Date: Thu, 9 Nov 2006 15:01:59 EST
From: RitchChristopher@cs.com
Subject: briarwood:chris-and-beyond-107

All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or
are offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language,
please exit now.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>


				"BRIARWOOD"
			 Copyright Ritchris, 2006

			      A dramatic saga

				    by

			     Ritch Christopher


				<><><><><>


				 BOOK TEN


			   "CHRIS AND BEYOND..."


				*  *  *  *

                            "What say, let's be buddies?
                             What say, let's be pals?
                             What say, let's be buddies
                             And keep up each other's morales?
                             I may never shout it,
                             But many's the time I'm blue.
                             What say, how's about it?
                             Can't I be a buddy to you?"

                             "LET'S BE BUDDIES!"
                             Written for Ethel Merman
                             for the B'way musical,
                             "Panama Hattie"
                             by Cole Porter
                             Copyright 1940.

                                     *  *  *  *


                                    Chapter 107



	Cliff walked down the hallway, leaving his office and going in to
Chris'. Chris had just hung up the phone from talking to his old friend,
Bill Russell. He was deep in thought reminiscing his and Bill's youth. Tons
and tons of water had passed under the bridge that once joined them...hurt,
heartache, young love, anger, bitterness, remorse, to only mention a
few. What would it be like to see Bill again, especially now when he was
soon to be free from his marriage with the oncoming death of Carolyn,
Bill's wife? Chris was so preoccupied in his memories, he hadn't heard
Cliff enter his office.

	"A penny...

	"Huh?" replied Chris.

	"A penny for your thoughts..."

	"Oh, hi, Cliff."

	"Problems? I can see by your expression and the forlorn look in
your eyes."

	"Is it that obvious?"

	"You tell me. You're a priest, the same as I. It's part of our
gifts from God to read faces and look beyond the eyes."

	"I...I got a telephone call from an old buddy in my hometown."

	"Uh oh. Every time I receive a call from an old buddy, it's because
he wants something," Cliff said.

	"I guess that's universal when it comes to old friends whom you
haven't seen or spoken to in years."

	"So your buddy DID want something?"

	"Yes, a rather unusual request. His wife is at death's door and he
wants me to come and say a funeral Mass for her when she passes."

	"THAT'S one request I've never experienced from an old buddy. Were
you close to his wife as well?"

	"Indirectly. You see she and I were interested in him at the same
time."

	"WOW! That complicates things for you."

	"Oh, not really, I've been 'over' him for many years...long before
I met Ed. His name is Bill...Bill Russell. He and I were...well, the best
way to describe it is...we were teen jerk off buddies."

	"He was your first?"

	"First and ONLY for many years."

	"And you never forgot him."

	"No, Cliff, I suppose it's true that one always remembers his first
time and never forgets whom it was with."

	"Teen love can be wonderful whether you're straight or gay."

	"I've been meaning to ask you how your Billy and his soon-to-be
young Broadway star are getting along with their relationship."

	"They talk six or eight times a day on their cell phone. Billy is
planning his first weekend trip to New York to see Marc this Friday
afternoon."

	"Boy, talk about a long-distance relationship! They must REALLY be
in love."

	"Roger and I didn't interfere with their weekend arrangements. We
don't know how long it will last between them. Roger seems to think Billy
will grow weary of flying back and forth from Briarwood to the Big
Apple. My feelings are, let love take its course."

	"Too bad most parents don't take the same attitude as you and
Roger. Remember the song, 'Never Say No' from 'The Fantasticks'?"

	"Roger and I take turns singing it in the shower. There's a lot of
truth in that. Just say 'no' to your kids, and they'll find a way to do
it...with or without the parents approval."

	"Do you remember YOUR first love, Cliff?"

	"REMEMBER HIM? Ha! I married him!"

	"Roger was your first?"

	"My FIRST and ONLY, to quote you."

	"What about Roger?"

	"I was HIS first!"

	"And you've been together all these years?"

	"EVERY ONE of them!"

	"That's wonderful! I...I've often thought what would have happened
if Bill has chosen me over Carolyn..."

	"Did you get a hint from him while you were talking with him that
he still might be interested in you?"

	"I don't know. I...I was sitting here wondering, before you came
in, if 'I' could ever be interested in him again!"

	"Well, I'm sure you'll find out when you go to visit him. You ARE
going, aren't you?"

	"I suppose. It's just, I hate leaving you with all the
responsibilities of St. Genesius, all alone."

	"You survived while Roger, Billy, and I gallivanted all over New
York and New Hampshire."

	"Barely...Everything went well with the exception of the long
sessions of confessions. I've often wondered why some people don't keep
what they 'believe' to be sins, to themselves."

	"HA! Sometimes they just want to brag. They're in their fifties or
sixties and have to tell someone, usually me or you, ALL about their newly
revived sex life. Others come to confession because they have no one to
talk with and just need some attention. I used to think that half the
things which they told me in confession were all made up. It was just an
excuse to get to talk privately to me...or you. Then once we pronounce
their penance, they feel cleansed again...free from their sins. Before you
met Ed, I discussed the matter of confessions with him from a medical
standpoint."

	"Oh?"

	"I used to tell him that I believed half of the confessions which I
hear every week would decrease by half if the parishioner was on a good
antidepressant."

	"I never thought of that, Cliff, but you might just be right!"

	"You know, the real reason of my visit to you...I wanted to see if
you wanted to go to Starbuck's for a cuppa."

	"Caffe lotte?"

	"Or caffe blanc mocha. That's Roger's favorite."

	"Sure, why not?"

	"Besides," Cliff added, "I'd like to hear more about your 'Bill'."


<><><><><><><><><>

	At Starbuck's, Chris told Cliff about his discovering Bill with the
janitor at St. Anne's. Cliff smiled and said, "Well, thank God it was the
janitor and not the priest. There's finger-pointing at the Catholic Church
from all corners of the globe."

	"Oh, none of us guys at St. Anne's had any problem with Father
Renshaw. The man suffered from congenital halitosis. His breath smelled so
bad, we often thought he was dead and had been revitalized as a
zombie. None of us never knew what he ate, but it had the fragrances of
cloves, vanilla wafers, and cow manure! Had he been sent to Joseph Lister's
laboratory before they invented mouthwash, the scientists would have given
up their research and developed airplane propellers instead of Listerine."

	Cliff laughed out loud. "So did you confront Bill about his tryst
with the janitor?"

	"I did and I guess if I hadn't, I wouldn't be gay today..."

<><><><><><><><><>

	After Chris saw Billy receiving oral sex, Chris ran home, crying
and went up to his room, locking the door behind him. Half an hour later,
Billy knocked on the Curtis' back door and Katherine invited him in.

	"Is Chris home, Mrs. Curtis?" Billy asked.

	"Yes, go on up to his bedroom. I'm sure he's expecting you."

	Billy climbed the stairs, two steps at a time, ran down the short
hall and tried to turn the knob on Chris' bedroom door.

	"Hey, Chris! It's me, Billy!" Chris remained silent, hoping that
Billy would get discouraged and go away. "CHRIS! I know you're in there
because your mother told me so!"

	"I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU TODAY, BILLY!"

	"All right! Then, I'll unzip my pants and jerk off here in the
hallway and get my sperm all over the carpet! I'm sure your mother will be
watching me!"

	"You wouldn't dare!"

	"Oh, wouldn't I? I'm unbuttoning my pants now..."

	Chris jumped off his bed and ran to the door to open it ASAP. "Get
in here, you idiot! Do you think my mother heard you?"

	"Not unless she can hear from all the way in your backyard. She
went outside just as I came up the stairs. I think she was bringing in some
sheets and stuff off the clothesline."

	"Billy, don't EVER tease me like that again. If my mother knew what
we did yesterday, she'd be mortified."

	"SO? You ready to go for round two today?"

	"No! Not today! Not ANY day! Not forever!"

	"Shit! We really didn't do anything. I touched you and you shot off
like you had a hair-trigger on your dick!"

	"Billy! I want to ask you ONE QUESTION and I WANT THE TRUTH! Our
friendship depends on how you answer."

	"Shoot! I've never lied to you intentionally!"

	"Billy, what were you doing at St. Anne's this afternoon?"

	"St. Anne's? Who said I was at St. Anne's?"

	"I DID because I SAW YOU THERE!"

	"Oh, that was you, huh...slamming the door!"

	"Yes, it was I!"

	"What did you see?"

	"Enough!"

	"Aw, hell! That was nothing, Chris."

	"NOTHING? Billy, you're queer, aren't you?"

	"Hell, no!"

	"What was Titus doing to you?"

	"Oh, that..."

	"YES, THAT!"

	"Well, Chris, it's called a blow job, although if you look it up in
the library, it'll be referred to as 'oral sex'."

	"But why did you let him do that to you?"

	"OK. He's done it to me before...MANY times."

	"Oh, my gosh, Billy! How could you stoop so low?"

	"Well, actually, it was old Titus who was stooping low. I was just
sitting there on the table enjoying it."

	"BUT you were inside the church! My goodness, don't you feel the
sanctity of the church when you're inside it?"

	"Chris, I don't think there's anything sacred about the broom
closet. When I march down the aisle on Sunday during Mass, I'm carrying a
crucifix, NOT a broom or a mop!"

	"You know that the Church teaches that homosexuality is a sin and
yet, you were less than thirty feet from the Host on the altar."

	"I wasn't doing any kind of homosexuality. I didn't do anything to
Titus. It's his ass if he wants to confess it to Father Renshaw, not mine."

	"Have there been others besides Titus?"

	"You want the truth?"

	"ALWAYS!"

	"I won't name names, but there have been seven others..."

	"OH, MY GOD! Billy, I suddenly feel as if I don't know you. How can
we be best friends if you keep things like that from me?"

	"OKAY! Here's your 'SECOND' truth! I...I was warming you up so that
maybe you and I could be that intimate."

	"You think I'd ever give YOU oral sex?"

	"No, but I might do it to you since I've never given it to anybody
else."

	"DAMN!"

	"You MUST be upset because I've never heard you curse before..."

	"Tell me, Billy, where does Carolyn fit into your sessions with
your oral sex buddies?"

	"I'm in love with Carolyn. I respect her as a Catholic in good
faith! I'd never have any kind of sex with her until we're married...but
look at it from MY point of view. When a guy needs to get off and he has no
girl to 'get off' with...a guy has to find whatever outlet is available to
him. NOW, Mister Prim and Proper Goodie Two-shoes! Let ME ask YOU one
question and I'll expect the same kind of honest answer which I gave you."

	"What is it?"

	"All my talk, just now, about oral sex...did it get you aroused?"

	"What do you mean?"

	"I'm asking if you have a hard on right now?"

	"I...I..."

	"Come on, don't hem and haw, what's the truth?"

	"Maybe...a little."

	"Let me feel." Billy reached quickly and grabbed the crotch of
Chris' pants and squeezed. "AHA! Just as I thought! You are normal! You DO
get excited!"

	"Please, let go of me! You're hurting my testicles, Billy!"

	"Afraid you'll shoot off again, like the last time I touched you?"

	 "Billy! PLEASE! NO!"

	Chris' pleading was too late as he filled his pants, underwear, and
a small part of Billy's hand with his semen, once again."

	"My God, Chris! You're Johnny-on-the-spot with that thing of yours!
I never saw anyone climax as fast as you in my life."

	"I'm so sorry, Billy, but you brought it on, yourself!"

	"Chris, for crying out loud! Stop apologizing for being human. I
told you the other day that I love you. Well, I do! I love you so much that
I want you to be as regular of a guy as I and everyone else our age. Come
on, step out of those soiled clothes and go wash up in the bathroom. Let's
see what we can do about getting those cum stains out of your clothes."

	"It seems like every time I'm around you, Billy, I wind up having
to do laundry!"

	"Cleanliness is next to oddliness!" Billy joked. "And Chris,
sometimes you ARE odd!"

	Billy knelt down to help Chris take off his pants and underwear as
carefully as possible to keep Chris' body fluid in the least space, so
there wouldn't be too much to wash. Slowly, Billy put his fingers in the
waist band of Chris' briefs and pulled them down. He was amazed to see that
in spite of the orgasm, Chris still had an erection. The helmet of Chris'
penis was painted milky white from the climax and Billy looked around for a
tissue or something to wipe up the residue. Seeing nothing, Billy just
leaned forward and licked the fluid with his tongue.

	Suddenly as soon as Chris felt the warm lap, Chris became weak from
the shock and his knees buckled under him causing Chris to fall backward on
the floor. Billy was no quitter! He kept Chris' organ in his mouth and rode
Chris all the way down with a thud.

	"STOP IT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, BILLY?" Chris screamed.

	"Since you're my first, I thought I might as well finish the job."

	Chris drew both hands to his face and covered it out of sheer
embarrassment. Billy felt now that he had Chris' approval and continued his
quest. Only two or three minutes later, Chris unleashed his second load
into Billy's mouth. Billy coughed, sputtered, gagged, and held his breath
until he had devoured the last gram of Chris' discharge.

	Chris lay still on the floor, trying to get his breath, but mostly,
trying to think what to say to Billy. What made it so difficult for Chris,
was the fact he had never felt anything as wonderful in his life, but was
too ashamed to admit it...to himself and especially to Billy!


<><><><><><><><><><><><><>

	Cliff sipped his coffee and smiled at Chris. "And that was your
first time?"

	"If you can call it that...yes!" Chris replied. "What about your
first time?"

	"It's no great secret. Roger and I were about your age...fourteen
or fifteen. We were highly competitive in sports...ALL sports. But as you
can imagine, knowing both of us as you do, Roger was a much better athlete
than I. He was almost as militant concerning athletics as he is today about
business deals. Roger loved to win...just as he loves winning, still. Many
time in two-man sports such as tennis, handball, racquet ball, and
especially wrestling, I would 'let' Roger win, just to keep him in a good
mood. He loathed losing and whenever he lost to ANYONE, I was subjected to
his grouchy demeanor, and rather than risk making my own life miserable
after he had lost a match, I'd let him be victorious. It was better for
both of us in the long run. We were wrestling in the gym wearing our
singlets and as usual, we both found ourselves with raging erections. Well,
one thing led to another and soon we were wrestling sans singlets and
engaged in our first sexual encounter."

	"Wrestling, huh? I've heard MORE stories about guys learning about
their sexuality while wrestling with their best friends...more so than
watching porn together, leading to a mutual masturbation session."

	"There's no other sport with erotic body contact than the sport of
wrestling. Some high schools AND colleges require their wrestlers to wear
jock straps, just to keep the crowd of observers in the stands, from seeing
their inevitable penile protrusions," Cliff replied. "Of course in mine and
Roger's day, none of us wore anything underneath our singlets. Time and
again, the coach would let any two guys practice in the gym by
themselves...and as soon as they felt the other's erectile predicament, it
was just a quick hop from the mat to the showers where they got to know
each other VERY well."

	"I suppose I was too damned naive to know that Bill was trying to
seduce me. I mean, just the idea of his putting my organ in his mouth was
disgusting...and SINFUL!"

	"How long did it take you to get over your inhibitions about male
sex, Chris?"

	"Oh, about two more sessions with Billy. I mean, the first orgasm
was enough to make ANYONE addictive to the physical pleasure. This is
funny, but the first time that Billy went down on me and I ejaculated in
about two seconds, I collapsed. My whole body went limp and in my mind, I
felt as if I was experiencing some kind of LSD hallucination. I...I don't
know what made me say it, but as soon as Billy finished, he looked up at me
and said, 'how was it?' and I replied, 'I think I just saw God'!"

	Cliff laughed out loud. "Well, that's one way of looking at it!"

	"Ha! Not when you're a devout Catholic with the intention of going
into the priesthood."

	"So what did you do afterward?"

	"Like an idiot, I told Billy to leave my house and never come
back. Then, later that night, I had a long talk with my dad about it!"

	"That was brazen."

	"TELL ME! You should have seen the look on my dad's face. I mean,
only the night before, my dad had told me how natural it was to masturbate
with Billy, but when I described the first blow job Billy had given me, I
actually saw the blood leave my dad's face. He turned as white as a ghost."

	"I...I gather your dad didn't give his consent concerning oral sex
the way he did about masturbation!"

	"You gathered right!"

	"And so...?"

	"And so, I was so damned excited reliving what Billy had done to
me, I couldn't get it out of my thoughts or mind. That night, I must have
masturbated by myself, half a dozen times. Each time, I dreamed of Billy
going down on me. I'm sure it's the same with crack addicts after their
first experience. They want MORE crack and 'I' wanted MORE blowjobs from
Billy!"

	"Did it occur to you to offer Billy any form of reciprocation?"

	"Oh, no. If Billy wanted to become a queer, that was HIS
business. I would become his willing straight partner...and nothing more! I
know everyone reads in the daily newspapers about the number of gay
Catholic priests...but 'I' was not going to become one of them."

	"I presume that you finally gave in..."

	"Sure! I didn't become gay on my own."

	"When did you first get the inclination that you were gay?"

	"About a month later when Billy took a chance on a dare he'd made
to himself and kissed me."

	"That must've rocked your boat!"

	"It did! It turned my boat upside down. I'd never kissed anyone and
as soon as Billy's lips touched mine, I...I fell completely and totally in
love with him."

	"Did he feel the same way about you?"

	"Not for a long time! Billy was head over heels in love with
Carolyn. I was only a side show attraction. Carolyn was the main event in
Billy's life."

	"Did another guy come into your life while you stood around waiting
for your turn with Bill?"

	"No, Bill was the only one until I went to college."

	"Did your relationship with Bill end on a sour note?"

	"Like a freshly squeezed persimmon!"

	"What happened?" Cliff asked.

	"I was tired of playing second fiddle. I thought if I could get
Bill off to myself, away from Carolyn...JUST FOR A WEEKEND...I could win
him over to my side. So, I convinced him to go away with me to Atlanta on
our high school spring break...Easter holidays to be exact. I knew I was
letting everyone down, my parents, and especially the Church to be away for
the high holy days, but I was determined to plant my flag in Bill's 'Iwo
Jima' and claim him as mine.

	"Bill was reluctant about going, especially Easter weekend, but he
gave in when he saw I had spent practically everything I had in my bank
account for hotel reservations at the Omni Hotel...tickets for a Broadway
touring company of 'City of Angels' which had won the Tony, the year
before...I had budgeted dinner plans at the very best restaurants in
Atlanta, and had found out the names of several hot gay bars. Everything
was planned down to the last detail!"

	"Sounds like an exciting weekend for two!"

	"It did, didn't it?"

	"You didn't go?"

	"Bill and I were going to leave right after school on Wednesday,
drive to Atlanta and spend Wednesday night, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and
Sunday morning, then leave to come home by Sunday evening in time to go
back to Riverwind High on Monday morning."

	"And...?"

	"And so, I packed up all my clothes and gear Wednesday afternoon
and drove to Bill's house to pick him up. I beeped my horn and he didn't
come out. So I got out of my car and knocked on his door. His mother
answered and said how surprised she was to see me. I asked her if Bill was
up in his room and if he was packed ready to go. His mother asked, 'Go
where?'. I told her about our planned trip and she said that I must be
mistaken. Bill was over at Carolyn's house getting everything ready to
announce the first bond of matrimony after Easter Mass."

	"Jesus, Chris! You had no idea...?"

	"NONE WHATSOEVER! I mean...the money I had spent was
immaterial. Here was my best friend, the person I was in love with. The
person who took my virginity...who gave me my first kiss...who made me
stray from my beliefs and the Church's liturgy...all for naught!"

	"What did you do?"

	"I drove back home, went up to my room and stayed in bed without
eating a bite or coming downstairs until it was time to go to school on
Monday!"

	"Did you see Bill and Carolyn at school, Monday?"

	"Yes, dear God! She was showing off her engagement ring to anyone
who would look at it. Bill would stand sheepishly behind her. He never once
looked my way."

	"That was what? March? April? With two or three months left of your
senior year?"

	"April! I...I never spoke to him in all that time. When we went to
church to help Father Renshaw with Mass, I refused to look at Bill. I think
he was too embarrassed to look at me. I KNOW damned well he didn't have the
guts to start a conversation or try to speak to me."

	"That must have been a strain on you."

	"Yeah, but before Bill came into my life as a 'some time' lover, I
was used to being a loner. So it was just a matter of adjusting my life
'B.B.'...before Bill. Then, from out of the blue, he calls me at
St. Genesius wanting me to perform last rites and say a funeral Mass for
Carolyn."

	"After what you said earlier about taking some time off, I presume
you're going to do it."

	"Cliff, you know me! My duties as a priest come first in my
life. If Bill and/or Carolyn believe that my prayers will alleviate some of
the pain they're going through...I have no choice but to say 'yes'. That's
my promise to God."

	"You're a fine man, Chris and a dedicated minister. We are so lucky
to have you at St. Genesius. You know how much Roger and I love you...as do
all the Briarwood Boys."

	"I felt your love the day we met when I asked to be your
assistant. Of course, if it hadn't've been for you and Roger, I would have
never met Ed, the love of my life..."

	"That was God's way of working things out for you and Ed. He meant
for you two to be together."

	"I just miss him so much."

	"Do you think there's a chance of re-sparking your relationship
with Bill, once Carolyn is gone?"

	"NO WAY! It's not that I can't forgive him, I HAVE to...but, I knew
that Bill wasn't part of God's plan for my life."

	"Roger and I were sure that you were about to engage upon a new
relationship with Will Danforth."

	"That...that might have been, but Forrest was the ideal soul mate
for Will and they're doing just fine."

	"So, do you plan on living in that big mausoleum by yourself for
the rest of your life? I mean it was fine for you and Ed, but it IS rather
large for one person."

	"When the time is right and when God's ready to steer me and
another person whom he's chosen, I make out alone..."

	"Oh, dear God, I'd better not let Jay hear anything about your
wanting to live alone. He'll be matchmaking for you and every available
male in Briarwood...even the male visitors."

	"Jay's a lovable corker. I...I could never understand why he and
Troy never moved out of your house and got a place of their own."

	"Jay has always believed that it was his job and appointed duty to
take care of me, Roger, our house, and now, Billy...along WITH Troy. He's
firmly convinced that without him, Roger and I would never have a meal to
eat. Our house would never be cleaned or organized the way he runs it."

	"But when Roger gave the Briarwood Boys his endowment gift, didn't
Jay and Troy get their shares?"

	"Yes, they got their millions the same as the other boys and to be
perfectly frank, I don't think neither Jay nor Troy have spent a single
dime of it."

	"How was Lee doing when you left him in New York?"

	"Lee and Hunter are more deeply in love than any couple I know this
side of Canada."

	"That's great to hear, Cliff."

	"Come on, we'd better get back to the factory before they start
lining up for the confessional"

	"Heaven help us, Cliff!"

	"Amen to that, Father Chris!"

<><><><><><><><><><><>

	After returning to St. Genesius', both Cliff and Chris went into
their respective offices. Chris sat at his desk thinking about the
conversation with Cliff over coffee.  He knew he was on the horns of a
dilemma because he had left the Church of Rome and had become an Anglican.
He knew that the Roman Church did not recognize Anglican orders.  He had
promised Bill he would say a Mass for his wife, but he could only do that
in an Anglican Church.  Deciding he had to take the bull by the horns, he
called Bill.

	"Hey Bill, Chris, here!"

	"I was just thinking about you," Bill replied.

	"How's Carolyn?"

	"No change, which makes it good and bad...good for me that I still
have her and bad for her because of what's she'd going through. I know the
nurses have been giving her dilaudid and traces of morphine for her pain,
but I know she's still suffering tremendously. Full doses of morphine are
her last hope and after that...well, I'd rather not think about that..."

	"I'm sorry, Bill...I REALLY am..."

	"Ever since you called and told me about her and what you wanted,
well, it's put me in quandary or rather a situation from which extrication
is difficult for me in my capacity of a priest."

	"What do you mean, Chris?"

	"First of all, I'd like to know it you and Carolyn are still active
Roman Catholics?"

	"Well, actually, neither of us are what you'd call 'practicing'
Catholics. About two years ago, Carolyn got into a big argument with Father
Ambrose about the Church's stance on condoms...especially for teens who are
beginning to experiment sexually. Even down here in Georgia, there's been a
new onslaught of HIV among young people. Father Ambrose stood behind the
Vatican's viewpoint on the subject and Carolyn stopped speaking to him. She
only goes to church festivals now...never to Mass. Then the last time she
and Father Ambrose met, he was rather nasty to her and she stopped going to
church altogether. I, on the other hand, would go when my conscience
pricked me to go. I felt I needed to say a few prayers when she became
seriously ill, but I'm afraid that I, too, haven't attended regularly. I
still feel my faith is there but my actual participation has dropped to
'ground zero'. It was because of all this mess that I decided to find you
and see if you would say Mass since I knew that Carolyn would not want
Father Ambrose to do so."

	"The only way I could say a Mass in a Roman Church, Bill, was if
the Priest of the Church agreed, and his Bishop agreed to let me say the
Mass.  I know though that that would be impossible.  Isn't there a
so-called high Anglican Church in Riverwind?"

	"Yes, there is Chris.  It's called St Michael and All Angels, why
do you ask?"

	"That's right! I DO remember it...down below Ware's Branch on the
west side of town."

	"Would you, Bill, and Carolyn like to, or agree to, become
Anglican?  If you did, then all that would be required would for you and
Carolyn to indicate to me or another Anglican Priest, verbally, that you
seek membership in the Anglican Communion, then I, or any other priest,
could accept you as a new member and welcome you into the fold. It should
be done during a service, but that is not necessary.  Then if the Father at
St. Michael's agrees, I could conduct the Mass with him assisting me when
Carolyn passes. You might be able to discuss this with him after you get
Carolyn's views, if you can, and make sure you advise him as to why you
asked me, telling him of our being friends since we were teens."

	Chris could almost hear the sigh that Bill let out. "Chris, you
have no idea how much that would mean to me.  I had also thought after I
talked to you how you could when you were no longer a Roman priest. I was
just so anxious to hear your voice and ask you to do this last service for
Carolyn that, at first, I did not think of any difficulties.  I have met
Father James from St. Michael's at a number of functions in town, and I
will see him immediately tomorrow or next day at the latest.  I will ask
Carolyn what she feels she would like to do and have done tonight when I go
up to the ward to see her. She has talked about you a number of times since
we got married. I...I think she knew how much you really meant to me
through the years, since I still kept the picture of us at the old swimming
hole before we graduated.

	"Right, Bill.  For you to change denominations would solve our
problems but I would not want you to do so unless you both really, and
truly, wanted to change.  Most of our services are quite similar but I
would have to do some instruction to you both, or if I get there after
Carolyn passes to you alone.  Call me in the next day or so, Bill, and I
will leave here as soon as I can, and hope that I could get there before
she passed on."

	"Oh, Chris, I will, and I am so very grateful to you. I still love
you, man. I'll call as soon as I can. Bye for now, Chris."

	"Goodbye, Bill."

	Chris sat there after he had hung up, just looking at the phone,
and replaying Bill's last few words over in his mind...'I still love you,
man'. Why in hell did he have to wait so long to say it? Chris was ready to
tell Bill how much he loved him many times, but now with the advent of
Carolyn's death, Bill finally said it. It was funny to Chris, just now, as
Bill's, 'I love you, man', didn't mean anything to Chris. The years had
turned the table on the two best friends.

	Chris arose from his desk, opened the door to his closet and pulled
out a monk's robe, put it on, tied the belt, and went downstairs to hear
one-half of the confessions. Cliff already had a line outside his
confessional across the nave.

<><><><><><><><><><>

	Since coming to St. Genesius, Chris kept a miniature counter in his
pants pocket, just for fun to keep track of the confessions he listened to
every week. Cliff didn't know about Chris' gadget as there was no need for
him to know. After an hour and a half of hearing secret sins, Chris looked
at his counter and it had registered fifteen confessions. He realized that
he was far from being through for the rest of the afternoon and early
evening.

	As number 'sixteen' was entering the parishioners' side of the
confessional, Chris took the time to sip from a glass of water and to put
two spearmint-flavored Altoids mints on his tongue to keep his breath
fresh. His next confessor was a fairly young man about Chris' age...from
what Chris could see of him through the ornate vent which separated the two
of them.

	"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned..." said the man.

	"How long has it been since your last confession?"

	"I'm not really sure, Father...ten? Twelve years?"

	"Are you a practicing Anglican in good faith?" Chris asked.

	"I guess not. That's why I want to get my life straight and set
things right."

	"To what sins to you accuse yourself?"

	"Nothing recent, Father. I...I want to confess something that
happened many years ago when I was in college..."

	"And you've waited until now to confess them?"

	"Yes..."

	"Why, so long?"

	"The time just didn't seem right..."

	"But it does now?"

	"Very much so, Father."

	"Would you like to tell me what you did in college that deterred
you from confessing until now? Was it a mortal sin?"

	"Is love a mortal sin, Father?"

	"No, love isn't...IF no one was hurt or suffered no tragedy."

	"I'm afraid I'm the only one who suffered."

	"Can you elaborate?"

	"You see, Father, when I was in college, I had a roommate whom I
had the biggest crush on..."

	"It was a male?"

	"Yes, Father, a good-looking hot male."

	"Did he find you attractive as well?"

	"I think so. We spent many wonderful evenings together making
love."

	"I see..."

	"Father, is it a sin for a male to make love to another male?"

	"Well, no, not if it's consensual and there's no adultery
involved. Your roommate? He wasn't married, was he?"

	"Oh, no! He was quite single, eligible, and ripe for the picking."

	"Were you in love with him?"

	"Heart and soul!"

	"And was he in love with you?"

	"He never actually told me that he was, but I felt for sure that he
was."

	"So where did the sinning come in with your relationship?"

	"You see, Father, we didn't begin our relationship until our senior
years. Prior to that, we'd both had different roommates..."

	"And, graduation was drawing nigh and I wanted to continue our
relationship after we set off into the world on our own...only, he had more
schooling to attend to..."

	"Medical or law school?"

	"How I wished! No, Father, he had his heart set on being a
priest...a Roman Catholic priest."

	"Was he aware he was sinning against the Roman dogma by having a
homosexual affair?"

	"Yes. I'm sure that's why he never told me that he loved me."

	"I can understand that. His religion came first in his live...over
you? Is that it?"

	"Yes, the last night we were together was just before he left to go
to Divinity school or whatever the Roman Catholics call it! I tried
everything possible to make him feel as I did. I was so close to making
him, 'my own'. That last night was the first and only time, he ever let me
perform anal sex on him. I could tell he was enjoying it. God knows, I
WAS!"

	"So then what happened the next morning?"

	"When I awoke, he was gone..."

	"Did you try to contact him after that?"

	"Yes, I wrote he dozens of love letters, explaining how I felt and
wondered if it was possible for him to feel the same way?"

	"Did he offer you a reply?"

	"He never answered ONE of my letters!"

	"So you went off to other pastures, giving up your plight for the
priest's affection?"

	"I went off...yes, but I never gave up hoping that one day we would
meet again and things would be different and he would look at me in the
same manner which I looked at him."

	"Did you ever see him again?"

	"Not until today..."

	"You mean, here, in Briarwood?"

	"Yes, Chris, when I saw you enter this booth, my heart actually
stopped!"

	Chris stopped the inquiry to let things register in his mind before
realizing that he knew whom he was talking with and the 'he' was the
priest.

	"Brad...?  Brad DILLARD???"

	"Yes, Chris. It's me."

	"But...how...why?"

	"I backtracked your steps and went to the mission in Atlanta where
I was told where you were and that you had changed from Roman Catholic to
the Anglican Church."

	"Why were you looking for me?"

	"Chris, as I said, I never gave up hope that one day we would meet
and resume our relationship where we ended it."

	"My God! I don't know WHAT to say, Brad!"

	"Something like...you're glad to see me."

	"Well, of course, I am. Do you think it's possible that we could
spend some time together later this evening?"

	"Certainly! Are you staying at a hotel?"

	"No, I didn't check into one. I had to see first if you were here!"

	"In that case, you must stay at my house tonight. I have this huge
place with half a dozen spare bedrooms. We can fix dinner together and talk
about old times."

	"Dear God in heaven, Chris! You've chilled me to the bone. If you
can see me, you'll notice that my hands are shaking. I've waited ALL these
years just to see you again...to hear your voice...to look into your eyes."

	"Brad, don't expect us to get involved physically when you come
home with me."

	"I won't! Just seeing you and talking with you will suffice."

	"I suppose we DO have a lot to talk about, Brad. I'll be through
here in a couple of hours if you want to wait or go somewhere for a cup of
coffee or a drink and come back later."

	"I'll just find me a pew to sit in. I don't want to take a chance
of losing you again."

	"Brad, do you want an absolution for your confession?"

	"Do you think I need one?"

	"...No...I really don't..."

	Brad left the confessional and soon he was replaced by the next
'sinner'. Brad's hands were the only ones which were shaking. Chris' were
too. Suddenly ten long years ago, swept Chris' memory back to the time he
spent with Brad. Yes, damn it! Chris was very much in love with Brad at the
time...but at that time, being in love with him was impossible...too many
religious ties and barriers separated them. But now...?

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

	Carolyn slipped in and out of consciousness as Bill stayed by her
side. The two had remained faithful to each other during their
marriage. Bill took his hand to wipe the sweat on Carolyn's brow and to
comb her hair back with his fingers off her forehead.

	"Can I get you something, honey?" Bill asked, tenderly.

	"Some ice, please. My mouth is SO dry..." Carolyn replied.

	Before filling a blue hospital cup with ice, Bill broke the seal on
a glycerin swab to moisten her tongue. The swab was sweet...almost like a
tiny lollipop. She smiled at Bill, thanking him. Then he took a spoon of
ice and placed it into her mouth.

	The ice was rather invigorating to Carolyn. She was cognizant at
this time and asked Bill, "Did you talk with Chris?"

	"Yes, I did."

	"Is he coming?"

	"Maybe by the end of the week..."

	"Did you ask him about...you know...?"

	"He's agreeable if we can make it possible for him..."

	"What do you mean?"

	"He asked if we could ask Father James at St. Michael's Anglican
Church to accept our Roman baptism and allow us to become members of his
church..."

	"Is that possible?"

	"Chris said it was."

	"Bill, at least, when it's time, I can go as a Christian in good
standing. Not an outcast of Father Ambrose's idiocy!"

	"You wouldn't mind becoming an Anglican?"

	"Bill, of course not. If I remember my English history correctly,
the Anglican Church began as a refuge from Roman Catholic outcasts. The
Anglican Church has survived for almost five-hundred years. It believes in
the same God as the Vatican..."

	"Then, if you have no objections, I'll call Father James and ask
him to come by to start the proceeding or whatever is necessary for us to
become members of St. Michael's."

	"Then, can Chris do what we want...?"

	"As long as Father James gives permission..."

	"Bill, that would make me SO happy..."

	"Sweetheart, I'd do anything to make you happy..."

	"I know...I only wish I could have given you the same amount of
happiness that you've given me.

	"But, you have, darling," Bill said.

	"No, Bill, I kept you from having what you wanted most in the
world..."

	"You mean children?"

	"No, Bill, perhaps if we had had children, my ovaries might not
have developed cancer. I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT CHILDREN, BILL. I...I was
talking about Chris..."

	"What?"

	"Oh, don't give me that look of surprise. Bill, I knew that you
loved Chris more than you loved me when we married."

	"Carolyn, how can you say such a thing?"

	"Bill, it's not my dilaudid or morphine talking, right now! I'm
alert and oriented times four! I've always known you kept a special place
in your heart for Chris."

	"Chris and I were best friends...nothing more!"

	"Bill, can you honestly, look in straight into my eyes and deny
that you had sexual relations with Chris..."

	"Carolyn, don't even ask me such a ridiculous thing!"

	"Bill, I'm dying! Did you forget? Do you want to remember me by
lying to me on my deathbed?"

	"Honey, please stop! I...I don't like to talk about things like
this."

	"Bill, DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT HAVE SEX WITH CHRIS?"

	Bill dropped his head and softly confessed, "Yes...yes, I did..."

	"And did you love him?"

	"I...I thought I did...but, I married you because I must've loved
you more."

	"Bill, when I'm gone, do you think you could resurrect your
feelings for Chris?"

	"NO! Of course not!"

	"It would make me happy if you did."

	"WHY, FOR GOD'S SAKE?"

	"At least I could die, knowing that you were with someone you loved
and not alone."

	"Carolyn, even if I could renew my feelings for Chris, I don't know
if Chris is involved in a relationship. He probably is..."

	"Well, I guess we can find out when he comes here this weekend..."

	"Carolyn, I'm NOT going to ask Chris about his private life. I mean
relationships, as you well know, are things which cannot be turned on and
off like a water faucet!"

	"Bill, will you make an effort to find out?"

	"Does it mean that much to you?"

	"Yes, it does, Bill..."

	"Then, I'll see what I can do...BUT, I'm making NO promises!"

	"Just try, Bill, that's all I'm asking..."

	"I will, my love. Now, will you try to get some rest? It's almost
time for your next injection."

	"WHEE! And I'll be flying high again!"

	"Carolyn, I DO love you..."

	"And I love you too, Bill. I'm just so sorry I have to leave you."

	"In my heart, dear one, you'll never leave me..."

	"I...I hope I can for Chris' sake."

	Bill left her bedside with a worried look on his face. Could or DID
he still love Chris...and COULD Chris love him again...?"

<><><><><><><><><><><>

(To be continued in 'Briarwood'---'Chris and beyond...'---chapter 108.)