Date: Thu, 31 Jan 2008 19:05:54 +0000
From: Steve Thomas <stevethomas535@hotmail.com>
Subject: Dilemma for Tony, Ch. 25

Dilemma for Tony This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's
feelings,beliefs, and in some cases, experience.  Come to think of it -- it
mightnot be all that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at
timesbetween men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat.  If
youare too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this
kindif story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here.  If not, -
-ENJOY!  Cast of characters: Tony diMarco -- yeah -- I am he!(CA) Ben
Hastings -- First love(Maui) Ben Fisk -- (+4 years)Lucas diMarco -- my
dadWendy diMarco -- my mom.Joseph -- my Brother -- 17Levi -- my brother -
15Fred Stumpf -- 31 year old inactive member.Johnnie Weinberg -- LDS
Missionary

Ashton Staedler -- New friend

Mike Hoffman -- Ashton's Half-Brother

Geoff Redmond -- Mike's Friend

Rollin James -- Hawaiian High diver & government translator (+2)

Grandpa Antonio DiMarco

Grandma Rose From Ch. 24:

"You almost made it."

I looked and there was Marty -- right beside me at the ceiling.  I stared
at him.

"You mean -- this isn't a dream?"

Chapter 25

"Dream?"  Said Marty.  "Sometimes it seems so."

Marty seemed to me at first like he wasn't all that bothered that he had
recently tried to kill me.  But then it occurred to me -- it didn't really
bother me that much either.

"Oh Crap!"  I said.  You mean I'm -- wait -- how can I be dead.  My body is
still breathing down there.

"Yeah, it's kinda like that.  You know like when you cut off the head of a
chicken and it keeps running around?"

I wondered what Marty was on about but I heard what seemed like a minor
disturbance down below.  I looked down and police had rushed into the room,
with my other brother, Joey.  I felt a huge surge of love for him and then
I saw Aaron again.  I was being drawn back to their presence from Marty.

"Don't go!"  said Marty.  I turned to see him reaching out to me when I
heard a shot.  I looked down and saw Walter fall to the ground.  "Man is he
gonna be disappointed."  Said Marty, shaking his head.  "He thinks he's
Jesus."

"Didn't you?"  I asked.

"Naw. It's weird now, but I thought what he was doing was cool in some
way."

"You!"  said a third person.  "I thought you were dead!"

"Been waiting for you, Walter."  Said Marty.  "Oh -- and - - I AM dead."

"WHAT?"  If you're dead then -- what the -- oh!  YOU!"  He noticed me
there.

"We have to go, Walter."

"Where?"  Asked Walter.

"They call it a prison -- I don't quite understand.  They let me come here
only to take you back with me."

"Wha -- WHAT??!  APrison??"

"Yeah, but it's not like any prison I've ever seen.  It's pretty nice and
everyone there is pretty nice too.  They seem to be mostly always teaching
everyone stuff.  C'mon, we gotta go."

They just seemed to float out of the room.  I got the idea I could follow
if I wanted, but I was more interested in what was happening down below.

What was strange to me was that I could see and hear everything, but seemed
to be detached somehow.  It seemed to be happening in slow motion and fast
forward all at once.  Joey was feeling my chest, and Aaron was crying.
Some paramedics came in and strapped me to a board, and hooked up breathing
apparatus -- and I guess some kind of heart monitor to me.  Whether or not
it regulated my heart I don't know.

What I do know is that I wasn't at all worried.  The paramedics pushed me
in to the ambulance and helped my brother's in beside me.  Away from the
place where I was taken by Chester, I seemed to be able to pay more
attention to what was going on.

I looked curiously at the red-stained bandaged on my temple.  There was no
such bandage on the other side, so I guess I knew that the bullet was still
inside my head.  As I was considering this, I was all the while aware of my
brothers' conversation:

"I should never have let him go to the bathroom by himself, Joe-Joe!"
Cried my little brother.

"Now that's just silly, Aaron!"  Said his 3-years-older brother.  You can't
be his constant companion, Bro!"  Joey's arm was around Aaron's shoulder.

"Is he still breathing?"  Asked Aaron, putting his face close to my mouth
and nose.

"He seems to be stable enough."  Said the young paramedic, whose attention
was split between my brothers' conversation and watching the monitors.
"His heart and his lungs seem to be strong.  He must be in pretty good
physical condition."

"He's a biker -- you know -- mountain bikes?"  Said Joey.  Do you have any
idea how deep the - "

"We won't know until we get to an ultrasound how deep or where the bullet
is, Kid.  I get that you are his brothers?"

"Yeah."

"How -- I mean -- how was it that you were there -- with the police? "

"I CALLED them."  Said Joey.  "Both Aaron here and I have been taught to
trail someone in Boy Scouts."  The police were close by when I called.

"Boy Scouts?  Are you LDS?  Aw, I know it's a stretch, but most guys I know
who are Boy Scouts -- hey!  Are you Eagle Scouts?"

"Yeah."  Both my brothers said proudly.

"Cool!  Me too."

"Um -- are you LDS?"  Asked Aaron shyly.

"Yeah.  But I kinda don't do it much any more.  Do you think you brother
wants a blessing?"

"I called my dad.  He's flying over from Maui and will be there probably
soon after we get to the hospital."

I was getting bored listening to them chat as if I was not in the vehicle
with them.  So -- I left.  It was almost like I only had to think of Rollie
and I was at his work.

"Rollie!"  I tried to say, forgetting that he couldn't see me.  He shook
his head and looked around.

"Omigosh!"  Said Rollie.

"What?" Said his co-worker.

"I just got a sharp pain deep in my head and I thought -- but -- no it
couldn't be."

"Hey, man - you've had a hard day what with your friend getting abducted --
again.  Why did you even come in?"

"I couldn't stand being home alone any longer.  I practiced diving and swam
laps until I was dizzy."

"You were home alone?"

"Well, not exactly alone.  My diving buddy and his -- partner -- were
there.  But I just needed to get away."

"Wow.  So, have you had enough by now?"

I -- think -- maybe."

"Then just go.  Nothin's happenin' here anyway."

"<<Sigh!>> yeah.  Guess you're right.  Oh, my phone!  Hello?  Yeah?
Joseph!  Uh-huh.  You did?!!  Great and -- what?  NOOOooo!  I'll be there
as soon as -- I'll -- be -- there!"

"He's been shot -- in the head!"  Said Rollie.  "I gotta go -- go -- go --
to the -- hospital!"  Rollie was crying now.

"Rollie stop!"  Said his friend.  "I'll take you to the hospital.  You
shouldn't be driving in that shape."  Rollie nodded.

Rollie called Fred and told him and they said they would be there too.

We pulled into the emergency entrance to the hospital.  They rushed my
unconscious body in to the room that I am all too familiar with.  Mom and
Dad were not there yet, and they would not allow anyone else in the room
with the doctors and nurses.  They did an ultrasound.

"Well, buddy," Said the doctor -- the same one who helped me before, "You
seem to have a penchant for being in the wrong place at the wrong time
doncha?"

I noticed something interesting.  I actually noticed it before, but could
not put into thought what it was.  I could feel what the doctor was
feeling.  I felt it with Aaron and Joey and also with Marty and Walter.
With Marty I felt ambivalence.  With Walter, he felt confused.  I really
think he even deluded himself into thinking he was something special.  The
doctor -- it made me feel like crying.  As he talked to me, thinking I
could not hear, I guess, I felt such deep compassion and -- love -- for me.

"The bullet is lodged between the brain and the optic nerve."  Said the
doc.

"Oh that poor kid!"  said the nurse.

"We'll need to take him upstairs.  I want the chief's input on this one."

Again my mind (hm!  I wondered if a spirit has a mind?) wandered.  I felt
myself pulled to the waiting room.

"Your -- friend -- has been taken upstairs to the main surgery unit.  The
two doctors operating are our best."  The nurse was explaining to Rollie
and the others.  "You may go up there to wait if you like.  It's a lot
quieter than down here.

She told them how to get to the main surgery waiting room.  I floated back
to my body.  A male nurse was shaving my head.  When he was finished, the
two doctors came in, dressed in scrubs.

"Oh!  Did I tell you that I was naked?  No, not my physical body.  But my
spirit was naked.  As were Marty and Walter.  Our spiritual bodies looked
like our more physical bodies -- except better.  I said "more" physical
because these were physical too, but much finer -- or something.

I decidedly didn't want to watch the doctors cutting into my brain, so I
left again.  I went to the waiting room.  Mom and Dad had arrived.  She was
of course crying and that got Aaron going again.  Joey was holding Aaron
and Dad was holding Mom.  Fred was holding Rollie and - - Ben was sitting
all alone.  I went close to Rollie.  He was feeling very bad.  He was sad,
but was relieved that Fred was there to help him through this.

Fred also felt badly.  I could almost see love as it poured forth to
Rollie.  It was like an iridescent gas.  I didn't know that he could feel
that much love -- pass it to Rollie and still retain it within himself.

I turned again to Ben.  No one was with him -- or even noticed him, sitting
alone.  His head were propped on his hands, that were in turn propped up by
his elbows on his knees.  There was a dark spot on the floor, where his
tears were dropping.  I felt like energy was leaving me and something
almost tangible went from me into him.  He moved and sat back against the
chair cushion, his head and neck flung back onto the cushion.  He smiled
and the tears kept coming.  I knew he could feel my energy -- though he
didn't know what it was.

Here was the first thing that bothered me: I felt more emotion and empathy
from Ben than any of the others -- including Rollie.  Maybe that was
because he was alone and his feelings were more intense.  I saw his mouth
moving.  I couldn't hear what he was saying.  I assumed he was praying.  I
got closer and let me spirit get very still.

"Oh -- I know it's silly," He said, "But I feel like you are right here
with me -- well, maybe us -- Tony.  If you are, I wish you would go back to
your body!  God, I love you, Tony!"

He leaned forward into his hands again and the tears started to stain the
floor again.

I went back to my family and they were just staring mostly.  Waiting for
word from the doctor, drained emotionally.  I glanced over to Rollie and he
and Fred were both asleep -- Rollie's head on Fred's chest and Fred's cheek
resting on Rollie's head.

The doctor appeared.

"Mr. and Mrs. diMarco?"

Mom and dad quickly followed the doctor into a secluded hall.  Mom started
to cry, at the look on the doctor's face.  The doctor looked down first
then into my mother's face.  "We were able to remove the bullet with no
obvious trauma to his brain or the optic nerve."  Mom almost collapsed when
he said that.  Dad held her up.

"But I'm afraid I don't have very good news."  Continued the doctor.  "He
is breathing fine -- on the ventilator.  And the heart machine is still
operable.  Whether he could be self sustaining without these machines is
questionable."

He waited a moment to let that sink in.

"But the most disappointing thing is his brain activity."  He waited until
they were both looking at him.  "Mr. and Mrs. diMarco, there is negligible
brain activity."

"What does that mean, Doctor?"  Mom said.

"Well, even in a coma most people have some brain activity."

"Oh no!"

"He may or may not be life sustainable if let alone to support himself.  Do
you have any feelings about keeping him alive artificially?"

As soon as I heard this I felt like running, but rather shot like a rubber
band though the walls and into my body.  The monitor next to me started to
go crazy. I came back to where my parents and the doctor were.  A nurse
poked her head out of a door.  "Doctor -- there seems to all of a sudden be
brain activity. And -- he sat up!"

"He sat up?!!"  Said the doctor.  "What the - - did he say anything?"

"He only sat up and looked at me -- scared the hell outa me -- sorry folks
- and then lay back down.  That's when I saw the brain scan monitor going
crazy."

"Do I have to tell you that we want him kept alive for -- for -- the time
being?"  My dad said.

"I'd not have it any other way."  He said .  "There is new hope!"

"Um - " my dad started.  "Can one of you boys help me give Tony a
blessing?"

I felt so many conflicting feelings coming from my friends!  I guess
because I felt so connected to each of them.  I could not hear what they
were thinking but the feelings were unmistakable.  Rollie was feeling
sorrow and guilt and regret.  He had never received the priesthood to be
able to assist with a blessing.

Fred was pretty much the same -- except he had received it and then was
excommunicated when he messed up right before he was to leave for his
mission.

I again could not hear any of their thoughts, but I could read exactly what
was going on in Ben's head.  I could feel his emotions and feelings.  He
had the regret also, as Fred did, that he was probably not honoring his
priesthood.  He looked very confused -- or maybe it was torn -- as to what
to do or say.  I could only project my own feelings to be able to guess
what his thoughts might have been.

Having been on a mission myself and having given many blessings, I would
feel qualified in that way, but I would have questions as to my worthiness
-- having been involved with extra-marital sexual relationships.  I know
that the blessing would still be good -- but it may take something away
from me -- or more to the point, Ben -- if he participated in the blessing.

Ben bowed his head and said, "I can do it, Brother diMarco."  I felt relief
drain out of him, having made the hard decision.

The doctor led all of them to the room, and my dad asked Ben to anoint me
with the consecrated oil that he had brought for the ordinance.  I watched
as he dropped some oil on my head and then bowed his head and mixed tears
with the oil, as he called me by name and anointed me to be healed, based
on my own faith and those in the room.

Based on my faith ... he said.  Did he KNOW I was there listening?

My dad followed up, as the two of them placed trembling hands on my head
ever so gently.  My dad commanded me to receive the healing power that
Christ has for us, among other things, and closed in Jesus' name.

All looked at one another.  My eyes were the only dry ones in the room --
because -- obviously -- I had no body at the time to make tears!

I again felt an outpouring of emotion from all of the others in the room --
even the doctor was touched.  "Thank you sir."  Said Rollie.  I watched as
Mom was stroking my head.

"You are welcome to stay as long as you like.  I don't recommend it, as
these things usually take extended periods to resolve themselves in the
body -- even in the best of cases."

Mom and Dad and my brothers were all holding hands, not moving.  "Um --
we'll give you folks some space with your family."  Said Rollie, and he,
with Fred in tow, left the room, hand in hand.  They were followed by Ben,
and I felt a strong reluctance on his part - - to leave.

Rollie seemed well consoled with Fred.  I felt impressed to stay with Ben.
His arm crossed over his chest and his hand embraced his own shoulder, as
if he needed a hug.  I stood next to him and hugged him.  I felt his warmth
-- whether it was real or imaginary.  But I also felt his spirit seem to
relax while I did it.

"I -- probably should get back to work." Said Rollie.  "Do you have to go
too, Fred?"

"I can take some time off, Ralls.  I don't think I want you to be alone
right now.  I would appreciate just to collapse in bed awhile."

"I don't want to be alone!"  Said Rollie.  "How about you, Ben?  What do
you want to do?"

"You guys go ahead.  I want to just hang out for a bit.  I'll be back
later."  Said Ben.  Rollie and Fred left together.

I went back to the room that they put my body in and my family were still
standing, holding hands.  Mom said, "You boys must be awfully hungry."  She
turned to Dad.  "Lucas, why don't you take the boys somewhere to eat?  I'll
stay here with Tony.  I don't want him to be alone -- in case he wakes up
or - "

"He's not going to wake up this soon, Wendy."  Said Dad.  "The doctor said
- "

"I don't care what the doctor said.  Doctors don't know everything!  Just
take the boys to eat."

"I'll be glad to stay here with him, Mrs. diMarco.  You go with your
family."  Said Ben, walking into the room."

Mom looked dubious, but dad offered his hand and she demurred, as they
slowly walked out of the room.  Mom kept looking back as they walked toward
the elevator.  Ben watched them and as soon as they were on the elevator
and the door was shut, he came into my room and shut the door.

"I dunno of you can hear me Tony diMarco, but I have to tell you that I
didn't realize how much I loved you until your dad asked me to anoint you
and stand in on the blessing."

He pulled a chair up to my bed and laid his hand on mine.  "Tony, I wish we
could both get over our guilt and -- know for sure -- if what we are -- um
-- doing -- is okay.  Tony, I felt as if Jesus was in the room with me as I
anointed you and as your dad pronounced the blessing on you.  And the thing
that amazed me was -- while I was feeling that, I felt no condemnation
coming from him -- at all.  As your father said the prayer -- the blessing
-- I felt no condemnation.

"And Tony, if you can hear me, I hope you understand under what context I
say these things."

I assumed that he said that to justify what he had said about loving me,
but at the same time, I felt such a surge of love as I cannot describe it.
If he was trying to keep that from me, he didn't understand -- as I do now
-- the power of spirit-to-spirit communication.  I felt an emotion welling
up inside my spirit.  I looked as my body moved slightly and moaned as if
in answer to Ben's words.  Ben laid his head on my body's arm.  I felt
loved and - - my body sighed.

Feeling that my body was safe there with Ben, I thought about Rollie, and
was instantly with him.  He was on the phone.  "No- I'm coming in, Rog.
There's nothing I can do for him and I need to do something to keep me
busy."  Rollie was saying to his friend at work.

"No way, dude!  Just rest or -- are your other friends there? I know that
the three of you can find something constructive to do.  Maybe go give his
family a break.  I know that mothers don't like leaving son's alone in
cases like this."

"I -- guess. Well, thanks, Roger.  But tomorrow I'm coming in!"

He hung up the phone and almost collapsed on the couch next to Fred.  Fred
pulled Rollie's head over to his chest.  "Try to relax, Ralls.  His folks
will call if there's any change"

"I just feel so weak and -- impotent!"  Said Rollie, and he broke down.
Fred pulled him closer.



"Shhh -- it's gonna be okay.  I was sure I felt Tony in the room with us at
the hospital."  Said Fred.

"Well, - um -- he WAS in the room with us!"

"I don't mean his body.  I felt something else.  It was like -- well, you
know how some people think they can feel Jesus' presence?  I kind of doubt
that.  I believe he has more important work to do than attending each
person in a coma.  But what if -- what if -- if -- maybe Tony's spirit was
there watching us.  And if he was, maybe that's what I felt.  Maybe that's
what people feel."

"Um -- you felt that too?"  Sniffed Rollie.

"I think that could have been what I felt."

"Oh, whatever it was, I just want it to be over!"  Cried Rollie.  Fred
pulled Rollie completely on top of him and hugged him close.  Rollie
relaxed and let his body melt into Fred's.  I thought it was curious that I
didn't feel any jealousy -- at all.  After all, Fred and Rollie were just
good friends.  They had so much in common!  It's no wonder they feel
comfortable in that position.

I went back to the hospital.  I was kind of getting off on this instant
travel mode.  All I had to do was think about a place -- or person -- and I
was there.

My body was lying still again and my family were all there again.  I
wondered where Ben went.

Okay -- if this continues for any length of time, I'm gonna need to control
it - - somehow.  As soon as I thought about Ben, I was with him.  He was
walking out of the Hospital.  He looked directly at a cab that was passing,
but only started to walk.  I walked next to him.  I wished I could hear his
thoughts.  He sat on a bus stop bench.  He lowered his head and said
another prayer -- for me.

"I love this boy, heavenly Father -- whether that's good or bad -- I don't
know.  I only know it's so.  We have so much in common, and yet -- he
belongs to Rollie.  Help me to accept that fact.  Tony has never felt what
I feel for him.  Father I really do accept whatever is best but --
sometimes -- it's just hard.  Well, anyway -- I say this in Jesus' name --
amen."

I felt like a bit of a voyeur eavesdropping on his prayer.  But worse than
that, I felt badly that I could not return his love.  He got up and started
to walk some more.  Before I knew it, we were at Rollie's house.

Ben didn't knock, but walked in and saw Rollie, still on top of Fred on the
couch.  He didn't seem to mind.

"I'm going in to lie down for awhile." Said Ben.

I followed Ben to his room.  I was surprise to see that -- when he removed
his clothes, he was still wearing his temple garments.  I felt a deep
longing for my own.  He lay down on the bottom bed.  I lay down next to
him.  I went to get closer and didn't notice that I slipped right in line
with Ben's body.  I don't think I slipped in to it.  At least it didn't
feel like I thought it should.  But all of a sudden I seemed to feel him
thinking.

"Is that you Tony?"  He thought.

"Yes - - YES!  It's me!"  I said.

He didn't stir.  But again I heard or -- felt maybe -- his thought.  "Well,
anyway, it feels like you are here.  I think probably Fred will be sleeping
with Rollie again tonight.  Maybe you can stay here with me.  It feels warm
and -- I somehow feel loved."

I rolled over and was again beside him.  I could no longer feel his
thoughts.  But now he whispered.  "If you're here, Tony, I hope you'll
stay."

After a time, Fred came in and laid his hand on Ben's arm.  Ben looked up
and said, "You'r gonna sleep with Rollie again?"

"Yeah -- if that's okay with you.  You could join us -- if you wanted."

"I'll stay here.  Thanks anyway."

"Okay.  Thanks!  You're a pal!"

Just a pal?  What ever happened to "I love you".  I thought.

I followed Fred.  He went back to the couch and knelt down next to Rollie,
saying gently in his ear, "C'mon, Ralls.  I told Ben."  He took Rollie's
hand and pulled him up, and they went to the bedroom.  They undressed and
got into the bed together. Then Fred got up and locked the door.

"G'night my sweet Ralls."  Said Fred.  And Fred kissed Rollie's cheek.
Rollie turned to face Fred and kissed him on the mouth.  Fred kissed him
back, passionately.  "Rollie, I don't - "

"I need this Fred -- more than you can know."

I wanted to leave, but I could not.  I watched as they let one thing then
the next take control of them and they ended with Fred making love to
Rollie.  Again, I felt a mix of elation and guilt coming from them, as they
accomplished what Rollie and I still have not accomplished.  And I still
felt strangely disconnected from this action, and wondered what Ben might
think or feel.

Of course when I thought about Ben, I was with him.  He was sobbing
silently into his pillow.  I wondered if that was because I left him alone.
As soon as I lay next to him, he stopped.  I didn't like everyone feeling
such pain, (Well, maybe everyone except Fred and Rollie -- and I didn't
blame them).  But I thought about my family.  I felt like I was being
dragged away from Ben, so I concentrated on him.  I stayed.

I waited until he was well asleep and then thought about my mom, and was
immediately taken to her.  She was sleeping with my brothers in the waiting
room.  Dad was not there.  As soon as I noticed him missing, I was with him
-- next to my bed.  I was sleeping seemingly peacefully.

Dad was also sleeping.  They had brought in a special chair that made out
flat into a small bed.  With everyone asleep, I was the only one awake.  As
soon as I was aware of this, I was aware of something else.  There was
someone else in the room with me and dad.  Somehow -- though I never was
aware of this presence before, I just knew it was there all along.  I tuned
and looked and it was an old man.

"You've had a lot to consider, haven't you?"  He asked.

I -- I guess."  I said.

 In answer to my unasked question, he said, "I am your Great-grandfather
Giuseppe.  I was sent here to console you, but it seems that you don't much
need consolation."  I instinctively hugged him.

As we were both disembodied spirits, it was different than the feel of two
bodies.  And yet I could feel him more than I could anyone else -- with
bodies.  And his hug felt incredibly good.  Like it was something that I
could look forward to someday.

He was speaking Italian.  I never learned Italian!  Yet I could understand
him perfectly.

"You may come with me, if you wish."  Said Great-grandfather.

"Where to?"  I said.  "I may as well go somewhere.  Everyone here is
asleep."

"You misunderstand.  If you come with me, your corruptible body cannot
live."

I pointed at my body.  "You mean -- I will die?"

"You will never die.  If you come with me, you will never feel more alive."

"But I will miss my family and - - my friends."

"You will forget the pain easily."

"But -- they won't."

"That is true. If they understood, they wouldn't find it so hard.  Do you
want to come?"

"I -- oh!  Um -- Yes!"  I said.  Great-grandfather looked surprised.

"But I won't -- just yet.  Maybe in 40 or 50 years!"  I
smiled. Great-grandfather smiled his approval.

"That is all I'm allowed to offer.  I must go now."

"Wait!"  I pleaded.  "I have so many questions!  Do you know Jesus?  How
does he feel about - "

"I'm not allowed tell you more.  I want to but - "

And he was gone.  I felt a deep emptiness for a moment -- or maybe it was
longer.  I don't know.  What I do know is that I was drawn to my body and
it felt right.  I lay down in it and this time I felt like I was back to
stay.  I could hear the monitor clicking and buzzing.  Dad woke up and a
nurse came rushing in.

"Is everything okay in here."  She asked.  "His brain activity just soared,
and also his heart and lungs had elevated levels."

I tried to tell them. "Of course they are!  I'm back!"  but I couldn't move
my mouth or anything.  Then I noticed it.  Pain.  Intense pain.  More
intense than I've ever felt.  My head seemed to be in a constant silent
explosion.  I heard myself moan.

"Okay, that tells me he needs some of this."  I couldn't see anything any
more, but I heard Dad say, "Is that the pain meds?"

"Yes.  The doctor will be happy that he's needing it."

I waited long enough that my hopes of relief from this intense pain in my
head was dashed.  Then it started.  The pain was dulled somewhat. I heard
myself moan again.  After a time, I guessed my dad pushed the call button.
"Does he need some more med, Nurse?"  My dad asked.  Hr's moaning again.

"Not until the doctor get's here."

I wanted to sigh, but my body didn't seem to care what I wanted.  I can put
up with this pain, I decided.  Sometime, I think I fell asleep.  It was as
if everything that happened to me -- from the first shock of the bullet
into my brain to Great-grandfather disappearing -- went through my head
several times -- like a recurring dream.  Then he came again.  "All this
you may remember."  Then he left.

 I was still in pain, but at least it wasn't like it was before.  I felt
groggy.

"This is Dr. Walters.  Your doctor got a severe case of the flue --
probably from a patient.  We all have gotten flu shots, but they can't
cover all types.

What's happening with the patient?"  Asked Dr. Walters.

"He seems to be responding to pain at least.  This started early this
morning."  Said the nurse.

"Let me look at his chart."  He said and I heard pages being flipped.
"This is good news.  Well, just make him as comfortable as possible.  Keep
a close eye on the brain activity.  We don't want the meds to slow down his
metabolism or recovery."

I heard a door knock.  "What's going on?  Is there some change?"  I heard
my mother ask.

"The doctor says this is very positive.  He seems to feel pain now."

"Oh1 Just what a mother wants to hear!  Oh my poor baby!"  I immediately
felt the soothing warmth of my mother's hand on my forehead.  She was
stroking it, and I could tell, being careful about putting any pressure on
my bandages.

"You go take the boys to breakfast, Jacob.  I'll stay here. My boy needs
his mother when he's in pain -- even if he doesn't know it."

It grew silent.  I guessed that my dad left and my mom was here, alone with
me.  After a time, I heard another knock.  "Oh, Rollie!" said Mom.

"No, I'm Ben."  Came the voice that I didn't realize I was hoping to hear.
"How's Tony?"

"They say he's better.  He feels pain now."

"Oh -- wow!  Just what a mother wants to hear."  Said Ben.

"That's what I said."  Mom answered.  "But I guess his vital signs are all
better, so we have more hope than yesterday.  Would you like to sit with
him again?  I really need to find Jacob."

"No problem.  That's why I came."  Said Ben.

I heard Mom leave then she came back.  "He seems to like being stroked on
his head.  Be careful the bandaged area though."

"Okay, Sister diMarco.  I'll be gentle."

Mom left.  Ben started to stroke my head and at the same time put his hand
on my thigh.  I felt every touch, every sensation.  As he caressed my head,
he talked: "I have heard that some people in a coma can hear when you talk
to them."  He started.  As he talked about things that were going on, he
unconsciously began to also stroke my thigh.  I felt myself start to react
to this stimulation.  I was a little freaked out but could not do anything
about it.  This was when I learned how to escape.

"Oh!  Geez, Tony, I didn't mean to -- well, I guess at least some of my
communication is getting to you.  Or maybe you can't hear me at all and
your wood is just a physical reaction.  Sorry if it embarrassed you."

I loved that Ben was at least talking to me as if he thinks I hear him.  If
I could talk, I'd tell him to do more than rub my leg!  I felt guilty about
that.  I HAD to go somewhere else.  I thought about what Rollie might think
if he saw Ben stroking my leg and suddenly I was with Rollie.

Which may have been better if he had not been all wrapped up with Fred's
body.  I still found it strange that I wasn't particularly bothered by
that.  They were not doing anything more than cuddling at this time.  I
knew that Fred was trying to console Rollie.  Or at least assumed that.
Then Fred spoke.

"But Ralls -- you and I have so much in common!  I've never felt so close
to anyone in my life."

Then, as I grew more accustomed to the ambiance of the bedroom, I could
feel it again.  Or I should say -- them -- again.  I could feel their
emotions again.  Was I imagining the purple haze that surrounded Fred?  He
was feeling extremely passionate -- the kind of passionate that I knew.
The kind of passionate that goes away when the moment of passion is either
gone or -- satisfied.

Rollie's glow was more brown.  And I could feel passion about him too, but
it was mixed with confusion.  Just as I recognized Fred's lustful passion,
I felt Rollie's confusion and his desire to give in and succumb to the
passion.  "GO FOR IT, ROLLIE!!"  I screamed out, even shocking myself.  I
think I was initially hoping that I might have an excuse for what I had
done with Ben just before I came over here to Oahu.  But another part of me
was listening to Fred.  He was making good sense.  He and Rollie were SO
much alike and have much more in common than Rollie and I do.  And come to
think of it, I have much more in common with Ben.  If only we can get over
the guilt thing.  That's easier with Rollie - - because he doesn't mirror
it back to me.  When I screamed to him, he seemed to jump -- but almost
imperceptibly.  He at once relaxed and melted into Fred's body even more.
Now I felt like a voyeur!  I didn't feel like witnessing anything else.

"Ben!"  I thought and for the first time, I instantly transported myself,
on purpose -- back to the hospital room.  Ben was still there, still
talking to me.  I floated above my body for some time, and the monitors
next to me were like drones.  As I watched, I could not feel Ben's strokes.
I wanted that.  So I lay back down on my body and instantly everything that
Ben had said to me while I was gone -- came to me.  I guess my physical
brain was still gathering the info even though it was not quickened by my
spirit.  And the monitors started to beep and buzz.  A nurse came in to see
what was going on.

"Is everything okay in here?"  She asked.  "The monitors - "

"Yes, I heard them."  Said Ben.  "Maybe he was reacting to something I
said.  I have been talking to him."

"Well, whatever you are doing, keep it up.  He seems to be responding well
to it."

While in my body, laying with my eyes closed I could only guess that the
nurse left.  I thought as focused as I knew how -- "Ben!  Stroke my Dick!"

I felt Bens hand suddenly jerk away from my leg.  "That's ridiculous!"  He
said to himself.  "It can't be.  It must be that I want to so bad!"  He
said.

He was talking to himself, but it was aloud and -- I knew exactly what he
was talking about.  He never touched my leg again.  Part of me was
disappointed.  Another part of me was relieved.  But the strongest feeling
I had was one of love -- for Ben!  I wondered if I would remember all this
when I woke up.

Mom and Dad and both my brothers came into the room.  "We brought you some
dinner, dear.  All they had in the hospital cafeteria -- a cold turkey on
rye sandwich."

"Oh, Thank you Sister diMarco!  I LOVE turkey on rye!" said Ben.

"And thank you ever so much for taking such loving care of our boy while we
were out."

"Oh that was not any problem -- I DO love him."  He said then he said, "I
mean -- er -- that is -- I - "

"That's obvious.  I could see the way you were stroking his head when we
came in."  Said my mom.  "Oh my sweet Tony, will you please wake up?  Can
you?"  I felt her hand -- colder from being outside maybe -- on my
forehead.  "Do you even know who I am, my sweet Antonio?"

Notes: Well, at least Tony knows that he will eventually wake up.  It seems
that he has also learned some other things while he was "out", didn't he?
But will he remember them?  Comments as always are welcome -- to Steve at
stevethomas535@hotmail.com.  Thanks and -- love, Steve