Date: Tue, 27 Nov 2007 18:49:20 +0000 From: Steve Thomas <stevethomas535@hotmail.com> Subject: Dilemma for Tony, Ch. 17 This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be all that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY! Cast of characters: Tony diMarco -- yeah -- I am he! (CA) Ben Hastings -- First love (Maui) Ben Fisk -- First sex (+4 years) Lucas diMarco -- my dad Wendy diMarco -- my mom. Joseph -- my Brother -- 17 Levi -- my brother - 15 Fred Stumpf -- 31 year old inactive member. Johnnie Weinberg -- LDS Missionary Ashton Staedler -- New friend Mike Hoffman -- Ashton's Half-Brother Geoff Redmond -- Mike's Friend Rollin James -- Hawaiian High diver & government translator Grandpa Antonio DiMarco Grandma Rose From Ch. 16: I went to the door. Standing, looking kind of sheepish and -- hopeful (?) was someone I never expected to show up at my Grampa's house. "Hey You!" I said, surprised, excited, happy and bewildered, all at once. "I -- hope this is okay." He said, smiling his cute smile. Behind him were a smallish suitcase and an obvious musical instrument case. I smiled and stepped aside to let him in. He walked in and looked around. "It's great to see you!" I said. "Funny thing -- I was just talking to Ben Fisk -- I don't think you know him -- telling him I came here to escape something and I seem to not be able to escape it -- or rather - " "I shouldn't have come! Mom told me exactly what you just said! You're trying to escape -- me! But I had to -- well, obviously I can't stay. I - " "NO!" I protested. "I didn't mean that - and I certainly didn't mean you!" "Oh, Hello!" Said Grampa walking in from the garage. Nana appeared again, from the hall. "Grampa -- Nana -- this is a friend of mine from Hawaii. He's - " "You seem to be getting lots of guests from Maui!" Said Nana. "You must have been - " "No, Rollie's not from Maui. He's from Honolulu. I said, grinning ear to ear. Chapter 17 Rollie obviously got that I was glad to see him. We both just stood there grinning at each other for a moment. "Well, Nana," said Grampa, "I think these boys want some time to get reacquainted." He tossed me the keys to his car. "Maybe you'd like to show your friend -- (um -- Rollie is it?) around a little, Eh, Tony?" "We'll expect both of you for dinner at 6:30!" Nana hollered as we went out the door. "Thanks Grampa!" I said, tossing the keys in the air and catching them again, in lieu of clicking my heels. I drove toward Long Beach. "Omigosh!" I exclaimed. "I can't believe you're sitting beside me here!" I reached out and took his hand. "I'm so happy!" "Well, that's a relief!" he said. "Mom told me that I would probably be disappointed. I was worried at first." "Your mom didn't want you to come?" "Oh, it wasn't that. She doesn't usually interfere with my decisions. She just wants what's best for me." "And she doesn't think I would fill that bill?" I said. "Actually she likes you and - - thinks you would be very good for me. But she's not sure how you might feel about that." I could tell that he was somewhat projecting his own impressions on to his mom. "I'm not even too sure how I feel about it, myself." I admitted. Rollie's face fell. I added. "I am so happy you came, Rollie. It's not that at all. I just don't want to -- I mean -- I hope you aren't -- um -- disappointed -- or something. I guess I'm a little puzzled about exactly why you came." "Um - " he started. "Look," I continued, "Obviously -- I mean I THINK -- that someone doesn't just travel this far -- unannounced -- unless he hopes or -- I mean - " "You're right, Tony. I came with some hopes. But no expectations. I -- just -- had to at least let you know -- how I feel. I think you are -- um -- right -- for me. I know you have a lot of guys that think the same thing." I pulled over and stopped the car. "I'm really glad you came -- Rollie -- and -- um -- I don't have a LOT of guys, but -- did you know that Fred came last week?' "Yeah, he told me he was. It's kind of why I decided to come. Tony, I've never felt like this about anyone before. I mean -- any one. This is all so new to me. I've always known that Fred was gay and we get along great. But -- he and I -- we never -- um -- felt this way about each other. I mean -- no! I'm not saying I think you feel the same about me -- but - " He was getting sadder and more frustrated as he spoke. "Rollie -- don't! I really think I feel about the same for you as -- you do for me. But how can I know. I feel it also for -- um -- others. But -- I mean -- When you came -- well before you came really -- I was interrupted in something I was doing on my computer. I was so confused, after Fred left -- in the feelings I have for him, and Ben, and of course you and - - for Manley." "Never heard about Manley." Said Rollie. "You spoke about a Ben -- didn't you come over here to -- find him?" "Huh?" I said, astounded. "Oh Hell no! Ben Fisk is the Elders Quorum President in Kahului. Ben Hastings is happily married -- I hope." "What? Is he -- I mean -- the Elder's president -- is he -- gay?" "Well, he's not the president now. He told his bishop about his -- well, he fell for one of the full time elders and -- this elder left his mission -- and - - stayed with Ben -- for awhile." "When you say he stayed with him -- you mean they were -- um -- living together -- like -- um -- boyfriends?" "It didn't start out that way. Johnnie -- Elder Weinberg -- told his mission prez he was gay. His mission prez freaked out and released his immediately. I think that was a bad decision. Johnnie never did anything. Only had the feelings -- you know? Anyway, When he was released, he had nowhere to stay, so I contacted Ben and asked if Johnnie could stay with him until he arranged a way to get home. Well, they hit it off." "And that was why Ben was released from his calling?" "No. That came before -- and I think maybe I was partially to blame for that too. Because of some things that he and I did -- that was when he went and told his bishop that he needed to be released." "Oh -- so he CHOSE to be released." "Yeah, and -- then -- when I couldn't commit to him, he decided to go back to church and -- then I threw Johnnie into his life." "So -- are they now - " "They were a couple - for awhile, until Johnnie got home sick and -- feeling guilty -- about what he was doing. Now Johnnie went home and Ben is again trying to go back to church." "You mean repenting?" I nodded. "How can you repent of something you have no control of?" "I know some people just decide to deny themselves and live a chaste life -- with no sex -- at all." "Yeah -- I know." He said, half forlorn. "I've given that some thought too, of course. I believe in the church -- in Joseph Smith and all, but -- well -- right now, it's not too practical, in my opinion." "Uh-huh. I've come to the same conclusion. Some of the beliefs are -- to me -- not based on -- truth. I've studied it a lot -- on my mission and since. I can't find anything in the scriptures that say that -- what we are feeling is bad." "Who's Manley?" "Huh?" "You mentioned a Manley." "Oh -- yeah. He's um -- someone I met here." "Oh." He said and considered that a moment. "So -- um -- you're seeing him -- um -- now?" "What? Him? Manley? No!" I said. "Well, not exclusively." "Oh. So -- you're seeing other guys here?" "Huh? No! He's the only -- oh! Well, I don't even know if you can call what we've done as `seeing each other'. We've only just met." "Oh. So -- you haven't slept -- I mean -- stayed over -- with him?" "No!" I said, not liking his questions. "In fact - " "Have you kissed him?" He saw my almost panicky look. "Oh, Tony, No! Never mind! That was a stupid question! That's none of my business. None of it was. I'm sorry to put you on the spot. I had no right! I'm just so -- I dunno -- I can't -- I mean - " I was angry for a moment, but quickly softened and now felt sorry for him. I put my hand over his mouth. He got a surprised look, then one of concern -- like he was very confused. I hoped that what I was to do next didn't confuse his even more. I kissed him. He resisted only for a moment, then closed his eyes and kissed me back. "That was nice Tony, but -- what does it mean?" I put my finger to my lips and said, "Shh. I don't know quite how to explain, so let's go home and look at my computer." He gave me a confused smile as if to say, "One of us is crazy here, and I don't think it's me!" We drove back to Grampa's house. I kissed his hand and then held it to my breast most of the way. When we got to Grampa's, I pulled him into my room, and my lap top was still sitting open on the desk. I touched the mouse and the screen came alive again: Do I like him? Yes. Is he nice? Yes. Is he well built? So so. Is he nice looking? Yes. Smart? Maybe. Is he sexy? YESSS! Romantic? Remains to be seen Do I want to know more? Yes. What else? I like him but -- do I think I would like him better than Fred -- or Rollie? He seems more stable than Rollie, but no more than Fred. He maybe isn't as romantic as Rollie. Do I need someone more stable -- since I am still young and obviously and easily horned up? Who do I look to for maximum protection? Fred Who do I think of when I am dreaming? Rollie usually Who do I wish was here now to help me sort this out? Dad! He stared at the screen. I wished I could have blanked some of it out. "You -- you -- dream of me?" He asked. "I do." I answered. "I'm unstable?" "No! Just maybe not as stable -- maybe just because of our age -- we aren't as stable as -- um -- some others." "Obviously you think Fred's more stable than I am." "Rollie -- please don't take offense. That's not why I showed this to you. It was a risk for me. Did you read the last question?" He looked at the screen. "Who do I wish was here now to help me sort this out? Dad!" He read. "No -- not that part. Just before that. I pointed to: Do I need someone more stable -- since I am still young and obviously and easily horned up?" I read. "Rollie -- obviously, you are much more stable than I am. But I'm not even sure stability's what I need right now. I was just comparing -- to try to see what I wanted or -- maybe -- needed." "You -- dream about me, huh?" He said smiling. So -- the "he" that you started out writing about -- is that -- um -- Manson?" "Manley -- yes." "And you said our age makes us maybe less stable. Does that mean like -- is he older -- like Fred?" "Older than Fred." I said, with a resultant raise of his eyebrows. "I told you -- I'm not sure that's what I need -- or want." "He's very sexy huh?" "Did I say that?" "You answered "YESSS!" to the question. Rollie was by now grinning. Is he playing with me? "So -- can I meet him?" "Huh?" I exclaimed. "Oh - I dunno!" "I'd like to at least size up my competition!" He said, still grinning. He IS playing with me. "Look, he's pretty new to this scene. He used to be married to a woman!" "Wow!" He said. "Listen, I don't think -- I mean he just called me for some advice and - " "Oh -- so it's not really romantic -- yet? So why - " My cell phone rang. I looked at the number. It was Manley! I couldn't hide my surprised expression. I started to put it back into my pocket. "That's him isn't it? I know it is!" Said Rollie. "You may as well answer it!" I pushed send and said, "Hi." I said, my voice catching a little. "Hi -- is this Tony?" "Yeah. Hi, Manley." "Look, I'm sorry to call so soon. I think I may have your appointment book -- or something -- here." I slapped my other rear pocket -- from my wallet. It was gone. "Yeah, it seems to be missing." "I'd be lost without mine! Do you need it? I can bring it by." "Naw -- I can come get it. I'm glad you found it. Where was it?" "In the park where we were talking -- on the ground under the bench." "Wow!" Okay -- well, I'll plan to come get it." "Now?" "Now? Oh -- no! I mean -- I have company from -- Hawaii." "Oh -- is Fred back?" "No -- it's another -- friend." "I'd love to meet him! Especially if he's anything like Fred." "He's not but -- he's -- Fred's diving partner." "Now I KNOW I'd like to meet him! I've even seen a picture of him!" "What? No way!" I said. "Yeah, the first night we met Fred, he showed me a picture of himself -- in a very -- almost nothing -- Speedo, and the other guy was in one that didn't show - - so much - - of him." "Yeah -- that'd be Rollie, all right. Look, I have to admit -- I've been telling Rollie about you. He wants to meet you too." "Maybe I can take you both out to dinner?" "No, my Nana is making that for us. How about we come over after dinner." "Oh! That'd be fine. I just thought maybe you wouldn't want to come up to -- but -- okay! About 7:30?" "8:30 would be better. We're not eating until 6:30." "Great! See you then!" We hung up. I turned to Rollie. "I guess you're gonna get your wish after all. He want's to meet you, too. He's seen your picture! Fred had one of both of you in Speedos." "Oh no! Geez! What a first impression! I don't measure up very well compared to Fred!" "I think he liked the fact that you were more -- um -- covered up." I said. Rollie just raised an eye brow. "Now I'm nervous! Does he know -- um -- that you and I -- I mean -- that - " "He doesn't know anything except that you're my friend." After dinner, we went to my bedroom to get ready. "Omigosh, Tony! I didn't really bring anything to -- what am I gonna wear?" "What you have on is fine!" I said. "Yeah right! Oh! Gosh! It really doesn't matter what I wear, does it? He'll just be seeing me in my Speedo anyway!" I smirked. "That can't be a bad thing!" I said. "Rollie -- you look great -- in or out of your clothes!" "Really? You think? Oh gosh, I'm so nervous. I thought I wanted to meet your other boyfriend. Now I'm not so - " "My WHAT??!!" Rollie -- he's NOT a boyfriend!" "Oh! But - - was I?" I didn't want to tell Rollie, but by coming over here to see me, I had almost made up my mind that he was - - but no, I just couldn't tell him -- yet. "You definitely ARE, Rollie." "Oh! Really? You see me that way? And not him? Not Manson?" "It's Manley -- no I don't see Manley that way." Rollie got a strange look on his face. Then he gave me an expectant grin. Or maybe a better word would be - - sexy! I put my hand behind his head and pulled him into a sweet kiss. "Oh yeah! I definitely see YOU that way!" He said. He looked like he was going to respond further, but I said, "Let's go!" When we got to Manley's, he opened the door and shoved the book out to me. I'll be right back!" he said not inviting us in. He stepped away from the door and it swung open, revealing a very cute, very young looking guy -- longish curly blond hair, clad only in boxer shorts. He nodded. I nodded back. "I'll be back later, Eric." Said Manley. "So you're not even gonna introduce me to your -- erm -- friends, Dad?" "Oh -- yeah." Um -- This is my son, Eric. Eric this is my friend, Tony. We won't be late, but don't wait up." Manley said. "Um -- there are two of them, Pop. Who's the other one?" Manley got a slightly defeated look. "What the hell!" he said, mostly to himself. "Come on in, Guys. I guess this is Rollie." "You guess?" Said Eric. Once inside, I said, "I didn't know you had a son, Manley." "Eric's my stepson." We still see each other. His mother -- doesn't like it." "She's a bitch!" Said Eric. "Pop has been more of a parent than either my mom or my real father!" He said bitterly. Then he grabbed Manley's arm and put his head on his shoulder. He looked up at Manley and said, "Where will you be going -- that I can't go, Pop?" He said with a pleading expression on his face. "If I stay here, Mom might find me before you get back." "Can't he go with whomever he wants?" Asked Rollie? "He'll be 18 next month. I never got around to adopting him, and now it's too late. I have no legal right." Said Manley. "Pop?" "Yeah, Eric?" "You looked like -- I mean when Tony first came to the door -- like you wanted to kiss him -- or maybe hug him. It's okay with me -- if you do." "Eric -- I didn't want to -- I mean in front of you, it didn't seem - " "Pop - I KNOW you're gay!" "Wha -- at?" "Don't worry -- I won't tell the bitch." "Don't call her that, Eric!" She - " "She doesn't even want me, Pop! She only keeps me to get even with you. She knows that I would go to you -- if she kicked me out. What I can't understand is why you still love her." Eric looked at Manley pleadingly. "I'm the only one that loved you -- at least for the last two years. And Pop -- I love you more than you know!" Then he turned red, did an about face and ran into another room. "Looks like I have something to deal with." Said Manley. Eric called his "Pop" from the other room. Eric went to him. They didn't even lower their voices. "I'm moving in here as soon as I'm 18, Pop -- that is if you want me." "Want you? Of course I want you, Eric!" "Pop -- I've always wanted you. Ever since I was 15 -- and you married Mom." "And you've had me, Sweetheart. I'll always love you." "I didn't have you like I wanted! Pop! I love you - - so much!" Then there was silence for about 30 seconds. Then in a much lowered voice, "Eric, I never knew you felt THAT way -- about me." I looked at Rollie. I think we both wished we were outside! "I never knew it was okay -- until recently when -- when - " "When what, Son?" "When the bitch told me you are gay. Since then I have dreamed about you every night, Pop!" "I'm gonna have to insist you stop calling her that!" Said Manley. "Why? You did plenty of times!" "Because she's not my mother." "And because you still love her!" Said Eric. "I hate you!" "No you don't, Rick. You love me. And what's more -- I love you -- more than I knew before today." "What -- what are you saying? Do you love me more than you love the -- I mean -- her?" "I'd do anything for you, Eric. I'd do anything to stay away from your mother." "I'd do anything for you, Pop. Can't I stay here tonight?" "You know I want you to. But -- it will be a non-issue in a month. Let's not give her any reason to mess anything up." "Pop -- I love you." "I love you too, Rick." "No -- I mean -- I really love you." Then there was silence for a moment. "Eric! Don't! We can't mrf - " "I want you, Pop. And I want more than just that! Do we have to wait -- for a month?" "Eric -- I -- never thought about you -- that way. And we have friends out there!" "It's okay. They're gay!" Said Eric. Both Rollie and I looked surprised at each other. Was it that obvious to him? "You say that as if you aren't." Said Manley. "Huh? Me? I'm not gay!" "Why do you want to stay with me -- tonight?" "Pop! It's not -- I mean -- that's not fair. You're my Pop! That's different!" "You think it's normal to want to sleep with your dad?" "Lot's of boys sleep with their dads. I used to all the time -- before he left. I slept with both of them. But I mostly cuddled with Dad. Then she drove him off. Now she drove you off. I don't see why I can't sleep with you!" "It may be perfectly normal -- I dunno -- for an 18 year old to sleep with his dad. But to do any more than sleep -- that wouldn't be normal. That IS what we're talking about -- right?" (No audible answer) "I'll take that for a yes. But not until you're 18, Sweetheart. Otherwise, you may have to visit me in prison. So -- do you want to go out with Tony and me -- and his friend?" "I'll pass. I couldn't face them. They've heard everything -- if they've been listening." "It's okay, kid!" I said loudly. "Sorry, it was impossible to not hear. But as you said -- we're gay anyway." They emerged from the bedroom. Both of them were red in the face. "Looks like I have a situation to deal with here before I can make any other commitments, Tony. You guys may as well sit down. Maybe we can discuss this with you -- and get your thoughts. It's all so new to me!" "Discuss?" I said. "Rick -- Eric, that it -- will be 18 next month. I'm sorry Tony -- I know that -- I mean - " he looked at Rollie. "It's okay. You can say anything. Rollie and I are very close." "Well, I may have given you the impression -- I mean by what we've done -- that - " "What we've done is shared a kiss. Now that's pretty intimate -- in a way -- but certainly not -- not - " "Right!" he said. "It was just a start -- an introduction of sorts -- for me -- into - - anyway, I just now figured out that I have deeper feelings for this boy of mine than -- than - " Manley looked at me, then at Rollie and then back to me. "Is it even okay to -- to -- be -- I mean to -- be attracted -- in this way -- to someone so much younger?" Both Manley and Eric were studying our faces carefully. I considered what I said next carefully. "I don't quite know -- what to tell you. I am not that much older than Eric. And yet I was considering the same things -- in the past few days. And so were you, Manley." Manley looked from me to Rollie, as if to ask his impressions. At first he looked bewildered, but as no one else said anything, he started, "I moved out when I was 16. There wasn't anything bad going on, but my dad died years earlier, and it was just -- time. I found a way to buy my own home -- in Honolulu -- and now my mother lives with me." "How old are you?" Asked Eric. "Not that much older than Tony. I'm not rich by any means, but we get by. But what I am getting to is this: Many 18 year olds -- maybe most -- would not even put up with what you have -- with your mom, Eric. They'd be out of there before now. The fact that you are still living with her tells me that you -- well, sorry -- you're not maybe as mature as most guys your age." Eric's face fell. "But maybe getting out would help you grow up." Eric brightened. "But it probably wouldn't help you much if you just moved from your mom to your dad. You need to be doing something to support yourself, Eric. Maybe then you could think about -- about -- doing something romantic -- with your -- I mean -- Manley." "But -- but -- I WANT my Pop!" Said Eric. "Well, your youth makes you very impatient. You need to look at that too. And there's maybe another thing. As long as you think of him as your Pop -- your dad -- I'm not too sure that's healthy. I dunno -- maybe it's perfectly okay -- I don't want to insert my prejudices on you. It wouldn't be for me. And for the record -- it would be to my advantage -- if you did move in with your dad!" "Huh?" Said Eric. "As it stands now, your dad is competition for me. I can't compete with a guy that old -- if that's what Tony wants or - - needs." Rollie looked at me. At first I felt completely off balance by what he said. Then all of a sudden -- it made sense. I don't need another dad! I just need -- want -- someone older -- more stable -- to -- to -- maybe teach me to -- to -- grow up? Maybe - - The way Eric and Manley were looking at each other, I knew that in a month they would be living together -- and -- whatever else that means -- for them. I could probably put a monkey wrench in that by trying to -- to -- get Manley's attention. But I decided then and there - that's not what I want. I pulled myself closer to Rollie, put my arm around his waist, and said, "I think this is the guy I want -- at this moment." I was surprised -- and a little disappointed -- that Rollie didn't react more. He just smiled. Then Manley said, "I think maybe something important just happened -- maybe a couple of things. Let's all go out and celebrate -- to the ice cream store at the mall!" When we were at last alone in my grandpa's car -- after we dropped off Manley and Eric -- Rollie slid over close to me -- there was no console in the big Buick -- and lay his head on my shoulder. "You looked disappointed -- or something, earlier, when you -- well -- seemingly chose me over -- over -- Manley. Believe me, I was doing cartwheels in my head -- and -- heart. I just don't like showing those kinds of emotions -- to people I'm not that close with." I pulled the car over and looked deeply into Rollie's eyes. "I'm glad you are more mature than I am, Rol. I hope you can put up with my youthful impatience!" I smiled and he kissed me sweetly. When we walked back in to Grampa's house, Grampa and Nana were watching some news, and Grampa looked up at us. Just seeing our face, he said, "You're going back -- aren't you, Tony." I just looked at Rollie and grinned. "Well, goodnight Antonio." Said Nana. "You two are sure you want to sleep in that little bed? It can get pretty uncomfortable with two in it." "Rosie," said my grampa, "I don't think that's going to be an issue for these two!" "I think I'd like a shower before bed." Said Rollie. "Me too. There are towels in there. You can use the blue ones. You first, then I'll go in." When Rollie came back with his towel wrapped around him, his black hair glistening and his face shining -- in more than one way -- I pecked him on the lips and went to take my own shower. When I got back, Rollie had turned on the table lamp next to the bed and turned off the overhead. He was sitting on the chair and as soon as I closed the door, he started to strum his uke. He played and sang my song to me again. When he was finished I had sweet tears in my eyes. "I was going to use that to get you, but it was so much more poignant -- for me -- singing it just to show you how I love you!" We climbed into the bed together and kissed and cuddled for some time then went to sleep. Notes: Is Tony ready to settle down -- at least to one boyfriend? Is any 22-year-old? I guess we'll have to wait and see. Comments are always welcome ... to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com. Thanks and Love, Steve