Date: Thu, 11 Aug 2005 01:00:34 EDT
From: RitchChristopher@cs.com
Subject: briarwood:the-clayton-clan-14

All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or
are offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language,
please exit now.

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                                  "BRIARWOOD"

                          aka "Whence Cometh My Help"

                                     R.S.V.


                                A dramatic saga

                                      by

			        Ritch Christopher

                             literary enhancement by

                                  Les Martin

                                  <><><><><>

                                   BOOK TWO

                               "The Clayton Clan"

                                Chapter Fourteen


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	Later that Wednesday night when Walter Clayton came home from work,
Jeff was still at wrestling practice. Alex had made Hungarian goulash for
supper and his dad came into the kitchen where Alex was stirring a pot and
gave him a hug and a peck on the cheek.

	"What kind of day did you have today, son?"

	"Pretty good. I rested and laid around all day, trying to find
something on TV that wasn't a soap opera or a talk show. I didn't realize
how difficult that could be."

	"Everyone needs some form of media to tell their troubles and woes
to, these days."

	"How was work?"

	"Same old, same old...except for a call I received from Bill
Bartolli."

	"My principal?"

	"Yeah,"

	"What did he want by calling you at work?...checking up on me?...to
see if I was actually home all day?...I swear I was, Dad!"

	"I believe you...No, he had gotten a whiff of what happened on
Monday...the overdose..."

	"But how? I thought the hospital records were confidential!"

	"As a rule they are...but sometimes things have a way of leaking
out. Miss Teasdale, the school secretary has a sister who works as a nurse
in the hospital, doesn't she?"

	"I'm not sure, Dad."

	"I think she does...and if so...then we know the snitch."

	"What did Mr. Bartolli have to say, Dad?"

	"He wanted to know if you were mentally well enough to come back to
school and be around other students."

	"That's bullshit, Dad. I'm not crazy...is that what he thinks?"

	"He said he had to be concerned about the welfare of the rest of
the student body."

	"Well, what does he want me to do?"

	"He wants a statement from the psychiatrist, Dr. Hughes, saying
that you're safe to be around other students."

	"Dad, it's not like I used a weapon or anything...I took
pills...pills! Does Mr. Bartolli think I'm gonna try to overdose the whole
school by pouring a bottle of Darvocet in the water supply?"

	"Alex, you know all about drama kings. How they like a big to-do
over nothing...I DID call Dr. Hughes..."

	"And...?"

	"He can see you tomorrow afternoon at the hospital. He's holding a
group there and he thought it might be beneficial for you if you attended."

	"What kind of group?....A bunch of nuts?"

	"No, I don't think Dr. Hughes would subject you to that. It's
probably just a bunch of teens who need to talk and don't have access to
the daily soaps and talk shows you were fussing about,"

	"So I'm going to a teen Jerry Springer show?"

	"Just remember to wear a raincoat and don't sit on the front row."

	"Yeah, and watch out for flying chairs," Alex kidded back.

	"Who knows, Alex?--it might be fun. You might see someone there you
could be of some help to."

	"Dad, somehow I don't believe that...but if you want me to, I'll
go."

	"Good...I thought you would. Anything to make Mr. Bartolli rest
easier and not put any pressure on you."

	"Should I pack a bag with no belts and shoes with no laces? Or
should I just go naked."

	"Not naked, please, I don't want you to start a riot at the
hospital. All the girls would swoon and faint and all the guys would kill
themselves envying your body!"

	"And the doctors and nurses!"

	"They would probably chloroform you and call in a taxidermist to
stuff you and put you on display in the lobby as the 'perfect son'."

	"Thanks, Dad. I'm far from perfect...but I should be...having you
for a father...I do love you, you know that, don't you, Dad?...and so does
Jeff."

	"The feeling is mutual on both counts...Alex, just go to the group
and behave naturally. Have a good time. Relax and think that in two days
this will all be over and you'll be up at the lake catching a two-foot long
Rainbow trout,"

	"OK...Now, are you ready to try some of this goulash I concocted
this afternoon?"

	"If it's your mom's recipe, it'll be great!"

	The door swung open and slammed.

	"Hey, guys, I'm home!" It was Jeff.

	"Go wash your hands and come eat some of this stuff I cooked before
it gets cold."

	"Yes, Mother."

	Alex swatted Jeff's left buttock with a potholder.

	Later that evening, dinner was finished, the dishes, pots and pans
all washed and dried.  The three Claytons sat on the sofa watching "Law and
Order". The story line was about a kid who was murdered by his father and
the father tried to make it look as if his son had committed suicide. That
was a perfect way to brighten up Alex's evening. The show ended and the
jury voted to let the father get away with his crime. One never can
outguess the jury on that show. Ten years ago, the father would have been
executed, but nowadays, the dad will more than likely get a gig on a music
video on MTV, dancing and singing something like, 'He was my son, but he
done me wrong. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Oh Baby'.

	Then it was 11:00 and Walter was the first to head for bed.

	"Alex, your doctor is expecting you at two o'clock tomorrow for
your checkup, do you need a ride?"

	"Don't worry, Dad, it's at the hospital and I'll get down there."

	"Jeff, are you going to sleep in your own bed tonight?"

	"No, Dad, I thought maybe I'd better sleep with Alex in case he got
sick or somethin'."

	"Is that all right with you, Alex?"

	"Sure."

	"Well, if he gets unruly, just kick him out."

	"Don't worry, I've had plenty of practice kicking my brother. He
seems to like being kicked. Think we oughta make him see a psychiatrist?"

	"Yeah, why don't you look in the Yellow Pages tomorrow and see if
you can find one for terminal insanity?"

	"I'm afraid he's just too far gone. Looks like a classic case for
euthanasia."

	"Well, at least it will be quieter around here. Good night, my
little cherubs."

	"Night, Dad."

	"Night." Walter went into his bedroom and closed his door.

	Jeff stretched and faked a yawn. "I am so tired, Alex, you ready to
hit the hay?"

	"Nah, I'm not going to school tomorrow so I think I'll sit up and
watch Letterman and Conan and whatever comes on after that."

	"You, asshole, I want you to come to bed now!"

	"Why, little brother?"

	"You know damned well why!! All day I've been thinking about last
night and I want to do it again and see what else we can do."

	"Why, Jeff, you're turning into a regular little pervert!"

	"You taught me everything I know."

	"So I did, but I think you've graduated---you already know
everything I know to teach."

	"Oh, no, you're not gonna cop out on me that easily. Let's go to
bed."

	"You go on and I'll be there in a minute."

	Alex smiled at Jeff and began turning off the lights, the TV, and
checking the door locks. By the time Alex entered his bedroom, Jeff was
sitting in the middle of the bed totally nude.

	"Come on, come on...we're wasting time!"

	"Jeff, if you're gonna sleep with me tonight, you'd better put your
Jockey's back on."

	"Why?"

	"Because what we did last night is not going to become a habit or a
nightly routine."

	"Why? Didn't you enjoy it?"

	"You know I did, but looking at it objectively and not
subjectively, homosexuality is bad enough. Adding incest makes it even
worse!"

	"Incest? You mean like two cousins marrying?"

	"That's one example...and if they have kids, they're supposed to be
born idiots. Us having brother-to-brother sex is idiotic in itself!"

	"Yeah, but what about that saying, 'If it feels good, do it'?"

	"Jeff, it'll feel just as good in your bedroom by yourself as it
will in here with me. Besides, you now know as much as I do about sex."

	"It's a good thing the whole world doesn't look at it the way you
do.  There'd be no new children born if a husband and wife slept in
separate rooms, having sex by themselves!" Then another idea hit Jeff's
eager mind. "Hey! Do girls do it too? I mean...well, they can't jerk
themselves off?"

	"Why don't you answer that one yourself? I've already told you that
you know everything that I do."

	"But..."

	"OK, I suppose girls get off the same as guys but in another
way. Don't ask me how, but I guess they must use some penis-shaped object
to put inside themselves."

	"You mean like a broom handle or a banana?"

	"An unpeeled banana. Bananas are flimsy. They would probably break
off in the process."

	"How far do you think a broom handle will go inside a girl?"

	"No further than the largest penis will, I suppose..."

	"How large is 'large'?"

	"I...I told you I've seen pictures of men and women together and
some of the men are pretty long."

	"How long?"

	"Oh, maybe a foot!"

	"Good lord! A foot long? It would take two hands just to pee."

	"I don't think it's quite that long when it's not erected."

	"Nine inches? Ten?"

	"Jeff, I don't know! Gee whiz! I've told you I'm no expert!"

	"You think Dad would know? I mean, he's a lawyer and lawyers are
supposed to know everything!"

	"Then I guess Dad would know then! Why don't you ask him?"

	"Yeah, I can see myself at the breakfast table asking, 'Hey Dad!
How deep is a pussy?'."

	"Yeah, I'd like to see you ask him that myself. Then I'd love to
see Dad answer you. He'd say, 'Why, Jeff'?' and you would come back with
some answer like, 'Well, inquiring minds want to know'! That ought to get
tomorrow morning off to a good start!"

	"OK, so I won't!"

	"No, go ahead! I'd love to see what happens!" Alex laughed.

	"Alex?"

	"Now what?"

	"If I put on my briefs, can I sleep with you?"

	"On several conditions...first, you stay on your side of the
bed...second, you keep your hands to yourself, and last, no sex of any
kind...not with me or by yourself. Now if you still want to sleep with me,
those are the rules."

	"Alex, sometimes you're like a bad Santa Claus?"

	"What do you mean?"

	"A 'bad Santa' is one who brings a kid toys on Christmas Eve when
the kid's sleeping and then he comes back the next night and takes all the
toys back to the North Pole."

	"What's your point?"

	"Last night, you gave me the best present of my life...masturbating
with you. And tonight, you won't let me play with my present."

	"Jeff, sex is not a present."

	"Maybe not, but I have your...your body fluid inside me and you
have mine. That was a present and a very special one..."

	"Then if we both have each other in our bloodstream, there's no
reason to add more to it! It won't make us any closer than we are now."

	"Yeah, but...it was more than just body fluids, I...I had a brand
new feeling about you. Sure, we're brothers and we get along like brothers,
but I...I kinda feel like I love you now more than I ever have."

	"You know what, squirt?" Alex said, taking his hand and tousling
Jeff's hair. "I...I kinda feel the same way."

	"So...so I won't feel that way if I go to my room to do it by
myself."

	"Jesus! You're becoming more like Dad, the lawyer, every
day. You...you have a way of driving a hard bargain to get your own way."

	"But I'm right, aren't I?"

	"All right, Judge Judy! Leave your briefs off, turn out the lights,
hop back into my bed, and we'll see what we can do to get you to go to
sleep."

	Alex wondered how he would play this scene tomorrow night? He knew
this couldn't or shouldn't happen every night...but then, it did feel good,
being close to Jeff. He hoped that Dr, Hughes wouldn't ask too many
personal questions at the two o'clock group session. If he did, Alex would
sprain his brain trying to think up lies.


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	The small assembly room at Kimbrough Hospital had twelve metal
folding chairs in a circle. They were all filled but one. It was 2:05 PM
and Dr. Raymond Hughes had not joined the group yet. There were four girls
and seven boys, including Alex. They were all about the same age...mid to
upper teens. The twelfth chair was taken when the doctor entered the
circle. He began...

	"All right, let's go around the room and tell each other our
names...first name only, please."

	Helen, a blonde wearing tight pants and a blouse she had tied in
the middle to bare her midsection, was the first to reveal her name.

	She was followed by a black girl in a short red dress. Her hair
done up in white beads like Venus Williams. She said her name was
Cassandra.

	Then there was Bill, an overweight guy who could just barely get
his jeans to button...and Dave, an older teen with bad acne scars on each
of his cheeks. Sitting next to him was Virgil, a skinny kid that looked
like he had plucked his eyebrows and was wearing just a trace of mascara
and lipstick. He spoke with a lispy, sibilant 's'.

	A few feet away was Kyle...someone right out of a GQ magazine. He
was dressed immaculately. Deeply tanned with raven hair, one lock bouncing
on his forehead, he was good-looking to say the least. His masculine torso
made him look as it he could jump into a nearby telephone booth and
reappear wearing blue tights and a red cape. Virgil couldn't keep from
staring at Kyle's handsomeness. The next one to speak was Henry or
'Hank'. He looked older because he was prematurely bald. He would weigh
about 280 pounds but he wasn't fat...just solid muscle...the kind Jeff
would pay money to see at the WWF.

	Josh was next. He was the bookworm type...skinny, frail, hair
uncombed, wearing round black-rimmed glasses. Sharon looked like a plain
Jane. Her hair reflected a style of about three years ago...brown and
frizzy. She was wearing a print dress made from a cotton fabric that could
easily been mistaken for curtains in a lower housing development.  She wore
no make-up at all.

	Kate looked more like a man than a girl...man's haircut...nose
ring...tight Levi's, checkered cowboy shirt, and motorcycle boots. She was
sitting next to Alex and he would swear Kate was wearing Brut
aftershave...and then, there was Alex.

	The eleven invited 'guests' looked around at each other. Alex kept
wondering what was the common bond or thread that Dr. Hughes had chosen to
bring them all together.

	Dr. Hughes continued. "Now we all know each other's names. Some of
you are new to this group. Other's are...shall we say...old friends? The
only thing I'm going to say about you is that each and every one of you has
tried or has thought about trying to end your own life, so you all have
that in common. I would like each of you, when you feel like it, to jump
into the conversation and tell us as much as you like about why you came to
feel that way. What were the circumstances which led up the event? Were
there any outside factors contributing to your death wish? Whatever you
want to share with the group might help you to understand your own
situation a little better." The doctor paused and there was total
silence. "All right, who wants to begin?"

	As they sat there, silently letting their gazes pass on from one
face to that of the next person, Bill finally broke the ice self-conciously
clearing his throat to speak.

	"I'll go first. My name is Bill and I think you all can take one
look at me and know what my problem is...I'm fat! I've always been fat. I
was born fat and the doctors say I'll probably die fat, It's not that I eat
a lot. I don't. I just can't lose weight. I've tried every diet and drunk
every can of drink you can name to take off pounds but nothing works. My
two brothers are both slim and so are my parents, so it's not genetics! I'm
the fat one...the ugly one! I have no social life...I don't go
anywhere...I've never had a girlfriend or gone out on a date. I know I will
never have sex with anyone other than myself when I masturbate and I don't
have any reason to live. I take lithium and two antidepressants and that's
what keeps me alive...even though half the time I don't want to live." He
stopped as his eyes were tearing up.

	"Thank you, Bill. That was very brave of you." said the
doctor. "Who wants to be next?"

	"I do," said Helen."I'm what most of you would call in your
schools, a whore. I like men. I like sex...all kinds of sex. I like to get
fucked in my pussy and up the ass. I can give great blow-jobs. I've been
working the streets since I was fourteen to get out of my house and support
myself. I got tired of giving it away to my daddy and my three brothers. If
my momma was alive...they would probably be fucking her, too. But at least,
that would have given me a rest from them. When I was twelve and thirteen,
I would no sooner get in bed than there would be my daddy and my brothers,
all lined up to poke me or feel me up. One night I had my oldest brother
who was eighteen fucking me and the next youngest who was sixteen sticking
it up my ass at the same time, while my daddy has put his smelly, slimy,
nasty dick in my mouth while I was jerking off my little fourteen year old
brother...all at the same time. By the time I was fourteen, I decided if I
was that good, then, hell, I would go out and beat the streets and get paid
for what I could do...and I've been doing it ever since."

	"Did you enjoy working on the streets?" Dr. Hughes asked.

	"Shit, yeah! Well, at first! Soon, when you've saved enough money
to pay your rent, buy a few clothes, get out of debt...you're ready to quit
for a while, but you can't! There's always NEXT month's rent and NEXT
month's bills and food and make-up. So you can't stop. Some nights when you
go home, you can feel cum dripping out of every hole in your body. Then,
this whole AIDS and HIV thing started up and everyone who had had me before
was scared to come back for another visit. So I couldn't pay the next
month's rent or buy food. The night before I got evicted from my apartment,
I was bathing in the tub and shaving my legs and underarms. The razor blade
was dull and I reached over to the sink to get a new blade, only I didn't
put it in the razor. I...I slashed both wrists and it scared the hell out
of me...seeing all my blood in the bath water...and I ran out into the hall
stark naked and bleeding. I must've passed out because the next thing I
remembered was being in the emergency room, here at Kimbrough's."

	"Do you have a place to stay now?"

	"I...I have a bed at a shelter, not a room. NO privacy."

	"How are you supporting yourself?"

	"Thanks to you, Doc, I got qualified for disability. Cutting your
wrists means I'm some kind of crazy...I also get food stamps!"

	No one in the group knew whether to look at her or look down at the
floor. When she finished her recitation, she crossed her legs, letting the
upper one dangle as she took turns eyeing every guy in the group, including
the doctor.

	"I used to do that, too," said Cassandra. "I use to turn tricks all
up and down Ninth Street until someone played a big old dirty trick on
me. He put his big old dirty dick inside me and left a big old wad of dirty
cum in my vagina and I went home and washed it. And it all came out in the
wash except that big old dirty infection of HIV. And no matter how hard I
scrubbed...it just wouldn't go away. And I would gladly give it away to
just anyone who wants it. I was too chicken-shit to cut my wrists, I went
to the drug store, bought three bottles of 'Nytol', went home and swallowed
seventy-six tablets."

	"I have HIV, too." said Hank, the wrestler, surprising all of the
other group members. "I ain't gay or nothin'. But I got it the same
way. Down at the gym where I work out...you ain't a man unless you can take
another man up the ass...Hell, it's been goin' on for years and years...All
us guys do it...It's just sorta like an initiation when you start wrestling
seriously. Fuck, no one knows who got it first...it don't matter, I guess,
'cause a whole bunch of us got it...and now we just assume EVERYONE of us
has it and we just keep on fuckin' each other...I mean, shit, what harm can
it do now?...Anyone else in here have it?"

	"Guilty." came from Kyle, the 'GQ' hunk. "I've been HIV positive
for eight years and took enough cocktails to cure half of Manhattan. I
thought I had it arrested until I got my last t-cell count. Somewhere along
the way, the medicine stopped doing its magic and now nothing can help. I
know that the least little infection or germ can invade my system and I'll
be a goner. Before I got it, I was making big bucks modeling and playing
small roles on soap-operas. I made money selling sex, too. To women AND to
men...whoever wanted to pay the higher price won the bid. Back then, no one
even thought about condoms except for the clap...Nowadays, it's not even
safe to take a piss in a public toilet unless you can whiz through a rubber
with a hole in the end of it. I know my days are numbered. I left New York
and came back to my home in Briarwood to die. I just tried to speed up the
clock by overdosing on barbiturates."

	"I'm gay," announced Kate, "but I'm lucky. I don't have the
curse...you know, the plague? That's one advantage lesbians have over the
guys. Oh, we get it too...but not as often. Most of the body fluids we
consume is in out mouths, where you don't get it as easily unless you have
a sore or a cut on your gums or tongue. There was this one group I went to
where they said that brushing your teeth and putting little cuts in your
gums can cause you get it. I haven't been tested in about six months, but I
think I'm still OK. I feel all right. My problem is just me...I'm a man...a
man with a vagina. Once every two weeks I even grow enough hair on my face
to shave. My parents kicked me out of the house when I refused to wear
dresses and pink panties. Huh! I've never had a pair of pantyhose on in my
life. When I strap on a dildo, I can be more of a man than any of you guys
in this room! But society says I'm a freak, that I don't belong. I don't
fit in except with my own kind. I got fed up with trying to please
everybody. Nobody wants to love a freak!"

	Kate's revelations were followed by a brief silence---then "I think
I'm gay. I don't know though..." said Virgil sheepishly. "I think about
having sex with guys all the time...but I've never done it. My mother use
to dress me in girl's clothes and I'm ashamed to admit it, but I have on
white panties right now." His words claimed shame but his voice held a
challenge for all. "My mother calls me, 'Virgie' or 'Virginia'. I was never
allowed to be a boy and do boy-things. If the law would let her, I think my
mother would admit me to a hospital and have my penis cut off and the skin
folded to make it look like a vagina so I could really be 'Mother's little
girl'. God, I decided I'd rather die than go on trying to be what she wants
me to be, so I...I drank a whole bottle of insecticide mixed with
creme-de-menthe to hide the odor. I guess you could call that a REAL
'grasshopper'!" Virgil giggled, then sobbed quietly.

	"My life is sorta like that." said Josh. "Only my mother doesn't
want me to be a girl, She wants me to be a straight 'A' student. She won't
allow me a life outside of my books. I have to read and study, day and
night. I don't have any friends...male or female...unless their names are
Constantine or King Arthur or Anne of Green Gables.  Those are my only
friends...fictional ones...and at night, when I'm exhausted from reading
and when all my books are closed and put away...I'm alone...with no one,
nothing in my life. I just wish that some time the phone would ring and it
would be for me and someone would be on the other end of the line to say,
'Hi, Josh...How are you, buddy?'. No one's ever done that and as long as my
mother is alive, I guess no one ever will."

	"I'd call you, Josh," said Sharon, "but I doubt you'd ever return
my call. Besides, I don't have time to talk on the phone. I have to take
care of the house and tend to my eight brothers and sisters. My Daddy left
us when I was twelve and Momma went to work in at Burger Ranch on the
graveyard shift. I had to quit school and take care of the house...do all
the cooking and washing and ironing and sewing...and the mothering and the
doctoring and everything else you have to do to keep the house in order
while Momma sleeps during the day. I've never been out on a date,
either...never been to a prom. I took the kids to see Walt Disney's
'Mulan', when it first came out and that's the last movie I've seen in
years. I know that by the time all the kids grow up and leave, it will be
too late for me to have a life. I won't ever get married and have a family
of my own. Why should I...and go through all this all over? The cops picked
me up standing in the middle of I-75, trying to get hit by a truck. I got
out of the house, all right, and landed in a psycho ward."

	Everyone in the room looked at the floor this time. Then Doctor
Hughes looked at Dave.

	"What about you, Dave? Would you like to share with us?"

	"No...except I wish I was dead. I've tried suicide four times and
failed every time. Next time I won't!"

	"Do you mind telling us what troubles you?"

	"I don't have to tell you---all you have to do is take one look at
me and you can see what's been wrong since I was eleven years old...It's my
face! LOOK AT IT! Look at the acne scars. No one wants to sit across a
table and try to eat, looking at the bumps and the pus running out of
them. Sometimes I make my own self sick just looking in the mirror. There's
no medicine or plastic surgery that can improve my skin. My parents have
spent a fortune on doctors and salves and creams and radiation and laser
treatments...and everything they try...when they get through...I look even
worse than before. If I could, I would even try to be gay...but no boy
would look at me, any quicker than a girl would. My scars are
deep... deeper than just my face...my soul is scarred...and then, what you
can't see...I have these big red splotches all over my back and my
chest. Doctor, I even have acne on the sides of my penis. Now would anyone
in this room, gay or straight, like to suck on that one?"

	All the room had opened up except Alex. Hearing their stories, he
was so ashamed at what he had done, an. over such a trivial matter, His
reason for dying didn't hold a candle to theirs. He found himself wishing
he had the ability to lie, to tell some whopper to elicit pity from the
other group members, but instead realized that was afraid they would laugh
at his silly reason for a suicide attempt.

	"Alex, you're the last one...do you feel strong enough to share
with the group?"

	"I don't know what to say...Three days ago, I took an overdose and
wound up in the hospital. The reason I did, God, it was so stupid. Hearing
what all you have gone through or are experiencing right now makes me too
embarrassed to tell you why I did it. I didn't have enough cause to commit
suicide, or even think about it. I know one thing...I'll never try it
again. My mother is dead and I have a father and a kid brother who love me
more than life. I have a best friend, Ted, who's been there for me and with
me, all my life...And I got mad at him...over nothing, really...I argued
with him and told him to get out of my house...and then , like a dumb
little child who doesn't know any better...I thought I would see if the
world could get along without me and I decided to leave it by my own
hand. Boy, was I STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!...Doctor Hughes, I swear to you in
front of all these eleven witnesses, I will never, never, NEVER try to
commit suicide again!" Alex felt his face burning, red with embarrassment,
with the intensity of his emotions.

	"Alex, what did you and your best friend, Ted, argue about? I mean,
you're leaving out something, something important. Someone just doesn't
have a disagreement with a friend and try to kill himself."

	"Do I have to say, Dr. Hughes?"

	"No, not unless you want to, Alex."

	"Come on, Alex, we all want to hear. We've bared our souls and
shared our secrets with you. What did you do that you think is worse than
what we did?"

	"It...it sounds so trivial in retrospect. Looking back, it was
hardly anything...anything at all."

	"So if it's not 'anything', why can't you tell us?" Kyle insisted.

	"OK, look!" Alex replied. "I know lots of you are gay, but I'm not!
At least, I didn't think I was. Hell, I don't know. I'm so mixed up."

	"So you and Ted had sex together? Is that it?"

	"Kinda..." Alex's voice was small.

	"Did Ted rape you or fuck you in the ass?" came from Helen.

	"No!"

	"Shit!" said Helen, loudly, "What the fuck did you and Ted do?"

	"We...we masturbated...together..." Alex replied.

	"And then...?"

	"That's all. I...I masturbated him and he did it to me while we
were looking at a porno tape."

	"That was it?" Hank shouted. "You jerked off together with your
best friend like any normal teenagers and you got angry and threw him out
of your house? Jesus Christ! That's no reason to kill yourself. Fuck! I've
been taking dicks up my ass for a long time. If me and the guys at the gym
only jerked each other off, I'd be happy as a bunny rabbit on Easter
morning."

	"IT WASN'T JUST THAT!" Alex screamed. "It was what I felt after Ted
left. I...I watched the porno tape again...and I kept wishing...I kept
wishing that that was Ted and me doing what the guys on the tape were
doing. I...I wanted to have sex with Ted and it scared the heck out of me!
My...my mother's dead and my dad says she's always watching me. I was so
ashamed of what I did and afraid she had seen me and read my
thoughts...I...I couldn't bear the embarrassment of it!"

	"That's enough, Alex," Dr. Hughes said, comforting him.

	"No! Let me finish, please," Alex said, in more control of
himself. "Then, after you, Dr. Hughes, told me that what happened between
Ted and me was normal...a natural thing that all guys my age do...I...I
felt better and my shame seemed to subside."

	"You don't feel guilt any longer?"

	"I guess not, because the day I got home from the hospital, I had
already talked with my dad. I thought my younger brother ought to know what
happened in case he ever went through the same thing that I did."

	"How did your brother react when you told him?"

	"Don't laugh at me, but my admission to him made him horny and he
wanted me to tell him every detail of what went on between Ted and me."

	"...And did you tell him?"

	"Yes. I told him and before I knew it, I was showing him."

	"How to masturbate?"

	"Yes."

	"He didn't know?"

	"No, but he sure learned real fast and, almost instantly, he became
addicted to it."

	"Did you two touch each other?" Hank asked.

	"Yeah."

	"And afterward, did you feel guilty or ashamed?" Dr. Hughes
inquired this time.

	"I guess not, because we did it again last night."

	"Man, you gotta teach each other how to give blow jobs!" Hank
interjected.

	"I...I don't think that will ever happen."

	Once again, it was Dr. Hughes who asked the next question, "And
Ted? How do you fell about him now? Are you still angry with him?"

	"No, I gotta apologize this weekend. His dad and my dad are taking
Ted and me camping."

	"...and if something happens between you and Ted on the camping
trip, are you going to wind up in the emergency room like last time?"

	"I don't think so, Dr. Hughes. I've been doing a lot of thinking
and if Ted forgives me and is willing, I...I might want to try other things
with him. I heard lots of you say you were gay and I think now that I might
be gay, too."

	"All I can suggest, Alex, is that you go slowly and take one action
at a time, if you think you're gay. Remember, Ted might have been acting as
a normal curious teenager. Ted might not have gay feelings for you as you
seem to have for him. It might be Ted who gets upset and tries something
foolish or dangerous to himself or to you. Talk about it first. Tell him
how you feel. Relationships are built on trust, understanding, and complete
openness. I hope everything works out for the best for both of you."

	"Hear! Hear!" shouted Hank.

	"Listen to what Dr. Hughes said to you," offered Kyle. "If it's
mutual and if it's the real thing between you and Ted, both of you will
know it...and you might just be taking a giant step into one of the
greatest things in your lives. Relationships are best if you let love guide
you through them. Love---that's the best part of sex and more importantly,
the best thing in life."

	When Dr. Hughes and Kyle had finished their speeches to Alex, tears
had welled up in Alex's eyes. He took a long look at Kyle and felt they had
become instant friends. Alex had no designs on Kyle's sexually, but he
hoped they would get to know one another better in the future. He felt that
all his ten compatriots had supported his decision, each in his own way and
he had matured so much in this one session. Actually, he felt
cured. However, he would still like to continue coming to the group to see
how they were all progressing, especially Kyle. Kyle, who knew he was
dying, was suddenly showing Alex how to live.

	The session ended and Alex returned home in great spirits. He
cooked a big pot of beans and franks for Walter, Jeff, and himself for
dinner. While the food was cooking, Alex picked up the phone and dialed
Ted.

	"Hello?" Ted answered.

	"Hi. It's me, Alex."

	"You think I don't know your voice after all these years?"

	"I just wanted to call and ask if you were going camping with your
dad and us this weekend?"

	"I wouldn't miss it! Are you going for sure?"

	"Yeah...for sure. We need to have a long talk. By the way, what
clothes are you taking?"


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(To be continued in "Briarwood" Book Two-chapter fifteen: