Date: Thu, 20 Mar 2008 14:24:06 -0400
From: ronyx <ronyx@woh.rr.com>
Subject: Brittle as a Bird  Chapter 16

The following is a work of fiction. Any similarities to anyone are purely
coincidental. The story is intended for a mature audience. It may contain
profanity and references to gay sex. If this offends you, please leave and
find something more suitable to read. The author maintains all rights to
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ronyx@themustardjar.com with your comments. Ronyx is a prolific Nifty
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Brittle as a Bird          Chapter 16



I'm at the lake. Figures, huh? I got up early and headed out before Ticker
woke up. I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I needed some time to be by
myself and try to piece things together.

I looked in the mirror while I was getting dressed, and my eye is swollen
and bruised. Fortunately, my eye isn't closed shut. Ticker gave me some ice
when we got home and I applied it to my face for a while. It seemed to have
helped a little.

I still can't get over what happened. In his drunken state, Gene came on to
me last night. By doing so, he outed himself to everyone at school. What is
amazing is that Barry had no idea that his best friend was gay. Why would
someone like Gene have a homophobic friend? If he was trying to use him as
a shield to hide his own sexuality, then it completely backfired last
night.

I should feel glad that he finally got what he deserved, but I
don't. Actually, thinking back, Gene really never did seem to want to
hassle me. Barry was always the instigator, trying to set him against
me. Perhaps, Barry did suspect Gene was gay, and that was his way to test
him. Last night he discovered the truth, and his reaction was violent.

By the look of Gene's face last night, Barry must have pummeled him pretty
badly. His face was a bloody mess. I'm sure he was sore this morning after
the effects of the alcohol wore off.

Why do I feel so sorry for him, though? Every fiber of my body says I
should hate him, but I don't. Looking at him lying on the ground last
night, completely devastated, should have brought some closure to all the
times I've been teased unmercifully by Gene, Barry, and all the rest. But I
cried when I saw his crumpled body.

Maybe it was the fact that he was Allen's brother that made me
sorrowful. However, I remembered how Star said Gene had treated him the
past few years. Again, could the rejection of his brother have been an
attempt to hide his own sexuality? Star did say that their father watched
Gene like a hawk. Therefore, by going along with his father's hostility
could have been a cover also.

The more I thought about it, the more sorrow I felt for Gene. He must have
known when their father kicked Allen out of the house that he was gay, or
maybe suspected it. So then all these years he must have feared that the
same would happen to him if his secret was discovered. What a burden he
must have felt when his father expected him to continue the family line and
perhaps give him grandchildren, since Allen would not.

How would Allen handle the news? From some of the things he said, he hated
Gene for turning away from him. Of course Gene was a young boy when it
occurred, but he was now old enough to make his own decisions; and it was
obvious he didn't want to resume a brotherly relationship. Even
Mrs. Albright had suggested that. She had also seemed disappointed with
Gene's behavior. I wonder how she was reacting to the revelation that her
other son was also gay?

I need to see Allen, but I'm afraid to confront him. I don't want to be the
one to tell him about the events of last night. He'd surely want to know
how I got my black eye. What could I say, "Your brother kissed me and I got
my ass kicked."

I was also faced with another dilemma that had been kicking around in the
back of my mind since the kiss. What if I liked it?

I was just beginning to consider a relationship with Allen. With all the
baggage we both carried, I still felt very strongly for him. In fact, I
think I'm beginning to fall in love with him.

What if Gene really did like me? I'd admired him for years from a
distance. Who wouldn't? I just always assumed he was straight and was
therefore forbidden fruit. Now I find out he's secretly been wanting me-
Joey Carpenter. It was every gay boy's dream come true.

Shit, what a mess. This isn't something that you can just toss a coin and
make a decision. Hearts were at stake, and I had to be careful to protect
mine. I'd never been in love before, so I don't have a lot of experience in
things like this.

Was what I felt for Allen strong enough to forget what had happened last
night? We were still talking about our feelings. We were beginning to
define us, together. Now Gene was thrown into the equation. Could
everything fall apart now? As usual, my life continues to unravel. Why is
it always one step forward and three steps back?

******************

"Where have you been?" Star was screaming frantically into the phone. I'd
returned to Ticker's house earlier, and I was now lying on the cot. Ticker
hadn't said a word to me when he handed me the phone.

"I took a walk," I replied.

"Are you alright?" Her tone had shifted from anxiety to concern.

"Yeah," I laughed. "Why wouldn't I be alright?"

"Come, on," Joey. "This isn't funny."

"I know," I said. "It's just the typical shit that happens to me."

"I told you last night," she insisted. "It's not your fault." There was a
pause. I guess she was waiting for me to say something. When I didn't she
asked, "Have you seen Gene?"

"Why would I see him?"

"He took off in his car last night and no one has seen him. Gina is
frantic."

"His father is probably happy," I said.

"He's in Kuwait for a month," she informed me. "He has no idea what's going
on."

"Does his mother?"

"I'm afraid so," her voiced started to tremble. "Barry came home about
thirty minutes after you and Ticker left. Before we could stop him, he went
over to their front door and pounded on it. He kept yelling for the fag to
come outside so he could beat the shit out of him again."

"Damn," I muttered.

"Gina called me later and asked me to come over and explain what was going
on. I tried to lie, but she eventually got the truth out of me."

"What did she say?"

"Nothing." Star became emotional. "She thanked me and then went to her
bedroom. I waited around for a little while, and then I left."

"Poor woman," I said. I had grown very fond of Mrs. Albright. She had
recently been treating me as if I were one of her sons. I loved it when she
reached out and hugged me. She also seemed to be encouraging me to become
closer to Allen. I don't know if she wanted me to be his lover, but she did
want me to become a better friend.

"She had to deal with Allen's problems, and now she finds out her other son
is gay."

"I still can't believe it," exclaimed Star. "I've known Gene all my life
and I never suspected anything like this."

"Maybe he's not gay," I suggested. "Maybe he just got drunk and did
something stupid."

"Kissing you is not stupid," she replied. "Taking off your clothes and
running around naked is stupid. Kissing another guy isn't. It must have
been something he's thought about for a long time."

"That's what he said." I responded. "So no one has seen him?"


"No," she answered. "He tore off down the street and disappeared. I've
called everyone I know and no one has seen him. In fact, most people don't
want to see him."

"Have you called Allen?"

"I doubt he'd go there," she said. "Allen would be the last person he'd go
to."

"Does he know what happened?" I didn't know how Allen would take the
news. It would be bad enough to find out his brother was gay; but then to
discover he outed himself by kissing me.

"I'm going over there in a little while." She said. "I need to make a few
more calls. Do you want to go with me?


"I don't think so," I laughed nervously. "I don't want to be there when he
finds out about all this. He may never want to see me again."

"Joey," she shouted into the phone. "This is not your fault!"

"I know," I sighed. "But it's the typical shit that happens to me."

"I'll be sure that Allen understands you had nothing to do with this," she
replied. "Will you come by later, after I've talked to him? He may want to
see you."

"Yeah," I laughed. "To kick my ass."

"He's not going to kick your ass," she insisted. "He cares too much about
you."

"He won't after he finds out what happened."

"Come by around seven," she replied. "See you then." She hung up while I
sat on the side of the cot and wondered how Allen would take the news.

*********************

"Where were you last night?" Star was waiting for me at my locker when I
arrived at school. Once again, I seemed to be the center of
attention. Students giggled and snickered when I walked down the hallway
sporting a black eye. I guess most students had spent their Sunday getting
the latest school gossip.

"How did Allen take the news?" I asked. Star stood staring into my eyes.

"It was really strange," she replied. "He didn't say anything. It was as if
he didn't even hear me. When I tried to get him to say something he changed
the subject."

"Is he mad at me?" I asked.

"Why would he be mad at you? You didn't do anything."

There was a commotion in the hall and we looked to see why everyone was so
excited. Students were parting and we saw Gene walking toward us. He was
trying to ignore the comments being made to him, but you could tell by the
strained look on his face that he was deeply hurt. Just forty-eight hours
earlier he had been the most popular guy in school. Now he was the brunt of
many rude and hateful comments. I knew what he was feeling, because I had
been there myself.

He looked like he was in a great deal of pain. His face still showed the
beating Barry had given him. One of his eyes was darker than mine, and the
side of his face was still puffy and red.

"I'm going to cry," said Star. "This is too sad." He continued to walk,
ignoring the comments being directed at him. Fag, Queer, Homo. I'd heard
them so many times that it would surprise me if I didn't hear someone say
something to me. But to see someone else being the recipient of such hatred
hurt me.

"See you later." Star ran over and grabbed Gene's arm. He flinched at
first, but seemed relieved that he was no longer alone. I felt compelled to
join them, but I knew it would only make the situation worse.

The morning classes went as I expected. Students laughed and giggled when
they saw my black eye. It was usually associated with Gene's name and a
reference to our kiss. What was funny was that no one seemed to be blaming
me. Barry must have told everyone that Gene had instigated the kiss. I
think they were surprised because Gene had kissed me. They already knew I
was gay, so it wouldn't have been as newsworthy if I had made an attempt to
kiss him.

"No wonder he hardly ever dated," said a girl in my second period
class. "We should have known he was a fag."

"Yeah," replied her friend. "I went out with him two years ago and tried to
make out with him. He pushed me off and said he had a bad cold and he
didn't want me to catch it. I should have figured it out then."

Then her friend looked at me and sneered. "Can you believe he kissed HIM?"
She said it as if I were a leper. I smiled and flipped her off. Her eyes
widened, and then she turned her back and continued her conversation.

Once again students bumped and pushed into me while I walked down the hall
to my classes. I spotted Gene once and he looked pathetic. He ambled along
with his head hung down, refusing to look at anyone. As he approached, he
looked up and our eyes met, but he quickly looked down as he passed.

Ticker and Star were waiting for me when I entered the cafeteria. I was
going to tell them that I was going to spend the lunch hour in the library,
but Star insisted that I stay and eat with them. I reluctantly went to
cafeteria line and got my usual slice of cardboard and cold fries.

On the way back to my table, I didn't see someone put out their foot to
trip me. I fell to the ground, dropping my food to the floor. The cafeteria
erupted into laughter. Some students stood on their chairs to witness me
sprawled out on the floor.

"Fucking fag," someone called out. I stood up and quickly left the
cafeteria. I could hear Star behind me shouting my name. I exited the
building and hurried down the sidewalk toward Sullivan Lake.

I was half way there when I turned and started walking downtown. Before I
realized it, I was knocking on Allen's door. After three knocks, he opened
it and I fell into his arms.

"Hold me, please!" I cried. We stood in the doorway, weeping into each
other's shoulders for several minutes before Allen finally pulled me inside
and closed the door.

He led me over to the couch, and I placed my head in his lap, unable to
stop crying. He didn't say anything as he gently rubbed his hand through my
hair.

I sat up and looked into his face. His eyes were as wet with tears as
mine. He smiled and then got up and walked into the kitchen, returning with
a roll of paper towels.

"Here," he laughed as he handed me a towel. "Wipe the snot off your face."
I took it and blew my nose several times. He then pulled me back into
him. I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed.

"Thanks," I mumbled softly. "I'm glad you were here." He squeezed me
tighter. After several minutes I sat up and looked at him.

"I'm sorry," I said.

A puzzled look appeared on his face. "Why would you be sorry?"

"I don't know," I replied as tears started to reappear. "I feel like I've
hurt you."

Tears welled up in his eyes as he reached for me and held me again
tightly. "You haven't done anything," he whispered in my ear.

I sat up and then leaned in and kissed him. We wrapped our arms around each
other as we kissed passionately. As I closed my eyes, I envisioned Gene's
lips pressed to mine. I remembered the kiss we had shared on the
porch. When I opened my eyes, Allen was staring into mine. I pulled away
and he had a sad expression on his face.

I stood up and grabbed his hand, trying to pull him off the couch. "Make
love to me."

"Sit down, Joey." He patted the couch. Disappointedly, I sat back down. I
had intended to take him to the bed and have sex with him. At the moment, I
really felt I needed to be closer to him.

I leaned in and kissed him again. "I want you, Allen," I whispered in his
ear. I reached down and rubbed his erection through his pants.

He took my hand and moved it away. I gave him a disappointed look. "It's
not right, Joey. This isn't the time."

"Yes it is, Allen." Once again I kissed him and rubbed his cock. "I love
you. I want you to fuck me."

He got up and looked sadly down at me. "This isn't the time, Joey."

"Are you mad at me for what happened?" Tears started welling up in my eyes.

"No," he said as he sat back down and took my hand. "I'm not mad at you. It
wasn't your fault."

"Then why won't you make love to me," I begged. "I want you."

"Joey," he almost whispered. "If we went over to the bed and had sex the
rest of the afternoon, would it really make anything better? Would it make
things just go away?"

I buried my head in my hands. "I'm so confused right now."

"That's what I'm talking about," replied Allen. "If and when we make love,
it has to be just right. But now isn't that time."

I stared at him with tearful eyes. "I really do love you."

"I know you do," he said with a gentle kiss. "And I love you."

I leaned back against him and buried my head in his shoulder. He threw an
arm around me and held be tightly for about ten minutes. Finally he asked,
"Tell me what happened Saturday."

I told him about the events at the party. I told him how I had wanted to
leave, but Star and Ticker were having a good time playing Monopoly. I then
told him how I had walked around to the front of the farmhouse to be
alone. I told him how Gene had drunkenly approached me and kissed me. He
seemed concerned when I told him how Barry had violently attacked him,
leaving him with a bruised and battered face.

He sat silently beside me. "What are you thinking?" I asked.

"I'm not sure," he responded. "I don't know how to feel. Gene and I were
really close. For years he followed me around like a puppy. I used to get
mad at him because he always wanted to be with me. You know," he looked at
me and smiled, "he was cramping my style."

"He really seemed upset when you fell down the stairs," I said. He gave me
a questioning look. "I sort of spoke to him at school." I told Allen how
Gene had found out about his injury when I spent the night at his house.

"You slept in my bedroom!" He shouted. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"We weren't talking," I giggled. "Remember." Unexpectedly, he leaned in and
gave me a quick kiss.

"That was nice," I grinned. I leaned in and kissed him. I wiggled my
eyebrows and nodded toward the bed. "You sure? After all, I did sleep in
your bed." He sat back and laughed.

"Yeah, I'm sure." He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "Did you see Gene at
school today?"

"Yeah," I replied sadly. I told him how other students had been treating
both of us. Tears appeared in his eyes when I told him how someone had
tripped me in the cafeteria.

"Why did you come here?"

"I don't know," I responded, squeezing his hand. "It just seemed like the
right thing to do."

"I'm glad you did," he said. "I wonder how Gene is doing?"

"Not very well," I said. "For years I've experienced their wrath. It's
going to be really hard for him since he was so popular. No one saw this
coming."

"I should have," said Allen. I gave him a puzzled look. "I had a feeling
when he was little and I was out running around. He kept asking me a lot of
questions."

"About what?" I asked.

"Typical sex things guys first start asking when they discover they have a
dick that wants to do more than just piss."

"Do you think he was gay then?"

"I don't know," said Allen. "But a lot of his questions dealt with sex
between guys. You know, things like sucking a guy's dick."

Suddenly, it occurred to me that Gene and I had both probably questioned
our sexuality around the same time. Having sex with Uncle Mike made me
realize that I was gay. It had to have been around that time that Gene
began to realize the same thing.

"He never said anything about being gay?" I asked. Allen sat thoughtfully
for a minute. I was sure he was trying to think back years ago to their
conversations.

"Only once," he said thoughtfully. "I'd almost forgotten. When Dad found
out I was gay and he was giving me a lot of shit, Gene said something about
how he'd have to be careful. I didn't think anything about it at the time,
but now it makes sense."

"So he's spent the past four or five years trying to hide the fact he's
gay?"

"It appears that way," said Allen. "Poor guy. It must have been hell living
under Dad's roof knowing he was gay. He saw what happened to me when Dad
found out."

"But you said he treated you like shit," I said.

"Now I understand why," he replied. "He had to do it. Dad didn't give him
much of a choice."

Just then someone started knocking at the door. I looked at the clock on
the wall and realized it had to be Star stopping by after school. Allen got
up and opened the door. His mother came barging in.

"Have you seen Gene?" She asked frantically. "He didn't come home after
school. I've called his cell phone, but he has it turned off."

She walked over to me and asked, "Did you see him in school? How was he?"

What could I say? I didn't want to tell her how he'd been treated by the
other students. She was already to upset, and I didn't want to make her
worry more by telling her how cruel he'd been treated by other students.

She stopped pacing around the room and walked over to me. She reached out
and gently touched my face. "Look at you." She gingerly touched my black
eye. "So it is true then. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Mrs. Albright." I winced when she applied some pressure to my
sore eye.

"Did Barry do this to you, too?" She had a worried look on her face. "He
beat Gene pretty badly."

"I know," I said as I remembered him walking dejectedly down the hall
earlier in the day with a battered face.

"You don't have any idea where he is?" Allen asked.

"Not a clue," his mother said as she sat down beside Allen on the
couch. "I'm worried sick. He was so depressed when he left the house this
morning."

"May I borrow your phone?" Mrs. Albright handed me her cell phone. "I'll
call Star; she may know where he is."

"I already called her," she stated.

Suddenly, I had an idea. I dialed Ticker's number. "Ticker, do you have
Billy Joe's number?" I waited a minute while he searched his phone for
it. "Ok, thanks."

I walked outside and called from the sidewalk. "Billy Joe, it's Joey. Have
you seen Gene?"

I walked back upstairs and opened the door.

"I found him."

*********************

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