Date: Fri, 7 Mar 2008 17:28:22 +0000 From: Steve Thomas <stevethomas535@hotmail.com> Subject: Dilemma for Tony, Ch 30 Dilemma for Tony This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings,beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it mightnot be all that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at timesbetween men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If youare too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kindif story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - -ENJOY! Cast of characters: Tony diMarco -- yeah -- I am he! (CA) Ben Hastings -- First love (Maui) Ben Fisk -- (+4 years) Lucas diMarco -- my dad Wendy diMarco -- my mom. Joseph -- my Brother -- 17 Levi -- my brother - 15 Fred Stumpf -- 31 year old inactive member. Johnnie Weinberg -- LDS Missionary Rollin James -- Hawaiian High diver & government translator (+2) Grandpa Antonio DiMarco Grandma Rose From Ch. 29: "Ben, this is my friend, John Weinberg." Johnnie stepped forward and offered his hand in typical missionary fashion. "Please, call me Johnnie." They were practically inseparable the rest of the evening. When Ben left, he whispered in my ear, "Man, I have a passion for Mormon Missionaries -- I guess!" I laughed. And hugged him goodbye. Of course Johnnie walked him to his car. I wanted to go too -- but had to only guess what kind of goodbyes might be exchanged at Ben's car. My brothers told me that they went and watched from their darkened bedroom. "They stood with their arms around each other for about 15 minutes; it looked like they were not talking. But then they kissed -- on the lips -- and hugged closely before Ben got into his car and drove off. Johnnie stood and watched for at least five minutes after Ben had disappeared." Said Joe. Aaron added, "Then Johnnie almost skipped into the house." Chapter 30 "Johnnie?" I said, after knocking at his door. "Yes?" He said, maybe more serious than I expected -- because -- maybe -- I sounded too serious. "Can I come in for a moment?" "Sure." I walked to his bed and sat on the floor. "You can sit up here if you want." "This'll be good, thanks. Hey, it looked like you and my old pal hit it off pretty well tonight." "Who -- you mean Ben" "Yeah -- Ben Hastings. Johnnie, - um - I understand or rather assume -- that you and Ben Fisk didn't -- um -- well, I know it's kind of personal, but if Ben had done something -- shoot! This is not coming out right1" "You are wondering if Ben and I ever had sex -- I mean, all-the-way - - sex?" "That's not why I came in here. Ben hasn't told me that, but I kind of made some assumptions from -- well -- some of the other things we discussed." "We did." "Huh?" I said, sure I must have misunderstood. "Ben and me -- we went all the way." "Oh!" I said, and my tone of voice made it clear that what he just told me was more shocking to me than I expected. Actually it felt kind of knife-ish to my heart. After too long a silence, Johnnie said, "I guess that wasn't what you expected to hear. I didn't mean to give something away that -- well -- that might upset you -- or -- your relationship." "No -- it's okay -- really. I just made a wrong assumption." I shook my head to try to clear it. "Was there anything else?" After a long sigh, I said, "Well, apparently not. I was just going to kind of warn you about Ben -- Hastings. But maybe that point's moot now." "No -- what were you gonna say?" "Only that Ben may be pushing you for -- that kind -- of sex -- before you're ready. I'm not sure that I was ready when -- I mean my first time." I caught myself. But he saw through my cover. "Ben was your first -- too -- huh?" "You mean Ben Hastings?" I asked. He nodded. "Yeah. We were both pretty emotionally high at the time. I was hurting because my dad overreacted when I spent the night with Ben." "I KNOW that story!" "No, it's not the same as yours. My dad has relented -- and repented -- and rather quickly. Well obviously." "Yeah, he seems pretty laid back all right. You guys sleep together in there -- right?" I smiled. "Yeah -- we do. But for the record -- we haven't gone that far yet. Anyway, I feel sufficiently like an idiot now. I was just - " "No! It's okay. I'm glad you came in. I guess I'm kind of sorry that you had to find out about YOUR Ben in this way, but -- I'll take what you said and -- well -- maybe use it to both our advantages. Anything else?" "Um -- yeah -- Ben Hastings was married for six months or so before his partner -- died. So I am kind of assuming -- even though that got me in trouble already -- that he has had lots of -- um -- experience -- doing various -- um -- things." "That's great, because I have none -- well except what I told you." Said Johnnie. "We don't get much of that kind of experience up in Idaho, you know!" "I -- think -- I knew that." "But trust me, Tony -- I'm ready for almost anything -- now. "But I think I got your message now: Be careful because Ben may be in a state where he is extra horny -- and may want to fuck my brains out sooner than I am ready." "Er -- something like that." I said, surprised that this little guy from Idaho came up with that language. "I think he has a soft spot for missionaries." "Thanks -- for the warning, Tony. I think I have it handled." He gave me a delicious smile. Being almost 23 sometimes is no different than being 16, I think! I wanted to jump on top of him and - - But I didn't. When I was talking to Ben later, I mentioned my strong reaction to Johnnie's smile. "Do hormones settle down some -- when you get older?" I asked. The sarcastic look and "you are so dead" look told me a lot! "I dunno! I'll have to ask someone older some time!" He said and then attacked me. Well, maybe attack was a little extreme. He hopped on top of me and started to hump me. I started to laugh. "That's not the reaction I was expecting, doofus!" He laughed. I grabbed his nuts and squeezed them -- purposely a little too hard. "That better?" I laughed again. Something like that!" He grunted, also laughing, and rammed his knee into my crotch. I laughed, while grunting and sucking air. "I didn't know you were into pain!" Said Ben. "I didn't know you were!" "I wasn't until tonight!" "Me neither!" I exclaimed, "You know, I've been hurt plenty of times -- biking and surfing, but I didn't like that pain." "Maybe it's when you're in control of it." He said. "I think that's it for me." "I think it's sexual. You weren't in control of it when I squeezed your balls!" I giggled. "I think that's because I trusted you." He replied. "That's it! All the times that you stroked my head -- even close to the wound -- and I knew you would not do anything to hurt me. And when it did hurt -- it almost hurt more seeing your face -- your reaction -- to my pain." "Oh yeah -- that was a killer for me. If I knew that I hurt you -- omigosh! I died!" "I knew it!" "Oh, gosh! I hate that! Damn, I love you, Tony!" "I know -- and that makes it all the sweeter for me. Because I feel the same. Don't give me that look! I can say it! I love you, Ben Fisk! I can't imagine anyone loving me more than you have -- and I love you the more for that! But -- that's your gift. It's why you enjoyed being the Elders Quorum President. You love to serve -- because you love WHIM you serve. And you love to - - love! And -- I love you! He kissed me deeply and I pushed him off me and padded over to the door and locked it. I came back and climbed on top of him and kissed him again. No more rough stuff -- only sweet kisses and full body caressing. Of course both of us had rock-hard stiffies vying for attention. I stifled my deepest urge. I knew I was ready, but I don't want to push him until he is -- even though I know now that I won't be his first -- as I suspected. But he's obviously not MY first, so fair is fair. Don't worry; our stiffies got the attention that they needed! When we were both almost falling asleep, I moaned a little because of some pain left over from my inactivity. He asked what was wrong. I told him. Without saying a word, he straddled me and gave me an hour-long, full body massage. "This guy's a keeper!" I said to myself. Self answered ... YA THINK!!?? (My good friend, Steve Thomas says it would be close to miraculous for a 23-year-old to keep anything! But as good a friend as he is -- and as much as I love him -- F__K him!) When he was finished, he crawled down next to me and lay almost nose to nose with me. "I love you." I whispered. I think it may have been the last thing he heard as he drifted off to sleep. The massage had relaxed me physically, but stimulated my mind enough that I could not go to sleep immediately. I stroked his face and ear for awhile and he smiled approvingly -- in his sleep -- but then he moaned slightly and turned over. I moved in to his body and spooned him until I drifted off maybe 45 minutes later. I woke up facing the other way, clinging to the side of the bed. I gently turned over and he was laying with his elbow and forearm supporting his face. He smiled. "My massage put you to sleep didn't it?" He said. He hadn't heard or felt anything I said after he lay beside me! "Yeah." I lied. "but I sure had some nice dreams." "Good -- was I there?" He asked. "They were about you -- and with you!" He looked pleased. "I was frustrated though." I added. "Why?" "I couldn't find a way to tell you how much I love you." Knock knock knock! I jumped out of the bed and unlocked the door, and peeked out. It was Joe. "Morning, Tone." "Morning Joey." I said. He smiled seeing my naked form in the tiny slit that the door was open. "I waited as long as I could. Mom and Dad left early. They said not to wake you up too early, but Aaron and I have to go the seminary, and I figured you guys would want to know where everyone was." He got a very knowing look on his face and winked at me. He KNEW! "Thanks, Joey. We were awake. Have a great day!" I smiled and gave him a silent thumbs up. He bit his tongue and shook his head, smiling some more. As soon as the door closed, I said, "I really need a shower -- well, at least I want one!" "Okay. I won't go anywhere." He said and covered himself up with the covers. "Um -- I was kind of hoping you would want to come in the shower with me." I gave him a demure smile -- and a naked profile, my dick hangin' long and away from my body. He grinned and hopped out of bed. I turned my back and went across the hall to the bathroom. He wolf-whistled and followed me in, locking the door after him. "Everyone's gone!" I told him. "Yeah, and your family has a way of showing up at odd times. I ran the shower hot and he got in. We embraced and kissed deeply and I grabbed the soap and ran it over most of his body, then put the soap back in its dish, and took my time running my hands all over his soap slicked body. It felt so good -- apparently to him to, as we were both sporting full-masted wood. I pushed him into the shower stream and stepped up to him, rubbing our slick bodies together. Fully rinsed off, he began to reach for the soap. I grabbed his hand. "Wait." "Huh?" Remembering my experience with Ben Hastings -- (like I would forget something like that!) I grabbed the hair conditioner and squeezed a large squirt up my butt. "It's time, Sweetheart." I said. He looked deeply into my eyes -- then from one to the other, and asked, "You're sure you want this now?" I said yes and turned around and spread eagle with my hands against the wall opposite the shower. He first came up behind me and hugged me, stroking my wood and rubbing my smooth chest. I turned and kissed him and said, "You first." "Have you done this before?" He knew I had, but he asked anyway. "You know you have to push out a little like -- like - " " -- like I'm taking a crap!" I said. H lay his face on my back and said -- "Yeah." He guided his tool to the opening and I pushed out gently. He eased in and I grimaced a little -- not because it hurt, but just because -- I dunno -- maybe I suspected it to hurt or maybe it felt odd -- after all this last year -- to have something going IN instead of OUT. He pushed it slowly into me. "Is it okay. Does it hurt too much?" He asked. "It doesn't hurt at all." I said. He pulled back out and then pushed in again. I felt some hair conditioner dripping down my legs. I willed myself to look. It was brown-ish. I closed my eyes tight and didn't realize I clamped down on him. "Relax a little more, Tony." He crooned. I did and he pulled out again. "Is this okay with you?" He asked. "Yeah. Don't stop." I said. He went in again, this time deeper. "Do you have any more?" I asked, "I want it all." He held me tighter and pushed it all the way in. He could not see my grimace, and I stifled most a grunt. "Oh -- yeah!" I said, trying to sound pleased. It didn't hurt too bad. The next time he pushed in he hit my prostate. I let out a cry. "You okay? Did that hurt?" "No -- not at all." I said, this time not lying or exaggerating. He repositioned himself and did it again, making better contact with the prostate. I let out another yelp. "You have to tell me if those are good or bad screams!" he said., "It's not as if I am all that experienced here!" "Oh gosh, Ben, keep it up. It's feeling better and better!" Again, that was no lie! He started to ram it home and I started to moan, and saying, good, good , oh yeaaaah," things like that. He picked up more speed and was going into me like a piston in a cylinder. I started to moan even more, as he kept up the pounding of my prostate, and as he kept yanking on my hard wood. "Oh -- oho -- OH!" He cried. "It's coming!" "Go for it!" I said, taking over on my own dick. He grabbed my waist tighter and lay his chest on my back as he supported himself against the wall in front of us. He started to wail like a banshee, and that got me over the top and I cried out almost like a girl each time I threw out my juice and it was in time with his thrusting me, so he was keeping up with me in his own screams. I lost all my strength, and my knees bucked. He was weakened enough that he went down with me to the floor of the shower. He was holding me for dear life, as we slipped on the soap and hair conditioner and knelt and then sat on the shower floor, with the water streaming over us. Then we heard the toilet flush. "Omigod!" He whispered in my ear. "Joey!" I yelled out angrily. "No -- sorry, it's Johnnie." Came a timid voice. "I had to go pretty bad." "How did you" -- Ben started. "The door wasn't locked. I didn't mean to spy on you." I totally forgot about the door going to the room that Johnnie was in. And -- of course -- totally forgot about Johnnie! You didn't lock Johnnie's door." I said to Ben. "Sorry, guys. I thought I could get out without you knowing. Then I screwed up and flushed the toilet. I didn't have to -- it was already yellow." "Yeah -- well, we're sorry to -- to give you such a - " "It was very hot! I might have to go finish it in my room -- at least for me!" We all laughed. Ben was reading my mind when, after Johnnie left he said, "It was never -- I mean NEVER anything like that with Johnnie." I could not lie to him and tell him the same about Ben Hastings. But -- I think it was probably just as good. It was over 10 months ago. With the shower still running on us, he pushed me back and under it -- upside down so it was running on my face. He quickly covered me up with his body and lay atop me, with his face on the crook of my neck. I could hear him still breathing hard and then start to sob. "What's wrong?" I asked. "Nothing. Not a thing at all! I was just thinking how much in love with you I am and was overwhelmed." "I don't want to sound trite by parroting back to you what you said, but -- I feel the same, Ben. I love you more than I knew was possible. I Thought I felt that way with Ben Hastings, but it is so much deeper with you." "Why do you suppose that is?" He asked. "I suppose because I know you longer and -- so much better." "Probably. So did you want a simple ceremony or - " "Are you proposing to me?" I asked. "Oh! Yeah!" he said. He got up and, his knees straddling me, knelt over me, put his hands in praying position, his dick hanging between my legs, and said, "Tony diMarco, will you marry me?" "I never thought about someone kneeling to ask me that question." I said, laughing. "Well, will you?" "I always thought it would be me doing the kneeling -- in front of a girl -- not over her -- and asking that question." "You're avoiding the question, Tony!" "And then asking her father for her hand." I guess I was stalling "Is that what you want? You want me to ask your dad? I'll do it if that's what it takes!" He looked desperate. "Turn off the shower, Ben." He reached up and did as I asked. Then I said, "A-course I'll marry yah -- if'n yah want me to!" "Okay -- I was in `Oklahoma' too! But you're not Laurey and I'm not Curly. Are you gonna make me ask again -- or - " "I want that more than anything in my life, Ben. And it's almost legal here." "I don't care if it's legally binding -- as long as it's emotionally binding. And -- I'll take that as a yes!" "I meant it as a yes." I said quietly. "I guess that when two people are in love some things just have to be." He again bent down to me and put his arm under my back and lifted me up to him. He looked deeply into my eyes as if he were trying find something illusive. "I really am in love with you, Ben -- I'm ready for this!" He kissed me deeply. "You guys okay in there?" Hollered Johnnie. We both started laughing. "Come on in, Johnnie!" Ben Hollered. I started to scramble from under Ben, but he had me pinned. Johnnie came in and looked toward the shower. "What - ?" he started, not seeing us at first. Then he looked down on the floor of the shower, and his eyes got as round as saucers and his mouth gaped open. "What the hell - - ?" "Ben just proposed to me!" I said, feeling silly in my position under Ben. Any wood that either of us had was gone. "And Tony just accepted!" Said Ben. "Um -- is this more serious than -- going steady?" Asked Tony, grinning. "We're getting married!" Said Ben. "Does that sound more serious to you?" Johnnie got very serious. "I wonder if I'll ever find someone that wants me that much?" "You're only 21, John." I said. "You're only 23!" "That's right," interjected Ben, "Tony's only 23. He thought he was ready when he was 22 -- but he wasn't." "Only because you weren't here -- then!" I said, and then remembered -- we were still in a very interesting position -- nude -- on the shower floor and Johnnie by now had a smirk on his face. "Um -- why don't you get out of here and we'll talk some more -- after we get dressed!" I said to Johnnie. Johnnie grinned. "I wondered how long you would last that way!" He giggled as he left and closed the door. After we got up, out and went to our room and got dressed, Johnnie came into our room and asked, "Um -- you were going with Ben -- I mean the other -- um -- Ben Hastings -- last year -- right? And was he the one you thought you were ready to settle down with?" "Ye -- eah," I said slowly wondering why he was -- oh! "Well, there were a couple things going on there." I told him about Ben Hastings' friend, Al, who he was really in love with, but that no one knew that Al was gay -- not even Al himself -- until I jilted Ben and cancelled my plans to come to California - and -- Al was there to comfort him. "Then they both found out how deep their feelings were -- for each other. It was a good thing that I didn't go over there. I think it would have been trouble for all three of us." "So -- you think he's over Al?" Asked Johnnie. "I -- really -- doubt it. It's not like they broke up. Ben still loved Al when he died. I expect he still does." "But he -- has been acting so -- um -- nice -- and stuff with me. And yet, I can't quite get that he -- feels anything special -- at least not as special as I do." Said Johnnie. "Well, like I said, you're only 21, John," said my Ben. "You may have to give him some time -- to get over the loss of Al." "You know they were married over in Oahu, by the - " I choked up at that memory. "You see -- Johnnie -- even Tony still isn't over losing Ben Hastings." Said my Ben. "And that was nearly a year ago." Johnnie looked between the two of us in bewilderment. "Look, John," continued, Ben, "a man has the capacity to love many people -- at once. I know that Tony loves me every bit or more than he did -- er -- does Ben Hastings." But it's a different kind of love," I said, looking at Ben, "because you're a different kind of Ben, and we have a different kind of relationship." "But mostly -- Ben -- Hastings -- is no longer in Tony's life." Said Ben. "Isn't that right, Tony?" He looked at me, and I paused a little too long. "Wha - ? DEFinitely! I mean no! He's not! But -- he could have been -- if you weren't with me." "So you -- both -- think I should go for it -- with Ben that is?" "One thing you need to know about Ben." I said. "He's a chameleon. With Al he was wild and crazy -- because that was the way Al was. With me he was more reserved -- because that's the way I am -- in contrast. But he told me he likes return missionaries. So I think he needs sweetness in his life -- and most returned missionaries are just that. Sweet. They've learned about unconditional love -- more than most people their age, anyway." "But on the other hand -- they are much more vulnerable, too." Said Ben. "They're so used to living by the spirit that they wear their feelings on their sleeves sometimes. I know I did." "Oh yeah -- that's for sure!" "I think I know that feeling!" Said Johnnie. "I about went off the deep end when the Prez kicked me out of the mission. I just about worshipped him -- AND his wife. If it weren't for her, I dunno what I'd have done. She was like a mother to all of us." "Yeah -- and - " started Ben, "that's exactly what I'm talking about. I don't really know this other Ben, but I know you Johnnie -- and did you see how easily you went from talking about Ben to talking about your mission prez? You are still very vulnerable and I'm not advising you at all except to realize where you are before you jump into anything." Then Ben looked at me. "And don't forget -- you also thought you were in love with Rollie." "Not really. He was my boyfriend. We didn't make any vows to each other. He was sweet and romantic -- extremely romantic. But I saw -- you know, when I was dead - " "Wha -- at?!!" Said Johnnie. "My spirit left my body when I got this." I pointed to my still dark red scar. "Everyone has an aura around them. I could tell by both of their aura's that they needed to be together." Johnnie was studying my face intently -- as if to see if I was serious or not, but Ben was just staring at me with his mouth open. "Yeah -- I could see yours too, Ben. That's when I knew that you loved me more than -- more than - " " - more than you loved him?" Said Johnnie, then he looked like he wanted to crawl in a hole when Ben shot him -- then me -- a hurt look. "No. More than I realized. Actually I didn't realize he loved me at all." "I didn't." Both Johnnie and I turned abruptly toward Ben. "I learned to love you while I took care of you. Oh, I loved you -- like I would love anyone. But when I started to take care of you -- in the hospital -- I found that more and more, service to you completed me. "When your body got so depressed that they were getting ready to take you off life support -- I've never felt so alone or powerless and helpless in my life. Nobody asked me and - it wasn't my decision, but I felt like -- like it should have been -- because by that time, I loved you more than I could understand. I wished I had some way to tell you - and I just found out that you knew already. I - " his eyes welled up in tears. "Yeah, I love you too." I said. "Can you still see the aura?" Asked Johnnie. "Sometimes. Some people's aura is too bright to miss. Haven't you ever seen the Prophet's?" "Is THAT what that is?" Said Johnnie. "Yes. And now that I know what it is -- more intimately -- I can see it -- even remember it in others, like both my mission presidents. They seemed to shine like a beacon." I said. "I don't think my mission president did!" Said Johnnie, I'm sure more bitterly than he meant it. "I think you're right, but remember his wife? I was there. She had a very bright aura." "I wonder - " said Ben, pensively, "if some men are called to positions because of their wives' righteousness. I was in this one ward -- on my mission -- where the bishop's wife seemed to run the ward more than her husband." "Interesting question." I said. "I wouldn't be surprised." "Speaking of bishops -- I don't suppose you can get one to perform your marriage - " Said Johnnie, seriously. "No. That would go against church policy -- even if he did it informally." I said. "When do you want to do it?" Asked Johnnie. I looked at Ben. He said, "I just wanted to do it very informally -- I mean like with our friends there and all -- even family members who are comfortable with being there. Just say our vows publicly -- in the presence of some witnesses - to help us feel committed." "What? No tuxes? No Wedding march?" I whined mockingly. "Tuxes -- maybe. Wedding march -- definitely not!" "I -- don't think -- that we should do it until we plan to move out of my parents house and can survive on our own." I said. "That could be pretty soon. If you didn't still need some care and watching, we could do it now. But there's no hurry -- at least not THAT much hurry. It's enough for me just knowing where we stand -- now. Do you have any preferences about where we should do it?" "I originally thought about on the beach in front of the Laie Temple - " "That'd be great!" Said Johnnie. " -- but that might bring back some very sad memories for Ben Hastings." "How about Waimeia Falls Park -- where Fred and Rollie dive?" Said Ben. "I dunno -- too many people, I think. Have you ever been to Manoa Valley Park?" I asked. "You mean on Oahu?" "That's the one!" I said. "It's just up from Waikiki." "I've heard about it. Never been there." "It would be perfect! There's a beautiful cascading fall into a small pool! And it's secluded. No one goes there. Tourists don't even know about it! We could do it right there by the falls!" Ben smiled. I could tell that he would do it anywhere I wanted. I could see by his aura that all he wanted was to please me. Gosh, I love this guy! "If you say it's good, then I am fine with it." He said. "As a matter of fact, since I am working my new job -- while you loaf around the house all day -- why don't you make the plans? I know I'll be happy with whatever you want. All I want is - - you!" In the next couple weeks, I did some checking -- and we could not reserve the park. Whatever day we decided on, it would have to be left up to luck whether others were there or not. I was told that, if we did it on a Wednesday, in the afternoon, that would probably be the most unlikely time for others visiting the park. I was also warned that there is about a 50% chance of rain -- every day there. "Let's do it in late August -- just before school starts," said Ben, "so you can plan to work hard with your studies right after that." "What, no honeymoon?" I asked. "We have to be a little practical, Sweetheart, because - " "Oh -- WOW!" I said. "What?" "That's the first time you ever called me that. I think I love it!" "Good. Me too. Anyway -- um -- you ARE planning to go back to school -- right?" "Um -- I hadn't thought about it too much, I guess. But yeah, I always planned to. Then my job kind of got in the way. Then I got laid off because of the moratorium on the Haleakala biking tours - " "Which they have lifted now." Said Ben. "Really?!!" "Yeah. The park district didn't want to be responsible for biking accidents within the park. But as it worked out they have no authority outside park boundaries, and any Maui road is open to bikes, so the companies are back in business. They just have to start beyond the park entrance." "Fantastic!" I said. "Then - " " -- don't even think it! You know that the doctor said that you will have to take it easy for the next year." I looked at him and pouted. But I could read all over his face that he was not budging on this issue. "so -- you can spend that recuperation time getting some of your schooling out of the way. You already told me you don't really have a major -- um -- I guess I am assuming something. Tony -- do you really WANT to go back to college?" Johnnie knocked, then walked in. "Well, I -- uh - " I said. "Because if you don't -- I mean -- not everyone is cut out for it. Maybe you want to be more of a physical person." I looked down at my pathetic self . "I USED to be more physical. Oh, Ben, how can you even be slightly attracted to this -- this -- 98 pound weakling body of mine?!" "You lost a lot of weight in the hospital. I'm sure glad that other fucker got killed!" I seldom heard that kind of venom from my lover. "But you -- you don't seem to hate him." He said. Johnnie was looking, almost bewildered, between the two of us. "I -- sort of talked to him -- after he died." "Wha - - !!??" Both Ben and Johnnie exclaimed together. "He died within seconds of when I left my own body. I saw both him and Marty. Marty was sent to meet him -- and take him away." "Down to Hell, I hope!" Said Johnnie." "You know better than that, John. They both are in the spirit prison -- until they are judged -- which may be a long time. I just seem to have a different perspective now -- that I have been out-of-body and met a few people. It's almost strange. I still can be wary of bad people, but -- it's more like I feel sorry for them." "It's not almost strange. It IS strange! I don't think I could ever forgive someone -- I mean -- I can't forgive him!" Said Ben. "You'll have to learn to -- eventually. Just as both of you will need to forgive both your parents -- someday." "Here we go again." Said Ben. "What?" Asked Johnnie. "Tony expects us to just forgive our parents after they have kicked us out and excluded us from our family!" "Yeah, that's why I came back out here." Said Johnnie. "I had to get away from them. But that was at the suggestion of my bishop." "What?! A bishop actually told you to leave? How convenient for him!" Said Ben. He was getting more and more irate. "So now he doesn't have to deal with either you or your parents!" "No -- it's not that way at all, Elder. I mean -- Ben. The bishop worked closely with my dad, and Dad refuses to give in and humble himself. The bishop told him that he needs to -- well, in essence -- `hate the sin but love the sinner'. Dad is now not on speaking terms with the bishop! But -- I am. I have forgiven Dad. I mean -- well, the bishop convinced me of this -- what good does it do me to hate my dad or hold some kind of grudge? I have no more power over the situation. I pray every night that he repents. And that's all I can do. Well, except to -- as the bishop said -- get myself to a place where I don't have to deal with it -- or him -- all the time. In a small town in Idaho, it's hard to escape. And the only other places I knew were Provo and -- Maui." "Oh." Said Ben quietly. Then he said, "Well, anyway -- I don't know how we got on this subject. We were talking about you going back to school -- or not. Do you think you want to?" I let his convenient change of subject go -- for now. "If I go to school, that leaves you providing most of our support." "That's fine. Do you love me?" "Of course I do. Why?" "Would you do this for me -- if I needed it?" "But you don't need it." "I'll assume that as a yes. So I will do it for you. I'm in this for the long haul. You'll pull your weight when it's time." "I -- um -- how about I go and get whatever classes I need to run a business. I don't really want to work for anyone else, anyway. What do I need a degree for?" "What do you want to do?" "I think -- at least now -- I'd like to run my own biking company." "I'll help all I can to see that happen, Sweetheart." He looked at Johnnie and blushed. "That's so cool!" Said Johnnie. "I hope Ben and I - " My Ben and I looked at him dubiously. "Well, it's possible!" "Yes it is!" I said. "And I probably know Ben better than both of you. I want to think it's true. But don't -- at least at this time -- build your future around it." The four months before the end of August seemed to drag on. I got much better and got out and did a lot of walking and exercise. Ben came with me as much as he could. Ben Hastings found a large home to rent closer to us, and he invited Johnnie to be his house mate. We advised against it -- even my dad talked to him, but he was determined. He moved out in July. We saw a lot of Ben and Johnnie. They confided to us that they were not having sex. "I want to," Ben said, "but I really like John, and he doesn't feel good about it -- unless we make a commitment -- which he says I'm not ready for yet. I guess he's right, but DAMN I'm horny!" Johnnie giggled when Ben said that. The more we saw of them the more it delighted me that here was the older, macho football player -- Ben Hastings -- and the smaller nerdish red-headed boy -- who seemed to lead Ben around by the nose. As our time got closer, Johnnie approached Ben -- MY Ben -- and me. "Ben and I are -- about ready to make the leap." "Into sex?" Said my Ben. "Tuh! No! the leap into committing our lives to each other. He wants to do it with you guys. I told him that you deserve your own special day." Johnnie said it to the floor, so I knew his heart wasn't in it. I could tell that he too wanted to join us. "Ben spoke before I could, but pretty much said what I was thinking. "Well, as for me -- I don't care if you guys want to do that with us. I'm committed to Tony, no matter what." I was glad he spoke first. I grinned. "Johnnie, nothing would make me happier." Johnnie's grin was wider than mine. He practically jumped into both mine and Ben's embrace. We decided to just tell our families about it -- that was all. We told all of our friends as well, and just told them all that they were welcome but that we weren't making a big deal of it. Wednesday didn't work for Ben's job, so we had to plan it for Saturday. That day, We didn't know what to expect, since we had not made any plans, except to tell people that we were gonna do it at 2:00 in the afternoon. Both Johnnie and my Ben wrote to tell their moms, and expected that they in turn would -- eventually -- tell their dads. As for everyone else, it was on Oahu, so that was an imposition for most of the people we told about it. We didn't wear tuxes. We all four wore easy-to hike in, matching shorts and new white tee shirts. We parked in the Paradise Park parking lot. I didn't know that they re-opened. It had closed earlier, but he lot was full. We walked around to the Manoa Valley Park -- which would be unrecognizable to any tourist. The other three quickly found out why I advised casual. Because this was not a tourist trap, the path was strewn with many tree roots and other debris, and was not a cake walk. Or -- let's say -- it is not wheel chair friendly! In about 15 minutes, all the other three got more excited when I pointed out the falls as soon as I saw them. As we neared the pool at the base of the falls, we were dismayed that we were not as alone as we'd hoped. Well, this WAS a Saturday! But as we got closer, we saw that nearly everyone there were our friends! I started to choke when I saw my parents. Ben Hastings parents were there too! They came all the way from California! They had two others with them that I later found out were his former partner, Al's parents. Al's dad was Ben's dad's best friend. The pool was way to shallow to dive in to, but as if they were sentries, Fred and Rollie had climbed up and positioned themselves about 20 feet above us, on the rock wall that the falls were cascading over. They had neither cut their hair for -- well several months and they were in full Hawaiian traditional garb. At the rear of the crowd of people, I spotted the bishop of the young adult ward. My tears were flowing freely by this time. Since there were so many people, there was little room for us to stand away from them, so we removed our sandals and stepped across the pool to the falls. They are not roaring falls, so we could speak easily over them. We stood knee deep in the pool in the bright sunlight and I said, "Ben Fisk, I want to spend my life with you. I pledge my everlasting love to you as long as we live and forever after that if it is possible. You complete me in a way that I will never quite understand, but which I totally accept and be thankful for." I reached into my pocket and withdrew a ring that I bought with some money that Nana and Grampa sent to me, because they could not be here. His mouth dropped, his eyes got big and tears appeared in them. The quiet falls were able cover his remark. Everyone saw him lean in to me, but only I could hear him say, "You suck!" But everyone heard me laugh and say, "All in good time, Babe!" "He then took his turn to tell me how much he loved me and that in witness of all these people he promised me all the same things I promised him. Then he put both hands in his pockets and pulled them inside out, shrugged and stuck his lower lip out at me. I leaned in and kissed it, and he kissed me back sweetly. As Ben Hastings and Johnnie did similar to us, clouds came in and covered the sun. There was one last ray shining directly on us as Johnnie said his last words, and cameras clicked. Then it started to rain lightly, but all the locals knew that before they could run out of there, there would be a downpour to drench them. It was not really a running trail and took a good 10 minutes if you hurried -- which they did. Everyone was laughing and joking as they went, with Ben and I and Ben and Johnnie last, after we left the pool, and we four put our sandals back on. I was in front of Ben and it was natural that I would be a little more careful as I walked. Ben Hastings and Johnnie lingered a bit, waiting but I hollered them to go ahead and we'd be home a little after. When they were around one bend, I took another route. "Where are you going?" Asked Ben. "You'll see!" We were both drenched to the skin by this time but it was still a warm day and the wetness felt good. I led him through some thick stands of bamboo, and then to a meadow that was covered in fine bamboo that made a grass carpet. I stopped and yanked off all my clothe and lay down on the soft bamboo and beckoned to him. He looked at me as if I was crazy. "Just take off your clothes and do me -- here and now!" I said. He looked all around. "There won't be anyone coming in this weather -- believe me!" He looked around once more and grinned, then ripped his own clothes off and almost flew on top of me. Everything was wet and slippery and we were laughing and tickling each other in all our favorite places. Then I locked my feet behind his head and said, "Go for it, Dood!" He made sweet love to me on the carpeted floor of the jungle. When he was finished, we rolled over and over, down a slight embankment and I ended up on top of him. Then I duplicated what he had done to me. We kissed and fondled each other some more, then rolled around again on the grass, until we were all clean from any of the residue of our romps! We put our sopping wet clothing back on our drenched bodies, stood up and kissed deeply one more time, then walked out of the park. When we got back to the parking lot, Ben and Johnnie were there waiting -- looking somewhat worried. "You forgot that we had only one car, Tony!" Said my old Ben. "What in the world kept you guys" "Ben," said my Ben, "We're GOTTA bring you two back here someday -- soon!" "What were you doing?" Asked Johnnie. We just looked at each other and started to giggle. "You DIDN'T!" Said Ben Hastings. "Oh, but we certainly DID!" I answered! We all hugged and got into the rented car, four happy boys! Notes: Well, there's only one thing to say: The Beginning!!