Date: Wed, 5 May 1999 03:52:55 EDT
From: Erikreeves@aol.com
Subject: Cumming Out

"Cumming Out"

Copyright 1999
By Erik R. Drellman (erikreeves@aol.com)

DISCLAIMER: The following story is based on actual events.  Some names were
changed to protect the privacy of my friends.  I hope you enjoy reading
this account, and if you do, I would love to hear from you.

			 *     *     *     *     *

     I am 34 years old, and still not married.  Until about a year and a
half ago, I thought that I was straight...now I am not so sure.  I used to
think that everything was "cut and dried", black or white, but not now.  I
have always been a "free spirit", never really wanting to be tied down in a
relationship and always enjoying my freedom.  When people would ask me why
I wasn't married like all of my sisters and brothers that is what I would
say, but my life changed drastically one night about eighteen months ago...

     My roommate from college was coming to visit.  It had been more than
ten years since we had seen each other and I couldn't wait.  I always
received the obligatory greeting card at some point during the holidays
with the newsletter and the photo of the whole family (including the dog),
so I had kept up with what was going on in his life, but this trip would be
just the two of us so we should really be able to catch up.  We had been
room mates in college for two years and had done everything together.  We
double dated almost every week-end and had become the best of friends.  We
shared all of our hopes and dreams with each other and became more like
brothers than just best friends.  Everything came to an abrupt halt when
"she" came into the picture though.  Her name was Stephanie and I knew that
she really did love Brian, but she took a part of him away from me that
really made me jealous of her.  Once she came into his life, he no longer
needed to confide in me, but I still needed him because I didn't have a
"Stephanie" in my life, so...little by little, we drifted apart.  I hadn't
even been invited to the wedding.  That really stung!

     I stood by the gate watching all of the people as they disembarked the
plane from Dallas.  My heart was pounding so loudly that I was afraid the
people standing next to me would be able to hear it.  I was excited but
also very nervous.  All of these years later I realized that I didn't have
a lot in common with a married, father of three.  No time to worry about
that now...there he was!  I saw his grin first and then when his eyes
caught a glimpse of me they began to sparkle and he literally ran over to
where I was and grabbed me in his tightest bear hug.  He held me like that
for a long time...maybe a little too long.  His arms felt good around me,
natural, just like it used to so many years ago.  I really didn't like the
empty feeling that was left when he finally pulled away from me either.  We
picked up his luggage at the baggage claim and were on our way home before
either of us really took a breath and stopped talking a mile a minute!  He
looked at me from the passenger seat and said, "I have really, really
missed you Erik".  I felt his hand on my shoulder and then felt a chill go
through my body, all of the way through to my fingers and my toes.  I
looked at him nervously and grinned.  I knew if I opened my mouth, one of
those profoundly stupid remarks that I always seemed to be known for would
come out so I just smiled and watched the road.

     God, he was still so handsome.  His skin was dark and smooth, his hair
was almost black and straight as an arrow.  His lips were thin and helooked
as if he worked out daily, but I knew that he didn't.  He was just one of
those lucky guys who was blessed with a spectacular body.  (I STILL hate
guys like that!!).  Married life had evidently agreed with him because he
was looking pretty fine for 34 years old, but don't get the wrong
impression, I was no slouch in the "looks" department either, I just had to
work harder!  I still played racquetball at least three times a week and
madetime to walk, jog, and bike, whenever I could.

     At 3:00 am, after talking nonstop for hours, we realized how late it
was.  His shirt was unbuttoned and I could see his smooth, defined chest.
His nipples were small and dark, and there was a line of dark hair that
started just above his belly button and disappeared somewhere beneath the
waistband of his dress slacks.  We had both gotten comfortable, laughed,
talked, and even cried a little together remembering all of the fun we had
had so many years before.  Suddenly, it got quite.  He looked at me and hit
me with a bombshell.  He said, "Erik, I need to ask you something".  I
looked at him feeling more than a little bit nervous and said, "ok".
"Please don't be offended by this, but I have had my suspicions for years
and I have to know...are you gay?"  At first, I was stunned.  If anyone but
him had asked me this I would have denied it, laughed, and gone about my
business, but for some reason, maybe because of the thoughts that I had
been having about him since he had reappeared in my life that evening, I
was angry!  I was on my feet before he realized what was happening and I
hit him under his jaw with a right hook.  My broad shoulders and wrestlers
build worked to my advantage.  He stumbled back against the wall with a
dazed expression on his face and then I really went ballistic.  He hit me
back and soon, both of us were a bloody mess.  Fists were flying and noses
were bleeding, lips were swollen, cracked and dripping blood, and bruises
had already started to appear on both of us.  Finally, he pulled me into
him with a vise like grip and wouldn't let me go.  I began to settle down
then, but I was still filled with rage at the audicity he had to come into
my life after all of this time and question my sexuality like that.  Who
the fuck did he think he was?

     Once we both had settled down and caught our breath, we walked slowly
to the bathroom and I ran warm water in the sink so we could clean up.
Brian sat down on the toilet and let his head rest against the wall as I
stood in front of the sink.  I glanced over at him because he was being so
quiet.  There was a single tear drifting slowly down his cheek, through
some dark red, dried blood on his face.  I began to fel like the asshole I
was now, I had single-handedly demolished any hope of a good reunion with
my very best friend from college.  What was I thinking?  Almost inaudibly,
he whispered, "I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to offend you."  I felt horrible,
why had I done what i did, especially when I knew that he might be right
about me, maybe I was gay.  "I'm sorry too", I said.  I suppose this would
have been a great time for one of those "Hallmark" moments where the best
friends hug and all is forgiven and forgotten but things didn't turn out
that way.  The single tear on his cheek was soon joined by others, many
others.  He began to sob into his hands as he sat there in my bathroom.
The tears openly flowed down his cheeks and cut ridges through the dried
blood on his face.  I wanted to comfort him, to hold him, but after our
conversation and the fight, I was afraid to, so I just stood there
awkwardly waiting for him to calm down.

     Finally, after some time passed, he setteld down and tears subsided.
He looked at me through red, swollen eyes, and I saw a tenderness in them
that I hadn't seen in a long time-maybe I had never seen that before.
Quietly,almost in a whisper, he began to speak to me.  "When we were in
school together, you were the first person I had ever met who really seemed
to be able to understand me.  I always felt so out of place with everyone,
like... I never really fit in, but with you, it was always different.  I
began to feel a bond with you, something that I had never experienced
before, and something that have never experienced since...not even with
Stephanie.  I enjoyed our friendship more than anything.  One day I was
watching you and I began to wonder what it would be like to feel my arms
around you, not like we did when we would hug each other or kid around, but
to really feel my arms around you, holding you, feeling you next me to me.
I got scared.  I just went carzy.  I wasn't a faggot so why was I thinking
things like that?  The more I tried to control those type of thoughts, the
more they seemed to come to me.  I was thinking things about you all of the
time, things that I knew I shouldn't be thinking about.  I thought I was
going crazy.  When Stephanie came along, it gave me an excuse to get away
from you so I could pretend that I was "normal".  I love her, I really do,
and and I always will.  She is a good wife and a great mother.  I love you
too though...and I guess I always have.  I love you in a way that I will
never be able to love Stephanie.  When I asked you if you were gay, it was
only because I was hoping that you were, not because I wanted to embarrass
you.  I know that I have destroyed what little bit of our friendship might
have been left after all of this time but I just wanted you to know why
everything happened the way it did.  I am really sorry."

     With those words, he stood up and walked past me into the living room.
I was stunned.  Numb.  I could hear him collecting his things and I knew
that he would walk out of the door and I would never, ever hear from him
again.  Is that what I wanted?  I turned quietly and walked into the living
room just as he got to the front door.  I put my hand out and touched his
shoulder.  Brian flinched as if I was going to hit him again.  He stopped
dead in his tracks and just stood there facing the door.  I could feel the
heat of his body under my fingers and it started a passion burning deep
within me that I didn't even know existed.  I put both of my arms under his
and pulled him to me in an embrace.  His warm back was pressed against my
chest and my hands were on his bare waist.  His unbuttoned shirt hung
loosely from his shoulders and I gently put my head against the back of
his.  I didn't say a word for a long time, we just stood there, our bodies
touching, our hearts beating.  Finally, I whispered, "I'm sorry.  I didn't
mean to hurt you, I love you too to ever hurt you intentionally, but I
didn't fully realize just much, or the way, I loved you until right now.
Brian turned around in my arms and looked me straight in the eye.  The
tears were still glistening on his cheeks but now there was a big grin on
his face.  "I had to come back to see you and to find out what might happen
between us", he said.  "I never dreamed that you would beat me up", he said
with a huge grin.  I closed my eyes as my lips gently touched his for the
first time.  There was a spark between us, a deep river of love that ran to
the very depths of our two souls.  I parted my lips and felt his warm,
thick tongue invading my mouth.  His kiss became harder and more urgent and
I returned the passion with an open mouth.  He pulled away and slowly
opened his eyes.  "I have waited for this for twelve years".  Without
another word, we held hands, our fingers intertwined, and walked down the
hall to my bedroom.

			 *     *     *     *     *

     I closed the door to my bedroom and slowly walked away from Brian.
The light from the streetlamp outside was shining in the window giving
enough light to help me maneuver through the room.  I began to light
candles that were setting around the room.  Soon, there were shadows
dancing on the walls a creating warm, romantic glow.  I turned back to
Brian who was still leaning against the door.  "Are you sure?", I asked.
He stood for a moment longer as I searched his eyes intently.  I began to
think he was having second thoughts until he slowly walked toward me in the
darkness, his shirt, splattered with blood, still hagning open.  I felt his
arms tentatively slip around me and once again his lips were on mine.  Our
hearts were beating so rapidly that as we stood chest to chest, it seemed
as if we had a built in rhythm section in our joined bodies.  As our
tongues played tag in each others mouths, I slipped the shirt off of his
shoulders and let it fall to the floor.  My hands began to roam over the
ridges of his chest.  I let my hands roam over his body, feeling his strong
pecs and flat stomach beneath my fingers.  His skin was hot to the touch
and his breath had already started to come in short gasps.  As we stood
there kissing each other, I was able to explore his tight torso.  I knew
Brian better than I knew another living soul, and finally, we were taking
the final step toward solidifying a bond that we had felt for a long time.

     I let my tounge leave Brians mouth and licked down between his
nipples, stopping to pay special attention to each one of them.  I lsucked
them, gently biting, causing them to stand erect.  Brian let his head roll
back on his shoulders and held my head in his hands.  I licked down to his
flat stomach tasting the very essence of his warm body.  I pushed my tongue
into his belly button and felt him draw in his breath.  Slowly, I unbuckled
his belt, opened his pants, and unzipped his zipper.  I could see, in the
dim light, a bulge in the silk boxers he was wearing.  I placed my hand on
the mound of flesh and felt the heat through the fabric.  He cock was hard
and was already dripping precum, completely soaking the silk fabric of his
boxers.  I looked closely at the little trail of dark hair that went from
his belly button down to somewhere hidden by the waistband of his boxers.
I hooked my fingers in the waistband of his underwear and pulled them down
around his ankles.  His pants and boxers were bunched up at his feet but I
was intently looking at the perfect specimen of manhood in front of me.
His penis was as smooth and as perfect as the rest of his body.  It was
hard and stood out from his thick pubic bush.  I bent my head down slowly
and licked the tip of his head, tasting the precum that was oozing out.
This was the taste of the man I loved and had loved for all of these years.
I was overcome with lust and pushed my mouth down on his cock all the way
to its hairy root.  I could feel the head of his penis as it pushed against
the back of my throat.  Immediately, his hips began a steady rhythm as he
fed me his dick.  "Suck my hard dick, baby.  You know you want it and I
want you to do it for me reallly bad", he whispered.  I let my hands roam
over the thick, muscular legs spread out in front of me.  His body was
almost completely hairless and soon there was a glistening sheen of sweat
all over as he continued to move into my mouth.

     He stopped and stepped away, pulling his pants and boxers off.  He
stood before me completely naked.  Without even one word he walked toward
me and began to unbutton my shirt.  His hands were shaking, partly from
passion and partly from nervousness.  After my shirt came off, my pants and
boxers followed.  I stood naked before him.  He watched me intently as his
hands began to move over my body.  Once again I could see tears in the
corner of his eyes and he said, "I have waited a long time for this night!"

     He turned me around so that my back was to his chest.  Hie arms went
around my waist and began to rub my hairy chest.  I could feel the hardness
of his dripping cock as it pushed against the mounds of my ass with his
every move.  He walked me over to the bed and pushed my gently down on all
fours.  I felt the smooth hands of my buddy and friend as he began to
massage my back.  His hands went down deep into the small of my back.  His
touch was driving me crazy!  Then, with no warning, I felt his hand spread
the cheeks of my ass.  For a moment he was still, I wasn't sure if he knew
what to do or not at that point, but I soon found out.  I felt a warm, wet,
thick, mushy thing push it's way into my dry ass.  He was eating me out!  I
pushed back against his head wanting to give the best access possible to my
sweet hole.  He licked and suck like a pro!  My hips were squirming and
grinding against his face wanting more and more of his tongue inside of me.
He licked my legs all the way down to my toes and then began licking on my
balls.  He grabbed them in his hand and tugged on them, just hard enough to
make me squirm.  He knew how to push every one of my buttons.  I fell over
onto my back and he covered my body with his.  He began to grind his hips
into mine as I felt his lips all over me.  He licked the hair on my chest
until it was slicked down with his saliva.  He sucked on my neck leaving
what I knew would be huge, red welts.  He roughly pulled on my balls
causing my cock to stand straight up.  I was so hot and horny by this time
that I was almost afraid I would shoot my load before we got to play some
more.

     He looked at me and quietly whispered, "I want to make love to you".
I told him that he could do anything that he wanted.  He wrapped his arms
tightly around me and said, "I don't want to fuck you, I want to make wild,
passionate love to you".  The look in his eyes told me that I could trust
him to do anything to me, I knew that he loved me.  He lifted my legs up
and placed them on his shoulders.  He used spit to lube up his hard cock
before placing the head against theopening of my hole.  He rubbed the head
of his cock against the opening , just teasing my hole with what he knew I
wanted so desperately.  Slowly, he pushed his cockhead into my ass.  I felt
pain momentarily and took a deep breath.  He stopped pushing and looked at
me with a questioning look on his face.  I pushed against him without
saying a word so he would know to keep going but to go slow.  Soon, I felt
the entire girth of his penis inside of me.  I felt so filled as our bodies
were joined together.  He began a steady rhythm as he filled up my hole.
His body was hot to the touch and soon his hair was dripping with
perspiration.  I watched him as he moved inside of me.  I looked deeply
into his eyes and listened to the rhythm of his breathing.  We were making
love, sweet, love.

     He pulled out of me, taking a moment to catch his breath.  I pushed
gently on him so he would turn over and lay on his back.  I spread my legs
and straddled his cock.  While I faced him, I slowly lowered myself onto
his engorged tool.  My ass opened easily this time and felt wonderful
filled with his meat.  I began to ride him, sliding my entire body up and
down on his cock.  I was able to see his face and still have access to his
smooth, sweet body.  His hips would meet each one of my thrusts as our
bodies smacked together through our sweaty love.

     Before long, he began to pant breathlessly.  "I am really getting
close", he said.  "Shoot it, baby, I want your cum inside of me", I told
him as I continued to ride him even harder, bouncing up and down on his
massive meat.  "Oh, FUCK!  I'm gonna shoot!!", he said.  I could feel his
seed shooting inside me.  Each spurt of his cum was accompanied by a gasp
from his mouth.  For one brief moment, our world stopped and was suspended
in time as our union was solidified with his load being given directly to
me.

     I sat still with his softening dick still a part of my insides.  He
looked at me and said, "You didn't cum".  I shook my head.  He gently
lifted me up off of him and rolled over on his stomach.  His exposed ass
was as beautiful as the rest of his wonderful body.  At first, I didn't
understand what he wanted.  Finally, he looked at me and said, "well...".
I said, "You mean...you mean that you want me to fuck you?"  "No way", he
said emphatically, "I want you to make love to me".  His voice was so sexy
and full of passion.  I laid done on the bed beside of him and curved my
body next to his.  From behind, I gently began to massage his hole to open
him up.  My cock was way past being ripe and ready to shoot so I knew that
I would cum fast once I was inside of him.  I was still dripping precum all
over so I was wet and ready to go.  I put the head of my dick against the
opening of his manhole.  I said, "relax, and it won't hurt so bad at
first".  He began to concentrate, and in one swift motion, my cock was
buried up his hole.  I was still for a moment as he got used to the feeling
of being filled up by another man.  He began to push his ass against me so
I knew that he was rearing to go.  I slowly moved in and out of him while I
held on to his body.  "I can't last long", I said, as I stuck my tongue
into his ear.  I reached down and began to jack his still hard cock with my
hand.  Simultaneously, we both shot our loads.  His second of the evening,
and my first.  He begged me to stay inside of him as long as possible and
when I finally did pull out, we continued to hold each other.

     The sun was coming up over the horizon and the bedroom shadows were
slowly receding.  I looked at Brian, sleeping soundly beside me, and saw
the cuts and bruises on his face that I had cause only a few hours earlier.
He must have sensed that I was staring at him because his eyes fluttered
open.  Even though I was terribly afraid of the answer I would receive, I
knew that I had to ask.  "Any regrets?"  He seemed lost in concentration
for a moment and then he shook his head in the affirmative.  My heart
sank...I was absolutely devastated.  Here I was in bed with a man I had
loved for years, we had just had the greatest sex I had ever experienced in
my life, and he had regrets!  He looked at me tenderly and smiled, "I
regret that it took my so many years to realize that the person I had been
looking for so diligently was right there beside me all of the time."

     Every once in a while, someone is lucky enough to find their soulmate.
That one special person who completes them in every way.  Every once in a
while, that person is right under your nose.  Maybe even sleeping in the
bunk across the dormroom.  Now we spend our nights in a big double bed, and
we both feel lucky, because we have found our soulmates.