Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2005 02:01:41 EST
From: RitchChristopher@cs.com
Subject: briarwood:father-jeff-45
All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or
are offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language,
please exit now.
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"BRIARWOOD"
Copyright Ritchris, 2005
aka "Whence Cometh My Help"
Copyright Ritchris, 2002
Revised Version
A dramatic saga
by
Ritch Christopher
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BOOK FIVE
"FATHER JEFF"
Chapter Forty-five
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"When I think of home I think about a place where there's love
overflowin'.
I wish I was home. I wish I was back there with the things I've
been knowin'.
Wind that makes the tall trees bend to leaning,
Suddenly the snowflakes that fall have a meaning--
sprinkling the scene makes it all clean.
Maybe there's a chance for me to go back now that I have some
direction.
It would sure be nice to be back home where there's love and
affection.
And just maybe I can convince time to slow up; givin' me enough
time to grow up.
Time, be my friend.
Let me start again.
Suddenly, my world's gone and changed its face, but I know where
I'm goin'.
I have had my mind spun around in space and yet, I've watched it
growin'.
And if you're listenin', God, please don't make it hard to know if
we should believe the things we see.
Tell us, should we run away?
Should we try and stay, or would it be better just to let things
be?
Livin' here in this brand new world might be a fantasy, but it
taught me to love.
So it's real---real to me!
And I've learned that we must look inside our hearts to find--
a world full of love--
Like yours.
Like mine.
Like home."
from "The Wiz"
music and lyrics by
Charlie Small
copyrighted 1974
by the composer/lyricist
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Jeff and Johnny decided to cut their retreat short by making it
only a weekend trip instead of a full week. This way if word got back to
Briarwood before they did, they might be able to outrun the message and
tell the folks back home of their decision, first hand.
The trip was just what Johnny needed, like a shot in the
arm. Little did he know that his life would change directions in a matter
of three days. Neither he nor Jeff felt any reluctance about moving to
Mackintosh. The hardest part about leaving was the explanation that they
would have to render to all concerned... Walter and Daddy Dave, Father
Cliff, most of all, Roger, and the entire St. Genesius congregation, along
with the staff at the Cole Clinic.
Johnny and Jeff left Mackintosh around 6:00 PM Sunday evening. They
said their goodbye's or "so-long-for-a-while's" to Frank and then they made
one last tour down Main Street, stopping for one more look at St. Aloysius,
which had been packed to the brim for all three masses earlier.
They entered the tiny apse to sign the cross. Even though the
church was empty, there was still an aura of electricity coming forth from
the nave. It was that 'joyful noise' of quiet that Jeff had studied
about. Jeff's 11:00 AM sermon had been short, but effective. Suddenly, the
ill constituents had hope for maybe the first time in months, years, who
knows, in their lives? Jeff would not have to go out into the boondocks and
drum up a congregation. His problem would be how many of them he could seat
at each service. "My God." Jeff thought, "Since all of them are physically
sick, how will I manage house visitation?" He couldn't visit 3,500 people
in a month, let alone, once a week or whenever he was needed. There were no
juvenile residents, which meant Jeff would have to use adults as
acolytes. Well, here was one priest who could never be accused of altar boy
molestation, since there were no altar boys, so to speak. That idea made
Jeff laugh and it got even funnier when he thought of the young adults who
might want to be molested by the new priest.
Jeff and Johnny walked down the aisle to the altar to pray. They
knelt for several minutes; giving each other time enough to give thanks or
cry for help about telling Briarwood of their decision. The two of them
finished about the same time and crossed themselves. Slowly they gazed into
each other's eyes.
"Are you sure, Johnny?" Jeff whispered.
"Are you?" Johnny echoed.
"Yes," Jeff sighed.
"Then, I say 'yes' also."
"No doubts?" Jeff asked.
"I'd be lying if I said 'yes' to that."
"I know. Me too."
"Jeff, we've got to come to one final agreement."
"What's that?"
"When we leave here, we won't discuss anything that's negative
since we've both made our decision. OK?"
"Yeah. No turning back."
"You got it! No turning back."
They stood up in front of the altar rail and looked about at all
the empty pews.
"It IS beautiful, Jeff."
"I know...but it's kinda wonderfully scary."
"And exciting."
"Yeah, and exciting." Jeff repeated.
"We'll be on our own."
"I know."
"It'll be a new experience for you. I've been on my own for almost
eleven years."
"But we have each other."
"That's right, babe, we have each other." Johnny concluded by
putting his arm around Jeff's neck and shoulders. That was all the excuse
Jeff needed to turn and kiss Johnny gently on the lips.
"You don't feel kinda funny kissing me in front of an altar, as
Sandra Dee said to Troy Donahue in that movie, 'right here in front of God
and everybody'?"
"Right here in front of God and an empty church." Jeff corrected
him.
"You ready to head home?" Johnny asked.
"I AM home." Jeff replied.
"I mean 'home', home!"
"Briarwood's not my home...not any longer. My home is wherever you
are." Jeff said, with a small smile,
"God, I DO love you."
"Come on, let's go before you get me excited and I have to fuck you
on the altar."
"You nut!" Johnny cried. "Yeah, let's get out of here. The last
thing I want to do is get you horny!"
The two of them left the church without locking it. There had never
been a lock on the doors. There was no reason to lock it in
Mackintosh. Residents could come and go 24/7 should they need to pray.
Johnny volunteered to drive the first shift, well, he TOLD Jeff he
was going to drive first. That was understood between them. Johnny ALWAYS
drove when the two of them were out together.
They talked, made plans, and re-lived the drag show from the night
before. The two of them kept coming up with names that they remembered and
trying to put names to the faces in their memories. One or two of the
residents looked gravely ill and Jeff had his doubt that they would be
alive when he returned. It would have been excessively forward of him to
offer "almost" final unction to them. Who knows? They might outlive
him. Living with AIDS was so unpredictable. Both Jeff and Johnny had seen
AIDS patients at death's door rally and look healthy as a Brad Pitt, the
next day.
Since taking his final vows, Jeff had never officiated at a
funeral. He had assisted Father Cliff back when he was Cliff's
acolyte. Jeff knew he'd better learn in a hurry, what to say if the death
ratio was as severe as Frank had said. God, there must be something that he
and Johnny could do to make them better, healthier, and happier. At
St. Genesius and with the Cole Institute for AIDS nearby, Father Cliff
might say a funeral mass twice, maybe three times in a whole year. Chris
had never celebrated a funeral mass either at St. Genesius. But,
sometimes, three in one day in a population of 3,500? That figure had to
change and change soon. Heck, if it would do any good, Jeff would propose
that they plow up Main Street and plant broccoli from one end of town to
the other. Jeff hated funerals...ALL funerals. He often was reminded how
his good friend at college, Ritch, used to say, 'the only reason people
attend funerals is to mourn out loud!'
They drove straight through to Briarwood, only stopping for gas, a
midnight snack, breakfast, and a couple of Wendy's and fries for lunch,
just to please Jeff.
While it was his turn to drive, Johnny reflected on the events of
the past few days. Inside of a week he had decided to change jobs, not even
knowing what his new job would envelop, and to top it all, he found out
that he was a millionaire and had been for over three years. Johnny held
no grudge toward Jeff for not telling him about the money. If the situation
was reversed, Johnny might have done the same as Jeff by keeping it a
secret. Jeff had always been full of surprises. That's one of the things
Johnny loved most about him. But it was still amusing to think Jeff had
all this money in the bank for nearly eight years and he was so blase about
it. Jeff had been reared to never want anything because Walter had provided
well for him and Alex.
It was funny though, when you thought that Jeff, with all the money
in the world, so to speak, always settled on Wendy's and fries. Things like
that was what made Jeff, "Jeff". Who wouldn't love him? Who couldn't love
him? Jeff had lost some of his boyish good looks but he had replaced them
by becoming handsome. Jeff was about to become the shepherd of his own
flock, but inside he was still Jeff, the boy, who'd rather be out in an
open field, playing a flute and minding a real herd of rams and ewes.
After they pulled into their driveway, Johnny unloaded their
luggage while Jeff went inside to use the bathroom. While seated on the
commode, Jeff reached up to dial the phone beside him. He called his dad.
"Hello?" Walt answered.
"Hey Dad!" Jeff replied.
"Where are you?"
"Sittin' on the john."
"Sitting on the john, where?"
"Home. Johnny's and my house."
"Home?"
"Yep."
"So soon?"
"Yep."
"Is there anything wrong. I didn't expect you back until next week.
Are you all right? Is Johnny all right?"
"Yep, we're both fine."
"Then I don't understand. You two didn't have a fight or anything,
did you?"
"Nope! I'm fine. Johnny's fine. How are you?"
"Well, I WAS fine until you called. Now you have me suspicious why
you came home so soon."
"I want to tell you about it, but I want to see you in person when
I tell you."
"Jeff, you have a serious tone in your voice. Are you keeping
something from me?"
"Sorta, but don't ask any more questions right now. OK?"
"All right, but I am concerned."
"What are you and Daddy Dave doing tonight?"
"We're having Cliff and Roger over for dinner."
"That sounds super! I want to talk with both of them. You get a
couple of grilled cheese sandwiches so Johnny and I can come over, if it's
all right?"
"When has it never been all right for you and Johnny to come over
here? It's still your home."
Walt's mentioning the word, 'home' clanged in Jeff's mind as the
chimes at the Powder Puff Pub did, Saturday night. Where was 'home' for
Jeff? His dad's house where he was reared? The house that he and Johnny
were living in now? St. Genesius? Mackintosh and St. Aloysius? Or was it
simply as Johnny had said, "Wherever you are is my home"?
From the time that Jeff had spoken his first word when he was six
months old, he had never been at a loss for words. His "words" had often
got him into trouble because Jeff had a reputation from anyone who knew
him, of always speaking his mind and holding back nothing. This
characteristic was an oxymoron for Jeff, the priest. But, for the first
time in his life, he didn't know how to say that he was leaving Briarwood
to his family that loved him dearly. He closed his eyes briefly when he
hung up the phone and prayed "Jeff's Prayer" consisting of "Hey, God! Help!
Amen."
Jeff told Johnny about the dinner invitation from his dad and the
two of them jumped into the shower and played like two street kids under a
fire hydrant on a hot day in Brooklyn. They had 'fun' sex in the water. It
felt good, not only to wash away the dirt from two days driving, but the
hot spray from the showerhead, plus the sex, helped to relieve their
nervous tension.
Daddy Dave had outdone himself with the dinner menu. It was more
like a feast. Walter had failed to mention to Jeff that he had invited Jay
and Troy, and Ryan, Kyle, and their two kids. The entire family welcomed
Jeff and Johnny at the door, as if they had been gone for a long trip
instead of a weekend jaunt to New England. The fact that everyone would be
there made Jeff suspicious that maybe word had gotten back to his family
about the Mackintosh decision.
Little Pete and Danny were outside playing with Walter's two yellow
Labrador Retrievers when Jeff and Johnny arrived at Walter and Daddy
Dave's. The two toddlers came scampering across the large lawn when they
recognized their "uncles'" car.
"Uncle Jeff! Uncle Johnny!" the kids yelled as they ran to jump in
Jeff and Johnny's arms.
"Hiya, puddin'head!" Jeff said, giving Little Pete a big hug.
Johnny hoisted Danny over his shoulders and let him ride the rest
of the way into the house. Johnny always got a lump in this throat when he
saw how happy Kyle and Ryan's sons were. The adopted boys would never
realize how fortunate they were to become part of such a loving
family. Johnny knew, because from the first time that Jeff's family had
seen him, he was adopted from that minute on. Maybe there was no woman in
Little Pete and Danny's lives but that had two great fathers and two
grandfathers that would take them to the moon and back if they wanted to
go. Their dads and granddads were only part of the family that had adopted
them. They had Uncle Jeff, Uncle Johnny, Uncle Alex and Uncle Ted, out in
California, Uncle Jay, Uncle Troy, and two uncles in New York, which they
had never seen, Rob and Timmy. Then of course, there were two loving
godfathers, Cliff and Roger.
Jeff and Johnny were greeted with hugs and kisses from everyone who
was awaiting them inside the house. Walter gave Johnny an extra big hug
while Cliff was doing the same to Jeff.
"I must say," Walter said looking at Johnny's face, "you two were
only gone for the weekend but you both look better than I've seen you in
years."
At this remark, Johnny looked at Jeff. They were both embarrassed
momentarily.
"Walt's right, Jeff," Cliff added. "If you had stayed longer we
might not have recognized you.
"They're right!" Johnny said to himself, "I DO feel rested. Even
Jeff has a glow on his face that I haven't seen for a while."
"You guys hungry?" Dave asked.
"Yeah, Daddy Dave, but we feel kinda bad barging in on your dinner
party like this, I told Dad that we'd settle for a grilled cheese
sandwich."
"Jeff, how long have you known Dave?" Walter asked his son.
"About seven years now, ever since you two fell in love," Jeff
replied.
"Then you should know by now that when your Daddy Dave cooks a
meal, he thinks he's preparing for the 5,000 who supped on five loaves and
two fishes. The Salvation Army's soup kitchen stays in business from the
leftovers when Dave prepares a dinner party."
"I don't know how to cook for just two people," Dave added. "We
never know who or how many of our boys are going to drop in at suppertime
and how hungry they are."
"Roger, I hope you bought that stock in ByeRyte Supermarket."
Walter joked. "Dave keeps that stock paying dividends every week from our
grocery bill."
Everyone laughed.
Johnny led the two youngsters over to their real dads. "You want to
wash their hands before we eat, or should I?" Johnny asked Ryan and Kyle.
"You do it, Johnny," Ryan said, "Maybe it's time you get used to
having kids around you."
"Good Lord!" Johnny screeched at Jeff. "You're pregnant and didn't
let me know?"
"Believe me, babe, if I get pregnant, you'll be the only one who
knows!" Jeff retorted.
David had made a pitcher of mango daiquiris and went around serving
them as Johnny took the kids to the bathroom to wash their faces and
hands. When he returned, Jeff handed him a drink for the toast.
David raised his glass, "Here's to family...our family. May we
always be as happy as we are now, no matter where we are!"
That was the second clue, which made Jeff more suspicious. "Heck,
all of them probably know and they planned this big bash for Johnny and
me." Jeff thought to himself. "No matter where we are...hmm."
The meal was wonderful. David was probably the best cook in
Briarwood. "Thank God, I didn't live here long after he and Dad met or I
would weigh five-hundred pounds by now," Jeff mused, again to himself. He
was so glad that his dad had found someone like David. They complemented
each other in every way. Never had either of them raised their voice in
anger. Jeff had never known of the least disagreement between his two
dads. Jeff's eyes turned to Father Cliff and Roger, who were the world's
most perfectly matched couple. Sure, there were many in the world that
would criticize the lot of them and damn their souls to hell, but those who
would condemn had never known the kind of love that filled this house.
"I only wish Alex and Ted were here," Walter said.
"Yes, and don't forget Rob and Timmy in New York," Cliff quickly
added.
"How are they?" David asked Cliff.
"They couldn't be happier. I talked with them just last week."
"What show are they doing now?" Johnny asked.
Roger reared back as a proud father and announced,"Well, it seems
that Broadway can't seem to find new music and lyrics for musicals. If
Stephen Sondheim ever stops writing, that will be the end of musical
theater as we know it. Everything is revivals! Revivals! The investors are
afraid to sink money into a show that hasn't already proved itself to be a
hit."
"So, they're doing a revival?" Johnny asked.
"Yes, and it sounds wonderful," Cliff said.
Roger jumped back in, almost mid-sentence, "The two of them are
producing a new version of Lerner and Loewe's, "Brigadoon". As you know,
the story is set in Scotland and Timmy got this idea of incorporating
dances, like those in "Riverdance" and making it into a authentic
dance/musical. Combining the two should make an enormous hit, box
office-wise."
"Oh how I love "Brigadoon", Walter said.
"What's it about?" Ryan asked.
"It's about two weary hunters who lost their way in the highlands
of Scotland." Cliff began. "They came upon a small town that wasn't on
their map. It was a strange, mystical village hidden beneath the mist and
between the mountains and vales. The town was filled with love. Everyone
loves everybody...almost too good to be true. There's only one thing. The
hamlet only appears for one day every hundred years. The protagonist,
Tommy, falls in love with Fiona, a daughter of Brigadoon. He falls in love
with the town as well. Jeff, Tommy's friend is not taken by the town at
first. So the plot becomes a struggle for Tommy, after he learns of the
town's secret, whether he wants to stay in Brigadoon with his newly found
love, or return to the hustle of New York. The show was one of Roger's and
my favorites. It has a tremendous score...songs like, "Almost Like Being In
Love, "The Heather on the Hill, and one song that's always been dear to me,
"There But For You, Go I. Tommy knows that he must leave everyone and
everything behind to find his happiness in a quaint little hidden village."
That was it! Jeff's suspicion became a reality. He looked long and
hard at Roger until he got Roger's attention.
"How did you find out, Uncle Roger?"
"Find out what?" Roger asked, with a twinkle in his eye. "You mean
about Brigadoon...or a little town called Mackintosh?"
Johnny almost choked on his food. He and Jeff had been so careful
in not letting anyone know until they were ready to tell.
"Mackintosh," Jeff said. "How did you know?"
"I've known Frank Madsen ever since the Institute opened. He came
dowm for a visit and told me all about his plans of making Mackintosh an
AIDS hamlet. I called him this morning to see if he needed some financial
assistance and he told me about the whole weekend with you and Johnny. Then
I called Walter and he and David arranged this little get-together this
evening. Cliff knows Frank too."
"But how do you know Frank?"
"Mini-me, I'm a priest just like yourself and I know how to keep
secrets too."
"But...?"
"A few weeks ago, a couple of the guys from Mackintosh came down to
celebrate mass at St. Genesius. They introduced themselves to me and Ed and
I had them over for lunch. They told us all about Mackintosh, its
residents, and so forth, and they happened to mention that their priest was
dying and they asked if I knew someone who might consider coming up to give
them the once-over. At first, I told them, 'no'. But, later that evening,
after talking it over with you-know-who. I prayed about it and in my
semi-sleep, I kept seeing your face, Jeff, The two of them left Frank's
phone number with me, just in case that I knew of an interested young
rector. I gave him your name on the condition that he never tell you that
it was I who had recommended you. That letter you received from Frank?
Well, actually, Roger and I already knew about it. We just sat back and let
God do whatever He wanted with you. When you returned from your so-called
wedding last week, I couldn't tell if you were considering it or
not. That's when Walter, Roger and I got together and suggested that you
and Johnny go away for a few days."
Roger took time out to drink a sip of water before he
continued. "Cliff and I discussed it after we talked with Frank this
morning. Walter and we all knew that it was a difficult decision for you
and Johnny to make. We also realized you wouldn't know how to tell us
without hurting or perhaps, disappointing us. Both of you always consider
other people's feelings more than your own.
"And this story about Rob and Timmy's revival of 'Brigadoon' was
all made up?"
"No! Not in the least! They're producing the show for real. It was
just ironic that Tommy's plight in Scotland was similar to yours and
Johnny's."
"Father, Uncle Roger, Dad, Daddy Dave,...I don't know what to say."
Jeff said. He was stunned and surprised by the tables being turned on him
and Johnny.
"You don't have to say anything...either of you." Walter said, "We
love you and want both of you to be happy. Jeff, words cannot express how
proud I am of you and what you've become. And Johnny, I couldn't love you
more if you had come out of the same womb as Jeff."
That's all it took for Johnny to break down into tears. He buried
his face in his cloth napkin.
"We, Johnny and I, were both afraid. We didn't know how to approach
the subject of our moving. I mean, there's St. Genesius and Johnny's work
at the clinic to consider."
Roger realized how painful this was for Jeff, so he thought he
would lighten the conversation a bit, "Oh? And you think we can't get along
without either of you? You think you're irreplaceable?" Jeff gave Roger a
startled look. "Well, let me tell both of you. You ARE irreplaceable in our
hearts and lives. No one can and will ever fill that void. But as far as
the church and the clinic are concerned, it'll be difficult, but with the
grace of God, we'll manage somehow."
Cliff added to Roger's proclamation, "Besides, who says you're
going for good? There'll always be a spot at St, Genesius for you. Hell, I
may retire in forty years and Chris might have sailed away to a South Sea
island with Ed. By that time you'll be sixty-four and ready to come back
and replace us. As for Johnny, Roger and I will make sure that there will
be a position for him at the clinic or at the Institute, if he should ever
want to return."
"Father Cliff...Uncle Roger...you're making this so easy for us."
Jeff was crying now.
"That's the way it should be, son. From what Cliff has told me,
yours and Johnny's life is not going to be easy up there. You're going to
be faced with challenges you've never had to face. Always know that I,
Roger, Cliff, or David are just a phone call away if you need any or all of
us.
"Also, don't forget to call Ed if you need some medical assistance
or advice," Roger said.
"Hey, bro, you are going to have a place for visitors when you
move, aren't you." Ryan asked.
"If not, we'll build one." Jeff said.
"Kyle and I might want to bring the boys and let them see New
England."
"The more the merrier!" Jeff replied. He noticed that Johnny still
had his face buried in the napkin.
"Johnny, are you all right?" Jeff asked. Johnny answered by shaking
his head, 'yes'. "Have you heard all of this?" Again, Johnny nodded his
head affirmatively. Well, have you got anything to say back to them?"
All eyes were on Johnny, who slowly wiped his eyes and face with
the napkin.
"I...I...don't know how I got so lucky. If I ever had any doubt
about being guided by a higher power...I rescind all of them. Call it God,
the Almighty, Fate, whatever,...some universal force guided me to
Briarwood. I met you, fell in love, and suddenly everything in the world
I'd ever dreamt of, came true. I had never known what love was before then
and as I look at all the faces around this table, no one or nothing could
ever love me more than I am, right at this moment."
"Daddy Ryan?", Little Pete asked, "Is Uncle Johnny crying?"
"Yes, son," Ryan replied.
"Is he sad?"
"No, son, he's happy. He's very, very happy, just like your Daddy
Kyle and I are."
"Uncle Roger," Jeff said, "about the money?"
"You need more?" Roger asked.
"Heavens no! I...Johnny and I...well, me, mostly...feel like we
should give it back. As you know it's been in a trust fund and I haven't
spent a penny of it."
"Then, damn it! Spend it! Spend ALL of it! What kind of person
would want to take back something he gave away to do God's work? Frank's
pride might stand in the way of letting me donate to Mackintosh, but that
doesn't mean you can't accept a donation which Frank insists on
refusing. After leaving the priesthood, a trip halfway around the world,
and a close call to dying, I've dedicated my life and the money my
grandfather left me to combating AIDS and other diseases. You'll soon have
five thousand AIDS and HIV victims to become your flock. They'll need all
that I've given you plus much more. All you have to do is give me a
call. It's yours for the asking! Of course, I expect you and Johnny to keep
a large sum for yourselves," Roger said.
"This is almost too wonderful to believe."
"Believe it, Jeff, and believe that I love you and Johnny more than
all the money I have."
A herd of elephants couldn't have held Jeff back from rushing to
Roger to give me a huge hug. Jeff's embrace meant more to Roger than any
endowment ever could. Roger held Jeff in his arms and felt as close to him
as Cliff always had felt toward Jeff. In essence, Jeff was the 'son' Roger
and Cliff had never had...more so than Ryan and Jay, and that was saying a
lot because of the love Roger felt for them.
After dessert, David began to gather all the dirty dishes. Johnny
was the first to offer to help him. Kyle and Ryan left almost immediately
in order to put Little Pete and Danny to bed on time. Cliff, Roger, Walter,
and Jeff went into the large den surrounded by huge panels of carved
ebony. The black wood made the room darker than Walter would have liked,
but he had let David pick out the colors and motif for the room and went
along with David's choice.
The four of them enjoyed a pony of Irish creme liqueur to settle
their big meal. Walter went over to the home theatre and selected a Mahler
Symphony to play on the CD. Mahler was Cliff and Roger's favorite
composer. As soon as the orchestra began to play the dulcet opening
strains, everyone in the room smiled in recognition that Walter had chosen
Gustav's Ninth.
No one said a word. The music was so soothing and serene. Jeff kept
eyeing Cliff and Roger as if to say, "You two pulled one over me this time,
didn't you?" Cliff and Roger almost simultaneously returned the unspoken
reply, "We surely did, 'little Father". Soon Johnny and David joined them
after they had placed the dinner dishes in the dishwasher. Jeff had a
million questions he would like to've asked, but since their moving debacle
had gone so smoothly, he decided that this was not the time or place. Jeff
patted on the sofa, inviting Johnny to join him. Jeff thought, 'If the
world's ever going to come to an end, I hope it's right now or another time
when the six of us are as happy as we are now'.
Earlier in the day, Cliff had contacted the Bishop and told him
about Jeff's decision. The two of them pulled a few strings to overcome all
the red tape involved with Jeff's change of Diocese. The Bishop contacted
his counterpart in New Hampshire and within four hours. Everything had been
arranged for Jeff's transfer to go through without a hitch so that Jeff
could begin his new ministry in four weeks.
When the last movement of the symphony had completed, Walter stood
up and said, "If you'll excuse me, I want to call Alex. He should know
about this...that is, unless you want to call him yourself, Jeff?"
"No, Dad, call him and I'll talk to him after you've finished."
Walter nodded and went from the den into his study, where there was more
light. The decor of the study had been chosen by him...white wood panels.
Jeff let his father talk privately for about ten minutes and then
he joined his dad at his desk.
"Oh, here comes your brother, he wants to talk to you. Ask him
about any details I might have left out." Walter said over the phone. He
handed the receiver to Jeff.
"Hi, bro." Jeff said. "How are things?"
"Everything's fine here," Alex replied. "Sounds like all the
excitement is in Briarwood."
"Yep, there's kind of electricity in the air here at Dad's. How's
Ted?"
"You tell me."
"What's going on? You two having troubles?"
"No, it's just that I never see him anymore. He jumps from sport to
sport. As soon as one season ends, another takes over, except for
basketball. They seem to play goddamned basketball twelve months a year. I
swear Jeff, I never saw one sport have so many playoffs. Then the playoffs
have playoffs. One night Ted's in New York, the next, Miami, then Denver,
Calgary, St. Louis, Portland, on and on."
"When's the last time he was at home?"
"Which year?"
"Fuck, I thought everything was going great for you guys."
"That was in the beginning, before he became Mr. Sportscaster USA."
"Why don't you take off and go with Ted, Alex?"
"I can't leave my work. I'm just as busy, if not busier at the
Center as I was when I lived in Briarwood. You ought to know. I mean, your
Johnny took my place at Cole Center."
"I know and you and he are so much alike. Maybe that's why I love
him so. He reminds me so much of you."
"How in the world did you convince him to leave that insane asylum
and move with you to Vermont?"
"New Hampshire."
"Wherever. How did you do it?"
"Oh he's jumping from the frying pan into the skillet. He wants to
open up a place in Mackintosh for the residents there."
"Shit! I'd probably do the same thing."
"I know you would." Jeff said. "Between the two of us, you were
always the responsible one. I was flighty. stubborn, and always had to get
my own way."
"So you finally realized that yourself?" Alex kidded. "I tried to
tell you that for seventeen years," Jeff added. "Are you and Johnny still
happy together?"
"Completely!"
"No cheating or tricking on the side...either of you?"
"None whatsoever." Jeff stated proudly. "Don't tell me that you and
Ted have been stepping out on one another?"
"A couple of times, maybe."
"Damn! This is more serious than I thought!" Jeff exclaimed. "Who
cheated? You or Ted?"
"I'm guilty as charged."
"And Ted?"
"I don't know for sure, but hell, you've know Ted as long as I. You
know what an insatiable sexual appetite he's always had. When he's on the
road, I'm sure he's getting his jollies from somebody. God knows, he's not
home enough for me to satisfy his pate."
"I'm sorry, bro." Jeff said somberly.
"YOU'RE sorry? How do you think I feel? That big king-sized bed is
so lonely at night. It's like sleeping in a mausoleum surrounded by corpses
and mummies!"
"You know, Alex, if I were there or if you were here, I'd hold you
like I used to."
"I remember those nights. I remember all the nights I held YOU
until you went to sleep in my arms...right after Mom died."
"Those were sad but wonderful times, Alex."
"I miss 'em, Jeff."
"I think about them often when I think about you. Have I ever
apologized for the tough times I put you through?"
"No, but it's too late for that now."
"Did I ever tell you I love you?"
"A couple of times...when we were experimenting in the bed."
"Yeah, but those were words brought on by orgasms!" Jeff waited for
Alex's response but Alex remained silent. "Did I ever tell you after that,
that I love you? You were the best big brother I could ever want to have."
"You mean in between times when I was trying to commit suicide?"
"Maybe that's when I should've told you."
"Hey! Is Dad still there?" Alex said, changing the subject.
"No, he went back into the den."
"Well, if he's not within hearing distance, would you tell me how
he and David are getting along?"
"Like two lovebirds...two 'grandpa' lovebirds."
"Thank God for that! I'm glad they're happy. And all the rest? Jay
and Troy? Kyle and Ryan? I guess you don't know much about Timmy and Rob."
"They're all perfect as Wyeth pictures, especially, Kyle and
Ryan. Those two kids brought them even closer than they were before the
adoption, if that's possible."
"So, everyone's happy except me...and Ted?"
"So to speak."
"Alex, are you homesick?"
"Kinda."
"Why don't you come back for a visit, whether Ted comes or not."
"Sometimes I think I would like to."
"Listen, I should be settled in Macintosh in a couple of
months. Why don't you come and visit me and Johnny?"
"Sounds tempting."
"Come on!"
"That's all I need...to come visit you and find a new boyfriend
with HIV."
"There's nothing wrong with that, if that's what you want. Lots of
guys here at St. Genesius are negative with positive lovers. You know
that. You've been in the business long enough to know anything's possible,
just as long as you keep the loving safe."
"God, you've got my head spinning like you used to."
"I'm not talking with you to create more problems. I just hate
hearing you sound so depressed and lonely."
"Hey! Hey! I'm not suicidal, Jeff, if that's what you're getting
at...at least not yet!"
"Will you just shut up and consider my invitation?"
"What if I came for a visit and Johnny and I hit it off?"
"No need to worry about suicide because I'll kill both of you!"
They laughed as they used to.
"God, it's so great talking to you, Jeff."
"Alex, I was just kidding about you and Johnny."
"I know that."
"Hell, if it would make you happy, I'd loan him out to you for a
night or two."
"Johnny might have something to say about that."
"I think you'd find the whole thing narcissistic. You two are so
similar, it'd be like falling in love with yourself."
"You idiot!" Alex retorted. "But, come to think of it, when Dad
sent me the pictures of yours and Johnny's commitment ceremony, I thought
Johnny DID look a lot like me."
"The spitting image."
They both heard a buzz coming from Alex's phone.
"Hold on a sec!" Alex said, while he answered his other phone
line. He was away for about three minutes before he returned to talk with
Jeff.
"Hey, bro, I gotta hot one on the other line. This guy just shot
his lover and now he's got the gun placed at his head,"
"GO!" Jeff hollered. "I'll talk with you soon and we'll make
plans."
Alex hung up his phone without saying goodbye to his brother. Jeff
understood all too well. Johnny had taken suicide calls at all hours of the
day and night. Jeff knew that Alex was as committed to his duties as Johnny
was. Jeff held the receiver in his hand a long time. He kissed it before he
replaced it back on the cradle. "Good night, bro. I love you," Jeff
whispered.
<><><><><><>
In some ways, Chris was anxious to see Andy for the first time in
eight years. Andy was just a kid of sixteen when he and Chris had their
one-night affair, thus creating a scandal in the church in Atlanta and
almost causing Chris to be fired. For the sake of all concerned, Chris had
resigned his position as assistant rector of the Georgian church and had
opted to write a goodbye letter to Andy rather than experiencing an 'in
person' farewell. Chris didn't know how Andy had found him in Briarwood or
what had transpired in Andy's life from mid-adolescence to young
manhood...and suddenly Andy calls Chris from out of the blue. Chris'
eagerness to meet up with Andy was equalized with dread and fear as he
couldn't imagine why Andy had contacted him after such a long time apart.
Rather than risk an unpleasant scene at St. Genesius, Chris gave
Andy directions to Briarwood's one and only, Starbuck's, where Andy was
waiting by the time Chris arrived. Andy the kid was no longer a kid. His
scrawny frame had filled out into solid muscular flesh. Andy's eyes still
had that forlorn look but the rest of his face was older and more handsome
as his childlike features had disappeared. Chris rushed to Andy outside
Starbuck's door and gave him a big hug.
"Hiya, Father Chris!"
"My God, you've grown! I hardly recognized you."
"Please accept this as a compliment, Father, but you looked exactly
the same...not one day older."
"I guess that says something about living a quiet life in a small
town like Briarwood."
"This place is beautiful. I had to look hard to find it on the
map."
"When I left Atlanta on my way to God-knows-where, I got as far as
Briarwood, fell in love with what I saw and never went any further."
"Your church is Anglican, isn't it?"
"Yes."
"But you were a Roman Catholic priest."
"That's before I met the power of persuasion of my boss, Father
Cliff."
"You said you had a partner now, is it Father Cliff?"
"Oh, no. Father Cliff is so involved with his partner only God
himself could separate those two. My...my partner is a doctor."
"So you...'married' into big money, huh?"
"No, actually I didn't. Ed, my better half, does have money, but it
was his work and dedication to it that first attracted me to him. Second it
was his personality and the way we fell in love that caused me to make the
decision to become committed to him.
"You married him?"
"Yes, Father Cliff performed the commitment ceremony at a mass at
St. Genesius with all our friends present. Have you heard of the Cole
Institute for AIDS?"
"Who hasn't?"
"Well, Father Cliff's partner is Roger Cole...the founder of the
Institute. Father Cliff even had his surname changed legally to Roger's. So
now Cliff is Father Cliff Cole...but anyway, Roger owns the Institute and
oversees all the financial end of the project and my Ed is administrator of
Cole Institute."
"Good grief...you didn't marry into money as much as you did fame
and reputation."
"Why don't we go inside and have a latte or something so that we
can sit and talk."
"Great!"
The two old friends went inside, ordered two fancy coffees and sat
down at a table far away from the counter, as private as possible.
"I still can't get over how well you look and what a fine young man
you grew up to be," Chris said as he sipped his coffee.
"I suppose a thousand questions are popping in your head right now,
Father."
"A few..."
"You're wondering why I called. Perhaps you're wondering if I ever
forgave you for leaving me so suddenly just when I thought our relationship
was about to begin...not end."
"I guess I SHOULD apologize for that, Andy."
"I was hurt at first. Then I waited for you to write or call
me...maybe even come and get me and take me wherever you were...but weeks
turned into months without hearing a word. The months rolled into years and
soon I REALLY wanted you to contact me just so I could tell you how much I
hated your guts. Sometimes the rage boiled inside me so much I could have
murdered you and gone to prison for the rest of my life just to get the
satisfaction of seeing you get the comeuppance you deserved."
"You hated me that much?"
"That much and more!"
"And now...?"
"I'll get to that later."
"Did you finish high school and go to college?"
"Neither! I couldn't stand being around my folks any longer with my
mother saying, 'Uh huh, I told you so...'. So just like you, I ran away in
the middle of the night."
"Where did you go?"
"All over...first, New Orleans, then Fort Worth, Los Angeles, San
Francisco, Chicago, New York, Washington, D.C., and finally back to Atlanta
from where I called you the other night."
"Damn! You certainly saw lots of the country. Did you work? What
did you do?"
"It's strange, but the younger you are, the more money you can make
sucking dicks! When I was in Los Angeles, I was working for three different
guys who booked me at parties in Bel Air and Hollywood. You'd be amazed at
some of the famous dicks I sucked...movie stars, rock stars, television
celebrities...they all wanted a kid and that kid was me! By the time I
moved to San Francisco, I had fifty-thousand dollars saved. I bought myself
a secondhand Porsche, new clothes, had my hair styled, and was living the
gay high life."
Chris didn't know what to say or how to react. Was he the cause of
Andy's degradation? If he had stayed in Atlanta, would any of these things
happened. Chris tried not to looked shocked or appear that he
disapproved. For the first time in his life, Chris understood what having a
'poker face' meant.
Andy continued, "But soon I was twenty, then twenty-one, and the
novelty of my youth wore out. Kids younger than I were in demand. I
couldn't ask for big bucks I was getting just a couple of years before. I
thought the best thing to do was become an agent or a pimp like the ones I
had in L.A. and skim money off the top of young cocksuckers as I was once."
"I know it's absolutely none of my business, Andy, but I pray to
God, you were safe during those years. I mean, you DID practice safe sex,
didn't you?"
"You wanna know if I got AIDS?"
"Do you?"
"Bigger'n hell!"
"My God, are you seeing a doctor? Are you on medication?"
"Hell, no! I'm sure you've heard of people with a death wish. We
used to see lots of them on our meal runs in Atlanta. Well, I've got a BIG
death wish and the sooner I die, the better off I and everyone else will
be!"
"Andy, you can't mean that!"
"Oh yes I can. That's why I wanted to see you one last time. I
wanted you to see what became of me after you didn't call or write."
"Andy, please! You can't blame me for your illness."
"Like fuck, I can't. We were in love and were going to spend our
lives together, remember?"
"Honestly, Andy, I don't recall either of us making such a
promise."
"I guess I made the whole fucking thing up in my head. They say
that toward the end, AIDS can fuck your mind up!"
"Andy, you know I can get you help! You know with the advanced AIDS
procedures and meds at Cole Institute, we can arrest AIDS now and you can
lead a normal life."
"Ha! That's a fucking joke. I've never led a normal life, so you
think a bunch of your fancy pills will make me lead one?"
"Perhaps 'normal' was not the correct word. But you can get better
and more than likely, well."
"Oh, goody! Goody! I can start all over again being a twenty-four
year old cocksucker who's not much in demand."
"Andy? Would you grant me one favor?"
"WHY?"
"Let's say, would you allow me to do YOU a favor?"
"Again...WHY?"
"I guess I owe you one."
"What do you want?"
"I want you to allow Ed to examine you and run some blood tests to
see how sick you really are...and find out what the Institute can do for
you!"
"I got no insurance and I'm all but broke. I couldn't afford an
aspirin at Cole Institute."
"There will be no charge...none at all...for any tests or
medication. What have you got to lose?"
"Since I've already lost everything, there's nothing more to lose."
"Then, you'll do it?"
"Are you sure it's not gonna cost me anything?"
"I swear it."
"Besides, I might get a couple of free meals and a place to stay
for a couple of nights."
"You can stay there as long as Ed thinks necessary."
"I'd like to meet Ed and show him who you almost fell in love with
before you met him."
"I think Ed would love to meet you. I've often told him about the
way you used to help me with the meals."
"I'll bet you didn't tell him that you and I had sex. did you?"
"Yes, I did. He knows all about it and why I quit the church in
Atlanta and how I found Briarwood."
"He...Ed...he won't hold a grudge against me, will he?"
"Once you meet him, you'll know why he won't!"
"Who knows, he might get to like me as much as you did..."
"Who knows?"
"All right, where do I have to go and what to I have to do?"
"Are you parked in the parking lot?"
"Yep!"
"Just follow my car. We can be at Cole in about ten minutes."
"Hey, Father! You ARE picking up the check for the coffee, aren't
you?"
"I paid for it at the counter, Andy."
"I was just wondering..."
Andy followed Chris to the Institute. Chris was filled with
anguished guilt and yet a sigh of relief as he thought Andy might have come
to Briarwood to blackmail him for being just one more statistic of a priest
going to bed with a minor.
<><><><><><><><><><>
Four weeks had passed since Jeff and Johnny's decision to leave
Briarwood. They didn't know how they found time to pack their junk and
ricrac because of all the goodbyes. In three weeks time, there had been
twenty-two going away parties for the two of them. One Friday, there was
four in one night. They went from party to party, sometimes eyeing one
another as if to say, "Is it worth it or should we just forget about
leaving?" They had so many friends and all of them wanted to do something
so that they would be remembered 'specially' by the departing couple.
Jeff believed it was more difficult to say goodbye to Father Cliff
and Roger than his own father. It was two days before Jeff and Johnny were
scheduled to leave. Johnny had packed the last few things remaining in his
office at St. Genesius. He went down the hall to Cliff's office and entered
without knocking, as he had so many times over the past few years for their
afternoon chats.
Cliff was at his desk jotting notes and verses for his next
sermon. He wore a pair of glasses that he placed far down on the bridge of
his nose. Jeff took a hard look at his mentor. Shoot! Even with glasses,
he's handsome. Jeff remembered at one time, he had masturbated while
envisioning sex with Cliff. That was before Johnny, but an attraction still
lurked from the shepherd.
"Father Cliff?" Jeff said as he entered.
"Hi, Father Jeff." Cliff replied.
"That doesn't seem quite right to me. I may have the title of
'Father', but to you, I always want to be 'Jeff'."
"You've become pious at the ripe old age of twenty-four?"
"Well, to some I may be "Father", but I don't feel right when you
call me that."
"We've been through a lot together, haven't we, boy?"
"A couple of lifetimes maybe," Jeff said, smiling.
"Roger and I are so proud of you."
"I hope so."
"We've watched a little caterpillar turn into a beautiful
butterfly, Jeff."
"Oh, nah. Maybe a moth!"
"Excited about leaving?"
"Yes and no. I wanted to come by and discuss a couple of things
with you, privately."
"I'm glad you did."
"First of all, I still don't feel right about taking Roger's
money."
"You heard what Roger said. That's your money, Jeff...yours and
Johnny's...to do with as you see fit."
"Is just that..."
"I know, you think you want to make a ten million dollar donation
to St. Genesius because you feel that's what Roger wants you to do."
"Well,...yes."
"I appreciate your gesture, little man, but ten million dollars is
not a drop in a bucket compared with the endowment Roger has given to the
church. We'd hardly notice it."
"But..."
"NO 'BUTS'! Roger sees in you what I see. He wants you to have the
money to go out and do things that he's done."
"All right, I'll believe you."
"So what else is bothering you?"
"I...it's just...Father! I can't leave here thinking that you
called Frank because you wanted to get rid of me."
Cliff laughed but the laughter subsided when he saw that Jeff was
serious in his statement.
"Get rid of you? Jeff, Jeff, my little Jeff, do you really believe
that?"
Jeff couldn't speak. He was choking back tears, which were already
streaking his cheeks. He answered with one small nod.
Cliff arose from his desk and went to Jeff, embracing him. Cliff
pulled Jeff's head to his chest so that his chin rested on top of Jeff's
head.
"Jeff, you're the son Roger and I will never have. Roger feels the
same way about you. Even if you go all the way to India and be the Dalai
Lama's assistant, neither of us would or could rid ourselves of you. You're
inside us both. You've become a part of us...a part that will stay as long
as we live. All you boys...OUR boys...Roger's and mine...have a special
place in our hearts. Jay, Troy, Kyle, Ryan, Timmy, Rob...and most recently,
Chris and Ed. We love all of them, but that little place in the deepest
part of our hearts will always be filled with Jeff."
Jeff clutched Cliff's robe and drew himself tighter to Cliff's
body.
"I love you, Father Cliff," Jeff whispered through his tears.
"I know and I love you too, little one."
Time stood still. Neither of them knew exactly how long they held
each other. Cliff took the knuckle of his forefinger and put it under
Jeff's chin so that their eyes would look into one another's.
"Feel better?" Cliff whispered.
Jeff nodded.
"Is there anything else bothering you?"
"Mmm hmm."
"What?"
"That night when Johnny and I returned from Mackintosh and we were
all at Dad's."
"Yes?"
"You said that if I ever wanted to, I could come back...here to
St. Genesius. Did you mean it?"
"Absolutely. Jeff, I would give up my pulpit and give it to you if
you ever wanted it!"
"No, I wouldn't want that. I wouldn't want to be here without you."
"I want you to, though. I want you to go to Mackintosh or wherever
you're guided and turn the world around. You're gay. I'm gay. There are
millions of us out there that thinks the church no longer wants
them. They'll shape your ministry and help you find your destiny."
"I'm scared, Father."
"Jeff, when I first met you and you were just a step away of
becoming a juvenile delinquent. You weren't afraid of God Almighty. So I
know you'll overcome any fear you might feel temporarily."
"I hope so."
"I know so." Cliff said, giving Jeff a big hug. "Hey, have you got
time to watch part of a video?"
"Sure. Got some new porn, huh?" Jeff joked.
"No, it's part of a movie that I know you've seen a hundred times,
but this time I think the scene will mean more to you."
Cliff released Jeff and went to his bookcase and withdrew a DVD. He
put it into the video machine and clicked to chapter 18. The movie was "The
Wiz", starring Diana Ross and Michael Jackson. Cliff turned out the lights
and Lena Horn, dressed as Glenda the Good, appeared. She sang:
"If you believe within your heart, you'll know
that no one can change the path that you must go.
Believe what you feel and you'll know you're right
because the time will come around when you'll say it's yours.
Believe that you can come home.
Believe that you can walk on air.
Just click your heels three times, if you believe,
then you'll be there.
That's why I want you to believe in yourself,
right from the start.
Believe in the magic right there in your heart.
Believe all these things not because I told you to.
Believe in yourself as I believe in you."
Cliff stopped the video. He was standing behind Jeff and spoke,
"You remember, now is when the Wiz asks if Dorothy can do something
for him. Do you remember what Dorothy says to him?"
"Yes, Father," Jeff replied, quietly, "She told him, 'I don't know
what's inside you, but you'll never find it in the safety of this room. I
tried all my life. It doesn't work'."
"That's right, Jeff, and then she says, `There's a whole world out
there and you'll have to begin by letting people see who you really are'.
That's what I'm trying to tell you, Jeff."
Neither of them moved. The mood between them was austere, almost
holy. They stayed there silently for a long while to let the message sink
into Jeff. Jeff finally smiled, stood up and walked to the door. He turned
to give his teacher one last look.
"Just click my heels three times?"
"Yes."
"Goodbye and thanks, Father."
"Goodbye, my little Jeff. You'll always be in my heart and
prayers."
"You, too." Jeff managed to say before he exited.
Cliff smiled and slowly wiped a tiny tear from his cheek.
<><><><><>
The following Sunday, Father Jeff Clayton assumed the duties of
St. Aloysius in Mackintosh, New Hampshire.
At the eleven o'clock service when Jeff was to give his first
sermon as the new pastor. He was nervous as hell. He stood outside the
entrance of the church for its very first processional. Frank had trained
sixteen residents to act as acolytes, censors, cross bearers, etc. the full
regalia. Jeff was the last one to enter as the processional reached from
the front of the church to the back. Jeff approached the altar and in a
trembling, but rather loud voice, he chanted, "The Lord be with you." The
assembly responded with "And with thy spirit." Jeff turned around to face
his congregation and to bless them with the sign of the cross. A familiar
face from the second pew on the left caught his eye. He saw Johnny, who
winked at him. Jeff gasped as he looked down the pew. Sitting next to
Johnny was Roger, Walter, David, Troy, Jay, Kyle, Ryan, and wait! In his
haste, Jeff had overlooked the person sitting between Johnny and Walter. It
was his brother, Alex, beaming like a lighthouse in the night fog. Alex
was crying unashamedly. Jeff looked up to give a look to the heavens while
he thanked the Almighty. He was home.
<><><><><><><>
(To be continued in "Briarwood"----BOOK FIVE--"FATHER
JEFF"-chapter-forty-six.)