Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2007 18:07:59 +0000 From: Steve Thomas <stevethomas535@hotmail.com> Subject: Dilemma for Tony, Ch. 3 This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be very pure either! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY! Cast of characters: Tony diMarco -- yeah -- I am he! (CA) Ben Hastings -- First love (Maui) Ben Fisk -- First sex (+4 years) Lucas diMarco -- my dad Wendy diMarco -- my mom. From Ch. 2: "Will you -- um -- think about -- seeing me?" Asked Ben. "I -- think I'll see you there." I said "I mean not at church. I want to see you - " He looked deep into my eyes. "I liked being here with you, Ben. I like you better than I did two weeks ago." I didn't tell him that I'd probably dream about him again. "If you want to see me -- other than at church -- I'd say -- lets take it as it goes." His big grin returned and put his hand on my arm. "I promise you, you'll like me better next week, Tony." And -- I was right. I DID dream about him -- and his! Chapter 3 "Ben, this is the most beautiful -- um -- tool -- I've ever seen." "I always thought it was kinda -- well -- too big." He answered. "It feels so -- good -- in my hand." I said, stroking it slowly up -- up -- up and then down -- down -- down. Just doing it felt like I was stroking myself! It was warm and smooth - silky -- and so -- long!" "Tony, I've dreamed about this for 10 years! But -- I'm afraid -- afraid it'll be too big -- for you -- for anyone." I stroked harder and faster, holding Ben's gaze in my own. It truly felt like I was stroking my own, as I slid so effortlessly up and down Ben's tool. Then it started. I felt it well up inside me, and then explode, as my boner popped and sprayed all over the inside of my underwear. I woke up and my hand was still stroking my -- less than Ben sized -- manhood. It seemed so real, I had to look to both sides of my bed to make sure he wasn't there. He wasn't! Waking up took no more than a split second, and I was still stroking -- still cumming, as I woke up. I kept up the pace until it was finished. I removed my sticky hand from inside my one piece underwear I liked to wear to bed. I licked it clean, and looked at the clock. 12:29 AM. Time for me to get up. (As if I wasn't "up" already!) My alarm went off. I slid down beside my bed to my knees. "Father, Please forgive me for -- for something I -- can't seem to control. Please forgive me for -- um -- well, not wanting to control it. I don't know if you made me this way, but please help me deal with it. You told Joseph that you didn't want us to eat meat, and still, everyone does. Is this like that? You gave Adam two commandments, one of which could not be obeyed without disobeying the other. Is this part of the test? Please bless me with safety as I drive and ride today. Please bless Mom and Dad and the kids with the same. "Father, I know that you love me -- it's what keeps me going. Please give me understanding. In the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, Amen." I start each day pretty much like that. Yes, I do feel a lot of guilt for parts of my life -- but doesn't everyone -- everyone at least who has a conscience? Maybe not. I know some people -- even guys on my Mission -- who would stop praying, thinking that they are not worthy to even approach God. I think that's what Satan wants us to think. So ... I keep praying. I carefully folded my sleeping garment and laid it under my pillow so that the crotch -- the wet part -- was actually toward the head of the bed, and NOT under the pillow. I had learned from years of experience -- that it would dry this way before morning. My mom always washes my clothing -- including my cum crusted sleeping garment. She changes it with my sheets about once a week. She's the only one that knows my dirty secret. But then most guys have wet dreams -- right? And she also knows that. We never talk about that -- but I know she knows. I quickly turned around in the shower to wash off the nights - - stuff. I only do this when I cum on myself -- which is almost every night. I got out and looked at my naked body in the mirror. I got in good shape while on my mission -- riding bikes everywhere. I was quite skinny before that, but on my mission, they fed me well, and I got more exercise than I ever did as a teen. I looked good! My hair was getting a little long -- too long for a missionary, but quite acceptable for a young adult in the church. It was black and very curly and before I combed it, it hung in loose curls down to my eyes, and over my ears slightly. This is one of the few things I like about getting up in the middle of the night. No one to bother me. Everyone else is asleep. Once in awhile one of my little brothers would wander in while I was in the bathroom -- to pee -- but we were never ashamed of our bodies. I was a little chagrinned when my little brother Levi walked in though, just because I WAS admiring myself. But he didn't know that. I still had my towel in my hand. I Dried off my arms, while he went to pee. "I hope I look that good when I get home from my mission." Whispered Levi. He finished his task and stopped by me. In the mirror it was easy to see that he's nearly as tall as I am. I call him my little brother, but Levi is 15 and may pass me up in height in a couple years. "I wish I got your curly hair, Tony. I bet the girls love to run their hands through it! Oh! That's right -- you're a fag aren't you?" He giggled and whacked my butt. You may think this was mean, but it wasn't. Unlike my dad, Levi and Joseph don't much care that I'm gay. We can joke about it -- which is what he was doing. He well knew not to do it in front of Mom or Dad. I grinned. "I bet I could get more girls than you!" I answered. "And they even know I'm queer!" Levi was the youngest but he developed about the same time as Joseph. He was Joseph's equal in every way. Luckily, Joseph doesn't mind. They are best friends. In a couple months, Levi will be 16 and old enough to date. Joseph -- who is 17, says he will take Levi on double dates with him. There is no doubt that both my brothers like girls -- and I am happy about that! If not, my dad may well blame me! "Maybe, but then what would you do with them? Go shopping?" This time he felt a solid, hard fist on his bicep -- which was still developing. "Ow! He said, still laughing. "SHhh!" I said. "Go back to bed, Lee. I'll see you later on today." "G'night bro. I love you." He said. That started while on my mission. I was allowed to call home only on Christmas and Mother's Day. But when I did, I spoke with everyone in the family -- and anyone else that might be at the house. We never said that among my brothers -- and I think my dad stopped saying it when I was baptized -- at eight years old. But we told each other "I love you" when I would call. I was out a year before my dad said it. I think he was shamed into it by my brothers. My dad didn't say it when I got back, but both my brothers and my sis always do now. I went to work as usual. But work wasn't quite usual. There were some newlyweds -- always are. But there was a young Hawaiian guy -- maybe about 22 -- with a very pretty girl. From her clothing I could tell -- we always can -- she was a tourist. It's a familiar scenario, but they don't often come bike riding. A young girl -- maybe on a grad trip or maybe with her parents -- meets and becomes fascinated with a Hawaiian dude. I doubted they were newlyweds. This guy looked like maybe he was mixed in heritage. Maybe only half Hawaiian. He looked kind of familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on why. I looked at the list of bikers. I didn't see a Hawaiian name. "Hi, I'm Tony." I said to the group when I had them all off the van at the base, while the bike trailer was being hooked up. "Please tell me your names." I said, starting of in the front row. When it got to the Hawaiian, he said, "Fred. And this is Amanda." "Newlyweds?" I asked. They both laughed. "No - - way!" said Fred. His smile touched something in me. "Omigosh!" Said Amanda, looking between Fred and me. Then I knew why he looked familiar. He looked a lot like -- me! We looked at each other and just started to laugh. But then there was not time to chat. We had to get the group their coffee and donuts -- and juice. That was before we drove them up to the crest of the volcano. Unlike the volcanoes on the Big Isle, (Hawaii) Haleakala is dead. The caldera looks like something from the moon. It is so much different from the surrounding land -- rich and green and lush. It is eerie and desolate looking. But in the early morning, with the sun rising over it, it's beautiful. And from the top you can see Mauna Loa volcano on the Big Isle, almost 100 miles away. At 10,000 feet altitude, the air is thin and clear. We arrived at the top at about 4:20 AM. We get there that time so that our clients can be first to the rim -- if they want pictures -- and they always do. There's always enough to do, while they are watching -- and photographing -- the Haleakala sunrise. But while the people are busy taking pictures is when there is time to pee, so I went to do that. The bathroom was empty except for one guy at a urinal. There were only three urinals and he was in the middle. I recognized his dark skin immediately. I stepped up next to him and commenced my duty there. The barricades between urinals made conversation more comfortable. You could not see anything -- even if you wanted to -- which of course I did! But it was still obvious that he was shaking himself off when I stepped up. "Hi!" He said, grinning at me. He looked like he smiled a lot. Up this close, he looked a little older -- maybe as old as Ben? "Hi." I returned the salute. "You're missing the sunrise." "So are you." He smiled. He was still shaking it. I couldn't see it but then he started to wring it out. "I see it all the time." I replied. "Yeah -- I've seen it a lot too. I made sure Amanda got a good spot and then left her to take her pictures -- and to pee." "Do you -- um -- know her well?" I asked "Not too well. I work at the Weston Ka'anapali Villas. I - " "You do??!" I exclaimed. "I stayed there last fall!" I said, as I gave my dick the usual 2 shakes and flipped it back into my pants. "Yeah -- that was before I went to work there. Anyway, Amanda's dad is kind of paying me to show her around." We stood there face to face, both of us animated in our conversation. "You're kidding me! A dad sets his daughter up with a native? Haha! How sweet is that!?" "It's not what you think. I'm like you, dude. And her dad saw it too." "Huh?" "Hey -- Amanda and I hit it off -- yes, but her dad saw that she'd be safe going around with a gay boy." "How -- how did you know that -- I mean -- what makes you think I'm gay?" He shook his head and laughed. "DUH!" He laughed again. I felt like a fool. "What's your name Dude - I mean besides Tony?" "I'm Tony diMarco." I said, still feeling stupid. "You?" "Me? You had the list! Haha!" "You know how to make a guy feel dumb! I know it's Fred. But I didn't see any Fred on the list -- nor any Hawaiian name." "Oh! Heh. Sorry. I think Amanda's dad registered us in his name. I'm Fred Stumpf." "Wow. German?" "Yeah, my dad is German. Mom is from the Marianas." "Oh! Not Hawaiian!" "Well, not technically. But her family has been here for generations." "You seem nicer than a lot of the natives." "Are you kidding? They hate me. A fuckin' halfbreed, they call me. That's worse than a Haoli. Where were you born?" "Here -- Kahului." I answered. "How did your family happen to move here?" Asked Fred. "My dad's work brought him here before I was born." "My dad was sent here for his mission. He baptized my mom's family." "Mission?" "Like I said, I'm like you!" He grinned widely. "What -- you're a Mormon? Wha -- I mean -- how did you know I was a - " "Dude! Your eternal smile!" "Oh! My garmies!" He could see under my work shirt that I was wearing my temple garments. "I -- er -- guess you went on a mission, huh?" Said Fred. "Yeah, Arizona Tucson Mission." "How'd that work out?" "Um -- fine -- um -- listen -- I need to get back to work." "Oh! Sorry. Maybe we can talk later - - ?" "Sure! See yah in a few minutes!" I said running to the van. "Where you been, diMarco?" Said my co-worker, Kevin, a very macho and very straight guy in his mid twenties. "Find another gay boy to play with in the head?" "Naw, Kev!" I said. "How could I be untrue to you? You give me everything I need!" The guys from the other companies all guffawed heartily. "Yeah, you'd like to suck my dick, wouldn't you?" he said, not quite as amused as his friends. "Promises, promises!" I said, "But I'll say this: You do kiss sweetly!" and I made a kissy sound. The other guys were cracking up. They all know I'm gay -- and don't care. I knew they were making fun of me, but that just rolls off my back. I am a Mormon, after all. We're used to it! I watched as Amanda shakily rode the clunky bike around the parking lot. She was definitely going in the front -- right behind me! Since Fred was an expert rider, he was delegated to bring up the rear. This didn't seem to bother either of them. I found myself wishing he was up front! I got a snapshot look at him before he put his helmet on. He didn't look THAT much like me, but there was a resemblance. We are both dark complected, with dark eyes (his are brown) and black hair. Fred is maybe an inch shorter than I -- and skinnier. He also has defined cheek bones that I don't. His lips were a dark brown, whereas mine are dark pink. Both of us have full lips. From that distance, he looked about my age or younger -- but I knew up close he was older. When we would stop at picture spot on the way down (It's a 35 mile ride -- all down hill) Fred helped by taking pictures of others. I always took one of him and Amanda. At one stop, I was about to give her camera back but he said, "Wait! One more!" He kissed her on the mouth, and she - - kissed him back like she wanted more! He seemed to fully enjoy it too. Then Fred said to Amanda, "You HAVE to send me a copy of that!" And he pecked her once again. He turned and grinned at me and winked. "Hey Amanda, shall we get a picture with our excellent guide?" He said. "Sure!" She said. Another of the riders took it. Fred put his hand around each of our waists. He pulled me in close and then ran his hand surreptitiously up to chest level after the picture was taken. "Thanks!" he said as he squeezed my side and chest. When we got to the lunch café, I told my Kevin I was gonna eat with Amanda and Fred. "OHhh! So Fred's the one!" He said. I gave him the finger! We hit the bathroom together and I stood at the toilet, so it was he that got the view this time. "Not bad!" he said. I looked and he was looking at it with one eye closed. When he was finished he started his shaking and wringing regimen, and I laughed. "What?" He laughed. "Don't forget a drop!" I said. "I just don't like to drip in my pants. I don't wear underwear." That was too much for me. I looked and sure enough, there was his thick, curly, black bush around his compact meat -- which he was still wringing out. My eyes were drawn up to his like a magnet. He was smirking. In the mean time, I didn't notice that I had quit pissing. When I realized it, I again shook twice and flipped it back into the fly. It was his turn to laugh. "Shut up!" I laughed. We exited the restroom laughing. He said, "So -- let's talk again some time." "Sounds good to me." "Where?" He asked. "How about Friday night -- after the Y.A. dance." "Wha -- at?" "Friday night -- at the stake center?" He got a half smirk -- half chagrinned look. "Dude, they won't even let me in the Young Adult dances. And -- I haven't been to church in ten years!" I went out on a limb. "So you stopped going to church at about 15?" I said. He whistled low. "Whew!" Tony, I was 21 the last time I was in church!" My mouth dropped open. "I know! I still get carded all the time." "But -- but -- you act so young!" I sputtered. "What would be the purpose of me acting old?" He said. "Don't get me wrong -- I wouldn't' choose to do the twenties over again!" "Thirty-one!" I said not quite as under my breath as I'd hoped. "Hey!" He said. Now it was my turn to look chagrinned. "It's okay, I can make allowances for immaturity!" He said deliberately. "Okay -- um -- why don't you come to the Kahului 4th ward on Sunday. It's my parents' ward." "Ew! Church? I gave it up a long time ago. I don't want to start something dangerous." "If it's been ten years you won't hardly know anyone! You weren't in the Kahului area anyway, were you?" "No, I was in Lahaina." "See?" I gloated. "You can come to church once. We meet at 9:00 AM, Sacrament meeting first." "SIGH! 4th Ward huh?" He gave me a dubious look. "Okay -- I might. But if I don't, call me -- and we can work out another time." He gave me a card with his phone numbers on it. Thursday night I got two calls. First from Suzanne -- again inviting me to her Sunday School class and she asked me to be prepared to talk a little about my feelings about 4th Nephi. That's how some get you to come to church. It's hard to refuse a request for help. I told her no. "I'm expecting someone to attend my home ward Sunday." "Oh -- still doing the ol' missionary thing huh? Good for you! Good luck!" After she called, I was musing why it is that I -- who try to take every opportunity to miss church sometimes; I -- who am going to church, wearing my white shirt and tie; I -- who am gay and often miserable because my church doesn't support the lifestyle I'd like to be living; why would I try to get someone else entrapped to it -- when they clearly have escaped it? I think it is some kind of compulsion. After Suzanne's call, I reached for my wallet to get his number and call Fred to tell him not to come, and that I would meet him somewhere else. My phone rang and it was Ben. "Dude! Don't you ever answer your phone?" "I turn it off when I'm at work. I only use it for emergencies." It was one of those emergencies that got me into my affair with Ben Hastings! "Well, I wanted to see if you were coming to the Y.A. Ward Sunday." "Um -- no, I - " "You working again?" "Sigh! No, there's -- um -- someone coming to my home ward -- maybe -- and I need to be here, just in case." "Oh! Okay! Well -- um -- maybe I can get someone to cover for me and come there too. Is it someone that I would like?" "Um -- no! I mean -- well -- maybe -- but - " "Say no more! I can tell -- you don't want them to meet your gay friend! Tony, I expect that from some people, but not you!" "No, Ben it's not like that -- not at all." "Well, okay -- whatever you say. For whatever reason, you don't want me there. I guess I'll catch you later." "Ben, Don't!" "No, really -- it's okay. We'll talk about it later. Gotta go, Dude." He said, and hung up. I got suddenly sick to my stomach. How do I get myself into these situations? I put my wallet back in my pocket, deciding I'd done enough damage for one day. Let Fred come to church. Maybe something good will come of that, at least. Sunday rolled around and I sat through Sacrament meeting, but he didn't show. I was all at once disappointed and relieved. I had just enough time to race across town to the Y.A. Ward. I was just in time for priesthood. "Tony!" Said Ben. "What - - ?" he shook his head in puzzlement. "I'll tell you -- later. Basically, he was a no-show. We should get to class, huh?" "Yeah -- okay. You look a little sick or -- something. Are you okay?" "Ben -- you're the only reason I came here at all." I heard myself saying. Ben's eyebrows arched up and he said, "Well! I guess we DO need to talk. How about we go back to the McDonalds?" After church was over, we both drove to the McDonalds. When we got there, I said, "I know it's stupid, but -- even though I am gay and have done things we couldn't begin discuss in church -- I still feel bad breaking the Sabbath." One of the tenets of our church is that we don't purchase anything -- or do anything that would cause someone else to work on Sunday. It's one of the Ten Commandment: Keep the Sabbath day holy. And it doesn't just say that. It has a long list of things not to do on the Sabbath -- one of which is causing anyone else to work or break the Sabbath. "That's cool." He said. "Can we just -- um -- go to your place and sit and talk?" "Sure we can, Tony. But I thought - " "Never mind -- it's okay!" I said. As he opened the door for me, he said, "Sorry about the mess!" It was a studio apartment and kind of a shabby one at that. He went over and smoothed the bed and sat on it and motioned me to a large overstuffed chair. "I'm kind of a slob." He said apologetically. "No problem -- I'd probably be the same if I lived on my own." It was a different smell than my home. But something about the smell was -- compelling to me. "Um -- so -- your friend never showed -- at your other ward?" "No. He -- that is -- I mean - " "Were you doing a little missionary work?" "Kind of, but -- not exactly." "Okay, so let's get to -- why you didn't want me there. No -- it's okay Tony -- I'm just curious more than anything." "It was a guy -- that I wanted to see -- again." "You -- what?" he was confused. "OHHHHhhh! You met a guy -- I mean a -- GUY guy! And you invited him to church - - why?" "Because it was safe." "Safe?" "You know! He wanted me to come to his place and - " "Oh! Yeah, we both know how you feel about going to guys' places -- don't we? Hey! I respect that! Really! As Elders Quorum President, I'd advise a guy not to be alone in a girl's place with her. Why should it be any different with - - us?" "Yeah -- something like that." I said. "And yet -- here we are." "What can I do for you -- as a friend -- as -- maybe an advisor - - ?" "Ben -- I -- I'm just -- not quite sure. I'm not yet over Ben -- Ben Hastings, you know? I thought going to his wedding would help put it behind me." Like Pavlov's dog -- I immediately felt at ease confiding in my Elders Quorum President. It is part of being a Mormon. We are all in positions of authority at times and all callings are temporary. Even Bishops are only called as such for less than 5 years. It is our obligation to keep sacred anything someone tells us in any official conference. This wasn't official, but I still reacted in that way- becoming at ease when he asked me what he could do to help. "Tony, I think you're lucky to have known love -- to know love -- at all. I feel cheated. I can tell that you have been through a lot. But you have memories -- that I only dream of dreaming about -- because I have never experienced that. What do you need, Tony?" "Right now -- I think -- I just -- need -- to be -- held. Does that make any sense?" "Well, even I can understand that. I need so much more than that, but it's a start." "But I don't want it to go any further than that -- right now -- Ben. I - " He beckoned me with his fingers. I almost fell into his embrace. At 6'-6" tall, my head fell comfortably on his chest. That smell! It was the same smell as his apartment -- only more pungent. I breathed more deeply and pulled it into my nose -- my being. I snuggled in closer, my hands on his lower back. He sensed my need and gently caressed my head. "Can we sit down?" I asked. "Sure thing!" "Is this too -- much -- for you, Ben? I don't want to stress you." "I -- um -- yeah, I like it. I think I can handle it." We half sat, half lay on the couch, I half laying on top of him. I knew this was maybe unfair to Ben -- but he said he could handle it. Because we were on the couch, I was further up on his body than while we stood. My face was in the crook of his neck. He caressed my head and face again. I snuggled closer and looked up appreciatively. I was going to say thank you, but my lips found his first. "I'm sorry, Tony -- but this is more stimulating than I realized." He moved to set his trapped boner free from its bind. I moved away from him.. "I'm sorry, Ben. This is unfair to you." I said. "I wasn't complaining." He said. "No, but -- I'm doing things that could lead you to want more than I can give you -- at this time." "We'll stop wherever you decide. I'm okay." He said soothingly. I came back to him and we kissed deeply. I crawled completely atop this goliath. He did nothing but let me. In this position, I fully felt the full length of his wood. Mine flexed of its own accord and was answered by Ben's. I kissed him again, and we both moaned quietly. It was obvious that he was equally in need as I. "Tony -- I'm enjoying this immensely -- but I don't want you to do something you'll hate both of us for later." He whispered to me, looking from eye to eye. "I know." I said, relaxing more into his embrace. "I really should go." I said without moving. "Yeah -- your right." He said. "But please know -- letting you go will be the hardest thing I've ever done. This just -- feels -- right." He almost purred. He then lifted me off him, smiling. He walked me to the door and grabbed his keys. I had almost forgotten that he drove us here. On the way home -- it was late afternoon -- he said, "Tony -- I know I'm not the only guy you are interested in. I'd love to -- date you. But I want you to -- eventually -- only be thinking of me -- when we are alone." "Ben, I wasn't - " "Okay, okay -- but if you were, it would have been okay. You gave me more this afternoon than I ever knew I wanted. See this other guy and if -- if -- well, get him out of your system if you have to. Or give yourself fully to him. That's what I'd want -- from you." He stopped in front of my house. "Please come in and meet my parents." I said. "Omigosh! He's asking me to meet his parents!" He said, feigning giddiness. "Oh stop!" I said. "They would like to meet you!" "Mom -- Dad -- this is Ben." Both of their eyes widened at that name, having never met Ben Hastings. "Ben Fisk. He's the Elders Quorum President in the Young Adult Ward." "Oh!" They both said. "Is that where you disappeared to this afternoon?" Mom said. "We were surprised not to find you home." Said Dad. I was embarrassed, but these are my parents! "They really care about me!" I said in jest. "How nice to meet you both!" said Ben, shaking both their hands warmly. "I'm very impressed with your son. He seems to have learned a lot on his mission." "He was also an excellent seminary student all through high school." Said my mom. "I met Ben years ago at my first stake scout campout." I said. "We haven't seen each other until a few weeks ago at the Young adult dance." "Yes, we really hit it off." Said Ben. My dad looked very pleased. "Well, I'm glad that you have met again and both seem to have hit it off again." Said Dad. Mom gave us an almost curious smile and nodded at what Dad said. "Look, Babe, I gotta go." Said Ben. I don't know if either of my parents caught that, but it took my breath away. "Uh -- yeah. Thanks for the ride." "Wouldn't you like to stay for dinner, Ben? Or is your mother expecting you?" "Oh, no thanks, Mrs. diMarco. And no, I live alone. I couldn't impose on your family." "Nonsense! It's settled then." Mom said with finality. "And the missionaries are coming over too -- that will be fun! Where did you serve your mission, Ben?" In our church sometimes it is assumed that any active youth has or will serve a mission. Ben looked embarrassed. "Well-- I -- uh -- was sort of uh -- inactive at that time. I recently came back." He stammered. "Oh, that's okay, dear. I'm sorry I am such a busy-body! Make yourself at home. We don't watch TV on Sunday, but there are magazines in the living room, or maybe you and Tony can just get better acquainted." She started walking toward the kitchen, then stopped and turned. "Oh! There was a young man looking for you at church this morning, Tony. A Hawaiian boy, I think. That's why we were surprised you weren't there. He said you had asked him to come." I suddenly felt feverish. Ben and I sat in the living room. "Oh -- my competition is a Hawaiian Boy huh? That's gonna be hard to compete with." He said quietly. "Uh -- he's only half Hawaiian - actually Mariana and -- half German. His name is Fred Stumpf." Ben's jaw dropped. "Omigosh! I know him! He used to go to my ward -- nine or ten years ago. Then he just stopped coming! I was about 14 or 15 -- about the same time I met you --I mean -- he was 5 or 6 years older than I. He must be -- well, he's no boy, that's for sure!" He looked stunned then added, "Omigod! Oops sorry. He must have stopped coming -- for the same reason I did! He was HOT!" he moved closer and asked, "Where did you meet him?" "Um -- he brought a girl -- to bike down Haleakala." I said. "Oh! Well! So much for my theory of why he stopped coming to church! So you -- you WEREN'T wanting to see him because of -- oh! Tony! I'm so -- sorry! I've been so stupid! I jumped to several conclusions at once! You really must think me an idiot!" I listened to him and my mind was going a mile a minute. I could just say nothing and let things be. That'd certainly be easier -- for me. "No -- he's gay." I said. "He was a paid escort for the girl -- paid by her Dad. The next day they were going for a helicopter ride." "Sweet! Well -- um - " "You were right on all counts!" I said, grinning. "So what's he look like now? I bet he's changed. He must be over 30!" "I don't know about the change -- I didn't know him back then. But he looks about your age." "Dang! I'd love to see him!" He grinned. He looked at me. I had an incredulous look on my face. This was more than weird. This is bizarre! "Oh, Tony! No! I have no interest in him. No worries there! I like younger guys!" Bing-Bong! The doorbell rang. "Open the doors for the Missionaries, please, Tony." Said my mom. "and go get your Father. He's in his bedroom studying. I went to the door. There stood the two missionaries that were serving in our ward for a couple months. Both were very trimmed and good looking -- as nearly all missionaries are. I invited them in. They said hello then saw Ben. "Hey, Brother Fisk!" "Hi Elders. So you also serve in this ward?" They nodded. "Elders Wyatt and Weinberg are in our ward too," said Ben. "Hey Tony!" Since I was still living at home, they allowed themselves to call me by my first name. "There was a guy there today that said he knew you. We talked to him for a few minutes, but he was in a pretty big hurry to leave. Fred I think is his name." Said Elder Wyatt. "Yeah, I invited him to Sacrament meeting - " "Kewl!" Said Elder Wyatt, and presented his fist for me to bump. I ignored it. " - but he didn't show, so I went to the Y.A.ward." "He was out in the foyer - that's where we saw him. We were interviewing someone and came late to church. They were serving the Sacrament and he was sitting out there." "Ooohhh!" said Ben. "What?" said Elder Weinberg. "Huh? Oh, nothing. We were just talking about Fred. He used to go to my ward when I was a teenager. Did he take the Sacrament?" "I dunno. I didn't realize he was a member." This stumped Ben. "Huh?" "He probably wasn't wearing the requisite white shirt and tie." I said. "Ohhh! Of course! And when he didn't take the Sacrament - " "I didn't say that," started Elder Wyatt, "That's probably why he didn't come into the chapel. He didn't want to be obvious not taking the Sacrament." "Look, I don't know - " tried Elder Wyatt again. "He's been inactive for ten years, Elder. I doubt if - " said Ben. "Yeah, yeah, I get it now. He seemed nice enough though -- other than being in a hurry. He peeked in the chapel. I guess he didn't see you, so he left." "C'mon guys!" complained Elder Weinberg. "I think were jumping to a lot of conclusions all at once! That's dangerous!" Ben looked at me. "That's for sure!" he said. ""Thanks for reminding us of that, Elder Smith!" "Dinner!" Mom announced. "Where's your father, Tony?" "Oh! Sorry! I'll get him. I got sidetracked talking to the Elders." Mom smiled forgivingly. I opened the door of Dad's room slowly and sure enough -- he was praying. I'd learned not to barge in when the door was shut. He finished his prayer. "dinner's ready?" I nodded. "Pork on the Sabbath!" Said Elder Weinberg. "That is so rad!" "Oh! I'm Sorry, Dear!" Said my mom. "Don't you like pork?" "Omigosh!" Exclaimed Elder Weinberg. "I LOVE it! But -- heh -- my parents are Jews and - " "Your parents are Jewish?!" My mom said. "Yes Wendy," my dad said sarcastically, "To use one of our kids expressions, `DUH!' You know -- Weinberg?" "Oh. A Jewish name. Haha. But you like pork?" "Yes, Sister diMarco, I love it. Sometimes I wonder if this is why I joined the church! KIDDING!" "Are your parents okay with you -- leaving their faith?" "No. They kicked me out and have disowned me." "Ohhhh!" My mom almost wailed. "They'll come around." My dad said. "Sometimes it takes someone else to get them to see reason -- like the Rabbi - ?" I felt hot around my ears -- and thankful for a forgiving -- if not understanding -- dad. "Elder Weinberg just came out last week. He's a greenie!" Said Elder Wyatt. "You guys going to the Y.A. Missionary Fireside tonight down in Lahaina? Mission President Wilson will be speaking." Said Elder Weinberg. "I hadn't planned on - " started Ben. "Because if you were, we were hoping to hitch a ride with someone." Said Elder Wyatt. "Then I'm going!" Said Ben. "You wanna come, Tony?" "I gotta work another early shift tomorrow. I better not." "Oh!" Said Ben, clearly disappointed. "But -- wait!" I called a co-worker and he agreed to trade with me. "I'm goin'!" "Sweet!" said Elder Wyatt. Ben drives a very old Nissan Z -- I think it was called a Datsun back then -- which actually has a back seat in it if you can call it that. When we got out to the car, Elder Wyatt called out, "I call shotgun!" "Oh great!" I said, "so you leave your companion with the gay guy!" I said. I didn't know if they knew -- or had guessed about me, but if not they'd take it as a joke. "It's okay, Tony. He's straight," joked Elder Wyatt. "I know, I've tried to grope him a couple times -- he doesn't respond positively!" "I think the two elders should sit in the back." Said Ben. "Any hanky panky that goes on in this car ain't gonna involve MY boyfriend!" "Unless you happen to grab his leg -- or something else - instead of the gear shift!" said Elder Wyatt laughing. But he opened the passenger door and held the seat for me and Elder Weinberg. We had to sit almost one on top of the other back there. As soon as we were on our way, Elder Wyatt looked back. "You guys are awfully cozy back there! Don't be horning in on my stuff, Tony!" My arm was around Elder Weinberg's shoulders and there truly was nowhere for his arm and hand -- other than hanging it in the air -- except on my leg. Elder Weinberg looked embarrassed. I said, Good thing we're such close friends, Elder!" and squeezed his shoulder. "Yeah." He said, still uncomfortable. He was trying not to lean too heavily on me. "Tony served in the Arizona Tucson Mission." Said Ben. "Oh, really?" Said Elder Weinberg. He let go a little and let himself relax into my arm and side. By the time we were in Lahaina and pulling into the parking lot of the church, he had gotten very comfortable, snuggled under my arm and his head resting on it, and his arm was between my legs. As the light of the parking lot shone into the car, he instantly moved to his former uncomfortable position further away from me. Elder Wyatt hopped out and held the door, pulling our Elder Weinberg. He saw me and I hadn't changed positions yet. "You okay, Tony?" "I think holding your companion made me a little stiff!" I said, trying to stretch my arm. "Elder Weinberg!" scolded Elder Wyatt. "You're not supposed to excite the members like that!" I gave him my hand. He pulled me out, and I couldn't help see him stare at my crotch -- wondering if he noticed it really wasn't only my arm that was stiff. He didn't say anything, but looked away and pulled me all the way out. After the fireside, I noticed that Elder Wyatt just climbed in the back of the car with his companion. It was a particularly spiritual fireside, so we were much quieter on the way home, maybe each of us feeling a little guilty about the "fun" we had on the way. We took the elders back to their car, and said good bye. They drove off -- a little late, but this was sanctioned by the President Wilson. That left me and Ben, standing in the almost pitch dark -- except for a few stars that were visible. "Do they know you're - " "I don't think so." I said. "Well, I better let you get in to bed." "Yeah. G'night." He kissed my mouth and I responded appropriately. "Part of me wishes I was coming to bed with you, Tony." "I know -- and I probably know which part too. Um -- me too -- part of me anyway." "Same part?" "No. this part is a little further inside me." I answered. We kissed once more and I said g'night again and went I the house. My drams were interesting. Notes: I have to tell you -- when Ben found out that Tony was trying to see another guy -- and didn't want him to meet the guy -- my heart sank. I sat unable to write for about 15 minutes, not knowing where to go with it. My stomach was upset over it! That was my answer. Tony's stomach became upset. His went away in about a page. Mine was upset all afternoon and evening. Comments are always welcome, to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com.