Date: Mon, 29 Oct 2007 19:24:05 +0000 From: Steve Thomas <stevethomas535@hotmail.com> Subject: Dilemma for Tony 12 This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be all that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY! Cast of characters: Tony diMarco -- yeah -- I am he! (CA) Ben Hastings -- First love (Maui) Ben Fisk -- First sex (+4 years) Lucas diMarco -- my dad Wendy diMarco -- my mom. Joseph -- my Brother -- 17 Levi -- my brother - 15 Fred Stumpf -- 31 year old inactive member. Johnnie Weinberg -- LDS Missionary Ashton Staedler -- New friend Mike Hoffman -- Ashton's Half-Brother Geoff Redmond -- Mike's Friend Rollin James -- Hawaiian High diver & government translator Note: So ... sue me~! I couldn't stand it! No unfinished symphonies for me -- while I am still alive! From Ch. 11: We got dressed in nicer clothes than usual, but still not like the tourists. When we were ready to walk out the door, I saw it. Around his neck was the exact same pendant I had seen earlier. My mouth dropped, as I obviously ogled it. "You like it?" "Duh!" "Good! I got it for you!" he said as he unclasped the thong. "Why?" I said, protesting mildly, as he put it up around my neck. "Um - I forgot your birthday?" "You don't even know when my birthday is!" I said, starting to unclasp it from my neck. "Wait! Tony -- I feel responsible for you getting hurt. I - " "That's ridiculous!" I said placing it in his hands. He closed it up in his hand and looked up to me. His eyes were glassy. "Please wear it. It would make me feel a lot better. I want you to feel good about me -- I mean -- if you don't feel this, I do. I feel like it was all my fault. It was stupid of me to - " He was holding the pendant out to me. I took it. "I'll take it if you'll shut up all this talk about fault. Tell me you got it for me because you like me, but - " "That's exactly why I got it for you. And I want you to like me back." "You can't buy my affection." I said, putting it around my neck and clasping it again. "I already like you! I feel bad because I didn't get you anything." "If you did, it would not be a gift. It would be a stupid exchange. If you got me something -- just because I did it first -- that would make both gifts trite and also it would be insulting. You have grown up in Hawaii. Do I have to give you lessons in the Aloha spirit? I know it's a hype thing here, but it's based on something beautiful. Just accept my gift as a very uninspired token of my - - like for you." "Thanks." I whispered, and kissed his lips. He came back on me carefully but passionately. "Thanks a lot!" I reiterated. We finished polishing ourselves and left our room for dinner at the top of the Sheraton, across the street. Chapter 12 "Ahh!" Said the waiter as he saw us walk in to the restaurant. "Freddie! How nice to see you! Your parents were in here just last month -- with some clients -- I think. But I have not seen you since - " The old Hawaiian restaurant host stopped and closed his eyes. "I don't think I've seen you since your missionary farewell what -- was it three years ago?" "It was over twelve years ago, George." Said Fred, stunned momentarily by a painful reminder. "This is my friend, Tony DiMarco. Tony, my cousin, George." I smiled widely and shook his hand. "What -- another cousin?" I said. "George is my dad's cousin from his mother's sister -- isn't that right, George?" Fred asked as if he wasn't quite sure. "Yes. 12 years?!! My how time flies when your - - OLD! Hahaha! You must have a pack of kids by now! How was that mission? Where was it you went?" Fred looked supremely embarrassed. "I -- uh -- my plans got detoured, George. I never went. And -- I'm afraid I don't have -- I mean -- I haven't gotten married yet -- er -- or -- well - " "It's fine, Fred, I didn't mean to put you on the spot." Said George, seeming to have a look of recognition -- or maybe remembrance -- on his face. "Do you and your -- um -- friend -- want a table by the window?" "Yes George," Fred said, seeming to regain his composure completely. "Something a little secluded, if possible." "I have the perfect table!" Said cousin George. As he led us to the table, Fred caught up to him. How is Aunt Lucy -- is she still alive, George?" Asked Fred, pushing me gently behind -- I got that he wanted to talk to his cousin. I lagged back a few feet and there was a quick exchange between them and when they arrived at the table -- a corner table looking down on the Royal Hawaiian on one side and Waikiki beach on the other. The moon was shimmering on the water, and the beach still looked white. "Thanks George!" Said Fred, as he slipped a bill into his hand. We sat, George assisting each of us in turn to our chairs. "My dad's Aunt Lucy -- that's George's mother -- is 98 years old. George is 80,himself." Said Fred. "Wow! 80 and still working -- as a restaurant host! He must be the oldest in his family -- she was only 18 when he was born!" "George has two older brothers, Tony. Both are going strong themselves." "Boy, you handled that -- um -- situation well, Fred!" I said. "I was embarrassed for you." "Yeah, it was a little dicey there for a moment. But what he said was true. I have not seen him since before my -- missionary farewell. He had no way to know. But - - he of all people understands." "Huh?" "He's gay, Tony. Back when he was young -- well, at least the Hawaiians didn't care about that. He has lived the last 50 years alone." "ALONE!!??" I said. "Why?" "He spends most of his time in the temple now. It's how he compensates for not being -- married -- I guess." "But -- did he ever - " "I don't think anyone -- alive -- knows the answer to that question. The fact that we all know he was -- er -- I mean is gay -- I guess means at some time he must have -- um -- had someone." "I guess." I mused. "So -- what do you see on the menu that entices you?" "The only thing enticing that I see is sitting next to me." I said. He looked deeply into my eyes. "Spoken like a veteran!" He said. "That sounds like a line I should have used." "You think it was only a line?" I said. I put a hand on his thigh and held his hand with the other. "I only said it because I -- well, I meant it. I'm looking forward to learning a few things from the pro!" "Tony," Said Fred, looking down. I could see that his face was red -- even in the dim light and with his bandages on his dark skin, "I think I told you -- I'm not all that experienced. Maybe more than you -- maybe - - not. "I -- didn't mean -- I mean -- well, - sorry, Fred, I'm blowing this romantic moment, aren't I?" Fred looked around. There were two large columns that quite literally hid us from the rest of the room. He leaned in and kissed me. "You haven't spoiled it in the least. I love your honesty and your straightforward way of communicating." He looked from eye to eye and kissed me again, this time I kissed him back, passionately. "Ahem!" We both opened our eyes. A beautiful Hawaiian woman -- maybe in her mid thirties -- stepped out from behind one of the columns. "Are you ready to order -- or do you need some more time?" Fred looked at me. I shrugged. "I -- I mean -- why don't you order for both of us?" I asked. "I don't know what's good." "It's all good, Haoli!" He laughed. "Bring us the coconut shrimp for starters and then we'll have the fillet mignon with mahi mahi -- no make that lobster tonight. Raspberry vinaigrette on the salad?" He looked at me and I nodded., "and I think I saw a lobster bisque." She nodded and left, returning soon with some hot bread and soft butter. As we ate our dinner, we watched the moon sink deeper, so there was a long shimmering light cast on the ocean. There were 2 swimmers down below us -- quite far our -- but still standing on the bottom. It looked like they were naked. I smiled and was gong to say something about it when he kissed me again. When our lips parted, we both looked down and the two lovers in the water were also kissing. I looked into his eyes and they looked dreamy. I saw love there and also something else -- maybe some hurt. But it passed as quickly as it appeared. He smiled. "Did you save room for dessert?" Said the waitress. Without asking me, he said, "No, not tonight, thanks." When she left, he said, "There is a better place for dessert, Tony -- after we let our dinner digest a little. Boy, we sure blew our prescribed diet from Sister James!" "We'll be better tomorrow." I chuckled. My head was not exactly hurting, but throbbing nonetheless. "How's your nose feel?" I asked. "It hurts. I'll live." He said matter-of-factly. "I'm not gonna let it ruin these excellent moments with you!" he said. I decided he was right. I wasn't gonna let this ruin my moment either. Then he said, "Oh! Are you hurting?" "Nope! I was only wondering how you were." I didn't lie -- I just didn't tell the whole truth. I tried to put it out of my mind. As we rode the elevator down, we made out like a couple of teenagers. Well, actually if I had teen kids, I'd hope they didn't make out quite like that! As we were walking out of the elevator, toward the entrance facing the beach, Fred said, "I'll bet I know what you're thinking." "What?" I asked. "That you want to go out to where we saw those two people earlier -- in front of the hotel." "How did you guess?" I lied. "We can have dessert after we swim." Said Fred. We went to our room and changed to our shorts. We both almost shyly watched the other change. "You - " "You - " We both laughed. "You first!" He said. "I was gonna say, You're so cute!" I laughed again. He looked suddenly more serious. "I was gonna say, You look so sexy!" He smiled. I felt burning in my cheeks. That also reminded me of the constant mild throbbing. But it didn't hurt -- much. We waded out about 25 yards. "I can't imagine that couple just waded in here naked. There are too many people on the beach and in the restaurant on the beach." "I'll show you how they did it." He said. "You'll notice that boats never come in this part of the water." He said. "I hadn't, but okay." I said. "There was an old pier out here, going in to the Royal Hawaiian. The pylons are still in the water." "Okay - ?" I said. We had gone another 25 yards when he said, "See?" In the dark, I would have missed it. About 10 yards further out was something jutting out from the water. As we got closer, I could see it was a cut off pylon -- just above the water. "This is where they took off their -- what's wrong?" He said to me. I hadn't even noticed, maybe because the water -- or rather the cool night breeze -- had made me kind of cold -- or something. One moment I was standing in chest high water, the next I was under it. I felt strong hands grab me and lift me up. I took a deep breath. I was under no longer than a few seconds. Why did I feel out of breath?" "Shit, Haoli!" He slapped me -- hard. I took a huge breath. My head reeled from the impact. "Omigod! I'm sorry, I forgot! Your head!" My head felt like a bobble head doll -- except I doubt they hurt quite this much. I smiled then grimaced. "What the - " I heard myself say. I shook my head and cried out. "Shh! Tony -- I don't know what -- I turned around for a moment and you were gone. You just slipped into the water. By the time I found you, you were turning blue and not breathing. You looked up at me, but still weren't breathing, so I -- slapped you. Oh no! Your nose is bleeding!" He said as he was wading back to the hotel. When we got about 25 yards from the shore, someone saw he was carrying me and shouted something out to us. Fred nodded and by the time we were out of the water, there was Fred's cousin Lonnie. "Let me take him Freddie!" He said. Fred gladly transferred my weight to his cousin. "Damn, Freddie, I was just about to leave. I don't even know what possessed me to walk out here first!" I looked at Fred and he couldn't talk. His eyes were full and he was holding gingerly on to his nose. "I'm so sorry, Tony," he mouthed to me. "I think someone called paramedics." Said Lonnie. "NO!" I said with more power than I realized I had. "No more hospital! Take me up to the room!" Lonnie looked at Fred. He nodded. Fred led the way up to the room. Lonnie lay me gently on the bed. I heard them talking as if out of a dream. I shook my head and again felt a searing pain across my face. "Uhhh!" I moaned. They both turned and Fred was on his knees -- next to me. "What -- what can we do, Tony? We should go to the hospital!" "NO!" I said again. Call sister James. She'll know what to do." I said, as clearly as if I wasn't feeling groggy at all. "Sister James? Yeah, this is -- yeah, I'm using Tony's phone -- your number was in it. Okay -- well, not -- I mean -- shit! Sorry, Sister James. I'm usually more -- um -- okay -- okay!" He gave me the phone, Hi." I said weakly. "Tony what happened? "I think I fainted in the water." I said plainly. "What?" She said louder. "Speak slower and -- try to concentrate, Tony." I thought I was perfectly clear. "I -- guess -- I -- fainted -- while we were swimming - - er -- I mean wading -- out to - " "So -- you were in the water -- where -- in a pool?" "Walky-walky" I heard myself say, but everything seemed to be fading. Fred took the phone from me. "We were wading out to the old pylons at Waikiki. Tony -- well, as he said -- fainted. Yes. Ok. Should we take him to -- oh! Okay! We'll be right there." "Go get my car, Lonnie!" said Fred. Lonnie ran from the room. I was vaguely aware of what was happening. Fred wrangled my wet shorts off me -- which even in my stupid state I could see was hard for him. I gave him no help. I was dead weight for him. He dressed me in some loose casual clothing and then packed my bags with the rest and just as he was finished packing his own, Lonnie tapped at the door. He opened it and wheeled in a wheelchair. "You are a life saver, Cuz!" They lifted me into the chair and pushed me out to the car. The top was down, so it was easy to get into. He started to put the top up. "NO!" I said. He looked at me and grinned -- and for the first time, I felt less intimidated. "You really like that word, don't you, Haoli?" "Wind -- feel good." I said, wondering as I said it why I was talking like a two year old. Then was when I noticed it. My right side felt numb. "Fed." I said. Fred seemed to ignore me. I knew I said "Fed" and not "Fred". I knew by now what was happening. I had to get his attention. "NO!" I yelled again. Fred pulled over and said, "What?" "Hop-ill" I said. "What?" Tony -- what are you saying?" He looked worried. I closed my eyes and concentrated. "Haw -- pit -- oh." "What?" He said, putting his ear to my mouth. "Haw -- spit -- oh." "Oh! No -- hospital! I'm not taking you there. We're going to sister - " "NO!" I said again. "Ngo - " I breathed. "N -- to" I breathed again. "Haw -- pit -- oh." By now I felt tears flowing down my face. "Sister -- um -- James -- Um -- he now wants to go the hospital!" Fred yelled into the phone while he drove. "Okay -- you meet us there." When we got there, I said to him, "N -- teh -- dem -- soak -- no -- um" Stwo -- um -- stoke -- no -- um - " "Wha -- at? A Stroke?" He asked. "Get him in here quickly!" Said the attendant at the ER. I was taken immediately to a cubicle and a doctor came and looked in my eyes. "Can you feel this?" I shook my head. "This?" He looked in to my eyes. I shook my head again. "I want immediate EKG's and -- who knows why his head is so bruised. This is old bruises. What - " Fred had calmed down by this time and told the doctor the whole story. "Why didn't he come in immediately?" "He refused." Said Fred. "So what changed your mind?" "He insisted. He seemed to figure it out himself -- that he had a stroke." "Shit!" Said the doc. "Everyone thinks they are a doctor! Why can't people just come in and let us do our job?! Why the hell does some fuck-head kid think - " I then saw the power of Fred. He put himself in the doc's face. "Shut the fuck up, you idiot! Can't you see you are causing more trauma in this patient?" I didn't even know that tears were coursing down my face. At his screams, the curtain flew open. "Ahh! Tony!" I tried in vain to turn my head. "That'll be all, Henson. I know this patient." Said the doctor who attended me when I was here a few days ago. Dr. Henson stood stubbornly by my gurney. "I said that will be all, DOCTOR!" Henson stalked out. "So -- it seems maybe we let you go a little too soon. What brought this on?" "I slapped him -- hard!" Said Fred. "You -- WHAT?!!" He said looking disbelieving at Fred. "NO!" I said, as loudly as ever. The doctor turned his attention back to me. I looked at Fred. "Teh hib ebbertim!" I said forcefully. The doc turned back to Fred, questioningly. "He said to tell you everything." "I know what he said. I'm used to interpreting these cases. What happened?" "<<Sigh!>> We were wading out to the pylons at Waikiki when he fainted and went under. I didn't see it at first because I was looking momentarily away. When I looked back, he was gone. I searched for about 30 seconds -- I think -- seemed like at least five minutes. When I found him and brought him up, he couldn't breath. He was looking at me but, Doc -- he wasn't breathing." "He was probably out of it enough that he didn't care about breathing." Said the doctor. "And -- it was probably closer to five minutes than you thought." Fred choked up and then croaked, "Then I slapped him -- hard. His neck seemed to snap away from me and then he -- he - " "He probably took a deep breath," The doctor said. "Yes -- but only after he -- got a sickening hurt look on his face." Fred turned away and started to choke. The doctor said quietly to me, "You're gonna be fine now. Don't you worry." He turned to Fred and put his hand on his shoulders. "You probably --well, no doubt about it. You DID save his life!" "But I slapped him too hard. I gave him the stroke!" "What do you think made him faint?" "Huh?" "Fred, he probably had already had the stroke. Was he feeling funny at all earlier? Maybe some painless throbbing - " "Omigod, yes! He said at dinner that his head was throbbing -- but with no pain!" "You didn't cause it. It was just ready to happen and -- probably the extra exertion of slogging through waist deep water put him mover the edge." "Doctor -- there's a Mrs. James out there that - " "Bring her in, Miss Fillery." He said to the nurse. Sister James came in and asked Fred, "What did you have for dinner?" Fred looked guiltily at me then answered her truthfully. She shook her head. "I guess I didn't threaten you enough. That was way too rich! You should not have gone in the water either. Either one of those may have not been enough to -- to -- but anyway, obviously you will follow my instructions better next time -- eh?" "She knows her stuff, guys. I only released you when I did because I knew that Mrs. James would take good care of you, Tony." "Wen cah I -- cah I go to Sitter Jay tonight?" I said. "No, you will stay longer this time. You obviously don't respect Mrs. James enough to follow her instructions." He looked at me and then at Fred. Fred looked down and bit his lip. "And you -- young man - " he said to me, "you now get to take the next 3 weeks off." "NO! Ah Cah't" I protested. "It's not even an option this time, Tony. Besides, don't you have to at least be able to talk to your customers?" "SIT!" I said. Feeling defeated. "I think he meant - " "I KNOW what he meant, Fred." Even I laughed at that. The doctor took Sister James aside for a moment. When he came back, he said, "After the EKG's and tests -- though I know in your case, they will probably fine -- in the morning -- if you behave yourself and drink that awful crap that she brought for you -- you can go to the James house." I smiled -- well, okay - half-smiled. I looked over at Fred. He was looking at the floor and -- looked dejected. "You can come too Fred -- if you like." Said Sister James. Fred perked up. "I know that Rollin will like to see you again before you go back." "And -- Tony?" Said the Doctor. "Hunh?" I uttered. "No shenanigans! No swimming, no running, no bike riding, and no - - sex!" I felt the left half my face get hot. I have to assume the other half was red too. I heard Sister James give a derisive chuckle. "Tony will be going to the lab for some tests right away. Did you bring your concoction with you, Mrs. James?" "I will send some back with Rollin." She said. Fred smirked. "You could stand to drink some too, Fred!" She said as she walked out. He pulled a face and stuck his tongue out at her, but she didn't see it. "Sister James!" Hollered Fred, running out the door. Fred turned to the doctor. "Do I -- I mean -- can I - " "Why don't you go with her and come back with -- Rollin -- later." It wasn't really a question. Fred ran to catch up with Sister James. I was not really confused. I knew what was going on. It was just hard for me to tell anyone. Well, that's not altogether true. These people seemed to be able to understand me pretty well. But -- I know I felt a slight, but definite twinge -- of something -- when Fred left to go to see Rollie. As the lab tech rolled me away, the doctor followed along for a bit. "You are not in serious danger -- as I see it. But -- Tony -- I want to warn you: You have to WANT to get better. Do you?" I looked at him and tried to act as retarded as I probably looked. He didn't buy it. "Tony, I know you understand me. Do you want to get well?" I sighed. "Ah -- sometahm ah -- jes' don' know." I felt a tear slip down my left cheek. "Think about that, Tony. You have to make it work for you. The tests all were easy enough on me. The tech would not tell me anything. The doctor had told me that it probably wasn't a problem, but -- I still couldn't help wondering. I thought about what he said -- a lot. If I don't take care of myself -- what is the logical next step? I probably wouldn't die. I'd just be a burden for my parents to care for -- for the rest of my life. NO! That's not what I want! Before I knew it, Fred was back -- with Rollie. Both came into my room and gave me a kiss -- on the lips. I smiled. Rollie went to my room door and closed it -- and backed up to it -- so no one could come in. Fred spread himself over me, putting his cheek next to my right cheek. He was supporting himself so that his whole weight was not on me. Then something wonderful happened. I felt a tear rolling down my right cheek. Feeling was coming back already. I didn't know if it was his tear or mine, but I pulled him closer and rubbed his back. Then it was obvious. He choked, and then sobbed. "I'm so sorry, Tony!" He wasn't too good at crying. His shoulders shook. "Sowwy?" I said. "Wha', fo saybin mah life? Yeh, well, mebbe Ah sh' be pih -- pih -- PISSED -- about tha'!" "Don't ever say that!" There was a loud thump on the door and a "What the - !". Fred sprang off me and Rollie moved away from the door. It was gingerly pushed in. "Sorry, ma'am." Said Rollie. "I guess I was standing in the wrong place." "It's okay." Said the cute girl. She looked familiar. "Tony? Tony DiMarco?" "Yeh." I said. "Cindy Selmer! You were two years ahead of me in high school. I came to your missionary farewell!" I was embarrassed. I couldn't remember ever seeing her. "Hi." I said. Then she got all embarrassed. "I'm supposed to give you a bath -- if you want one - - ?" "Ah -- um -- fanks. Ah pass." I said grinning. I felt both cheeks rise with the grin and I felt both get hot too. I put my hand out to Fred. He almost ran to me. He gave me his hand. I put it to my right cheek. I smiled and again felt a tear coursing down each cheek. "Ah kn feel it!" I said excitedly. Fred grinned at me and stroked my cheek. It only made it itch, but it was wonderful just to feel it! "I saw that everyone else has gotten a dinner tray," Cindy started, "But for some reason -- there's none for you. Maybe I can get you - " "Oh -- I have his dinner right here!" Said Rollie. "I know he was hoping I forgot!" He handed me a thermos, opening it as he gave it to me. I nearly gagged on the smell. The nurse looked amused, but both guys laughed. "Don't feel too bad, Tony. I had to eat mine before we came over!" "Ah lawk ta see dat!" I said and laughed. "What did you say?" Said Cindy. "Nuffin'!" I said, with a half-grin, and again blushing as I remembered Cindy was still in the room. Later on after the tests all showed that I was going to be fine and -- indeed, feeling was coming back by leaps and bounds, I was taken to the James' house. Fred was sad that he could not stay any longer. He was required at work. So as soon as I was settled in at the James', he ate one more dinner with us -- which for him and me were large mugs of the awful gruel - and reluctantly Fred caught the last commuter to Maui, with mutual promises that we'd hook up when I got back. As soon as we were in bed, Rollie on the top bunk and I on the bottom, he said, "Tony - - ?_ I thought he was going to go on, but he didn't. I finally said, "Huh?" He didn't say anything, but started to strum his ukulele and then singing a beautiful love song to me. His beautiful Hawaiian voice -- and falsetto -- melted my heart -- as if that were necessary in the first place! When he stopped, he said, "Tony -- I love you." "Fanks Wally -- me too." I said. "Tony, I don't mean like that. I LOVE you. I know that you don't really think that's possible -- or at least probable -- but I know what I feel. I want you -- for me -- only. But - " his voice cracked -- "I dunno, I guess you have made it plenty clear that you are not ready to settle down. But I had to tell you that." "Wally, I caw -- I caw -- I caw - " "It's okay, don't try to answer, Tony, it's too hard for you. Besides what I said wasn't a question -- it doesn't require an answer. I know it's silly of me but -- I guess I am telling you -- before we are ever together -- I want to break up. NO! I don't want to -- but -- I feel like -- I have to. Unless -- unless -- you want to um - " He hesitated again. I didn't know what to say and just as I was beginning to open my mouth, he continued, "You have told me -- more than once -- that you want to date lots of guys -- play the field. I know that -- or rather I think that you had something going with Fred, and -- am I right? Are there others that you still want to see? Those aren't really questions you need to answer. Just me thinking out loud. I guess I am just trying to -- ah -- er -- wanting to -- um -- give you a chance to -- um -- say you want to give me a try - - - or something." Well, as you know, I am easily touched -- more than easily it seems. But right at that point, what he said hit me hard. I was choked up so much that if I could have talked normally -- I doubt I would have been able. Rollie heard me almost choking - - try to stifle what I was feeling. He jumped down and sat on the bed, placing his hand on my chest. "Ah, Tony -- now I've gone and screwed it up again, haven't I? I don't want to make things worse for you, I just -- oh crap, why am I such a - - such a - " "NO!" I said -- being the only thing that I am good at blurting out. But it stopped his self debasing tirade. I then concentrated as hard as I've ever done in my life and slowly whispered to him, "Rollie -- I -- know -- what -- you -- are -- talking -- about. I -- too -- feel -- like -- I -- want -- someone -- in -- my -- life." Up close I saw more hope in his eyes that I was expecting, so what I said next came rather harshly. "I -- just -- know -- that -- I -- am -- too -- young -- right -- now - - - or at least think I am -- to -- to -- settle down with one guy. Rollie, I want so much to find just one guy to call my own and -- and -- Omigosh, Rollie! I am talking normally! How can this -- it's -- Omigosh! It feels like someone flipped a switch and I couldn't talk and now - - I can!!!" Sister James knocked. "Is everything okay in there? I didn't realize that in my excitement I had started to yell. "Come in, Sister James! Come in! I am okay! I'm healed!" She came in and turned on the light. I was clad only in my boxers -- as usual, and Rollie was in his jammers, top and bottoms. I jumped up and hugged Sister James and I pulled Rollie up and hugged them both. "Oh Sister James, I guess the soup worked! It worked!" I said. She extracted herself from us, smiling and for the first time looking somewhat embarrassed. "It wasn't the soup, Tony. It was time. The damage done by the stroke was small, and your youth and good general health probably facilitated a quick repair of the nerves and brain cells that were needed. "But Tony -- please don't make the same mistake twice. Your body is still healing and -- you still need to follow my diet closely. I have already sent your mother -- and Fred's too -- an email telling what you need. I know Fred's mother will comply, and I hope your mother does too. Your body is strong in some places but needs reinforcement in some important ways. You need to sleep now. And Tony -- you may still have some residual motor and speech impairment when you wake up. Don't be too alarmed." She left, closing the door and turning out the light. Then the door immediately opened again. "Was that a new song, Rollie? I don't remember hearing it." "Yes." He said quietly. "I just wrote it -- yesterday." "You must be very special to Rollie, Tony. He has never written a song for anyone before. Good night, boys." "Good night Sister James." I said. I sat on the bed. Rollie had already sat. I took his hand in mine. I kissed it. That was really a special song. I didn't know - - " I stopped, not knowing what to say. He started to get up and stepped in the middle of my bed as if to launch himself up to the upper bunk. I pulled him back down. "Please -- no promises but -- can't you just sleep down here tonight?" I pleaded. He looked into my eyes for a long time before answering. "No -- no, I can't. It would be too hard." He pecked me on the cheek and lifted himself up to the bunk over mine. "G'night Tony. I - -I - - G.night." "G'night Rollie." I wanted to tell him I love him -- because I do. But I didn't want him to take it wrong. "See you in the morning." In the morning, Sister James had my "special drink" ready and a large Hawaiian breakfast with papaya, banana and mango. "Sorry Tony, but you still need to have this." She told me as she handed me the thick, hot liquid. "If it makes you feel better, there is papaya, banana and mango in your's too." I spent the day with Rollie after his mother went to work. It was mid week, but it was his day off. My face was still striped form the last time I sunned in his back yard. Rollie carefully put sunscreen on the darker parts of my face and I sat in the sun for about an hour, watching him practice his diving, then he told me to sit in the shade the rest of the time. He was wearing his mini-bikini Speedo, which of course had it's affect on me, easily seen through my surfer shorts. I saw him looking once or twice and smirking. He never had such a reaction. He was too focused on his diving technique. When he finished, I was pretty sweaty from sitting out so we both hit the shower together. Because of the conversation the night before, I was reticent to do anything, and he was his normal shy self. We showered and dried off together, then went to his bedroom to dress. We dropped our towels at the same time and it was as if something besides ourselves pushed us together. With neither seeming to initiate anything, we kissed each other deeply and before we knew what was happening, we were lying on the bed making out like a couple of teens, our hands all over each others' bodies. I went down on him. His hips started to rock gently, then he pulled out and said, "No. We can't. I can't. I'll wait for you to find out whatever you are looking for, but -- I won't make any promises. I'm just not interested in anyone else -- at the moment and I am not in love with anyone else," he said, not reminding me of the obvious -- that he does love me. I flew home to a very relieved mother and dad, feeling - - that somehow - - maybe - - I had lost something important. Notes. Well, it feels good to write again. I hope you have enjoyed reading this chapter. Tony is probably more confused than ever and his dilemma is not getting any easier. As ever before, comments are welcome. Chapters may not come as easily or as quickly, but they will come. Thanks and love, Steve, stevethomas535@hotmail.com