Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1998 15:02:27 +0900
From: Andrej Koymasky <andrejkoymasky@geocities.com>
Subject: epistolary-08

--------------------------

I started writing gay stories in 1985 and to now I wrote about 80 of
them. Being Italian, of course I wrote them in Italian. Now, many of my
friends asked me to translate them in English. But my English, also if
understandable, is surely not a "literary" one: I can't know all the
nuances and literary tricks I can use in Italian. I need somebody
revising my translation. Now, I found a person that is kindly helping me
with my stories. But I can't ask to one single person to help me with
all of my stories. So, if amongst you there is somebody (with a good
English style) that thinks this unpaid work worthy, and wants to help
me, I would be really happy. If such a person exists, can send me an
e-mail at:

andrejkoymasky@geocities.com

----------------------------

EPISTOLARY

by Andrej Koymasky (C) 1998

written the 10th of August, 1990

translated by the author

English text kindly revised by George.

-----------------------------

USUAL DISCLAIMER

"EPISTOLARY" is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic scenes
of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family, opinion and
so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to read this
story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, ore because
you think yo really want to read it, please be my welcomed guest.

-----------------------------

Roma, 21/5/87

My great love,

I have been happy celebrating with you one year since the first time we
met.

These days spent together have been wonderful, superior to any
expectation, any fantasy, any desire, any hope.

In bed you literally made me crazy with pleasure. You really are a
tornado, an earthquake, a flood of joy. You have given me happiness
beyond my dreams. Finally we are completely united and I am happy. Then,
after making love, to remain so, embraced, to caress each other, and
that whispering, tight tight, tender tender... is wonderful! Of course,
we didn't sleep much. But who could sleep with you at his side?

Your skill in giving pleasure made me feel even more awkward than usual,
but I don't worry about that, because I will learn, you'll see. I will
be a diligent pupil and I hope, one day, to surpass my master.

Your coming and going is making me sad. Why don't you come live in Rome
with me? You will not miss work, here, you know that. I would like to
never be apart from you, I would like to live with you day after day and
not by instalments. Am I asking too much? Do you think I'm never
satisfied?

If you don't like this apartment, we can look for a bigger, nicer one.
I'm not telling that to you to keep you away from Carla, I'm not
jealous, you know that, we talked about that. You must be free to do as
you like, as long as you fill me with so much love. I will be the
happiest man in the world having you here, with me.

Do you perhaps think I'm going too fast? Possibly you wish to be more
sure of me? I don't know, everything is so beautiful, so special, so
unique that I want it to be nothing less than perfect. Anyway, I relay
upon you, will abide by your decisions.

You left only yesterday but I feel like you have been gone forever. This
apartment was so beautiful when you were here! Now it seems too empty,
too silent. I loved looking at you going around half naked, loved
watching you, loved savouring your presence, talking with you.

The sun is setting here over the roofs and my window is a picture of
indescribable colors. I like it, but I would like it so much more if you
were here with me to look at it, your head on my shoulder, hand in hand
with me, as we were two or three evenings ago. You are giving a taste to
my life, do you know that?

I love you, sweetheart. I love you very much.

Yours forever Federico

---------------

Sunday 24th of May from Salerno

My Federico,

possibly I have done it!

Yesterday I met Carla. I thought she would understand me. So I told her
about us. And that, therefore, it was over between her and me. Because I
am in love with you.

She just said: "All right."

I was a little amazed. She did take it well, I thought. But she went
straight to see Cettina. And told her. Then she found Ruggiero, and told
him . She then went to see Francesco. And she blurted it out to him. The
poisonous tongued bitch! She only failed to put posters on the main
square!

My family reaction astonished me.

Francesco said it was no one's fucking business but my own.. He only
advised me not to "give scandal". And then, he says, I should take to my
bed whomever I wish to and like best.

Cettina was really put out. At first she didn't believe it. She said
that Carla was saying those things just because I gave her the old
heave-ho. I told her that no, it is really so. Then she said: "Happily
mum is no longer living!" and burst out crying.

Ruggiero, last night, in our room, asked me if I was a faggot. I told
him I don't know. But that I'm in love with you, and that you are for
sure a male. Then he asked me if you too are in love with me. I said
yes. And he asked me: "Are you happy?" and I said "yes, we both are very
happy". "So," he tells me, "then, I too am happy." and he said he really
wants to meet you. Then he gave me a serene good night.

This morning, just after waking up, he asked me if it isn't more
pleasurable with girls. I explained to him that the pleasure can be the
same with a boy or a girl. But that one doesn't choose, when he falls in
love. He asked me if I had gone with many men. I told him that you are
the first and only.

He confessed me that he has not yet made love. Then he added: "not with
a boy, nor with a girl. A part from flirting with a girl. And a couple
of time jacking off with his friends. But each only with himself. We
talked for a long while. I explained him a little how difficult it had
been for you. And how easy, on the contrary, for me. And he said: "But
at last, now, you are both happy, right? This is the only thing that
counts."

Today I didn't meet Francesco. Cettina pulled a long face. Ruggiero is
as usual.

So, the hash is made, and I don't regret it. I am sorry for my sister.
Because she feels bad. I would have guessed she would understand and not
my brothers. But it went exactly the opposite.

Today after lunch Ruggiero asked me if I had a picture of you. I showed
him the one I have. He says you are a likeable guy, that he really wants
to meet you.

As I write to you he sits on his bed. He asked me if I'm writing to you.
He says to send you his greetings.

I'm really dying to embrace you, do you know that? What are you doing in
this moment? Now it is 11:39 pm. I leave you. But I think of you.

Take care of yourself, my dear love S.

---------------

Roma, 2/6/87

My dear love,

I'm sorry for what happened. I'm sorry that your sister cannot
understand and accept. Still, remembering how long it took me to
understand and accept, her reactions seem natural to me, understandable.
Let's hope that with time she recovers her spirits, poor Cettina.

Return the greetings to Ruggiero and tell him that I too hope we meet
soon.

I hope that things are a little better when you receive this letter, and
that you are more serene and quiet. I would like to be near you, and not
just with my mind and heart, especially in moments like this one. Why
don't you really move to Rome? You know that would really make me happy.

I have an idea: if you agree, I can propose it to our publicity
depatment to hire you full time, and not just as an external
collaborator as you are now. Your way of work and your style are much
appreciated, as you know, and I don't think they will oppose it. And at
work my opinion has some weight. Unless you prefer to remain a
free-lance. But tell me yes, love, I beg you. I'll jump for joy, as you
can guess.

My dearest Sebastiano, we are lucky to have met, to have fallen in love.
At times I have the sensation that all my past life didn't have any
other aim except preparing me for the encounter with you. Preparing me
to love you, even if it took me so long to accept it completely.

I have your drawings here to make the test strip for our animation. I am
becoming better equipped and I hope in a short time to be able to make a
first section of the film. Then, if all works right and there are no
parts to correct or to change, we can start the first Rodolfo and Theo's
complete story.

I was thinking: why don't we create a friend for Theo? Someone to be
paired with him? We can call him Tommaso, called Tomcat. "Rodolfo, Theo
and Tomcat", what do you think of it?

Ciao, my love, I leave you, now. Think always of me and come soon.

A strong hug and a caress where you want it.

yours Federico

---------------

Wednesday, the 10th of June from Salerno

Love,

Yes, I too am sad being far from you. Living together would be great.
When I come to Rome, we will talk about it. And in case we work
something out, you can talk to your bosses. I would really like living
and working with you. But we have to be sure. If I come to live with
you, it will be somewhat like marrying. With all the pros and cons.

Cettina didn't change. She hardly speaks to me. She doesn't make a
scene, nor bring up the subject again. She is not hard, but she is sad.
And this hurts me. If she attacked me, I would react. It would be more
simple. A good fight. So, on the contrary...

Francesco went to talk to Carla. Without telling me. He told her that if
she spread the rumor around, heaven help her! He will make her pay for
it. Carla probably repented having told it. After all she is not a bad
girl. Sunday I met her at the bar, here downstairs. After a first
embarrassed moment, we said ciao to each other. Then she called me. She
said that she is sorry having spoken to my family. Especially to
Cettina. I believe her. So I told her not to worry. That I'm not angry
with her. Then, she told me about Francesco's speech to her. She says
that even if my brother hadn't threatened her, she wouldn't have broken
my confidence to anybody else.

My friends understood that I've broken up with Carla. They think I have
a girl in Rome. I didn't say yes and neither no.

A few nights ago, Ruggiero asked me why we don't live together. I
answered that we are thinking about it. And he said: "I would not think
twice, about it." Then he asked me: "It it was possible, would you
marry?" I answered that I really think so. Then he said to me "So,
Federico and I are like brothers in law." I smiled. But it gave me a
great sensation of joy. As you can see, Ruggiero fully accepts you. At
least one out of three. Even if he is only 16, he seems the more mature.

So, my dear love. For the moment I have nothing more to write you. Apart
from the fact that I love you.

Always take care and be well

yours S.

---------------

Roma, 20/6/87

My dear and beloved Sebastiano,

I like Ruggiero more and more and I really would like to meet him. Can't
you bring him with you the next time you come to Rome? He could sleep on
the couch in the living room. Schools are out now, right? Did he ever
visit Rome? We can show it to him, and I think that for a boy studying
in the Classical High School, it could also be useful, right?

You didn't answer me about my idea to create Tomcat (but we can also
choose a different name). Anyway I've almost finished the editing of the
first film, and it seems good to me. I wait for us to judge it together.
It is just five minutes long, included the credit titles, but it is
sufficient to see the rendering of both your drawings and my animation
technique.

Tomorrow my dad will arrive. He is coming to Rome for some papers at the
Ministries. He will stop here, of course. It is really unusual for my
parents to come visit me, normally it is I who goes to their place. I
would like very much to be able to talk to him about you, but I am sure
he would react a lot worse than Cettina, remembering how he reacted to
my adolescent relationship with my school chum. He will surely ask me
about Stefania, when I intend to set up house (to get married, I mean,
but surely he will use these words) and give him grand-children, and so
on. The same old story, in short. Why do we have to live in such a
complicated world? Why do people have to decide how others live, to
judge, to force, and...

Anyway I will tell him that I'm no longer with Stefania.

Next Summer we will go on holiday together, right? It will be like our
honey moon. Where would you like to go? Do you have any dream, any
preference? Let me know so we can organize in time. I want them to be
fabulous holidays.

As always I have ten thousand ideas inside my head and I cannot write
them all down. But one stays crystal clear and it never leaves, so that
I can write it without effort: I love you!

But, besides loving you, I also desire you very much. I miss you, I need
you, your nearness, your smile, your body. These separation periods are
becoming more and more difficult to stand, at least for me. Come soon, I
beg you.

I'm longing for you. I love you. I desire you.

yours yours Federico

---------------

Monday, the 29th of June from Salerno

My darling,

First of all: I love you.

Then, OK for Tomcat. I'll try.

Then again: I also feel bad far from you.

Possibly, if we were always together we could also get our monkey up.
But I don't think so. I really have to move to Rome. I'm more and more
persuaded. I too need you. A really big need, it is.

Sure we will go on holiday together. Anywhere, with you. Why not rent a
camper and wander? Without a goal, like two gipsies? How does that grab
you?

Ruggiero cannot come to Rome. He is so sorry! And he thanks you very
much. He has found a job for the Summer. He just started it. Possibly he
can come in September, before school starts again. After we are back
from our honey moon. He too is dying with desire to meet you.

Cettina has a little less long face. But still has it. At times I would
like to confront her, to talk with her. But perhaps it will be better if
it is she initiates it. Possibly, if she knew you, it would be more
easy. Or on the contrary more difficult? I don't know. Ruggiero says
that it won't last forever. He says I must have patience.

Francesco has never talked again on this subject. He just treats me
exactly as before. But I would like to know, how he really feels inside.

If I come to live with you in Rome, there is a but. I must continue to
send the money for Ruggiero. Until he finishes school and finds work.
And I think he also wants to go to the university.

When you receive this letter, don't answer. I'm coming, I'll be at your
place the 16th of July. I would like to come Saturday the 4th, but the
5th is Ruggiero's birthday, 16 years round. I bought him a wrist watch.
I'll also buy him a gift in your name. I hope you won't be displeased.
But for sure he will be happy. I know that he desires a pocket size CD
player, several boys have one. And it is not too expensive.

When will they connect your telephone? I want to hear your voice. Talk
to you. Possibly I would just say to you over and over: I love you. But
I would be speaking, not writing. When I call you at your office, I
can't. And you can even less.

My love, I feel I'm going crazy. Being so far from you. As I do things,
while I walk, I speak to you. As if you were here, instead of being so
far away.

They say: "far from the eyes, far from the heart". It is not true, you
know? My heart is full of you.

OK. Take care of yourself, now. See you soon, love.

more and more yours Sebastiano

****o****oOo****o****

Sunday, the 12th of July from the train for Naples

Ciao, love.

We just parted. The train is just leaving Rome. My body is rapidly going
away from you. And from my heart, that remained with you.

Go soon to talk to your bosses. Tomorrow, as soon as you are in your
office, find me work. I want to live with you in Rome. If not before the
holidays, at least soon after.

I told you that I regret leaving my family and my friends. It is true.
But I willingly leave them, for you. And with the exchange, I'll gain,
you know?

I don't know if I should tell them just yet at home. Probably yes. Who
knows that Cettina, at this point, decides to talk with me.

I hope that in your next letter there will already be an answer about
the work. If they say no, look for something else for me. Even dish
washer. Bog cleaner. Anything. It is no longer enough just to write you.
I don't like one week together then one month far from you.

You are so sweet, so good. I was almost certain you would agree to help
Ruggiero. But to hear you saying yes with such enthusiasm, filled me
with joy.

When you were uncertain about our love, I mistreated you. You didn't
deserve it. You say you are lucky having met me. The real lucky man is
me, having met you. My luck is really very great.

Your apartment is ok, as I told you, don't worry. You know that I like
it. It is one of the first things I liked about you. At most, we can
change the sofa in the living room with a nice sofa bed. For possible
guests. Sure, we will need a laboratory, for both you and me. But we can
find it elsewhere. Especially if the animation is successful.

Sorry for the scrawl, but the train is shaking, now.

Sitting here in front of me there is a kid. He looks at me in a certain
way... Possibly I'm his type. But it is useless for him to try. I'm
interested only in you. Even if he was the most beautiful boy. Or the
most beautiful girl.

And if I didn't have you? Probabbly I wouldn't be interested in him at
all. Perhaps I didn't even discover this side of my sexuality. Who
knows? But history is not made with "if".

One thing is true. Before, I never looked at males. Never in a sensual
way, I mean. I thought I was interested just in girls. Now, instead, I
look at them in a different way. This one in front of me, for instance.
He is a handsome male. It would be pleasurable to fuck with him.

I wouldn't do that, don't worry. You have no reason to become jealous,
nor be afraid. Probably I shouldn't write these things. But if you love
me, you have to know everything about me. Really everything.

God, I feel a strong desire to make love with you. Now.

I know on the contrary I will have to wait for a long while. Fucking
shit! Yes, we have to live together. As soon as possible. And even
before that.

By the way, when are you going to see about the camper? And please, not
with two beds, but just a king size bed, understood?

Take care, my desired man

yours (and even more) Sebastiano

---------------

Roma, 15/7/87

My love,

Right today I could talk with Doctor Mancinelli. He wants to talk to you
directly, but he seems more than interested in the possibility of hiring
you here, full time. Moreover, he told me that at the publicity
department they were already thinking about that possibility. Therefore
I wait you in Rome, of course before the Summer closing. Remember that
this year we will be closed from the seventh of August, so you have to
come here before the fifth. The best time, I think, will be the end of
July or even Monday the third of August. So, if all goes as I hope, they
will hire you beginning September.

Therefore, start immediately to prepare your luggage, both for our
holidays and to settle here. Rather, I was thinking, when we come back
from the holiday we can take the camper to Salerno and pick up all your
belongings and take them to Rome directly with us. What do you think?

I'm longing to have you here, with me.

I feel so high-spirited at the idea, I think I am drunk!

On that occasion we can also take Ruggiero with us, so that he can spend
some days in Rome with us, and we can show it to him.

Ah, and remember to prepare the papers: you for sure will need the Fine
Arts Institute diploma. And the usual ones... anyway as soon as I know
what they want, I'll send you the list.

I'm thrilled at the idea that finally we can start to live together. I
think that tonight I will not be able to sleep: be that the case, I'll
think all the time of you and in that way the night will pass in a
rather pleasurable way. I say "rather" because if you were here it would
pass in a lot much more pleasurable way.

I love you.

You see, words really aren't sufficient. I think, say, write "I love
you" and it seems to me to say too little. When on the contrary I say
those words with my body, when I "write it with my body on yours", I
feel satisfied, because I know that then you understand what I really
want to say. I feel like becoming a graphomaniac, I would never stop
writing (on your body).

See you soon, my greatest, unique, splendid love.

Take care of yourself (as you always write) waiting impatiently for the
time it will be me taking care of you.

All yours Fede

---------------

Saturday 18th of July from Salerno

Love,

Your letter has not yet arrived. Did you speak with them? May I hope? I
feel like risking it and coming all the same. If you want. If you want
me. I can't stand it any more being far from you.

I told that to Ruggiero. He is happy for me. Even if he is sad we will
meet seldom. And he is happy to come to Rome in September.

Then, I told Cettina that soon I will move to Rome. Quite soon. She
looks at me with two dark eyes and says: "Ah, with that one?"

Annoyed, I say: "His name is Federico!"

Almost in a whisper, she answers: "I know."

So, looking her straight in the eye, I say: "Then, don't say with that
one. And not with that tone. I love him."

She lowered her eyes and said: "Sorry, Sebastiano. I hope you will be
happy, with Federico."

So I said: "I really think so. But I will be a lot more happy if you
weren't so unhappy."

Then Cettina started to cry. But after, we talked. Then Ruggiero came
and he sided with me. We talked all the afternoon. Perhaps she
understood a little. Perhaps she is accepting. She will need some time.
If she loves me, she will have to learn to love you too. I told her
this. She again looked at me with dark eyes. So Ruggiero said that I'm
right. Cettina then asked him: "Why, do you love Federico?" And he,
promptly: "Sure! He is my brother in law, no?" Right so he said. Cettina
looked at him as if to check if he was joking. Then asked him: "Brother
in law?" and Ruggiero, quietly: "Brother in law, of course, brother in
law."

Well. The die is cast. I crossed the Rubicon.

I love you so much, brother in law of Ruggiero.

I'm longing to meet you again.

I'm happy, thanks to you.

Ciao, love. Take care and think to me.

your lover Sebastiano

---------------

Roma, 20/7/87

My sweet love,

I received the letter you wrote from the train and that you posted in
Naples. Would you please explain to me how you managed to paint the
envelope? Did you already have one ready?

Perhaps you have not yet received my preceding letter.

I don't care if you look at other boys, or girls, unless you stop
looking at me. Well, honestly, if you were making love with them, I
think I would feel bad. But I would forgive you as long as you continue
to love me and stay with me. But I would prefer you not do it, and not
just not to tell me. If it happens, I prefer to know it, not for other
reasons, just because if we start to lie each other or to have secrets,
it would be the start of the end.

But it seems to me so absurd to talk about the end when we have just
started, right?

Anyway, you have all my trust and as long as you love me, all you decide
to do is good for me.

I went to talk with the people at the staff office so I enclose the list
of all the papers that you will need for the eventual, almost sure,
hiring. Start to prepare them, so you will not lose too much time when
the moment comes.

I met Stefania on the street. She was arm in arm with a real hunk. She
greeted me and she had the air as if she wanted tell me: "Look what a
handsome man I have now!" and I felt like telling her: "But my man is
more beautiful than yours!". But on the contrary we just exchanged
trivialities and bye bye.

How could I have stayed with that one? Bah!? You literally rescued me, I
think.

The fridge is near breaking down, it works worse and worse. But to buy a
new one I'll wait for you. From now on we have to decide together all we
buy or change in the apartment. Now it is also your home, right?

As soon as you come here, you will register your residence here, right?

I went to the stamp shop to make the new nameplates for the bell, the
letterbox and the door. "De Donato - Pirazzoli" in alphabetical order.
It has a good sound, and it is like being a married couple, in fact
usually they write the two family names of husband and wife. For us,
instead, it is the name of husband and husband.

The plant you bought for the living room is really beautiful and doesn't
seem to suffer. Each time I look at it, I think of you. But I always
think of you, even without looking at it.

This apartment is impregnated with you. And awaits you.

My love, how happy I am to love you and being loved by you. It is
indescribable. Really.

Immersed in this sea of happiness (and wallowing in it) I send you a lot
of kisses and one (just one) caress, there.

Your, and more than your Federico

-----------------------------

CONTINUES IN PART 9

-----------------------------

In my home page I've put some of my stories. If someone wants to read
them, the URL is

http://www.geocities.com/~andrejkoymasky/

---------------------------