Date: Tue, 8 Dec 2015 18:27:59 -0500
From: Jesse McMillan <writingafewstories@gmail.com>
Subject: Giving Us A Chance-Chapter 4

Aidan stood rooted to the spot his feet had found by Mason, his hands still
holding Mason's arms. "Me? What do you mean it's me?" Mason's small form
trembled and shook uncontrollably beneath Aidan's grasp. He'd begun to weep
in earnest, and during the seconds Aidan had taken to attempt to grasp his
meaning Mason's hands had begun to push against Aidan's chest to separate
them. And as Aidan surveyed his distraught friend a terrible truth suddenly
dawned on him.

"Oh my god!..........you......you mean me? As in.......me?" Mason didn't
attempt to answer, merely shaking his head in response as he attempted to
turn himself from Aidan's gaze. His tears had turned to sobs. It seemed he
was pushing with all his strength to free himself from Aidan's grip. In all
their years of friendship Aidan had never seen his best friend so
distraught. And as Aidan surveyed his friend's anguish and humiliation he
wasn't sure if his heart ached more for the fact that Mason had admitted
the unrequited love he held for him or the humiliation Mason felt for
admitting it. But he couldn't tell Mason that he loved him in return! At
least not in the way Mason was admitting. He loved Mason with all his
heart, but as a friend only. He'd never even remotely considered the
prospect of something between them.

Not knowing what else to do Aidan overpowered Mason and pulled him into an
embrace. Even as he held him Aidan feared Mason would get the wrong
impression by this act of compassion. But this was his best friend! Even if
he didn't understand the cause of the pain, when Mason's heart broke Aidan
hurt as well. So knowing no words or actions that could ease Mason's pain
or humiliation Aidan simply held him. He didn't attempt to offer any words
of wisdom or comfort. Hell, he didn't have any! What words could possibly
make this situation better?

===============================================================================

Mason allowed himself to be held in place by Aidan's firm grasp. Even as
their bodies touched he knew he should be anywhere but so close to
Aidan. With one simple admission that he'd held within himself for several
years he'd just pulled the rug from beneath their friendship. Even now the
strong hand that rubbed his back felt awkward. This was wrong. With just
one fleeting glance he'd seen his answer in Aidan's eye. Aidan didn't love
him; not in that way. Why, why hadn't he simply kept his mouth shut?

After what seemed an uncomfortable eternity Aidan relaxed his grasp and
Mason seized his opportunity. With one swift movement he shoved with all
his strength and slithered from beneath Aidan's muscular arms to free
himself at last. His voice shook as he all but ran from Aidan's reach. "I
have to go." But the quite voice that followed so surprised him that he
stopped mid-step in his race to his car. "Mason don't you think we need to
talk about this?" And his heart ached all the more. When he'd seen Aidan's
reaction he'd expected him to be angry or disgusted. He'd not expected
consideration.

Summoning every ounce of self-control he possessed Mason forced himself to
turn and meet the blue eyes that were locked onto his own face. "Aidan I
saw the answer in your eyes." He held up a hand to stop his friend's
protests before continuing. "No, don't deny it. I saw the look in your eyes
when you realized what I was talking about. I've clearly made you
uncomfortable. I never should've ask you here." But as he turned to his car
the soft voice returned................... "I'm not angry, you know. I may
not understand, but I'm not angry. If you're going to drop something like
this on me, you could at least give me a little bit of an explanation. I
give you my word I'd listen until you'd finished before saying anything."

===============================================================================

Something Aidan had said had clearly surprised Mason. Though his hand had
grasped the door handle of his car he stood completely still. It was clear
that, however Mason had assumed Aidan would react to his admission, his
attempt at a calm and considerate response had not been part of his
expectation. "Mason?" Several seconds passed by before Mason turned to face
him. "Aidan I don't think I can do this; not now at least. I.....I've
clearly made us both very uncomfortable by telling you this. I can't even
begin to tell you how embarrassed I've made myself feel. I think it's
better if I just leave." But for all his love for his friend Aidan felt
himself growing impatient with Mason. How dare he drop something like this
on Aidan and then attempt to simply waltz away!

"All right then, go! Walk away after dropping this fucking bombshell on me!
If you want the honest truth, then yes, I'm uncomfortable. It isn't so much
that I'm offended or annoyed with what you've told me. But it pisses me off
to no end that you tell me you love me, yet somehow you can't find the guts
to tell me just what it is, or even why it is, you think you love me!" He
stood stunned at his own words. He felt sick the instant they'd escaped his
mouth. Never, ever had he spoken to Mason in such a manner before! And
judging by the look of sheer horror that had formed on Mason's face he was
even more shaken by Aidan's words.

===============================================================================

Mason's heart felt as though it had stopped beating. Neither he nor Aidan,
even during their most heated disagreements, had ever spoken to the other
with such words before! His heart couldn't seem to latch onto one emotion
long enough to decide how he truly felt. Pain, shock, resentment, anger;
his mind swirled and reeled as it attempted to grasp the harsh words Aidan
had just spoken to him. But try as he might to truly be angry with Aidan he
knew that Aidan was right. He was being a coward. How would he, Mason, have
felt if someone had admitted having feelings for him one moment, only to
attempt to run away the next? And though his stomach churned uncontrollably
he knew what had to be done.

"All right Aidan. You're right. Now that I've told you how I feel, I at
least owe you the whole story."

===============================================================================

Angry as he'd been with Mason mere seconds before, Aidan was amazed to find
himself suddenly wanting once again to take his friend into a comforting
embrace as he watched Mason's pained expression. It was clear that, for all
the resignation Mason held as he closed the distance between them and sat
upon the rocky ledge, he would've rather been anywhere else in the world,
and with anyone else in the world, than to face Aidan now as he'd promised
he would.

For a long time they sat on the rocky ledge in silence, staring out across
the golden and crimson hues that filled the valley below them. Aidan sadly
realized that, had this been any other autumn they'd viewed Mother Nature
in her resplendent autumn glory, they would've enjoyed the scene before
them. But somehow the breathtaking view of the ancient mountains now seemed
marred by this newfound awkwardness that had raised its ugly head between
them. And it pained his heart as the terrible unspoken truth became
evident. He and Mason had reached a crossroads in their relationship, a
crossroads that, starting from this very conversation, would prove to
either strengthen or break their love for each other.

===============================================================================

Mason sat in silence, surveying the rugged landscape before them. It was a
terrible irony that, for all the beauty spread before them, the ache in his
heart somehow seemed to dull his senses to the vivid glory within the
valley below. He found himself still shaking slightly at the prospect of
what he was about to discuss with Aidan. How many times he'd dreamed of
flinging caution to the wind and revealing his true feelings for Aidan. Yet
as he sat upon the cusp of doing just that he now felt a terror he'd never
felt before. But though his mouth stumbled and stammered over the words he
chose he willed himself to speak.

"First of all I want to apologize again. I've clearly made us both very
uncomfortable. I understand your wanting to know the truth, and I respect
that. But seeing the look on your face that I now see, I'd carry my
feelings to the grave if I could somehow change what's just happened
between us. But I see now that isn't possible, so all I ask is that you
hear me out."

"I can't tell you the exact day, or even the exact year I realized I held
feelings for you. All I can tell you is that it's been for several years
now. I think I knew even as a teenager. I was simply too much of a coward
to tell you. You wanted to know what it was that I loved about you. The
honest answer is everything. I've always found you attractive. You're
beautiful. But you're so much more. You have the biggest heart I've ever
known. You're caring and sensitive. You're understanding. Even when I told
you I was gay you never allowed that to change our friendship. I could go
on and on about the things I love about you."

"I suppose you were right when you said I didn't have the guts to face
you. I've felt this way about you for years now, yet I just couldn't bring
myself to tell you the truth. Honestly, I would've never told you today,
had it not been for........."

Mason stopped short of telling Aidan about his conversation with Aidan's
mother earlier. He wasn't sure why he chose to withhold this bit of
information, yet something in his heart told him now wasn't the time. Betty
Jo McManus had been the closest thing to a mother he'd ever known. He
couldn't bring himself to betray her against her own son.

"I would've never told you today, had it not been for another good friend
telling me I should be honest with you before it was too late. They somehow
believed that, were I honest with you, you might take my feelings into
consideration before your wedding to Meagan. I should've known that `too
late' was never the issue. There simply never was a chance. I realize that
now, too late as it may be. I want you to know that I am truly sorry for
making things awkward between us. I will understand if you need to back
away for a while, or even if you feel it best if we no longer see each
other at all."

===============================================================================

Mason's brown eyes bore into Aidan's blue for one final gaze before turning
to stare into the distance. "You asked me to be honest with you. That's
about all I know to tell you."

Aidan's heart ached within him. Try as he might he couldn't be angry with
Mason. Hadn't he held this suspicion for some time? Now Mason had simply
confirmed the truth to him. He found himself heaving a great sigh as he
stared at the lovely round face of the young man by him.

"Look dude, I want you to know I appreciate you being honest with me. I
know this has probably torn you up inside having to admit this to me. But I
think I also need to be as honest with you and tell you that I don't look
at you that way. You know I love you; you're like a brother to me. But as
much as this hurts me to tell you, that's where it ends. I don't know who
convinced you of the bright idea that I might go weak at the knees if you
told the truth, but I'm marrying Meagan......period. I'm not saying I never
want to speak to you again, because I still love you as my best friend. But
I'm afraid that's all I can offer."

Slowly Mason's brown eyes rose to meet Aidan's gaze. Aidan was suddenly
struck by the smile that had replaced the pain and anguish of moments ago.

"I understand. And thank you for being honest with me. I really would like
for us to remain friends. I give you my word I'll never do anything to
intentionally make things awkward between us. I'll leave that decision to
you.............right now I think it best if I go."