other off...and then we
decided to do some more things..."
"Oh? What kind of things?"
"Well, you know, OTHER THINGS...like birds and bees stuff, only
with guys."
"And did you try?"
"Yeah, we took our pants and underwear off...we kept our shirts on,
though...any way it took four or five tries before it worked. I think it
hurt Jason, although he tried not to show it. Any rate we started moving
together, you know, 'doin' it'?...and honest-to-goodness, Father, it was a
lot quicker than just jerking off. It didn't last long but it sure felt
good...But about that time, Jase's mom came in to bring us a couple of
Cokes and she saw us...She screamed and dropped the cokes and they got all
over the carpet and I jumped up and tried to hide myself with my pants and
before I could get my underwear on, she called for Jase's dad to come look
at us."
"You mean he saw you, too?"
"Yeah, he came rushing, like Jase's mom had found Jase dead on the
floor or something...and all she said to his dad was 'Look!!' and then she
ran out the door and called my mom."
"What did Jason's dad do?"
"Nothing. He was real nice. He took us into the bathroom and told
us to wash good, but I was so worried about what Jase's mom was telling my
mom, I couldn't even hold on to the soap...one time it slipped so far it
landed in the bathtub."
"And?"
"And then Jase's father saw how nervous we were and he sat down on
the edge of the tub and took the washcloth and cleaned me and Jase, both."
"Did he say anything?"
"No. It's what he didn't say that worried me."
"So he cleaned you up and then what?"
"We got dressed and sat on the side of the bed and waited for
Jase's mom to come in and fuss at us."
"And did she?"
"No. Jase's dad wouldn't let her."
"What did he say?"
"He told her that what we were doing was a phase all boys go
through. Heck, he told her he'd done it himself."
"How did she react then?"
"She was cool. She just sorta calmed down, smiled, and acted like
she knew what he was talking about."
"So she didn't scold you?"
"No...But I was more worried about what my mom and dad were going
to say when I got home."
"Did your parents come over to Jase's house and get you."
"They came over, all right, but not just to get me. It was like a
gathering of the tribes. I swear, you'd've thought I'd gotten Jase
pregnant and they had to make wedding plans for us."
"Was Jason frightened also?"
"Yeah, but not half as much as me."
"Did both your parents, you and Jason all sit down and have a
discussion?"
"Our parents did, but they wouldn't let Jase and me come into the
kitchen where they all were sitting. They even shut the door so we
couldn't hear what they were saying."
"What did you and Jason do?"
"We sat down in the living room. We were both so scared and
embarrassed we couldn't even look at each other. We could hear them
talking loud in the kitchen."
"Were they angry? I mean, were they shouting at each other?"
"No. A couple of times we even heard them laughing out loud!"
"Did you think they were laughing at you and Jason?"
"They must've been because about a half hour later they came out
all 'friendly' like. You know how you told us that some day boys might get
to marry each other in our church?"
"Yes."
"Well, Jase and I thought they'd made plans for us to get married
secretly after what we'd done."
"What did they say to you?"
"Well, first they said all the things you said to us about how
normal it was for boys to experiment with each other."
"After that, were they angry with you?"
"No. That's just it! They told us if we were going to act like
adults we had to start doing things adults did. They told us we'd have to
come to church and confess to you and ask for forgiveness for what we'd
done...and then, they made us both promise if we tried anything like that
again, we'd have to wear condoms."
"You mean they gave you their permission to continue with
your...your experimentation?"
"Yeah, but only if you and God forgave us! The only thing is...I
think God got mad at me...and punished me."
"Why do you think that?"
"'Cause I haven't been able to get a hard-on since. I think God put
a curse on my thing."
All Cliff could think was, "God, the wonder of youth! And thank
God for making understanding parents!" But instead Cliff comforted Tony by
saying, "Tony, I'm sure this is only a temporary problem. I'm glad your
parents chose not to punish you. Not all boys are as lucky as you. I'm not
trying to frighten you, but there are many denominations that look on what
you did as a sin...a sin that would damn you to all kinds of everlasting
punishment. But, fortunately for the both of you, our church doesn't see
things that way. People are born gay the same as they're born straight. So
how can we condone one group and condemn the other? A loving God...a God
who understands...a God who treats all his creations equally...cannot make
that big a difference if He IS God."
"You mean there's no punishment for what we did?"
"None that I know or that I believe in."
"Why did they make us want to confess to you then?"
"Because...and I take this as a compliment, your parents wanted you
to get in the habit of discussing things you aren't sure about. They knew
what I would say to you. They trusted me to let you know that what they had
done was the right thing."
"Gosh, I feel so relieved."
"And I'll bet you a case of Cokes, the next time you try something,
you won't have any trouble getting an erection."
"You really think so?"
"I'll betcha. The only thing is...I know that you and Jason have
only been with each other, but your parents are right about the condom
decision. There are many diseases and conditions in the world, like
syphilis, gonorrhea, even AIDS, and some of these things have no cure,
yet. A lot of them we're not sure how they are transmitted. And until we
do know where they come from and how to treat them. our only salvation is
precaution. You can never be too careful, even with your spouse or your
best friend. Keep your promise and wear the condoms except for non-contact
activities such as masturbation."
"Father, do you know how worried I've been about coming to confess
to you this afternoon?"
"I have a pretty good idea."
"That's why everybody in the church calls you, 'Father', no matter
how old they are."
"I guess you have a point, Tony. I'd never thought of it that way."
"So what's my penance?"
"Your penance is...I want you and Jason to go home and thank your
moms and dads for loving you and tell them how glad you are to have them as
parents."
"Is that all?"
"Tony, believe me, that's enough. Only remember, any time you or
Jason have a problem, don't be afraid to discuss it with your parents or
come to me. I'm always here for you."
"Y'know, you're all right, Father!"
"So are you, Tony!"
"Now should I send Jason in to see you?"
"Are his sins the same as yours?"
"Identical."
"Then send him in."
"I will, only first I want to kid him by telling him you said we're
going to hell."
"Tony, don't you dare! You've heard of the wrath of God?"
"Yes."
"Well, it won't be God's wrath pouring down on you! You don't want
to see how an Irish priest behaves when he gets angry!"
"OK, Father. I won't tease him. I want him to love you as much as I
do."
Tony left the booth smiling. He was replaced by a rather
worried-looking Jason.
<><><><><><><><>
"We have so much in common.
It's a phenomenon..."
Stephen Sondheim
"Small World"
from "Gypsy" Act I (1960)
<><><><><><><><>
Jay returned Kyle's call and arranged to meet him at 'The Coffee
Bean', a little espresso shop in downtown Briarwood. Jay was trying to
remember if he and Kyle had actually spoken at Lonnie's funeral. After due
reflection, he was certain they hadn't. Each of them knew hardly anything
about the other. They might have been total strangers, but having two
common links. One...they both had had the same lover...and two...the lover
had infected both of them and made each HIV positive.
Jay was the first to arrive. The waiter showed him to a secluded
table for two in the small darkened room. When Kyle approached the table,
Jay lost his breath for a second as he got his first good glimpse of the
beauty he saw in Kyle's face. Kyle was a living dream with his dark hair,
dark eyes, and olive skin. Any producer at any ad agency in the world would
be eager to have Kyle's face on a product or magazine cover. Jay couldn't
understand why Lonnie had ever left Kyle. If Brad Pitt had met Kyle before
he'd met Jennifer, a new chapter would have been written in the annals of
Hollywood.
"Jay?" Kyle asked,
Jay recovered his poise and rose to greet his guest. "Hi, Kyle. Sit
down, please." Jay said, motioning to the chair opposite him as he reseated
himself.
"I was glad you returned my call."
"I have to admit I was shocked to discover you lived right here in
Briarwood."
"That's something, isn't it?"
"Something right out of Ripley's comics."
"Have you ordered yet?"
"No, I was waiting for you."
"Order anything you like...my treat."
"Cafe Français will be fine."
"We'll order two."
"Seems like...like having the same lover isn't all we have in
common."
The blonde 'Rick Shroeder-look-alike' came to their table and took
their order, then left, smiling coyly over his shoulder.
"So what are you doing now since you're home?" Jay asked.
"You want the long or the short version?"
"Whichever."
"Let me give you the capsule version."
"OK."
"Lonnie left me about five years before he met you and I found out
I was a benefactor of what he had to offer. It seems he left you a little
something to remember him by, too. Well, my agent and my advisors slowly
froze me out of all the high-paying jobs and they all but ran me out of
town like I had the plague or something...I guess that's really
funny---'cause I actually DID have the plague. "Any way, I came home to
Briarwood to be with my mom and my dad. At least here I could hide and try
to think what I wanted to do with the rest of my short life. And when my
folks saw I could no longer keep them riding high on the golden carousel,
they shut me out of their lives. They knew Dad was gonna have to go back
to work and they could no longer wallow in the social and the
pseudo-cultural lifestyle they had grown accustomed to with my money. I
had tried to snuff myself out several times in New York. Once by gas from
'friendly ConEd'. Then I tried to sharpen my razor on wrists. Another
time I was about one pill shy of an overdose. I discovered New York was
just too expensive to stay there and die. So I came home to dear old
Daddums and Mum. Ha--they wouldn't even let me get my foot inside their
door. I found a little room on the south side of Briarwood. I had enough
money to live on. I still get my residual checks from all the commercials I
did. That's something Mom and Dad don't know. But at any rate, I got me
this room, not to live in, but to die in. My t-cell count was so low it
wouldn't make a shadow in the noonday sun. Just before I left New York, my
Park Avenue doctor wrote me a prescription for barbiturates for sleeping,
for pain management...whatever. I took the whole goddamned bottle. Only I
took 'em on an empty stomach and started vomiting. I was heaving so
loudly, this guy in the next room to mine heard me and came rushing in and
called 911. The paramedics came, took me to the hospital, and pumped my
stomach so I could go on enjoying my fun life. I met this doctor at the
hospital, Dr. Hughes, and he made me go to his suicide group. It was there
I hooked up with two other guys in the group, Ryan and Alex."
The waiter came with their coffees and Kyle waited for him to leave
before he continued his saga. Kyle took a sip of the hot liquid to
re-bolster his courage and began again.
"Dr. Hughes teamed me up with Ryan and Alex as kind of a
mini-support group. Then I became seriously ill and wound up back in the
hospital--I was sure it was for the last time. Then Ryan came to visit me.
His folks had kicked him out when they found out he was gay. So Alex's
father, Walter, as a favor to Alex, allowed Ryan to move into their den and
live with all of them. Then, wonder-of-wonders, miracle-of-miracles, Ryan
began visiting me, sometimes two and three times every day. Ryan brought
Alex and Ted with him. Soon Walter was stopping by my hospital room every
day, even young Jeff."
"It sounds as if the whole family 'adopted' you!"
"That's not the best part, Jay. Believe it or not, sick as I was, I
fell in love with Ryan!"
"Oh, my God, this is something right out of Barbara Cartland's
W.P!"
"Crazy, isn't it. There I was with one foot in the grave and the
other on a waxed floor, taking time out from dying and learning how to live
again--by falling in love!"
"Kyle, when you're finished, have I got a story for you! But, GO
ON! TELL!!"
"Jay, my t-cells went through the roof! I got better! Maybe the
meds took effect or maybe it was old-fashioned love. I don't care which it
was. So the day I was discharged, Walter came by the hospital to take me
home with him. He and his boys were giving Ryan a surprise birthday party,
only Walter was saving 'me' to be Ryan's biggest surprise."
"Kyle, dammit, I should have brought some Kleenex!"
"Wait a minute and you'll need them for sure!"
"Jesus Christ! You mean there's MORE?"
"Jay, you were right a minute ago when you said Walter's family had
adopted me because the final gift that Walter had saved for Ryan was really
a gift to BOTH of us...RYAN AND ME!"
"What, for heaven's sake? Tell me before I pee my pants!"
"Without Ryan's knowledge, Walter and his 'sons' had converted the
space over their garage into a five room apartment for Ryan and me. I mean,
it's furnished like something out of 'BH & G'! ALL modern! ALL brand
new. Walter gave each of us, Ryan and me, a key and said he had fixed it up
just for the two of us to live in for as long as we like."
"Oh, God, Kyle, that's wonderful. I suppose I should tell you that
Lonnie talked about you a lot, especially toward the end. He was delirious
with his illness and sometimes he would get mixed up and call me 'Kyle'
while I was holding him. He had many VHS tapes he'd recorded right off the
TV containing your ads. He had two whole tapes made of your scenes on 'To
This We've Come'. Oh, you and I didn't know one another, but I knew who you
were! I had seen your poster plastered halfway across Times Square. Dear
Lord, I used to come down with the vapors every time I saw your big bulge
in those tight Calvin's. I used to limp going to the subway from the
erection your picture gave me."
"Oh, stop it!"
"I'm serious, Kyle. I'd never seen any man as beautiful as
you. When I had learned to live with Lonnie's parting 'gift' to me, I got
angry...mostly at him, but he was dead so I turned my hatred toward you. I
wondered if it was YOU who had given it to him and I began hoping YOU were
just as sick as I, until that day at Lonnie's funeral. I recognized you but
didn't speak for fear I would attack you and claw out your eyes."
"I guess I'm glad I didn't know you well enough to speak to you!"
"Jesus! I was so glad that Lonnie was dead, but I hated him even
more because of the way he ruined my life. I had heard a rumor through the
Third Avenue grapevine that Lonnie had given it to you too. Then all of a
sudden, DOWN came your bigger-than-life billboards. You vanished from the
soap opera and that's when I was sure that your life was as fucked up as
mine!"
"Jay, did you love Lonnie?"
"He was a good fuck! I just wish he hadn't been a 'careless' fuck!
What about you? Did you love Lonnie?"
"No, I loved to fuck him!"
"Oh, you're a top?"
"So to speak..." Kyle blushed slightly and tried to change the
subject. "I don't know how or why I remembered that you or your folks lived
in Briarwood but the other night while were eating supper at Walter's
house, I started talking about Lonnie and HIV and I casually mentioned that
I thought YOU lived in Briarwood. The next day, Walter got on the phone and
called some guy who does background checks on some of his clients, and two
hours later, the detective not only had your address, he had your phone
number. I called and some guy named Rob answered, and I asked if you lived
there. He said 'yes' and I left the number at Ryan's for you to call
me...and, well, here we are!"
Jay's happy face suddenly turned dark as he was about to talk
seriously about himself. He took a sip of water instead of his coffee.
"Kyle, immediately after Lonnie's death, I applied for disability
but a single guy can't live on that scanty amount, especially not in New
York City. So, just like you, I came home to die...or live...whichever
came first. I was shunned, like you, by all my family, friends, and
neighbors. I, too, contemplated suicide. I just couldn't decide on when,
where, and how. So one afternoon, I went over to Weeping Willow Park and
sat by the lake there, to try to reach a decision concerning my demise and
then suddenly, something strange happened to me. I felt a hand on my
shoulder and it turned me around 180 degrees, but when I looked, there was
no one behind me...only a man about 100 yards away, sitting at a gazebo,
eating. It looked from a distance like he was wearing a priest's collar.
Again, I didn't know why, but I felt this 'something' urging me to go and
talk with the priest. I got up and walked slowly toward the gazebo and the
closer I got, I realized my speculation had been correct. He WAS a
priest...a young priest about my age. When I got close enough to speak, he
looked up from his sandwich and I felt a shiver run through my body. I
looked into the priest's eyes and for a split second, I thought I was dead
and looking into the eyes of Christ. Even when he spoke and beckoned me to
come sit by him, I still wasn't sure I hadn't died and gone to heaven to
meet my maker."
Now Jay's hands were trembling and he reached to sip his coffee for
strength to continue.
"Of course it wasn't Christ OR an angel. It was a man who told me
he was 'Father Cliff'...no last name...just 'Cliff' I talked for a short
time with him and before I knew it, I was in his car and he was taking me
to his house...his church's rectory. I stayed with him for a few days, and
without going into details, within a few weeks, we had grown into a
family. One of the guys was his lover, a guy named Roger.
"Roger was apparently a priest at one time, and had been Cliff's
lover and best friend since they were kids. Another guy my age whose name
is Troy was the victim of a car accident and Cliff asked me if I would stay
with Troy and help rehabilitate him...and that was the beginning of MY new
life. Kyle, like most queens, I'm prone to exaggerate. But, if I had never
seen you in person, I could swear Troy is the most gorgeous man I've ever
laid my eyes on. I forgot I had any problems of my own, my whole focus of
life started centering around him. I took care of him as if I had given
birth to him. I bathed, him, fed him, dressed him...even diapered him, so
to speak. I just couldn't seem to keep my hands off him, day and night.
"I'm still not completely sure what kind of life Troy led before we
met, but he was not used to being pampered over. It was as if everything I
did was a special favor to him. At first, he gushed with appreciation. Then
I started noticing how he would put his hand on top of mine while I was
feeding or massaging him. During our chats, suddenly he wanted to hold my
hand. Then one day, right out of the blue, he pulled me toward him and
kissed me. I couldn't believe it. To me, it was like Rock Hudson kissing
Harvey Fierstein."
"Good God, Jay. You don't look a thing like Harvey Fierstein!"
"But that's how I felt. He knew from the start that I had AIDS and
it made no difference to him at all. Later that same night, Troy and I
found a way to have sex in spite of his physical handicap. But this was one
of those rare cases when a quick roll in the hay was just more than that. I
was already madly in love with Troy. It was when he told me he was in love
with me that I almost freaked out! It took several private sessions with
Father Cliff for him to convince me that Troy's affection for me was real
and honest.
"Now we share the same room...and Kyle, for the first and only time
in my life, I'm in love with someone who really loves me!"
"Jay, it would appear that you and I both found an honest and
legitimate house of love. Tell me, are you working at a regular job?"
"No, to earn my keep, I became chief cook and bottle washer and now
I practically run the household! There are two more of us living at the
house, Rob, the one you spoke with on the phone, and his new lover, Timmy.
Both of them have `eviction' stories like yours and mine."
Jay was more confident with his story-telling now, and wanted to
tell the rest.
"Roger somehow came into this huge inheritance and bought the
largest and most expensive house you could ever imagine and we all moved in
and formed a family support group for one another...and we've lived happily
ever after---until last week when Roger suddenly disappeared. No one has
heard anything from or about him. We're all worried sick...especially
Cliff. He's lost without his other half!"
"Maybe I should tell Walter and see if he can get his detective to
help find Roger." Kyle said.
"It wouldn't hurt!" Jay quickly said, "I'm sure Cliff would pay all
of his expenses."
"I'll mention it to Walter when he comes home tonight. I mean, the
detective found you in just a matter of hours. maybe he'll get lucky
again."
"We all would appreciate it!"
"Look, Jay, it doesn't matter what happened to each of us in the
past. We both loved Lonnie and I'm sure he loved both us, in his own
way...at different times perhaps, but there's no reason why you and I can't
be friends. If you like, we could be monitors for each other, and talk
about our symptoms, treatments, and medications. I don't know what the
hell medicine you're taking but you look healthy as a hunk."
"Cliff says I'm getting well due to all the broccoli he makes me
eat three times a day."
"I heard of another kid at an AIDS clinic in New York who ate
broccoli every meal."
"Did he get better?" Jay asked.
"No one knows. He farted so much a doctor couldn't get close
enough to him to count his t-cells."
They both laughed out loud and suddenly as the laughter subsided,
each gazed into the other's eyes. Suddenly they felt a bond of friendship
between them...a bond which they could have shared for several years when
both needed support so desperately.
"Kyle, I want you to come over to the house some night and meet the
other guys. I'll cook a huge feast in your honor."
"Only on one condition...that you'll come to Walter's house one
night and meet Ryan, Walter, Alex, Ted, and Jeff...MY new family."
"God, I'm so glad you called me!"
"And I'm so glad you called me back!"
"Goddamn, our lives have been fucked up."
"They're only as fucked up as we make them."
"Hey, will you call me tonight after you've talked with Walter
about his detective?"
"I promise. I don't know how late it'll be. Walter's been working
late hours. He's a lawyer and he has this new zillionaire client whose
affairs he's handling. This rich guy, just like your Roger, has more money
than he knows what to do with...and he's been shuffling money right and
left so he could go off on some trip or something. I don't know much about
it...just what I've picked up on at the dinner table."
"We'd better go. I have to stop at the store on the way home."
"Call you tonight!"
"Great!...friend!"
"Seems that you and I both found a life after Lonnie."
<><><><><><><><><>
"There's something about an empty bed.
It's lonely with his covers smooth
from foot to head.
No Joe to hold,
my pillow has to do, instead.
Empty am I in my empty bed.
Richard Adler
from "Damn Yankees",
the movie, (1955)
<><><><><><><><><>
Cliff had mixed feelings about returning home after Evening
Song. If only, when he reached the driveway, Rob or Timmy would come
running to meet him and say they had news from Roger. But it was always
the same...night after night...no call...no messages...no
word...nothing... just another lonely night in a lonely king-size bed. The
other guys in the house all had their own worries and troubles without
Cliff burdening them with his own. He had to lock in his grin, keep a stiff
upper lip, and all the other goddamned clichés he could think of as soon as
he turned into the drive. The biggest burden for a priest is something
they never teach in seminary and that is that a priest is not allowed to
have his own woes. He mustn't ever be gloomy or ever be seen with a
troubled look on his face. He's not allowed to cry unless he's in complete
privacy. He must never be happier than any member of his flock. He must
look prosperous on the petty salary he receives but never look wealthy.
There is no private time in his life. It's reserved for others who need it
more. Sex? That's quite out of the question. Even a married priest with a
real female wife must convince his fold that his wife conceived the same
way as the blessed Virgin. Priests are taught the Lord is their shepherd
and they shall not want. But somewhere along the way, Cliff failed to read
this book of rules...because NOW is the time he had to weep...NOW is the
time he had to "want"...NOW is the time for Roger to come home to him!
When Cliff entered the door of the manse as usual, Troy was already
seated at the dining table. Timmy was placing the plates and
silverware. Rob was at the CD case picking out quiet but not depressing
dinner music and Jay was busy readying the hot dishes of food he'd prepared
and in between, telling the others about his meeting with Kyle earlier in
the afternoon.
Cliff set his valise down in the chair nearest his study and
managed a cheery greeting to all of them. They replied with as much cheer
as they could muster, considering the circumstances. Cliff went to the
bathroom and washed his hands. Then he heard the telephone ring and his
heart stopped as it did each time the phone sounded its summons. It was a
wonder he hadn't suffered a thousand coronaries. His body stiffened each
time he heard a phone bell, but to no avail. It was always 'somebody else'
wanting something...never the call that Cliff prayed for day and night.
He heard Jay answer the call and begin a rather excited
conversation with the caller. Cliff knew it wasn't Roger because Jay would
have called him instantly. However, when Cliff came out of the bathroom,
Jay motioned for him to come to the phone...the call was for Cliff.
He held the receiver in his hand while he cleared his throat and
braced himself for whatever news he was about to receive. Cliff's phone
calls were always trouble. He had learned to expect someone calling for
something or telling the latest bad things that had just happened.
"Hello?"
"Is this Father Cliff of St. Genesius' parish?" the voice asked.
"Yes."
"My name is Walter Clayton. I'm a lawyer. I have a client that, I
believe, shares a house with you...Roger Cole."
"YES! What have you heard? Do you know where he is? Is he all
right?" Cliff asked quickly, running all his questions together without
even giving the caller a chance to reply.
"I'm afraid I don't know where he is, but I can assure you he's all
right. He left town apparently for some unknown reason, heading to some
unspecified destination, But this morning, I received a letter from him
with no return address. The letter was contained instructions for me about
how to handle his financial affairs until he returned. He told me that
anything that you or your other boarders wanted, I was to pay for with no
questions asked. There is a large money cache for you and the others to
draw from for your personal needs. Inside the larger envelope was a smaller
one, sealed, addressed to you. If you like, I will open it and read it to
you. But if you prefer, I can have one of my sons bring it over to you, if
you'd like to read it in privacy."
"Mr. Clayton,.."
"Please!--call me Walter."
"Thank you...please call me 'Cliff'. Walter, if you don't mind, as
long as I know Roger is well and all right, I would like to read the letter
myself. I can easily come to your house and get it."
"No, that won't be necessary. I have two young men who live with me
that I refer to as my 'adopted sons'. One of them...Kyle, I believe, met
Jay from your household for coffee this afternoon. Kyle and my other
'adopted' son whose name is Ryan can bring the letter over to you now."
"My God, Walter, that would be wonderful. Do they have my address?"
"Yes, of course. I wouldn't be much of a lawyer without having my
clients addresses, now would I?"
"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking...I'm just so excited, Would you mind
asking them to hurry, but please to be careful?"
"They should be over here in about 15 to 20 minutes."
"Thank you!"
"Since I'm going to be handling most of the funds revolving around
you and your household, maybe we can meet, either at my house or yours,
tomorrow or the next day and I can bring you up to date with bills and
such."
"I would love to meet with you. Just tell me when and where and
I'll be there."
"I'll have my secretary call you in the morning and you name the
time and place. I can arrange my schedule to coincide with yours."
"That'll be great. Good night, and thank you so much!"
"Good night, Cliff"
The others had gotten the drift of Cliff's phone call and were on
pins and needles with excitement. An onlooker would have thought they had
just heard the real Santa Claus on the roof.
Fifteen to twenty minutes can seem like an hour when you're as
impatient as Cliff. But soon he saw the spill of headlights as a car turned
into the long driveway. Two very handsome men got out of the car. Cliff
noticed that one of the two, Kyle, was so good-looking anyone might want to
take time to stare at him like a work of art in a museum. The other one,
Ryan, gave Cliff the letter as soon as he came up the stairs. Cliff grabbed
it, though trying to appear cordial and not too rude. He was aware that the
other guys wanted to hear the answers in the letter...but for the moment,
Cliff wanted this piece of paper Roger had touched to be his...ALL his. He
went into the study and carefully tore open the envelope making sure no
words were torn off the stationary. Cliff paused and counted to three to
compose himself before he sat down to read the epistle....
<><><><><><><><><><>
(To be continued in "Briarwood" Book Three--"Briarwood
Lost"--chapter-twenty-six)
Copyright Ritchris, 2005.